Ask Turd Ferguson

[DarkSkies]

Bothered by those profound questions that keep you up at night? the ones that seem to have no answer? Back for a limited time, Turd Ferguson - protector of truth and the American Way on the internet, :rolleyes: will now answer your questions. I can't promise to answer them all, but I might try. Serious fishing and tackle related questions will be ignored. Cmon, hit me with your best shot!:D

It's gonna be a cold winter, keep em coming.:lookhappy:

[dogfish]

If God is all powerful, can he make something so big even he can't lift it?

[dogfish]

How do ya handle people who mug you on the beach and fish wiithin 4 feet?

[stripercrazy]

What would you do if you had to choose between ti**ies and beer all night, or lipping 35# bass?

[CharlieTuna]

Ok, get me up to speed here. Just who is Turd Ferguson?:huh:

[rockhopper]

You have a pod of big bass leaving Sandy Hook at 12midnight, chasing adult bunker, moving north. You have another pod of big bass and monster bluefish, leaving Montauk at 1am, chasing rainfish and spearing, moving south. Where will these pods intersect, and where will you try to get them at?

[cowherder]

It seems I'm too late for the bite. North, south, you name it, I come in last place. I did get some nice fall bass thanks to you guys, but I'm missing out on these epic blitzes, it's driving me crazy. :burn: I have to work during the day, pay those bills, any advice?

[DarkSkies]

Ok, get me up to speed here. Just who is Turd Ferguson?:huh:

Here ya go-:D
http://www.imeem.com/people/_3xuwZ/video/pXBsQZcl/snl_turd_ferguson_comedy_video/

[DarkSkies]

If God is all powerful, can he make something so big even he can't lift it?


You stole that from George Carlin.:beatin: No soup for you.

[bababooey]

Every time I hit the go go bar, I go home with visions of the Brazilian chicks in my head. Then I look at my wife, lose that vision. :upck: Any thoughts so I could keep imagining that go go chick instead of my wife?

[dogfish]

You died and before you can get into heaven, your penance is to come back for a month as Hank the Angry Dwarf, or Beetlejuice. Who do you come back as?:D

[wish4fish]

fish all day and catch 50 schoolies, or fish all night and maybe catch a fat 45 incher? :fishing:

[rockhopper]

You died and before you can get into heaven, your penance is to come back for a month as Hank the Angry Dwarf, or Beetlejuice. Who do you come back as?:D

Mr Turd Ferguson, how about if you had to choose between High Pitch Eric and Crackhead Bob?:)

[williehookem]

Mr. Ferguson, Is there really a Mrs. Clause?

[plugginpete]

All the Stern stuff, no love for O&A?:huh:

OK, which do you thing is more cutting edge, O&A or Stern?

[cowherder]

How do you handle it when you're out there, all the beach in the world, and someone starts casting over your head?:burn:

[ledhead36]

Which dead rock stars would you line up in a band together? 6 positions max.

[dogfish]

Who would you say are the craziest women in the sack - blondes, brunettes, or redheads?:naughty:

[DarkSkies]

You died and before you can get into heaven, your penance is to come back for a month as Hank the Angry Dwarf, or Beetlejuice. Who do you come back as?:D

Def Beetle.:thumbsup: I already lived Hank's life, ain't too much fun. But Beetle gets the wimmens.:laugh:

qJ-ZsXemRTg

hot skanky hos;)
iSaYz3nDR08


Beetle & Hank, classic
4migmwHTXBY

[DarkSkies]

Mr. Ferguson, Is there really a Mrs. Clause?


Mrs Claus looked like that, I'd kick the old fat guy out in the air and move to the North Pole.:dribble:

[DarkSkies]

You have a pod of big bass leaving Sandy Hook at 12midnight, chasing adult bunker, moving north. You have another pod of big bass and monster bluefish, leaving Montauk at 1am, chasing rainfish and spearing, moving south. Where will these pods intersect, and where will you try to get them at?


I'd drive somewhere to where you had your binocs, wait for ya to get into the fish, and then mug ya! :D

Math is for sissies.

[DarkSkies]

How do ya handle people who mug you on the beach and fish wiithin 4 feet?

Fried egg sammiches in the morning are always good, sulfur cloud.

[DarkSkies]

fish all day and catch 50 schoolies, or fish all night and maybe catch a fat 45 incher? :fishing:

The pursuit of many is the goal of many, the pursuit of the one is a lonely one. Take the path less traveled.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[voyager35]

Def Beetle.:thumbsup: I already lived Hank's life, ain't too much fun. But Beetle gets the wimmens.:laugh:

qJ-ZsXemRTg

hot skanky hos;)
iSaYz3nDR08


Beetle & Hank, classic
4migmwHTXBY

Dark, you seem like a funny guy, but I'm glad I don't have the voices in my head that seem to be in yours.:kooky: ;)

[cowherder]

Help settle this debate me and my friends are having - breast implants, or all natural? :wow:

[stripercrazy]

You have a choice of doing a hot 21 year old, a tall redhead, or her 45 year old mom, less hot but more experienced. Which one?

[hookset]

:laugh: :clapping: good thread.

[DarkSkies]

Every time I hit the go go bar, I go home with visions of the Brazilian chicks in my head. Then I look at my wife, lose that vision. :upck: Any thoughts so I could keep imagining that go go chick instead of my wife?

Tell your wife you want to play a cool new game, blindfold her, staple a pic of the brazilian chick to the blindfold. Or drink more beer.:plastered:

[DarkSkies]

All the Stern stuff, no love for O&A?:huh:

OK, which do you thing is more cutting edge, O&A or Stern?

Stern is a fading star.
O&A have lost their ballz.
We need new blood, they shoulda paired Bernie Mac up with someone before he died, gave him a radio show.

[DarkSkies]

What would you do if you had to choose between ti**ies and beer all night, or lipping 35# bass?

******* first, then hit the suds when ya kick her out at 4am. captain Morgan sez its ok. :D

[DarkSkies]

It seems I'm too late for the bite. North, south, you name it, I come in last place. I did get some nice fall bass thanks to you guys, but I'm missing out on these epic blitzes, it's driving me crazy. :burn: I have to work during the day, pay those bills, any advice?

Quit work, become a surf rat. Or marry Trump's daughter.

[cowherder]

:laugh:

[DarkSkies]

Help settle this debate me and my friends are having - breast implants, or all natural? :wow:

Breast implants? You takin hormones? Can't help ya with that one, bud.;)

[mick2360]

Turd, I'm in the market for a googan bucket. Most goog's use white. Is it okay to use an orange bucket? :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Turd, I'm in the market for a googan bucket. Most goog's use white. Is it okay to use an orange bucket? :HappyWave:


Like the belts in karate, one can only master a certain color at a time. Mine is white, you bb'd me about it enough ;) that I might put a pic up soon. It's an intermediate bucket, square edges signifying one step up from the white rounded. The orange is the pinnacle of surf fishing success, a color reserved for sharpies.

Im not at that level yet. You can use orange if you dare. :wow: :ROFLMAO:

[mick2360]

pic! I know what's going to end up under someone's tree this christmas! :HappyWave:

[bababooey]

Is it better to be a windshield or the bug?
Better to be a losing team with a great season once every 5 years, or a winning team in a perennial slump?

[mick2360]

Like the belts in karate, one can only master a certain color at a time. Mine is white, you bb'd me about it enough ;) that I might put a pic up soon. It's an intermediate bucket, square edges signifying one step up from the white rounded. The orange is the pinnacle of surf fishing success, a color reserved for sharpies.

Im not at that level yet. You can use orange if you dare. :wow: :ROFLMAO:


Turd, Your wisdom is surpassed only by your humble-icity. :HappyWave:

[hookedonbass]

Is the world going to end in 2012?:eek:

[katiefishes]

Just wondering is Turd Ferguson single?:naughty:

[DarkSkies]

Just wondering is Turd Ferguson single?:naughty:


Katie, my girl makes me happy, if ya looked like Heather Locklear I would get a free pass for a week. :dribble: Otherwise, you should take a look at my pic first. Now that I put one of me up, it's only fair you should put up one of you, preferably in a bikini. :D

[VSdreams]

Why are the days getting shorter? :huh:

[mick2360]

Why are the days getting shorter? :huh:

Good Question! Turd, you have anything to do with this? :burn:

[bababooey]

Katie, my girl makes me happy, if ya looked like Heather Locklear I would get a free pass for a week. :dribble: Otherwise, you should take a look at my pic first. Now that I put one of me up, it's only fair you should put up one of you, preferably in a bikini. :D


DS, I can see with a mug like that, you're popular with the ladies. :laugh:


Katie, we need bikini pics, it's time. :bigeyes:

[DarkSkies]

Why are the days getting shorter? :huh:


Good Question! Turd, you have anything to do with this? :burn:

No, but I can tell you why:


It's all about the fish. As you know, in the fall, the bass and bluefish begin the fall migration from Mass, Rhody, and parts north. As these fish move from East to (south) west, the main body follows a pattern that is 15-20 miles offshore. These are the legendary cowabunga basss and the goliath bluefish, seen only in the rain n the light of a full moon. The rats we are catching now are not part of this category.

As these huge numbers of fish swim in formation, they create a huge magnetic pull on the oceans and earths rotation. They are joined by millions of giant tuna, 1000 lbs or more, that fishermen were looking for in the far canyons, but actually spend the summer hiding on the inshore wrecks.

These great schools of fish swim together, compounding the magnetic force on the earth's gravity and causing it to spin faster.

This creates a break in the space and time continuom, causing time to speed up a bit, and our sun to go down sooner. Most people don't notice it because it happens very slowly each day.

But the government scientists know about it, and they're keeping quiet. Same as area 51 in the Arizona desert. They know that if us maniac fisherrmen knwe the truth, a few rogue individuals and some Japanese fishing ships would be in hot pursuit of these massive bodies of behemoth fish and wipe them out.

So they give us the other scientific BS that we have accepted for centuries as truth.

Hope that explains it for ya.;)

Turd Ferguson - giving serious thought to all youir scientific questions, keep em comin'. :HappyWave:

[mick2360]

Turd, Do you think posting your picture had killed any chance that Katiefishes is going to post her bikini pic? :ttiwwop:

[katiefishes]

Patience is a virtue.

[williehookem]

Patience is a virtue.

Only if you're a priest or a nun.:):ttiwwop:

[dogfish]

Katie, we need pics. The patients are restless. :naughty:

Turd, what motivates you?

[mick2360]

Turd, what motivates you?

Great question! It appears Turd has taken the week off! :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Katie, we need pics. The patients are restless. :naughty:

Turd, what motivates you?


Great question! It appears Turd has taken the week off! :HappyWave:


The Turd has been busy with other engagements. Old Man Winter is stretching his long cold hands over our beaches. Put out some more questions, he may try to answer them. :D

What motivates Turd?

Fear of falling on his face in a pile of puke, a script he knows all to well. :plastered:

Bikinis on the beach.

The burning desire to make one more sunset or sunrise cast where that cow is waiting, and to help new people who are just learning the sport . :fishing:

Pizza, chocloate, ring dings, and fried egg sammiches, the 4 fishermen food groups.

A desire to help my brother fishermen understand the pressing issues of the day. ;)

Go go dancers with big (smiles). :wow::laugh:

[basshunter]

Any thoughts of when an 80lb bass will be caught from the surf?

[DarkSkies]

Is it better to be a windshield or the bug?
Better to be a losing team with a great season once every 5 years, or a winning team in a perennial slump?

I been both the windshield and the bug at different times. It doesn't matta as long as you're catching fish. ;)



losing team - everyone loves an underdog story, loser coming from behind, I'm a loser baby so why dontcha kill me? :2flip: :wow:
gFi8toT60Js




cmon guys keep em comin, long cold winter ahead...:viking::banghead2::plastered::wheeeee: ;)...........................:fishing:

[mick2360]

Go go dancers with big (smiles). :wow::laugh:

Great pics of chicks on the beach. This got me thinking, cut off blue jeans, short, of course,:naughty: or bikini bottoms?

[DarkSkies]

Great pics of chicks on the beach. This got me thinking, cut off blue jeans, short, of course,:naughty: or bikini bottoms?

Mick, I've met ya in person, I don't think you would look good in either. ;) :HappyWave:

Seriously, the most attractive thing to me about a woman is the mystery. Nudity does nothing for me, but the "hint" of something is a real turn-on. :naughty: The short shorts, where you might get a glimpse of heaven, the short skirt, revealing just a little bit more of her leg or azz as she bends over, the possibility of seeing something more, the cleavage slightly revealed, these things are all related to women and the scent of a woman. Nothing like it, not even the best booze or drugs come close. I'm very grateful God allowed us knucklehead guys to have women on this earth. :drool:

[cowherder]

Nice...:drool: :dribble:

[plugcrazy]

How many fish are in the sea?

[katiefishes]

Here I am.

[bababooey]

:heart: :dribble: No face pics, Katie? Be a sport, put em up. It's just a few of us here (and a couple hundred degenerate lurkers) We won't bite...:D

[DarkSkies]

More pics Katie, don't be shy. Cmon now. ;)

[cowherder]

Here I am.
Is that really Katie? :naughty:

[cowherder]

Turd, why are bluefish called blue when they are silver? Shouldn't they be called silverfish with teeth? Or how about if you called them yellow eyed fish?

[DarkSkies]

Any thoughts of when an 80lb bass will be caught from the surf?

I see you started that other thread about striped bass trophy status, so this is a serious answer. I like the idea of limiting the size of bass you could keep. If we had to let all fish go after 40" or 45", we would preserve the breeders and give the fishery an exponential boost.

Make an exception for guys in tournaments, or hand out (electronically) 5 trophy tags a year for guys to keep fish over that maximum size. It wouldn't be perfect, butit would be a start.

One of the problems with this is how do you put it into action, and will most guys go along with it?

I'm not into any programs that will cut down on my fishing chances, but if it was for the good of a trophy fishery, I would get behind it and support it.

Anyone who has fished the trophy pike lakes in Quebec, Saskatchewan, and the NWT might see there is some logic here.

If something like that were to happen, preserving big breeders, it's fair to say we might be catching 60's at least, from the surf, within the next 5 years. Don't know about 80's, that would depend on biology.

Do you know what that would do economically NY and NJ? People would come from around the world to fish for trophy bass, just like they do in the Canadian territories. The economic boost to the state and the recreational fishing industry would be incredible.

I know most guys woould not support something like this, but I've had private conversations with other people who want to see big bass around for a long time, where your idea has been mentioned. IMO would be very tough to get people to buy into it. I don't have all the answers, but your question, and that other thread, raises some good issues. :clapping:

[DarkSkies]

Mr Turd Ferguson, how about if you had to choose between High Pitch Eric and Crackhead Bob?:)


i dould de dackhead dob. (di have deen dackdead dob) :embarassed: dat least de didn't have hershey dhomo sex on damera like digh pitch deric. :eek:

[katiefishes]

You said it not me.

bababooey:
"(and a couple hundred degenerate lurkers) We won't bite...:D"


Lurkers beware, maybe you don't bite but I do!

[DarkSkies]

Lurkers beware, maybe you don't bite but I do!

I was hoping for more pics, Katie, but I guess you're ok, you can take a little joking. :):thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Turd, I'm in the market for a googan bucket. Most goog's use white. Is it okay to use an orange bucket? :HappyWave:

pics of said bucket proudly displayed in the BillW thread. I told ya I'd put them up! :D

[DarkSkies]

Which dead rock stars would you line up in a band together? 6 positions max.


singer - Bon Scott AC/DC
dual guitars - Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn
bass - Cliff Burton
drummer - John Bonham
keyboard - Billy Preston

Rock on, dudes :thumbsup:

[dogfish]

Does Turd roam the coast looking for fish, or does he cling to the easy spots with the rest of the joisy softees? ;)

[DarkSkies]

Does Turd roam the coast looking for fish, or does he cling to the easy spots with the rest of the joisy softees? ;)


:2flip:Jersey represents dude, we might have a lot of selfish fishermen, but most of us care, and bunch of us are hardcore. :headbang: I fished NY and Conn last year, next year Ill make most of the rest of the stripercoast if fuel prices stay low. If that's a half-azz invite to be a guide when I come up to stink up your nieghborhood, I accept the challencge.

I'll bring the Jersey bagels, egg sammiches, coffee and chocolate donuts, one pole, my magic googan bucket, and a coupla plugs, eels, and bucktails. Then we'll see who's more hardcore. :D

[basshunter]

where do the fat seagulls go for the winter? :D

[DarkSkies]

where do the fat seagulls go for the winter? :D

They follow the migrating coney island whitefish.



(Keep em comin, guys, gonna be a long winter) ;)

[skinner]

Which do you think the girls like better plain, fruity flavored or ribbed?

[DarkSkies]

If yer talkin about jimmy hats, I would say fruity flavored, the oral hello is more popular than anything else today among the younger set. If it's anything else you're talkin about, I don't wanna know. :D

[rockhopper]

Is there life after death?

[hookedonbass]

How many days until the spring run?

[skinner]

Why doesn't McDonalds sell hot dogs?

[DarkSkies]

Is there life after death?

Of course man, where else do you think all the 80lb bass would be? :fishing:

[katiefishes]

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

[plugginpete]

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

[lostatsea]

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

[DarkSkies]

How many days until the spring run?

That's like asking how many licks to the center of a tootsie roll pop, man. :beatin:

If you're addicted to fishing, you can always find a spring run somewhere, you don't have to wait -- Virginia and the cbbt are only a few hours away, fish in the 50's are bein caught every week on the front side of the bridge, lots of spots if you can handle the road miles. Next! :D

[storminsteve]

If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

[DarkSkies]

If a transvestite goes missing, would you put their face on a carton of Half and Half?


:laugh: You got potential, dude. Maybe ya can fill in for me when I'm on the road for the "spring run" :D :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

How do you handle it when you're out there, all the beach in the world, and someone starts casting over your head?:burn:

I turn around and look at them while saying - "Hey the next time you're gonna eff me, you should at least say hello" :2flip: That breaks them out of the haze they're in and gets me a couple feet of space. That doesn't work, plan b, fried egg sammich farts, usually brings the message home. :D

[DarkSkies]

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?



Half full half empty. That could depend on the person's state of mind, no? I can make my own cloudy day, if I want. :D

[williehookem]

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?

[DarkSkies]

Why doesn't McDonalds sell hot dogs?


Cause it follows the true American success recipe - stick to what ya know. :clapping: I like Wendys better. :drool:

[bababooey]

You're fishing the night and in the water up to your chest in waders. The bite is good, the 3 coffees you drank on the way out are rumbling in your stomach like a volcano. It's a 10 minute wade back to land. Do you stop to take care of business or wait until the bite is over? :huh:

[DarkSkies]

^ If it's anywhere near your birthday, I'll bake ya a cake. :D

4369

[plugaholic]

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

[HerringRollins]

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

[hookedonbass]

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

[plugginpete]

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

[cracklepopper]

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

[rockhopper]

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

[williehookem]

What happened to Turd? I don't see him answering these questions anymore. Intestinal virus from recalled peanut butter? :D

[DarkSkies]

What happened to Turd? I don't see him answering these questions anymore. Intestinal virus from recalled peanut butter? :D


"Someone contacted me here trying to find you. I thought it was the FBI looking for you, again. :) That was an admirable act of kindness, Dark -- good job. :clapping: "


Willie, ya figgered it out. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif The FBI had me in isolation testing peanut butter. Too much toilet paper involved in that job. :moon: :laugh:

But I'm back now, and ready for business. Keep throwin em out to me, and I'll try to keep hittin. :D

[DarkSkies]

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?


Dunno, man, I look at the state of Congress today, don't see how that could be progress from anything except a Muslim extremist government. Buncha overpaid lawyers, suckin on the government teat, milking the regular people of this country dry. :2flip:

But hey, what do I know? :D

[DarkSkies]

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?


A flaw in the space and time continuom, ask "Que" from Star Trek. It seems to follow that I'm always in hot water after skating on thin ice and ignoring the "no skating" signs. Ya gotta survey the landscape of life, before ya step in something you didn't plan on stepping in. :D

[DarkSkies]

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

My definition is Punani Unwashed.

Had a girl back in high school like that, she washed once a week, whether she needed it or not. :eek: Went to eat the clam, and I saw gas clouds coming from down there. Passed, on to the next girl. Aah the high school days......:cool:

[katiefishes]

^^^ You guys are disgusting! You're the ones with the gas clouds. :upck:

[DarkSkies]

^^^ You guys are disgusting! You're the ones with the gas clouds. :upck:

We're guys, Katie, comes with the job description. ;)


If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?


Cause he's not drunk enough. :plastered:

[basshunter]

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?

[DarkSkies]

If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?



You would realize you shoulda hired Johnnie Cochran. Oops, he's dead. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif :eek:


w1tKMfIfAAk


Johnnie in an earlier life as Jackie Chiles :clapping:
r2EirLJqghA

[DarkSkies]

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Dunno, he shoulda killed all the damn cockroaches, black fies, fleas and ticks too. ;)

[jigfreak]

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

[DarkSkies]

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?


:laugh: Nope, but I wouldn't pizz off an Asian tattoo artist. Ya might just get " I am a dork" inked into your arm instead of the profound saying ya asked for. :D

[DarkSkies]

Where does the toetag go on a dead person if they don't have toes?


Stick it in another hole. ;)

5684

[mick2360]

When the tide goes out, where does it go to? :huh:

[DarkSkies]

When the tide goes out, where does it go to? :huh:

Into Britney Spears. You could drive a truck through those roast beef flaps. ;)


Speakin of Britney, when is someone gonna *****-slap this kid? :kooky:
hZAr9E8i3ng

Look at the Dad's part at 2:00, funny azz chit "Where did I go wrong? I bought him a bb gun, took him camping, taught him to play baseball....":ROFLMAO:

[strikezone31]

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

[hookset]

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

[crosseyedbass]

Where are the fish?

[DarkSkies]

Where are the fish?

They are only to be found when the huge schools of bunker cruise by. Get in a helcopter, locate those bunker pods,, and you'll have your answer. :laugh:

Otherwise they're nowhere else to be found.

No use plugging a sandy beach with some nice cuts and troughs, or a fishy lookin rockpile, or a fast moving rip with deep water. :kooky:

You can just drive around and wait for other guys to catch fish, listenin to the latest tunes on your mp3 player until they do.

Or-
You can go to those places above, blind cast all that fishy lookin water, and maybe you will catch the big one, which you can be proud of, because you earned it. :thumbsup: Any more questions? :D

[stripermania]

Yea, I have a question, Why is there so much pcb in our waters contaminating our fish.

[plugcrazy]

Why is it that when someone tells you that there’s billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there’s wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
http://www.innocentenglish.com/funny-pics/spacer.gif

[Frankiesurf]

If a hurricane is traveling at 13 miles per hour, how does it go from Florida to New York in two days?

[DarkSkies]

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?


Confucious say: time is only relative when you have to stop fishin and go home. ;)

[DarkSkies]

If a hurricane is traveling at 13 miles per hour, how does it go from Florida to New York in two days?


It follows the Frankiesurf hyperstriper highway. :moon:

[Frankiesurf]

Thanks you turd! I mean, Thanks Turd!:thumbsup:

[jigfreak]

Why do superheroes wear tights?

[hookset]

Why do stripers like cooler water temperatures?

[stripermania]

Why do surfcasters insist on mugging?

[DarkSkies]

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?



Wrap the critter in the plant, fire up the BBQ. :eek: ;)

[madcaster]

how do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

[DarkSkies]

how do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?


Good question, but it's a very involved process.
First they have 6 months of training at deer training school.
Then they are shown what lurks outside those road signs... the Jersey Devil. ;)

8130

[madcaster]

if a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

[plugcrazy]

What is the smallest species of fish?

[DarkSkies]

if a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?

It's lunch! ;)
Dude where do you get these questions from, Ganjaville? :bong2: :HappyWave:

[crosseyedbass]

If God is so powerful, can he create a fart so deadly even he can't stand it?

[DarkSkies]

If God is so powerful, can he create a fart so deadly even he can't stand it?

I saw that one before, I think ya stole part of it from George Carlin.

If strong farts are an indication of God's omnipotence and being powerful, there's a couple guys I know who could give God a bit of a challenge. ;)

[blitzhunter]

Will recreational fisherman ever be stopped from fishing?

[plugcrazy]

Why is abbreviated such a long word?

[madcaster]

Why don't Dentist offices put tv monitor on the ceiling ?:rolleyes:

[DarkSkies]

Why don't Dentist offices put tv monitor on the ceiling ?:rolleyes:

I think you spent too many visits during the high school years goin to those porn motels on Rt 9, dude. ;) :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Will recreational fisherman ever be stopped from fishing?


The answer to this used to be:

...only Time will tell.

Now with the low levels of participation I see out there, I would say...

...only Apathy will tell...:(


Perhaps the only serious response you're gonna see in this thread, it's something even I couldn't find the words to make sound amusing....sorry Blitzhunter. :don't know why:

[plugginpete]

What is the best bait to catch a Salmon?

[7deadlyplugs]

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

[DarkSkies]

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?


This is a serious question, right? :rolleyes: Because Finchaser and Killie are the shepherds of the poor confused fish, and work with Capt Nemo to guide them to safety with Voodoo chants thru the Electric Ladyland channel . :bong2:

85zp1zVVDAQ

[baitstealer]

How do blind people know when they are done wiping?

[HerringRollins]

Does Obama care about fishermen?

[DarkSkies]

What is the best bait to catch a Salmon?

Gotta be more specific here, Pete.... sockeye, chum, king, or sidewalk salmon? :naughty:

[jigfreak]

Gotta be more specific here, Pete.... sockeye, chum, king, or sidewalk salmon? :naughty:

How about all of them?

[DarkSkies]

How about all of them?

Jigfreak, I met an old salt a few weeks ago, Doug R from DR Lures. He told me he was asked what was the best bait for a mermaid.
His answer, dollar bills. ;)

So I'll give you the same answer.
Dollar bills can buy you the path to anything you want to buy in this world...
Except they can't buy self-respect and the respect of others, which can never be bought, and must be earned.

Philosophy 101, do ya feel enlightened yet? ;) :HappyWave:

[ledhead36]

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed

people.


(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

[rip316]

Why is Helen Kellers leg yellow? Because her dog was blind too.

[joesfishinproblem]

Gotta be more specific here, Pete.... sockeye, chum, king, or sidewalk salmon? :naughty:

a big treble hook lol lol

[VSdreams]

Why are there better times to fish than others?

[madcaster]

If I were wearing a hat with a mirror on top and was struck by lightning on top of my hat what would happen?:rolleyes:

[wish4fish]

where is the turd is he on the fbi most wanted list, why does he hide out in the dark away from us, when is he gonna hang with his old friends for a few hours, we promise not to smoke too much pot,lol!;) :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Why are there better times to fish than others?
Night time is the right time. ;) :fishing:


If I were wearing a hat with a mirror on top and was struck by lightning on top of my hat what would happen?:rolleyes:
God would strike you twice? :don't know why: :d :HappyWave:


where is the turd is he on the fbi most wanted list, why does he hide out in the dark away from us, when is he gonna hang with his old friends for a few hours, we promise not to smoke too much pot,lol!;) :HappyWave:
I might be down that way this weekend...:plastered: :HappyWave:

[hookedonbass]

If a word in a dictionary is misspelled, how
would you know?

[stripermania]

Do the people who have ocean rights, get aid to rebuild after a storm with our tax dollars?

[plugcrazy]

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

[gjb1969]

:don't know why:

[DarkSkies]

If a word in a dictionary is misspelled, how
would you know?


If a bear craps in the woods, does he need toilet paper? :lookhappy:

[DarkSkies]

Do the people who have ocean rights, get aid to rebuild after a storm with our tax dollars?

Yup, many towns take federal $$ for beach replenishment, and still feel it's appropriate to restrict access to fishermen and others. :burn:

[7deadlyplugs]

Would Turd fish from a helicopter?:d
vYVjfs6NlIg

2pnBg5zawpQ

[seamonkey]

What's the speed of dark? :d

[DarkSkies]

^^ Seamonkey, sorry I didn't see this sooner....

Answer - 7800RPM :scared: :headbang: :cool:

[dogfish]

If a turd drops in the forest, will it make a sound?:ROFLMAO :plastered:

[wish4fish]

ha ha, lol. dropp it like its hot

[bababooey]

Ah toilet humor, never gets old. Where is the infamous Turd tonight? Could he be out fishing in this slop?:kooky:

[DarkSkies]

Not me Bababooey, was sick and took the night off for some rest.
And Dogfish, why don't ya ask the bear? :moon:
Must be pretty bored up there, how cold is the water? :HappyWave:

[dogfish]

^Ya know me, brother, just trying to start an internet fight.:HappyWave:
Water is 41 degrees up here, 6 weeks away from good fishing.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png

[storminsteve]

Dear Mr turd -
I wanted to know if you smell like fish, and have a foul odor, does that give you a better chance to catch them?:laugh: :HappyWave:

[Monty]

Dear Mr turd -
I wanted to know if you smell like fish, and have a foul odor, does that give you a better chance to catch them?:laugh: :HappyWave:
I would think wading out into the water would cause an instant chum slick :idea:
But I guess it could cause all fish to vacate the area...if the odor/slick is to strong.
Probably something only Mr. Turd would know.

[DarkSkies]

Dear Mr turd -
I wanted to know if you smell like fish, and have a foul odor, does that give you a better chance to catch them?:laugh: :HappyWave:


I would think wading out into the water would cause an instant chum slick :idea:
But I guess it could cause all fish to vacate the area...if the odor/slick is to strong.
Probably something only Mr. Turd would know.



Sorry didn't see this till now.....
Love you guys too.....:2flip: :moon: :whoo: :HappyWave:

[hookset]

Turd, I am a newbie. Could you please tell me exactly when the fall stripers will be here? If you could give me an exact date I would be most grateful. Also, where to fish, and then hook the fish for me. I don't like getting my hands dirty. Would you mind unhooking for me as well? I will buy you a hamburger if you would be so kind. :laugh: :HappyWave:

[bababooey]

Turd, what hookset said!
Question. I happened to see that you kind of took over a certain internet forum today. How fast do you really type?
OOH OOH - One more question, Mr Turd! I liked the bikini videos you posted as an attention grabber. Can we post those indiscriminately here as well?:bigeyes:

[DarkSkies]

Turd, I am a newbie. Could you please tell me exactly when the fall stripers will be here? If you could give me an exact date I would be most grateful. Also, where to fish, and then hook the fish for me. I don't like getting my hands dirty. Would you mind unhooking for me as well? I will buy you a hamburger if you would be so kind. :laugh: :HappyWave:

Hook, I don't think there is too much I could teach ya about fishing. You put in your time and catch enough bigger fish to make anyone jealous.
I'll assume the hamburger comment was from the old Popeye and Wimpy routine? - "I'll gladly re-pay you next Tuesday!"
I recognize the sarcasm here.....lots of folks today don't want to work that hard to find fish. Thanks for the laughs, and sorry I didn't see this till now. :)


Turd, what hookset said!
Question. I happened to see that you kind of took over a certain internet forum today. How fast do you really type?
OOH OOH - One more question, Mr Turd! I liked the bikini videos you posted as an attention grabber. Can we post those indiscriminately here as well?:bigeyes:
Bababooey thanks for the kind words (I think) :laugh: There is some mis-information being circulated on the internet that there are more striped bass than ever, and the stripers are healthier than ever. I feel compelled to answer every time I see mis-information like this, and find that there is usually a hidden agenda behind the person who's saying it, either Commercial or Financial.

It's important to have honest talks and discussions about the state of this fishery, which has declined. There are now more Capts and seasoned anglers talking about the decline than not. That's a good thing and I hope it continues.

And yes, I do spend a lot of time and effort to combat the misinformation bullies out there. I also check my facts and statements carefully. I'm pretty experienced in the subject matter as I have been fighting these fights for some years now.

Thanks for noticing. Please let's not comment too much further about what goes on at other sites.

If anyone wants to learn more please make the striped bass meeting in Toms River on this Monday Sept 15. It's critical that Rec anglers attend this...or we will be steamrolled by Commercial interests.

Details herehttp://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon1.png Time to speak up or shut up on Bass (http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?9683-Time-to-speak-up-or-shut-up-on-Bass)










As always, thanks for the laughs. Feel free to poke fun at me any time. :thumbsup: :clapping:
Bababooey, you and others can use your judgement about where to post tasteful pics or videos of women enjoying the outdoors. I never give you people a hard time on that as long as the women are over 18 and there is no nudity to offend any families. Thanks for behaving yourselves in that area.....knock yourselves out.......:HappyWave: