Halloween Poems

[MartinJackson]

THE HELL BOUND TRAIN

A Texas cowboy lay down on a barroom floor,
Having drunk so much he could drink no more;
So he fell asleep with a troubled brain
To dream that he rode on a hell-bound train.

The engine with murderous blood was damp
And was brilliantly lit with a brimstone lamp;
An imp, for fuel, was shoveling bones,
While the furnace rang with a thousand groans.

The boiler was filled with lager beer
And the devil himself was the engineer;
The passengers were a most motley crew-
Church member, atheist, Gentile, and Jew,

Rich men in broad cloth, beggars in rags,
Handsome young ladies, and withered old hags,
Yellow and black men, red, brown, and white,
All chained together-O God, what a sight!

While the train rushed on at an awful pace-
The sulphurous fumes scorched their hands and face;
Wider and wider the country grew,
As faster and faster the engine flew.

Louder and louder the thunder crashed
And brighter and brighter the lightning flashed;
Hotter and hotter the air became
Till the clothes were burned from each quivering frame.

And out of the distance there arose a yell,
"Ha, ha," said the devil, "we're nearing hell"
Then oh, how the passengers all shrieked with pain
And begged the devil to stop the train.

But he capered about and danced for glee,
And laughed and joked at their misery.
"My faithful friends, you have done the work
And the devil never can a payday shirk.

"You've bullied the weak, you've robbed the poor,
The starving brother you've turned from the door;
You've laid up gold where the canker rust,
And have given free vent to your beastly lust.

"You've justice scorned, and corruption sown,
And trampled the laws of nature down.
You have drunk, rioted, cheated, plundered, and lied,
And mocked at God in your hell-born pride.

"You have paid full fare, so I'll carry you through,
For it's only right you should have your due.
Why, the laborer always expects his hire,
So I'll land you safe in the lake of fire,

"Where your flesh will waste in the flames that roar,
And my imps torment you forevermore."
Then the cowboy awoke with an anguished cry,
His clothes wet with sweat and his hair standing high.

Then he prayed as he never had prayed till that hour
To be saved from his sin and the demon's power;
And his prayers and his vows were not in vain,
For he never rode the hell-bound train.

-Anonymous

[CharlieTuna]

THE GHOST OF GOSHEN

Through Goshen Hollow, where hemlocks grow,
Where rushing rills, with flash and flow,
Are over the rough rocks falling;
Where fox, where bear, and catamount hide,
In holes and dens In the mountain side,
A Circuit-preacher once used to ride,
And his name was Rufus Rawling.

He was set in his ways and what was strange,
If you argued with him he would not change,
One could get nothing through him.
Solemn and slow In style was he,
Slender and slim as a tamarack tree,
And always ready to disagree
With every one that knew him.
One night he saddled his sorrel mare,
And started over to Ripton, where
He had promised to do some preaching.
Away he cantered over the hill,
Past the schoolhouse at Capen's mill;
The moon was down and the place was still,
Save the sound of a night-hawk screeching.

At last he came to a deep ravine,
He felt a kind of queer, and mean
Sensation stealing o'er him.
Old Sorrel began to travel slow,
Then gave a snort and refused to go;
The parson chucked, and he holloa'd "whoa,"
And wondered what was before him.

Then suddenly he seemed to hear
A gurgling groan so very near,
It scattered his senses nearly.
"Go 'ome, go'ome," It loudly cried,
"Go 'ome," re-echoed the mountain side,
"Go 'ome," away In the distance died-
He wished he was home sincerely.

And then before his startled sight,
A light flashed out upon the night
That seemed to "beat all creation."
Then through the bushes a figure stole,
With eyes of fire and lips of coal,
That froze his blood and shook his soul
With horror and consternation.

He lost his sermon, he dropped his book,
His hair stood up, and his saddle shook
Like a sawmill under motion
.No cry he uttered, no word he said,
But, suddenly turning Sorrel's head,
Away and out of the woods he fled
As fast as he could for Goshen.

The ghost he saw and the rattling bones
Were a pumpkin, a gourd, and some gravel stones,
That gave him all that glory;
But ne'er again up that mountain side,
In the light would Rufus Rawling ride,
And many a time I've laughed till I cried
To hear him tell the story.

-Anonymous

[dogfish]

THE HELL BOUND TRAIN

A Texas cowboy lay down on a barroom floor,
Having drunk so much he could drink no more;
So he fell asleep with a troubled brain
To dream that he rode on a hell-bound train.

The engine with murderous blood was damp
And was brilliantly lit with a brimstone lamp;
An imp, for fuel, was shoveling bones,
While the furnace rang with a thousand groans.

The boiler was filled with lager beer
And the devil himself was the engineer;
The passengers were a most motley crew-
Church member, atheist, Gentile, and Jew,

Rich men in broad cloth, beggars in rags,
Handsome young ladies, and withered old hags,
Yellow and black men, red, brown, and white,
All chained together-O God, what a sight!

While the train rushed on at an awful pace-
The sulphurous fumes scorched their hands and face;
Wider and wider the country grew,
As faster and faster the engine flew.

Louder and louder the thunder crashed
And brighter and brighter the lightning flashed;
Hotter and hotter the air became
Till the clothes were burned from each quivering frame.

And out of the distance there arose a yell,
"Ha, ha," said the devil, "we're nearing hell"
Then oh, how the passengers all shrieked with pain
And begged the devil to stop the train.

But he capered about and danced for glee,
And laughed and joked at their misery.
"My faithful friends, you have done the work
And the devil never can a payday shirk.

"You've bullied the weak, you've robbed the poor,
The starving brother you've turned from the door;
You've laid up gold where the canker rust,
And have given free vent to your beastly lust.

"You've justice scorned, and corruption sown,
And trampled the laws of nature down.
You have drunk, rioted, cheated, plundered, and lied,
And mocked at God in your hell-born pride.

"You have paid full fare, so I'll carry you through,
For it's only right you should have your due.
Why, the laborer always expects his hire,
So I'll land you safe in the lake of fire,

"Where your flesh will waste in the flames that roar,
And my imps torment you forevermore."
Then the cowboy awoke with an anguished cry,
His clothes wet with sweat and his hair standing high.

Then he prayed as he never had prayed till that hour
To be saved from his sin and the demon's power;
And his prayers and his vows were not in vain,
For he never rode the hell-bound train.

-Anonymous


Sounds like me back in my partying days.:viking:

[dogfish]

Some jokes - :D

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Why don't skeletons go out on the town?
Because they have no body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead end streets ...

What does daddy ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

How does a ghost go on holiday?
By scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favourite drink?
Slime juice ...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A steak sandwich...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
Wrap!!!!!

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

What's a monster's favorite bean?
A human bean.

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch.

Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.

Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.

Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he is always goblin his food

What does a ghost have on top of his ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.

Who was the famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans.

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

Who was the famous witch detective?
Warlock Holmes

Who was the famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones.

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart

Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
The Vampire State Building.

Where do American werewolves live?
In Howllywood, California

Where do American goblins live?
In North and South Scarolina.

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon?
A sour-puss

Why was the skeleton frightened to cross the road?
Because he had no guts.

How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a bat.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.

Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.

Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.

Why did Dracula visit the doctor?
Because he was coffin.

How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
Give him some screws.

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

What can't you give the headless horseman?
A headache.

Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get a-head in life.

What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a party?
A boo-tie.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

When does a ghost have breakfast?
In the moaning.

http://www.crewsnest.vispa.com/halloweenwitch.gif

What does Dracula drink at breakfast?
Coffin with scream and sugar.

Where does a ghost go on vacation?
Mali-boo.

What do they teach at Witches school?
Spelling.

Why does a witch ride a broom?
Vacuum cleaners get stuck at the end of the cord.

What do you call a witch's garage?
A broom closet.

What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.

Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind