One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[jonthepain]

it's funny you should mention that...

last night i went to one of my old softball team's opening game. i was talking to kevin who took my place at first - he's an old friend and a great player (he had 2 hrs; one an inside the parker.)

he (and some of the other guys) wanted me to come out of retirement, but see, i used to be good, and now that i can't play at the (state championship) level any more, it's just frustrating for me. it's a trial. and i get to be really hard on myself, and don't enjoy it as much as i should.

but it's a funny thing about trials. after the game kevin was telling me and the mrs about a book he just read by cs lewis, about his childhood. it seems that cs had a tough childhood because he couldn't bend his thumb joints. it made it hard for him to throw a ball or really do any type of sports well, and you guys know that as a kid that would make life very hard, not just how the other boys would treat him, but how he would think of himself.

but cs liked to read a lot, and being a creative kid, he spent the time that he would have been playing sports (which is what he really wanted to do,) reading and writing.

as you all know, cs lewis became a great and famous writer, and arguably the greatest Christian apologists of all time.

So God used that infirmity, that trouble, for His glory, and for the ultimate benefit of cs lewis and people all over the world and of many generations who love and are edified and helped by cs lewis' books.

you are right, hooked, that God helps us handle what we're given, but even beyond that, he can turn a lemon into lemonade.

[DarkSkies]

"Ward, stop being so hard on the Beaver!"

-Mrs. Cleaver

Jon you have that special gift of making people laugh no matter what. Some of your humor is certifiable :kooky: sometimes dry, but it's always funny to me. :lookhappy:




Today's thought from Hazelden is:

God does not ask your ability
Or your inability.
He asks only your availability.
--Mary Kay Ash

Reasons for gratitude are easy to find. If we're breathing, we can think of people hooked up to oxygen tanks. If our skin is smooth, we can remember people suffering in burn units. If we ran into a store for a minute to buy a gallon of milk today, we can remember the long lines people in other cultures endure for the same errand.

And we exist! That alone is miraculous. We have survived a chronic, often fatal disease. For many of us, life is better than before addiction, because we've found a new appreciation for life, a new depth and peace, a new calmness. And we can continue to grow in recovery each beautiful day that is given to us. Today babies across the world are being born, bringing millions of hopeful and exciting possibilities into our world.

Now, we're ready to take our place in the sun as one of the world's new hopeful possibilities. We live and breathe and feel and think, and we are watched over by a Higher Power who loves us and has a plan for our lives.

Today let me look for the good in my world and be thankful.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


When we're feeling the most down is exactly the time to look around ourselves and imagine how our world would be at it's worst. Even if you're going through a rough patch, you have to tell yourself it will get better. There is always someone worse off than you are, and struggling just as much or more. And they're finding a way to survive it, and you will too. You have to believe in something. If so, it may as well be God. He won't drag you to a better life, but faith in him and a good support gtoup of people you trust can help you to climb out of any hole you find yourself in. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

will do

[jonthepain]

^^

ever notice how much coffee gets consumed at an AA meeting?

[jonthepain]

uepFO4psgKE

[DarkSkies]

Love that Jon, that movie was a classic. Although I never met Belushi, he seemed an amazing character to me, a study in contrasts. I was so bummed when he died. :(




Today's thought from Hazelden is:

To be alive is power,
Existing in itself,
Without a further function,
Omnipotence enough.
--Emily Dickinson

Being a person in this world is an amazing gift. A spiritual awakening promised by this program is open to us. But today, not all of us feel powerful and alive. We may feel weak, inadequate to our task, perplexed, or stymied. Is this a day in which we are filled with exuberance for the gift of life? Or is this a day when we're feeling subdued by life's burdens?

Perhaps we need to evaluate our perspective. Are we trying to control something or someone? Are we acting as if the world should be as we want rather than as it is? Have our individual wills exceeded their natural bounds and spoiled the simple joy of being "without a further function"?

May I find the pleasure and exuberance today that come with being alive. The simple power to be a person is "omnipotence enough."

[DarkSkies]

This can also be funny to the Earth people out there, ya don't have to be a drunk to enjoy it.
Sent in by Finchaser, thanks!


Can you solve this puzzle?




You are riding on a beautiful white horse.
On your left side is a drop off.
On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.
In front of you are four large gazelles that won't get out of your way
And you can't seem to overtake them.
Behind you is a stampede of horses.
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?
For the answer click and drag your mouse from star to star.

*Get your drunk *** off the merry-go-round. *

[jonthepain]

Can you solve this puzzle?

rofl Rich - I'm glad I didn't have a mouthful of anything when i read that. had to call over the wife to get her input.

thanks

[DarkSkies]

^ Right on Jon, I enjoyed that because it coulda been me back when I was drinking. Oh the things we used to do... ;)



Today's thought for Hazelden is:

Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and dust doth corrupt, where thieves break through and steal; but lay up treasures in heaven ... for where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.
--Matthew 6:19 21

The True Treasure

Consider the following story of misplaced priorities. While hiking in the wilderness, I met a man whose T-shirt carried the following message: "He who dies with the most toys, wins."

As I pondered those words, I was sure that the author meant the opposite of what he said. No one on his deathbed ever stated, "I wish I had spent more time at the office." We were put on this earth not to accumulate "toys," but to reap the gifts of the spirit. These gifts come to us when we dedicate our lives to something greater than ourselves - a path of service in the world, the raising of a loving family, the creation of beauty through art, or any passion that inspires one.

Having lived in this manner, you can look back over your life with a real sense of fulfillment. By following the path of peace, love, and joy, you will discover your true treasure - one that transcends death itself.

He, who dies, having followed his heart, wins.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


Consider this: Toys are nice, especially IMO when they have to do with the outdoors, but you can't take them with you when you're gone..
The relationships and shared experiences you have with PEOPLE in your lives transcend all that, at least it seems that way to me. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[jonthepain]

... you're letting people rent space in your head.

never thought of it like that. thanks D.

[DarkSkies]

never thought of it like that. thanks D.

Maybe that's because you've never been around my dysfunctional family. We rent head space to anyone, cheap! :kooky: ;)




Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
--Joseph Addison

Having someone to bestow our love on - a child, friend, or lover, perhaps a pet - will provide us with a time each day for intimacy, a time for sharing affection, a time, which assures us our presence is counted on.

But having someone to love is not all we need for happiness. We must have dreams for the future, reasons for getting out of bed in the present, and the well-earned glow that accompanies past achievements. Dreams lose their glamour if that's all we have. If the reasons for rising don't excite us any longer, or the achievements ring hollow, we'll not come to know the happiness for which we've been created.

Happiness is our birthright so long as we live fully and love truly.



Amen.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

. . .we may surprise ourselves by discovering a treasure.

Not all secrets are bad. Some secrets are more like unspoken, unacknowledged mysteries than sinister destructive forces. We may quietly know what it is like to be a man or a woman in an intimate relationship, but we may never have told anyone in words. We may have a sense of how our lives have changed as a result of our relationship, but we may never have stopped to fully express it, even to ourselves. A piece of music may touch a place within us that does not have words. Those secrets are valuable and worth guarding like a precious treasure.

When we try to find words for these secrets, we may surprise ourselves by discovering a treasure. They may give us a sense of power or join us with others who understand us. These treasured secrets are an adventure for a couple to reveal to each other. What is the most valuable lesson you have learned about intimacy since you first met? What would you reveal to your son or daughter about the ways to gain the greatest happiness in love? How would you choose to live the last day of your life?

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)





Ask yourself, if you died tomorrow, what legacy of inspiration from your words and teachings would you leave behind? What positive effects have you tried to make on other people in your path in life?

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Real friends are those who, when you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel that you've done a permanent job.
--Erwin T. Randall

What kind of friends do we have? Are they people who complain a lot? Are they people who laugh at us or put others down?

The kind of people we want to be will decide what kind of friends we have. If we want to feel sorry for ourselves, we will choose friends who will tell us how rotten their lives are. If we want to think we're better than others, we will hang around people who laugh at others' mistakes.

But if we want to be the best we can be, we will pick friends who see the good in life, people who will encourage us to be ourselves and who will help us try harder at things that are difficult for us.

How can I be a better friend today?

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)









I learned long ago that the way to find a friend, is to be a friend.

Someone I haven't talked to in awhile called me the other day, related a conversation him and another guy I know were having about me. They said something like: "Yeah Rich is a good guy,, he tries to be friends with everyone and wants to see everyone get along."

I'm glad they thought that of me, I've tried hard to bring myself to that path where I can put out positive vibes and try to get along with all personality types.

But I'm enough of a realist to know we can't be "friends" with everyone. For example, look at facebook, myspace, all the social networking sites out there. There are people on there who list thousands of "friends". :don't know why: That's amazing to me, as I think how can you possibly have thousands of true "friends" when you have never even met half of them? :huh:

So the concept where people think of these friends, is one where I realistically call them acquaintances. You should ask yourself if a person is your friend or acquaintance. Acquaintances can become friends over time. To me, that's the natural cycle of things.

But friends are different. Friends help each other. Friends support each other. Friends have an interest in what's going in the lives of their friends, and help them out if they're able. Too many people think if they know someone, they're friends. Meanwhile if they had a chance to help the other person, they wouldn't. When you take the veneer away, you see that they form the acquaintance to further their own selfish needs, and they honestly couldn't care less about the well-being of the person they call "friend".

In phone conversations people have with me, it's no surprise I'm obsessed about fishing, where the fish are, where they're moving to, and bait migration patterns. These are important to me when I go out and fish at night.

However, some of the most intense conversations I have with my fishing friends are about the things going on in their lives at the time. I get to hear about the innermost details of peoples lives, and their hopes and dreams, because I am truly interested. I care about what's going on in their lives, and do whatever I can to show or indicate that.

People tell me things, because they consider me a friend, beyond the fishing or current interest that brings us together. To me, that's what true friendship is about, and something that should develop naturally over time. Friends can call me at 3am if they're in a jam, and I'll be there to help. That's what I'm about, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Without focusing on the negative, having relationships like this with people teaches you to spot people who are shallow, manipulative, or selfish. My perspective on society is that we have evolved to a point where many are selfish and only concerned with themselves or their own agenda. That's too bad, because IMO they are missing out on the true richness that comes from having good, solid friendships. You couldn't explain this to those people because they wouldn't understand. Whether it was the way they were raised, or just the trend in society to not get involved with others, I think for many that's the path they're happy with, not much change is possible.

So as not to keep the spotlight on the previous paragraph, I would encourage all out there to find, seek, and develop friendships that are fulfilling, a 2-way street, if you accept that analogy. Find people who truly have an interest in you. One way of finding that is to have a genuine interest in them. When you come across people who are like the above, give them less of your time as you realize that selfish and negative people won't help you to move forward with your life.

Try to surround yourself with positive people and attitudes, and your life will benefit as well. :learn:

[jonthepain]

rich you're a good man, my friend

[DarkSkies]

rich you're a good man, my friend


You're a good friend too, Jon. Wish I could win the lottery and buy ya a new roof. In the meantime, we'll have to get by on prayer and hope, (and soup and crackers). ;) :HappyWave:



Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The trouble is not that we are never happy - it is that happiness is so episodical.
--Ruth Benedict

Happiness is our birthright. The decision to be happy is ours to make, every day, when confronted with any experience. Too many of us grew up believing that life needed to be a certain way for us to be happy. We looked for the right lover, the right job, the right dress. We looked outside of ourselves for the key to happiness. In time, we even looked to alcohol, drugs, food perhaps - to no avail.

Happiness lies within. We must encourage it to spring forth. But first we need to believe that happiness is fully within our power. We must trust that the most difficult circumstances won't keep it from us when we have learned to tap the source within.

Life is a gift we are granted moment by moment. Let us be in awe of the wonder of it, and then revel in it. We can marvel at creation for a moment and realize how special we are to be participants. Happiness will overcome us if we let it. We can best show our gratitude for the wonder of this gift by smiling within and without.

That I am here is a wonderful mystery to which joy is the natural response. It is no accident that I am here.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)








Life has has a lot of ups and downs for me lately, as I'm sure it has for other people. I was talking to a guy today who could have the key to financial security for my future, but the deal he wants won't work.


I've been working on this deal with him for 3 yrars. He has some mental issues that will probably prevent him from dealing rationally, and I'll have to let go of what would have been the deal of the decade. He's still a good guy, we've developed a friendship over time. He kind of thinks of himself as my Dad, and has given me lots of good advice, but he is just unreasonable when it comes to business dealings. After being on the phone with him for 1/2 hour this morning I realized it will never happen and I have to accept how he is.


The above what I described is only one facet of my life, and only a financial one. That is but a small part of our total makeup. Things wouldn't have been so hard for me if this thing had worked out, but as I ended the conversation, I had to ask myself:


"Don't I have my health?
Do I have any incurable diseases at this point in my life?
Don't I have at least a few people who I managed to weave into my life who bring brightness to my day, and me to theirs?"




Yes, I do, and I am blessed. It's important to keep aware of that when something happens to bring us down. It's all a matter of perspective. I sometimes ask myself when life will get any easier, at the same time not realizing that there are dozens of people who would trade places with me at a moment's notice.

Food for thought. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

"God, grant me the serenity. . ."

The Serenity Prayer has the potential of changing our lives concretely. The hardest part is remembering to rely on it. What the prayer offers is an opportunity to quiet our minds long enough to sense what our Higher Power wishes for us. In the stillness, we'll find strength to change what we need to change.

It's not unusual to think that everyone but us needs to change. Ask around at meetings. All will agree that we came to our first meeting thinking we'd learn how to get other people to change, certain that would make us happy. But that's not how happiness comes, and we're lucky for that. If our happiness were tied to what others did, we'd always be in their control. What a bleak existence that might be!

The happiness we deserve will come when we do two things: first, take the power that is ours through becoming willing to accept others as they are and second, make a commitment to change what we need to change and then follow through. Using the Serenity Prayer puts us in charge of our own happiness.

I will find as much happiness as I want today. The Serenity Prayer, used often, will be the key.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

The Serenity Prayer, while simple, is a great tool for sobriety and also for those who are having difficulty with life.
Its words have meaning and can offer direction for those who feel lost. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Nature is the Art of God.
--Sir Thomas Browne

The most relaxing activities may be the ones in which we do absolutely nothing. And if we can do nothing amid the sounds of nature - birds chirping, water bubbling in a brook, the wind rustling in the trees - so much the better. During these moments, away from the noise and chaos of our fast-paced, stress-filled lives, we commune most directly with nature and our Higher Power. Without distraction, our bodies can totally relax; there is no danger, no need to be ready to respond to anything. All we have to do is be.

If we live in the city, we can take refuge in its parks, a quiet room, or the library. We can listen to the sounds of nature on records or cassette tapes. The point is to slow down, to smell and taste the rain, to hear the chirping of crickets and the rustling of leaves and our own thoughts. When we remember nature, we remember - our bodies remember - that we are a part of nature, part of something greater than ourselves.

Today help me hear the sounds of nature and let them comfort and heal me.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


I was just talking about this to a fisherman I met on the beach this morning. I feel most at peace when I'm out there fishin. Fishing is like my church that I can go to anytime I want. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Give us to go blithely on our business this day, bring us to our resting beds weary and content and undishonored, and grant us in the end the gift of sleep.
--Robert Louis Stevenson

Tonight, our reward for the day is sleep. To make sleep peaceful and relaxing, and filled with pleasant thoughts, we can spend time gently closing our minds to the day's events.

We can walk down a pleasant, nature-filled path in our minds. With each step we can move farther away from the day's activities and the many tasks we did or left undone. Look around us. We can see lakes and mountains and hear the soothing sounds of a speeding stream. Nothing is important now except peace of mind and the hours ahead in which our minds will be at peace.

Before we shut off the light we can spend a few minutes visualizing our pleasant nature walks. We can think "Let Go and Let God" and feel the day's tensions and pressures fall from our shoulders. Today has been good. We can then close our eyes and let the reward of sleep drift over us.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

[jonthepain]

I was just talking about this to a fisherman I met on the beach this morning. I feel most at peace when I'm out there fishin. Fishing is like my church that I can go to anytime I want.

I know what you mean. I went to see my mom Thursday (she lives down the shore) and stopped by a deserted New River Inlet on my way home. Put the truck in 4 wheel drive and drove down the strand a bit.

When I got out it really hit me - I felt like my old self again. Been pretty bummed lately for various reasons, but when I hit the sand and that honkin 20 knot NE wind hit me, I knew who I was and where I wanted to be.

I guess due to the wind I had the place to myself at first, but as soon as I clipped on a Kastmaster a pickup pulled up right next to me. (dude you've got the whole beach to yourself; why park right in my face?)

Well a couple of locals popped out with their Bud Lights and white buckets (one of em even had one of those sand spikes with the built in red bait tray) and wanted to know how I was doing.

I was doing great personally but just got there and hadn't found out if I could actually cast into this wind yet. They said yeah it's been blowin like this here for the last two weeks but they'd been able to pick up some blues anyway. They were in high spirits which was great, and took a hike down to a spot where I've been able to score drum and blues in previous years.

I worked my way down the inlet while managing to sidearm the Kastmaster into that wind a dozen times or so till I couldn't take it any more - I burned the crap out of my hands at work last Monday (chemical burns - I literally have no fingerprints right now lol) and they are still all swollen and red and purple and hurt like hell.

I was worried that I was going to tear all the meat off my finger so I had to quit but I tell you what it was great for this LBI Jersey boy to be back in his element again for a bit. I really see God in His creation when I'm in that soft white sand, warm water surging through my legs, throwing metal sidearm into confused whitewater chop, wind and spray in my face, visualizing those voracious tooth monsters zipping by just under the waves.

Thank you Lord for an hour with You on your beach.

[rip316]

Great story Jon. That's exactly how I feel when I walk on the beach. Absolutely love it. Thankj you Jesus.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

This program has no quarrel with medicine, psychiatry, or religion. We have great respect for the methods of each. And we are glad for any success they may have had with any of us. We are desirous always of cooperating with them in every way. The more doctors, the more psychiatrists, the more clergy and rabbis we can get to work with us, the better we like it. We have many who take a real interest in our program, and we would like many more. Am I ready to cooperate with those who take a sincere interest in this program?

MEDITATION FOR THE DAY

God is always ready to pour blessings into our hearts in generous measure. But like the seed-sowing, the ground must be prepared before the seed is dropped in. It is our task to prepare the soil. It is God's role to drop in the seed. This preparation of the soil means many days of right living, choosing the right way and avoiding the wrong. As you go along, each day you are better prepared for God's planting, until you reach the time of harvest. Then you share the harvest with God the harvest of a useful and abundant life.

PRAYER FOR THE DAY

I pray that my way of living may be properly prepared day by day. I pray that I may strive to make myself ready for the harvest that God has planted in my heart.


todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)

Amen.

[DarkSkies]

I know what you mean. I went to see my mom Thursday (she lives down the shore) and stopped by a deserted New River Inlet on my way home. Put the truck in 4 wheel drive and drove down the strand a bit.

When I got out it really hit me - I felt like my old self again. Been pretty bummed lately for various reasons, but when I hit the sand and that honkin 20 knot NE wind hit me, I knew who I was and where I wanted to be.

... They were in high spirits which was great, and took a hike down to a spot where I've been able to score drum and blues in previous years.

I worked my way down the inlet while managing to sidearm the Kastmaster into that wind a dozen times or so till I couldn't take it any more - I burned the crap out of my hands at work last Monday (chemical burns - I literally have no fingerprints right now lol) and they are still all swollen and red and purple and hurt like hell.

I was worried that I was going to tear all the meat off my finger so I had to quit but I tell you what it was great for this LBI Jersey boy to be back in his element again for a bit.

I really see God in His creation when I'm in that soft white sand, warm water surging through my legs, throwing metal sidearm into confused whitewater chop, wind and spray in my face, visualizing those voracious tooth monsters zipping by just under the waves.

Thank you Lord for an hour with You on your beach.

Well-said, Jon. :thumbsup:

Thanks for sharing the experience, you have a talent for describing things. Someone else might have written: "Went to a beach, casted for bluefish, got mugged by the locals..."

The way you put the words down is much more interesting than that. :fishing:

Sorry to hear about your hands, I sent ya a PM. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

got it, thanks

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Being Present

Reality can be a difficult place to live. Sometimes it seems impossible to stay in the here and now.

From time to time we all revisit the past and yearn for the future. This is natural. Being present every minute of the day is impossible for anyone.

Still, we can strive to be present for as many minutes as we can. We strive for progress, not perfection.

Today, am I doing what I can to be present?

Thought for the Day

A small dose of reality is better than no reality at all.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)




...and sometimes the reality at hand is too harsh, and we make the choice not to accept it. That happened to Skeets, an old salt who not many here know. I was told how he decided he didn't want to go on anymore after he got a crushing diagnosis from the Dr, and ended his life last night.


The thought of what happened to him has been bothering me in my gut for the last few hours, so I thought I would express my condolences here.

On the other hand, he lived how he wanted, and died by his own decision. I hope people don't take this the wrong way, but I truly admire that.

How do we live our lives, quietly living, joys and sorrows, and then realize there will come a point where we will be somewhat of a burden to those who might have to take care of us? :don't know why: He didn't want to be that burden, and now he's gone.

RIP, much respect for taking control of your end of life decisions, instead of wasting away in a nursing home. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

That's a tough one, but I concur.

Condolences.

For he remembered that they were but flesh; a wind that passes away, and comes not again. Ps 78:39

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Moral Inventory

It is fortunate that we can think in secret, because our thoughts would quickly get us in trouble if others could read them. In our thoughts, we can choose what we wish to reveal to others before we speak or act.

In the long run, however, we do not really conceal our true thoughts and feelings. The nature of our thoughts shapes our character and becomes part of us. It even affects our appearance. It is not difficult at all to identify people who are fearful, angry, or jealous.

This process has its good side, because kind thoughts and feelings also affect our appearance, and in positive ways. Norman Vincent Peale wrote that "God runs a beauty parlor," meaning that plain people with gracious thoughts tend to become more attractive as years wear on.

As AA members, we need not fear our own thoughts and feelings if we are continuing to work the program. As the sober years stretch out, we will be improving our thoughts and feelings, and this will tell others what the program is doing for us and through us.

I'll remember today that I don't really keep my thoughts and feelings secret. I will think well of myself and all others. I know that there are no hidden thoughts in the long run.

todaysgift@hazelden.info (todaysgift@hazelden.info)


Amen.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

Every man and woman who has joined The Program and intends to stick around has, without realizing it, made a beginning on Step Three. Isn't it true that, in all matters related to their addictions, each of them has decided to turn his or her life over to the care, protection, and guidance of The Program? So already a willingness has been achieved to cast out one's own will and one's own ideas about the addiction in favor of those suggested by The Program. If this isn't turning one's will and life over to a new-found "Providence," then what is it? Have I had a spiritual awakening as the result of The Steps?

Today I Pray

For myself, I pray for a God-centered life. I thank God often for the spiritual awakening I have felt since I turned my life over. May the words "spiritual awakening" be a clue to others that there is a free fund of spiritual power within each person. It must only be discovered.

Today I Will Remember

I will try to be God-centered.



Everyone has ther own concept of God. However you imagine Him, remember that it's not enough to only contact him when you need him. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[surfstix1963]

I never read this thread till today i admire all of you. I don't really drink myself and that may stem from my Dad drinking but he always supported and worked to raise us , all 6 of us he died when I was 12 and that was pretty tough on me and my oldest brother also had a drinking problem that he never got over and he was killed crossing a hwy to meet my Mom who was picking him up from work that was a horrible day when she arrived and saw cops and ambulances all over the place it turns out the first car that hit him kept right on going and a second car hit him and did stop I miss him alot. not to long after that my niece killed herself and then my grandfather passed (my fishing teacher) and not too long after that my grandmother died it was a real crappy couple of years for me.I always found some inner peace in fishing. I became hardcore for years I just fished it always seemed to put my thoughts aside made things go away it kept me pretty much out of trouble and I have never stopped modified my fishing some and now I'm going through this whole thing no job couple of surgeries and hopefully healing enough to fish again I'm really having a hard time knowing I can't work or do much anymore but I still run to anything that involves fishing tying my teasers and plug kits I need to keep my mind busy amongst some other issues that are arising lately which I really don't need right now.I just want to get out there I need some get away time sorry to ramble on but alot of stuff is making me think dumb things and not act like myself towards people but some people just insist on pushing and pushing and I have a short fuse these days and this person is suppoosed to be family an in law but family.

[jonthepain]

Hey SS, glad you chimed in.

sounds like a lot of stuff piling on for you. especially not being able to put your thoughts aside and fish like you said.

not sure what to say, but i'm praying for you. Rich told me once not to let relatives rent space in my head. not easy but still...

what type of surgeries have you gone through that you mentioned, if you don't mind my asking?

[surfstix1963]

I had a triple fusion on my neck and just had my second back surgery due to the crane operator at work swinging the dredging bucket w/o looking and hit me in the back.I've been out of work for a yr. so they terminated me and now I'm playing the SS disability game was turned down the first time now I have to wait another year for a hearing,so living on compensation is a little tough especially when they decide to cut your money whenever they feel like it.My wife is great she's working her butt off to make ends meet.But her Mom is driving me nuts we live w/ them because they want to give us the house thats why we bought the camper to get away from April till November she obviously feels I'm no good anymore and just keeps throwing little remarks and I am usually a very patient person but its wearing thin I am hoping for my camper to be repaired this week although I'm not sure I am ready to tow it I need to get away we always camp by the water and I need that real bad right about now.Dark is a great guy he is always checking on me and he is a great friend although we still have not met.Alot of the things I mentioned were years ago but it does'nt seem to go away especially when you have nothing to put it aside so I dove into the plug kits to try and keep my mind busy.Thanks for asking I find alot of good people on this site most better than some of the family. How are your hands that sounds pretty messed up hope they are healing well. :HappyWave:

[rip316]

okay here is my miserable life story. Grew up with 2 drunk and drug addict parents. Cocain, pills, weed, you name it. All they did was beat each other and cheat on each other. Cops were always at our house. They eventually split. My two younger brothers and I stayed wit hmy Dad and my older sister went with my Mom.
One day when I was twelve we went to visit my Mother for the weekend. When we arrived, the house was cleaned out. All clothing items were gone. My sister who was 16 at the time was working and she came home and discovered us there and an empty house.
My Dad tried to find her but didn't have any luck. He was now stuck with us three boys. My sister went to live with her boyfriend and eventually married him when she was 18. That marriage did not last very long. My Dad starts to drink really bad at this point and decides he needed a puncing bag to get his anger out on which was me. He used to beat the **** out of me. I took care of my brothers while he worked. Icooked, cleaned, laundry, I did everything and all he did was get effed up and act like the world owed him something because she left him with us.
I think 8 or 9 yrs pass and I eventually got legal custody of my two bros. I made my father pay me child support. One evening when I came home from one of two jobs, my brother was on the phone with my Mother. My sister did some investigating and found her. We spoke and eventually met. Things go well for a while until they both (new husband) lose there shitty jobs and leave texas to come live with me. I offered. So now at this stage I have myself, 2 bros, her and the husband living in my 1 bedroom apt.
I support the house until they decide to move to Florida. Kept in contact with them for a year and even went to visit. After that, nothing. She di it again. Packed up and left. No contact, no phone number, no change of address card, puufft. At this point I have had it up to here with the BS between my parents. Me and my Dad are on again off again for years. So I finally I am at the point where I dont give an eff. I am raising my two children with my wife and her two sons. My Dad lives two minutes from my house and I refuse to have any relationship with him. Even though he tells my sister that he is ashamed to contact me first and wants me in his life but he can not drivr two minutes to my door and apologize for being a total scumbag to me. He now has lung cancer and I guess this is his way out. Well guess what? He can drop effin dead before I will ever speak to him. Guess what else? They just found cancer in 90% of my mothers body. She has 6 months maybe.
My brothers and sister have had a realtionship with her again after her husband died and she needed a place to live wich is with my sister. The three of them are going through a hard time right now because they are watching her die and I want nothing to do with it. I have told my kids that there Grandma died a long time ago when she got sick. I am not putting my kids through what I went through. So, at leat my siblings are not pushing me to go see her for one last time which to me is a crock of ****. Both of my parents will soon be dead I will not let myself suffer through it. I say effem both. I am totally ok with my decision. I am at peace with myself for I did not do anything wrong in my childhood to deserve to be treated like ****.
Well that's my miserable life story. The happy ending is that I am still in love with my wife of 14yrs. I love ALL of my kids even though they can be a pain in the ***. We struggle financially but get by. We are a family and I will never ever leave them.

Jimmy Heimall

[speedy]

s
I had a triple fusion on my neck and just had my second back surgery due to the crane operator at work swinging the dredging bucket w/o looking and hit me in the back.I've been out of work for a yr. so they terminated me and now I'm playing the SS disability game was turned down the first time now I have to wait another year for a hearing,so living on compensation is a little tough especially when they decide to cut your money whenever they feel like it.My wife is great she's working her butt off to make ends meet.But her Mom is driving me nuts we live w/ them because they want to give us the house thats why we bought the camper to get away from April till November she obviously feels I'm no good anymore and just keeps throwing little remarks and I am usually a very patient person but its wearing thin I am hoping for my camper to be repaired this week although I'm not sure I am ready to tow it I need to get away we always camp by the water and I need that real bad right about now.Dark is a great guy he is always checking on me and he is a great friend although we still have not met.Alot of the things I mentioned were years ago but it does'nt seem to go away especially when you have nothing to put it aside so I dove into the plug kits to try and keep my mind busy.Thanks for asking I find alot of good people on this site most better than some of the family. How are your hands that sounds pretty messed up hope they are healing well. :HappyWave:hey bro i am here if you need to vent or just talk keep that in mind . keep your head up bro i know times are tuff just keep making the plugs that are out of this world feel better bro if you need my number just ask :HappyWave::HappyWave::HappyWave::HappyWave:

[rip316]

That's right Surfstix. Keep your head up and when you think you are getting close to going fishing let us know and I am sure between Cardoc, Speedy, Darkskies and myself I am sure we can get you out there. Sorry to throw you out there Dave but knowing the kind of guy you are I know you would try to help this guy out as well.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close;
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
--Longfellow

Every day for us is a period of spiritual growth. Restful sleep prepares us for fruitful days. As each day begins, a new adventure in growth lies ahead. We seek strength and an attitude of making our lives more meaningful and positive through prayer and meditation at the start of each new day during our quiet time. We prepare ourselves emotionally for the busy hours ahead.

With positive action planned ahead, we arise to a day dedicated to accomplishment. We know we have little time for standing and idly staring. We accept new challenges as we carry out each day's plans. We encourage those around us to join us in seeking to see the best in everything that makes up our daily lives.

Restful sleep, meditation, planning, and "turning it over" starts my day with a quiet time and keeps it manageable

[DarkSkies]

Surfstix and Rip, I'm a little overwhelmed by your responses. You just don't see that kind of honesty today, people are not comfortable opening up to that level, especially on the internet. :thumbsup:

I put my life out here, and all my screw-ups, for the whole world to see. I'm over being embarassed by it, and have gotten countless PM's, e-mails, and Visitor messages from strangers saying how this thread has helped them. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

And now we have you guys getting up there and talking about what's going on in your lives. Thanks for sharing. I feel your pain, and have felt the way you're describing at many points in my life. :embarassed:

Many, many times I have been down the road of despair and frustration, and without the support of a few trusted friends, I wouldn't be here anymore.

You guys have my #, you can call me anytime, even at 3am. Dump it all on me, I can definitely relate to it, and you'll feel better.

I appreciate the times you listen to my insanity as well. ;)

You are both good people. You face tough challenges, but you will make it through this. I promise that if you or anyone else reaches out for help in a crisis, I will be there for moral support however I can.

Don't give up guys, you are both doing good jobs with your lives given the hand you were dealt.

Call me anytime, I'm here. :thumbsup:


For anyone else who reads this, feel free to jump in with comments or questions anytime you feel the need.

There is no stigma attached to this thread.

You don't have to be an alcoholic or have a drug or addiction problem.

If you're jammed up about something and want to vent about it, feel free to do it here. Or contact me privately, anytime day or night. I've heard it all, and lived it all, before.

I've been to hell and back. You people all have a reason for being on this Earth. remember that the next time something gets you down. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[speedy]

Surfstix and Rip, I'm a little overwhelmed by your responses. You just don't see that kind of honesty today, people are not comfortable opening up to that level, especially on the internet. :thumbsup:

I put my life out here, and all my screw-ups, for the whole world to see. I'm over being embarassed by it, and have gotten countless PM's, e-mails, and Visitor messages from strangers saying how this thread has helped them. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

And now we have you guys getting up there and talking about what's going on in your lives. Thanks for sharing. I feel your pain, and have felt the way you're describing at many points in my life. :embarassed:

Many, many times I have been down the road of despair and frustration, and without the support of a few trusted friends, I wouldn't be here anymore.

You guys have my #, you can call me anytime, even at 3am. Dump it all on me, I can definitely relate to it, and you'll feel better.

I appreciate the times you listen to my insanity as well. ;)

You are both good people. You face tough challenges, but you will make it through this. I promise that if you or anyone else reaches out for help in a crisis, I will be there for moral support however I can.

Don't give up guys, you are both doing good jobs with your lives given the hand you were dealt.

Call me anytime, I'm here. :thumbsup:
....You people all have a reason for being on this Earth.





to be my freinds:plastered:

[surfstix1963]

Thanks all I usually hold all this in and it was good to get it out even though a lot of the things were years ago I just keep thinking of it I guess the people you miss never go away.I was talking to my cousin yesterday and she had mentioned how my other cousin said he was glad my grandfather and grandmother bought their house on the water it was the fondest memories of his child hood mine also I stayed out there all summer after my Dad died I crabbed,fished, clammed he had given us a rowboat w/ an 18 HP evinrude and we were two of the happiest kids alive no rules just be home by dark what a blast we had.The one thing that keeps me going is my grandmother always told me everything happens for a reason even if you think it is real bad, there is always a reason.And I swear the last two accidents I had at work someone was looking over me when my face got busted open from a fall the doc said one inch higher you would be dead one inch lower and you would have broke your neck so the seven fractures weren't so bad I guess and the last one the dr.s all said you got hit with what?A crane bucket 1000 lbs. of swinging steel full of wet sand if I was standing straight up I wouldn't be here it would have shattered my spine so bending over getting hit saved my butt even the neurosurgeon couldn't believe I only had the injuries I had he said besides being here I don't even know how you are walking so call it what you like but I'm pretty damn lucky I think.I'm going today to get the incision checked and hopefully start therapy for the back I just starting going back yesterday for my neck luckily my wife is a PT.:HappyWave:

[rip316]

Hang in there Sir. If I were you I would be ringing my spongebath bell twice a day. lol. Little lower honey. lol

[speedy]

hey no plugs in the bathtub surfstix lol

[jonthepain]

luckily my wife is a PT.:HappyWave:

mine's just a PITA

[surfstix1963]

You guys always make me laugh thats for sure.:laugh:

[surfstix1963]

hey no plugs in the bathtub surfstix lolI always bring my plugs in the tub just have to leave the hooks off ouch.

[surfstix1963]

I have made myself a vow to get myself well and eff everybody that wants to send negativity my way family,friends I don't care my priority is me and my wife right now fishing can even wait if it has to.But I'm going to do what needs to be done to get better as quick as possible and not let anything stand in my way.Thanks Rich for our chat yesterday.:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The best things in life are appreciated most after they have been lost.
--Roy L. Smith

Humankind has made such great technological progress, developing marvelous tools and instruments to make our life easier, that it is hard to imagine the struggles our ancestors endured. We are so used to these protective and labor-saving devices that we take them for granted. We fail to appreciate them.

So it is with our loved ones, our fellow workers, our friends, and acquaintances. We are so used to the help, the cooperation, the moral support, and the love we get from them that we may take them for granted. And then we wonder why our relationships don't always go smoothly. What if we were to show them a little appreciation? What if we were to ask God to bless them?

Today I will give thanks to my Higher Power for the people around me and tell them, one by one, how much I appreciate them.


I'm so guilty of this at times. I've ruined many relationships by not telling the people in my life how much I appreciate them and all the thoughtful things they do for me.:(

So let me take this opportunity to say "Thank you!" to all the thoughtful people who make the effort to make my life more interesting, challenging, or enriched.

And a special thanks to my sweet Pebbles, who puts up with me day in and day out, sometimes for the life of me I'm surprised she's still around. :wow: :kiss: God sent me an angel when he pout her in my life, and I'm fortunate to have some of my other friends as well.

No matter how rough life can become, I have to remind myself I'm truly blessed. :HappyWave:

[surfstix1963]

Well said forward I go.

[DarkSkies]

Well said forward I go.

The one thing about concentrating on going forward, Surf, it takes your mind off the thoughts of going backward. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:



*************

[DarkSkies]

I thought this joke would find a good home in this thread.
Sent in by Surfstix, thanks!



HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP (http://writesteps.blogspot.com/2007/11/how-to-stop-church-gossip.html)



Here's a little funny from the email circuit.

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose in other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activity, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
[/URL]
She made a mistake; however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she spied his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar. She emphatically told Frank, and several others, that everyone seeing his truck down there would know exactly what he was doing. Frank, a man of few words, stared at her a moment, then just turned and walked away. He didn't deny, defend, or explain. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his old truck in front of Mildred's house ... walked home ... and left it there ... ALL NIGHT!

You gotta love that Frank!
[URL="http://bp2.blogger.com/_DozDF4T2S3g/R02qu49MpgI/AAAAAAAAAXI/vq815z5IaW8/s1600-h/truck.jpg"]
http://bp2.blogger.com/_DozDF4T2S3g/R02qu49MpgI/AAAAAAAAAXI/vq815z5IaW8/s400/truck.jpg (http://bp2.blogger.com/_DozDF4T2S3g/R02qu49MpgI/AAAAAAAAAXI/vq815z5IaW8/s1600-h/truck.jpg)

[speedy]

well put dark

[DarkSkies]

^^ It seems Frank was a man of few words Speedy, maybe I could learn a lot from him. ;)


*******************************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Many of us, in trying to run away from our essential aloneness, have abused alcohol, work, drugs, food, money, and entertainment. In spite of our frantic activity, we have continued to feel "alone in a crowd," "alone in our dreams," and "lonely in our marriages."

These experiences should prove we cannot successfully avoid coming to terms with our aloneness. The sooner we accept responsibility for our lives, the sooner we will stop inflicting unnecessary pain on ourselves.

In accepting our aloneness, we accept that no one can protect us from ourselves - and that no one can live our lives for us. "Aloneness" simply means that we cannot depend on others for our joy or sorrow. We are the authors of our actions, attitudes, and experiences and not the "victims" of fate or circumstance.

Today I will not be afraid of my aloneness. I will accept total responsibility for my attitudes, actions, or neglects. I will not seek unnecessary pain by relying on what others say or do to make me happy.


Amen!

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

If one is going to be truthful, one has to be very tender.
--Florida Scott-Maxwell

Honesty is always the best policy, right? We glibly recite that saying, but it's important to reevaluate its meaning when we are eager to correct or direct the actions of the other people. If being honest will unnecessarily harm them, perhaps being silent is better.

The program is helping us restructure our lives. We discover that many former, automatic responses no longer fit who we desire to be. That means we have to try new, less-practiced behaviors, such as being honest without being harsh or critical.

Learning tenderness is possible. With the help of this program and one another, we are learning to express the acceptance and love that have been given to us by our Higher Power. Giving away what we have been given is sharing the truth absolutely.

I will not hurt anyone today by any comment. I will truthfully share the love and acceptance I have been given.




I agree with the above, to a point. I'm known for being candid, a lot of people respect that. If you want an honest opinion, ask me, and be prepared you might not like what you'll hear.

Over the years I've tried to tone it down a bit. Those who are close to me know that, they also know of my bluntness sometimes. I try to surround myself with people who are the same way. I would rather hear brutal honesty from someone than sugar-coated half-truths.

A valuable thing I've learned, and continue to try to focus on, is that even when giving constructive criticism, you have to think how your words will come across to that other person. If they'll end up being defensive, then you have failed in achieving your objective. This is an area where I also fail from time to time. In all the years I've been learning this, it's one area where I can always try harder.

[jonthepain]

yeah i'm like that too but over the past 15 yrs i've been trying to be circumspect in what i say, especially with the wife and kids. for me it's been as simple as thinking about what i'm going to say for a few seconds - and oftentimes i end up not saying anything at all.

i guess i don't care if anybody knows that i'm right or not as much anymore. if somebody says something that i know is wrong, and i don't correct them, then i'm covered if 1. i wasn't right and 2. they were wrong and didn't appreciate being called on it.

there are a ton of proverbs (solomon was as wise as they come) about the subject, but one of my favorites is Proverbs 21:23

Whoso keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.

[speedy]

Whoso keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.

very well put :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Hey, yesterday was my 6th anniversary of sobriety! forgot all about it.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks!



This may not have come completely from him, so what, he admitted that on his website when he was alive. June 22, he will have been gone 2 years. A great comedic mind and satiric thinker, RIP George. :thumbsup:



11335


Enjoy the ride. There is no return ticket.


George Carlin on aging!
(Absolutely Brilliant)

IF YOU DON'T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON.

George Carlin's Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50, and your dreams are gone...

But! wait!! ! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50, and make it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that, it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's, and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3.Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever, even ham radio. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's family name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen.. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND, ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And, if you don't send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
Life's journey is not to
arrive at the grave safely
in a well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways,
totally used up and worn out, shouting
'...man, what a ride!'

[DarkSkies]

Hey, yesterday was my 6th anniversary of sobriety! forgot all about it.


:banghead2::blackeye: :bucktooth: :argue: :plastered:
Doesn't it feel great to be working the stupid choices out of your life?



Congrats on that one, Jon. :clapping::clapping: Here's hope for more, one day at a time. And the ultimate thing of achievement is that you made it to that anniversary during a time in your life when things were pretty tough. It would have been so tempting for you to say "Eff it, why not have a drink" during any one of the last 6 months of your life.

WTG, man, keep up the good work!

:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping: :clapping:
:thumbsup::thumbsup:
:cool: :fishing: :wow: :moon: :eek: :lookhappy: :bigeyes:

[speedy]

Hey, yesterday was my 6th anniversary of sobriety! forgot all about it.

jon that is so great i very proud of you bro :clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping: :clapping::clapping::clapping::thumbsup::thumbsup: :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Thanks guys. It's all grace.

[speedy]

Thanks guys. It's all grace.

bro you mean the grace of god or some thing like that??

[rip316]

It is your shear determination that keeps you strong. Keep up the the good fight to all of us who have had or are having tough times in life.

[DarkSkies]

Thanks guys. It's all grace.


bro you mean the grace of god or some thing like that??





*************************
Sent in by Surfstix, thanks!


I'm not a big believer in those "Pass this on to 20 people in 5 minutes or you will die a horrible death!" e-mails. :scared:

However, I thought this one Surfstix sent in had some merit. :learn:

Read, forward, or do whatever you want with it, no obligations. Just enjoy the words... :thumbsup:





"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did" When God takes something from your grasp. He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

Concentrate on this sentence:

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
Something good will happen to you today, something that you have been waiting for to hear.

Please do not break. Just 27 Words,
God our Father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in Jesus name, Amen.

This prayer is so powerful. Pass this to 12 people, or not. Up to you... :d

[jonthepain]

bro you mean the grace of god or some thing like that??

yup exactly. i try to think of grace as meaning god's riches at christ's expense.

i tried to quit drinking a couple of times on my own - once i made it 9 months - but something would always happen to set me off again. the next to last time i actually died (from a systemic infection) and they brought me back. it ticked me off so much that they revived me that i went on a two year bender.

it wasn't till i started reading thru the bible in a year that i "let go and let god" so to speak. that's why my anniv date is june 1. i was exactly 6 months thru the bible when He smacked me upside the head and i finally let Him take the desire to drink away.

it wasn't in gone a flash (like my wife's drug addiction) - i had dt's for 3 days, and some serious issues for a month - but i never would have made it on my own.

It is your sheer determination that keeps you strong.

yes but personally i couldn't kick alcohol with sheer determination. see above


When we meet someone for the first time, one of the first questions that often gets asked is: "What do you do?" as in what do you do for a living, to make money, to support your family?

yeah i went from mr big shot architectural designer to gutter cleaner etc and i think god is doing the humble thing to me. or for me.

this is what i've been doing this week - these are my two youngest sons (21 and 17)

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/work016.jpg

btw it's been in the 90s and 100% humidity all week!

[speedy]

yup exactly. i try to think of grace as meaning god's riches at christ's expense.

i tried to quit drinking a couple of times on my own - once i made it 9 months - but something would always happen to set me off again. the next to last time i actually died (from a systemic infection) and they brought me back. it ticked me off so much that they revived me that i went on a two year bender.

it wasn't till i started reading thru the bible in a year that i "let go and let god" so to speak. that's why my anniv date is june 1. i was exactly 6 months thru the bible when He smacked me upside the head and i finally let Him take the desire to drink away.

it wasn't in gone a flash (like my wife's drug addiction) - i had dt's for 3 days, and some serious issues for a month - but i never would have made it on my own.


yes but personally i couldn't kick alcohol with sheer determination. see above



yeah i went from mr big shot architectural designer to gutter cleaner etc and i think god is doing the humble thing to me. or for me.

this is what i've been doing this week - these are my two youngest sons (21 and 17)

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/work016.jpg

btw it's been in the 90s and 100% humidity all week!
still very proud of ya and ya over came that big mountan WTG:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping: AND THAT GO S FOR ALL WTG SOME PEOPLE MAY SAY WHAT do i know i had two freinds one made it one didnot so i know some but not all of how it was for them it was very hard for me even to this day so my hat is off to the ones that made it WTG guys :clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping: :clapping::clapping::clapping:

[DarkSkies]

Jon, I'm glad to see you're getting that roof done. It was nice to see your sons pitch in, that's what family means. Many hands make light work. Hope your hand injuries aren't getting in the way too much.

The project looks like it got off to a good start, look forward to seeing pics when it's done. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

Think of one thing you would like to do with your partner if you could set aside all judgments and evaluations.

:naughty:

[johnnysaxatilis]

"You don't go out looking for a JOB like THAT.... DO you!!!... on a WEEKDAY!?"

"Is this ahhhhhhh....... what day is this?"

~dude

[dogfish]

"You don't go out looking for a JOB like THAT.... DO you!!!... on a WEEKDAY!?"

"Is this ahhhhhhh....... what day is this?"

~dude

they're ******* amateurs!:laugh:
ED4VL7W6VdQ

[johnnysaxatilis]

:ROFLMAO haha yessss.

"We found you're car lodged against an inbuttment."

"ahh MAN lodged where!?"

[jonthepain]

I will open my eyes to whatever I choose to see today.

:wow:

[DarkSkies]

:wow:


:HappyWave:
How's the roof coming along?

[jonthepain]

all done for now. just have the front porch roof and garage roof left; they can wait till next year.

thanks for asking!

last day:
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/roof025m.jpg

Jeremy's shorts lol. No more chimichangas for him!
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/jeremyshortsm.jpg

[DarkSkies]

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/jeremyshortsm.jpg


Boy some Dad you are, embarassing your son like that! :laugh: ;)
Better not let him see this or there will be no Father's Day gift for you! :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

all done for now. just have the front porch roof and garage roof left; they can wait till next year.

thanks for asking!




Nice work, you can enter the fall season without fear of a wet living room. :thumbsup:
Glad it all came together, your sons have turned out pretty well, I guess the old man taught them a few good things. :d

[jonthepain]

the old man taught them a few good things. :d

some by good example and some by not-so-good example

btw who you callin' old??

[DarkSkies]

some by good example and some by not-so-good example

btw who you callin' old??

I think all of your examples in your life have led you to the path you're now on. You may think the path could have been better or easier, but then you wouldn't have learned the lessons you did, or been a teacher for your sons of what NOT to do. The mistakes you made might hopefully help them from making similar ones. That's a good set of examples, in my book. :thumbsup:

And as for old, if ya can remember this song, any of ya's out there, I got news for ya, you're OLD!!!! :laugh:


J0AHXoO-r1o

[jonthepain]

on a really big shoe

[DarkSkies]

Psychedelic shack, that's where it's at
Psychedelic shack, that's where it's at
Millionaires, kings and queens go there to do their things
You might see anybody there, yeah
Bear skin rugs, tails and MINKS
Don't really matter what you wear
You can take off your shoes, sit on the floor
Join in and be what you wanna be
Don't you know that it's right
Around the corner just across the track
People I'm talking about the psychedelic shack, GET DOWN


:plastered:

[Pebbles]

Never hold on to anger or resentment, all is does is weigh you down.

[DarkSkies]

Never hold on to anger or resentment, all is does is weigh you down.

I knew there was a reason I still stick around ya, the voice of calm in any storm. :kiss: :heart:

[jonthepain]

.....


The most important miracle I can expect and count on each day is the freedom from my addiction. I can trust that if I stay close to God, the miracle will be repeated, one day at a time.

[DarkSkies]

Yup Jon. :d






Honesty is the best policy.
--David Tuvill

Newcomer

I've heard people talk about "firing" their sponsors, about sponsors "firing" their sponsees. I find that term disillusioning I thought we were here to help one another.

Sponsor

Human relationships change, for all sorts of reason, and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that reality. Sponsors, like sponsees, are just people in recovery, growing and working the Steps; we don't always handle things perfectly. One sponsor may take on more than he or she is really prepared to handle; with phone calls coming day and night from an overload of sponsees, frequency or quality of communication may be inadequate. Another sponsor may enjoy being bossy and have trouble recognizing the difference between passing on program experience and trying to impose his or her will in areas where personal choice is appropriate. A sponsor may discover that a sponsee lacks the desire for recovery or has significant problems in an area in which the sponsor has no experience.

When differences are resolved by talking and listening, relationships grow and deepen. Are we avoiding necessary confrontation with ourselves or others? Or does growth, this time, mean that it's appropriate to separate? Honesty, courage, and love are qualities that help us make transitions in our relationships.

Today, my willingness to grow enhances my relationships with others.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Depression and Despair

Do we go about our daily work dutifully but joylessly? Have we settled for less in our jobs, homes, or relationships than we want? Have we substituted financial security or physical comfort for the freedom to pursue our heart's desires?

Very few of us give ourselves the opportunities to explore our real interests and potentials. We "lock" ourselves into rigid ways of regarding the world and our options. We often settle for less than our highest aspirations because we have conditioned ourselves into thinking life is joyless endurance or survival at best.

In order to change the empty circumstances in our lives we need to change our limited thinking patterns. Instead of looking at life as a prison, we can view it as a smorgasbord of opportunities that are well within our reach. By exploring and sampling the choices before us we can discover which choices bring us inner satisfaction and increase our sense of purpose.

TODAY I will remind myself of what Roman philosopher Seneca said hundreds of years ago, "The great blessings of mankind are within us, and within our reach..."





As they mention above, it's all about perspective.
Is the glass half-empty, or half-full? :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

People have always wanted to talk to me about their problems. I guess I'm a good listener. Maybe I have something to contribute after all.
--Joann Reed

No one is without value in this life. Maybe we haven't discovered our unique purpose or special gifts, but we each have a place in the universe or we wouldn't be here.

Each of us can offer friends a valuable gift every day - we can listen. Messages from our Higher Power often come through the words of others. We perform a wonderful service for our companions by listening and by sharing our own experience and advice.

Rapt attention - giving it and receiving it - is perhaps the most valuable contribution any of us can make. Let's never underestimate the sacredness of listening.

I will keep my own mind quiet if a friend wants to share concerns today. That way, my heart may be able to offer wisdom.



God gave us 2 ears, and one mouth. Listening is a valuable skill. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We have the power to direct our minds to replace the feelings of being upset, depressed, and fearful with the feeling of inner peace.
--Gerald G. Jampolsky

Learning to identify negative thoughts is a powerful way to begin changing our negative behavior. We always think before we act, even if the thinking has become automatic.

As we become committed to being aware of negative thoughts, we can stop, take a deep breath, and repeat a positive affirmation. Practicing this process will actually change the way we feel about ourselves. By thinking about positive things, we can change how we feel about a situation and about ourselves, too. Now, life has more promise, more joy.



Negativity and negative thinking won't get us on the path we need to be on. I have a few people I've known who are always walking around in a negative cloud. As I continue in my sobriety I've tried to avoid them.

[DarkSkies]

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
-- Seneca

When we reach a stressful time in our lives, our vision gets narrow. We fail to see the options and possibilities we have. If we give ourselves over to our worries and fears, our sight closes down even further. Finally, we reach the point of blindness to reality and to all the support around us. In our fearful blindness we say with conviction, "This is too difficult! There is nothing I can do."

Spiritual people strive to keep one eye on the horizon, even in a worrisome situation. They breathe deeply so they do not tighten up or close off their exchange with the world. They return to the relationship they have with their Higher Power, trusting the process to carry them through - and they open their eyes to quietly take in the possibilities before them.

Close to my Higher Power, I have a place of calm in the midst of difficulty and see the possibilities and dare to act upon them.




Amen.

[DarkSkies]

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
--Oscar Wilde

According to a Japanese legend, two monks were walking down the road when they saw a finely dressed young woman standing before a large mud puddle. She explained that she had no way of crossing the water without ruining her clothes. Without saying a word, the first monk picked her up in his arms and lifted her safely across the obstacle.

A few hours later the second monk said in an accusatory tone, "How could you have picked up that lady? Don't you know that the rules strictly forbid us to touch a member of the opposite sex?" His friend smiled and then replied, "I put the woman down back at the puddle. Are you still carrying her?"

Like the second monk, many of us are still carrying old hurts, resentments, and lost opportunities that we picked up many mud puddles ago. As long as we remain stuck in the past, we cannot fully hear the inner voice, which speaks to us in the present. Thus, in order to tap our intuition, we need to release and heal our unfinished business.

By following the example of the first monk, we can put the past down and walk on. See your past experiences as teachings that have guided you to this present moment. An endless array of opportunities and possibilities lie before you. Immerse yourself in this good, and the old hurts will have no place left to make their home.




Some people may interpret this different ways. If there are people who have stepped on, wronged, or taken advantage of you, why is it OK to accept that, or forgive them?

That's not the way I read the above passages. I was having a conversation with someone about this the other day. There will always be people out there who want to take and take. They don't know how to give. They blame others for their problems and only think of themselves when dealing with others. You can find those people in lots of places. I have them in my family, I'm sure some of you do as well.

Focusing on transgressions from the past is a negative waste of energy.

The key is to avoid the users in life, look for like-minded people, and seek to enrich your circle with positive people. Don't take the bait when someone tries to involve you in negative choices. Easier said than done for some, but if you keep at it, it will eventually enrich your life. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

We celebrate our own independence this day and each day from the time we came into this program. No greed for gain, no fees, no thought of profit, no political allegiances. What we rejoice about is our returned rationality and regeneration as persons able to live normal lives. The things we accomplish for ourselves and others come from the Higher Power and twelve basic steps. Am I rejoicing today for my independence from turmoil and distress?

MEDITATION FOR THE DAY

What is sometimes termed conversion in religion is often the discovery of God as a friend during time of need. What is sometimes termed religion is the experiencing of the help and strength of God's power in our lives. As God becomes our friend, we become friends to others. We experience true human friendship, and from this experience we can realize that God is our miracle-working Friend.

PRAYER FOR THE DAY

I pray that I may think of God as a Great Friend in time of need. I pray that I may follow wherever God leads me.










Happy 4th of July, everyone! :HappyWave: :fishing:

[jonthepain]

my little girl died today, july 4, 1984

:(

i'm sorry baby:(

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Opening Ourselves to Love

Open ourselves to the love that is available to us.

We do not have to limit our sources of love. God and the Universe have an unlimited supply of what we need, including love.

When we are open to receiving love, we will begin to receive it. It may come from the most surprising places, including from within ourselves.

We will be open to and aware of the love that is and has been there for us all along. We will feel and appreciate the love from friends. We will notice and enjoy the love that comes to us from family.

We will be ready to receive love in our special love relationships too. We do not have to accept love from unsafe people - people who will exploit us or with whom we dont wan't to have relationships.
But there is plenty of good love available - love that heals our heart, meets our needs, and makes our spirit sing.

We have denied ourselves too long. We have been martyrs too long. We have given so much and allowed ourselves to receive too little. We have paid our dues. It is time to continue the chain of giving and receiving by allowing ourselves to receive.

Today, I will open myself to the love that is coming to me from the Universe. I will accept it and enjoy it when it comes.




Love can come in many forms and ways. We tend to think of love as romantic, or something between a man and woman. However, if you look around, you can find people who live you for who you are, and are willing to listen when things seem bleak.

Love doesn't always manifest itself by words, rather actions can show it as well, Love can be one friend helping another, or taking the time to be there when someone is in a jam. :learn:

Reach out and tell someone you love them today, :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

my little girl died today, july 4, 1984

:(

i'm sorry baby:(

Jon, I know we've talked about this in the past. I didn't realize yesterday was the date. I'm sad too. :(

The losses we have sometimes get a little easier over time, but they still hang heavy in our hearts just the same. It's hard for someone to understand exactly how someone else feels about losing a loved one unless they've been there as well. I can agree, it's like a hole in your heart that never goes away.

The best consolation I can offer when I talk to anyone about a loss like that is to remember their life, celebrate it by relating the stories we are comfortable hearing. For some, not mentioning the people who have passed on works for them. That's great, whatever works.... works. :thumbsup:

I try to bring up a few memories every anniversary when it's getting close to the time someone in my family or circle of friends passed away. That helps me get through it.

I don't know if the above words made any sense to you, as I said each person is different.

Nonetheless, just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss, my friend.

[DarkSkies]

Why I don't drink any more....

Sent in by Rip-Plugger, thanks!


Subject: Fwd: Drinking and yoga provide similar benefits


Recent research confirms that drinking gives you
the same benefits
yoga
does !!!

Savasana
Position of total relaxation.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/ryhLkc9fD65WzlSuTTwJmu2QO6Xn4Qs50xS6SH8E5xJiw00OcN r6df3HGZB8/2FB144B70E8E46D08C5E1A4420681B.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/gMNpPvZJVhOivLesW2ggQsZlRToiSYTAhDX3PEuGQThfjI383Y OoO3ZhawFZ/3478E3633DE84564B9CD760489FF60.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/MPE1R4hatbKkGAk5zXRmFmxefXwhMMtdiVNe0oPtrEN4eMGMxE aCJx5ZPHZT/3C99B67553DE4AB7B9B8F19D88B831.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/rrncQbggGA44sY6ta2Fhfx9oLrFblNUiwpZ3Yoh8Q3DB2oxvle 3GmisykV3s/50AA9D6EE5AC47D6B6893FD709422B.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Halasana
Excellent for back pain and insomnia.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/m6YcDG0Lo80EamPItBYgjAlaeQmstY2e0QJ05Kx6cGrstgwRrC qHCHMT5Rcx/BAD544282A7941D29DBDC759F38DDB.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Dolphin
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/HV9jfN1e5scuuiq5GtH3TrTp0mPmnLgX5VwV2Ihz6AltW3tZKx aGCtANMT0x/45E3B84DA15C4C7F8FFAB43561B19A.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Salambhasana
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/AdpfRtKwkZYM53Jp8QRtDDPHAGXmasSQ4KapPhQ5SrbjIJRuCk 7TacIUZUbh/DB409775E1FD4E478607603DEBBCE0.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Ananda Balasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/FgJDzWAwgtydUwKrnE0Y2davpiL9sW3hhK0DFUhrBAndUtHvGA djJi9f9pxz/2C890C1508BD4CA38218A445CD0F4A.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
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Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.
http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/postoutter/f4lgqdxo2GRVZdCT1vIe4olPKHXFrkzySJ6fXVI2wHNoGqjI5V kpT5MkPCbl/514E9106915F4B0BA25230FEAAC6F1.jpeg.scaled.500.jpg Click to view large (http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)
(http://postoutter.posterous.com/fw-fwd-drinking-and-yoga-provide-similar-bene#)


Pigeon
Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.






I could have been the model for any of those pics, back in my drinkin days...:embarassed:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

There is nothing else that can expand the human soul, actualize the human potential for growth, or bring a person into the full possession of life more than a love which is unconditional.
-- John Powell, S.J.

A garden tended by loving hands reaps succulent fruits. Our attention to family and friends, when offered lovingly, likewise reaps rewards for all of us. Our efforts are not soon forgotten by us or our loved ones. Each loving act we express finds its home, in another's heart as well as our own.

The decision to love someone unconditionally is simply made - and yet it takes daily persistent effort. How quickly we forget the promised benefits. Each day a gentle reminder is needed.

"I will love wholly and nurture the fuller development of someone special." This one commitment, carried out, guarantees two vital, growing souls.

[DarkSkies]

A life without discipline is a life without joy.
-- Muriel B.

Wait a minute. Isn't joy a matter of doing what we want? Isn't freedom the state of never having to do what we don't want to do? And isn't discipline - which we learned from our parents - the burden of having to do what we don't want to do?

Actually, joy is the freedom to do what needs to be done. And gaining that freedom takes discipline. Why? Without discipline, we usually end up doing what is familiar to us. And our experience clearly tells us that old thinking and old behaviors bring us anything but joy.

It takes discipline to say no when we need to - when every fiber of our being may be urging us to give in again. It takes discipline to stand up and be counted when our pattern has been to fade into the wallpaper and blend in with any situation.

Discipline isn't easy or fun, but it's the best friend we can have. To practice self-discipline is to move through our days with a sure sense that we'll get where we're going.

Today I will remember that self-discipline is in myself.



Sometimes we have to make tough choices, with the path we're on, with the places we frequent, with the company we keep....discipline helps us to stay true to that path.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We have our time together

Sometimes we feel bad because we cannot afford all the things we need or want. Whether or not we have all we want, we can get lost in the quest for material possessions and the happiness we think they will bring.

These thoughts can carry us toward a narrow and cold view of life. But we can return to the spontaneous life that surrounds us. Squirrels still chase each other through the grass. Children still engage in fanciful conversations. The joy of music can still enrich our lives. We have our time together and our imagination. When we take the time to enjoy our connection and express our love, we discover riches of far greater value than material items.

Take this moment to look around you to notice the simple things that give you pleasure.








Money doesn't buy happiness. It can offer us a means to buy things to enjoy in our leisure time, and can offer us more leisure time. However, being poor has its benefits. I can attest to that. When you have limited income at times in your life, it shows you that you can still enjoy the moments when you do have time, and you don't need a gazillion dollars of gadgets to do it.

To me, people are what help to make those the good moments in life. That's a good thing to focus on, especially in today's tough economic times. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

I thought I would post this up for some of those out there who are wondering how you figure out if you have alcohol or drug problems, or not.




Posted: 07/09/2010 01:00:00 AM MDT





EDITOR'S NOTE: As Alcoholics Anonymous celebrates its 75th anniversary, we asked one of its members to write about the group and how he came to join. Following in the tradition of the organization, he is using his first name only. ——— My name is Chas. I'm an alcoholic.

I stumbled into my first AA meeting in fall 1997. I had been a hard drinker for 20 years and a serious drunk for the last 10. I had lost my job, was about to lose my family and was having serious health problems. My doctors said I had to stop drinking.

That was impossible. Life without alcohol was unimaginable. I had been an anxious, jumpy kid and a shy, morose teenager, and for decades I'd suffered from depression and panic attacks. Drinking wasn't a problem but a solution: Booze made me feel normal.

Over time, I required a lot of it — beer before breakfast, to steady my nerves, then one to two fifths of vodka through the day and deep into the night.

I no longer enjoyed it. I needed it. But I knew it was killing me.
For years I had tried to stop drinking, or at least slow down. I tried exercise and acupuncture, self-help books and special diets. I was prescribed psycho-pharmaceuticals and spent hours with psychiatrists.

I tried everything but AA, and I wasn't about to try that. My father had gotten sober with AA's help. So had all three of my younger brothers and my one living uncle. I was happy for them, but I knew it wouldn't work for me. I wasn't a joiner. I detested the idea of group therapy. I was allergic to organized religion and any concept of God.
I thought AA was a sort of spiritual Ponzi scheme — half Scientology, half Tupperware party. :rolleyes:

But alcohol brought me to my knees — nearly literally. By the time I turned 42, I was in constant pain and couldn't walk without a cane.

The doctors said I needed two hip replacements, but they wouldn't operate unless I quit drinking for two months.

I hadn't gone that long without liquor since junior high school, and I'd proved I couldn't stay sober on my own. So I did the unthinkable: I called a friend who was sober and said, "I need to go to one of those meetings." We went to a church in the Valley. I sat and listened for an hour.

I heard nothing that moved me or gave me hope. The bumper-sticker wisdom of the program was idiotic. The ardent cheerfulness of the group was repellent. The emphasis on God, or a Higher Power, was offensive. :don't know why:

I hung my head and told my friend I was wasting his time. I wasn't going to read the book "Alcoholics Anonymous," get a sponsor, work any steps or pray to a God I didn't believe in.
My friend said, "That's OK. Can you go home and try not to drink tonight?" I said I could try. "Can I take you to a meeting tomorrow?" I said he could. "That's all you have to do," he said.

"Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous." Seventy-five years ago, two drunks — Bill, a failed New York stockbroker, and Bob, a disgraced Ohio proctologist — had a similar conversation. Bill had discovered that talking to other alcoholics about his alcohol problem diminished his need to drink. He helped Bob stop drinking, and together they began working with others. A few weeks later their first successful convert, a Kentucky man known as Bill D., took his last drink. Their friendship turned into the fellowship that turned into AA, probably the most significant social movement of the 20th century.

I didn't take a drink that first night. My friend took me to a meeting the next day, and the next. Slowly, reluctantly, I admitted I was powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable. I came to believe that some power greater than myself — the meetings, the program, God, whatever — might be able to help me with my problem, if I was willing. I became willing.

The doctors replaced my hips. My wife and children didn't leave. My health returned. I published my first book, then another. I got back on the tennis court, started motorcycling again and took up snowboarding.

I got an AA sponsor and worked the 12 steps. I determined to live my life on a spiritual basis, made a written inventory of my errors and misdeeds, made restitution where possible, then tried to show other suffering alcoholics how they might recover too. In time I began to feel a sense of peace, ease and happiness that I had never known. I haven't had a drink in almost 13 years.
I don't know why that happened. Most alcoholics never make it to AA, and many who make it don't stay sober. But I know how it happened.

That's what I share with the newcomers I meet at the meetings I still attend: what I was like, what I did about it, and what I'm like now.

That's what I hear from others too, men and women, gay and straight, older than I and younger, with more sober time and less, talking frankly about their struggles and their solutions. Some were gutter drunks who'd lost it all; others were Hollywood honchos who'd lost nothing except their souls. Almost all of them came through the door as I did, broken and brought to their knees. Almost all of those who stayed, and succeeded, surrendered to the program and worked the steps.

Last weekend more than 40,000 of them, from 90 countries, gathered in San Antonio to celebrate their independence from alcohol and to mark AA's anniversary. They were part of a worldwide fellowship of, according to AA's figures, more than 2 million sober alcoholics — about 1.2 million in the U.S. — who meet regularly.

At the birthday celebration, members talked about their drinking, and the miracle of their not drinking. In the end, that's their weapon against alcoholism, and the simple, elegant secret of AA that Bill and Bob discovered in 1935: One alcoholic talking to another can keep two drunks sober.
——— More information about Alcoholics Anonymous can be found at http://www.aa.org (http://www.aa.org/).

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

And if not now, when?
--The Talmud

It's so easy to put things off. Sometimes we're like Scarlet O'Hara, who hoped and dreamed for a better life by saying, "There's always tomorrow." But is there always a tomorrow? If we live too many of our days counting on tomorrows, we may find ourselves putting off achievements and growth now.

What if tomorrow never came? What if all of our time to do what we wanted was put in the hours left in today? We'd be scurrying around like mice trying to cram as much as we could into this short period of time. But today, not having such a deadline, we believe our time is endless and no goal or task is so important that it can't be put off.

The time to achieve is now. The time to live is now. For as long as we believe tomorrow will come, we'll be living for tomorrow. If we don't believe today is the greatest gift we could receive, we'll never know how to live for today. Everything we want to achieve, to learn, to share can begin today. If we don't live the best we can right now, then when?

Higher Power, help me learn to use my time wisely. Help me avoid putting things off.








Amen to that one! :clapping::thumbsup:

Today is my sobriety anniversary, something like 20+ years. :eek:
All done, one day at a time. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
--Antoine de St. Exupery

A tuning fork is a small tool that is used to tune musical instruments. It is tapped softly and then set down. As it vibrates, it gives off a musical tone. When its vibrations perfectly match the vibrations of the note played on the instrument, the instrument is in tune. When the note matches the tuning fork, this can be both felt and heard.

Our hearts work like a tuning fork. When the heart feels completely in tune with a decision or thought or action in our lives, then we know it is the right one for us. We can actually feel the harmony inside our bodies.

Sometimes what we know deep in our hearts gets clouded over by doubts and questions and other people's opinions and judgments. We need to clear away such clouds and listen to our hearts, for our hearts carry the wisdom of God.

Am I in tune with my heart today?




Amen!

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Love doesn't just sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made all the time, made new.
--Ursula K. Le Guin

We love to be loved; we love to be held; we love to be caressed. A show of appreciation we love too. And we love to know we've been heard. The friends, the spouses, the children in our lives want the same from us. Like a garden that needs water, sun, weeding to nurture the growth, so does love need attending to. To become whole and healthy people, we need tender nurturing. And we also need to give away what we get. Those we nurture will bless our growth.

Love is dynamic, not static. It is always changing, and it always changes those it enfolds. Since coming into this program where the sharing of oneself, the open expression of love, is profoundly evident, we each have changed. And our presence has changed others. We have learned to accept love and give it. But better yet, we have learned that we deserve love.

I will look around me today at others, and I will remember my growth and theirs depends on loving and being loved. I will reach out. I can make love new.



This is good advice for anyone who's in a relationship. There are times when we may come to take the other person for granted. That's dangerous, and somewhat lazy. Even though we may think that a marrriage or relationship may seem routine after awhile, it's up to us to remind ourselves why we fell in love with that person in the first place. I think some couples let the fun seep out of a relationship, like helium seeping out of a balloon.

Your job, as 1/2 of that partnership, is to keep that balloon filled with the helium of fun and adventure. :thumbsup:

[dogfish]

Today is my sobriety anniversary, something like 20+ years. :eek:
All done, one day at a time. :thumbsup:

Hey, congratulations. I don't know how ya do it.:clapping::clapping::clapping:

[DarkSkies]

Hey, congratulations. I don't know how ya do it.:clapping::clapping::clapping:

Thanks, Dogfish. :HappyWave:You can reach many goals in this life. One day at a time is the ticket. ;) :thumbsup:



Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Problems are opportunities for stretching our minds.

Wringing our hands over circumstances gone awry wastes our energy. In any twenty-four hours we will experience many situations that will evolve according to God's plan, rather than our own. We'd feel our spirits being lifted if we could assume that any ripple in a day's activities is simply God's way of reminding us that outcomes are not ours to orchestrate.

As we grow accustomed to a broader range of perspectives than just our own, we become more aware of the multiplicity of views. This stretches our minds, teaching us to see in new and valuable ways. It is no accident that each of us brings a unique contribution and personal viewpoint to the table. God's design has gathered us together to learn from one another.

I will appreciate other people's viewpoints today. It is part of God's plan for my growth.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by Finchaser, I thought it would fit here best. :thumbsup:




http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_mWbpIecg-10/TDnknrJy6XI/AAAAAAAAN9k/AX4qeHRooBM/s320/marine.jpeg (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_mWbpIecg-10/TDnknrJy6XI/AAAAAAAAN9k/AX4qeHRooBM/s1600/marine.jpeg)
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

“Good Heavens!” said the horrified teacher. “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”

“Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking.”

[speedy]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

And if not now, when?
--The Talmud

It's so easy to put things off. Sometimes we're like Scarlet O'Hara, who hoped and dreamed for a better life by saying, "There's always tomorrow." But is there always a tomorrow? If we live too many of our days counting on tomorrows, we may find ourselves putting off achievements and growth now.

What if tomorrow never came? What if all of our time to do what we wanted was put in the hours left in today? We'd be scurrying around like mice trying to cram as much as we could into this short period of time. But today, not having such a deadline, we believe our time is endless and no goal or task is so important that it can't be put off.

The time to achieve is now. The time to live is now. For as long as we believe tomorrow will come, we'll be living for tomorrow. If we don't believe today is the greatest gift we could receive, we'll never know how to live for today. Everything we want to achieve, to learn, to share can begin today. If we don't live the best we can right now, then when?

Higher Power, help me learn to use my time wisely. Help me avoid putting things off.








Amen to that one! :clapping::thumbsup:

Today is my sobriety anniversary, something like 20+ years. :eek:
All done, one day at a time. :thumbsup:W T G BRO THAT IS GREAT
:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping: :clapping::plastered::plastered::plastered::plaste red::plastered::plastered:

[DarkSkies]

Thanks Speedy! :HappyWave:



Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Pray to God, row to shore.
-- Anonymous

The sign in the antique store showed a fisherman in a rowboat being tossed about in a storm. The message was clear: the fisherman may have great faith, but now was not the time to put away the oars and kneel in prayer - it was time to pray and row!

Sometimes we find ourselves in a storm of trouble, a sea of problems, and we want God to get us out. We may even pray, "God, get me out of this mess." But like the man in the rowboat, the way out is not just by praying to God. The way out is to pray, ask for help, and take action - do something to help ourselves.

Praying to God won't keep us sober if we don't also go to Twelve Step meetings. Praying to God to heal our relationships with others won't help unless we're willing to make amends. Health and recovery are a combination of prayer, communication with our Higher Power, and a commitment to do our part.

Today help me to pray and take action.

[Pebbles]

That is certainly something that we should all be living by. I have been so busy and cranky lately that I have forgotten to stop and smell the roses.

Thanks for the reminder.

[rip316]

Good job Dark. Proud of you man.

[DarkSkies]

Good job Dark. Proud of you man.

Thanks bro. :HappyWave:


That is certainly something that we should all be living by. I have been so busy and cranky lately that I have forgotten to stop and smell the roses.

Thanks for the reminder.

Ah, yer too hard on yourself, sweetheart. I'm the King Crab of crabbiness, (maybe second to Finchaser ;)), so if you're a little cranky once in awhile, it's no big deal. Thanks for puttin up with me. :heart:

The roses are there every day...all we have to do is look for them. :kiss:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

No tap dancing around problems

Our program calls for a "searching and fearless" moral inventory, not only in the beginning, but as we continue to follow our new way of life.

What this means is complete honesty about who and what we really are. We should not tap dance around our problems in order to evade responsibility. This will not bring the cleansing we need for real sober living. We need deep changes, not mere surface ones.

Difficult as it is to be fully honest, it's made easier when we remind ourselves that it's all for our own recovery. We benefit in proportion to the amount of honesty we bring to our inventory. If it's searching and fearless, the results will be far-reaching and substantial.

I will not shirk from facing the truth about myself as I go through the day. What I need for self-improvement will be revealed to me.








This speaks to me because I have family members who I have to deal with regularly, who haven't a clue about getting honest. Everything is everybody else's fault, negativity is rampant, and criticism flows like a heavy summer rain. :don't know why:

If you have people like this in your family or circle of friends, the best strategy is to avoid them as much as possible.

Some people are so whacked out they'll never change. It's important to learn to recognize the difference in life between mature adults and users who are geared toward manipulating others and avoiding responsibility. If you can do that and act accordingly, your life will be much more enjoyable.

Also, this will allow you to focus on taking a moral inventory of yourself. As time goes by in our sobriety, we tend to get complacent. We need to look within ourselves regularly to assess the honesty we have with ourselves and others, That's one of the building blocks of continued sobriety. :learn:

[jonthepain]

Today is my sobriety anniversary, something like 20+ years. :eek:

Congrats, Rich!!!

sorry i missed that post; i've been down the outer banks w/no internet.

wtg! you're an inspiration to more people than you'll ever know.

jc

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Worry and Stress

"Make plans but don't plan results." This is a simple phrase cautioning us against unnecessary worry and stress.

If our plans involve other people, we would be wise to work joyfully toward realizing our dreams, but we should not expect or worry if others do not want the same goals. Nor should we worry if others are not as enthused about our ideas as we are. We know, by applying the Serenity Prayer, that we can only change ourselves; we cannot force changes in others.

Another cause of unnecessary stress in planning results comes from our ingrained habit of regarding ourselves as inadequate. All too often, those of us who make plans give up on ourselves when we predict the outcome of our dreams on the basis of our past experiences. We falsely conclude that because we failed or felt empty in the past, we'll most certainly not succeed in the future; thus, we quit too soon and rationalize our resignation with a "Why bother to try?" attitude.

TODAY I will make plans but not plan results. I will work out my plan, one day at a time, knowing that my past performance is NOT an infallible indicator of my present or future success. I will look forward with hope, not despair.




My family is filled with people who have this attitude, excuses and rationalizations for failing to attempt something.

Those who try... may fail OR achieve their goals.

Those who fail to try will achieve nothing. If this descibes family or people in your circle of friends, it's time to distance yourself from that and look for positive people. Stick with the winners. :learn:

[surfstix1963]

Amen to that Rich stick to the positive people because the rest will bring you down real quick.:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

^^ Amen to that Surfstix, we both have had our encounters with people who offer nothing but negativity. :thumbsup:


Today's reading seemed to relate to that:

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Nobody's family can hang out the sign, "Nothing's the matter here."
--Chinese Proverb

None of us come from a perfect family, but if we have any family at all, it's worth the effort to see what there is to enjoy about it. Sometimes it's difficult or impossible, because there's been so much damage. If there's really nothing left, we have to look for family in the fellowship of other sober people.

A family is not always people who are blood related. A family can be people who are so committed to the growth of each other and the relationship that they've become brothers and sisters of a sort. A family is two or more people who care deeply for one another and who are comfortable with each other. We can choose to surround ourselves with others who we feel this way about.

Today let me recognize something good in my family and work at building a relationship.




The above speaks to me because I have the dysfunctional family issues that many others have to face. My family, through deaths, divorces, and job changes, is spread throughout the US. I've tried to be the one who calls and checks in on the older relatives every now and then, and I enjoy doing it.

That's because in my own immediate family there's too much dysfunctionality, from lies, manipulation, avoiding responsibility, and denial, that spending any time near some of these people is like being in a rehab boot camp for a week.:burn: It's frustrating to be around people who thrive on negativity.

That's one of the reasons I'm probably good at spotting deceitful people, both in real life and in cyberspace. I tend to have no respect for manipulative people, that's just the way I am due to my background. I make no apologies for that, I'm happy to pick out and avoid people who I find to be manipulative or have a hidden agenda.



Some points here....
1.Salvage your family relationships if you can.
2. Realize that some disputes are petty and should be resolved.
3. If family members are dysfunctional, but aging or ill, ask yourself how you would feel if they died tomorrow with unresolved issues outstanding between you?
4. Make every effort you can to give family special consideration.

Most importantly, learn to recognize that some relationships will always be 1 sided, Do your best to walk away from toxic people, before their toxicity starts to influence you.


Bear in mind that some non-family members can, over time, take the place of dysfunctional family members. I try to think about that regularly. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif There are some people outside of my family, and here, :HappyWave: who I have warmer feelings about than my own blood, I think that was something that naturally evolved from being sick and tired of dealing with whiners and negative people.

So even if you think your family's the worst in the world, remember you can always add people into your circle to replace them. And you'll be a lot healthier for doing so. :thumbsup:

[baitstealer]

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step."

Going through some heavy changes in my life right now. Thanks for the post I needed to hear that.

[DarkSkies]

Baitstealer, sometimes it's not the task ahead that drags us down, it's the inertia to get started on the path.

I've been doing some work that will hopefully bring me and Pebbles into a more secure future. It took forever to get the momentum to start. Once I did, I realized it wasn't so bad. Startiing, that was the hard part. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

PM me anytime you want to discuss things in confidentiality. :HappyWave:


**************************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Whatever men attempt, they seem driven to overdo.
--Bernard Baruch

It's usually very difficult for us to bring balance into our lives. We may find it hard not to put in overtime at work. We may be obsessed about housework or yard work to the extent that we work long hours at it. Whatever we do, whatever we have, whatever we want, it's usually not enough for us.

Any activity or commitment needs a certain amount of time, concentration, and energy. But some of us may be too absorbed in physical fitness to notice we are always tense, always on the go. Some of us may be so obsessed with money that we take on additional work, not noticing we are often hard to get along with. Some of us may be so fascinated by a hobby that we ignore people in our lives who need our time and attention, too.

We need to recognize the obsessive areas of our lives and begin to make changes. It may mean assigning time limits to different activities. Or it may mean altering our schedules, even letting go of an activity. Now is the time to begin to bring balance into our lives, gently and gradually.

I know I need more balance in my life. What are some changes I can make to bring the scales more in balance?



This definitely speaks to me. I have always had issues balancing things in my life.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Pity is the deadliest feeling that can be offered to a woman.
--Vicki Baum

We must move forward with confidence, trusting that the strength we need will be given us, having faith in our visions to guide us. Problems need not daunt us. Rather, they can spur us on to more creative activity. They challenge our capabilities. They insist that we not stand still.

Pity from others fosters inaction, and passivity invites death of the soul. Instead, our will to live is quickened through others' encouragement. All else dampens the will. Pity feeds the self-pity that rings the death knell.

We can give strokes wherever we are today and know that we are helping someone live. And each time we reach out to encourage another, we are breathing new life into ourselves, new life that holds at bay the self-pity that may appear at any moment.

We can serve one another best, never by commiserating with sadnesses, but by celebrating life's challenges. They offer the opportunities necessary to our continued growth.

Someone needs a word of encouragement from me. I will brighten their vision of the future.



A kind word, some praise, a few minutes to listen to problems that might be vexing a friend and dragging them down....you never know how valuable these gifts can be to someone who might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Take a few extra minutes, give it a shot, you could make a world of difference. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Had to let go of an old friend...the sad thing is, Toby was an enormous part of my life for many many years, but i lost track of him. It turns out he died 2 years ago, of liver cancer.

I just found out last night.

Another one bites the dust.

[DarkSkies]

Had to let go of an old friend...the sad thing is, Toby was an enormous part of my life for many many years, but i lost track of him. It turns out he died 2 years ago, of liver cancer.

I just found out last night.

Another one bites the dust.

That sucks, Jon. Liver cancer, pancreatic cancer, all cancers in that area are terrible, you have some hope but it's an uphill battle against the odds.

I'm so sorry to hear the news. Thoughts and prayers for his family, and for you on the loss of your old friend. :(

[clamchucker]

Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, jon. Condolences.

[jonthepain]

Thanks guys.

feel like hell that I didn't keep in touch.

the story is, is that he found out he had it and died a week later.

crap.

[DarkSkies]

Thanks guys.

feel like hell that I didn't keep in touch.


I've had that feeling too Jon. Sometimes I get wrapped up in work and lose touch with people. We're only human. What's done is done. I feel you're a pretty reliable guy for keeping in touch with people all around. If you think you could have done better, only you know the extent of that. Maybe you could use that to help you in the circle of people you now know.

No sense beating yourself up for it, as long as we learn and move on. Again, sorry for your loss. :(

*****************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Words are the voice of the heart.
--Confucius

What does my heart have to say today? Am I happy? Or am I troubled? We will find this out if we slow down and listen to our words. We can also hear our spirit in the tone of our words.

We are to meditate. Meditation is about slowing down so we can hear what our spirit is trying to tell us. Meditation is listening. Our spirit is but a quiet whisper inside us. To hear it we must quiet ourselves.

Slowing down allows us to find our center. As we find our center we find our spirit and our Higher Power.

Do I take the time needed to slow myself down? Do I take the time to listen - to listen to my heart?

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, teach me to slow down. Teach me to listen. Teach me to hear Your whispers as well as Your yells.

Action for the Day

Today, I will take a half hour to slow down and listen. I will find a place to relax and listen to my heart and my words.

[surfstix1963]

Had to let go of an old friend...the sad thing is, Toby was an enormous part of my life for many many years, but i lost track of him. It turns out he died 2 years ago, of liver cancer.

I just found out last night.

Another one bites the dust.
Sorry for your loss Jon.My grandmother always told me everything happens for a reason good or bad but I'll be damned if I can figure it out.

[jonthepain]

My grandmother always told me everything happens for a reason good or bad but I'll be damned if I can figure it out.

:laugh:

that made my day

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The smallest seed of faith is better than the largest fruit of happiness.
--Henry David Thoreau

Life's crises seem terrifying and endless when they are happening. As we reflect on these stressful periods, we begin to realize that they provide a chance for change and growth. We get a feeling of hope when we think back to past problems that seemed like mountains of despair at the time. Today, many of our mountains of fear are behind us. We have been able to climb these mountains in our lives even though we may have had to take different paths than we had planned.

Now we know that, with faith, we can meet every challenge - that we are given no obstacle we can't turn into an opportunity.

Today let me be willing to let my Higher Power lead me in an orderly direction.



That's something I needed to see today. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif








Sorry for your loss Jon.My grandmother always told me everything happens for a reason good or bad but I'll be damned if I can figure it out.

Yeah life takes a dump on us, we get up.
Life takes another dump on us, we get back up again. :burn:
That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

When a person drowns himself in negative thinking he is committing an unspeakable crime against himself.
-- Maxwell Maltz

Negative thoughts can rule our lives as compulsively as an addiction. The feelings of power we get from holding a dismal and gloomy outlook deprive us of the positive and pleasant parts of life. Some of us have said, "If I expect the worst, I won't be disappointed. If I think the worst about myself, no one else can cut me down." It is like taking a driving trip and looking only for trash and garbage in the ditches, ignoring the beauty beyond. Indeed, what we see may be real, but it is a very limited piece of the picture.

When we have relied on negative thinking, it feels risky to give it up. We cannot do it in one day. We can begin by imagining ourselves with a more open attitude toward ourselves and the world. Then we can try it out as an experiment in little ways, with no commitment. Finally we reach the point where we can take a risk and entrust our Higher Power with the outcome.

Today, I will experiment with hopeful and positive thoughts about what happens.









I can identify with the above because for a good part of my life I've been surrounded by negative thoughts and people. Family, "legacy" friends, and people who have a habit of always thinking of the negativity when you're trying something new, or trying to go down a new path in life. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me "oh that won't work" or "Why would you do that?" , I could have retired already.

This may seem harsh to some, but I consider negative people to be toxic to my life. I try my best to remove these people from my life or minimize contact with them. I realize I also have tendencies to be negative or pessimistic at times. So moving away from negativity benefits me, and allows me to grow as a person. IMO that's critical for one to get on a pathway to maturity and growth.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

A tip-off to an abusive family system is a situation in which nobody ever apologizes.
-- Karen Shaud

When we get a tip-off, we can open the door to a whole new way of looking at the world. The tip-off about apologies can help us learn to have a healthier family. It is hard to apologize, but with practice, it will get easier. We are learning that we can make mistakes, and admit them, and that other people will accept our apologies.
In the same way, we are learning we can accept others' apologies. Apologies are sometimes hard to make. It helps to keep in mind that we make them as much for ourselves and our own growth as for the person we apologize to. We are not worthless just because we make mistakes, but we increase our value to ourselves and others by being able to recognize them and apologize.

Is there an apology I need to make today?





The ability to make apologies when we're wrong, and the humbleness and sincerity behind them, is one of the most valuable skills one can have. Never underestimate the power a sincere "I'm sorry" has to repair a misunderstanding or broken relationship.

The key here is "sincere" Making an apology without meaning it is like watching your favorite movie with only the sound on.

Remember the program principles:
"Half-measures got us nowhere"

Is there an apology you need to make today?

[DarkSkies]

Thoughts and prayers to Jonthepain and his family. Yesterday his son's best friend Justin downed at an outing they all attended at a lake.

It was supposed to be a happy Labor Day celebration, Jordan was a great swimmer. He was engaged to be married and going into the Marines to be a diver, so he knew how to swim well.

I'm always saddened when a person so young (he was 18) has his life tragically taken. Deepest condolences to all of the families, Jon. I said a prayer for them this morning. :(

[BassBuddah]

So very sorry to hear that, guys. May he RIP.

[jonthepain]

thanks for your thoughts and prayers. funeral for Jordan is Saturday.

still in shock.

i can't help but feel that if i had gone along with them monday that it might not have played out like it did. but i worked from home instead.

monday morning when they came downstairs i asked him "how's my #4 son?" (i have 3 sons.) if he wasn't at our house on the weekend, it meant that jeremy was at his house.

they were also on the same football team; i am defensive coordinator and jordan's dad is (was?) special teams coach. we have practice tonight, i have not gone since labor day. i'll go tonight if jeremy is up to it. the team is having decals of his # 41 put on their helmets.

this is a tough one, y'all. have not had an urge to drink, tho, praise God. the wife did tho but did not give in. she's tore up cuz she organized the outing and then she was diving for him right near where he was but could not find him. (she is trained in lifesaving.) the pro divers finally found him an hour and a half later.

messed up that it happened on labor day. it'll make it tough on jeremy and jordan's folks, hard to forget that day when it's on a holiday. i know; my daughter died on the 4th of july.

anyway here's a photo so that you can attach some faces with the names. this is the gang at jeremy's 16th birthday party a year and a half ago. Jordan tackling Jeremy by the ankles, with Anderson piling on and Miguel about to. Miguel's brother Erick's foot.

you all need to pray for Andy Erick and Miguel also.

thanks
jon

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/jordanatjers16th9.jpg

zoa4lGKxbw4

thanks to everybody for your support thru my life's ups and downs, you dont' knwo how much i appreciate it.

[jonthepain]

Pear seeds grow into pear trees, nut seeds into nut trees...

guess which kind of tree the wife figures i've grown into? rofl

[DarkSkies]

guess which kind of tree the wife figures i've grown into? rofl


Aah you're too harsh on yourself. :d
I consider you a mixed nut rather than completely nuts...;) :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

yeah and some of us are more different than others

rich

:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

^^ Hey what can I say bro, they broke the mold! :laugh: :HappyWave:






Today's thought from Hazelden is:

As a child, I walked through the world with wonder and awe. Each day started with a question and ended with a question. I had the mind of a beginner.
--Anonymous

Did you ever notice that children ask the best questions? Why are things the way they are? How do they work? How did we get here? Who made us? Why?

These are the most important questions in life. Most of us never really get our questions answered. We just learn to stop asking people. We act like the things they tell us answer the questions, but they really don't.

Such questions are questions of the spirit. We can ask our Higher Power to help us learn the answers. We can talk with other people who are also interested in these questions and share our thoughts and ideas. Now that we are sober we can even read books that explore these questions. The truth is, we may never understand the answers because we are only human beings. But thinking about these things is good because it helps us be thankful for the mystery of life.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, I know I'll never understand everything, but will You please teach me something interesting today? Thank You.

Today's Action

What have I done lately to learn more about the mystery of life? What is one thing I can do today?

[DarkSkies]

The One Day at a Time concept not only works for sobriety, but can also be used in other areas in our lives. :learn:
And, One day at a time, this thread has reached 5000 views. Not bad for a simple thread about drunks and doing too much drinking and drugging. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years of trying to get other people interested in you.
--Dale Carnegie

We wanted friends, but our addiction wanted all our attention. We had no time to be close to others.

Well, stand aside addiction! The program has taught us that others are important. Our purpose is to help others. People have become what's important to us.

Now we listen to others. We help them do what they want to do, not what we want them to do. We help people instead of use them. Friendship is now a way of life. And another promise of the program becomes a part of us.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me to know that I'm here to help others, not just myself. Through others, I find myself.

Today's Action

Today I'll help someone in the way he or she wants to be helped.




Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has been one of the most motivational books I've read in my life. I read it long ago. Periodically I suggest it to people as a good read when I think they might benefit. Out of all those who I've suggested it to, I think only a few may have taken my advice and read it. Nonetheless. it's a great book, and has helped me understand and relate to others on a much more personal level. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has been one of the most motivational books I've read in my life. I read it long ago. Periodically I suggest it to people as a good read when I think they might benefit. Out of all those who I've suggested it to, I think only a few may have taken my advice and read it. Nonetheless. it's a great book, and has helped me understand and relate to others on a much more personal level. :thumbsup:

i have to reread that, and "How to stop worrying and start living" every couple of years or so.

i was overjoyed when my middle son (21) quoted something from it the other day. i gave them both to him for christmas a few years back.

awesome stuff.

btw one of my favorites is "you can't saw sawdust"

[jonthepain]

maybe cuz i'm drowning in the stuff

[DarkSkies]

^ Whenever ya feel that way, put your hand out, Jon, mine will always be there. :HappyWave:





Today's thought from Hazelden is:

And this above all, to thine own self be true.
And it must follow as night the day,
thou canst not be false to any man.
--Shakespeare

"To thine own self be true." "Live the life you were meant to live." "Be the person you were meant to be." These statements convey a wonderful truth - that when we go inside and trust our intuition, life opens before us. When we ignore our inner leanings, however, trouble arises.

Joe had a love of the outdoors but, like his father, he became addicted to his work. Though he built up a successful law practice, Joe felt creatively stifled and inwardly desolate. One day Joe was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Realizing he had nothing to lose, he decided to pursue his passion and hike the Pacific Coast trail. Six months later, the tumor had disappeared.

Trying to live out somebody else's life script is like putting a size 10 foot into a size 7 shoe. The size simply does not fit. No matter how hard you force yourself to adjust to your situation, the discomfort continues.

Why not start off with the right fit? Acknowledge your unique gifts and talents, as well as your wants and needs. Then seek out situations and circumstances that will allow them their full expression. This route may take time, but the results are worth it - a life of peace and fulfillment that comes from being true to yourself.

[jonthepain]

dittos

ps thanks for the call, sorry i couldn't chat

gg
jc

oh and thanks for the email, btw. next time send some real ones...

rofl

[DarkSkies]

...thanks for the email, btw. next time send some real ones...
rofl

Yup, real ti**ies by e-mail. :kooky:

Ya know if I could figure out a way to do that I would be rich, instead of just named after that "rich" guy. I could fish all day and finally catch that 50# bass. ;) And then, my friend, I would send you a strippergram from Hooters once a week, or pay off your mortgage, whichever caused you to have less sawdust. :HappyWave:


Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Property Lines

A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.

If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative, that is their issue, not ours.

If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.

People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.

People's hopes and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.

If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Their choices are their property, not ours. What people choose to say and do is their business.

What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.

In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.

Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities.



This is a good reminder to all people, not just alcoholics and addicts, that carrying around excess baggage is unhealthy. Try to avoid it where possible. :learn:








I don't pray a lot here, but I'm asking friends of Fin here who read this for a little help. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif

He needs our prayers right now. If you can put something together for God to hear, please try to help. Call or PM me if I haven't called you about this already. Thanks, people.

[jonthepain]

will do...

done.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.
--Hada Bejar

Nothing is more attractive than sharing with others. No trait will be admired as much as generosity. There is no surer way to gain the respect of friends and neighbors than to show by what we give that we care about others.
We can give many things besides money, shelter, clothing, or food to those in need. We can give the rich person love and understanding that money can't buy. We can sympathize with those who are troubled, even though they appear wealthier than ourselves. We can share experience, strength, and hope with those who are ill or unhappy. We can even share our suffering with others who suffer, and hold up a light for them on the road to recovery.

What do I have to give today?




This is a good post because it brings to mind the "salesmen" of the world. The people who patronize someone they don't know very well because they want to make a sale, achieve an objective, or gain some information they might not have access to. All the while pretending they actually care about the person they're talking to, when in reality it's just another manipulative tool in their arsenal.

How much better would it be to actually care about the people you're talking to?
We're all busy, have busy lives. Im always burning the candle at both ends. Time for me is at a premium. It's usually a pleasure for me to get into conversations with people from all walks of life. Most of those are just passing conversations, yet in the short time I get to chat with people I learn about their lives, because I'm genuinely interested in others. I've had tons of good laughs and conversations with people I've met fishing, and elsewhere, that have enriched my life.


So I benefit too, but IMO because of my sincerity. I like hearing stories about the lives of others, and empathizing with them when they're going through tough times. You never know when you might want to reach out and have someone listen to your troubles to give some advice.

Remember that with the little conversations you have with people. Sometimes a little empathy and sincerity can go a long way.

Pebbles and I have had this conversation as well. For those who try to fake it, be advised that others can see right through you, unless you find new victims each time. :learn:



This morning after fishin I got roped into a serious situation and helped a guy save his boat. I also gave him my phone to use, not sure if I would see it again. However, I stopped when I saw the incident, and sincerely asked if he needed help. So while it might have been inconvenient for me to help them, I was the only one there at that time who could do that. It was time to answer the call, and I did, in fact, offer. :d


Do your best to give others a hand, it could be a matter of life and death some day. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Speaking of feelings, feel pretty bad about losing the Championship game yesterday to Greensboro, 14-24. We were up by a touchdown until late in the 4th quarter but couldn't hold on. It was my youngest son's last game, (he's a senior,) so that's it for him, and for coaching football for me. Not exactly earthshaking, but still.

Oh well, another season of life, come and gone. *sigh*

The #41 Jersey is my son's best friend Jordan's jersey, whom you may remember drowned while swimming with us last Labor Day. His dad Tony is the coach standing directly behind me.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/TeamPhoto2.jpg

My boys making a key tackle. This was for the division title. A tough one, but we won 8-6. The deciding score was a safety. Hey, as defensive coordinator, ya gotta love a game that you win by a safety lol.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/hfltilley.jpg

Seth's Pick 6. Our only score that day was made by my Captain and MLB, Seth. That young man plays all-out, every play.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/sethpick6.jpg

The Last Consultation. My son Jeremy (#88, TE) and me, on the left, in the championship loss. :(

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/dadandjer800x.gif

[DarkSkies]

Jon, I gotta tell ya I had tears in my eyes when I read that. I remember when that happened and talking to you about it. The deep sorrow you, your wife, and son had as it happened right before their very eyes.

What a great loss of potential the day Jordan died. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif When a senior or older person dies it hurts just as much, but somehow I feel the loss of a younger person much more deeply. I think of what that person could have done with their life or made of him/herself, and how sad that some of us don't even get the opportunity to pursue dreams of a future.

Painful memories for all of you and his friends and family. Pain that will never go away for some, but can only be minimized by the passage of time.

Yet you and the team managed to honor Jordan by putting his memories up with that pic, via proxy and his old #41 jersey. :thumbsup:
What a great way to keep his memory alive and show tribute.

Thanks for sharing those, Jon.
You're a good Dad, always there for your children. Remember that the next time you're facing a cloudy day. Even though ya didn't win the game, you've instilled values and ethics into your sons by example, and manage to find time to be involved in everything they're involved in. :HappyWave:



And nice action shot of your boys making that tackle.

[jonthepain]

a-hilt, a-hilt

[jonthepain]

that's how they :bucktooth: laugh down here.

[DarkSkies]

^^ I guess I can learn something new every day then, Jon.
(Nope, I won't be making any redneck jokes just yet, give me a week or 2....:d :HappyWave:)


*********


Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Practicing Serenity

We often urge ourselves to hurry up when there's no good reason for it. At such times, all we really do is create needless tension and anxiety.

The slogan "Easy does it" is our answer to such calls to hurry. The slogan suggests that we simply move into the rhythms of life and "go with the flow."

It's not hurrying but steady effort that finally brings achievement. We've had entirely too much hurry and impatience - what we really need is confident, persistent effort in the right direction. We should be specially reminded of this when we see anxious, impatient people speeding through traffic only to be forced to wait at traffic lights, risking life and limb to save a few seconds. A good steady pace is what we need, and it will win the game.

I'll be active today, but not overactive. I'll look for rhythm and efficiency in everything I do.



Here's a confession... I don't always practice "Easy does it", especially when I'm fishin. It's all or nothing. I'm lucky to have people around me who understand that.

[jonthepain]

I'm lucky to have people around me who understand that.


from what i hear about your personal hygiene during the fall run, you're lucky to have people around you at all. :d

[DarkSkies]

^^ It's gotten even worse the last 2 days, Jon. What can I say, it sure as heck ain't embarassing to me, unless you're downwind of me. If I was prey, I would be easy to track. You as a hunter could understand that. :eek: :HappyWave:




Today's thoughts from Hazelden are:

I must change

Spirit of the Universe, I pray to remember,
No one can make me change.
No one can stop me from changing.
No one really knows how I must change,
Not even I. Not until I start.
Help me remember that it only takes a slight shift
In direction to begin to change my life.






but I have changed.... I change my underwear at least once every 2 days now... :laugh: :kooky: :fishing:

[jonthepain]

dude you're scaring me now

[DarkSkies]

^ It's all good, Jon. ;) :HappyWave:




Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Hurts do heal.

Time has a wonderful way of erasing bad feelings and leaving us with good ones. Our memories are selective, and fortunately, the pleasant ones seem to have more staying power. Whatever has been real and meaningful for us tends to remain with us - the rest gradually fades away. We can assist this selective process of memory by consciously letting go of the thoughts and feelings that disturb our serenity.

You might imagine yourself making a package out of a disappointment, your hostility, some hurt feelings, or whatever is hampering your spirit. Wrap the package tightly and ship it off to a Higher Power. Send it airmail, if you like.

Refusing to dwell on our wounds allows them to heal more quickly. In our program, there is no place for self-pity. The reprieve we have from our eating disorder is a daily one, and it depends on our spiritual condition. Gratitude for all the good fortune that comes our way keeps us healthy.

I will remember that what hurts today will pass in time. I can speed its departure by refusing to indulge in self-pity

[DarkSkies]

I took the portion that was given to me and gave it to him.
--The Babylonian Talmud

Newcomer

Are there any rules about how to find a sponsor?

Sponsor

Some meetings have interim sponsorship programs. An interim sponsor works with a newcomer temporarily - a few weeks to a few months - while he or she looks for a regular tong-term sponsor. Sometimes, an interim sponsor becomes the newcomer's regular sponsor, if they both agree to it.

Long-term sponsorship is a relationship of trust, one that's likely to have a significant impact on the process of recovery. It's not a good idea to choose impulsively. When we attend meetings, we listen closely as people qualify or share. We'll hear people who have the serenity and sober experience we ourselves want. If we hear someone we think we'd like to ask to be our sponsor, we try phoning or going out for coffee with him or her first. We soon know whether or not we have the willingness to share and to listen. We sense whether this is someone whose guidance we can trust.

Sponsors should have a minimum of one year of recovery. It's suggested that a sponsor's gender not be that of his or her sponsee's sexual preference, for example, a heterosexual woman generally shouldn't choose a heterosexual male sponsor. It's a suggestion, not a rule, meant to keep the way clear, so that the sponsors and sponsees don't get distracted from their goal. The goal is continued, quality recovery - for both the sponsor and the sponsee.

Today, I welcome a sponsor-sponsee relationship that encourages and supports my recovery.








A critical step in the first stages of your recovery is to get sponsor, and seek out their advice when you run into trouble. This ain't an optional choice, people, it's a necessary part of growth if you want to get better.

This post today is dedicated to Dave, the first sponsor I had, and one I didn't always listen to. I still appreciated the guidance he gave me. He died a few years after he became my sponsor. :( He had a heart attack in his 30's, way too young for a heart attack.

But it is what it is, as JimmyZ is known to say.
RIP Dave and thanks for all the times you pushed me to do things I didn't want to do, :clapping: :thumbsup:

[seamonkey]

Got a question. Can people who are recovering alcoholics carry the old alcoholic personality with them for years in the future? Or is it a case that once you go through rehab or the twelve step program that they change?

[jonthepain]

the "experts" - therapists, doctors, etc. - say 18 months. But I'd bet that it varies.

For me it was kind of gradual. I'd like to think that my "wet brain" is completely gone now, but hey we all have differing levels of interpersonal skills.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
--Unknown

If it is hard to adjust to our age, how much harder it must be to realize we can't even run our own life with any degree of competence. Until we get used to that idea we will keep having living troubles. Accepting our incompetence doesn't have to take forever, though. The Third Step is a shortcut that requires no action, only a decision.

Once the decision is made to turn our will and our life over to the care of God, things begin to happen. We are likely to find ourselves being drawn to spiritual people. Maybe we'll read a book or hear something as simple as the lyrics of a song that speak to us in a special way. God is acting on our decision. And we find ourselves a great deal happier in God's care than our own.

I'm getting used to the idea that God does a better job of running my life than I do.





************
Seamonkey, Jon had a good point. The thing about alcoholism or addiction is that often the drugs or alcohol are just a symptom or tangent of what's bothering us.

When we remove the alcohol or drugs, we have to work on the other parts of our personalities, if we truly want to surround ourselves with people in our lives, and happy relationships.

If we don't address those areas, we'll continue to feel isolated and not part of society. It's really up to us, how much we want to connect with others. We have to do the work to build the bridges and mend the fences that were torn down. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

Are there some people who never want to face these issues? Absolutely, but then they never really get better. I have a friend in the program almost as long as I've been sober. Yet, he goes back out every now and then.

He hates the world, is racist and judgmental, blames everyone else but himself for his failures. He has abandoned God or any sort or higher power, yet can quote pages from the BillW books verbatim.

Come to think of it, one of my family members is like that also. He is in his 40's, never lived on his own, and blames everyone else for his failures. And his level of selfishness is shameful. He walks all over people and manipulates people closest to him for what he can get out of them. People like that, I honestly don't think they'll ever change.

Hope that answered your question. Feel free to contact me privately if you ever have any more personal concerns. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

Please pray for my wife Wendy, her good friend Theresa died of liver and kidney failure last night.

Also for comfort for Theresa's twin daughters, who are 13, Michelle and Katie.

We went to see her in Palliative Care yesterday, and it wasn't pretty. It was a blessing that the Lord finally took her, considering how her last several years have gone.

Alcohol gets another one.

Thanks,
Jon

p.s. alcohol is not your friend...

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Some of us have an insatiable desire to do something about every situation that occurs in our lives. We fret about this, we rush into that, and we push our confused minds to the edge of despair. Weary from our relentless struggling, we become short-tempered, highly critical, and completely irrational. Little things become big things. Everything in our lives becomes too much for us.

When this happens, we need to "Let Go" of our false pride and admit that we alone cannot understand or solve our present difficulties. Only when we have the humility to admit our limitations can we receive the help we need.

Letting go of our false pride, however, is merely the first step. We also need to "Let God" take a hand in our affairs. When we give our burdens to God expecting God's help our problems often solve themselves without our ever making any conscious effort. Leaving our troubles with God frees our minds to receive new perspectives which we could not receive while we were busily clutching our sorrows and frustrations to us.

Today, I will ask for God's guidance and help in every area of my life. I will not try to solve all my difficulties at once. I am not expected to handle more than my share. I will work on one or two things and leave the rest to God.


I've been in the situations described above. That's why the program tells you to keep things simple. :learn:





************
Jon, so sorry to hear Theresa had to die that way. :(

I remember being in rehab, they brought a 60 year or older woman in, she was yellow and had a distended belly like she was pregnant. I stupidly said to myself: "How could a woman that old be pregnant?" :huh: Her skin was also almost carrot-colored. I didn't know that was from the jaundice.

I really didn't understand the effects of alcohol poisoning back then. It was foreign to me that people actually die from drinking... I thought drugs were much worse.

2 days later they brought her out to the hospital, and she died that night.

Jon is so right people. Alcohol is a poison, literally. It won't kill you directly because it's ingested a little at a time. Phosphoric acid is similar...a high concentration will kill you, yet the soft drink companies put it in Coke and Pepsi.

Drinking over a period of years, to the point where your liver can't process that poison, can kill you. That's a fact.

My deepest condolences to your wife, her friend, and friend's family, Jon. May they find the comfort they need to re-build their lives and get through this.

[jonthepain]

Thanks, Rich.

Yeah Theresa looked just like that.

Think I'll go to a meeting tonight. Just to look around. Got a friend that wants to go but won't till I scope it out first.

6 yrs 5 months 18 days...

[jonthepain]

well that was like a giant step backwards...
made me realize how much better my life is now, tho

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Behind an able man there are always other able men.
--Chinese proverb

Most of us have had a strong desire in our lives to "do it ourselves." We have had the idea that strength and independence meant we should not rely on or receive help from others. Now, in recovery, we are learning a far more mature and time-honored principle. We find strength to develop to our fullest as members of a community. Maybe we never learned how to ask for help. Perhaps we haven't learned yet how to accept it. It may still be difficult to express our gratitude for the help that brought us where we are today.

In recovery, we get many lessons about these things. If we are actively growing, we will get help from others and give it too. The rewards of recovery give us ample reasons and opportunities to express our gratitude. We are no longer loners. Now we have a network of friends who truly enjoy and enhance each other's strength.

Today, I pray for help in learning how to share my strength and to appreciate the strength of others.


Learning to ask others for help is an important part of recovery. I still struggle with that. My independent streak is fierce, and often I feel that if I have to beg for help from someone, I might as well just do it myself, and git er done.

However, it's important to recognize that the cemeteries are filled with people who may have needed help with something, life, relationships, health, family or other matters and refused to ask for it. Don't let foolish pride get in the way of your recovery.






Jon, I'm assuuming you were referring to going to the meeting as "like a giant step backwards"? I think it's important to keep our memories green. Were you referring to meeting the newcomers, and the initial struggles? Or something else?

Depending on what meeting you went to, you might see a lot of newcomers, people who have just gotten sober. When you look at all we have to go through in our lives to get on a sober path, it seems people coming into meetings for the first time have some petty issues that they let get to them. You might say, Wow, I'm glad I'm past that.... then again, maybe not.

I had to move around a bit to different meetings until I found people I could identify with. I haven't been to a meeting for awhile now. Keeping the memory green is good for the soul, though.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon14.png

[jonthepain]

i guess it was just a feeling...i don't know. it's been a while since i started recovery. i forgot what it was like. that was a different person.

there was a guy there, a very good friend of mine. he said "wow do you remember when you left your wife and family, grabbed your ruger, and told the wife that you were going to go live in some abandoned house that you knew of? ha ha you had us all scared that time!" i thought pretty hard, and i said, "no i don't remember that."

and to be honest i didnt.

now i think i remember the time that he was talking about. fuzzily. it wasn't exactly like he said, but close enough.

i don't really want to remember that stuff. and there was plenty of it.

see, that was a different person. that wasn't me. well it was, but, i don't know. the old me i guess.

and when i looked around, i could discern who was still using, who didn't care, and who was being straight up. i heard the heartfelt stuff and the platitudes. i heard the guy who belched like every thirty seconds, real deep and load and long. the guy next to me with the huge pupils and nervousness.

yeah i guess if i can help that's cool. if my friend will come i will too. i'll go next thurs cuz i said i would, but after that, i don't know.

in one sense, i know i need to be thankful for how far the Lord has taken me away from all that. but another part of me just wants to bury that old man and move on. addiction and recovery aren't like the center of my universe anymore, and i'm not really comfortable bringing it back again.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The program has given me the best days I've ever had. But thinking about all that lost time can still bring me down.
--Jane S.

Telling the difference between yesterday, today, and tomorrow may be easy for most people, but it isn't for many of us. Our past tends to overshadow both the present and the future. Until we learn to draw a line between then and now, the gloom of "what was" expands and spreads like noxious smoke or a sickening odor. "What can be" is blotted out.

Where does yesterday end and today begin? For us, that may be the central recovery issue. Our battle is one of boundaries.

No matter how spoiled the past may have been, our future is spotless. If, in our minds, we say good-bye to the past, we can begin writing a new story and painting a new picture.

Every day is new - fresh and shimmering with possibilities. The future is a long string of such days. As our perception of time corrects itself, as we learn to accept the past and look forward to the future, we can focus on today and live it well.

Today, I will see the bad days of the past as rotten apples. I will throw them out of my barrel to protect my new days

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

There is no total answer.

Studying and reading are traditional methods of spiritual growth. With a lifelong routine of study each day, a person or couple grows under the guidance of the sages. Civilization exists because each generation builds upon the progress of the past. We do not have to reinvent the wheel.

After we learn from those who have gone before, we may even discover and create beyond the point where they left off. But if we are in a willful, defiant mood, we may say, "I have to find my own way. I don't feel like learning from anyone." Our individualism then becomes a half-truth, silently trapping us in problems that others have found answers to.

There is no total answer - no total freedom - only continued growth. Daily reading, openness to learn from others' encounters with life, and study of how they faced their most challenging spiritual questions will bring us progress.



Amen.

[DarkSkies]

i don't really want to remember that stuff. and there was plenty of it.

see, that was a different person. that wasn't me. well it was, but, i don't know. the old me i guess.

and when i looked around, i could discern who was still using, who didn't care, and who was being straight up. i heard the heartfelt stuff and the platitudes. i heard the guy who belched like every thirty seconds, real deep and load and long. the guy next to me with the huge pupils and nervousness.

in one sense, i know i need to be thankful for how far the Lord has taken me away from all that. but another part of me just wants to bury that old man and move on. addiction and recovery aren't like the center of my universe anymore, and i'm not really comfortable bringing it back again.


You always had the ability to make some deep observations, Jon. Sounds like you got exactly what you needed at that meeting.

And you're right, there is no mileage gained by dwelling in the past. Growth happens through change and moving on. Thanks for sharing. :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Gratitude

Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We're feeling great in the morning, but we're submerged in misery by nightfall.

Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we're feeling overwhelmed, we can't see the lessons in these experiences.

One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It's called gratitude. We learn to say thank you for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don't like this experience, but thank you anyway.

Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.

Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today's pain into tomorrow's joy.



Learning to be grateful for the little things in life can help us put it all into perspective. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon14.png

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Give to the world the best you have and the best will come back to you.
--Madeline Bridges

Sometimes we feel lazy or bored, and then we don't do our best work. Perhaps we are daydreaming instead of listening closely to what a friend is trying to tell us. When we are not really paying attention to our activities or the people around us, we'll likely miss out on something important because we do receive in equal measure what we give. And this truth works in every aspect of our lives.

When we treat our friends, our families, even people we don't know well with kindness, we'll experience kindness in return. Our own actions and attitudes toward others are what we can expect from others as well.




Amen.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.
--Mother Teresa

Our spiritual nature must be nurtured. Prayer and meditation lovingly kindle the flame that guides us from within. Because we're human, we often let the flame flicker and perhaps go out. And then we sense the dreaded aloneness. Fortunately, some time away, perhaps even a few moments in quiet communion with God, rekindles the flame.

For most of us, the flame burned low, or not at all, for many years. The flickering we may feel today, or tomorrow, or felt yesterday, will not last, so we may put away our fears. We can listen to the voice of our higher power in others. We can listen, too, as we carry the message. Prayer surrounds us every moment. We can fuel our inner flame with the messages received from others. We can let our spirit spring forth; let it warm our hearts and the hearts of others.

We each have a friend whose flame may be flickering today. I will help my friend and thus myself. A steady flame can rekindle one that's flickering.




The Holidays are a time of joy for some, Depression for others. If you can make just one person smile each day, who knows, you may have an affect on the course of their lives, Saying something charitable or kind to someone down on their luck doesn't require much effort at all. Please consider if there is someone in your circle who could use some encouragement. You might be amazed at the difference you could make. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Fill up your life.

One of the good things about the blues is their power to make me feel better. No matter how bad it gets in my little world, I can be pretty sure that B.B. King, John Lee Hooker, or Stevie Ray Vaughn has seen worse. Sometimes, it just feels good to vocalize all those bad feelings.

Bad things happen in life. Sometimes they are small annoyances; sometimes they are the major grief mongers. What matters is not what happens to us, but how we react to it. He left you. That is a fact. Now after you get done with the quart of rocky road that you are drowning your sorrows in, what are you going to do about it? You can sit around and complain to your friends about how unfair life is, or you can get up, put the empty bowl in the dishwasher, and go fill up your life.

Feelings are one of the blessings of being human. All of them. Sometimes we feel good; sometimes we feel bad. Take some time. Take some energy and be upset. Be aware of the feeling of being upset. But then get up, go out, and make positive use of your life.

God, help me put to positive use all of the feelings in my life.




RIP John Lee Hooker...
rOyj4ciJk34


zYrVwGxlcFA

[bluesdude71]

DS, great song, Hobo Blues. John Lee Hooker inspired a lot of artists who came after him. Thanks for taking me back.

[DarkSkies]

^ Glad ya liked it, Bluesdude. There are times when I could listen to that old stuff for hours. :cool:



Today's thought from Hazelden is:

An inspiring book, a caring friend, a moment of silence - all can offer the guidance we seek.

We are learning to seek guidance on how to handle the serious circumstances of our lives. We used to feel we had to figure out everything for ourselves. What a gift it is to seek suggestions from friends we can trust. And hearing others tell how a line in a book gave them a needed answer has become a valuable tool too.

Relying on the silence for our answers, we are less certain at first. We can't always tell if it's our ego directing us rather than our Higher Power. The important thing is that we are looking for help. We are no longer blocked by our need to be self-reliant in all matters.

Guidance is always available. We simply have to know where to look and be willing to hear.

I will look at my problems today as opportunities for intimacy with other people. Problems will free me from isolation.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

There is an end to grief if we have the courage to accept our personal goodness and our ongoing right to happiness.
-- Justin Langley

Making peace with our losses takes time and trust. In the past, we may have acted in ways that were heartbreaking to ourselves and others. But now we have a new choice; we can walk the road of self-forgiveness and stop punishing ourselves for past deeds, or we can decide that we don't deserve to feel good, that clinging to our pain, guilt, and self-loathing will somehow make up for some of the damage.

Believing our wrongs are too great to be righted leaves us in a perpetual state of mourning. It's a risk, but we can choose to believe that change is possible, not all at once but slowly, one day at a time.

Believing that God loves us and wants us to be happy gives us the courage to make amends and face our past head on. When we take the leap of faith necessary to grieve and let go of the past, we take back our best selves, and the lives we were meant to live.

Today give me the strength and the courage to grieve my losses.

[jonthepain]

Six years, six months sober today.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Developing ourselves

We must realize in our hearts that we are becoming better people. We do this by using our highest standards and making our best efforts. We do this, in part, by turning our lives over to God, who will guide us if we sincerely ask.

As we develop, we find we're offering much more to life than just avoiding mood-altering drugs. We are coming to love others and to help them by thinking, feeling, and behaving maturely in all situations.

Am I developing into a better person?

Higher Power, help me realize that my new life is not just about changing my past but about developing my future as well.




Removing alcohol and drugs from your life is a daunting task. However, once that's accomplished, some folks feel that's enough, no further work is needed. If that's the perspective, at times people will feel a sense of stagnation. They won't grow any further, and it's easy to slip into depression.

I've seen that more success comes to people who push themselves into growth mode in their recovery. It keeps you occupied. The challenge allows people to get the courage they need to change or modify old thinking patterns. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Six years, six months sober today.

:clapping::clapping::clapping: :thumbsup::thumbsup: Wow, that's awesome! That's a great milestone. Although one day at a time, it's still a tough road to put a lot of time together like that. I remember when it was 5 1/2 one year ago.

A lot of things have changed for you since then, many of them for the worse. Yet through them all you've managed to still stay sober. Congrats on working your program and keeping the faith, through good times and bad. :cool:

I'm proud of ya Jon!
Congrats, you earned it. :clapping::clapping:

[jonthepain]

Thanks Rich

Wish I coulda made it up there this fall.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Should everybody like me?

When people say they are people-pleasers, they're acknowledging that it's a problem.

It's a problem because it reflects a desire to have everybody's acceptance and approval - to be universally liked. But from what we know about human relationships, this is not possible. No matter how hard we work to be pleasant and likeable, some people may still detest us for reasons we cannot understand. When that happens, we should not blame ourselves or step up our efforts to win them over. Our best course is to be cordial to them and to avoid giving offense in any way.

If our own behavior is mature and reasonable, even the people who don't like us will at least respect us. That may be the best we can hope for, and it is certainly far better than shameless people pleasing. In the end, people-pleasers don't please anybody and, as a famous comedian notes about himself, they "get no respect."

I'll try hard to be pleasant and cordial to everyone I meet today. If some people do not respond in the same way, I'll accept this without feeling hurt or betrayed.




That reminds me of the Stuart Smalley videos from the old episodes of Saturday Night Live. We can't always get along with everyone, that's absolutely true. I feel it's best to live your life in a way that is true and honorable. Hold your head up and do the most good you can. If people don't like that, it's on them.
Above all, avoid negative and toxic people, and you'll do fine. :learn:










************************
Jon, I'm sorry you didn't get up here this season, too.
This fall wasn't the most consistent fishing for NJ, hot a few nights, cold the next.
No sustained action in the NJ daytime surf like we had just a few years ago. You didn't miss much.
There's always next year. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

There's always next year. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

yup

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The mind is a baby giant who, more provident in the cradle than he knows, has hurled his paths in life all round ahead of him, like playthings....
--Robert Frost

Sometimes we are bewildered by the options open to us. We feel we have no way of knowing which course would be best. But when we reflect calmly on our choices, we usually find very few that are realistic, that are in tune with our personalities and consonant with the rest of our lives.

It sometimes seems that a choice made, or an option dropped, when we are very young, can determine our whole lives. This is probably an illusion. Perhaps we believe that our fate was forever altered by missing a train ten years ago. Late at night, we might talk wistfully of what might have been, "If only I'd caught that train..."

Most likely, though, our lives would have turned out pretty much the same. What happens to us, and what we choose, seem to follow the same pattern - a pattern that is true for each one of us. We've marked out our paths, whether we're fully aware of them or not.

Sometimes I am indecisive because I desire to remain open to life's choices. Today I will act freely and strengthen that freedom by making responsible decisions.








*********************
Hey Jon, it's been so bad this year, that it can only get better from here, right?
Power of positive thinking.
Better than positive drinking (aka George Thorogood) :cool:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

I know today that getting active means trying to live the suggested Steps of the Program to the best of my ability. It means striving for some degree of honesty, first with myself, then with others. It means activity directed inward, to enable me to see myself and my relationship with my Higher Power more clearly. As I get active, outside and inside myself, so shall I grow in the Program. Do I let others do all the work at meetings? Do I carry my share?

Today I Pray

May I realize that "letting go and letting God" does not mean that I do not have to put any effort into the Program. It is up to me to work the Twelve Steps, to learn what may be an entirely new thing with me - honesty. May I differentiate between activity for activity's sake - busy-work to keep me from thinking - and the thoughtful activity, which helps me to grow.

Today I Will Remember

"Letting God" means letting God show us how.

[DarkSkies]

Other people can't meet our needs if we don't tell them what our needs are.

We need tenderness and caring from our families and friends. We need their acceptance, understanding, and support. Sometimes we need their criticism and forgiveness.

Whatever our needs are, other people will probably be involved in getting them met. If we expect those close to us to read our minds and know exactly what we want without being told, we will probably be disappointed. Being honest and candid about our needs and feelings is an important goal of recovery. True, the other person may say no, but being able to make a reasonable request raises our self-esteem and opens the door to communication.

Today, I will take the risk of asking someone directly for something I want.







Amen.

[jonthepain]

I want a winning lottery ticket.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

He who helps a friend in woe is like a fur coat in the snow.
--Russian Proverb

We came in from a very hard life when we came into recovery, kind of like coming in from a blizzard in Siberia! The old life was dangerous, cold, and lonely, and it forced us to use all our energy just to survive. Sooner or later it would have killed us. We were definitely in woe.

Someone - a family member, a friend, a boss, a probation officer - offered us a chance to get sober. That person saved our life, as surely as if he or she walked out into a blizzard and wrapped around us like a fur coat. Thanks to our Higher Power, we accepted the help this time.

In the future we will have the chance to help others who are still out there freezing in the blizzard of addiction. We can offer them the kind of help that saved our life. We can't make them accept our help though. We just keep it handy, like a fur coat, in case they reach out to accept it.

Prayer For The Day

Higher Power I am willing to help another addict. I will be ready when You put someone in front of me.

Today's Action

Is there an alcoholic or an addict in my life I wish I could help? I realize that my example is the best way to show them recovery. I will talk with my sponsor about this person and how I am best able to help him or her today.



You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
Although true, if someone in trouble reaches out to us, and we can help, we should.






I want a winning lottery ticket.

Me too bro, but in the meantime we gotta keep plugging along, one day at a time. :cool:

[dogfish]

Six years, six months sober today.

Congratulations jon.:clapping::clapping:
how did ya stay sober for that long?

[jonthepain]

Thanks, dogfish.

Believe me, it's all Grace.

[DarkSkies]

Jon, keep up the good work, ODAT. :thumbsup:


************


Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We are what we are.
--Motto of Lake Wobegon, Garrison Keillor

Sometimes we devote so much effort to being what we are not, that we lose the chance to be what we are. We have one identity for this person and another for that one. Our co-workers, neighbors, friends, and family all expect different things of us, leaving us wondering who we actually are. How can we be so many different things to so many people?

God wants us to be only who we are. We were created with unique characteristics for a purpose, even if that purpose isn't always clear to us. We need to be who we really are, and to be the best we can be, knowing that God approves because God created us as we are.

I will be the best me that I know how to be.




I've struggled with this in my life. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I see there are different expectations from different members. It's frustrating as hell sometimes. Like the reading says, just be the best that you can be. Don't worry about the other stuff.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Worry and Stress

"I'm learning it's what I do with my today that counts," said one group member. "I can make this a day to remember or a day to regret just by the kinds of thoughts I have about it.

"Let me explain what happened to make me realize this," he continued. "Two days ago, I woke up grumbling about my sorry lot in life. My divorce, my bills, and a recent argument with a close friend haunted me. Throughout the whole day I nursed my woes and convinced myself that this was just another rotten day. And do you know what? That's exactly what it turned out to be! Nothing went right. I even had a second argument with another friend who called to cheer me up.

"Yesterday, I overheard someone say that a person is made or unmade by what he thinks. I thought about this for a while and decided to try it out today. Instead of greeting the day with my usual, 'Good God, morning!' I consciously said, 'Good morning, God!' with the expectation that it would be a good day. And that's what it's been. I even called my two friends to apologize for my previous terrible mood, and I had a warm and friendly conversation with them both!"

TODAY I will lift up my thoughts. In expecting nothing but good to come to me, that is exactly what I will receive.






Amen. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.
--Swedish proverb

During our illness, we hurt others. We hurt ourselves. We messed up a lot. So, a lot of us come into recovery not trusting ourselves very much. The truth is, as addicts, we couldn't be trusted.

But in recovery, we can be trusted again. We can again live and love ourselves. We do this by finding our spiritual center. This is the place inside of us where our Higher Power lives. We turn our will and our lives over to this spiritual center. We do as our spiritual center tells us. And from our spiritual center, we'll find our values. We'll live better lives. We'll come to trust ourselves again.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, thank you for helping me believe in myself again. I'll treat myself with love and kindness. I know You want me to.

Action for the Day

Today, I'll list four ways I couldn't be trusted during my addiction. I'll also list four ways I can now be trusted.





And as the old saying Goes, God helps those who help themselves. :thumbsup:
But sometimes we need to reach out ot others, and hope they hear what we are, or are not, saying.


Today is when, about 7 years ago, someone I knew took a shotgun and blew his head off. I always try to remember this date and reflect on how things might have turned out if only he reached out to people.

He was relatively successful, loved the outdoors, and had a decent business going. There were lots of people around him who cared. Yet, he had many demons inside and wouldn't open up about what was bothering him.

He was also a manic-depressive who hadn't come to terms with that illness.
So he decided the best course of action was to blow his brains out. He left behind a great deal of sadness and misery, and people who had to cope with him leaving forever.
Sad to hear of, sad to see.
I miss him. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png

If you have such things going on inside your head, please think of those who you will leave behind. Please remember that it can get better, but only if you make the necessary steps to reach out and ask for help. Suicide ain't the answer.


This is the time of year that the highest % of people decide to kill themselves.
Thoughts and prayers.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Learning stamps you with its moments.
--Eudora Welty

We never stop learning. We absorb information every waking moment. And while we sleep, we process what we encounter during the day. The conclusions we reach about these daily lessons will likely be based on the perception that dominates our lives. Do we perceive our experiences as for our good or for our undoing?

Since learning is ongoing, we are fortunate to have a more positive context within which to interpret our experiences. Alcoholics Anonymous, as well as other Twelve Step programs, offers us a set of guidelines to live by, which helps us interpret every moment.

We can anticipate what lies ahead, or we can dread it. What we learn from each experience reflects our attitude. Our commitment to the Twelve Steps determines it.

I will soak up the day like a sponge. My education is within my control. How lucky I am to have this program!

[jonthepain]

thanks, Rich, I needed that.

Also, please pray for my buddy John Murdaugh. He had a heart attack Friday. He died and it took them 15 minutes to revive him, but revive him they did.

He's got 4 stints and a balloon; they are taking the balloon out today.

He looks like hell.

Thanks,
Jon

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
--Bill Cosby

"Oh, how I wish my dad would get sober." "Oh, how I want my friend to get help with her eating problem." "Oh, how I wish I could make my mom understand."

When we become obsessed with how we want others to change, we put our own happiness on hold. As we wait, hoping and scheming about how to get others to see their many problems, we are neglecting ourselves. It's almost as if we think it's not fair for us to be happy when others are miserable. But when we detach with love, we still care, we still pray and wish for the best, but we know that other people's problems belong to them, not to us.

Today let me accept the fact that if I detach with love, no one will die from it. I'll just be more healthy and happy.



The only lives we have the power to change, are our own. :learn:

***********************


Jon, Sorry to hear about your friend John Murdaugh. Dying and coming back to life isn't a chance that many of us get. Hats off to the medical professionals who worked on him for that 15 minutes. 15 minutes can be an eternity when someone codes. I had thought protocol is to give up sooner than that. Very lucky for him and his family.

If one is skeptical of God and miracles, I think this example would be something to give evidence of intervention by a higher power. He would be dead, if it were not for the grace of God. I truly believe that. I'll pray for him, and hope he's on the road to recovery.

[jonthepain]

Thanks Rich

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

All of my life I been like a doubled up fist... poundin', smashin', drivin' - now I'm going to loosen these doubled up hands and touch things easy with them.
--Tennessee Williams

Everyone has many sides. Some sides are highly developed and other sides aren't at all. We need not fear turning to a new side and exploring it. This recovery program has enabled us to pursue sides of ourselves that were closed before. When we were lost in our narrow world of codependency and addiction, we had fewer options. Now we have far greater access to our strength and our self-esteem, and we find new parts of ourselves.

Many of us have found relationships, which were never possible before, job choices we would never have had, and the pleasure of greater involvement in life. It is reassuring to see that we don't always have to give up one side of ourselves to add new ones.

Thanks to God for the many options opening up to me in this renewed life.





Amen.



Yer welcome, Jon.

[jonthepain]

Thanks for the phone message, D, you nut.

Just what I needed considering the wife hasn't talked to me in a week.
(ya I know it was a blessing for the first few days but it's getting annoying being treated like i'm not even here. :huh: And no I have absolutely no clue why.)

I might ask her sometime before Sunday (our 29th anniversary.)

Women are weird. :kooky:
(No offense Pebbles :o )

[DarkSkies]

Women are weird. :kooky:


All the years I've been on this earth, and I'm still learning this. :o
One thing that's become very clear to me....
when you ask your lady what's wrong, and she says "Nothing!" and still has a sour look on her face, you're definitely in trouble.

One of the things I've learned is they want us to figure out why they're mad at us. That may seem unreasonable, after all we're not Kreskin. But if you think about it, it's usually related to something we did, or didn't do. We're supposed to know what disappoints them by a certain time in the relationship.

And bro, if ya don't know your wife after 29 years, you're definitely doomed! :laugh:
Seriously, though, I would review the basic list of things that **** them off...farting in the bed, leaving the toilet seat up, failure to do things you were supposed to do around the house. Ask yourself if ya goofed in an obvious area, and ya might see the light. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

If it's something else, maybe ya gotta dig deeper. :scared:
The one saving grace that works for me sometimes is humor. If you can get her to laugh, she might start talking to ya. Or maybe ask her advice on something you already know the answer to, a neutral subject, just to get her to talk.

You're pretty witty, I think you'll be able to get to the bottom of it. Good luck.

And if ya make it to Sunday, Happy Anniversary! 29 years is an achievement. Ya must have done some things right for her to still be with you after all this time. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

...after all we're not Kreskin.

word up



And bro, if ya don't know your wife after 29 years, you're definitely doomed! :laugh:

i'm doomed



You're pretty witty...

yeah well you're half right
Happy Anniversary! 29 years is an achievement.

thanks! yeah 29 years is a looooong time :D

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Will Power - Our willingness to be used by a Higher Power.
--Alcoholics Anonymous

How many times have you wanted something very badly, only to realize at a later date that having it would have been a major disaster? Often we pursue a certain want or desire when the Universe has something entirely different planned - something, which is for our higher good.

For years, Ann wanted to run her own daycare center. An opportunity arose for her to buy a local business, but the deal fell through at the last minute. Bitterly disappointed, she could not understand why her heart's desire was denied her. Then one day, she and her husband found out about a business that was for sale in a city where they had always wanted to live. Within weeks, they bought the business and moved to their new location. Ann gave thanks that the first opportunity did not work out.

From our earthly vantage point, we can't always see the big picture. We are like mice running in an open field, sensing what is in front of our noses. Only from the perspective of the eagle can the entire landscape be viewed.

Fortunately, there is a part of yourself that can see like the eagle. You can turn over your life and your plans to that higher vision, and then say with assurance, "It's all God's work. It's all in God's hands. And I am at peace with this."



Like Jon often says, "It's all grace". :learn:


Re:Anniversary
Jon, ya can't be serious! :scared:
Surely you can't be both a half-wit, and doomed. :rolleyes:
I have every confidence that in the next 24 hours you'll figure out why she's mad.
Best wishes.

[jonthepain]

Note to self: Call hairdresser and ask her to call me and let me know when the wife's been there for a cut and dye. :o

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Every Christmas I hope for the best but expect the worst.
--Adult child group member

As bells ring out and carols echo everywhere, we should not be surprised if our spirits take a nosedive. It isn't that we don't understand the meaning of Christmas, or that we reject it, but rather that the idealized version of what Christmas should be has often times been denied us. We may come to resent the fact that all this good cheer seems to be for other people, not us.

Our experiences may have had little to do with family togetherness around a glowing fireplace, loving conversation, and delighted laughter. Such scenes feel like an affront if there has been no family closeness, perhaps no gifts, and little or no overt love. Of course it's wrenching when our own experience clashes so painfully with advertised reality!

But every day is a chance for new experience. We can choose today to create the good cheer that wasn't created for us. It's too late to change yesterday's disappointment, but, if we choose, we can make this holiday season the one we'll remember.

I have made a conscious decision to leave past Christmases in the past. Today, I will begin to plan a celebration.




Growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household, you soon learn that holidays are not what you usually see on TV. There are fights, disappointments, bad feelings, all sorts of things like that. You begin to accept that the holiday blowups are normal, this becomes an accepted part of life.

As we move forward in recovery, we need to get beyond that to a new reality. Make your own experiences...don't be chained down by ones in your past. :learn:


*************************

The feeling of belonging is a gift.

The feeling of belonging - knowing that we have a place - is one of the most important gifts that two partners can give to each other. When we agree to commit ourselves to a partnership, we give each other the key to our daily lives. We allow our mate to be there with us in a way we would not let others. That means that we can expect to have a place that does not have to be renegotiated every day. This feeling of belonging is a gift, but it must be received. In essence, we say to our partner, "I take my place here in your life because we have our relationship. I will relax. I don't stand at the door and knock. We have already told each other that we are included in each other's lives."

This sense of belonging stands in sharp contrast to those feelings of isolation and alienation that we can feel in so many ways. It does not mean that one partner owns the other or that no boundary or separateness exists. But the joy of connection frees people in relationships to fulfill themselves and carry on their lives while in the close comfort of one they love.

Tell your partner how you know you have a place in her or his life.









*******************************************
Jon, I can't believe ya didn't notice she colored her hair! :scared: :beatin:
Don't feel bad, I've been there too. :o
Happy 29th anniversary to you both!

[jonthepain]

rofl thanks

i never notice **** like that

see ya
jc

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Forgiveness is all-powerful. Forgiveness heals all ills.
--Catherine Ponder

Getting mad at someone, a friend perhaps, is normal. Everybody gets mad sometimes. But when we stay mad for very long, it ruins all the fun we'd planned on having throughout the day. Staying mad multiplies. Sometimes it seems we are mad at the dog, our mom, another friend, even the TV.

Forgiving the people we're mad at works like magic. We don't even have to forgive them out loud. We can forgive them in our own minds. The result is the same. Pretty soon the whole day looks bright again. When we're mad, we are the ones who suffer most.

Who can I forgive today, and make my day a better one?

[jonthepain]

Jon, how did the anniversary go, did ya get out of the doghouse?

well she kept me up till 2 am if that's any indication...

:naughty:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

One needs something to believe in, something for which one can have wholehearted enthusiasm.
--Hannah Senesh

Life offers little if we sit passively in the midst of activity. Involvement is a prerequisite if we are to grow. For our lives' purposes we need enthusiasm; we need enthusiasm in order to greet the day expectantly. When we look toward the day with anticipation, we are open to all the possibilities for action.

We must respond to our possibilities if we are to mature emotionally and recover spiritually. Idly observing life from the sidelines guarantees no development beyond our present level. We begin to change once we start living up to our commitment to the program - its possibilities and our purpose - and it's that change, many days over, that moves us beyond the negative, passive outlook of days gone by.

The program has offered us something to believe in. We are no longer the people we were. So much more have we become! Each day's worth of recovery carries us closer to fulfilling our purpose in life.

I believe in recovery, my own; when I believe in success, I'll find it. There is magic in believing.


*************



Jon, very happy to hear that, You're not in the doghouse anymore! I hear the temps are frigid in NC. But apparently not in your house that night at 2am. :wheeeee:
I guess forgetting to notice her hair cut and hair dye was forgiven.

[storminsteve]

doghouse




Jon, very happy to hear that, You're not in the doghouse anymore! I hear the temps are frigid in NC. But apparently not in your house that night at 2am. :wheeeee:
I guess forgetting to notice her hair cut and hair dye was forgiven.
eyduncFpzl4

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Goodwill

Have you ever envied someone else's good fortune? Consider the friend who calls with a different ring to her voice. Instead of sharing her troubles and woes, she proceeds to tell you good news. Something exciting, financially beneficial, glamorous, wonderful beyond belief has happened in her life. It's not a fantasy. It's one of those rare moments when a dream has come true.

That's wonderful, you may say, meaning every word. At first. Why her? You may later think. What about me? When am I going to get a break? As hard as we may try not to feel that way, a little jealousy, envy, and self-pity replace the joy we felt for our friend.

Most of us want other people to be successful and happy. We really do. That's not the problem. The problem comes when we think they're going to be happier or better than we are.

Sometimes we know when we're envying and resenting others. Other times it's a subtle undercurrent that we're not aware of, but it invades our lives. It may only be a slight feeling of smugness when we hear that something unfortunate has happened to someone we perceive as being more fortunate than we are.

Goodwill isn't just the name of a secondhand store or a phrase used in songs during the holiday season. It's a particularly challenging value to practice.






*************
Funny stuff, Steve! :clapping:
Vacuum cleaner for Anniversary present, sure way to land in the doghouse..."but it was a top of the line double bagger!" :laugh:

[DarkSkies]

You've all heard me talk about a friend on here.
He had about 12 years of sobriety. He was an active member in the AA and NA community.

At some point he started talking to me about making wine. He justified his thought process, saying he had been sober for 12 years and a little wine never hurt anyone. :plastered: I told him where he would end up. Some of our mutual friends disagreed with me, and thought it would come to no harm. :kooky: I drifted away from talking to him because I didn't want any part of it.

Well, he made the wine and started drinking again. That led to him doing crack and brought him to a bottom where he ended up in jail.

Before he got put in jail, he went with a friend to score some crack. The guy tried to rip them off, so they bashed the dealer with a baseball bat. The only problem,,,the dealer was twice their size (my friend is a big guy to begin with, but the dealer was about 6'3" and 290 lbs :scared:) The guy laughed when they hit him with the bat. He took it away and proceeded to bash my friend's arm to pieces.)

Ya know what they say, never bring a knife to a gunfight.
And never trust your judgement when you're on drugs. :learn:

So my friend ended up with a broken arm that he walked around with for about a month. He didn't get it taken care of till he got arrested around a month later. His arm was infected, he was in jail. He was begging me to bail him out. I could have, but I told him the only way he was going to get bail is if he agreed to rehab. I couldn't watch him killing himself anymore. He had deteriorated to a shadow of who he once was. He looked like the walking dead.

He refused the offer of rehab, so I let him sit in jail. No one else would bail him out either. Finally he decided he was sick and tired of being sick and tired. He agreed to go to rehab. :thumbsup:

First he had to get his arm operated on. They had to re-break his arm, and re-set it with a plate and pins.

12886

For 2 years since early 2008, he had the above plate and pins in his arm, holding it together. He had them taken out last week because he had recurring bone infections somehow, and medically it was determined he would be safer with them out.

He sent me the above cell phone pic. I'm posting it to remind people that no matter how bad you think your life is, it could always be worse.

It's good therapy for me to keep my memory green as well. He is a lifelong friend, and we were involved in many unsavory ventures together.

I finally got my good friend back. What I missed the most were the intense conversations we used to have. He got off the track with alcohol and drugs and almost died.

However, he's a smart business owner, and always had some good insight into human behavior when we talked. I have benefitted from his advice. Some of the things I missed most were the times he used to call and cheer me up when I was in one of my down cycles. All my life I've struggled with depression, and my choice is to isolate when I'm feeling down. He used to know just what to say to get me to laugh. He's a "salt of the earth" kind of guy, and almost everyone who meets him likes him. The life of the party. When we were growing up together he was always the one pushing the limits.

In the past, as he got sober, he was the one who pushed the AA program work, step work, etc. If I wasn't working my program, he would call me out on it. Acquaintances come and go in life, but true friends are not afraid to cut through the BS and speak the truth to each other. He also got more active in the program, chairing a meeting and becoming involved in the community.

Additionally, in his active addiction, he also had a girlfriend who was deep in the addiction cycle. She had tried to get sober a few times, and some were saying there was no hope for her. They both went away to different rehabs, and I'm proud to report that to this day she has remained clean and sober, I think for 2 years as well.



So I'm grateful to have them both back. :HappyWave: He tells me he's grateful too.We joke about me leaving him in jail, but I wasn't willing to watch him die the slow death in the path he was on.

One day I'll send him this thread and this post. I'm just glad he made it, one day at a time.
I'm very proud of the 2 years of sobriety he has now. :clapping::clapping: :thumbsup::thumbsup:



Remember, in your recovery, never let yourself get to a space where you say "I'm cured, I can do anything I want" http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[DarkSkies]

Routine can = Rut

*******************
Today's Gift - 12/26/2010



A holiday is a permitted – or rather a prescribed – excess, a solemn violation of a prohibition.
--Sigmund Freud

Breaking our own small rules is a luxury that we sometimes forget to indulge. How pleasant it can be to stay in bed late on a Sunday, not get dressed or shaved, to let clutter accumulate. On our days off, we can get a thrill from such "solemn violations" as going to a film in the afternoon, eating an unscheduled treat, jogging twice around the track.

It's probably important to give ourselves these little extravagances, especially if our usual lives involve a highly organized routine. Just breaking up the day differently – reversing daytime and nighttime activities, for example – can give a special flavor to a day off.

Routine is consoling for many of us. We feel good about ourselves as long as we keep to the schedule, obey the rules. But we need to break some rules to get a different kind of good feeling about ourselves; above all, to know that we can choose to return to our former law-abiding selves. Sometimes we fear that if we step out of line once, we'll never get our lives together again. We need to know that we can renew ourselves on a holiday.

Giving myself a holiday by breaking my routine can make it stronger – because I choose to resume it.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Words that do not match deeds are not important.
--Che Guevara

We say we want to get out of debt. We say we need more money. We say we need a higher-paying job. We say we're going to stop gambling. We say we're going to take better care of our health. We say we're going to pay someone back. We say we're going to start a spending plan. We say we're going to start recording our expenses. All of this and more we say we'll do someday.

With the new year approaching, we commit to doing the positive things we say we're going to do, regardless of how tiresome, boring, or painful they may be. When we really don't want to go ahead with it – whatever it may be – we remind ourselves of the commitment we made. We write it down. We fulfill our commitment. In doing so, we affirm that we really can have or do what we say. We feel better about ourselves, and others find us trustworthy and honorable. We create integrity.



One of the biggest obstacles to us improving our lives is inertia. When we make a committment to move forward in a postive way, we are overcoming our inertia and laying the foundation for a better life. :learn:

We all talk about resolutions for 2011. Instead of making ones that are unrealistic,, why not try for some simple ones that help us move away from the inertia? :thumbsup:

Then, if we achieve those, every 3 months or so, re-assess and see if you can slowly fit more goals. It's a lot less pressure that way and you have a better chance of achieving what you set out to do.

[jonthepain]

Acquaintances come and go in life, but true friends are not afraid to cut through the BS and speak the truth to each other.

True that





...never let yourself get to a space where you say "I'm cured, I can do anything I want"

ain't that the truth. seen it many times, usually resulting in death.

and tried it once or twice. the addiction came back stronger than ever.

[jimmy z]

That story about your friend, Dark Skies, brought back some vivid memories. I realize today, that using is using, and even something that is detrimental can be something like making wine, or scratch off lottery tickets, or porn. I know today that the evil one uses these temptations to distract, by seduction. Just as drinking was.
Once again my friend, thank you for sharing that. God bless you!

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I've shut the door on yesterday,
And thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fears for me,
Since I have found today.
-- Vivian Yeiser Laramore

Feeling guilty or ashamed about the past - about what we did or did not do, about what happened to us, about who we were - can be our undoing. We must work long and hard in our recovery to work through these feelings, not to forget the past - for it informs all that we value in ourselves today - but to put the past into perspective.

After we've taken an inventory and grieved our losses we must forgive ourselves. In forgiving ourselves we can let go of the past and live in today.

With our program of recovery, looking back is not as frightening as it once was. And today we do not have to bear what we find alone.

A new year, a new life, can be ours. Love and friendship, support and spiritual growth are waiting for us today. Our yesterdays are over, and we can look to the future with joy and anticipation.

Today help me forgive myself for what's past and learn to have faith in Your plan for me.


Amen!







********************


Hey JimmyZ, I'm just trying to keep the memory green. :) And you're right, there are all sorts of addictions that can take us away from a life committed to sobriety and family. :learn:
Good to hear from ya! Best wishes for a Healthy and Sober New Year to us all. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.
--Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Past New Year's Eves may have meant times of excessive chemical use. We may have embarrassed ourselves in many ways. We may have chosen New Year's Eve as a time to analyze our past behaviors and write long lists of how that was going to change.

Yet tonight is like any other night. We don't have to feel as though we aren't having a good time unless we're at a party or a bar. We can celebrate the new year tomorrow with those closest to us by doing something we enjoy. The past is gone - the future has not arrived. The present is all we have, here and now.

Look to ourselves and what we want to do, not at what we think we should be doing. We can share our feelings at a meeting; spend quality time with our families and loved ones. We need to focus on ourselves and what we need to do for us, and not be diverted by the craziness around us.

Tonight is an ending; tonight is a beginning. Help me stay in the moment to bid farewell to the old and welcome in the new in my own way.











**************
Be careful out there tonight folks. If you're driving remember that statistically more accidents happen around these holiday times. You can't always anticipate if someone else is drunk or not. Be safe, and God bless everyone. The year 2011 is a chance for all of us to change some things in our lives. Major changes don't happen overnight, but a carefully thought out plan of action will move you forward.

Best wishes to all of you that we may have less ups and downs and better health for 2011!

And catch a few fish along the way, along with sharing those times with friends and family. :cool: :plastered::fishing: :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

I usually don't go out on amateur night, but I gotta ferry some kids around. I'll keep my eye out (two eyes).

Funny, I never went out on NYE when I was a drunk. No sense getting caught with a bunch of amateurs, I guess.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Living today

The beginning of the New Year will often bring back sad memories. This has been the big day for hangovers, coming down, remorse, guilt, and shame. But if we stay with our new purpose - staying clean and staying close to our Higher Power - we don't have to fear the New Year. God has forgiven our past mistakes and tomorrow is not yet here. If we do what we know is right today, all else will be taken care of.

It's not always easy to do what is necessary today, but it's impossible to change yesterday or to guarantee what tomorrow will bring. Our year will unfold better by living each day as it comes instead of regretting the past or anticipating the future.

Am I learning to live one day at a time?

I pray for the willingness to deal with today, instead of being obsessed with the past or the future.




************************
That's an interesting concept, Jon, NYE as amateur night. :)
Cause it takes "professionalism" to learn how to drink, and get it right (or wrong). :rolleyes:
I guess that thought may have entered into my head a few times as well.
Sobriety is good, or at least better than asking someone for a play-by play of what you did last night.

Happy New Year to all. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

yah ok

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.
--Spanish proverb

The beauty of the Third Step is that there's no real work for us to do. Making a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God requires no energy, no movement. We don't have to grit our teeth. It's only a decision and can be made in the blink of an eye. The action comes from God.

We don't need to do anything to earn the grace of God. In fact, there isn't any way we could earn it. This grace is ours when we let it come to us. Trusting God's love for us is all it takes.

I will rest knowing that my life is in God's hands.





**********************

yah ok

"Expect the unexpected" - I think you deal with the unexpected every time you go crow hunting. :)

[jonthepain]

yeah, but then I'm expecting it. :kooky:


:huh:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

God does not require that we be successful, only that we be faithful.
--Mother Teresa

It is probable we have never equated success with faith. Being successful meant accomplishing worthy goals and receiving the expected praise. We may have even considered that relying on faith to help us was a cop out. Fortunately, so much about how we interpret life has changed since joining this journey through recovery.

In Step Three we learn that God wants us to have faith. We are coming to see, in fact, that acting as if we have faith begins to feel like faith. Coming to believe that God's only expectation is that we turn within for guidance makes every circumstance far less threatening.

Practicing faith promises that we will begin to feel successful in all our experiences because we are walking through them peacefully, trusting fully that God is at hand. Believing in God, being truly faithful, can be the greatest success of our lives.

I can be faith-filled today if I turn my life and my will over to the care of God. I will remind myself of this every time I get in the "driver's seat."



This is a good one for me. Sometimes I have little faith in anything but myself. That doesn't work long-term. When it wavers, what do you have left, disappointment and doubt. Faith in a higher power helps us get through some of the rough patches on the road of life.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Next year I'm going to be better than I am now, but today I'm the best I can be.

It is quite possible to waste a lot of time and energy trying to make impossible changes. Many of us, inspired by the dynamics of the program and driven more by enthusiasm than prudence, strike out on missions that cannot be accomplished - missions we cannot win and should never undertake.

Turning back the clock is one of these. It can't be done. Controlling someone else's behavior is another. We can set the stage for the desired behavior, encourage it, and improve the odds by getting out of the way, but we don't have it in our bag of tricks to make people think, feel, or do any one thing.

The program addresses the art of the possible. The only options we have are the options that are available to us. If our former partners don't want to reconcile with us, that's not an available option. A happily-ever-after marriage is not possible if we haven't yet learned how to have a healthy relationship. Instead, we can focus on acquiring these people skills by building to our own possibilities.

Today, I will examine my range of available choices.




We all have choices in life, if a door is closed, look for a window of opportunity somewhere else.

[jonthepain]

i fear...

dutch ovens

[DarkSkies]

^^ You got issues, bro! :kooky: :HappyWave:

**********


Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I believe there has been a grand plan for my life; so much has happened that I hadn't counted on.
--Louise Jerome

What Louise believes might offer great comfort, particularly to a mind that is fraught with fear and uncertainty. But it's not all that important whether or not we believe that God has planned every detail of our lives. In fact, if we have had more than our share of turmoil, we might feel that God has been punishing us. Just coming to believe that we haven't walked through any experience alone is where the comfort lies. This may not be an idea we were taught as youngsters. We may not be convinced of it now. But deciding to suspend our disbelief, for a time, in order to discover the peace within this idea is worth it.

Recalling our past, any portion of it, will no doubt bring to mind outcomes to situations that took us by surprise. We so often thought we knew what was best for us and others. What folly! What relief, too. Trying to play god in others' lives is a heavy burden. We may still be caught in this maze, but getting free of it is possible. It may mean we have to change our perspective on the way life really works, the role God plays in our lives, but we can open our minds to new ideas. We're older, for sure - but minds can change at any age. Let's settle for an idea that eases our journey.

Today can be as restful as I make it. What comes to me is right for me.





Amen!

[dogfish]

i fear...

dutch ovens

Like this?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD2o7kn1pNs&feature=related


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr9Pmc3YSAs&feature=related

[DarkSkies]

Dogfish, I think there's a special brand of insanity that exists only in your head. :kooky:
That being said, I watched those videos, thanks for the laughs. :laugh:


*************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

There is no right way to pray.

Prayer is not a requirement of Twelve Step programs like Al-Anon. In fact, the program has no requirements. It has only suggestions that if followed will change how we see our experiences. This, in turn, mysteriously changes our very experiences. One suggestion is that we seek, through prayer and meditation, to know God and God's will for us.

The idea of prayer scares some of us initially. It seems religious. However, we learn from other people, if we're open to their words, that the program is not religious but spiritual. This means that we can expect help from a Power who wants to safeguard our lives. All we have to do is let that Power in, using any method that feels comfortable. Kneeling to pray isn't for everyone. Having friendly casual "chats" appeals to some. Others seek knowledge of God in a bird's song or a flower's blossom. Whatever is comfortable is not only adequate but appropriate.

Praying in our own special way becomes a wonderful habit. It protects us all day long, giving us strength every time we need it.

I will relish my moments with God today. They will help me in every circumstance. I'm never alone as long as I remember God.



Amen.

[jonthepain]

What laughter from yesterday can I remember today?

Exactly - what laughter?

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Celebrate who you are

Today, celebrate who you are. Yes, you have much in common with other people. But you're also uniquely you.

Grab a piece of paper and something to write with. Now write down:

1. A lesson that you have learned in life.
2. A talent that you have, no matter how quirky.
3. Your favorite meal.
4. The name of a friend who respects and likes you for who you are.
5. An activity that you enjoy.

Now, pick up the phone and call your friend. Invite him or her to a celebration with you. Do the activity that you enjoy – go for a walk, go to a ballgame, sit at home and watch videos, whatever you like to do. Then prepare your favorite meal or go to a restaurant and have them prepare it. Show your friend your talent – remember this person likes and respects you for who you are. So if you can balance e a ping pong ball on the tip of your nose, go ahead and do that. Show him or her how good you are. Talk to your friend about the lessons you have learned, and invite him or her to share a lesson learned from you.

Instead of fussing and worrying about how different you are, be grateful that you're unique.

Celebrate being you.

God, thanks for me, too.



Yeah, I'm definitely unique, no worries in that area. :rolleyes:

*************

Exactly - what laughter?

Does anyone remember laughter? :cool: :HappyWave:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dteBUV_coN8&feature=related

[jonthepain]

lol you read my mind :laugh:

PM sent

:HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

Higher power can be whatever you want it to be. It can be God, or the people around you, whatever you need it to be.

respectfully disagree.

[DarkSkies]

I have always had God in my life, Jon. He never abandoned me, although sometimes I abandoned Him. :embarassed:
I thought they say that in the program to cover Athiests. We have one member I know of here who is an Athiest. I've had discussions with him, he's bright and rational. I don't necessarily agree with his beliefs either, but I respect his right to have those beliefs.

So I understand your "respectful disagreement" here as well...:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

We pray for "courage to change the things we can.'' Change requires giving up familiar old ways to try something new. Even though the old ways brought us pain, they were known. Changing them for new ones feels risky; it could lead to pleasure . . . or to even more pain.

But if we don't try, we'll never know whether we can handle a new job, go back to school, work out a new relationship, or breathe new life into an old one. To try something new, we have to be willing to take risks and be vulnerable. We have to accept the responsibility and the consequences if our venture does not proceed as we had hoped it would.

Perhaps our addiction was a way of avoiding risk. Rather than take the chance of failing at something we wanted to do or being rejected by someone to whom we offered our friendship, we focused on our addiction. Are we ready, now, to take risks for something we really want?







Today, I can take a small risk in the interest of enriching my life.




I've taken quite a few risks in my life. Some of them worked out, some didn't. At times I've failed miserably, but at least I tried. :thumbsup:

One thing that motivates me is a long time ago in school I read this phrase -

It's better to have attempted success, and failed....
Than to have succeeded at nothing. :learn:

[jonthepain]

So I understand your "respectful disagreement" here as well...:HappyWave:

cool.

it was just something i hadda say. not looking to start a discussion.

[DarkSkies]

^^The beauty of living in America is the freedom to have different opinions, bro. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:


**********************


Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Attitudes and Limitations

"My greatest limitations," a member said, "are in my mind. Until I came to this group, I wasn't even aware that many of the negative circumstances in my life were the direct result of my distorted attitudes.

"I brought myself a lot of unnecessary misery by thinking it was my responsibility to manage and direct other people's lives. I believed it was solely up to me to make everyone else happy and secure. So I continually placed everyone else's needs first until I didn't know who I was or what I needed for my own happiness and comfort. It's exhausting and insane to try to second-guess everyone. Not only that, it doesn't give me or anyone else credit for being able to think, feel, or act for himself."

Today I will not manage or direct other people's lives, nor will I expect any other human being to fill my inner emptiness. I have the dignity, resources, and responsibility to fulfill my own life just as others have theirs. I will find my own sources of comfort, joy, and peace no matter what others do with their lives and free choices.








We're limited only by the parameters and barriers we set for ourselves. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost.
--G. K. Chesterton

Every day we take so much for granted. But we can count certain blessings: a roof over our head, food, clothing, family and friend, freedom, a Higher Power we trust. These things are special. Thinking about them wakes up our happiness. Our recovery program shows us how to be happy. We just have to remember to do what it tells us!

Step Ten helps us wake up our happiness. Each evening, as we think about our day, we can give thanks for the things we love; our recovery, our health, and the special people in our lives. If we spend part of our day thinking about these important areas, we won't lose them.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me make the most of my blessings today.

Action for the Day

Today, I'll tell five people I love that I'm glad to have them in my life. And I'll tell each of them one reason why.




This is timely for me today. I'm going through a rough patch in life. When we have dysfunctionality in our lives, we make choices to work on resolving it, or making it better. Sometimes there is no resolving of the issue, and acceptance that it never will be resolved is a tough reality.

A friend suggested this morning that I pray for the dysfunctional ones. I've tried that time and time again. When it involves you personally, it is even tougher to pray for them. But hey, hope springs eternal if you put your belief in God. So, I'll try again. :thumbsup:

As for the 10th step, if life gets you down, all you have to do is look around and see who cares about you. If you can't see at first glance, try re-focusing your perspective and thinking about the little things people do. We're all busy in our immediate lives. However, each one of us has people who they matter to, and who matter to them. Try to let those people they matter to you as well.. :)

[jonthepain]

I walked in to my program Thursday night. I haven't been in a while; a month or so I guess.

Well who walks in but my old friend James. We go back, oh, 10 years or more. He and his wife spent a lot of time with me and mine. A lot.

He was even in my wife's band for a long time. Played bass. Great guy.

Until his wife died. He had 10 years of sobriety till then.

I saw him at a party 3 or 4 years ago. He was hammered. I told him I had x time in; I forget how much at that point. Couple of years, anyway.

He asked me if I'd help him get sober again. Of course! I was thrilled. He wouldn't go to any meetings, though. So I went to him.

We went through a 12 step program together at his house for 7 or 8 months. Then one night he said, out of the blue, that it ain't helping and to just forget it. And btw, don't come back anymore.

That's 3 or 4 years ago, I dunno. So last Thurs was the first time I've seen him in all that time.

He looks like Hell. My buddies that are running the program said that he looks 100% better than last week, which was his first time there. They didn't think he'd survive till the end of the meeting.

Well I was kind of surprised he survived, too. Uncontrollable DTs etc etc. You know how guys look just before they kick.

It was great to see him there, but really upsetting to see his condition. And he won't go to detox; the other guys who've been that route (my buddy Doug blew a .49 when they admitted him; he doesn't remember the first 11 days in the hospital) all shared with him, during the meeting and afterward, but I'm not sure James wants to live.

You have to wonder why he's there if he doesn't, but he was brought there by a mutual friend of ours, Milt, and maybe he just came cuz Milt wanted him to. I dunno.

When we went around the circle, and I said "my name's Jon, and I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, I got 6 years 7 months and 3 days clean and sober," I didn't feel so dam proud of myself at that point, like I usually do. I couldn't even take my eyes off the floor.

Cuz here's my brother James, who had 10 years - 10 frikin YEARS - sober. So *** am I crowin about? 6+ years. Big stinkin deal.

Dang.

Please pray for James, guys.

Thanks
jon

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven.
-- Thomas Fuller

Often we're afraid to forgive others who've hurt us because we believe that, in doing so, we are permitting what they've done. This is not true. When we forgive, we are saying, "I pardon you, I give up any claim for revenge, you are no longer an enemy."

Relationships are not all black and white. We can forgive people and still not want to spend time with them. Forgiveness is for ourselves. It is a housecleaning of the heart. It feels good to sweep out the resentments and bitterness, lift up the windows, and let in the forgiveness.

Today let me offer forgiveness, either silently or out loud, to someone who has hurt me.








This is a timely subject for me A good friend in the program presented this suggestion to me the other day. I kind of follow what it says in the Bible, to some extent. Where it says: "If someone wrongs you, turn the other cheek."

I'm OK with that, it's usually better to move on and not dwell on what they did, let go. :thumbsup:

As for turning the other cheek twice, I'm not real good at that. You eff me once, and I'm not likely to forgive the 2nd time. And if I do forgive the 2nd time, and you exhibit the same manipulative behavior again, I usually push people like that out of my life for good. I wish I could be better at that, but because of the family I grew up with, that's been a survival tactic for me.

So if anyone has suggestions on how to get beyond that, I'm all ears. :learn:








***************
Jon, I'm both happy and sad to hear about your friend James. It reminds me of my long- time friend who is now back in the program after a long run on the streets where he almost died. He's the one who I frequently talk about here.


His wisdom, now that he's sober, is very valuable to me. He never kisses aZZ or tells me what I want to hear. The other day, because all the stuff that's now going on in my life, he suggested I pray for those who have caused me the most harm, and continue this behavior. I flat-out rejected it at first, but am trying to give it a shot.


All I know is without my friend being back from the "dead", I might not have listened to that suggestion if it came from someone else. And I'm trying, because I value his wisdom.


Your words and characterization above suggests your friend James was a valuable part of your life. I will pray to God he is able to make it back in the program.


Honestly, right now, it sounds like it could go either way for him. He could very well be dead at the end of the month. I don't like to suggest that, but I think you value my honesty as well.


The important thing is...he's going to meetings. That's a big step, whether he initiated it or not. Whether he lives or dies is up to him. I will add him to my prayers each day, Jon.

I'll pray for him now and every day until you let us know he has finally settled in to a new beginning.



"Lord, please help your lost one James, find his way back into the program. He has had many chances before, and this time it looks like he may not make it. But in your benevolence and compassion Lord, please help this man James as he struggles to overcome the demons within him, and please give him the guidance you can. Please show him the way, as we believe he has something important to offer this world in his sobriety. Thank you, Lord. Amen"

[jonthepain]

Thanks Rich.

[DarkSkies]

Drunk jokes -
Time for a little humor here. Although drunk driving is no joke, (I know people who have lost loved ones to drunk drivers). I think this joke illustrates the denial in alcoholics in their addiction, so I'm gonna post it.
Sent in by Speedy, thanks!


How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?When you swerve to miss a tree.... And realize its the ******* air freshner!

13134

[dogfish]

t&p for James.

[DarkSkies]

2 parter today:

"Come to the edge," he said. "No, we will fall," they replied. They came to the edge. He pushed them . . . and they flew.
--Apollinaire

Without courage it is virtually impossible to progress along the spiritual path. Courage enables us to face the fears that arise when we go for what we want.

Courage often involves going against conventional wisdom and walking the path alone. It takes courage to give up the high paying job and work part-time while you start your own business on the side. It takes courage to leave an unworkable relationship. It takes courage to face the pain of one's childhood and seek to heal it. In short, it takes courage to be oneself.

People ask, "How can I have courage when I'm afraid?" The answer is clear. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to move forward in spite of it. When fear comes up in your life, fully feel and experience it. If you try to push it away, it will only expand.

Say to your fear, "I acknowledge you. But as I connect with my higher knowing, I see that you are not in alignment with my true calling. Because I have the courage and the faith to follow my heart, I am moving ahead with my plans in spite of you." Then proceed. Like the actor whose stage fright leaves in the first moments of the play, yours will fade as you actively embrace your own unique destiny - with courage.


2nd part:
Coping with Families

There are many paths to self-care with families. Some people choose to sever connections with family members for a period of time. Some people choose to stay connected with family members and learn different behaviors. Some disconnect for a time, and then return slowly on a different basis.

There is no one or perfect way to deal with members of our family in recovery. It is up to each of us to choose a path that suits us and our needs at each point in time.

The idea that is new to us in recovery is that we can choose. We can set the boundaries we need to set with family members. We can choose a path that works for us, without guilt and obligation or undue influence from any source, including recovery professionals.

Our goal is to detach in love with family members. Our goal is to be able to take care of ourselves, love ourselves, and live healthy lives despite what family members do or don't do. We decide what boundaries or decisions are necessary to do this.

It's okay to say no to our families when that is what we want. It's okay to say yes to our families if that feels right. It's okay to call time out and it's okay to go back as a different person.

God, help me choose the path that is right for me with family. Help me understand there is no right or wrong in this process. Help me strive for forgiveness and learn to detach with love, whenever possible. I understand that this never implies that I have to forfeit self-care and health for the good of the system.



This was ironic that this was the reading for today. Family issues were weighing me down and causing me distress. I prayed about it, but it didn't seem like it would resolve itself. In the end, those wiser than me saw the insanity for what it was, and the charades and manipulations exactly for what they were.

If anyone reading this ever gets down because you think you have the worst family in the world, or the most perplexing issues, feel free to contact me in private...I can assure you nothing shocks me, I've most likely heard or lived your story,. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

went to my meeting last night...James was there, hammered as usual, but is opening up somewhat.

topic was worry. appropriate for me. very weird, tho, cuz sunday i talked to 3 very close friends of mine about junk that was bothering me, and they all said exactly the same thing.
strange that they would say the exact same thing, i hit them one at a time as i just ran across them at various places sunday. all three said, with no introductory words:

"sufficient unto today is the evil thereof." which i think is matthew 6:32

now that's strange enough,, but then the whole point of last night was - just live today as it comes, quick worrying about yourself so much, about what you did in the past and what's gonna happen to you tomorrow.

ya think God is trying to tell me something?

[jonthepain]

oh yeah ps thanks Dark for calling the wife on her birthday!

that was awesome. I owe you one!

jc

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I find it awfully hard to give myself a break. I don't know where that attitude comes from.
--Walker I.

"I can't. I shouldn't. It's my fault." These self-abasing and self-defeating thoughts are expressions of shame. Because repeated thoughts turn into beliefs and long-held beliefs turn into actions, thoughts rooted in shame can lead to tragedy.

People who live in shame come to believe that it is not okay to make a mistake. They imagine they should know what to do without having to learn it. They think their wrong judgments mean they themselves are wrong.

But it is human to make mistakes. If we acknowledge we are human, we are defining ourselves as people who always have something to learn (Thomas Edison failed to perfect the light bulb until his ten-thousandth try). We are saying we have to keep going if our plans don't work out right away (Walt Disney went bankrupt seven times before he met with success).

"Thou shalt not be human" is the command of shame. What rubbish! How can we be anything else? Why would we want to be?

I pray I will live comfortably with human limitations. I will try to accept from myself what I accept from others.




********************
Jon, I can relate to what ya said above. I worry obsessively, part of my OCD issues. But I'm not afraid to goof up or fail. We're all human, make mistakes, get back up again after dusting ourselves off. Onward and upward. :thumbsup:

Glad to see James is going to meetings. Drunk or not, he's showing up there for some reason. Unless he was ordered to go by the court and HAS to be there, you can still have hope at him making the effort. The thing about meetings, eventually they make getting drunk or high not as fun anymore because they raise awareness of the damage we're doing to our bodies, families, and lives.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

Tell him to keep comin back, I'm still praying for him.

As for those great things I told yer wife about ya, I usually charge $1.79 for those embellishment calls. :laugh:
(I'll waive the charges this time cause you're such a bro.) :cool:
Good luck, we all need to pray for sunny times ahead. :)

[jonthepain]

got a fb friend request from an old drinking buddy today - we chatted some, and it turns out he quit!

wtg Robert.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Ordinary moments ... they in turn enrich our lives

Our spiritual life is on the same plane as our everyday relationships. It's not just something within our mind or feelings, and it's not just lofty and in the clouds. Spirituality is between people and in all relationships. Its growth depends on the way we relate to each other as intimate partners. We find it in our relationship to ordinary things like the bread we eat and the water we drink. Spirituality is found in the ways we honor our body with food and touch, work and rest, and in the ways we honor each other.

We jointly extend our spirituality through relationships with others. As we become friends with others or as we welcome people into our home, we receive them with hospitality because God is found in each of them. When we reach out to others or receive them as guests, they in turn enrich and bless our lives. This spiritual practice of hospitality has ancient roots all over the world. It teaches us to relate with generous hospitality to all guests who appear at our door.

Do something generous for someone today.


Amen!


*******************
And congrats on your friend Robert coming into the Program, Jon. :clapping: :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

thanks, dark!

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I will love you no matter what. I will love you if you are stupid, if you slip and fall on your face, if you do the wrong thing, if you make mistakes, if you behave like a human being - I will love you no matter.
--Leo Buscaglia

Wouldn't it be nice if there were just one person in our lives who loved us no matter what our faults? And wouldn't it be equally nice if we, too, could love just one person in the same way?

Love is not an easy emotion for us to feel. In the past we may have associated feelings of love with negative feelings such as pain, hurt, rejection, or disappointment. But we can put the negative feelings aside and learn how to feel love as a positive emotion.

Love does not necessarily mean sexual attraction or commitment. Love can simply be seeing someone for who he or she is, whether that person is a friend, coworker, boss, family member, or lover. To show love, we can keep our actions simple - by making a phone call, writing a letter, or sharing a hug. Let's show someone we care.






Good one for Valentines Day -

Even if you don't have a girlfriend or wife Valentines Day is a good day to tell someone in your life....Mom, sister, Aunt, etc, how important they are, and loved. Pass out a hug today, it will come back as good mojo. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
--Anonymous

We addicts need to be very careful when we feel worried because it can lead to relapse. So how can we stop worrying? We can take some clear steps.

First, we need to determine the root of our worry. If necessary, it may help to write down our problem. Second, we should answer these questions: How likely is it that this problem will actually happen? How serious is the problem? How much control do we have over it? Third, we need to make a plan. What could we do about the problem? What would this action solve? Sometimes the best thing we can do is let go. Fourth, we should talk it all over with our sponsor, someone who has faced worry and stays sober.

When we take these steps, we usually learn one of two things; there is a smarter way to handle the problem, or there is nothing we can do about it.

Prayer for the Day

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Today's Action

If I have a worry, I will follow the steps above. If I am not worried today, I will call my sponsor and talk about how the Serenity Prayer helps me avoid worry.













I'm a good one for worrying, I tend to over-think or over-analyze things. The serenity prayer has really helped me with that. All we have is today, and that's all we need to focus on right now.

[mick2360]

Worry used to be one of my favorite pastimes; it was a form of mental impotence which kept me stuck and, given enough time and attention, usually morphed into anger and resentment. Sobriety is a lot about taking stock of a situation, being responsible for what is mine and then DOING THE RIGHT THING.

Easier said than done but well within the range of possibility. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

well put mick.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We don't need crutches.

We are unique and wonderful people. We have weaknesses, yes, and we also have strengths beyond our imagining.

Perhaps we needed a crutch at one time. We got used to it, and even though it was in our way and slowed us down, we were afraid to venture forth without it. Gradually, the crutch began to control our movements and take over our life. We became its slave.

Then we were invited to consider the possibility of a Higher Power that would eliminate our need for a crutch. Intrigued, we began to practice relying on this Higher Power in concrete ways on a daily basis.

We are learning how to walk again. Scary sometimes, without the old props, but Step by Step we're on our way to recovery.

Just for today, I will put away the crutches I no longer need and rely on my Higher Power.





*****************

Good insight, Mick. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

miracle report - James went into detox a week ago friday. He'll be coming home Tuesday.

He is lucid and seems to want sobriety pretty bad. But I think he'd be better off in a program somewhere and not sitting home alone again.

Now we need to pray that he won't pick up again.

thanks
jon

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I'm slipping when I begin to dislike the company and conversation of the Program.
--Anonymous

There is a reason why a lamb gets separated from a flock. The flock will be eating on a particular pasture and a lamb will take a fancy to graze just off to the edge of the field. So the lamb takes a little nibble of this grass. Then he moves just ever so slightly further from the edge and takes another little nibble, then just a bit further and another nibble.

Each little nibble of grass takes the lamb further and further from the flock. After awhile, having eaten enough grass, the lamb pokes his head up and notices that the flock has left him. B-A-A-A-A-A! The lamb wails. How could his flock have left him?

I will begin slipping when I stop paying attention to my flock. My group will not leave me: I will leave my group. I will leave like the lamb, just one conversation, and one meeting at a time. After awhile I, too, could end up wailing for help just like the little lamb.













*********
That's great news Jon! Last night we visited my friend who I talk a lot about on here, the one who almost died and came back from the dead. He recently celebrated 4 years, ODAT. I pray that James keeps his focus and listens to feedback from those with sobriety. We're hoping for the best for him, thanks for sharing the positive. :HappyWave:

[rip316]

Good luck to you John.

[jonthepain]

We're hoping for the best for him, thanks for sharing the positive. :HappyWave:
you're welcome

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

You had better live your best and act your best and think your best today: for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows that follow.
--Harriet Martineau

The word "sanity" is derived from the Latin word sanitas, which means "health." In our group, we think of health as wholeness of mind, body, and spirit.

One way to achieve health and wholeness is by living one day at a time. To do this successfully, we need to realize we cannot undo a single act we performed or unsay any harsh words spoken in the past. No matter how much we may regret or re-feel yesterday's painful experiences, there is nothing we can do to change what happened. The past is forever beyond our control.

The same thing is true of the future. No matter how much we may worry and fret over it, very few of us can predict what tomorrow will bring. We can only prepare for a hope-filled future by living fully and confidently today.

TODAY is all I have. Let me make the most of it.





Amen.