One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[jonthepain]

sorry to hear about Mick. i lost a good friend and mentor to diabetes 15 yrs ago. he helped me stay sober for a spell.

hang in there Rich.

[mick2360]

Hang in Dark, I'll give you a shout on Thursday. Careful in the hospitals man.

Jon, I'm okay, I think the boss was referring to another of his friends. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

gotcha

[mick2360]

Saturday, April 25, 2009

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

Unused capacities atrophy, cease to be.
—Tillie Olsen

Those of us who have suffered a broken bone and had to put up with a cast for several weeks know how hard it is to use muscles that have been inactive for so long. They have gotten weak from lack of use, and we have to begin to develop our strength all over again.

The same thing happens if we don't use our other capacities. If we don't constantly use our minds to think and learn, we become dull people, almost incapable of new thoughts and insights. If we don't use our hearts to love, we become uncaring and insensitive - much like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. If we don't use our creative talents - to draw or write or sew, or whatever it is we're into - we lose the ability to do those things.

On the other hand, like our muscles, our other capacities can be strengthened and developed by daily use. We exercise our hearts by being kind and loving, our minds by thinking, our imaginations by being creative. In this way, we become spiritually powerful, a force for good in the world.

How can I exercise my assets today?

A good challenge for any person. What does this have to do with recovery from addiction? At one time that meant to put down the bottle, stop with the pills and leaving MJ alone. I did all of that and was still not connecting.
What gifts did I have? This is a hard question for an addict but in time i did find some. I liked to help people. And to listen. And I read people very, very well (what is it about addicts reading other folks like a book but missing our own most obvious issues ?). Eventually, I humbled myself and went back to school. I became a counselor and today I help others.

As for how I can use my assets today.... I am afraid I am overdue for some yard work with my bride. It's off to work i go! :kiss:

[DarkSkies]

Saturday, April 25, 2009

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

Unused capacities atrophy, cease to be.
—Tillie Olsen


The same thing happens if we don't use our other capacities. If we don't constantly use our minds to think and learn, we become dull people, almost incapable of new thoughts and insights. If we don't use our hearts to love, we become uncaring and insensitive - much like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. If we don't use our creative talents - to draw or write or sew, or whatever it is we're into - we lose the ability to do those things.

How can I exercise my assets today?

Eventually, I humbled myself and went back to school. I became a counselor and today I help others.

As for how I can use my assets today.... I am afraid I am overdue for some yard work with my bride. It's off to work i go! :kiss:

Well said Mick. :HappyWave: There are all sorts of capabilities inside us. Not living up to our best potential is a waste once we find out what we're capable of.

Nice speaking to you and your wife today, I could tell she really loves, ya, Mick, and not just because you do yard work. I admire that both of you people can work in that field without getting burnt out. :thumbsup:

[buckethead]

Good point Dark. I also find that there are people out there who own up to their mistakes and bad behavior but never really learn from them. A week or two later they are back to doing the same things. Maturity only comes to those who really learn and improve themselves.

[jonthepain]

My only fault is that I'm too modest.

[DarkSkies]

My only fault is that I'm too modest.

Yeah, about as modest as PT Barnum. ;)




April 30, 2009

Secrets

I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace.
By revealing my secrets -- and thereby ridding myself of guilt --
I can actually change my thinking;
by altering my thinking, I can change myself.
My thoughts create my future.
What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today.
- Daily Reflections, p. 130.

Thought to Ponder....

Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.

[jonthepain]

frikin client handed me and the boss a bourbon ball this am. i didn't know, it just looked like some chocolate thingy. the bourbon taste hit me and i went about crosseyed. couldn't insult the guy and spit it out all over his kitchen floor so i ate it.

there couldn't be much alcohol in one of them things, can there? i don't have to start my clock over again, do I? **** i got almost 5 yrs sober fer goodness sake!

coulda swore i was catching a buzz for a minute there but i think it was probably just my blood pressure (which is 171/111 on a good day)

ya know, if it's not one thing it's every thing.

[mick2360]

A lot of discussion on this issue. I wouldn't worry about restarting the clock; it's answering the bell knowing you are walking into the ring that's the problem.
I don't recommend it for everyone but when I have a bad head cold, I'll have some nyquil. Seeing as how I'm the guy counting the time, it works for me. :)

[jonthepain]

thanks. i decided not to worry about it. if he cooked it, there was no alcohol left. if he didn't, there couldn't have been more than a drop in it.

[DarkSkies]

there couldn't be much alcohol in one of them things, can there? i don't have to start my clock over again, do I? **** i got almost 5 yrs sober fer goodness sake!

coulda swore i was catching a buzz for a minute there but i think it was probably just my blood pressure (which is 171/111 on a good day)

ya know, if it's not one thing it's every thing.


Jon, everything is ralative in our recovery. At first, I wouldn't even take an aspirin or ibuprofen. Then it was explained to me that if we're in severe pain, it's hard to concentrate on recovery, so I use these things when I need them. I have some vicodin they gave me one time for a bad tooth but I keep it at my girlfriend's house. I don't want to take it unless I feel it's absolutely needed, so far it hasn't been.

As for products with traces of alcohol, I try to stay away from them. I don't eat rumballs, but I have on occasion. I don't believe one or 2 will mess up my recovery, just as I don't believe what happened to you necessitates a restarting of the clock.

I remember once in my early recovery I had an alcoholic girlfriend. She filled a glass with Comfort and coke and gave it to me when we were in a hotel, told me it was just soda. After sipping it, I knew it was comfort and dumped her soon after. I understand why she did it, she as an alcoholic wanted other people close to her to participate in her behavior.

That brings me to the discussion of near beer, O'Douls and those brands. A family member who is an alcoholic tried to justify it early in his recovery, saying it wouldn't affect him, he should be "allowed" to drink it.

We got into an argument over it because he was bragging how well he was doing not partaking of his other addictions. I guess he was looking for approval, and I couldn't give approval for that. This same family member, who admits he also had a gambling problem, recently confided that he's been going to the casinos by himself, and sees nothing wrong with it. He gets involved in all these things where the behavior, isolating behavior, seems justified to him.

I also have a lifetime friend who stoutly defends his right to drink O'Doul's just like my family member does. I can tell you that my lifelong friend has been in and out of sobriety many times, and only managed to pull together a few years of sobriety in the 25 years he has been "trying" to stay sober. :rolleyes:

So this thing about O'doul's isn't a dig at you jon, please don't take it personally.

It's more a reflection of the people in my life who say they're serious about their sobriety, but their actions don't show that.

Behavior where one isolates themselves is one of the marks of alcoholism and addiction. If you're not doing that, Jon, you're fine, and I'm sure God and Bill W will forgive you. :HappyWave:

The most important thing I would ask myself or any alcoholic is: Is the behavior you're doing something that you do by yourself?

If it is, it might be leading you back to addiction.

Again, I also ask people how well they know themselves. In your heart of hearts, only you know if you're in danger of veering off the path or not. Justifying it to others, or asking for approval from friends or family, is a way of telling you that something is probably amiss with that behavior.

Sorry to stray so far off topic Jon, but your post rememded me of some stuff I have going on in my family right now.

"ya know, if it's not one thing it's every thing"

This sentence you wrote clinched it all, I say amen to that! For me, lately everything has been going wrong at once. As long as I don't drink or get high over it, it will get better. And it will get better for you too, my friend. :)

Look forward to seein ya celebrate your 5 year(one day at a time) anniversary, in July or August? :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Look forward to seein ya celebrate your 5 year(one day at a time) anniversary, in July or August? :thumbsup:June 1 :thumbsup:


I can hold a job without liking it.

now THAT really spoke to me today. thanks!

[DarkSkies]

Hitting Bottom

Few people will sincerely try to practice the AA program
unless they have hit bottom. . .
Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to AA
and we discover the fatal nature of our situation.
Then, and only then, do we become open-minded to conviction
and as willing to listen as the dying can be.
We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us.
- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 24

Thought to Ponder....

Pain is what I walk through. Misery is what I sit in. :learn:



I am absolutely sure I would be dead today if I didn't come to find the program. I didn't seek it willingly, I screwed up my life beyond repair and there was no hope left for me, or so I thought.

I had to hit bottom to do it. Lots of people tried to talk with me, reason with me that I was digging myself into an early grave. I told em all to go eff themselves.:2flip:

I didn't want anyone's help or advice. I had to learn the hard way, smashing my head against a brick wall time and time again until the figurative blood dripping down my eyes made it too cloudy for me to see.

When I was at the end of my rope, was when I was willing to listen, nothing else would have worked for me. How about you?

[DarkSkies]

May 10, 2009

(Scroll down for share) (http://www.aaonline.net/dailythought/#share)

Selfishness

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making.
They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example
of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 62.

Thought to Ponder....

Paradox: We surrender to win; we give away to keep;
we suffer to get well; we die to live.




The recovering alcoholics/addicts I've come to know are some of the kindest and coolest people. Theyre also some of the most selfish.

Being on the path to recovery does not guarantee someone will automatically get a spiritual awakening as to how their behavior affects others. People continue to pattern their behavior based on old tapes playing in their head. Furthermore, the program talks about selfishness as a good thing, as in we must first learn to focus on ourselves, and not others, if we want to get better.

Sometimes that presents us with a bit of a paradox. How can I focus on helping myself, you might ask, if I'm also supposed to help others? :huh: All of this becomes more easy to understand the more time you have in the program, the more you work on your steps, and the more you seek to improve yourself as a person.


I'm phrasing the above comments with Mothers everywhere in mind. Today being Mother's Day, it's one day of the year when we pay tribute to someone in our lives who has likely spent many of her best years unselfishly raising us.


The Mothers who walked the floors of the house worrying about us at 3am when we had a 102 fever, and waited for that fever to break.

The Mothers who cared for us in our sickness and trauma as children, and enjoyed the good times with us as well.

The Mothers who put the comfort and needs of their children above their own, buying their children the things they needed to "fit in", even though they were sometimes more expensive. Meanwhile, the Mother shopped for herself at discount or bargain stores to keep within the family budget. (I remember my Mother doing that, anyone else out there have the same experience growing up?)


The Mothers who realize that every child grows into an adult, and will soon be on their own, but still maintain that bond of caring and unselfishness through their whole life. :clapping: :thumbsup::thumbsup:

I'm grateful my Mom is still alive, one day at a time.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom and all the Mothers out there!! :HappyWave: :kiss: :heart: :kiss: :heart: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

Steve came home a coupla weeks ago. He lost his place in the halfway house cuz he quit his job.

Steve is drinking again.

[DarkSkies]

Steve came home a coupla weeks ago. He lost his place in the halfway house cuz he quit his job.

Steve is drinking again.



Jon, so sorry to hear that. It kills me a little inside each time I read a story like this. One of the best examples I remember was Frankie M. who along with Joe B were my inspirations when I first entered the rooms. They were heavy into drugs and drinkin, I figured it they could get sober, anyone could.

They had their lives on track, had some good relationshoips in their sobriety, the women were flocking to be around them because of the new people they had become, and they were genuinely good guys who everyone wanted to be around. Life was good for them, and they were great examples. Then Frankie started getting high again for some reason, and slowly deteriorated until he died.

I wanted so bad to help him, made the offers, but he didn't want the help. Same for another friend of mine who has just now celebrated 2 years sober after being in the program 20 years. 2 years ago he was back to his old tricks and dabbling in the powders and chemicals.

The saddest thing about this problem is that help is just a phone call or a meeting away, but no one can GIVE your sobriety to you.

You have to want it.....

Want it so bad that you are willing to listen to any stupid thing they tell you to do, no matter how stupid it sounds.

Want it so bad that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Want it so bad because you are finally realizing all the relationships, family and friends, you tossed by the wayside because your addiction was mor important.

Want it so bad because you stop playing the game when you hear tragic news and saying: "Man that guy/girl was really bad off - I could never be that bad! :kooky:

I'm sorry to hear that news about your friend,John. Some people have to die for us to stay sober. It sucks to hear that, but when someone doesn't want help, there is nothing you can do but let them know youre there for them.

I believe you are that kind of a friend Jon, and that you will help him if he asks. Meanwhile, maybe he needs to fall a little further.

The hardest thing for you to do is watch it and realize you are powerless.

The hardest thing he has to do is humble himself and ask for your help. That becomes more difficult each time we screw up, we let our foolish pride get in the way.

I'll keep praying for Steve, that's all I (or you) can do. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

you're right. and thanks for the prayers.

[jonthepain]

I'm so much into overdrive sometimes

Dude slow down.


You know me, I kid around alot, but srsly. You know I love ya. Slow down Dark. You're a good man.


Slow down.

[DarkSkies]

^^Thanks, Jon. I love ya too man, but not enough for a reach around. :laugh: :HappyWave:


Daily Reflections

A LIST OF BLESSINGS

One exercise that I practice is to try for a full inventory of my
blessings. . . .
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 37

What did I have to be grateful for? I shut myself up and started listing
the blessings for which I was in no way responsible, beginning with
having been born of sound mind and body. I went through
seventy-four years of living right up to the present moment. The list
ran to two pages, and took two hours to compile; I included health,
family, money, A.A.-- the whole gamut.
Every day in my prayers, I ask God to help me remember my list, and
to be grateful for it throughout the day. When I remember my
gratitude list, it's very hard to conclude that God is picking on me.



It's easy to forget how much we have to be grateful for. I know I lose track of this sometimes. I'm also grateful to have friends in the program, and my life, who tell me to slow down once in awhile, all kidding aside. ;)

[jonthepain]

Okay, I got a question.

The last day that I had a drink - (ok, not A drink, but still, you know what I mean) - was on Memorial Day, 2004.

Do I start my clock as the day after Memorial Day, (which is today,) or do I start my clock June 1, 2004 (which is my first day of sobriety by the calendar?)

Memorial Day just happened to fall on May 31 in 2004.

[DarkSkies]

or do I start my clock June 1, 2004 (which is my first day of sobriety by the calendar?)



Jon, keep it simple, we alcoholics sometimes have a way of complicating things, that's one of my challenges as well. I would use June 1, hope this helps.

My date is July 9, easy to remember, 5 days after the 4th. ;) :HappyWave:







May 27, 2009

(Scroll down for share) (http://www.aaonline.net/dailythought/#share)

The Solution

The tremendous fact for every one of us
is that we have discovered a common solution.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 17.

Thought to Ponder....

The solution is simple. The solution is spiritual.




That's a lot easier than that hyped up program "The Secret!" where you pay $30 for a crappy tape that only helps you to realize you made the seller of that tape $30 richer by buying it! :laugh: At least with the program, if you do the work, you willn have results. If you're still not happy, your misery will be happily refunded. ;)

[jonthepain]

Please pray for me - I'm having an allergic reaction to an insect bite acquired Monday. Same symptoms as 7 yrs ago, which put me in ICU for 5 days and cost me $17,000. I literally flatlined and they brought me back my first night there.

Got a big presentation at 10:00 then I think they'll let me go home.

Thanks
B

[DarkSkies]

I'll be prayin for ya, bud, hang in there. Let me know if there's anything else I can do besides prayer.

[DarkSkies]

Meditation For The Day

Love is the power that transforms your life. Try to love your
family and your friends and then try to love everybody that you
possibly can, even the "sinners and publicans" everybody. Love
for God is an even greater thing. it is the result of gratitude
to God and it is the acknowledgment of the blessing that God has
sent you. Love for God acknowledges His gifts and leaves the way
open for God to shower yet more blessings on your thankful heart.
Say "Thank you, God," until it becomes a habit.



We can say thank you to God, or thank you to those who have extended a helping hand, or some kind words, to us.
Not only alcoholics can benefit from this passage.

One key thing my parents taught me early on was to say "thank you". Many times we think it's understood or implied. I say don't make that assumption. I try to remember tha manners that were taught me every day. I find that the more you thank people, the more they realize the appreciation you have for them, and the more likely you are to develop lasting relationships with others.

I helped a new guy the other day who was fishing for the second time. Maybe I went a little overboard, but I wanted to see him catch a fish. His gratitude was boundless, he must have said thank you 10x. I explained to him that many people have helped me. If I cannot help others, what does that say about me? http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[jonthepain]

That's really profound, Rich.

[DarkSkies]

That's really profound, Rich.


No one could speak the message like Bill did. He's an inspiration to us all, with all the near death experiences he had. :thumbsup:

Hope you're doin ok, Jon, been fishin and haven't had time to call, give me a call anytime you need a laugh. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

give me a call anytime you need a laugh.

Thanks for the call on my 5th anniversary of sobriety. It made my day (I had completely forgotten it. Which I guess is a good thing!)

Thanks again, man.

[DarkSkies]

Thanks for the call on my 5th anniversary of sobriety. It made my day (I had completely forgotten it. Which I guess is a good thing!)

Thanks again, man.

Man, anniversary dates ARE important. Even though it's one day at a time, a 5 year anniversary is a milestone!! I didn't want to embarass you before ya mentioned that it was you, but I'm proud of ya man!

In fact,

Congrats and :clapping::clapping: are in order!! 5 years sobriety for jonthepain!! :thumbsup::thumbsup:

You can be proud of that achievement, many walk through the doors, but few stick it out to maintain their sobriety. I'm proud of ya man, here's to more sobriety, ODAT. And I know life kinda sucks for you now, I can only hope it gets better. :thumbsup:

Meanwhile, there is nothing so bad that drinking won't make worse. I had a dream last night that I was goin to buy some coke at an inflated price from a guy who I knew had undercover surveillance on him, and I was arrested in my dream. This was such a stupid dream because I hardly ever did coke when I got high. There were much better drugs out there, that lasted longer than that 10 minute high.

Yet here I was in my dream, buying a drug I hadn't much interest in, go figure.

Our addictions are cunning, baffling, and powerful, my friend, remember that. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

I pray the year ahead of you gets better, call me anytime day or night, call collect if ya want, I'll be there bro. :HappyWave:

[jigfreak]

Stopped in to check out the thread and read it's updates. I find that all said here can be applied to my everyday life.

Jonthepain, congratulations on 5 years of sobriety. It must take a lot of strength on some days. 5 years is a true testament of who you have become and who you want to be. Hat's off to you on a job well done.:clapping::clapping::clapping:.

[jonthepain]

thanks, guys. but it's all grace. no way could it be me.

[jonthepain]

Higher Power...

Higher power = God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. simple.

[katiefishes]

Hey jon, congratulations! The higher power is divine but don't under estimate yourself. It is your strength, and strong will for a better life that makes you succeed. Gods gives us the steps, it is up to us to climb the stairs!:kiss:

[jonthepain]

Thanks Katie.

In other news, I scored a small contract to redesign and SEO a Raleigh builder's website ( http://www.corbettcc.com/ )

Not much but it's something! I start today.

[katiefishes]

Thanks Katie.

In other news, I scored a small contract to redesign and SEO a Raleigh builder's website ( http://www.corbettcc.com/ )

Not much but it's something! I start today.

jon, good going on the contract. You must have some great skills to get hired right away in this economy. Best of luck to you.

[jonthepain]

Thanks Katie!

What's more, is I worked on the site till around 11 am, then the owner asked me if I'd like to clean up one of his plans for him. (That's what I do; I'm an architectural designer.)

woo hoo! it's fun.

too bad it's only for a few days.

btw, when you go to http://www.corbettcc.com/ , that gray home that is on the home page? I designed that. It won a gold Star award a month ago. Unfortunately I wasn't with them at the time, so I didn't get recognized, but it's still cool.

[Frankiesurf]

Just some trivia. AA was founded on this date back in 1935 in Ohio.

[DarkSkies]

[/quote]


6916

Jon the design is awesome, you have a true talent. I hope you get more chances ot put it to use...
Rich. :clapping:










June 11, 2009







Daily Reflections


FAMILY OBLIGATIONS


. . . a spiritual life which does not include . . . family
obligations may not be so perfect after all.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 129


I can be doing great in the program--applying it at meetings,
at work, and in service activities--and find that things have
gone to pieces at home. I expect my loved ones to understand,
but they cannot. I expect them to see and value my progress,
but they don't--unless I show them. Do I neglect their needs
and desire for my attention and concern? When I'm around them,
am I irritable or boring? Are my "amends" a mumbled "Sorry,"
or do they take the form of patience and tolerance? Do I
preach to them, trying to reform or "fix" them? Have I ever
really cleaned house with them? "The spiritual life is not a
theory. We have to live it."
(Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83).





This is a great lesson for alcoholics, fishermen, or any groups that spend a lot of time in pursuit of a single goal: If you neglect your family in the process, you may not have a family to come home to someday. (?...See the Darkside of surf fishing thread here for more into) http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[DarkSkies]

Just some trivia. AA was founded on this date back in 1935 in Ohio.


And on the 10th Anniversary convention in 1945, 2500 people attended.

Man you are absolutely right, Im out of the loop and missed it, thanks for pointing that out. :thumbsup:


http://www.aahistory.com/

[jonthepain]

This is how I drew it:

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/MooreQuarterRender28x6.jpg

(I just happen to be sitting at my old machine right now, cuz I'm working on the website, and could pull it up. Unfortunately they gave my old office to some fancy pants attorney. Here's me in my old office, a coupla years ago: )
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/jonsoffice640.jpg

[plugaholic]

You do some incredible work jon!

[jonthepain]

Thanks, plug. Hopefully when the economy turns around I'll be able to get back into it. It's a fun and satisfying job, but unfortunately the construction industry takes the first hit in a downturn, and is the last to come back.

But like Rich says, it's not a problem that drinking can't make it worse.

I bet you all were wondering if and how this was ever going to get back on topic :D

[DarkSkies]

But like Rich says, it's not a problem that drinking can't make it worse.

Lose your job?
Wife left ya?
Girlfriend left ya for another woman? :embarassed: :laugh:
Hooked and lost a 40# striped bass because of tackle failure? http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif
Wife left ya for your old boss? :burn:
Dad died? Mom died?
One of your children died, unexpectedly?
House in foreclosure?
Lost most of your life savings in a stock market crash?
One of your kids comes home after being estranged from the family for a long time, he's quitting drugs, but you now find he has AIDS?


You're in an airplane plummeting to your impending death from a plane crash?


I realize all of the above are extreme examples, but some of which we might go through in life. And, except the for the airplane example, there really are very few crisises in life that drinking will not make worse.

No matter what road lays before us, it's better to face it sober.


I bet you all were wondering if and how this was ever going to get back on topic :D

Jon, no hijacking protocols for this thread. Hijack any time ya want. Anyone else can hijack and put their comments in here too.:thumbsup:

Commenting in a thread like this one doesn't make anyone an alcoholic, possible alcoholic, or closet alcoholic. I invite ALL members to jump in anytime ya want, say whatever ya want, no judgement. :HappyWave:

We won't bite, I promise. ;) :D :cool:






June 12, 2009







Daily Reflections




FORMING TRUE PARTNERSHIPS






But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends,


and society at large that many of us have suffered the most.

We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 53










Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion.




























For me, I found the way to make friends is to be a friend. Take a sincere interest in the lives of others. If they mention something in which you have experience or knowledge, and they are lacking, tactfully try to help them. If you went someplace and met someone who knows them, put in a kind word or 2 for them.






We make and maintain frienships not only by the interactions we have with possible friends, but every time we meet someone else, and talk positively about them.






One of the best friendships I have made over the past few years is with a guy who is like the pope of the fishin world. This guy knows everybody, yet people don't realize the significance of who he is because he blends in everywhere, with all types of people.






In conversations I've had with him, whenever another person's name comes up, he always has a positive thng or 2 to say about the person being referred to. He can remember small details about them that few people would bother taking the time to remember.






Even with the most notorious fishermen out there, he may honestly say something critical of them, because he's an honest guy. But he will never bad-mouth, slam, or try to ruin the rep of a fellow fisherman, because he doesn't roll that way.






He's a great conversationalist, asking you about not only how ya did fishin, but what's goin on in your life, and participating in the conversation with details he remembers from previous conversations. He's a true friend, I've learned a lot from the way he interacts with others. I'm glad we accidentally came to know each other. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

^^^^^

the awesome people in this world are the ones that are genuinely interested in other people.

hey Rich, thanks for being genuinely interested in me. It really means a lot to me.

jon

[mick2360]

Hey Guys, back in the fray after a short sabbatical. Still sober, by the grace of God and plenty busy with the good stuff of life. A couple of things:Rich, thanks for the PM's. I'll call to schedule some fishing. Jon, congrads on your 5th anniversary. Something about that number is good. :thumbsup: My condolences on your job loss. I'll send a PM.

Hope you are all doing well. One day at a time. i remember when it was one minute at a time.....

[cowherder]

"Anyone else can hijack and put their comments in here too.:thumbsup:

Commenting in a thread like this one doesn't make anyone an alcoholic, possible alcoholic, or closet alcoholic. I invite ALL members to jump in anytime ya want, say whatever ya want, no judgement. :HappyWave:

We won't bite, I promise. "




I had an uncle who drank. He was an embarassment to our family. He seemed like a decent guy, I don't remember it all, but alcohol kept getting in his way, so there was a lot of bad feelings about him. He's dead now. I don't know how this AA stuff works for you guys, but it seems to do something. jonthepain I am sorry to hear you lost your job. This is a bad economy it is no sin to lose one's job. Lots of folks are getting laid off. I hope you find one soon. I will say a prayer that you find one, good luck.

[DarkSkies]

Thanks for your comments, cowherder. It was nice of you to share that with us. :thumbsup:






June 13, 2009







Daily Reflections

LIVING OUR AMENDS

"Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any
wife or child neurotic. The entire family is to some extent,
ill."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 122

It is important for me to realize that, as an alcoholic, I not
only hurt myself, but also those around me. Making amends to
my family, and to the families of alcoholics still suffering,
will always be important. Understanding the havoc I created
and trying to repair the destruction, will be a lifelong
endeavor. The example of my sobriety may give others hope,
and faith to help themselves.










This is interesting to me because I still have people in my family who are messed up, angry, and won't admit anything is wrong with their behavior. Last night I had a dream that I tried to get these people to work together on something so we could do something nice for someone. In my dream, even though I made amends first, it turned out to be a disaster. That tells me that we don't always get what we want, and trying too hard sometimes doesn't solve the problem, no matter how badly we want to resolve things.


Also, we make amends to resolve things from the past, but chiefly because it's the right thing to do. Whatever happens after that is up to God. :learn:

[jonthepain]

MAKING A. A. YOUR HIGHER POWER

". . . . . You can . . . make A. A. itself your 'higher power.'


..then my A.A. group, as my Higher Power.

AA is great, however...

neither AA nor any particular group of people, even an AA group, is God.


I am going to duck now...

[jonthepain]

I think AA/NA ...was trying to appeal to the broadest possible audience, and not create controversy...

I'll buy that.

[DarkSkies]

I'll buy that.

If we get a chance to fish together this year, I'm buyin! :plastered:
(Mountain Dew and diet Coke or Dr Pepper, all ya can drink!) :HappyWave:





Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

We in A.A. have the privilege of living two lives in one
lifetime. One life of drunkenness, failure, and defeat. Then,
through A.A., another life of sobriety, peace of mind, and
usefulness. We who have recovered our sobriety are modern
miracles. And we're living on borrowed time. Some of us might
have been dead long ago. But we have been given another chance
to live. Do I owe a debt of gratitude to A.A. that I can never
repay as long as I live?

Meditation For The Day

Thinking about God in love and worship drives away evil. It is
the thought before that the hosts of evil flee. The thought of
a Power greater than yourself is the call for a life-line to
rescue you from temptation. The thought of God banishes
loneliness and dispels gloom. It summons help to conquer your
faults. Think of God as often as possible. Use the thought
prayerfully and purposefully. It will carry your thoughts away
from material things and toward the spiritual things that make
life worthwhile.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may think of God often. I pray that I may rest in
peace at the thought of His love and care.

[jonthepain]

(Mountain Dew ... all ya can drink!)


that explains a lot :HappyWave:

In case you were wondering what I've been working on lately:

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/cdbindexdraft1.jpg
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/cdbindexdraft2.jpg

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/seoby.jpg

[DarkSkies]

Beautiful work, Jon. :clapping::clapping: Pages looks welll-designed and easy to follow. The green is a subtle draw, maybe indicating that they're involved in green construstion, or was that color chosen randomly? So these are the people you worked for originally before the last job?

[jonthepain]

Thanks, Rich. Yes very much conscious decision to 'go green.' subliminal? let's hope.

these are indeed the people i worked with a year or two ago, for 3 years. a lot of the award winning designs on the website are from my era.

it's fun working for them again, even if temporarily. good folks.

here's their current website:

http://www.corbettcc.com/

[jonthepain]

thanks Rich. I have another iron in the fire, too. Not a job but a business.

I'll let you know how it works out.

[DarkSkies]

Quotes for Father's Day, Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there. My Dad is dead, he died last year. He was a tough SOB, very stingy with the praise, very very cheap, and being argumentative was a daily source of pride to him.

Yet he inspired me to always try harder, if I wanted even a sentence of praise, things had to be almost perfect. :kooky:

And he did have a good heart, he loved his sons, just didn't like to show it a lot. :clapping::thumbsup:

I miss ya Dad, wish you could be here today to have one more Father's Day. I'll see ya again one day, until then try not to argue too much with God. :HappyWave: :kiss:






• "I am indebted to my father for living, but to my teacher for living well." -- Alexander the Great


• "If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right." -- Bill Cosby


• "I talk and talk and talk, and I haven't taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week." -- Mario Cuomo

• "I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work fifteen and sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the simple eloquence of his example." -- Mario Cuomo



"A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be."


-- Unknown


• "A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma." -- Marlene Dietrich

• "Lucky that man whose children make his happiness in life and not his grief, the anguished disappointment of his hopes. " -- Euripedes

• "My father always told me, 'Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.' " -- Jim Fox

• "You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. He's more particular." -- Robert Frost


• "Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad." -- Anne Geddes

• "Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers - and fathering is a very important stage in their development." -- David M. Gottesman


• "One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters." -- George Herbert

• "If the past cannot teach the present and the father cannot teach the son, then history need not have bothered to go on, and the world has wasted a great deal of time." -- Russell Hoban

• "For rarely are sons similar to their fathers: most are worse, and a few are better than their fathers." -- Homer


• "My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, you've had a great life." -- Elbert Hubbard

• "My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it." -- Clarence Budington Kelland

• "My father told me that all businessmen were sons-of-*******, but I never believed him until now." -- John F. Kennedy

• "My father said, 'Politics asks the question: Is it expedient? Vanity asks: Is it popular? But conscience asks: Is it right?'" -- Dexter Scott King


• "The thing to remember about fathers is, they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find Someone chock full of qualms and romantic terrors, Believing change is a threat Like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle It took such months to get." -- Phyllis McGinley

• "My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it." -- Abraham Lincoln


• "A wise son maketh a glad father." -- Proverbs 10:1

• "None of you can ever be proud enough of being the child of such a Father who has not his equal in this world - so great, so good, so faultless. Try, all of you, to follow in his footsteps and don't be discouraged, for to be really in everything like him none of you, I am sure, will ever be. Try, therefore, to be like him in some points, and you will have acquired a great deal." -- Queen Victoria of England

"My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it."

-- Abraham Lincoln

"Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance." -- Ruth E. Renkel

• "Father taught us that opportunity and responsibility go hand in hand. I think we all act on that principle; on the basic human impulse that makes a man want to make the best of what's in him and what's been given him." -- Laurence Rockefeller

• "That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all." -- J. August Strindberg

• "An angry father is most cruel towards himself." -- Publilius Syrus

• "I just owe almost everything to my father [and] it's passionately interesting for me that the things that I learned in a small town, in a very modest home, are just the things that I believe have won the election." -- Margaret Thatcher

• "A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and the two become one flesh." -- The Holy Bible

• "It's only when you grow up, and step back from him, or leave him for your own career and your own home—it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it. Pride reinforces love." -- Margaret Truman

• "A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season". -- Unknown

• "A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty." -- Unknown

• "Small boy's definition of Father's Day: It's just like Mother's Day only you don't spend so much." -- Unknown

• "A father is a guy who has snapshots in his wallet where his money used to be." -- Unknown

• "For thousands of years, father and son have stretched wistful hands across the canyon of time, each eager to help the other to his side, but neither quite able to desert the loyalties of his contemporaries. The relationship is always changing and hence always fragile; nothing endures except the sense of difference." -- Alan Valentine

• "By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong." -- Charles Wadsworth

[jonthepain]

Sorry about your dad, Rich. I still miss my dad and he died in 1986. He was a helluva guy. Not real talkative, so like you say, you knew that praise from him was well earned.
born in 1919.

Today my sons came down from Raleigh and we chilled together. Great day just seeing them.


In other news, I was leaving Lowe's Foods today with a sixpack, and a big pickup truck kinda cruised by me real slow. A couple of guys jumped out, and it was one of my very best friends Burney (that I rarely see anymore) and his best buddy. They said that they busted me cleanly, and if it hadn't been St. Pauli Girl NA they would have taken it from me.

We had a great reunion in the parking lot in front of my old bar. I told them that I just had my 5th anniversary on June 1. And that the last time I had a drink was with my buddy Burney on Memorial Day 5 yrs ago. He remembered it well; we split a 1/2 case of Bud at 10am sitting on our friends back deck, waiting for him to wake up. Then the party started. I hit every gas station on the way home (30 miles) for a fresh 24.

They were happy that I went out in a 'blaze of glory', and didn't simply peter out.

Then they went into the bar, and I split for home and family.

It struck me that I am blessed to have people looking out for me. They might not have actually taken my beer from me, but it really touched me that they said that. I'm sure they would have given me hell tho.

I had a great father's day. In a little bit I'll collect 'dessert.'

:naughty:

see ya
jon

[DarkSkies]

It struck me that I am blessed to have people looking out for me. They might not have actually taken my beer from me, but it really touched me that they said that. I'm sure they would have given me hell tho.

I had a great father's day. In a little bit I'll collect 'dessert.'

:naughty:

see ya
jon


When we least expect it, God shows us the way by putting someone in our path that helps to smooth out the rough spots. It can be one person, or several. Angels come in all shapes and sizes. ;) Glad you had a good day. :thumbsup:

[mick2360]

Acceptance is a hard one for me. I just have to remember that the world does not revolve around me and that I cannot drink unease away.

[DarkSkies]

Hey Mick how ya been? :HappyWave: Hope you had a good Father's Day.






June 23, 2009










Daily Reflections

TRUSTING OTHERS

But does trust require that we be blind to other people's motives or, indeed, to our own?

Not at all; this would be folly. Most certainly, we should assess the capacity for harm as well as the capability for good in every person that we would trust.

Such a private inventory can reveal the degree of confidence we should extend in any given situation.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 144

I am not a victim of others, but rather a victim of my expectations, choices and dishonesty. When I expect others to be what I want them to be and not who they are, when they fail to meet my expectations, I am hurt. When my choices are based on self-centeredness, I find I am lonely and distrustful.

I gain confidence in myself, however, when I practice honesty in all my affairs. When I search my motives and am,honest and trusting, I am aware of the capacity for harm in situations and can avoid those that are harmful.












Some good words here. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

I pray that I may not let myself become too upset.

"let myself"...aint that the truth

sometimes even tho i know that, i still let myself. need to work on the self control thing i guess.


btw, off topic, in the office i'm in, a coupla times a day the office upstairs has elephants stomp around up there. the pictures on the wall shake and everything. very distracting.

i asked the office manager wth is going on up there but she don't know and apparently it doesn't bother her.

well just now i went out to my car to pop some aspirin, and i noticed a guy with three ankle biters take the stairs up there. i don't think anything of it. i look at the sign on the door "so and so mental health pa or whatever."

so now i got elephants again. i feel sorry for the kids. maybe nurse ratchett got a hold of them.

[DarkSkies]

so now i got elephants again. i feel sorry for the kids. maybe nurse ratchett got a hold of them.

Better to hear the elephants than to "see" them, my friend. ;)





Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

One of the most encouraging facts of life is that your weakness can become your greatest asset. Kites and airplanes rise against the wind.

In climbing up a high mountain, we need the stony crags and rough places to aid us in our climb. So your weakness can become an asset if you will face it, examine it, and trace it to its origin.

Set it in the very center of your mind. No weakness, such as drinking, ever turned into an asset until it was first fairly faced. Am I making my weakness my greatest asset?




Food for thought.

[DarkSkies]

June 26, 2009







Daily Reflections





A GIFT THAT GROWS WITH TIME

For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry.
It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 151

The longer I chased these elusive feelings with alcohol, the more out of reach they were. However, by applying this passage to my sobriety, I found that it described the magnificent new life made available to me by the A.A. program. It "truly does get better" one day at a time.

The warmth, the love and the joy so simply expressed in these words grow in breadth and depth each time I read it. Sobriety is a gift that grows with time.
















Well-said. Sometimes we have to be sober awhile to appreciate the benefit. And sobriety also has it's ups and downs. People faced with tragic circumstances in their lives might say "What's the use? I don't see how sobriety is any better if I'm gonna have so many obstacles. "







Well, consider the alternative....:learn:

[mick2360]

Being an alcoholic in recovery seems to run in stages. WhenI first got sober, i wanted to evangelize my drinking friends. As in most things, a positive example and letting people come to me seems to be a better approach.

[jimmy z]

Hi Jon, I hope all is well. I missed wishing you a happy 5th anniversary. I just want to say, we don't get any more than we can handle from our Father.
One thing I realize, being in recovery, is that all of life's situations are tests for us. How we are spiritually, determines how we handle these situation's.
At one time I would moan and groan at all of the hardships. Today, I welcome them, because I know that it s all part of an ultimate plan for us, the big pig picture.

Rich, God bless you my friend, and your diligence is a gift and true blessing.:)

[Pebbles]

we don't get any more than we can handle from our Father.


Jimmy, it's amazing how you wrote that today. There are some serious health problems with my darling sister, who is currently in the hopsital. When we were talking to a pastor today who prayed with us, the pastor said "God does not give us more than we can handle."

Your statement has given me some hope, for it rings true in every problem.

[DarkSkies]

I just want to say, we don't get any more than we can handle from our Father.
One thing I realize, being in recovery, is that all of life's situations are tests for us. How we are spiritually, determines how we handle these situation's.


You always seem to know the most comforting words to say Jimmy. :thumbsup:



Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

Alcoholics are unable or unwilling, during their addiction
to alcohol, to live in the present. The result is that they
live in a constant state of remorse and fear because of
their unholy past and its morbid attraction, or the uncertain
future and its vague foreboding. So the only real hope for
the alcoholic is to face the present. Now is the time. Now is
ours. The past is beyond recall. The future is as uncertain
as life itself. Only the now belongs to us. Am I living in
the now?

Meditation For The Day

I must forget the past as much as possible. The past is over
and gone forever. Nothing can be done about the past, except
to make what restitution I can. I must not carry the burden of
my past failures. I must go on in faith. The clouds will clear
and the way will lighten. The path will become less stony with
every forward step I take. God has no reproach for anything
that He has healed. I can be made whole and free, even though
I have wrecked my life in the past. Remember the saying:
"Neither do I condemn thee; go and sin no more."

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may not carry the burden of the past. I pray that
I may cast it off and press on in faith.
************************************************** *********

As Bill Sees It

Imaginary Perfection, p. 181

When we early A.A.'s got our first glimmer of how spiritually prideful we could be, we
coined this expression: "Don't try to be a saint by Thursday!"

That oldtime admonition may look like another of those handy alibis that can excuse us
from trying for our best. Yet a closer view reveals just the contrary. This is our A.A. way
of warning against pride-blindness, and the imaginary perfections that we do not possess.

[jimmy z]

Jimmy, it's amazing how you wrote that today. There are some serious health problems with my darling sister, who is currently in the hopsital. When we were talking to a pastor today who prayed with us, the pastor said "God does not give us more than we can handle."

Your statement has given me some hope, for it rings true in every problem.

It's truth my friend. And only good can come from truth.

I will pray for you sister, and for you. May the good Lord watch over and protect you both.:thumbsup:

[jimmy z]

Thanks Rich, as well as you, my friend.:)

[mick2360]

Years ago I worked in a farm job over the summer. There was an old guy there who worked from sun up to sundown, never said much but got an amazing amount of work done. One morning I was standing at the edge of a long beet field that seemed to stretch for miles. Old boy says to me, "Never look down the whole row. Look at the plant directly in front of you and give it the care it needs." He was talking about beets but I never forgot that lesson.

The other part of being a drunk in recovery is the past. Man, do I have a tendency to look back. Part of it is shame but I have to turn my friend's advice on its head. Look back at the row and remember but don't live there. Life is so much better now. And I survived. There is nothing that will happen to me today that is out of God's will. I take some comfort in that.

[jonthepain]

"Never look down the whole row. Look at the plant directly in front of you and give it the care it needs." He was talking about beets but I never forgot that lesson.


That's great. I need to live like that.

Who'da thunk I'd learn a life lesson from beets on a fishing website this morning?

[jonthepain]

Got a call from the doctor just now. He said he wouldn't call unless there was something seriously wrong.

He got the blood tests back today, and called to ask me a bunch of questions. Wouldn't tell me much but said it has to do with my liver. Not surprising considering thirty years of alcoholism. Have to go in for more tests Tuesday.

[DarkSkies]

Jon, after talking to you I felt better. If you were dying he would have had you come in right away, so maybe you're ok in that dept. It's still serious enough that you have to come in for a consult. I'll be prayin for ya man, and prayin hard that it's less serious than we can imagine. Hang in there, bud, call anytime.




Daily Reflections






A NATURAL FAITH

. . . deep down in every man, woman and child, is the fundamental idea of God.

It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55

I have seen the workings of the unseen God in A.A. rooms around the country. Miracles of recovery are everywhere in evidence.

I now believe that God is in these rooms and in my heart. Today faith is as natural to me, a former agnostic, as breathing, eating and sleeping.

The Twelve Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power.














I don't talk about God much because the program says Higher Power can be whatever you want it to be, God, the program, the people in it, etc. I imagine that's because they don't want to push the concept of God on people who don't want to hear it.




I also don't talk about God much because I feel I'm not the best spokesman for God. I don't always have the faith that others do. Some people who post on this site seem to have much more faith in God than I do. I admire and respect that, and feel funny sometimes that my faith in God is not as strong as theirs. :embarassed:

For the most part, I live my life making independent choices, and relying on myself. When it comes to God, I know he's there, but I rely on myself to help me get through life.

Nonetheless, I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to God. There were times I drank so much or did so many drugs that I was almost in the coma in the mornings. I know quite a few times I gave my parents and friends a scare, and they didn't think I was going to wake up.

I went to school with quite a few kids who overdosed, and one day DID NOT wake up in the morning.

So what makes me different? Why am I still here? Why didn't I die from all the drugs I did, or the times when I combined alcohol with drugs, always trying to push things to the limit?

I don't know... the only answer I have is that God was watching over me. So from those instances alone I should have faith, and unwavering belief in God...

But I don't always... my faith, and belief, wavers. That's how it still is for me, 25 years into my sobriety. I feel I should be further along, but have to be honest, that's how it is for me.

I admire the people who have more faith in me, and can place their trust in God. Lately I have seen so many sad things, and bad things happening to good people, that the faith I had has become challenged again.

The best solution I can come up is to surround myself with people who have the faith I want, and try to learn from their example. That's why I seem so complimentary to people sometimes. They have the beliefs I want to believe, and am lacking in. So I feel if I align nyself with them, I will learn to have stronger faith.

And here's another paradox about faith. When we are in our darkest hours, or there is someone we know who is in trouble or dying, who do we cry out for??

God, and Jesus. We pray to them, to help us. Because who else can help us when we are at the depths of despair, when we have given up hope, and lost motivation? God is the only one that comes to my mind.

I know this was kinda long-winded and somewhat redundant, but I'm not gonna edit it, for once. :D I'm gonna leave it as it stands, and on this day that is near my sobriety anniversary date, say
Thank You!!! to God for all he has done for me!!!

[jonthepain]

Daily Reflections


[CENTER][CENTER][CENTER][CENTER]A NATURAL FAITH

. . . deep down in every man, woman and child, is the fundamental idea of God.

It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 55

I have seen the workings of the unseen God in A.A. rooms around the country. Miracles of recovery are everywhere in evidence.

I now believe that God is in these rooms and in my heart. Today faith is as natural to me, a former agnostic, as breathing, eating and sleeping.

[COLOR=blue]The Twelve Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power.I don't talk about God much because the program says Higher Power can be whatever you want it to be, God, the program, the people in it, etc. I imagine that's because they don't want to push the concept of God on people who don't want to hear it.

I also don't talk about God much because I feel I'm not the best spokesman for God. The apostle Paul felt the same way
I don't always have the faith that others do. Some people who post on this site seem to have much more faith in God than I do. I admire and respect that, and feel funny sometimes that my faith in God is not as strong as theirs. :embarassed:For the most part, I live my life making independent choices, and relying on myself. When it comes to God, I know he's there, but I rely on myself to help me get through life. I had that same issue for most of my Christian life - and still do, in many instances - and I'll bet you anything that God is working on that with you like He is with me. lol.
Nonetheless, I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to God. There were times I drank so much or did so many drugs that I was almost in the coma in the mornings. I know quite a few times I gave my parents and friends a scare, and they didn't think I was going to wake up.
I went to school with quite a few kids who overdosed, and one day DID NOT wake up in the morning. So what makes me different? [b]Why am I still here? Why didn't I die from all the drugs I did, or the times when I combined alcohol with drugs, always trying to push things to the limit?I don't know... the only answer I have is that God was watching over me. So from those instances alone I should have faith, and unwavering belief in God... Ok, god was watching over you. The deeper question is 'why?' Because He loves you? Obviously. More importantly, because He has something for you to do or someone for you to help or touch or disciple. Rich, I believe that with all my heart.
But I don't always... my faith, and belief, wavers. That's how it still is for me, 25 years into my sobriety. I feel I should be further along, but have to be honest, that's how it is for me. Rich, everybody goes through that. Even me. Especially me. The people I admire most are the ones that pick themselves up, not the ones who never seem to doubt or fall.
I admire the people who have more faith in me, and can place their trust in God. Lately I have seen so many sad things, and bad things happening to good people, that the faith I had has become challenged again.character building. God may be allowing you into contact with this stuff to grow you into who He would have you become. "All things work for good to those who love God." Romans 8:something or other.
The best solution I can come up is to surround myself with people who have the faith I want, and try to learn from their example. That's why I seem so complimentary to people sometimes. They have the beliefs I want to believe, and am lacking in. So I feel if I align nyself with them, I will learn to have stronger faith.Yes but I think that you have more faith than you give yourself credit for. Or else you wouldn't want to hang with those who also have faith.
When we are in our darkest hours, or there is someone we know who is in trouble or dying, who do we cry out for?? God, and Jesus. We pray to them, to help us. Because who else can help us when we are at the depths of despair, when we have given up hope, and lost motivation? God is the only one that comes to my mind.true that.
on this day that is near my sobriety anniversary date, which is, when?
Thank You!!! to God for all he has done for me!!!
That is a very mature prayer, Rich.

My little girl Kristen Jacqueline Cawley died 26 years ago today, July 4, 1983. Kristen, I miss and love you. But I know that you have been raised by a much better Father than I could ever be. I look forward to seeing you and I'm sorry that I couldn't help you to live.

Dad

[mick2360]

Jon, I am sorry for the loss of your angel, Jacqueline. Can't begin to imagine having to deal with that loss but I do know that our Lord promises eternal life to those who love him. I believe that and I'm firm in the belief that you have a wonderful reunion ahead of you.

As for illness, I know a little about that. I nearly died of appendicitis three years ago. Last fall I was diagnosed and treated for bladder cancer. After the first close call, God made me aware of some issues I had to deal with and I also believe I was given some more time to finish up my 'chore list'. Last fall I got some more bad news but what i had was treatable and while there is a pretty good probability of a recurrence, I believe I will be given the strength and grace to deal with whatever faces me.

And all of this makes me grateful. Since I stopped drinking, I have had a lot of time to set things right, to the best of my ability. I didn't bring a lot of glory to God with the first portion of my life. I'm hoping for a warm smile and a "Nice finish!" at the end.

I mention this to say that illness can be a blessing, albeit one we would hope to avoid. But it can sharpen our senses, help us to order priorities and make us thankful for each new day. I will pray for you to find blessings in the midst of your struggles, Jon.

[mick2360]

One small prayer for the suffering addicts, and people still trying to find their path, here:

Holidays are the worst times for addicts and alcoholics. There is the possibility of happiness, but all too often disappointments find their way into our lives for these occasions, and what was intended to be a special day turns into disaster. Sometimes it happens through our own efforts, sometimes others manage to throw a monkey wrench into our plans, and we're disappointed.

I know there are many people still suffering out there. It's not their time to come in from the cold. Destiny says they must suffer a little more until they are ready, and sick and tired of going through the same old motions, and truly desire a new path. So we should pray for them anyway, because hopefully one day they will see the light, and realize they don't have to take that same path anymore. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

God please watch over these souls and all the other ones who are suffering. Please help them to see that they can make different choices, and for the ones who can't, and are suffering from something beyond their control, please in your benevolence see that their suffering is minimized. Thank you, God.
Amen.

Beautifully said. Frame it. :clapping::clapping::clapping:

[DarkSkies]

The apostle Paul felt the same way I had that same issue for most of my Christian life - and still do, in many instances - and I'll bet you anything that God is working on that with you like He is with me. lol. Ok, god was watching over you. The deeper question is 'why?' Because He loves you? Obviously. More importantly, because He has something for you to do or someone for you to help or touch or disciple.

Man, you definitely have a gift of saying meaningful things, thanks for the positive comments, they're really needed right now. :thumbsup:




My little girl Kristen Jacqueline Cawley died 26 years ago today, July 4, 1983. Kristen, I miss and love you. But I know that you have been raised by a much better Father than I could ever be. I look forward to seeing you and I'm sorry that I couldn't help you to live.

Dad


Jon, you may have said something about losing a daughter, but I didn't remember this, choked me up reading it. I'm very sorry to hear of that, it must have been a crushing blow in the path your life has taken. :(

My aunt lost 2 children at birth, and as time goes by, the pain is minimized, but you always remember.

"But I know that you have been raised by a much better Father than I could ever be."

Those words, wow they blow me away! Your faith is the glue that allows you to get through times like this, and I can see your faith is very strong.

God Bless her and all the other children who pass before they have a chance to live their lives, or pass when they have only lived a little bit. And I would hope that our God is so merciful that he looks after these little children a little more, if that's at all possible.

[jimmy z]

Jon, I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine that feeling, of losing a child. My heart goes out to you, my friend. And yes, one day we will see all our loved ones again. I truly believe that. God bless you and stay strong.:thumbsup:

[Pebbles]

Jon, What a terrible heart break to lose a child. As you know she is an angel in heaven. Maybe she is even watching over my sister, who is battling lung cancer which moved to her brain.

Even though it was years ago, the pain must still be like it happened yesterday. I am so sorry for your loss.

[jonthepain]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and prayers. Sometimes I wonder why I burden other people with that. I guess I just needed your help.

Pebbles, I am praying for your sister. That must be very hard to bear.

And lest you all think I am some sort of spititual hero, when Kristen died, I did not thank God for raising her and being a better Father to her than I could ever be. That came much much later.

A very good friend of mine lost his baby girl a couple of years ago, and he said those very words at the funeral. I was really affected by that, by his Christian maturity (and he is a young man, especially compared to me,) and his ability to say that to a church full of his friends and family, because that is not at all where I was at when my daughter died. I was angry at myself, my wife, the doctors, and God, and I guess just about everybody.

Well anyway thanks again for all your kind words.

jon

[DarkSkies]

Today I was lookin for a different message, one that tells me that miracles sometimes happen in the lives of those we know who are suffering with extreme pain.

It's always hard for me to see others in pain, especially when it comes to Pebbles and her family. Right now we're praying for a miracle that her sister won't have to suffer so much. Sadly, logic tells me that's not realistic. So if there is anyone out there who believes in the power of prayer, please pray for Pebbles and her sister. The pain is unbearable on a daily basis, and I'm running out of positive things to say.

Please hang in there, we're not ready to see you leave this world just yet. Your family is not ready. We know you suffer daily, and there are no amounts of words to express the deep regret I have that I can't take half your pain and put it on my shoulders.:(

So please hang in there just a little while longer. Please fight as much as you can so your lung reinflates itself, and you can spend your time with your family in a little less pain. They need and miss you, and as I said, they are not ready, just yet, to say goodbye.

God please show this poor girl your mercy. I'm sorry I don't have more faith in miracles, God, but I'm tryin, Lord. Please watch over her.


I know I don't ask people for a lot, but if there is anyone out there who reads this who can say a few words of prayer for her, please do, because I don't know where else to turn. Thanks people.

[Pebbles]

Thanks DS :HappyWave:

[Pebbles]

R - Thank you so much for your beautiful words. Don't ever think for a minute that you don't know what to say. Somehow you you always say the right things.

[jonthepain]

I am praying for you all.

jon

[DarkSkies]

R - Thank you so much for your beautiful words. Don't ever think for a minute that you don't know what to say. Somehow you you always say the right things.

Thanks, babe. I try my best. The way I'd like to look at that compliment is that I'm better than I used to be. ;) :kiss: We'll keep prayin. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Congratulations on your anniversary, Rich. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

You remind me of Dale Carnegie's admonition to "be genuinely interested in other people." And I think that's the most admirable of traits.

Keep up the good work.

[bunkerjoe4]

You have logged many miles on the recovery trail, One Day at a Time. You have also inspired and helped others unselfishly. I know things are rough right now, but I believe they will get better for you and those around you. I will pray for you all. Congratulations Rich! :clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:

[DarkSkies]

Congratulations on your anniversary, Rich. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

You remind me of Dale Carnegie's admonition to "be genuinely interested in other people." And I think that's the most admirable of traits.

Keep up the good work.

Thanks for the congrats.

Interesting that you would say that, Jon. Early in my sobriety things weren't so good. I got sober, but there were some angry and violent issues with some people in my family, who were still using heavily. There were death threats, dysfunctionality, unexplained vandalism, some crazy and embarassing intervention by LE, and I finally decided I couldn't be near my family for awhile.

A friend who was still getting high said Rich ya can't live there anymore, you can live here for awhile. I was working part-time, still going to school, had no money at all, and was at the end of my rope. His offer was like a Godsend, and I moved in with him and his family. :HappyWave:

They were somewhat dysfunctional, but a heck of a lot better than MY family! ;)

His Mom gave me that book. It was tattered, and I read it over and over to give me strength and to try to find a path to relate better to people. I think I still have that copy somewhere, unless I tried to pass it along to someone who I felt needed it.

Some people think that's a book about getting rich, or successful, but it's not. It's a philosophy written many years ago about how to interact with people around you so that you will bring happiness into your life and theirs.

I already had some of those tendencies, so it might have been easier for me, but I "gobbled up" that book like the porn books I used to steal from my Dad when I was a kid. :naughty:

During the years, I would go back and re-read some passages. I have read parts of the Big Book and the ODAT short stories as well, but there is probably no book that had as major an influence in my life.

Over the years, I have tried to suggest a reading of that book to some of the people who I thought could benefit from it most. Not one has taken me up on my suggestion. Or at least I can say that there is not one person who has read that book, and come back to me and commented about it. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink, right? ;)

So did you read it?
What was your motivation to read that book, Jon?


7267

[jonthepain]

I took the dale carnegie course when i was a licensed insurance agent back in 1980. but i came back to his books many times over the years for the reasons you describe.

i gave it to my middle son daniel when he was 19, and he just devoured it. like you, i've suggested it to many people, but daniel is the only one who really "got it."

thanks
jon

btw going out of town this sun for a week, down to the outer banks. just so you don't worry.

[DarkSkies]

i've suggested it to many people, but daniel is the only one who really "got it."

thanks
jon

btw going out of town this sun for a week, down to the outer banks. just so you don't worry.

At least someone got some use out of that book besides us. :thumbsup:
Enjoy the outer banks, they still catchin drum this time of year?









Some quotes for the weekend:

There are no burdens when everybody lifts.
--unknown

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day" I always
wonder, how can that be? How can you not have all day?
--unknown

Learn to say kind words, nobody resents them.
--unknown

Is not life a hundred times too short for us to bore ourselves?
--Friedrich Nietzsche

First mend yourself, and then mend others.
--Jewish Proverb

Always look at your moccasin tracks first before you speak of
another's faults.
--Native American Proverb

[jonthepain]

The drum are in the sound this time of year. Not much going on in the surf.

The sound is good tho if you know where to look. Specks in holes and sloughs, drum on oyster beds, croakers around structure.

I do well out there in the kayak but I'm not really up to it this year. Think I'll just hang out on the beach with the fam and get some body surfing in.

[DarkSkies]

Think I'll just hang out on the beach with the fam and get some body surfing in.


Jon will you be bringing a surfboard for your dog?;) :HappyWave:

7299

[DarkSkies]

July 21, 2009







Daily Reflections







A PRICELESS GIFT

By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind.

To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxiety--in other words, to all of us--this newfound peace is a priceless gift.
12 & 12, p. 74

I am learning to let go and let God, to have a mind that is open and a heart that is willing to receive God's grace in all my affairs; in this way I can experience the peace and freedom that come as a result of surrender.

It has been proven that an act of surrender, originating in desperation and defeat, can grow into an ongoing act
of faith, and that faith means freedom and victory.












As far along as I have come in the program, this is still a tough concept for me, I do it one day, then waver the other. My faith is weakest when I watch others suffer. I know I can do nothing about it, but I still let it bother me, and it weighs me down sometimes.



My friend and plumbing mentor Stan passed away yesterday afternoon. He was dying for a long time, and suffered for at least a year in the advanced stages of kidney and pancreas failure. As I mentioned before, he was kind of a selfish guy, and a lot of damage to his health was self-inflicted.

Nonetheless, it was painful to see him suffer. Every day he asked someone to kill him, or pour bleach down his throat, he was in that much pain and misery. So I probably didn't visit him as much as I could have, it was too much to see him suffering like that. I wish Dr Kevorkian was still doing his thing, as Stan would have definitely qualified for his mercy.

O Lord, please accept Stan into your house, and please let him enter without penalty. He lived a hard and stubborn life. I'm grateful that our paths did cross, he showed me a lot of his knowledge. Please let him enter into everlasting salvation, and absolve him for his sins. Thank you, God, Amen.

[eclipsedc]

sorry to hear of your loss dark skies. as we get older in life I realize that the connections we make with the people in the program are valuable gifts that that would not be possible without our higher power that I choose to call God. People come and people go into and out of our live but we must nurture our relationships in order to let let them grow. I am a greatful recovering addict.

[DarkSkies]

People come and people go into and out of our live but we must nurture our relationships in order to let let them grow.

How true that is, some good wisdom here. Welcome aboard, thanks for your insight. :thumbsup:





July 22, 2009







Daily Reflections







"THE GOOD AND THE BAD"

"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76

The joy of life is in the giving. Being freed of my shortcomings, that I may more freely be of service, allows humility to grow in me.

My shortcomings can be humbly placed in God's loving care and be removed. The essence of Step Seven is humility, and what better way to seek humility than by giving all of myself--good and bad--to God, so that He may remove the bad and return to me the good.





Amen to that!

[DarkSkies]

Some more quotes... adversity, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. :learn:




Father Leo's Daily Meditation

ADVERSITY

"Adversity reveals genius,
prosperity conceals it."
--Horace

Today I believe that the only way to understand God, the world, my neighbor and myself is through some degree of suffering. Pain
and suffering are humbling in the truest sense; they stop you from being arrogant, selfish and "prideful".

I know this because I was a spoiled child. My family tried to give me everything. Whatever I wanted was given to me; my way or no way! This sick love robbed me of humility and separated me from humanity: it made me feel different, selfish and place me on a pity-pot. Being spoiled stopped me experiencing the real world and stopped me from growing.

Today adversity is part of life and part of being human. Not to grow through adversity is to die. To have everything is to experience nothing. To feel in life -- to have emotion -- demands
adversity and pain.

Teach me to be grateful for the suffering that leads to growth.

[jonthepain]

I am continually amazed at how some people can love the unlovable. I do not have that gift. My wife does.

Rich, you have that gift in abundance.

The next time you are concerned about your faith, especially compared to somebody else's, consider this:

1Cr 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these [is] charity.

or in the NKJ:

1Cr 13:13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these [is] love.

I came across that verse in my daily morning Bible reading this morning, and immediately thought of you.

Hang in there, my brother.

Jon

[DarkSkies]

Jon, you give me more credit than I deserve. I do try to see the best in people, even when others think they should be damned to Hell. Sometimes even I lose patience and give up. I have a lifelong friend who was struggling with a fall off the wagon the last few years. Each time I went to see him and try to offer a hand, he was worse and worse.

I gathered all his closest friends several times and we tried to help, but he apparently wasn't ready, though he kept saying he was. So it was like he was toying with us, over and over.

Finally I told him he might as well be dead because he looked like a walking dead man. Around that time I helped him one more time with bail, but he tried to manipulate so we left him in jail.

I turned my back on him and said I was washing my hands of him. If he got better or not, it was up to God, but I would not make even the slightest effort to help him.

And I stuck to my word, didn't talk to him for the first few months of his sobriety becuase I really didn't believe he was sincere. I had heard the same story so many times I was tired of hearing it, and it was almost easier for him to die, with all the pain he put my family, his girlfriend, and his family through. It was tough to do, especially since this guy saved my life, literally and figuratively, more than once. That hurt the most, to turn my back on a guy who had helped me so much. :(

But I did, and he got better, by the grace of God. To this day he credits me with saving his life. I don't want that kind of praise on my shoulders, and I truly believe I didn't do it anyway. It was God, and sometimes you have to let him do his thing. :learn:

Anyway Jon, if you believe me to be that way, I can live with it. ;) BTW how was your vacation, did you get any pics of those bluefish blitzes? I'm sure the guys would love to hear about a bluefish blitz in the surf, in July! :D

Put up a post in the NC/Hatteras forum when you get a chance, I'd love to hear the details.

[DarkSkies]

Pebbles and I could use some extra prayers this week guys and gals, if anyone out there has any to spare. This is the end of the line for her sister, and conditions are deteriorating fast. I hate to see people suffer.

With all the years of sobriety I have it's something that still rips me up, perhaps now more than it used to, I don't know why. :don't know why: I do know that I have no control over what happens to others. However, that doesn't make it any less painful.

The older I get, the more the suffering of others gets to me. I feel like a wimp to say that, but that's how I feel. There are times when I see or hear about some of the most horrible things that are happening out there, to good people. I think.... please God, put some of that pain and suffering on my shoulders, I can handle it. Anything so that they would suffer less. Anyway, it is what it is, as JimmyZ says, and life goes on, eventually. Thanks, people.


Here's the reading for today, sorry it's a little late:



July 28, 2009







Daily Reflections








THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER


Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.
A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 232


A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand-new, speaker, discussion or study group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find
a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program's survival, depend on my determination to
put first things first.

[mick2360]

Dark, Prayers for Pebbles, her sister and yourself. :heart:

[DarkSkies]

Thanks Mick, much appreciated. :HappyWave: Went to a memorial service for Stan today, and there may be a need for another service within the next few days. So it may be 2 funerals in a week.:(

Kinda bummed right now. I did feel I contributed at Stan's service because I got up and gave a little of my memories of him. I was honest and talked about the good with the bad. His family suffered almost as much as he did with the dysfunctionality he put them through, so they understood the bad as well.

Afterwards, talking to different people, I began to see how much pain he had put others through, and yet they tried their best to love him anyway. As a friend, I would say that was one of the most precious gifts that he wasted in life, the gift of friendship.

Friendships, to me, are different than they used to be, because we live in a much more fast-paced society than things were 30 years ago. But if someone tries to be your friend, ask yourself if you are a good friend to them as well. I know I am frequently asking myself that question. Ask yourself if you truly listen when they are going through stuff, sometimes all of us feel better if someone will take 5 minutes out of their busy day, and listen.

Have you hugged a parent, or someone in your family lately, and said something complimentary to make their day?

Have you said a nice thing to a stranger, or opened a door for someone, or given up your seat on a bus or subway for someone?

To someone who is having a rough time, a smile can be a needed lift to a brutal day. A phone call can be a lifeline back to society, and a hug can be more effective than most anything else. Or just a simple "Hey what's up, I know things are bad, and I wanted to touch base and let ya know I was thinkin about you."

I made 3 strangers smile today because they made me laugh, so I tried to be complimentary in return. I would like to think we all left the luncheon feeling sad, but a little on the light-hearted side after a chance to interact with others.

Thank you to all the people who have extended the prayers and wishes for Pebbles' sister. The end is very close, and you have no idea how comforting some of the calls, PMs, and words can be. Thanks, all, you're a great bunch. :heart:

[larrycchurch]

hello, My name is larry, I am new to this site, and I am not very computer literate. But I always feel welcome when I am with friends of Bill & Doc. I stumbled on to this site trying to find out how to reset trip spring on mitchell 306. Anyway I just left one of my sponcies, he is terminal with cancer, maybe 1 or 2 weeks. I was working on the reel to try and keep my mind occupied. I have known Jeff since he was 3 years old. He was 45 april 15th.I got home at 12 midnight and it was to late to try and find a 12 step call. My sponcer is 77 and I did not want to bother him this late. Thank You for being here tonight.

[DarkSkies]

Hey Larry what's up! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, it must feel overwhelming sometimes. Beyond all the AA stuff, you are a good soul to visit your friend while he spends the remainder of his life fighting this terrible disease.

The hours and even minutes spent alone in a hospital are some of life's cruelest punishments for people who have never known sickness or been accustomed to having activity in their lives, and then suddenly find out a hospital is one of the loneliest places in the world. :(

I just went to a memorial service yesterday for a friend who died from diabetes, and will be going to another one within a few days for someone else who cancer took from us way too early. It makes me realize how short life truly is, nothing is guaranteed. Savor every moment, and say all the good things you need to say to people before it's too late.

Again, your friend who has cancer seems lucky that your paths crossed in life. It's funny how that works out sometimes, someone we think we may barely know may end up being a valued and trusted friend. On the other hand, the way modern society is, with people moving all over the country for jobs and different factors, there seem to me to be less people who maintain life-long friendships. It's fortunate that you were able to have those good times with your friend for all these years. Even more so that you could both work through sobriety together.

I hope you find comfort in the people and words here, and feel free to e-mail me privately any time you like. Welcome! :HappyWave:

[Pebbles]

Larry,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. My darling sister, died last night at the young age of 48. She had non-small cell lung cancer which went to her brain. She had a 2" tumor on her lung and 4, 1" tumors that they could see on her brain.

She was diagnosed in April. She spent the last 6 weeks in the hospital.

I really feel your pain! I am so sad. There are no words to describe how I feel. I wish I could curl up in a ball and go to heaven with her.

I have to write the Eulogy for the service. I picked out this poem as part of what I am going to read. Maybe you can find comfort in it as well.


I'M FREE

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God has chosen for me.
I took His hand when I heard him call;
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I've now found peace at the end of day.

If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss;
Oh yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
Look for the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seems all to brief;
Don't lengthen your pain with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and peace to thee,
God wanted me now-He set me free
Author: Shannon Lee Moseley.

[DarkSkies]

I can't do the BillW thing today, guys. I just can't, sorry.

Instead I thought I would put up some stuff I found about Death, Dying, and families. Pebbles has been such a great sister to her Sis. She has basically spent most of the last 3 months at her sister's side, sharing early childhood experiences, reliving all the good times, helping greatly in times of sadness, and helping her sister and her family to make the transition and acceptance that one needs to do when someone leave this world for good. :(

People might not realize this about Pebbles if they met her, but she is a truly strong woman. Those in her family have come to look up to her as their rock, and trusted in her to help them make the final decisions with the Healthcare Directive and DNR requests.

They have also looked to her as a calming influence and a voice of reason in facing the devastating brutality of a slow death from cancer, where you can't really help the person who is dying, you can only stand there, watch helplessly, and try to comfort as best you can.

Yet Pebbles took all this in stride, and managed to keep it together for the people who were hurting and didn't know how to deal with this looming event in their lives, that was bearing down on them like a freight train.

I would hope some of you people here get a chance to meet Pebbles when we are out there fishing sometime. She is truly an amazing woman. I'm glad God brought her into my life.

Here are some things I found in searching for the right things to say....



If tears could build a Stairway...

If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.

My heart's still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay.

God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.
I Knew you for a Moment.....

[DarkSkies]

Some more...

date 29/1/09
I saw my sister in the chapel of rest,
and held her little hand,
she looked so peaceful and content,
she will never understand,
the pain,the hurt the tears i've cryed
wishing that she had never died.
all the months and all the years
we could of shared together
we still can do that,in my heart
because the memory of you i'll treasure.



Youre Not Here

© Alyson Drummond
I think of you Emma, every day
your smiles and chatter, the words you did say.
The coffees and catch-ups, the time that we shared,
busy lives lived close together, showed just how much we cared.

If only I could turn back time,
to when our lives were sailing along just fine.
Our sisterly chats, our planned places to go,
the soft plays, parks, shops and the beach,
where did those sands of time go?

You kept saying, “Why me?”
“One day at a time” and “keep positive” was all I could say,
I think of your words every day.

I always believed you would get more time with your beautiful boys,
for more love, laugh and play, with them and their toys.
But you didn’t get that chance, and you’re not here…

Why you Emma? Why were you taken from us so young?
How can we ever again have such fun?
I miss your bright sparkle, your humour and zest for life,
this empty void you have left behind, cuts like a knife.

We were both robbed Emma, of precious time,
we should be sharing now, and in the years down the line.
The pleasures of watching our kids learn and grow,
Special “Auntie Emma”, my eternal sorrow.

You had so much to live for, so much yet to do,
it still feels unreal, being here without you.
I know I have to somehow live with the pain,
of never seeing your smile or hearing your voice ever again.

The answers that I’ll never find, nor ever understand
I only wish you were here
so I could hug you and take you by the hand,
down to the beach with the kids for ice-cream,
to paddle in the sea and write our names in the sand.

I miss you so much Emma, more than words can ever say,
my precious memories of you are with me every day.



Missing My Sister

© Belinda Stotler
One morning I found you in eternal sleep;
I tried to wake you as I began to weep,
But all my pleas you could not hear;
Oh if I could have only kept you near,
Away from the voices of those who went before,
Who beckoned you to come to that distant shore.

I find it so very hard to believe
That you have gone and I must grieve;
I call out your name -- you answer not,
And I look for you in every familiar spot.
Everything seems so strange and surreal,
I ask everyday is it a dream or real?

Where are the soft brown eyes of affection?
Where is the laughter and talk of childhood reflection?
Where is the loving care when I was sick or sad?
Where is the generous soul for which I was glad?
Where is the forgiving and understanding heart?
Where are the bonds that were there from the start?

I miss all the little ways you showed you cared,
For there were so many good moments we shared;
Looking back on my life’s assorted scenes,
I realized you taught me what love truly means;
You were my trusted confidante and best friend,
On whose loving support I could always depend.

I look at your smiling face in all my photos;
Memories flood my mind as I touch the mementos
From the happy times you and I have had,
But now these bring tears and make me sad;
For the time together went by in a wink,
Life was not as long as we’d like to think.

Sometimes memories bring comfort and make me smile,
But there are times when grief takes over for a while;
Friends offer gentle words and prayers to console,
And tell me what has happened to your loving soul;
Can it be true what they say of time healing grief?
Is it enough when they say death has given you relief?

Can we believe what others say of a better place,
Where our beloved ones rest in God’s warm embrace?
I should be happy you’re free of pain and sorrow,
And rejoice that you’ll always have tomorrow.
How can I then be so heartbroken and selfishly cry,
Return to me from that peaceful place where you lie!”

Now I look down at your name on a cold hard stone
That says little of the loving light you have shone;
It tells nothing of the wonderful person you were,
And only serves to remind me of the painful loss I endure;
But I know your kind soul wants no tears or pain,
Instead you’d want warm memories and love to remain.

Although I cry and stand grief-stricken by your grave,
I promise not to forget the loving memories you gave;
But still I miss you so very much my sister dear,
And your caring words I once again long to hear;
My heart’s only solace is one day I will see you as before,
Beckoning me to come join you on that white distant shore.







I liked this one the best :thumbsup:

A Brillant Golden Ray

© Belinda Stotler
One morning under a clear blue sky day,
There was a crisp November chill in the air,
As the sun shone down in a brilliant golden ray,
Upon all the sweet flowers and people gathered there.

The fall leaves gently rustling with the breeze,
Whispered soft sounds that soothed the soul.
Birds flew on silent wing amongst the trees,
Singing sweet melodious songs as if to console.

Although it was a day that was heaven sent,
It was tinged with a sadness few want to face,
For beneath the beautiful sunny sky was a green tent,
Sheltering a flower-draped coffin at its resting place.

Inside a beloved sister now silent, cold and still,
Lying in eternal slumber over her waiting grave,
As loved ones gathered to witness God’s will,
And to speak kindly of the warmth that she gave.

The priest spoke verses well used over many years,
Assuring all she is with those who’ve gone before;
As loved ones tried to see through blinding tears,
And offer prayers for a new soul on a distant shore.

A loving sister spoke of her good and kind heart,
And of the care given when loved ones were sick or sad.
She talked of friendship and of bonds there from the start,
And of a warm generous soul for which she was glad.

With a final loving glance and nothing more to say,
She was laid to rest beneath the green sod with care,
As the sun shone down in a brilliant golden ray,
Upon all the sweet flowers and angels gathered there.

[jonthepain]

That's a beautiful poem by Shannon Lee Mosely, Pebbles.

Hang in there.

Jon

[DarkSkies]

One of the first things I learned early in my sobriety is the difference between "can't" and "won't". Quite often it can make all the difference in the world. Understanding this difference is one of the basic building blocks of sober living. :thumbsup:






Walk In Dry Places

Can't or Won't?
Willingness
"I can't do it," a person declared as the meeting opened. "I simply can't stop drinking." That launched the evening's discussion as thirteen people offered their ideas and suggestions.

One idea that emerged was that CAN'T was really WON'T. The individual was still holding back on re3commeded actions, such as attending more meetings and making excuses for not doing so. It became clear that the quest for sobriety was still only half-hearted.

In dealing with a powerful addiction, we learned long ago that half-hearted approaches don't work. That's why willingness is called the KEY to recovery. If the "Won't" factor isn't eliminated, our chances for recovery are very poor.

Some people recognize their "won't" attitude but still desire sobriety. For them, the answer is to continue attending meetings and doing the other things that bring sobriety. This can result in a breakthrough when they least expect it.

I'll remember today that can't is often won't. If I'm not taking the right steps to help myself, I'll check myself for willingness.

[jonthepain]

great point.

every now and then i am asked to attend or facilitate an "intervention."

i ask them if the 'subject' (i'm sure he'd consider himself the 'victim') of the intervention actually wants to quit. they usually say something like "well no, that's why we need an intervention." :huh:

i tell them to call me when the poor sob wants to quit, and then maybe i can give him some encouragement, share my story with him, and point him to some verses that have been a help to me.

but until someone actually wants to be sober and change his life around, what's the point? if someone had pulled that kind of a stunt on me when i was drinking, not only would it have gotten ugly right quick, it probably would have pushed me in the other direction, back to my drinking buddies, and would have certainly reinforced my "us vs. them" mentality.

[DarkSkies]

Sorry I missed the reading yesterday, guys and gals, been a little busy. :embarassed:


A friend sent this to me. I thought it made sense because who among us, whether alcoholic or not, has never had depression in their life? :don't know why:



Noble deals and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
--Dodie Smith

When we change our lives, we give up old patterns. Some of these old patterns, as harmful as they may have been, were like our best friends. We could turn to them for comfort and escape. After giving them up, and after the first elated feelings of liberation, we may also have to deal with depression and grief of loss.

What should we remember at these times? First of all, depression has a beginning, and it has an end. In the midst of it, we may feel that nothing will ever look good again. That is not so. The loss of energy, the dark mood, the hopelessness – all will pass and we will regain our vitality and joy of life. Second, it helps to stay active. Physical activity is one of the best medicines for a depressed mood: vigorous walks, physical labor, or a good workout at the gym.

Another kind of activity is helping others, reaching out to those in need of companionship and a helping hand. It is surprising how good it feels to make a difference in another person’s life. The third thing we can do is stop our negative thoughts. We can simply interrupt a train of thought in the same way we might interrupt a conversation and change the subject. Finally, we can take comfort in the faith that our Higher Power will provide what we need in the long run.

Today I will take good care of my mental well-being.




I like the third part I highlighted above because sometimes isolated thinking is enough to motivate me, or to send me into a further downward spiral. I do my best thinking alone, yet being alone too much is unhealthy. Therein lies the paradox that we as alcoholics and addicts are faced with.

The important thing is to have a balance in life. I'm a prime example of that. When there is a lack of balance and spirituality in my life, it's easy for feelings of depression, and feelings of being overwhelmed, to creep in. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

You combat that by getting out of the funk you're in, staying physically active, whether it's fishing, walking with your family or girlfriend, and making sure the HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired - triggers are not triggered.

The road to Sobriety is quite simple if we let go and listen to constructive feedback from others.

In my recovery, I seem to have had a lot of roadblocks and disappointments lately. However, I know that I am more willing to listen to feedback from others that I used to be. Sometimes they can see us as we cannot see ourselves.

For that, I'm grateful for those in my life who give me advice when I seek it. I am much better off listening to them. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

You've always been there for me.

[DarkSkies]

^ That's too over the top, man, people might talk. :kiss: :heart: :laugh:

[dogfish]

My point in all of this is that if there is anyone who reads this and feels I am not there for them, please call me on it and pull me out to come help ya.


You can only do so much for people, dark. If you know in your heart that you helped them when they needed help, let that be your guide. Too many in this life are users, and selfish. I would be very happy if I could live on an island with my family, surrounded by abundant fish and game. No need for contact with the outside world, except for twice a year visits to the inlaws to make the wife happy.:D

[jonthepain]

unfortunate choice of smilies there, pal.

your mancard may be at risk

[DarkSkies]

Hey bro, as long as I don't look like the guys in the pic below or have trouble deciphering the prime focus of the other pic, I'm ok, don't need to worry about revoking the mancard. ;)

But.....if we ever end up fishin together and you see me wearin a speedo, I give you permission to shoot me on sight. :thumbsup:

(I'll never understand why guys over 25 think it's ok to wear weird bathing suits.) I was fishin at Sandy hook about 4 years ago and a guy comes up to me fishin with a pink bathing suit, no shoes or shirt, just a tackle bag, rod, and a pink bathing suit. :ROFLMAO:

He couldn't understand when he asked me how the fishin was, I stared into space like he wasn't there. :kooky: :D



7492

7493

[dogfish]

I was fishin at Sandy hook about 4 years ago and a guy comes up to me fishin with a pink bathing suit, no shoes or shirt, just a tackle bag, rod, and a pink bathing suit. :ROFLMAO:
He couldn't understand when he asked me how the fishin was, I stared into space like he wasn't there. :kooky: :D



That wasn't very friendly of you, maybe he wanted to ask you about your rod and you blew him off.:eek: :laugh:

[DarkSkies]

^Yup, if that's the fantasy you need to get yourself through your day, feel free to hold on to that double entendre. :kooky: BTW, I'm still waitin for my invite to fish Mass. :D

[jonthepain]

Some quotes about patience today.

"i want patience, and i want it NOW!"

[DarkSkies]

"i want patience, and i want it NOW!"

Yep, that's me, at least 50% of the time! :embarassed: ;)

[DarkSkies]

Walk In Dry Places

Is Life Unfair?
Justice
The glib remark "Life is Unfair" is sometimes used to dismiss any concern about trouble or seeming injustice. This usually implies that all such matters are part of God's plan..... that somehow God couldn't create life without making it unfair. But nobody really knows whether life is unfair or not, since what we see
is only a small part of it.

We should know, however, that we can practice fairness ourselves. We will live better if we forget how unfair
life can be and make the best of the opportunities we have.

Some of us could even argue that life treated us unfairly by giving us a susceptibility to alcoholism. In the long run, this turned out to be an opportunity to live the Twelve Step program.

Some of us even consider this to be outworking of divine justice that has proved to be eminently fair. As one AA member put it, It was a case of one of the worst things becoming one of the best that ever happened to me !

I'll not let any seeming unfairness or injustice keep me from doing my best today. My real belief is that there is an eternal justice underlying all things.











Any time I think of how unfair life is, or if I think it's an important use of my time to feel sorry for myself, :beatin: it's usually because I'm not looking at the whole picture.

Sure there are tons of people out there who have successful lives and don't deserve it. They didn't work as hard as I did, I tell myself, they didn't pay their dues! Someone spoon fed them or bankrolled them, or made excuses for them until they rose to whatever position they got. Or, they didn't really work hard in life, and have coasted through the rough spots through someone else's benevolence. :burn:

But is that the whole side of the coin, and am I being fair and balanced if that's the way I'm looking at it? :huh:

How do I know their lives are perfect? :don't know why:
How do I know they aren't?

Ever get the Christmas newsletter from the family member or acquaintance who is bursting at the seams, because Missy got accepted to Harvard, Johnny is completing a summer internship at a big pharm company, (and may have invented an AIDS vaccine) :rolleyes:, Dean the Dad has just been elected international VP of his company with a $100k raise, Mom is not only chair of the PTA but also the Nationwide coordinator for PETA! :laugh:

We have all seen letters like this, many if us in our own families. Take yourself back to a time when you got a letter like that, and how it made you feel....:(, or :burn:, or :2flip:??

We can't know what goes on in the day to day lives of these people, even if they are our families. We cannot be sure that their lives are so rosy or worthy of being jealous of.

Instead why not think of the family who is the working poor, who is struggling to pay their bills every month, who is one step away from foreclosure, or eviction, or welfare, because this rough economy is beating them down so much they can barely hold on?

Like survivors of a sinking ship, they try as best they can, clinging to that life raft of hope.

Or how about the family that has been given the precious gift of having a deformed child, who either was born that way, or one that develops a crippling, life threatening disease soon after they're born? What about their burden, and unfortunate circumstances?

Has life been fair to them?

Perhaps not. If we think about it, they don't give up, they persevere, they learn about the circumstances, and they attempt to struggle through. :clapping:

Although a little crazy, I'm not mentally handicapped, I thank God for that.
I'm not physically handicapped, I also thank God for that,
I am neither rich nor extremely poor, many will always be better off than I am.
But..... there will always be someone worse off.

For today, I need to be grateful for where I am, and the opportunity to go work on a path to go wherever life takes me. I couldn't do that without drugs or alcohol crowding my life.

If I hadn't come to the program from alcohol and drug abuse, I feel I would never have gotten to read some of these readings. Maybe I would have focused the rest of my life on how unfair life is.
And it certainly is unfair, each of us could come up with dozens of examples and rants as to why that is.

But, as JimmyZ says, it is what it is. Faith in recovery, work on ourselves, and belief in a Higher Power will pull you though almost any crisis. It won't happen by imagining it, you have to help it along. One good thing is that we don't have to face it alone. :thumbsup:

[crosseyedbass]

Life would be much easier if we spent our time working on our own lives and less time worring about those who have more than we do, received more than they should have, or are always walking on easy street.

[DarkSkies]

^Crosseyedbass, way to keep it simple, thanks for the perspective. :thumbsup:



Self-analysis and insight:

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

"Unless we discuss our defects with another person, we do not acquire enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty to really get the program.

We must be entirely honest with somebody, if we expect to live
happily in this world. We must be hard on ourselves, but always
considerate of others. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character and every dark cranny of the past.

Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we can look the world in the eyes." Have I discussed all my defects with another person?

[DarkSkies]

I just noticed this thread has over 2500 views. Seems like someone is getting something out of this. I hope so,and am glad to hear people are helped from time to time. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

Some people aren't comfortable revealing personal details of their lives on the internet. For every example I put out there of bad behavior, I know I have probably done worse in my active addiction. I think for those out there who are struggling, it helps to know others were more messed up than they are, yet we have made it to the path of Sobriety.

Someone once asked if I would be embarassed to see many of my failures documented here. As long as we learn from them, they're more than failures. They're steps on life's path of learning. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

There is a new study out that said something about parents possibly holding back growth by praising their children for every little thing. I believe we all need a little adversity in our lives now and then. If we have never known anything but life on pink cloud devoid of turmoil, how will we know how to react in a crisis? :don't know why:

Unfortunately, we cannot determine the amount of pain we will be dealt in our paths in life. Sometimes it seems tough to hold on. That's when we must turn to God and our support groups for the lifeline. We can't do it alone.



todaysgift@hazelden.org (todaysgift@hazelden.org)
Helping each other survive the traumas of our lives strengthens us. We can't be overwhelmed by any experience if we rely on each other for support as we walk through it. How lucky we are.

Having the courage to take advantage of opportunities transforms us. Where do we want to take our lives? Who do we want to become? The decisions are many and exciting. The counsel of our friends can guide us, but which doors we open is up to us.

Most of us experienced the pain of our lives alone. Revealing to someone else what our lives were like was far too scary. How could they possibly like us or accept us if they knew who we really were? Now those days are gone forever. Our decision to get help, and thus give help, is giving every one of us the new life we deserve.

My rebirth gives me opportunities to share my good fortune with others. I will be attentive to everyone today

[DarkSkies]

Some thoughts for today. When I first got sober, there was a story how someone let a busted shoelace drive them to drink. If you can't change the circumstances, maybe you should remove yourself from the people, places, or things that are causing you distress. How important is it? :learn:

How important is it?

The young man in the meeting was very angry and upset. His lawnmower had broken down. He was having a cookout in his back yard that evening, the yard “looked terrible,” and he’d paid a lot of money for that mower! After he went on for some time, an older woman gently interrupted him and asked, “Was anyone hurt? Was there danger? Would your guests walk out?” And finally, “Did you lose your sobriety over it?” The young man smiled, as he answered “no” to all the questions. “No, it was not that important after all.”

We all overreact sometimes to situations, people, and events that, later, we see were really not important. The next time we are bothered by someone or something that threatens to ruin our day, we will try to remember to ask ourselves. “How important is it?” If it’s not important, we’ll spend our time and energy on what is important. There is a world of difference.

Today help me to know what is important, to forget what’s not, and ask others for perspective when I‘m not sure.


todaysgift@hazelden.org (todaysgift@hazelden.org)

[dogfish]

The desire to change our lives means nothing without the willingness. It's always easier to think about change rather than doing it. But "doing it" is the only thing that will put us on a different path. Inertia can be an enemy at times. It has held me back as well, and is something I need to be aware of. :learn:




What is it they say about the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step? Inertia or apathy is a block to getting off your *** and getting it done. Good point, dark.

[DarkSkies]

Serenity




October 3, 2009







Daily Reflections




SERENITY AFTER THE STORM



Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that

pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily
we A.A.'s can agree with him. . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p p. 93-94





When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful,

that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness.





If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress.





7791

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved . . . the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave.
--George Eliot

We've all heard many times that we must love ourselves if we're ever to love another. Too often we mistakenly think that means we shouldn't need to hear someone's affirmation of love. That assumption is wrong. Praise from others builds our self-confidence, keeps us on track, aware of how we're presenting ourselves moment by moment.

But many of us didn't develop healthy egos in our youth because we didn't get feedback that affirmed us. We didn't hear we were loved. As adults, we're scrambling to feel confident, to feel sure of our direction and our value to society. And we're hoping to hear we're loved. We can be certain someone close will be helped by hearing our words of love.

There's no time like the present for sharing love.

todaysgift@hazelden.org (todaysgift@hazelden.org)


Before I C&P the above passage, I read it and said to myself, "Well, it sounds kinda gay if you don't understand the message in it." I decided to post it anyway. ;)


The thing about loving people in your lives is that in my perspective, as a man it's been difficult to say to someone outside of a family relationship that I love them.

But in healthy relationshipw we need to be able to say this, not only to people outside the family, but sometimes strangers need to hear it too.

Qiuick story:
I've done a lot of cleaning work for the state, and we get the most disgusting jobs that no one else wants. We have been in situations where people are literally prisoners in their own house, caged in by their obsessive clutter and hoarding.

When we finish a job like that, I prompt my workers to give the person a hug. One job I clearly remember is that a lady was so dirty and messy that she, a mid 60-year old white lady, had her hair so matted it looked like she had dreadlocks. She probably hadn't had a bath in a year. But she was so appreciative of our efforts that we hugged her anyway.

As I hugged her, she cried, saying she couldn't remember the last time anyone had touched her. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif I'm sure we made not only her day, but after we left she had a better week because of these simple acts of kindness.

This was part of the learning experiences I have had where I see a disconnect in society. People do not seem to be as warm as they were when I was growing up, except in certain cultural backgrounds. To me, it's almost as if people avoid closeness or physical intimacy because they feel weird about it. That's a normal reaction.

However, the contact we had with that older lady, and the feelings she expressed, made me realize that sometimes kind words or a hug can make all the difference in someone's day, or their outlook on life.

Pick up the phone and tell someone ya love them today, or give them a hug. It won't kill ya!!! :D For some of us with elderly parents or relatives or friends, it may be the last day we will see them alive. You just never know.....

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Children do not know how their parents love them, and they never will till the grave closes over those parents, or till they have children of their own.
--Edmund Vance Cooks

As adults, we may feel we were cheated out of a "normal" childhood because of our parents' emotional, physical, or spiritual failings. We may think they should never be forgiven for their actions or inactions when we were young.

Yet imagine what our lives would be like today if we did not forgive. We would be bitter, stomping angrily through life with a clipboard in hand, ready to write down the name of the next person who crosses us. It's time to throw away the clipboard and the names on it - including the names of our parents.

The program teaches us to love those who come into our lives, even if we don't like them. It teaches us forgiveness through our Higher Power. We do not have to like our parents, but we can love them. By the same token, we need to realize our parents love us in their special way. They aren't perfect - and neither are we.

Help me remember my parents did the best they could with what they had. That's all anyone can really do.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

When my Dad died, I thought to myself: ya know, he was a pretty mean SOB, selfish, abusive, cruel, not respectful of others or their points of view, and selfish again in how he chose to spend his time in family relationships
.

Looking back at how he grew up and the choices he made in his life, I have come to realize he did love us, within the limited capacity that he knew. Some people are capable of going only so far in relationships and interactions with others. My Dad did the best he could, with what he had.

As I get older, I see that there a lot of adults carrying baggage around from dysfunctional relationships they had when they were younger. I'm grateful as an alcohilic and addict I got the chance to see some of those dynamics here in my life,. and could re-evaluate some of the perceptions I had of my Dad.

No matter what you think of a person, dead is dead. Your anger at them will dissipate. I can tell you from my perspective, you will miss them when they're gone. :learn:

[jonthepain]

I still miss my dad. He died in '86.

He was a great man.

[Pebbles]

I am so sorry. The loss of a loved one seems to carry on forever. My dad died in 2005 and of course my sister this past Aug.

I seem to have events which trigger the sense of deep loss. One main one I get is when fishing. When all is quiet and it is 2:00am, Rich is down the beach, and I am standing there all alone, I remember him. I remember our fishing trips, the way he called me darling, his smell, and his touch. I look to the heavens and talk to him.

Everyone's loss and feelings are different but I hear you. I am sorry for the loss of your father.

[DarkSkies]

I still miss my dad. He died in '86.

He was a great man.


I am so sorry. The loss of a loved one seems to carry on forever. My dad died in 2005 and of course my sister this past Aug.

I seem to have events which trigger the sense of deep loss. One main one I get is when fishing. When all is quiet and it is 2:00am, Rich is down the beach, and I am standing there all alone, I remember him. I remember our fishing trips, the way he called me darling, his smell, and his touch. I look to the heavens and talk to him.

Everyone's loss and feelings are different but I hear you. I am sorry for the loss of your father.


Pebbles and Jon, I hear both of you, sorry for your losses. These losses make us who we are, although the pain is tough to deal with sometimes. I think it does minimize over time, but losing a parent brings you into a zone of sadness that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Losing a parent makes us feel as if we lost part of our identity, and we must forge on ahead on a new path where we alone have not walked yet.

I still talk to my Dad, even though he can't answer me now. I find comfort in thinking that at least he can hear me, and it helps me to deal with some of the sadness. Pebbles, I know your Dad meant the world to you. I really believe he would be proud of the way you have kept your family and things together since he passed. I believe he would tell you that, if he could. I know I am proud of the struggles you faced, and overcame.

Youd Dad was a good man, I miss him too. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif

[DarkSkies]

For Sat and Sun, in case I get washed off a jetty and can't post.;)

Saturday, October 17, 2009
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.
--Kathleen Casey Theisen

Recovery offers us courage to make choices about the events of our lives. Passive compliance with whatever is occurring need no longer dominate our pattern of behavior. Powerlessly watching our lives go by was common for many of us, and our feelings of powerlessness escalated the more idle we were.

Today, action is called for -- thoughtful action in response to the situations begging for our attention. Recovery's greatest gift is the courage to take action, to make decisions that will benefit us as well as the people who are close to us. Courage is the byproduct of our spiritual progress, courage to accept what we cannot change, believing that all will be well, courage to change in ourselves what we do have control over.

An exhilaration about life accompanies the taking of action. The spell that idleness casts over us is broken, and subsequent actions are even easier to take. Clearly, making a choice and acting on it is healthful. The program has given us the tools to do both.

Decisions will be called for today. I will be patient with myself, and thoughtful. I will listen closely to the guidance that comes from those around me.

********
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Each day provides its own gifts.
--Ruth P. Freedman

We are guaranteed experiences that are absolutely right for us today. We are progressing on schedule. Even when our personal hopes are unmet, we are given the necessary opportunities for achieving those goals that complement our unique destinies.

Today is full of special surprises, and we will be the recipient of the ones which are sent to help us grow - in all the ways necessary for our continued recovery. We might not consider every experience a gift at this time. But hindsight will offer the clarity lacking at the moment, just as it has done in many instances that have gone before.

We are only offered part of our personal drama each day. But we can trust our lives to have many scenes, many acts, points of climax, and a conclusion. Each of us tells a story with our lives, one different from all other stories and yet necessary to the telling of many other stories too. The days ahead will help us tell our story. Our interactions with others will influence our outcomes and theirs. We can trust the drama and give fully to our roles.

Every day is a gift exchange. I give, and I will receive.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



If the people who are close to you and know you give you advice, try to pay attenton. They ain't doing if for your health, it's because they care. :learn:

[jonthepain]

Have a great time on the jetty!

[DarkSkies]

Jon, almost called ya tonight. Pebbles and I were near your old stomping grounds, way in the back away from all lights and civilization, pure sedges and some washed out roadway. New moon tide was cresting over the road. :eek: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

that's one of the best qualities in a friend, the ability to give someone your honest opinion, even if that opinion is slightly offensive.


You have B.O.


No, but seriously, you are right on the money with that one.

Sometimes it takes me a couple of days to calm down, but then i really appreciate my buddy all the more for telling me something that I didn't necessarily want to hear.

btw I'm about to call you right now. :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

You have B.O.




Fishin for more than 24 hours at a time can cause those issues to arise. ;) On the positive side, that and egg sammiches mean that strangers are in for a surprise if they feel they can come in and fish 5 feet away from ya! :laugh: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

It's a problem that can be repaired and fixed with time and effort.

good luck, rich. I'm prayin for ya.

[DarkSkies]

good luck, rich. I'm prayin for ya.

It got worse for a bit yesterday, but hopefully today will be better. Thanks.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I haven't won yet but I haven't lost, either.
--Dennis C.

A favorite saying in sports is, "It isn't losing to get knocked down. Losing is staying down."

In life, as in sports, that idea makes great sense. Like "Let go and let God," or "Let it begin with me," it is a saying that reminds us of an important underlying principle. In this case the principle is that battles aren't wars, but rather a series of campaigns. No one wins every time out, or can expect to. And some battles aren't worth fighting anyway.

Fighting a battle isn't hell – our unrealistic expectations are. When we strike out against some old attitude or behavior, we have to realize we're in for the long haul. When the enemy is some aspect of ourselves, we are up against a formidable opponent that won't give up easily. We have to expect that there will be many battles – and not a few defeats. The winner is the one who perseveres longest.

Only continued effort wins the war; we can't lose if we don't quit.

Today, I pray for persistence in the face of many defeats. I ask my Higher Power for courage to keep at it.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

Well-said. Here's an inspirational song I think of when things get me down. :thumbsup:


fm4iU0yx9GY

[jonthepain]

boy that's a blast from the past...

i used to sing that in my head alot when i got knocked down back in the day.

thanks for the reminder Rich!

[buckethead]

I try to live by this every day. Our children are a reflection of us. Teach them well and they will flourish. Thanks of the reminder.

[DarkSkies]

boy that's a blast from the past...

i used to sing that in my head alot when i got knocked down back in the day.

thanks for the reminder Rich!

Got another one for ya Jon, hope ya like hardcore! :HappyWave:

CrctcJqfpXU

[jonthepain]

well it never fails. i had that song stuck in my head for a coupla days, then i get tested...ida stops by, and my master bath ceiling is leaking like a sieve, about to collapse, so i go down in the basement to get something, and there is 2 inches of water down there.

full basement full up.

just a reminder, i guess, that it's not me that gets back up again, i can't do it myself.

and never is a really big word.

[DarkSkies]

well it never fails. i had that song stuck in my head for a coupla days, then i get tested...ida stops by, and my master bath ceiling is leaking like a sieve, about to collapse, so i go down in the basement to get something, and there is 2 inches of water down there.

full basement full up.

just a reminder, i guess, that it's not me that gets back up again, i can't do it myself.

and never is a really big word.


:( Jon, ya know if I lived closer I would be there helping you to vacuum out the water and put the fans down there. I'm sorry to hear that, this fall has brought some bad weather to people. I hope ya get dried out, call me anytime.

Remember that it's not much a measure of your sobriety how you deal with the good times. What's important is how you roll when you get kidney-punched with bad news. I'll be praying for ya, man. :thumbsup:

[mick2360]

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong; the amount of work is the same. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong; the amount of work is the same. :thumbsup:

Can I get an amen, my brothers and sisters! ;) :clapping::thumbsup: :HappyWave:




Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Sharing our experiences heightens our joy and lessens out pain.

Not letting other people know what's troubling us cause the problem to trouble us even more. "Secrets keep us stuck," say the wise ones on our journey.

Sharing what's on our mind with a friend or sponsor gives that person an opportunity to help us develop a better perspective. On the other hand, staying isolated with our worries exaggerates them.

Staying isolated with our joys isn't helpful either. It minimizes them, thus cheating us out of feeling their full thrill. We deserve joy in our lives – lots of it – because we will have our full measure of pain. Perhaps we fear others will criticize us for being braggarts if we sing forth our joy. But our real friends will sing right along with us. Our joys are deserved; they offset our trials. Telling others about both will let all our experiences count for something.

I will remain open to my friends today, sharing both my worries and my joys.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)






A phrase that was drummed into me over and over in my early recovery is: we're only as sick as our secrets. True, true. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Making prompt amends is the fresh air of each new day.
--Sandra Little

Today brings us a new hill to climb and a new view from the top. Taking time to reflect about our daily journeys is a challenging adventure in self-discovery. Looking down, we see our past trials and difficulties as lessons to learn from. Letting go of old baggage as we end our day will give us a bright window to open onto tomorrow.

Completing a daily inventory creates a good foundation for living peacefully. Honestly acknowledging the things we have done or said to hurt ourselves or others enables us to say, "I'm sorry" and to begin each day with a clean slate and a peaceful heart. As we empty ourselves of regret by making amends to ourselves and others, we make room for the love and comfort of our Higher Power.

Today help me take inventory and make amends where I need to.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



2 of the most important words in the English language: "I'm sorry" :(
I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life. In some cases, it's my choice for things to work out that way. Despite my years of recovery, I still have a lot of stubbornness and pride. Pride or self-esteem is ok when you are calling on it so as not to be walked on by people. On the other hand, pride as ego sometimes gets in the way of my success, and our success, in dealing with people.

We're human and make mistakes. The best way to learn from that is try not to make the same mistake twice. When that fails, the quickest way to mend a fence is to apologize.

You would be amazed at what a simple "I'm sorry" can do, http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif
Walls come down, ego barriers are broken, and people accept the apology and move on.

I see that a lot with fishermen. We all have egos, and a lot of us have strong personalities. There is no shame in admitting you were wrong about something and asking another's forgiveness. In fact, I think it makes you a bigger person than a person who stubbornly refuses to accept a sincere apology.

Good reading for today, we all could learn a lot from this. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

dude please pray for me, the wife has me seriously depressed today. thanks.

[DarkSkies]

Jon, if the prayers of a sinner like me will help. I'll pray for anyone. :thumbsup: I'm calling ya later when my battery re-charges, so pick up the phone if ya can. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

your prayers were effective. thanks.

[DarkSkies]

Rip plugger sent me this, thanks Roddy! :HappyWave:

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,




...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

How we treat other people comes back to us – always.

Offering others understanding and compassion changes how we perceive the world around us on a daily basis. Our acts of love inspire love from others. What we send out to the people who share our path changes, ever so subtly, the complexion of each life we touch. In fact, the whole world is changed by even the tiniest of acts.

The simple truth is, our own attitudes often determine what kind of experiences we'll have. Anger and resentment won't bring us peace. Suspicion and accusation will backfire. Most of us have tried to control all the people and all the experiences in our lives. And we have failed. Now we are realizing that the love that comes back to us is the love that we express.

I will feel love today from at least one person if I offer it to many.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


From the Beatles:
"The love you take, is equal to the love you make..."

Even 40 years ago people knew that. :cool: :thumbsup:

[stripermania]

Your're right about that. Goodness can come back to you at anytime when you least expect it.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Returning to Basics

Now and then, an AA discussion focuses on the theme of "returning to the basics." This is a good time to shake out the excessive concerns that might be cluttering up our lives.

No matter how long we've been living in sobriety, we can never afford to dismiss the basic reasons we came to AA in the first place. We had made a mess of our lives, and no human power could relieve our alcoholism. By accepting and admitting this, we were able to find a new way of life.

This was also our admission ticket to the larger society, where people are concerned about many things. We sometimes become too caught up in all these concerns, even to the extent of forgetting our own needs. It's good, occasionally, to focus a meeting on AA basics. They are as essential today as they were when we first knew that we needed them.

I'll remind myself today that the basics give me a firm foundation on which to stand.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

The basics:
Just had great call with an old friend today. My life was in shambles 25 years ago and family life had exploded. The dysfunctionality had reached its breaking point. I had just gotten clean and sober. My brother was still using, hardcore, manipulative as usual, and off the wall. He manufactured a story because he couldn't get his way, and called police to the house. Even though he was lying, under the DVA act they had to separate us. My Mom blindly sided with him, and I had to leave.

This is so effin unfair! I told myself. I'm the good son, I do all the stuff that's needed around here, why do I have to pay the price for someone else's addiction? Boy was I indignant. My family had decided to choose sides, couldn't they see they were listening to a liar? Who would come to my defense so I could prove the injustice!!

Turns out, no one did. :don't know why:

I had nowhere to go, was working in a grocery store making $120/week, not enough to get an apt. And I was still going to school, all my money went to pay for that. So I was stuck, seemingly without options.

Then I got a call from a friend. He said: "Yeah, I heard about the problems you're having over there. Don't sweat it, you're gonna come and live with me and my family. I already talked to them about it, we can give ya a room in the basement. Ya just gotta pay your share of the utility bills.

I couldn't believe my ears! Here was my lifeline, I grabbed it.

I was so grateful for that lifeline. His parents were very good to me. I will always remember that period in my life. It allowed me to get some space from my family until I could figure out a new plan.



His parents weren't there a lot. They had another small house down South they were fixing up for their retirement, so they were gone every weekend. It was the ultimate bachelor pad, a few parties and wild times. :naughty:

We lived on a budget. Once a week we went shopping. We had to make our money last. He called today and reminded me of those lean times. Most people when making broccoli chop off the floret part and part of the stalk. Rest goes in the trash. Well I didn't want to waste the stalk. I would shop it up in slices in a food processor. I then steamed/blanched the sliced stalk for about 5 mins. Then back out where I made a "stalk salad" out of it with vinegar, oil, oregano, salt, pepper, and lots of garlic! :scared:

I used to cook with so much garlic I coulda been an honorary Italian! :laugh:

Anyway, that's the story for today. He was cookin for his family today and was reminded of the lean times when we ate that broccoli stalk salad and liked it, or else! There was a time in his life when he went back into his addiction and almost died a few times. Now he's been clean and sober for a few years. The phone calls are less, but the friendship is still the same.

He said times have now come full circle. The economy is terrible, and neither of us has the income we once had. Times are lean for both of us, times are lean for everyone. We're still grateful for what we have. It could always be worse.

J, thanks for everything, ya made my day! :HappyWave:

For anyone else out there who thinks you're at the end of your rope this holiday season, I wanted to tell you there's always hope. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Hey it's great to get those calls once in a while, makes us count our blessings, doesn't it?

Merry Christmas, Rich, and God bless.

[rip316]

well said!!!!!

[jonthepain]

The holidays used to be the most miserable time for me. It was hard to find times I could sneak off by myself and pound as many as possible without getting caught by various family members, much less maintain around them while plastered.

What a difference sobriety makes. Now I actually like being around them.

[DarkSkies]

^^ And we like having ya around Jon. Your wit and personality adds to this world we live in. :HappyWave:



Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Taking the first step helps bridge the gulf between our dreams and our accomplishments.

Whether the project is cleaning the garage, building a cathedral, or recovering from an addiction, plans must be translated into action. In order to arrive at our destination, we must begin the trip. We can read hundreds of college catalogs, but it's when we register for a course, buy a textbook, and begin to study that we are on our way to a degree.

Two factors inhibit our beginning a project. The first is lack of clear motivation, and the second is fear of failure. If we don't really want to do something, it's hard to get started. So, if motivation is a problem, we may need to reconsider our choice of projects.

As for fear of failure, this may be something that we step over and around as we move forward. It is not a good reason for aborting a dream. If, in spite of fear of failure, we make a beginning, we will find that the fear shrinks with every step we take. Action is the catalyst. We learn how to do something by doing it.

I will take the first step toward accomplishing a dream today by getting started.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


This thread has meaning to me not only because it's a great bunch of advice for alcoholics to read, but also because often there are passages in here for regular people who don't have any of our addictions. I think the above reading is one of those, Good stuff. :thumbsup:

[rip316]

Good for you darkskies. Keep up the good work. I know how you feel. I have grown up with it and fight the demons everyday as well. You are definitely not alone.

[DarkSkies]

I have grown up with it and fight the demons everyday as well. You are definitely not alone.

Hey RIP, everyone is welcome in this thread. Responding doesn't mean one has a problem or not. :HappyWave: Thanks for the good words.

That being said, I'm always available via PM, e-mail, or cell phone 24/7 if someone has any issues or questions about AA/NA that they want answered in confidence. No matter how bad you think it is, I've either been through it already, or seen it. The worst mistake one can make is NOT picking up the phone because they don't think their problem is bad enough yet. Don't hesitate to get in touch. :thumbsup:

********************************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

"All too often," confesses a gal, "I get so caught up in hurry and worry that I ignore my own needs. I push myself so hard to get this and that done that I make myself physically ill before I have the sense to rest. There's got to be a better way!"

Some of us, it seems, have to learn the importance of rest and relaxation the hard way. We push ourselves to the limit, often to the point of illness or injury. Before we allow ourselves to stop.

We can avoid this vicious circle if we realize our limitations. One of those limitations is found in the law of "Supply and Demand." We cannot meet demands if we have depleted our resources. Just as a fire cannot burn without fuel, so our bodies and minds cannot function without food and rest.

Today – before I drive myself to the point of complete exhaustion, I will set aside as much time as I need to fill my depleted energies. I will get more rest, participate in an enjoyable activity, or have an inspiring conversation with a friend to renew my strength and courage.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



The highlighted part describes me sometimes. I often push myself. Over the years I have come to understand a better sense of balance. However everything is relative. Those around me would say I still push myself too much. By now, I have to accept that's part of who I am.

[DarkSkies]

Time to shake things up a bit with some humor. If you can manage to be grateful for something wherever you go, you're on the right path to recovery. Every cloud has a silver lining, right? ;)






Quote of the Day:
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.





Subject: : A Motivational Thought for the Day!!!





This little animal is called the Naked
Mole Rat and is from North Africa.



9210

So if you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself,
remember:

You could look like a penis with buck teeth. :eek: :ROFLMAO





9211

[jonthepain]

One of the harder lessons I've (sort of) learned in 28 yrs of marriage is that the wife is not necessarily looking for me to "fix" things when she comes to me with issues from her day.

Letting the rest of the family fend for themselves has been much easier.

oh, and btw, Dark, it IS all your fault :kiss:

[porgy75]

People who are constantly blaming everyone else for their failures. People who can't stand on their own 2 feet and move forward, and always seem to have an excuse from the "alcoholic's classic book of excuses". People who won't consider an objective view no matter how much discussion there is.


If you have any issues like that in family or friends, you have to learn to deal with it. Sometimes you have to concentrate on your own life and let your family fend for themselves. Take yourself out of the equation if the stress is too much. Focus on the path you're taking. Your sanity will be much better in the long-run. :learn:

I seem to have some similar problems in my family. I often find that when I look deep within myself that I am part of problem. I need to work on myself first before I pass judgement on others.

[DarkSkies]

I seem to have some similar problems in my family. I often find that when I look deep within myself that I am part of problem. I need to work on myself first before I pass judgement on others.


Right you are Porgy. Working on ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. Ranting and raving about others is infinitely easier. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

...and giving them a little slack,...

I'm glad you said that;

when I was in high school, one of the popular phrases was "hey cut me some slack."

I sure need people to cut me some slack, now more than ever. But I wonder if I'm giving slack? I don't think so. It seems like the older I get, the less slack I give. Getting old and set in my ways, or acquiring wisdom via experience, I dunno, but I definitely give less slack now than I ever did.

So even if I know better, shouldn't I just cut people some slack, even if I "know" better, through experience or whatever?

Maybe today I'll try to bite my tongue more often.

[jonthepain]

Ironically enough, a friend of mine sent this to me today:

> BURNED BISCUITS
> When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every
> now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made
> breakfast after a long, hard day at work.
> On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and
> extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see
> if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile
> at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't Remember what I
> told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and
> jelly on that biscuit and eat every bite!
> When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom
> apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what
> he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."
> Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he
> really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,
> Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she's real tired. And
> besides, a little burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!"
> Life is full of imperfect things.....and imperfect people. I'm not the
> best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just
> like everyone else. But what I've learned over the years is that
> learning to accept each others faults - and choosing to celebrate each
> others differences - is one of the most important keys to creating a
> healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
> And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the
> good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet
> of God. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be able to give
> you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn't a deal-breaker!
> We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the
> base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or
> friendship! "Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's
> pocket - keep it in your own."
> God Bless You..... Now, and Always....
> So Please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burnt one will do just
> fine.!.!.!.! And PLEASE pass this along to someone who has enriched
> your life... I just did!

jonthepain

[DarkSkies]

Hey Jon that was something I needed to see for today. I'm pretty demanding of myself.

I don't know how to turn off that intensity sometimes when I'm around others. Those words of wisdom are not only good for people struggling with alcohol or drug issues, but also people meeting the challenges of everyday life. No one's perfect, we all make mistakes. Lately I seem to be making more than my share, but I'll keep tryin. ;)

Thanks for the good words at just the right time. Even though I think you look like a reformed hippie :laugh: I love ya anyway. :HappyWave: God bless and look over you and your family.

[jonthepain]

Even though I think you look like a reformed hippie

rofl didn't know it was so obvious

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/JonBiscuit.jpg

[DarkSkies]

Hmmm, you shaved off the mutton chops and now no longer look like a member of the hippie generation, so I'll have to retract my statement! ;)











Is that you in the middle of the audience here? :D

1xRePb7VKrk


Or you coulda been the stand-in bass player for Grand Funk Railroad or Steppenwolf...

fyF5J7au1jE


d6aL19rympg

Or the drummer for CCR?

YaquPuNFNeg



:hippie: :lookhappy: :wheeeee: :HappyWave:









Now you look like your ordinary hunter with the camo gear. :scared: Shave the facial hair and we might be able to get ya a supporting role if they ever re-do Taxi Driver. :lookhappy:

(Hey ya know I was just kiddin, that's the way I usually look at the fishin shows, my camo jacket goes everywhere with me. I even get to wash it once a month. :cool: :HappyWave:)

[jonthepain]

I was going to post a reply to that post but

[jonthepain]

I was talking with a buddy of mine the other night about the "glory days." :HappyWave:

For me, the glory days include lots of crazy stories of the nutty things we used to do either when under the influence, or in pursuit of those things that put us under the influence.

Usually those stories are an example of how messed up that lifestyle is, how destructive to ourselves and those around us we were. But sometimes I get carried away during the retelling, and become almost wistful about them.

So I've become somewhat circumspect about telling those old stories. But occasionally it's good to review where we've come from, how screwed up and hopeless we were, to really appreciated the grace we've received since then.

This morning in my reading I came across the story of Lot's wife. She looked back at her old life, and it killed her. I guess what I'm worried about when I tell the old stories is becoming like Lot's wife. I don't want to look back as if those were really the "glory days," and go back to them, or worse yet, make them appear cool and ok to my kids.

[DarkSkies]

Make yourself at home.

It was night, only a few months after I'd begun my skydiving adventure. It was too cold to stay in my tent; I had rented a cabin near the drop zone. Now I'd come back to hang out for a while, before retiring for the night.

One of the skydivers I'd met recently was sitting in a lawn chair, under the tarped area between the rows of trailers that had been turned into team rooms and student training areas. The evening lights had been turned on. He was wrapped up in a sleeping bag, reading a book under the hazy glow. He was one of the full-time skydivers, who had been attracted to the gypsy lifestyle of the skydiving community as much as the sport itself.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm in my living room, reading a book," he replied. "Do you like the view of the backyard?" he asked, making a gesture toward the rolling hills that cascaded gently in the background. "That's my patio," he said, pointing to a small area just around the corner. "The morning sun hits there. It's a warm place to sit and eat breakfast. Sometimes I sleep in that tent," he said, pointing off to the side." And sometimes I take my sleeping bag and curl up under the stars in the landing area, over there."

I looked around, almost envious of his freedom.

Sometimes, we get so busy and involved creating a "home" for ourselves that we create a structure that's too safe, limiting, and confined. We forget about our real home, the planet earth. It's good to sleep indoors. It's nice to make ourselves comfortable in our home. But don't let your cozy nest become a locked, confining box.

Stretch your arms, Push the lid off the box. Get out into the world. Walk around. Move about. See the hills, the lakes, the forests, the mountains peaks, the valleys, the rivers.

See how big your world can be. See how connected everything is. See how connected you are, too – to all that is. Make yourself comfortable, wherever you are. Make yourself a home and be at home in the world.

God, help me relax and make myself at home in your bountiful world.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


Amen to that! :fishing:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Letting go is a decision.

The obsession to pressure other people to see things our way keeps us agitated. In contrast, the wisdom to understand that every person's view has validity, at least for that person, is a gift we receive from working the Twelve Steps. Our daily assignment, then, is to be patient and listen so that we may learn this lesson from women and men who have walked this path already, women and men who have come to understand that letting go of others and their addictions promises relief from the obsession that troubles each of us.

Look around. All of us have tried to force solutions that didn't fit. And we drove ourselves crazy trying to control the behavior of others, certain that "doing it our way" was not only reasonable, but right. Our past sometimes may appear to be a series of failures. But our present experience can be peaceful, hopeful, and successful. It's our decision to let go. A small decision that we can make many times today, every day.

"Let go" are tiny words with huge rewards. If I want to, I can give up my attempts to control someone today. Peace will be my reward.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


There's always another way of looking at something other than our own perspective. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
--Confucius

Some of us were raised to decline generosity - to argue over who pays the restaurant bill, not to accept money for helping someone out, not to accept food or drink at someone's home. Some of these beliefs have strong cultural ties. Others are just a fear of imposing. We don't want to be a bother.

Generosity is a two-way street. It's just as important for someone to be generous as it is to accept the offerings. Most of us like to be generous. When we're being genuine, from the heart, with no strings attached, being generous makes us feel good – it makes us feel great. We have no reason to deny others that feeling (unless, of course, these are strings attached). In fact, our own generosity is probably just coming back to us.

Today I will allow others the opportunity to be generous.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

Amen.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Example is the lesson that all men can read.
-- Gilbert West

Patterning our lives after others is familiar. Maybe as kids we emulated "toughies" or the teacher's pet. As we grew, the criteria changed, but we sought role models, nonetheless. The career we chose and the family relationships we developed may have been inspired by the example of another. Today may be no different. Seeing our friends and acquaintances pursue paths unlike our own gives us ideas to explore. How lucky we are that teaching is never done and learning is merely a decision.

The only thing that has actually changed is our age. The opportunities for growth continue to flow. Our purpose for being here remains the same. Our responsibility to ourselves never abates. It's comforting to count on these things. It makes our choices simpler.

There's always the right step to take, the right response to make, the right attitude to foster. But if ever we're in doubt, the impulse to forgive and to love will never be wrong.

My action today may be an important example for a friend. I pray to choose my steps and words wisely.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Being true

We believe we can become beautiful people, free of addiction. With belief in a Power greater than ourselves, our Twelve Step program, and the fellowship, we don't have to stay where we were. Our purpose in life is to stay sober and clean.

Our Higher Power knows our true purpose in life and will help us. Our Higher Power knows what we are capable of becoming, although others may misjudge us.

Am I staying true to my purpose?

I pray that I may see the good within me and remain true to my purpose.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)





Keep it simple. Amen.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Anger is almost always masking fear.

The anger of others, whether friends, family members, or strangers, can be extremely intimidating. Depending on our own state of mind in the moment the anger erupts, we can become afraid, assume responsibility for it, try to mollify the one expressing it, stand up to it and express anger ourselves, or quietly withdraw to safer territory. All of these are common responses, but none of them is the most beneficial way to respond to whoever is angry. Certainly, none of those responses take full advantage of the opportunity before us if we understand it for what it actually is.

Anger often signifies fear, frequently intense fear, which is generally misunderstood by the person expressing it and just as often misinterpreted by the observer of it. But once we learn that anger is usually fear in disguise, we start to see some of the dynamics of our interactions and relationships, past and present – within our families, in our marriages, with friends and colleagues at work – in a new light.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



I wanted to add here that for those of us who have dysfunctional families, anger can sometimes be justified.

I have an Aunt who's very candid and outspoken. One of her favorite sayings is: "You can pick your friends, but not your family. Sometimes it's OK to walk away from your family members and continue your life without them. It's much healthier that way."

When you have tried everything else, and are still confronted with greed, selfishness, immaturity, manipulative behavior, and self-centeredness, it's OK to walk away from a dysfunctional family.

She's right, we aren't obligated to continue these relationships. Some people think only of themselves. Once that pattern is established, it's very difficult for them to change. Rather than being angry with that, it's OK to walk away. In fact, it could save your life and your sanity. :learn:

[jonthepain]

yup

[DarkSkies]

Where is God?

AA members have always had a difficult time explaining the "God business." We didn't want to be considered religious, but at the same time we've always believed some contact with a Higher Power is necessary for real personal growth.

There's nothing wrong – for our purposes – in simply visualizing God as a Higher Power that has always been within us and around us. "Before they call, I will answer," goes an old saying, and that was true even in our darkest days. Many of us can look back to realize that a certain force was moving us toward recovery long before we knew we needed any recovery. Many of us also believe that a Higher Power helped bring AA into being and move it along to become a worldwide force for good.

But God works in ways that can seem to come from chance or coincidence. Quite often, we'll find that little events had far-reaching results in our lives. When we review how such things happened, we should not conclude that this happens only to certain "special" people. All human beings are part of God's creation and can avail themselves of guidance and direction. The more serious problem is that guidance and direction are sometimes ignored or rejected.

I'll go about my affairs today with the knowledge that my Higher Power is making the important decisions in my life. I'll come out about where God wants me to be.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


I don't like to preach about God because there are enough people in my family that do that and live lives opposite to what they preach.

Your relationship with God is subject to your interpretation. However, there are are so many little things that happen to us as we move through life, that it's hard to deny God's existence. I know some who don't believe, that's their perogative. I know for me, God has been there in my darkest hours. That's what works for me. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

live lives opposite to what they preach.


yah, me too. who doesn't?

at least i try not to. mosttimes.

I wouldn't get too hung up on that.

[DarkSkies]

yah, me too. who doesn't?

at least i try not to. mosttimes.

I wouldn't get too hung up on that.

Ever considered a career in politics? ;) :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

When a, man leaves off believing in imaginary property, then only will he make use of his true property.
--Leo Tolstoy

The original meaning of property is "belonging to the self." In this sense, land, houses, money, paintings, jewels, cars cannot be our property; they are all things, and we enjoy using them, but they have nothing to do with our selves.

What then is our true property? It's our moral and spiritual qualities; our capacity for love, our commitment to honesty. These are what make a difference in who we are. The difference between a lie and the truth is vastly greater than the difference between a bicycle and a Mercedes. When we appreciate this distinction, we can begin to develop our spiritual selves.

We all know that things can't make us happy; only a loving heart and a clear conscience can do that. Yet often we act as though the piling up of things was important in itself. A little reflection can restore our balance and return our imaginary property to its true place in our lives.

True property is what nothing can take away from me.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


When you leave this world, you leave with only the body God gave you and hopefully the good experiences and memories you left behind.

[jonthepain]

^^^
I've never seen a Hearse pulling a U-Haul...

[DarkSkies]

^^^
I've never seen a Hearse pulling a U-Haul...

Amen to that bro! :thumbsup:





Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The Four "A's"

Dear God, I have learned to live within my limitations and to live up to my capacities as I grow in recovery. As I try to practice the principles of our Program, I will accept the truth that I seek progress and not spiritual perfection. I pray to admit my limitations and remind myself I am only human. I have quit trying to play God.
When I take my inventory and remember the Four "A's" - Acceptance, Awareness, Action, and Attitude – I continue learning to live within my limitations and to live up to my capabilities.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


Amen. :lookhappy:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.
--Robert Louis Stevenson

Addiction destroyed many of our relationships. It took away our ability to get close to others. The above quotation reminds us that real friends are more important than the people we hung around with while using alcohol or drugs.

Recovery is all about bettering our relationships. Our lives depend upon this. We find honest friends in recovery. We are not alone anymore. We are honest with each other about character defects and work to help each other have better, ever-closer relationships. Our lives also depend upon this. We work to help each other find a way out of the wilderness or at times just survive in the wilderness. Over time, we see that, even though people can be a pain at times, friendships and relationships are the best things in life.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, teach me how to be a good, honest friend. Comfort me as I travel in the wilderness of life.

Today’s Action

Today I will think about what makes a good friend. Then I will do an honest inventory of what type of friend I am. Am I there for others in the bad times as well as the good times?

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)




I think that I am. People know that they can call me at 3am with a problem, and I'll give advice or help any way I can. I know what it's like to be deep in the midst of an issue with no clear path out of it. So today I make that offer again. If there is anyone at anytime who has a serious issue with alcohol or drugs and you can't figure a way out of it, pick up the phone and call. I'll do my best to help. :thumbsup:

I wanted to put up a song today in honor of Ernie...

e7HPqi5uVeo

[DarkSkies]

Time to kick this thread up a bit, this is what I'm feelin today...

Black Sabbath :viking: :headbang:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4wBPbpSsiY


H4wBPbpSsiY


"Hard Road"

Old men crying, young men dying
World still turns as Father Time looks on
On and on
Children playing, dreamers praying
Laughter turns to tear as love has gone
Has it gone?

Oh, it's a hard road
Oh, it's a hard road

Whirlwind churning, lovers learning
On this path of life we can't back down
Is it wrong?
Widows weeping, babies sleeping
Life becomes the singer and the song
Sing along

Oh, it's a hard road
Carry your own load

Why make the hard road?
Why can't we be friends?
No need to hurry
We'll meet in the end

Why make the hard road?
Why can't we be friends?
No need to worry
Let's sing it again

Brother's sharing, mother's caring
Nightime falling victim to the dawn
Shadows small
Days are crawling, time is calling
To the Earth another life is gone
Love line drawn

Oh, it's a hard road
Carry your own load
Oh, it's a hard road
Oh, it's a hard road...

Forget all your sorrow, don't live in the past
And look to the future, `cause life goes too fast, you know
Forget all your sorrow, don't live in the past
And look to the future, `cause life goes too fast, you know
Forget all your sorrow, don't live in the past
And look to the future, `cause life goes too fast, you know...

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Men and women come into this program defeated by their affliction, often given up by doctors and others as hopeless. They admit that they are helpless to conquer their affliction. When I see these people acquire serenity and stay rational over a period of months and years, I know that this program works. The changes I see in people who come into the program not only convinces me that it works but also convinces me that there must be a Power greater than ourselves that helps us change. Am I convinced that a Higher Power can help me to change and remain so?

MEDITATION FOR THE DAY

Cooperation with God is the great necessity for our lives. All else follows naturally. Guidance is bound to come to us as we live more and more with God, and as our consciousness becomes more attuned to the way of the universe. We must have many quiet times when we acknowledge our need to be led and feel God's presence. New spiritual growth comes naturally from cooperation with God.

PRAYER FOR THE DAY

I pray that God may supply me with strength and show me the direction in which I am to grow. I pray that these things may come naturally from my cooperation with my higher power.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



There is no growth without the willingness to change. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

As I said, time to kick this up a bit. :lookhappy:

zF6kjVaelTE

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Action carries us in the direction we choose.

Recovery involves doing - going to meetings working our program, reaching out to others. We don't get a job by sitting at home thinking about it, and we don't get a degree by looking at college catalogs.

It's true that we need to reflect; we need quiet times when we pray for guidance. There comes a point, however, when action is called for, when we use the power we are given to carry out our Higher Power's will for our lives to the best of our understanding.

One action leads to another. Doing what we need to do to be abstinent today adds twenty-four hours to recovery.

Today, I will act on my best understanding of my Higher Power's will or me.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



Amen,

[DarkSkies]

A little Biohazard for today

k-Qw0Y_w6n4

[DarkSkies]

Johnny Cash in Denmark

SY9wsCywWHU


Folsom

N5Ts4M3irWM

[DarkSkies]

Pantera, RIP Dimebag. :(

0hzX88bzlnQ

[jonthepain]

Lookin' back to a better day, feelin' old and in the way.

They use to heed the words he said, but that was yesterday.

rYETHsxAv8c

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Sometimes I feel sad or depressed and think I'm doing something wrong. With all the work I'm doing to change my life, shouldn't I feel happy all the time?

No. Sadness is just as much a part of life as happiness. Just as all the seasons are part of nature, all my feelings are part of me. Would I awaken on a rainy day and refuse to let it rain? Would I claim that I'm going to do everything I can to stop the rain? No. When it rains, it rains.

I accept the fact that there are times when I feel sad. I will let it be a part of being human.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)




Into every life a little rain must fall....



rmc-eg78gTs

[DarkSkies]

Lookin' back to a better day, feelin' old and in the way.

They use to heed the words he said, but that was yesterday.

rYETHsxAv8c

Cool, I never heard of the Old & in the way crew. :thumbsup:
I got some more hippie music for ya, man! ;) :HappyWave:

Spectrum 86 & some parking lot scenes. Important question...Did ya ever hang out with the hippie chicks who didn't shave under their arms? :laugh:
ilVgItj0QWE

6PL5c9RedUQ

[DarkSkies]

Recognize these guys, Jon? :HappyWave:

KMEl5RGnfEc

[DarkSkies]

Skynyrd. I was looking for something with the original members before the crash in '77. Most of the youtube stuff is recent. The quality ain't the best here, but it's the real deal...

Ek5Rp5Dd8TA

[jonthepain]

hey! sorry i missed your call. crazy weekend. blown head gasket, 2 inches of water in the basement again.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/2-7-2010018.jpg

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/2-7-2010024.jpg

[DarkSkies]

hey! sorry i missed your call. crazy weekend. blown head gasket, 2 inches of water in the basement again.





Jon so sorry to hear that, I'm gonna try to call you today.

[jonthepain]

got your message; left you one.

tag! you're it.

[DarkSkies]

"I'd rather feel like **** than be full of ****!"
Classic Suicidal line...:kicknuts:

CrctcJqfpXU

[jonthepain]

For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower thereof falls away: But the word of the Lord endures for ever. Pete 1: 24,25

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Snowman5.jpg

Whereas ye know not what [shall be] on the morrow. For what [is] your life? It is even a vapor, that appeares for a little time, and then vanishes away. Jam 4:14

[DarkSkies]

For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower thereof falls away: But the word of the Lord endures for ever. Pete 1: 24,25

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Snowman5.jpg

Whereas ye know not what [shall be] on the morrow. For what [is] your life? It is even a vapor, that appeares for a little time, and then vanishes away. Jam 4:14


Jon, I might have to start calling you Jon the Baptist. You always manage to come up with something that's on point with the topic or something I mentioned. Yet, your religious references are less like preaching, and more like teaching. Thanks. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

You always manage to come up with something that's on point with the topic or something I mentioned.

purely unintentional.

must be a God thing.

btw that's "Benny." my daughter and her friend made it friday night. took the photo sun am; it totally represented how i felt that day.

[DarkSkies]

btw that's "Benny." my daughter and her friend made it friday night. took the photo sun am; it totally represented how i felt that day.


Sorry to hear that, man. Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant. ;)
I've been feeling like that too lately. It will get better, one day at a time. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant.
rofl yeah aint that the truth

[jonthepain]

howz about "whatever we fish for..." lol

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by JimmyZ, thanks! :HappyWave:


Psalm 55:22 ---
'Friends are God's way of taking care of us.'

This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and sputter and die - I barely managed to coast into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over... Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the quickie mart building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay.

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her.. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95..

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying "I don't want my kids to see me crying!", so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, "And you were praying?" That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, "He heard you, and He sent me."

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little.

She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City. Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan. 1, and finally, in desperation, had called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there.
I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, "So, are you like an angel or something?"

This definitely made me cry. I said, "Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people."

It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong.

Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings...




Psalms 55:22 ' Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.'

Here is the prayer:

'Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit this very moment.. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus' precious name. Amen.'

[DarkSkies]

Some Sunday tunes :cool:

OrljWGIHB7c

[hookedonbass]

Most sharing is not of material things but a sharing of our spirit, our forgiveness, and our respect for others.






These are very difficult words to live by. Life is not about what other people have, or what should have been yours. Life is about sharing our spirit. It is about having respect for others whether or not they have respect for you. It is about forgiveness. We can not be truly happy unless we accomplish these things in our life. Do not worry about what other people have because if they are self centered than when they enter the kingdom and meet God he will take care of them.

Live your life as you were ment to live it, be giving, caring and learn to forgive in your heart. In the end you will be a much happier person for doing so.

[DarkSkies]

Live your life as you were ment to live it, be giving, caring and learn to forgive in your heart. In the end you will be a much happier person for doing so.

Thanks for sharing that perspective, Hookedonbass. :thumbsup:

[rip316]

I was talking to my brother in law about this the other day. How amazing we all feel when we GET AWAY from life itself. It's almost as if life is a chore and getting away from it is what we all need to do from time to time. Whatever it is we like to do we should go do it. Have to have some fun every now and again. Like Curly from city slickers said something about getting the knots out of your rope.

[jonthepain]

...it's difficult for me to accept the generosity of others.

yeah i hear that. i hate having people help me. drives me nuts.

i mean, i appreciate the thought and everything, but i guess cuz i've been on my own and broke and struggling for the last 35 years, it's kind of ingrained in me to do it myself.

seems like i learn something new here every day.

[jonthepain]

got a call from mom friday afternoon. she told me that my stepfather (a very fragile 89 yr old WWII B-17 vet,) fell headfirst down 4 stairs and landed on his head on a concrete landing. out cold, is in surgery, for a subdural hematoma. they do not expect him to make it. could i leave for the hosp right away? of course; around a 2 hr drive.

she's a tough little (barely 5 ft tall) old (90) lady, but she said she was never so happy to see somebody in her life as when i walked into the hospital.

they were able to remove the blood clot, but there's still some pressure...he regained consciousness last night, and they took a CAT scan this am. waiting to hear the results.

if you could, say a prayer for my mom (Betsy) and stepdad (Bob.)

thanks,
jonthepain

[rip316]

Hope that he makes a quick recovery Jon. My wife always says that when things aren't going to well that we have no luck. I always say to her that at least we don't have the need for handicapped railings and ramps for our children. I do consider myself lucky that my kids aren't going through some trying times like a disease or being born with only one leg. Very lucky I am.

[jonthepain]

my oldest daughter was born with Edwards Syndrome, it's like Down's Syndrome but infinitely worse. She didn't live very long.

Got the word last night that Bob has extensive brain damage and recovery, if you can call it that, and if he makes it, will be an extremely long process.

It's just life. Luckily I know where I'm going when it's over. :thumbsup:

Thanks for the call last night Rich, I appreciate it. I was in bed at the time tho. I'll give you a ring around lunch time.

Thanks for all your prayers.
jonthepain

[DarkSkies]

my oldest daughter was born with Edwards Syndrome, it's like Down's Syndrome but infinitely worse. She didn't live very long.

Got the word last night that Bob has extensive brain damage and recovery, if you can call it that, and if he makes it, will be an extremely long process.

It's just life. Luckily I know where I'm going when it's over. :thumbsup:

Thanks for the call last night Rich, I appreciate it. I was in bed at the time tho. I'll give you a ring around lunch time.

Thanks for all your prayers.
jonthepain

Jon, some of the guys I know in AA who have the inner faith you do amaze me. You, JimmyZ, and others have a sense of security and belief in your hearts and minds that I've been struggling for years to find.

Yes I believe in God, but my belief falters at times. I'm much more cynical than you are. I admire and respect your sense of faith and what it does for you in this world.

I can't make things for Bob any better. The way you described that fall it's a miracle he wasn't killed instantly. I pray your faith will help you get through this difficult ordeal.

Pebbles and I are praying for his recovery. We pray and hope for the best for Betty and Bob during which I know must be a very difficult time for you and your family as well.

You're a good son, and I'm glad to hear you could be there for them. Call anytime, even if it's 3am and you want to talk, Jon.

[jonthepain]

Thanks Rich. Latest news is, he has extensive brain damage. He doesn't recognize Mom or his son Cliff, and can't move his left side. But they did take him off the ventilator, which is good.

Last night at the girls prison, it was amazing how grateful the girls were for what the Lord has done in their lives. Lots of tears, which is extremely unusual for them. These girls are 15, and a couple of them have 2 yr old kids.

Lord, thank you that I'm not in prison, or didn't just wake up strapped to a hospital bed, not knowing where I am or who anybody is.

[DarkSkies]

Lord, thank you that I'm not in prison, or didn't just wake up strapped to a hospital bed, not knowing where I am or who anybody is.


Amen to that Jon. Pebbles and I will keep praying. Your Mom is fortunate that she has you and Cliff to lean on during this difficult time.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:
The first skill needed for the Inner Game is called "letting it happen." This means gradually building a trust in the innate ability of your body to learn and to perform.
--W. Timothy Gallwey
A strange and intriguing mystery confronts us in the Twelve Steps. We are mending our ways; we are becoming accountable; we are striving to do what is right, yet we are learning to let go. This seems like a contradiction of logic, but it leads us to a spiritual awakening.

We are becoming like the accomplished tennis player who has practiced diligently to develop every detail of his skill. Yet when he is playing the game, he cannot focus on control. He must get his ego out of the way and let himself go. It is in letting go that he rises to his highest level of fulfillment. Today we will do what we must. We can make the choices we are faced with. Then we allow ourselves to be carried along by our Higher Power to complete and fulfill the process.

I will look for opportunities to let it happen today.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


Jon it was good talkin to ya yesterday, hope I didn't interfere with you getting your work done. Pebbles and I are still praying for you and your Mom.

[jonthepain]

Thanks for calling, Rich. Yeah I was getting a little anxious about getting that job done on time.

I'll let ya know how Bob is doing when there's any news.

see ya
jc

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Hope is the thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all.
--Emily Dickinson
We often hum and sing to ourselves because it makes us feel content. It is the melody itself that makes us feel good--words and thoughts do not matter.

Having hope for ourselves and for our universe is like having a melody always moving inside us. The melody may be calm or exciting, but most of all it brings with it beauty and a sense of peace. Hope can overcome the need for words and thoughts and promises. Hope is the melody that keeps us going, the hum that continues even when there are no words to the song. Hope is not a melody we think about--it must come when we believe in the goodness of our world. If we have faith in a power greater than ourselves, we will be able to find the melody of hope inside us at all times.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by Surfstix, thanks!



A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling



Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging OUT of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy ****! My girlfriend's gone, too!!

[DarkSkies]

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.
-- Flora Whittemore
We often hear the phrase, "When one door shuts, another opens." It means everything has a beginning and an end. When our travels on one path are completed, another path lies ahead.

It's not easy to feel a door close. Relationships, friendships, careers, and lives end. Although we may not understand why a door closes, it's important to remember our Higher Power has everything to do with it. By the same token, we may not understand why certain doors open, revealing opportunities we may have longed for. Again, our Higher Power feels we are ready to pursue that new experience.

The doors that open and close today help prepare us for our experiences tonight. The doors that open and close tonight will help us grow toward tomorrow. We are not mice in a maze, randomly pursuing paths for a reward of cheese. We are children of our Higher Power, guided towards our chosen goal through the many doors we open and close along the way.
Have I learned there is a reason for everything in my life? Can I trust that my path has been prepared for me by my Higher Power?



todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



Times are tight, people are experienceing lots of stress. Hang in there people, it will get better, one day at a time. :thumbsup:

[rip316]

Great joke. Keep your head up guys. That's all I do. Keep my head up as high as I can every single day.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

When you do something you are proud of, dwell on it a little, praise yourself for it.
--Mildred Newman Each one of us is very good at something. Maybe it's baseball or tennis where we display talent. Maybe we're good in math or at giving reports. A few people are talented at being good listeners or helpful friends. To recognize our own talents we may need help from others. It's always so much easier to see our faults, or the ways we don't meet our own expectations.
But the fact is, we are all skilled in many areas of our lives. To accept praise -- better yet, to quietly give it to ourselves -- is a sign of healthy growth.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

[DarkSkies]

Life sucks, the economy is in the toilet, these are truly bad times we're living in. When you think it's not worth going on anymore, read this.

(Sent in by Finchaser, thanks!)



A Blind Girl



There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.






She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always
there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see
the world, I will marry you.'



One day,
someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages
came off, she was able to see everything, including her
boyfriend.

He asked
her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The
girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The
sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected
that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life
led her to refuse to marry him.

Her
boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her
saying: 'Take good care

of your eyes, my dear, for before
they were yours, they were mine.'

This is
how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who
was always by their side in the most painful situations.


Life Is a
Gift
Today
before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't
speak.
Before
you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone
who has nothing to eat.

Before
you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
Today
before you complain about life - Think of someone who went
too early to heaven.
Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.
And when
you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.
And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still
around.

[DarkSkies]

Slipping

A common rationalization about not making the program goes like this: "Harry over there slipped ten times before he made it. So what if I slip a few times?"

What is overlooked is that the last time Jack slipped, he slipped into a coffin; the last time Bob slipped, his baby son burned to death in a crib because of Bob's negligence, the last time Ann slipped, she got strychnine poisoning and became blind; and the last time Jim slipped, he tried to kill his wife and nearly did.

We're not playing games here. This is a matter of life and death.

Have I stopped slipping?

Higher Power, let me know that it is not only my life but the lives of others that I endanger by playing loaded games.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



It's hard to underrstand the concept of slipping unless you're a recovering alcoholic or addict. There are many people who have said to me...Hey Rich, you've been sober over 20 years, you're cured, you don't have to worry about that anymore, or going to meetings, etc.

I understand where they're coming from when they say that. They might not know what it's like. I no longer have the compulsions to drink or get high. I don't dream or think about that stuff much because I know it won't put me on the path where I need to be.

But it is so easy to slip. And most people won't even know they're in danger.




I'll talk about a few personal experiences, maybe to help people understand it better...

1. Sticking your nose in the pot bag:
In the early years of my sobriety I still hung around with a lot of people who got high or drank heavily.

One of my best fishin buddies was Eddie. He was a union carpenter, very responsible on the job, good skill set and a reliable employee for those he worked for.

Yet on his days off he smoked pot like a chimney. Since we were such good fishin buddies, I wasn't willing to cut all the people who drank or got high out of my life.

We would go fishin at least once a month. We had some reservoirs in North Jersey we used to sneak in as well. We had some great times fishin together.

Eddie liked his pot. At 4:30 am in the morning we would set out on the water for some great LMB fishin. :fishing: He'd spark a joint, get high as a kite, and still outfish me.
At noon, another joint, at 4pm when we were leaving for the day, another one. He lived a perfectly normal, functional life despite being a heavy pot smoker. :bong2:

He wasn't the one with the problem... I was.

Why was that?

Because every time I was around someone who had pot, even though I wasn't smoking it, I insisted on sticking my nose in the bag. I involved myself in the aroma of the pot because it brought back memories.:drool: I was so arrogant in my belief that it wouldn't hurt me. There was also some ego involved. Because I was so deep into the subculture in my active addiction, I bought and smoked pot from all over. I prided myself on being able to tell just by looking at the buds, and with a few sniffs, where that pot came from.


After awhile, I had to look at that behavior. I had to realize that by sticking my nose in the bag, and rolling the buds in my fingers, I was, in effect, "slipping".

Did I get high over it, No.
Was it a risky position for me to put myself in?
Absolutely. :beatin:

I think as we move along in our sobriety, we hopefully realize that putting ourselves in risky positions is not the pattern of new growth and recovery we want in our lives. :learn:







2. Slipping after convincing ourselves that we're "cured":
I've told this story here before, maybe it's time to tell it again. There were a bunch of guys I went to HS with who had alcohol and drug problems. When I first started going to meetings, I ran into Frankie at one meeting, and his friend Joe. :HappyWave:

I was amazed to see them there. I remember saying, "Wow you guys were pretty hardcore partiers, I never thought I would see you end up in these rooms of Recovery."

Their response to me was: "Man we thought YOU were WORSE! :eek:
We thought you would have been dead by now, glad to see you stopping by."

That was one of the moments in life when you're forced to look at yourself and your behavior. I really didn't think I was that bad. There were guys I knew who were in way over their heads, surely that wasnt me? :huh:

I had to realize through the feedback of others that I was just as hopeless as the bowery bum living on the street when I came in. I gradually came to realize I needed new role models to look up to, and wanted to be on the path to recovery. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So Frankie and Joe become some of the role models I looked up to. :thumbsup: They were the cool guys in the program. With the $$ they were saving from not drinking or doing drugs, they had "juice" in the world.

Before, they had been derelicts, like me. Now, they had friends in the program, they had money to go places and meet people, they were scoring chicks left and right (ALWAYS an important thing when you're 20 ;)), and they had a lot of people looking up to them.

So I looked up to them. I wanted the sobriety they had, and I worked hard at it learning to work my program.

Then, a few years later, I lost touch with them for awhile.

I picked Frankie up hitch-hiking one day. It was apparent to me he was getting high again. I gave him my number and told to call me, we would hit a meeting.

Unfortunately, that call never came. Frankie died about 6 months later. An AA mentor of mine tried to get him into a rehab because Frankie had hit bottom. Unfortunately, Frankie smuggled drugs into the bathroom as he was being admitted into rehab. He OD'd in the bathroom. He couldn't be revived, and died before he got his 2nd chance at recovery. :(

Joe is still around and a lifelong friend. :HappyWave:

Frankie had been dead for years now.
5years of sobriety, respected in the community, a truly great guy, and he took his last breath at 25 years old, all because of a refusal to accept that a slip is a slip.






I tell these stories not to dramatize what I did or where I came from. A good friend of mine here keeps me in check when I do that, :HappyWave: For his words I'm grateful. There is no glamor in alcohol or drug lifestyles. There are some great times, yes. But looking at it objectively, it's not a path of progress in one's life if it's accompanied by abuse.


For those of us who have the tendency to abuse too much of a good thing. don't kid yourself and think you have guaranteed recovery from a slip. :don't know why: You may get lucky, maybe not. If you feel your behavior or attitude is slipping, the time to act on it is right then, not after you crashed and burned.

Pick up the phone, call your sponsor, get to a meeting.

I'm fortunate enough today to let the mistakes of others help keep my memory green. I don't want to make those mistakes. I hope these stories can possibly help someone else out there who is on the fence and has doubts about who they are. If you see yourself in any of the above paragraphs, get to a meeting. Or PM or e-mail me, I'm available 24/7 for people in serious trouble. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

yup

[DarkSkies]

I tell these stories not to dramatize what I did or where I came from. A good friend of mine here keeps me in check when I do that, :HappyWave: For his words I'm grateful.



yup


Yup, I'm grateful, even when he doles them out one at a time...;) :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:
An intimate truth is also a universal truth.
--John Cournos
Truth is often associated primarily with the larger issues and set alongside such ideals as Justice, Freedom, and Democracy. We like the grand words - and properly so on the grand occasions.
But let's remember, too, that truth between us and someone we are close to is also of supreme value. An endearment, a tender emotion shared, an admission, an apology, a vow, an act of forgiveness - all these take on the meaning of truth in an intimate context. And that, for all of us, is a context that matters.
How we are with one another on the level of feeling and trust is of vital importance. In building a meaningful relationship, we are implicitly making a statement about what the world can be - one built on courage, tolerance, affection, honesty, and love. Such truths as these will ring out clearly until the end of time.
I am uncovering many truths in my life that are connected to my relationships with other people.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


It can be a good way to view sobriety in this context. Many choose God as their higher Power. I believe, but don't think it's fair to force others to have the same beliefs. For people who don't believe, there are many things that can bring you to sobriety. The people you surround yourself with can be a great influence. Good relationships are one of the keys to good sobriety. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

There are important steps I need to take if I want new relationships to last.

I need to allow a new relationship to grow in a healthy way by giving it the time it needs. When I go too fast in a relationship, necessary stages are overlooked, and I might find myself in a relationship destined to fail. When trees are planted and their roots aren't given enough time to grow deeply into the soil, they're sure to fall during a storm. When the roots are given time to grow slowly, strongly, and deeply, they will most likely weather any storm.

Relationships can be similar, because when they're taken too quickly, they're likely to fail at the first sign of difficulty. But if given the time to grow, they will withstand the winds of turmoil and crisis. If I meet someone I want to be with, I can care for our relationship by not going too fast. I will remind myself that a tree needs tender care and nurturing to grow and flourish, not fertilizers and chemicals that force it to grow faster.

Today I will take care of my new relationship by understanding what it takes to make it strong and lasting.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



All relationships in life need a natural time to grow, It can't be forced. We as addicts and alcoholics are impatient people sometimes, and need to accept that. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Nothing is more difficult than competing with a myth.
--Francoise Giroud

Sometimes we think we need to try and be something we're not. Maybe we feel pressure from friends to behave or dress like someone else.

All we need to do is remember when we were younger and dressed in our parents' clothes and shoes. We pretended to be grownups, and it was fun for a while. Then the huge shoes on our feet grew clumsy and uncomfortable and the mountain of rolled-up sleeves kept falling down and getting in the way. Soon we grew tired of the game and stopped pretending.

Today when we start feeling the pressure to be someone else, let's remember how hard it is to play a role that doesn't fit us.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


I've been shooting a lot of video lately. One of the key reservations people have is the worry about how they look. They feel they need to look better when the eyes of others are on them. There's nothing wrong with that, I feel that way sometimes too. When I get into something and finish it. I try to analyze how I could have done it better.

Sometimes we need to let feelings like this go. Sometimes if we give it our best, that's good enough. For example, I used to be real self conscious in front of people and speaking in public. I like my solitude, even when among crowds.

I had to get over those negative feelings to be able to go to the fisheries management meetings and when learning to promote awareness for fishermen issues.

There are many things about me I wish I could change when in the public eye.

I wish I had a better sounding voice.
I wish I wasn't so hyper. :eek:

I wish I didn't look like the twisted version of DeNiro in Taxi Driver. I wish the great looks I had when I was 18 were still apparent. ;) :laugh:

If I let any of the above reservations get to me, I wouldn't be out there interviewing people. When I think about it, even though I'm highly critical of myself, I have a great time whenever I go out there.

I just try to be myself, warts and all. :rolleyes:

So to those who are self-conscious, I would say to them:

"Don't worry about being someone you're not.
Just worry about being yourself, and learn to be happy with it.
Work on that, and the rest will fall into place. " :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

On any journey, we must find out where we are before we can plan the first step.
--Kathy Boevink

Our lives in all aspects are a journey toward a destination, one fitting to our purpose, our special gifts, and our particular needs. Each day contributes to our journey, carrying us closer to our destination. However, we often take a circuitous route. We get stranded or waylaid by our selfish desires, by the intrusion of our controlling ego.

We can reflect on the progress we've made toward our destination, the steps we've taken that have unknowingly contributed to our journey. Our easiest steps have been the ones we took in partnership with God. It's in God's mind that our path is well marked.

We are just where we need to be today. The experiences that we meet are like points on the map of our journey. Some of them are rest stops. Others resemble high-speed straight-aways. The journey to our destination is not always smooth, but the more we let God sit in the driver's seat, the easier will be our ride.

I will plan my journey today with God's help, and my ride will be smooth.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


Amen!

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Say when it's time to do that difficult thing.

Sometimes, true windows of opportunity open in our lives. We get a chance to make that amend. The perfect time to end or resolve that relationship arises. It's like a gift from God when that window opens up. All we need to do is gently step through. But sometimes, we need to help God open the window - especially when we're working up the courage to do a difficult thing.

Maybe we're waiting for just the right moment to end a relationship. Maybe we're looking for an opportunity to make an amend, tell someone we're sorry about something we've done that's caused that person pain. Maybe we have a new project we'd like to begin. Sometimes, we can passively wait, and wait, and that window just seems painted shut and stuck.

Ask God to help open the window, but do your part, too. Make a decision that you're going to do it - whatever it is. Then let go, but not too long. Remember your decision. Remember your commitment to opening that window. Don't force it, but focus your attention. You may begin to feel the slightest crack in the energy, that opening you need. Or you may have to wiggle the window frame, push on it just the slightest bit, to crack it open yourself. Then you'll see it. You'll feel it move. There. It's open.

Help God open that window in your life by deciding to do it.

God, help me remember that the time doesn't always feel right. Help me honor my deepest urges to do what I must to take care of myself.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


I like the message above because it fits in with my concept of God...

"God helps those who help themselves." :thumbsup:

It's tough to talk about religion in the abstract. We can try, but it's something that has a different meaning to different people. The choice of whether to believe in an other world force such as God is a personal one, and personal choices should be respected.

So for the most part, I tend to shy away from discussions where I'm telling you about my type of religion or belief in God. There are some people who don't believe in God, and I have to try to respect that as well.

However, I can say that the words above fit me, and my concept of God. I have stopped thinking of God as an omniscient being who fixes all problems in life. For me, that concept never worked out. Instead, I choose to think of God as an influence who is around, and available to kind of watch over people, who are doing things for themselves and following plans they have laid out for themselves.

Anyway, that's what works for me. If you have a different concept that works for you, that's good too. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

I wish the great looks I had when I was 18 were still apparent.

or twenty something...

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/scan0006.jpg

[Pebbles]

WOW!!:wow::wow:

[DarkSkies]

Jon, you hippie freak!!!! :laugh: :HappyWave::clapping:
That picture brought me back to the good old days. I went and found some of the old scrapbooks. I'll take some pics of the polaroids and try to post em up soon.

Maybe we should start a "stuck in the hippy days" thread? :ROFLMAO

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Music drives the devil away.
--Martin Luther

How many times have we seen a movie and liked the music so much we went out and bought the sound track? It may have been classical music in the background, or country, western, jazz, or even rock music. Perhaps the music was soothing, or fun and spirited. It made us want to sing or dance. It was so good to listen to it made us feel good all over!

Music of many kinds can enrich the spirit, drive away our worries, and soothe tension. It's a gift we all can have as long as we can hear. And many who are hearing-impaired may still benefit from the rhythmic vibrations of music that are felt more than heard, but which can still be soothing.

When we take some time each day to stop and listen to music, we contribute to our physical well-being and our spiritual health. And we appreciate it when those who have the gift of making music share that gift with others. We may even find a music-making gift in ourselves that we can share and enjoy.

Today help me take time from the hectic part of my day and allow music to heal and refresh me.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


Great topic for today. Music has saved my life many times. When I listen to some tunes I'm not just in the moment... I feel that music deep inside. It brings me to a particular time or place in my life. Powerful stuff! :thumbsup:





KVTDl8oiJBs


WyczwqRD2NI

p1d3Rd2bTCo

DKxeq9USLeM

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Our Spiritual Journey

We begin our spiritual journey at different times in our lives but most of us reach the same place eventually where we accept the guidance of a Power greater than ourselves. A Power that cares for us and accepts us just as we are. A Power that guides us, teaches us, and grants us just what we need – and, at times, what we want. A power that helps us cope with our illness each day. A Power that never leaves our side, even when we become angry and demanding.

If we have not yet begun our spiritual journey, there is still time to do so. Our Higher Power is there for us. All that is required from us is the willingness to begin.

Today, have I begun my spiritual journey?

Thought for the Day

Spirituality is a gift that is always available.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



My honest answer to that?
No,,, I haven't.

I feel that I am spiritual.
I treat people how I want to be treated, I have empathy and understanding for their circumstances in life. I try to help those who are in most need, when I can.
That gives me spirituality, right?

I don't think so.
There are still people out there who have such a strong belief in God that their belief and faith allows them to move foward through anything life will throw at them.

I went to see Joel Olsteen the other night. Pebbles and I took my Mom for her birthday, it was something she really wanted to see. I felt stupid when I saw the devotion people had to their faith. They weren't ashamed of it. To a cynical person like me, there were thoughts that this could be a form of brainwashing.

As I looked at it a 2nd time, I realized that it wasn't anything like that. It was a way for people who experience problems and obstacles in life to learn to overcome those obstacles.

I still don't think I have the faith that they have, but at least I have a better understanding than I did before I went.

And the one thing I believe in my heart is this...
If you are faced with a problem that looms large in your life, your faith and positive behavior and actions as a result of that faith can help you to get through it.

God is always there, the question is do we turn to him or not?
It's up to us whether we make that choice or not. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[DarkSkies]

A long-time friend sent me this today. He recently celebrated a sobriety anniversary. We live in different areas and don't get a chance to talk much anymore.

We have had similar things happen to us in our lives, many disappointments along the way. Yet he's still my friend, and a good one.

If you have lost touch with anyone in your life, please consider contacting them and let them know how much they mean to you. A 5 minute phone call is all it takes to let someone know you were thinking of them. :thumbsup:


To all my family & friends I want to



THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.




ONCE YOU READ THIS




YOU WILL UNDERSTAND!









A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.




It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.



There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.



Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.



"Jack, did you hear me?"



"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.



"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.



"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.



"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said





"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.





As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.





The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.





Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.





"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.





"The box is gone," he said





"What box?" Mom asked.





"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.





It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.





"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."





It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.


Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.





"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.





Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:





"Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser."





"The thing he valued most was...my time"





Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.





"I need some time to spend with my son," he said.





"Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"





"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"





Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.





1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.





2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.





3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.





4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.





5. You mean the world to someone.





6. If not for you, someone may not be living.





7. You are special and unique.





8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.





9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.





10.. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.





11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.





12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.





13 . Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy .





14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.





Send this letter to all the people you care about, if you do so, you will certainly brighten someone's day and might change their perspective on life...for the better.





To everyone I sent this to " Thanks for your time".

[rip316]

That was a truly touching, eye opener of a story. Beautiful.

[clamchucker]

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.





1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

5. You mean the world to someone.

6. If not for you, someone may not be living.

7. You are special and unique.

8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.

10.. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.

13 . Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy .

14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

" Thanks for your time".


The older you get the more these ring true. Thanks for sharing Dark, thanks for your time.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The more I learn of others' problems, the more my own problems automatically dissolve.
--Tarthang Tulku Rinpoche

Newcomer

The second part of Step Eight says, "became willing to make amends to them all." I have to admit that this is a lot harder for me than simply recognizing that I've caused harm. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to certain people.

Sponsor

The willingness to make amends to everyone we've harmed, even those who may have harmed us, is something that we don't have to force or strive for. We become willing as part of yet another gradual process in recovery. We have begun to recognize that everything is interrelated, that whatever we've done to others, we've also done in some measure to ourselves. This is true not only of any harm that we've done, but also of the compassion that we've begun to feel. As we come to understand the impact of addiction on our lives, as we release our secrets and are met with gentleness and understanding, as we participate in the healing laughter at meetings, we replace old feelings of shame with compassion. Our new capacity to feel compassion for ourselves restores and revitalizes our understanding and care for others.

We become willing to make amends when we realize that in doing so, we are healing ourselves.

Today, I cultivate openness and compassion toward others.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)



These tough economic times we're living in make it tough to focus, and easy to get depressed for many people. Lately everyone I meet is very pessimistic about the economy and the future. I feel the same way too, but feel sometimes we have to put things in perspective...


I recently learned I have to buy a newer vehiclle. This bums me out because I have to dip into savings. It kills me to take moeny I had saved for retirement to do this...

until I realized there are people out there who have no transportation at all except their feet. :o




Lost your job?
There's someone out there without a home.

Facing a major surgery or illness?
There's someone out there whose family member just died of cancer and didn't make it.

Worried about the economic future?
There's someone out there who didn't get enough to eat today.

Worried that the value of your house has gone down?
There are people who lost their houses this year in earthquakes and other natural disasters.

Everything becomes more manageable if you put it into perspective. :learn:

[jonthepain]

... if you want it ...

that's the key right there.

i've been asked several times to conduct "interventions." i always ask the distraught wife "does he want to quit?" and they usually say - no then what would be the point of an intervention? i tell them "call me when he wants to quit - then I can help him."

when i was using, stunts like that would just drive me further away from reality, and back into the arms of my friends alchohol, drugs, and drinking buddies, reinforcing the us vs. the world mentality.

maybe somebody else has a different perspective on those things

[DarkSkies]

that's the key right there.

i tell them "call me when he wants to quit - then I can help him."

maybe somebody else has a different perspective on those things

I think your perspective is fine as is, Jon. :thumbsup:

A while ago I was talking about a long-time friend who went back out after years of sobriety and almost died. We (all of his long-time friends) tried to do an intervention when he said he wanted help. It didn't work because he didn't really want help, he was looking to manipulate.

In the end I turned my back on him, told him I gave him up for dead because it was inevitable with the path he was on. He got locked up and I wouldn't bail him out because I was done with the lies and manipulation. It was hard, but he decided of his own free will that he was sick and tired... of being sick and tired. :thumbsup: http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

That was good, because on my end I was tired of listening to the same old stories, and I stopped listening for awhile.

He recently celebrated 3 years of sobriety, and I'm real proud of his recovery so far. :clapping::clapping:
He's a lifelong friend. We've been through a lot together. His family took me in when I had no one to turn to. I would have been out on the street without them. And now, through the hard work he's done in his recovery, I have my friend back. :thumbsup:

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. :learn:

[jonthepain]

if one picture is worth a thousand words, what's one cartoon worth?

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/deanondrugs.gif

[jonthepain]

I think I remember reading that Dale Carnegie kept a notebook with stuff that he was worrying about. He'd look at the entries from a year or more earlier and laugh at the stuff he was so stressed about at the time.

[jonthepain]

"Ward, stop being so hard on the Beaver!"

-Mrs. Cleaver

[hookedonbass]

It is very easy to be hard on yourself. We could benefit from learning to give our troubles up to God.

"God helps us handle what we are given"