One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[mick2360]

Having been in peril of death due to alcohol and drug abuse has been a huge factor in my recovery. I used to feel as if I escaped a fire, getting out with my skin while all else was destroyed. Then recovery began to set in and I realized that what I had lost was the cost of freedom from active addiction. As my recovery has progressed in the eighteen years since Day 1, my life has grown immeasurably richer and more full of blessings than I could ever have imagined. Today I am grateful for the lows and degradation that my addictions brought me to; they have given me perspective which helps me to make the most of my new life.

[jonthepain]

they have given me perspective which helps me to make the most of my new life.

perspective - now there's something i need early and often. thanks for that.

btw word on the street is that James has relapsed after doing so well for 10 days...i'll let you all know when i know for sure what's up

jc

[mick2360]

Jon, I needed everyone of my relapses to get it right. I will add James to my prayer list and pray that he uses his ten good days to compare what relapse brought him to. It is through such pain that we make wise choices. Prayer out.

Mick

[jonthepain]

thanks mick

[DarkSkies]

Love it the way it is.
--Thaddeus Colas

It's easy to love people who are like us, who may have been raised the same way, educated the same way, share the same values, or have had many of the same experiences. It's not as easy to love people who seem different. But if we are to fulfill God's plan for us, we should try.

It's not easy, either, to love the way we feel sometimes, or the unpleasant things that happen to us. But, like the people who are "different" from us, even our negative feelings need to be loved. Our fears, frustrations, pain, boredom, despair - these are part of us and they oftentimes have a greater purpose.

We may not think it's possible to love how we feel, but we can make the decision to love everything about ourselves - and then we can see what happens. We may not know God's purpose, but we may understand better if we learn to love ourselves the way we are.

I don't know God's plan for me, but I accept myself and others in love.



****************
Jon, continuing to keep James in my prayers. A relapse doesn't have to be the end of a new beginning. As someone progresses in their disease, a relapse and recovery becomes more difficult. I hope James gets another chance. :thumbsup:
You're a good friend for being there in case he needs help.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by an old friend, recently celebrating 4 yrs sobriety. :HappyWave:


Fw: Law of the Garbage Truck (http://emailsfromgrandpa.com/?p=16)


Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, ‘Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.
Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,

so … Love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don’t.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!
Have a garbage-free Day !

[jonthepain]

James called me last night, had been drinking, talked for 56 minutes.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The only limits to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. Let us move forward with a strong and active faith.
-- Franklin D. Roosevelt

When following the inner voice, one must deal with the experience of uncertainty. The future is not laid out and comes down to trust – trusting that the support will be there; that the money will come; that if one path does not work out, another one will open up.

We can develop this trust from experience. We step out in faith the first time, and the Universe supports us. We step out again and the assistance is there. After several experiences, we begin to feel comfortable living by faith – our "invisible means of support." We no longer need to know ahead of time how everything will work out.

So make the decision. Let go of the worry, the anxiety, and the doubt. Have faith in your connection to universal principles, for it is here that your true security lies. The Universe will not abandon you if you maintain your connection to it. Keep the faith, and the faith will keep you.












*************************
Jon, drunk or not, he called you, that's a positive sign. The pain is involved in his indecisions. He has to make those choices, no one can make them for him. Still in my prayers. Keep the faith. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Accepting Love

Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.

To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.

We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find its own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?

Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?

We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help ourselves, the other person, or the relationship by trying to force it or by doing all the work.

Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.

Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.




Some people out there only know or see the sarcastic/critical side of me. That's part of who I am, as I'm critical of myself as well. Others who know me well know I would give you the shirt off my back if you needed a shirt or anything else.

The thing about addicts and alcoholics is that we tend to be overly selfish, or overly generous. Many of us operate in the extremes of life. As we recover, we learn that there is a balance to everything.

The above sentences may make some people uncomfortable to read. "What do you mean, accepting love in a relationship? Rich,you may ask.... Are you just talking about couples or married people?"


Nope, I'm talking about everyone out there. If you want to enrich your life, you have to be willing to love people other than immediate family, spouses, or girlfriends. You don't have to love everyone or even like them. But you have to be willing, if you want to move forward. On the other hand, you as an addict or alcoholic have to know when you are too giving, or too easy for someone to take advantage of.

Balance is the key here. Good topic. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We wonder, "How can I ever say this?"

We need to be free to talk about anything in our intimate relationships. Some things are very hard to say - an old secret we have never told before, a feeling or an observation our partner does not want to hear, a mistake we made that calls for confession. We wonder, "How can I ever say this? How can I avoid hurting myself or my partner?"

Not all things need to be said at once. Readiness is the first part. We can get ourselves ready to speak. The second part is timing. When we are ready, we wait for a good moment to appear, a moment in which our message will fit. The third part is love. Honesty coupled with care and love is healing and strengthening. Some pain is necessary in a growing relationship, and we can tolerate it because it leads to more understanding and more peace of mind.

Think of one new thing you would like to tell your mate about your thoughts, feelings, or behavior.





















Great advice for couples. Just shows you don't have to be an alcoholic to get advice from this thread. :learn: :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thoughts from Hazelden are:

F.I.N.E.
[I'm] Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional

F.E.A.R.
Face Everything And Recover

N.U.T.S.
Not Using The Steps

E.G.O.
Edging God Out.

D.E.N.I.A.L.
Don't Even Notice I Am Lying.

H.A.L.T.
[Don't get too] Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired.

H.O.P.E.
Happy Our Program Exists

H.O.W.
Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness

S.P.O.N.S.O.R.
Sober Person Offering Newcomers Suggestions On Recovery.

G.O.D.
Good Orderly Direction

B.I.G. B.O.O.K.
Believing In God Beats Our Old Knowledge.

S.L.I.P.
Sobriety Losing Its Priority.

A.C.T.I.O.N.
Any Change To Improve Our Nature.

P.R.O.G.R.A.M.
People Relying On God Relaying A Message.

S.T.E.P.S.
Solutions To Every Problem Sober

K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple, Sweetheart



I remember the KISS as Keep It Simple, Stupid. :)
Seems they've gotten nicer with the words over the years. These are good acronyms not only for alcoholics and addicts, but "Earth people" as well. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Even if you understand and follow all of the rules for more effectively engaging manipulators, life with them is not likely to be easy.
--George K. Simon Jr.

Sometimes they want something. Sometimes they want someone to give them something or to feel a particular way. They want power in some way, shape, or form. Manipulators prey on our weak spots.

Obsession and guilt are weapons. Manipulators get us to use these weapons on ourselves.

Sometimes we can disengage from manipulators - walk away, set a clear limit, be done with them. Other times, it's not that easy. We may be at least temporarily stuck with a boss or authority figure that indulges in heavy manipulation. One of our children may be going through a relentlessly manipulative period. We may have a parent whom we care about deeply who has adapted manipulation as a way of life.

(That statement reminds me of the character Marie, the Mom, on Everyone Loves Raymond. Anyone know a person like her? :scared:)




Learn how to effectively deal with manipulators. Not everyone means what they say. . . Learn to recognize when others are telling you what they believe you want to hear. Learn to not react, stay clear, practice nonresistance, and stay true to yourself.

Be gentle with yourself if you have a manipulator in your life. You're not responsible for the other person's attempts at manipulation. You're responsible for staying clear.

God, help me let go the weak spots in myself that allow me to fall prey to manipulations. Help me stay clear of guilt and obsession so I can decide what's best for me.





I know manipulators all too well because I have them in my family. If you're trying to identify and steer clear of people like this, they're usually the kinds of people who blame everyone else for what's happening to them in life. They don't like to take responsibility, and seem to have an excuse for everything. Yet the guilt and twisting of the truth are everyday behaviors for these people. Some of them have been lying for so long, they think no one notices. :don't know why:

The thing is, once you learn to recognize the behavior you start to see these people as transparent as they really are. There is no real substance to them, it's all part of the game they play. , But we do, and gradually learn to exclude these people from our daily lives, whether they are family OR friends.

Learn to recognize the signs, and gradually weed people like this out of your life when possible. You will be much healthier for it. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

When we do for other people what they should do for themselves, we both stay stuck.

Perhaps it's human nature to grow and change only when we have to. Unrelenting pain can serve as a motivator. Sometimes ultimatums are effective too. But making excuses for others or taking over their responsibilities, even when it's for their benefit, never inspires change. We're learning that the only change we can be certain of is one we make in ourselves.

One of the first changes we can make is to let go of others: their opinions, their behavior, and their responsibilities. Our need for them to fulfill our expectations is related to our insecurity, not theirs. Every time we preach or take on others' duties, we must recognize that we are preventing much-needed growth, ours and theirs.

Our intentions might always have been good. But the time has come to let others live their own lives. It's quite enough to take care of ourselves.

I will not do someone else's task today. Growth comes from each of us being responsible for ourselves.






**********
Some people are selfish because that's their nature, who they are.
That's not what the above passages talk about.

I helped someone I know the other day. She had a 12"TV because the big one she had gave up. So she watches a log of TV. I felt sorry for her and gave her mine. 2 weeks later it wassn't connected, so I was there fixing something and hooked it up for her. I got the main cable goping and explained she would have to re-set the channels.

She freaked out, and asked me to re-connect the old TV. I did that, and explained she would have to connect the cable feed to the new TV eventually, and no matter which TV she used would ahve to re-set the channels.

Sometimes it's better to let people help themselves, no matter how much they struggle. That's all.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate.
-- William Arthur Ward

Manipulation is not foreign to most of us. We have probably manipulated and been manipulated. Manipulators may or may not be aware of what they're doing. There may be no malice involved. Often, the only intention is to find the means to continue an addictive behavior. Manipulation, however, can be terrifying if we're the end receiver. We may also deny that it's happening, usually because we're so confused by it all. But when we realize the truth, we're frightened not only by what's happened, but also by what could happen. We've fallen for this before, what's to prevent us from falling for it again?

We do our best to detach from the manipulator. This may mean letting go physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. The more distance we have, the easier it is to see the truth, to recognize the manipulation. When we must have contact, we keep our head on straight. We don't need to answer to anyone right away. As time goes on, we're better able to identify and to deal appropriately with manipulative behavior.

Today I will have the courage to own the truth.




I have a special BS detector for people who manipulate. My family unfortunately has a few serial manipulators, and I've had to watch their selfish behavior for years until I cut off ties with them,.

So it may seem I have a bias against people like that, and I do. Everything I achieved in life I got through hard work and sweat. I have no tolerance for those who want to skate through life and are unwilling to do their share of the work. If you have people like this in your life, cut them out of it. It may hurt, but you will be freer in the end. :learn:

[jonthepain]

James got another DUI last wednesday. had been refusing to go to meetings; now we know why.

Don't think he'll get out of jail time this go round. they let him skate last time so he could go to detox instead.

I think that sometimes the Lord taps you on the shoulder, but if you ignore it, he just might use a 2 x 4.

[DarkSkies]

Sometimes we need a 2x4' Jon. It's either that or death.
Sorry to hear the news, but plenty of people have gotten sober in jail.
Maybe he'll be glad to have you visit him.
Still praying for his eventual sobriety. :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Nothing happens to any man that he is not formed by nature to bear.
--Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

Reflecting on the past reveals that indeed we do find the strength and the ability to cope with whatever experience ripples our calm. Moreover, we have come to accept that these tides of turmoil wash in new awarenesses, heightened perceptions, and measurable calm.

Tragedies are guaranteed to trigger first pain, then perceptible growth, and finally, tranquility. Over and over again we pass through these stages that are designed to nurture our fuller development as healthy human beings. Over and over we see that the tough times teach us what we're ready to learn.

We can look to the day ahead fully expecting to be strengthened enough to handle whatever we've been readied to experience. Nothing will present itself that can't be coped with.

Today I can be certain of growing. I will meet the challenges in unison with my inner strength.


******************
I have a friend who lives in LI. He's been putting off needed surgery for a few years now because it's high-risk and there's only a 50% survival rate. He has a tumor, which is benign so far.However, it's growing. The problem is, it's near his brain and optic nerve. So if he does survive,they might not be able to save his sight.

This is tough for him because he's addicted to fishing. When everything else has gone wrong in his life, he still has had that constant, of being able to fish. He told me if he can't fish, he would rather be dead. I know that feeling, and can definitely identify. :fishing:

Yesterdy, we were talking about his pending surgery April 14.
The words in the passage above were ones he used. He said "that which does not kill you, makes you stronger"

I'm praying for him. He's a big tough guy and doesn't like to admit weakness or fear. I think we're all worried for him on this one. The passage above reminded me that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. No matter how bleak things look, you have to tell yourself there is light at the end of the tunnel. And if you have faith, there will be....:learn:

[jonthepain]

praying for him.

also please pray for Seth Beaver's family. He was my Defensive Captain last year (I'm the defensive coordinator of a HS football team.)

He was killed in a car wreck Sunday. He was a great kid (17 yr old) who played guitar for his church worship team, and was also a volunteer firefighter.

This is Seth scoring a key pick 6 at a game I coached last season.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/seth_touchdown.jpg

thanks
jon

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

When people don't forgive, they probably shorten their lives.
--Doris Donnelly

Sometimes forgiveness seems impossible and we feel stuck in the quicksand of our own resentment. When everything else fails, we can try the "First Five People Forgiveness Plan." Each morning we make a decision to forgive the first five people we come in contact with who make us mad. We forgive all five people without analyzing or deciding if they deserve to be forgiven. We promptly forgive each one of them without exception.

This simple plan can work wonders for those of us who usually hold on to resentments and anger. Letting go of anger and resentment lets us feel our loving side. In learning to forgive others we can begin learning about how to forgive ourselves, too.

Today let me also remember that I, too, deserve forgiveness.

This is good advice because holding resentments against people takes up valuable time and energy from our lives. Some of the posts in this thread talk about not letting others take advantage of you, or avoiding people who are toxic to yur life.


Forgiveness is a separate issue from that.

In forgiving others, we do not condone or sanction what they have done. Rather, we put the stress out of our lives with this simple act. Simply stated, it allows us to move on to more productive challenges. :learn:





**********************
Jon, I am so sorry to hear about Seth. It's a tragedy when someone is taken away from us, more so when they are so young. For me, I always wonder what might have happened in that person's life,, what achievements they might have accomplished. My deepest condolences, and prayers for you and the family.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png

[jonthepain]

thanks, Rich

[DarkSkies]

Welcome, Jon. I'll call ya after the funeral.

*****************



Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Friendship with oneself is very important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
--Eleanor Roosevelt

What do we need from a friend? Let's think about that for a moment and see if it applies to how we treat ourselves.

Let's start with the basics: A friend is for us, not against us. That means a friend won't do anything to harm us if he or she can possibly help it. A friend is there for us when we need understanding, tells us the truth, and does the things he or she promises to do. A friend likes to be around us, thinks we are a good person, and believes we are honest. A friend shares what is going on in his or her life and cares about what is going on in ours. A friend does things to help us feel happy. A friend forgives us when we ask for forgiveness.

We do these things for our friends. And we do a much better job of them now that we are sober. But do we do them for ourselves? It's a question worth thinking about: Am I a good friend to myself?

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me pay attention to myself the way I pay attention to my friends.

Today's Action

I will have a little friend-to-friend visit with myself right now. How am I doing? What's going on with me? Want to go for a walk and talk, catch up on things?



When I first read this, I felt kind of funny. It seemed stupid to me. A lot of these readings may seem stupid to some people, and at times I would agree. But usually there is some kernel of truth or wisdom in them that makes reading them worthwhile, at least to me. :learn:

It may not hit you while you are reading it, but somewhere down the road, it will come to you, It's like going to meetings. Some people may not feel they are getting something out of them because they do not identify with what is being said.

A long time ago, early in my sobriety, I was told to go and listen. And then listen some more, trying to draw parallels with what was being said to my own life. Today I still try to follow that, and am most content when I do. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

If I should lose, let me stand by the road and cheer as the winners go by.
--Berton Bradley

If we are to be among the winners in the recovery from addiction and obsession, we must maintain the attitude of success. Winners in any Twelve Step program take fearless inventories, correct shortcomings, and willingly make amends. By taking charge of ourselves in this manner, we neither blame nor credit others or events. With confidence and willingness, we hold ourselves responsible for our lives.

We take responsibility for our pre-program faults and conduct. We can then count ourselves among those who, with the help of our Higher Power, can control compulsive and excessive behavior. But we don't do it with pride. We do it with humility and gratitude.

I will begin to lose hold of a winning attitude if I choose to leave spiritual growth to chance. I must make life happen, not let it happen to me.





God helps those who help themselves. :learn:

[jonthepain]

God helps those who help themselves.

simple, huh? you'd think so, anyway.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Reflection for the Day

The Program is a road, not a resting place. Before we came to The Program - and, for some of us, many times afterward - most of us looked for answers to our living problems in religion, philosophy, psychology, self-help groups, and so on. Invariably, these fields held forth the goals that were precisely what we wanted; they offered freedom, calm, confidence and joy. But there was one major loophole: They never gave us a workable method of getting there. They never told us how to get from where we were to where we were supposed to be. Do I truly believe that I can find everything that I need and really want through the Twelve Steps?

Today I Pray

May I know that, once through the Twelve Steps, I am not on a plane surface. For life is not a flat field, but a slope upward. And those flights of steps must be taken over and over and remembered. May I be sure that once I have made them totally familiar to me, they will take me anywhere I want to go.

Today I Will Remember

The Steps are a road, not a resting place.








******************
Keeping it simple......
Jon if it were so simple I wouldn't have to keep repeating it to myself as well. :cool: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

rofl

point.

[jonthepain]

If there's anybody around, I won't have to look far for happiness today.

go ahead, make my day

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/go-ahead-make-my-day1.jpg

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Rebellion against your handicaps gets you nowhere. Self-pity gets you nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world - making the most of one's best.
--Harry Emerson Fosdick

What am I doing with what I've got? Instead of despairing over my lack of abilities in certain areas, am I doing the best with the talents I've been given?

All of us have unique gifts and abilities. Some of us work well with our hands; others are gifted at working with abstract ideas. Whatever our abilities, we would do well to concentrate on bringing those we can do to fruition rather than focus on our limitations.

Greek philosopher Epictetus put it this way: "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." German poet and dramatist Goethe said, "The man who is born with a talent which he is meant to use finds his greatest happiness in using it."

TODAY, let me not concentrate on my handicaps as much as on my abilities. I know I have been given all I need to make my life a success.


We all have hidden talents. The key to happiness is to find them and explore them to the best of our ability. :thumbsup:





*************
Jon, cool pic, big fan of the early Dirty Harry movies. :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Martyrs set bad examples.
--David Russell

Sometimes we call people "martyrs." We think of them as victims. They suffer, but sometimes not for a cause. They play "poor me." They want people to notice how much they suffer. They are afraid to really live. These are the people who set bad examples.

True martyrs died for causes they believed in. We remember them because they were so full of energy and spirit.

We can also live a life full of energy and spirit. Recovery helps us live better. Let's go for it!

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power - thanks for giving me energy and for healing my spirit. Help me live fully by putting my life in Your care.

Action for the Day

What kind of example do I set? Does my life reflect joy for life and recovery?


********************
I feel this way when around "poor me" people. I have people in my family like this. They're always complaining that the glass is half-empty. Why not consider that the glass is half-full?

If you complain about everything, and expect things to be handed to you without working for them, there will be a gradual transition in who gathers around you. No one wants to be around people who still complain, even when given opportunities to do better.


There are no guarantees in life, only opportunities. In fact, a friend and I were discussing this when we were discussing fishing last night. :fishing: No one can promise you'll catch a fish when you get out there. If your attitude is "well the bite will be over by the time I get there"... you might as well give up fishing and take up golf.

You can apply this to many scenarios. Food for thought. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[jonthepain]

... They're always complaining that the glass is half-empty...

the glass isn't half full or half empty, it just needs more beer

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

If the best man's faults were written on his forehead, it would make him pull his hat over his eyes.
--Gaelic proverb

When we deal with our faults and imperfections, we are dealing with the basic issues of being a person. We can become bitter and cynical about the imperfections of others, or we can realize every person is incomplete but growing, just as we are. The way we look at the faults in others and the way we look at our own are closely tied together. In our spiritual journey, we must begin with the premise that no person ever achieves perfection.

Perfection apparently is not what this life is about at all, since perfection is nonexistent. We are lovable, and we can love in the process of living our lives. Since we are not perfect, we have to be accountable. We must have standards for our behavior and hold ourselves to those standards, admitting our mistakes and making repairs where we can.

I will try to acknowledge my mistakes and give up the idea of ever becoming perfect.

Some heavy meaning in those highlighted words above. :learn:




**************

the glass isn't half full or half empty, it just needs more beer

Jon, that's the trouble with whiners, they say "poor me" http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.pngall the time, while the real unasked request is "pour me another drink." :plastered:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Love is the lamp that lights the universe: without that light . . . the earth is a barren promontory and man the quintessence of dust.
--Mary Elizabeth Braddon

All of us are lighted by love. Childcare, car repair, concluding a report - are easier tasks when we know we're loved. We don't feel quite as alone and conspicuous in a crowd of strangers when we recall that someone special loves us. No new adventure, first plane trip, or first day of a class or new job feels quite as threatening when we've got the company of a loved one in our hearts and minds.

You might be thinking, "But I don't have a special loved one now." How narrowly we define being loved. We have friends who love us, who think of us even when we're not present - just as we think of them. And no one of us is ever away from the protective realm of a Higher Power who loves us always and everywhere we go.

Wherever we look there is someone who, like us, will find the day easier if he remembers he's loved.



As said by the above words, Love should be looked at in a broad sense. Many people think of love as only romantic love. In our relationships and friendships we have, htere are all kinds of ways to show others we love and care about them. For me, whenever I see or come across something that someone I know might be interested in, I try to mention it to them.

It seems too simple to some, but in that way we cement the foundations of our relationships, It causes our friendships to grow and remain strong. All relationships need nurturing from time to time.

Ask yourself if you have done this in your relationships lately. And if you haven't, try to put some extra effort into it.

The rewards are worth it. :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/tornado5.jpg

here...it...comes

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Do I ever find myself around people who are negative? Are these people constantly complaining or criticizing others or their situation? Am I starting to feel like they're affecting my attitude or outlook?

I don't have to give other people that much power over my life. I can choose how I feel and what kind of attitude I have. I don't have to listen to the negativity of others. I can set an example for them by making positive statements or by having a positive attitude toward them.

Some people simply aren't happy unless they're unhappy. Today I will choose not to be one of them.

I have many things in my life to be grateful for, and I will not let the negativity of others affect me.



*****************
It's amazing in light of the occurrences in the last 24 hours that this is the reading for today.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

What I would say to others is try to surround yourselves with positive people. I have a lot of negative people in my family. They aren't happy with things and they complain all the time. It's like an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond", on a continual basis. :argue:

I've learned to ignore the negativity as much as possible, or at least not focus on it. I try to limit time with people like this as much as possible. That's the healthiest path I know, for mature growth and survival.

[jonthepain]

i second that.

[DarkSkies]

Glad to hear it, Jon. :HappyWave:


************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The cut worm forgives the plow.
--William Blake

Would anyone believe that rain abuses grass, or accuse roots, hungry for a better hold on life, of digging too far into earth's flesh? Look closely at the small world of busy life overturned in the garden each spring. No ant there curses another bug, and no worm curses itself. Though they can neither speak nor think, even small creatures know enough to accept their pain as a natural part of life.

Why, then, should we waste time blaming others, or ourselves, for the natural sensations of life?

In the process of new growth, can we expect no pain?


*************
No pain, no gain. :learn:

[jonthepain]

amen to that.

Hey Rich you should stop by my old church this sunday, calvary chapel old bridge. i used to play racquetball with the pastor, lloyd pulley. say hi for me if you go. but be prepared to disappear in the crowd; i think they seat several thousand now.

you will dig it. it's very informal and low key, usually everybody wears shorts and sandals, but i suspect there will be more khakis than shorts for Easter Sunday. and it's a young (if we are young) crowd.

check it out!
jc

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Let go of resentments

Resentments are sneaky, tricky little things. They can convince us they're justified. They can dry up our hearts. They can sabotage our happiness. They can sabotage love.

Most of us have been at the receiving end of an injustice at some time in our lives. Most of us know someone who's complained of an injustice we've done to him or her. Life can be a breeding ground for resentments, if we let it.

"Yes, but this time I really was wronged," we complain.

Maybe you were. But harboring resentment isn't the solution. If it were, our resentment list would resemble the Los Angeles telephone directory. Deal with your feelings. Learn whatever lesson is at hand. Then let the feelings go.

Resentments are a coping behavior, a tool of someone settling for survival in life. They're a form or revenge. The problem is, no matter whom we're resenting, the anger is ultimately directed against ourselves.

Take a moment. Search your heart. Have you tricked yourself into harboring resentment? If you have, take another moment and let that resentment go.

God, grant me the serenity that acceptance brings.



****************

When you let resentments pile up, eventually they act as poison or something toxic, affecting your whole being. Think about it, it ain't worth it....http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png


***************
Jon, thanks for the advice about that Chapel. Working on seeing if Pebbles will come with me.
I'd like nothing better to rub elbows with a bunch of transplanted hippies :ROFLMAO on a Sunday.... ;) :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

lol yah my type of people.

plenty of ex drunks too :D

If you run into Pastor Lloyd or Dennis and Karen Henderson, tell 'em Jon and Wendy Cawley said Hi!

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I get a massage almost every week no matter where I am, eat a healthy diet, schedule time alone, and if I get to a point where I feel I need a block of time...I'll cancel.
-- Anne Wilson Schaef

Do we love and care for our body as well as we love and care for our home and car? Do we feel our body deserves full attention and a loving maintenance plan?

Taking our body for granted is easy because of its remarkable durability and regenerative power. We may get lulled into a false sense of "nine lives" body security, believing our physical being will fix itself no matter what.

Self-care takes time and priority planning to be successful. We may find we put off our exercise and nutritional needs saying, "Tomorrow I'll start taking better care of myself." But sooner or later tomorrow comes, and our body produces symptoms that demand attention.

Learning to love and nurture our body brings rewards without measure. We deserve to reap the benefits starting today.

Today let me realize that respect for my body builds a healing temple in which the rest of my life can grow.








As we get older, it's important to stay in shape. We see people in their 30's who die from smoking, heart attacks, or the complications from heart disease, etc. Any one of these people could be us. Those among us who this applies to, gradually open our eyes and see it. Congrats to Rip and Cardoc for quitting smoking. :thumbsup:

It may take longer for some than for others to see this, but eventually we realize we won't live forever and need to start taking better care of our bodies.

After struggling with extra weight for years, and having diabetes and heart disease prevalent in my family, I can tell you people I went on a diet and lost 18lbs so far. I still have about 15more lbs to go and will try to maintain that with exercise. Pebbles and I are trying to walk as much as possible as part of a routine.

I also want to congratulate Mick2360, who I talked to just the other day as he was walking. He lost 90lbs !!!!! ..... and has kept it off for a few months now by continuing with the exercise. Some others here that I know of, Vpass, and a few more, congrats to all for wanting to live more years to be around for your families! (and putting a plan in place to do something about it.) :clapping::clapping: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :cool:

[jonthepain]

lost 50 lbs when i quit drinking. have put 30 of them back on.

hopefully with summer coming on and doing manual labor outside again i'll slim down some.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Happy people are likeable

Personal Relations

Who are the people we really like, and like to be with? Most of the time, they are happy people, people who like themselves and others.

Being happy is almost the entire secret of being likeable. Though no person can expect to be liked by everybody, the likeable people have the inside track most of the time.

How do we become happy and thus likeable? We're continuously told that happiness cannot be found in property, power, and prestige. It is rooted instead in self-acceptance, in feeling loved and wanted, and in giving genuine service, maybe just in the form of very useful work.

Twelve Step programs are structured to make us happy if we persevere long enough in working the individual steps. While it may seem contradictory, even people with heavy burdens and personal sorrows can find underlying happiness in the program. A great deal of this also hinges on our belief in a Higher Power and a confidence that we have a place in the universal system.

I can be happy today in spite of things that others would consider burdensome and depressing. Happiness really comes from God, and it also serves to attract friends into my life.


*********************
Some people are never happy, If you gave them a million dollars in dollar bills they would complain about the time needed to count it. :kooky: :d

Ask yourself....are you a "glass half empty"
or a
"glass half full" kind of person?

The person who exudes negativity will find others making excuses from being around them. Do you have people like this in your family? I do...if so the best advice I can give is to avoid them as much as possible. And try to pattern yourself into a person who others want to be around. It ain't easy, and we all slip up from time to time.... Overall, if we want to become better, more positive people, we can. :learn:



****************
Jon, still proud of ya that ya lost 20 of the 50, and kept it off. It's tough to lose weight when you're over 30. You're a hard worker, I'm sure this summer with that organic lawn business starting to take off you'll burn off some more pounds. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

Sorry about that, Chief.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/getsmartS1b.jpg

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

God insists that we ask, not because He needs to know our situation, but because we need the spiritual discipline of asking.
-- Catherine Marshall

An omniscient God must know what we desire before we ask. God knows that what we really need most is reliance on God. And how do we develop reliance? Like most other things, by practicing.

If it weren't for the need to remind us daily or hourly that all power flows from our Creator, we could just say a quick prayer at the beginning of each week, or each year, and be done with it. Surely God could fill our requests a year ahead of time. But getting our wishes granted isn't the purpose of prayer. Getting to know God is the purpose.

I need to be in touch with my Creator every hour of the day.



**************
Jon, you come up with the craziest stuff. I used to love Get Smart, classic. Brings back memories. I had a thing for Agent 99 and also Steed's sidekick on the Avengers. :drool: Good times. :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

yup. had it bad for all three.

agent 99
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/agent99.jpg

mrs emma peel
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/emmapeel2.jpg
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/emmapeel.jpg


Jeannie!
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/jeannie.jpg


still do

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

No matter what faces us - an unhappy relationship, a serious operation or illness, a feeling of uselessness or helplessness - it is vital to realize that there is a solution.

We must not expect that the solution to our problem will bring us immediate peace of mind. Focusing our energies and emotions on the answer - not the problem - will, however, alleviate much of the futility and frustration we feel.

A medical doctor, George S. Stevenson, wrote, "The solution may not give you everything you want. Sometimes, it may give you nothing but a chance to start all over again. But whatever little it gives you is much more than you give yourself by letting your emotions tear you apart."

Today I will focus my energies and emotions on the solution, not the problem. I will allow the solution to flow through me, with the help of my Higher Power, knowing there is a satisfactory answer to my difficulty.



************
Jon, thanks for posting those pics. Now I got morning wood, could be a problem today. :laugh:
You pushed me to find more pics of Emma Peel. God she was smokin! :drool:

[jonthepain]

Tmi!

[DarkSkies]

To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves.
--Will Durant

Sometimes we say bad things about others. When we do this, it makes us look bad too. Our friends worry what we might say about them behind their backs. They're afraid to trust us. We become known as gossips.

The things we say about other people tell a lot about us. We are kind or unkind. We gossip or we don't. This doesn't mean we have to say everyone is wonderful all the time. As we work our program to see ourselves better, we begin to see other people more clearly too. We see their strong points and their weak points. But we can know these things without gossiping about them.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me see others clearly, and in their best light. Let me bring out the good in others.

Action for the Day

Today, I'll list the people I'm closest to at work, school, and home. I'll think of how I talk about them to others. Am I kind?]


**********
A good rule of thumb...everyone has an opinion about something or someone...but if ya don't know someone please try not to ruin their reputation with malicious gossip. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png



Jon, as for TMI, what can I say, with all the wood that's being delivered to the house lately, wood has been on my mind. :laugh: :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

In equal relationships, people are honest and take responsibility for themselves.

They tell the truth and don't lie, make excuses, or blame others for their behavior. They can admit their mistakes and admit when they're wrong. They communicate openly, directly, and honestly. They say what they mean without being mean. Equal relationships don't contain deceit and manipulation.

Today I will make sure that I'm being honest in my life, and this includes not avoiding the truth. I will admit when I'm wrong or have made a mistake. I will not take the blame for others, but I will take responsibility for myself. Being able to be honest and accountable for myself is an essential part of an equal relationship.




Sometimes the only thing that's needed to smooth things out between people is the admission you have made a mistake, and are sincerely sorry. It seems simple enough, but some are too stubborn to grab onto this simple concept.

Stubbornness and ego have ruined many relationships since time began. If we can learn from this, we will have moved forward in our growth and maturity. :learn:

[jonthepain]

We pray, and feel our prayers are not answered.

maybe the answer was 'wait'

[DarkSkies]

maybe the answer was 'wait'

And learning acceptance,,,I hear ya, bro!

This was sent in by JimmyZ, thanks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1hn0u9Hgyg

[DarkSkies]

Whenever someone tells ya something you want to accomplish can't be done, think of this guy, a back flip in a wheelchair....:clapping: :thumbsup:

http://www.fwditon.com/fwd/view/10409

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Relaxing when things don't go as you planned.

So, the boyfriend calls, says he's going hiking with his buddies for a week, cancels his date with you and says he hopes you won't be mad.

Or the bank calls and says you're overdrawn, and you don't know how that can be. You've been trying to carefully watch your deposits and checks. You've gone out of your way not to mess up. This can't be right!

What do you do when life seems to force you to react? You can panic, become anxious, yell, and respond with a counterattack. But that probably won't solve the problem. And it may turn things into a brawl.

Or you can calm down. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself to relax. Say as little as possible, if that's possible, while you're upset and disturbed. If a problem or disturbance that's not fair interrupts your life, try responding by saying hmmm. Then calm down and decide what you need to do.

God, help me start sailing through life with more ease by learning to relax and let life be.






I still need to learn how to chill out, my type A personality doesn't work well with that concept at times. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon11.png

I have learned enough about life to have a Plan B, C, and D in place, so that helps. :cool:

[jonthepain]

dude, if your boyfriend calls, then you got more issues than just alcohol rofl

[DarkSkies]

^^ Yeah Jon, I try to think of myself as progressive and modern-thinking, but that would creep me out a bit. :scared: I'm hoping the passage you're referring to was written by a woman....:cool: :HappyWave:

Still hot as Hades down there?




*****************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

The Enemy Within

Why do we self-destruct? The problem of evil has been with us ever since the serpent tempted Eve to eat the apple. We often feel at war internally, one self fighting another self.

There are forces that would have us abandon our program, and usually we find the temptation coming from within. We become careless, bored, lackadaisical in our efforts. Instead of disciplining ourselves to further spiritual growth, we rest on our oars and then wonder why we are drifting downstream!

Sane, healthy living requires that we acknowledge our spiritual needs. When our Higher Power is in control, we work for emotional and spiritual growth as well as physical satisfaction. Instead of being divided internally, we are integrated. The enemy within is subdued in the only way possible - by God's power.

Defeat the enemy within me, Lord





If you want to get better, the program requires you to work on yourself. Remember the phrase..."Half-measures availed us nothing" :learn:

[jonthepain]

yup, hot as hell. been around 96 all week long, and again today.

of course the AC in my truck is out.

i love working outside, i really do. luckily the humidity is only around 99%.

mom is coming up from wilmington today, my youngest son graduates from HS tonight.

later,
jc

[jonthepain]

Seven years sober today.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Tip-Hat-1.gif

[DarkSkies]

We need to listen to one another.
--Chaim Potok

Listening is an important skill to cultivate. We need to sit in our healing circles and lovingly listen and learn from each other. We are each other's teachers. Our sponsors listen to our troubles, and we listen to their suggestions. We pray to our Higher Power and then meditate, a form of listening, from which we develop conscious contact with our Higher Power.

Listening is one of the gifts we give to each other. Listening is also one of the gifts we give to ourselves. As we listen to others and learn from them, we stop thinking we are the center of the universe. Listening to others - to truly hear what they say, to learn from them - helps keep our egos in check. We should frequently ask ourselves, "Am I practicing the skills of active listening?"

Prayer for the Day








Higher Power, today I pray that I may open myself up to hearing Your voice in the words of others. Allow me to see the people around me as teachers. Help me stay open to being taught.

Today's Action

Today I will listen. I will notice those times when I stop listening and start judging. I will bring myself back into listening mode. Today I will be a learner.



************
When I ain't fishin, Lord knows I talk a lot. If I'm trying to relate a fishin technique or advice to someone, I tend to over-explain, ad nauseum. :upck: I know that. :) The reasoning is,,,.if I do help someone, I want to see them get into fish, not just stand around with their hands in their pockets waiting for something to happen. I try to teach people to be persistent and not give up.. That's usually worked for me, in many areas besides fishing. :thumbsup:


Long ago, I also learned to be a good listener. Although at times I'm impatient and may stray away from that, listening is a key tool that helps build lasting relationships. If you don't feel that way, you may not experience the richness of different relationships that are possible when you do. I hope I will continue to listen to people, and their issues, until the day I die. :cool:

[DarkSkies]

Seven years sober today.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Tip-Hat-1.gif


Fantastic Jon! :clapping::clapping::clapping: :thumbsup::thumbsup:
WTG, I called ya, keep up the good work, ODAT!

[jonthepain]

got your call - thanks!

tried to call back today, but the wife walked up right as it started to ring... sorry, she's got priority :(

talk to ya latex,
jc

[DarkSkies]

Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity.
--Aristotle

Once we have embarked upon this program, we find spiritual recovery through relationships more than any other single factor. We find it through relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with our Higher Power. But most of us in recovery need to learn how to be in a relationship. We have to give up ideas that a friendship is an intense connection or a conflict-free blending of like minds.

A meaningful friendship is a long-term dialogue. If there is conflict or if we make a mistake or fail to do what our friend wants of us, we don't end the friendship. We simply have the next exchange to resolve the differences. Our dialogue continues over time, and time - along with many amends - builds the bond. With it develops a deepening sense of reliability and trusting one another. When we have lived with our friend through many experiences - or with our Higher Power - we gain a feeling that we really know him or her in a way we could never have in a brief intense connection.

Today, I will do what I need to do to be reliable in my friendships.



True friendships stand the test of time, and usually require that people communicate when there are problems, or bumps in the road.

[jonthepain]

thanks

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Life guarantees a chance - not a fair shake.
--Bernie Y.

Life is not fair. Most of us know that, but few of us accept it. Something in us often clings to the idea that ultimately, the gifts will all be evenly divided. Mostly we want to be paid back for the injustices of the past. Many of us expect - no, demand - redress from fate. We think life should "make it up" to us somehow. That's why it's so hard for us to go on discovering, again and again, what we already know: Life is not fair.

The good job that should have been ours, the accident that crippled a loved one, unwanted childlessness - these things are not fair. But life is like soil, not like seed. The chance of a harvest is there, but only if we plant the seed. And even then we may not get the harvest we expected or wished for - not on our own timetable. It is an act of faith, and of great courage, to keep on sowing seeds when we don't know what we're going to get. But it's the only chance we have. We need to stop expecting the soil to provide the seed.

Today, I will be grateful to be alive. This day offers a chance for a fuller life, and I will accept what comes of my efforts.


**********
You're welcome Jon. Like Jon says, ya can't saw sawdust.

[DarkSkies]

Funny video :plastered:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjoh58KieXo&feature=related

[DarkSkies]

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.
--Soren Kierkegaard

Once, in a small village, there was a huge fire. The blaze spread and several homes and businesses were burned to the ground. After a long while, the fire was brought under control and put out. Villagers banded together to rebuild their town, but one quite persistent young man insisted on searching the rubble for the cause of the fire.
Impatient townspeople scolded him, saying, "Why waste time searching for causes? Knowing them won't put out the blaze or repair the damage."

"I know," replied the young man, "but knowing why might prevent other fires."

Sometimes we have to look at painful past experiences in order to prevent their recurrence. When we understand ourselves better, we can move beyond the past and walk toward the future with surer, safer steps.

How well can I use my past today?




The program talks about One day at a time, just for today. That's the prime focus. We also need to be aware of our past so we don't make the same mistakes again.. This self-awareness doesn't come easily. It's painful to look at mistakes, analyze what went wrong, and assess ways so this isn't likely to happen again. But it is necessary for long-term growth.

A book I started reading is "Failing Forward" by Maxwell.The genius of this book is that it teaches you to look on your past failures as mere stepping stones to future success. Of course, you have to be willing to learn from them and analyze the errors.

One of the examples he uses, RH Macy of the Macy retail empire, failed a half dozen times before he started to be successful, in his small store in NYC, eventually becoming the retail giant.

Failure is what is is, not something to be ashamed of. Learn from it. And apply it to the next level of your life. :learn:

[jonthepain]

yup

i hope that if i keep on plugging away i'll be successful. what i want is to have a business that does more than just pay the bills; i want it to provide some savings for the (now near) senior years. to me that defines success.

no luck yet but hey i just do what i do and maybe someday it'll catch on.

[DarkSkies]

Overachieving may be symptomatic.

Suffering from low self-esteem is common. Some of it may be blamed on growing up in families affected by alcohol or other drugs. Perhaps the criticism heaped on us at school or in a bad marriage triggered it. We may have thousands of reasons for lacking a sense of our worth. The bottom line is, we were insecure and full of doubt - good breeding ground for the superstar achiever.

The program is spiritually based, and in it we are introduced to a Higher Power. Many of us didn't have one before, at least not one we relied on, to help us feel better about ourselves. We are learning to turn to our Higher Power every day for peaceful assurance that we are loved, that we are being taken care of. In time we'll grow to love ourselves, and then we'll be free of the need to overachieve.

I will accept my worthiness today and trust that my Higher Power has something wonderful in store for me.









********************
^^^Jon, I hear ya, in the same boat too. When this recession is finally over. I hope we'll be able to look back and say it was the worst part of our lives, financially. Meanwhile, we just keep on, keepin' on (barely). At least we have our health. :d :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

At least we have our health.

hernia repair pre-op appt is July 7; still haven't found an eye surgeon.

[DarkSkies]

Stopping, calming, and resting are preconditions for healing. When animals in the forest are wounded they find a place to lie down and rest completely for many days . . . They just rest and get the healing they need.
--Thich Nhat Hanh

We hurt. We suffer. We wrong our loved ones and they do wrong by us. Reaching desperately for an answer will not help us. Pretending we're not hurt doesn't help either. When we are wounded, the wound needs rest in order to heal. So it is with our souls. If we poke at our hurt, pick at the sore, rub it in the dirt of others' opinions, we do not allow it time to heal.

If you've been hurt, accept that. Feel the hurt. Be aware of it. Let it heal. Maybe it would be better if you didn't talk to that person for a while. Maybe you need to let go of the relationship. Maybe you just need some quiet time. Whatever the answer is, find a safe place and allow yourself to heal.

If you're feeling pain, be aware of it. Feel the pain, and then quit picking at the wound. Lie low. Quit fighting. Relax. Give your wounds time and enough rest to heal.





***************

Jon, wasn't aware that you had a hernia, is that from the ladder climbing or something else?
Eye problems suck too, hope it's not too bad, will say some prayers. :HappyWave:
Will give ya a call this week.

[jonthepain]

got your call

lol yeah unfortunately the hernia is from moving ladders and other heavy stuff around, not "something else." It's a re-repair, officially a recurrent inguinal hernia.

eye surgery is to remove a trigidium. that's a growth that is obscuring the vision in my left eye.

it's always somethin, isn't it/

[DarkSkies]

One has to grow up with good talk in order to form the habit of it.
--Helen Hayes

Our habits, whatever they may be, were greatly influenced, if not wholly formed, during childhood. We learned our behavior through imitation - imitation of our parents, our siblings, and our peer group. But we need not be stuck in habits that are unhealthy. The choice to create new patterns of behavior is ours to make - every moment, every hour, every day. However, parting with the old pattern in order to make way for the new takes prayer, commitment, and determination.

All of us who share these Steps have broken away from old patterns. We have chosen to leave liquor and pills alone. We may have chosen to leave unhealthy relationships. And we are daily choosing to move beyond our shortcomings. But not every day is a successful one. Our shortcomings have become ingrained. Years of pouting, or lying, or feeling fearful, or overeating, or procrastinating beckon to us; the habit invites itself.

We can find strength from the program and one another to let go of the behavior that stands in the way of today's happiness. And we can find in one another a better, healthier behavior to imitate.

The program is helping me to know there is a better way, every day, to move ahead. I am growing up again amidst the good habits of others and myself.




**********

^^Sorry to hear that, Jon. As we get older, hard work takes a toll. I still haven't finished splitting all that wood at Pebbles' house. Someone reminded me that "free isn't always free". Thanks for all the advice re: stoves and wood. I'll never let a tree guy drop off 36" diameter pieces again. :scared:



Hope the surgery turns out ok. Hernias have a way of coming back to haunt you, especially when ya work as hard as you do. Hang in there, bud. I'll call again when you're around. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.
--Charles P. Steinmetz

We often pass up the chance to ask a question of someone because we don't want to feel stupid. In the past, we kept very busy trying to look like we were in control; trying to seem as though we already knew what we needed to know. Now, in our new awareness that we can't live life alone, there is much we need to ask. We can learn a lot from children in this area. They are so wonderfully free of inhibitions when it comes to asking questions, and as a result, they learn. Their world expands.

We understand ourselves and others better when we ask questions, when we seek out new knowledge. We haven't experienced, studied, read about, or heard everything there is to know, so we have many questions, especially in the area of recovery. Now we know we can go ahead and ask, that it's okay, that the answer may help improve the quality of our lives. The more we search, the more we will learn, and the more serenity we will find. Like children, our minds are hungry for knowledge.

Today help me ask questions, without worrying about looking foolish, and respond to questions in the most helpful way I can.




I've never been afraid to ask questions. The feeling is...if I'm asking it, there are probably 10 other people who wanted to ask, but were too shy. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by Speedy, thanks!



Why Some Parents Drink



A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped
up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'



With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and
read the letter.



Dear Dad:



It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with
my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.



I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.



But I knew you would not approve of her because of

all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is
much older than I am.

But it' s not only the passion...

Dad, she's pregnant.



Stacy said that we will be very happy.



She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole
winter. We share a dream of having many more children.



Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that
live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.



In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy
can get better.

She deserves it.



Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.



Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know
your grandchildren.


Love, Your Son John







PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over

at Tommy's house.



I just wanted to remind you that there are

worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home :laugh:

[DarkSkies]

Formula for failure; trying to please everyone.
--Anonymous

It has done us no good to set standards we could not reach. On many occasions, we adopted goals that couldn't be reached from the beginning. We allowed our identities to become tied in with pleasing people. If we suffered rejection, we collapsed into a quivering heap. Each time we wrapped ourselves up in a package for someone to pass judgment on, we set ourselves up for failure.

We know we are not God. We must realize no other human being is God, either. We can't ask any person to judge us. We can't judge anyone else. The foundation of our Program is the decision we made in Step Three to turn our wills and lives over to the care of God. This is the formula for success. Try pleasing God, not other people.

I can't build my life and recovery on always trying to please others. My road to success is pleasing my Higher Power.





Amen. This song comes to mind...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxdiraVxwkI

"Can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself."

RIP Rick, 12/31/85

[jonthepain]

God won't fix your problems but he can offer a sense of guidance and belief.

sometimes God fixes a problem, but not right away. sometimes the fix is years down the road.

sometimes God provides guidance, and lets you do the fixing.

maybe he wants us to learn something through it, (patience?), maybe he wants us to grow.

maybe he doesn't want us to think of him as a genie in a bottle, just snap your fingers and get what you ask for.

but i think that he does, and will, fix our problems. the trick is in recognizing it.

i think the belief part is on us.

[DarkSkies]

but i think that he does, and will, fix our problems. the trick is in recognizing it.

i think the belief part is on us.

Jon, you always have a gift for helping to put things in perspective. And I want to thank ya for doing that today. Just finished hearing from my Mom what saints my brothers are, when in reality they are 2 or the most conniving, selfish, dishonest, and manipulative people that God ever created.

Was having a great day, until I had to hear how great they are. :kooky: Meanwhile, Pebbles and I have taken my Mother in since her house burned down, are barely getting by financially (why else would we have 14 cords of wood in the backyard, but that's a whole nother story...:ROFLMAO), and have not asked her to pay a penny to support the household, though we certainly could use it. We do without air conditioning in the main part of the house so she can have it in the bedroom. So many sacrifices we make, willingly, because we love her and I feel a sense of duty and honor. Yet my brothers, who never have to work a day in their life again, and have never had gainful employment for more than a year at a time, continue to manipulate and take advantage of her good nature and denial of this process.


It's moments like that that cause me to question my belief in God, and ask if he is there, why does he let things like this go on. Why can't he shine the light of reality into the eyes of those who are in denial? :don't know why:

OK, rant over, I got wood to split!
Thanks for being there, Jon, I wish I could win the lottery and buy ya a new house!

Love ya, dude! :kiss:
You are a true brother, whether we're related or not.
You make me laugh, that's priceless.
Thanks for everything. Pebbles and I will continue to pray for ya, and ya know there is always a room here at the inn, to sleep at, if you're ever in town. :cool:




PS, a testicle the size of a grapefruit! One last laugh! ROFLMFAO! :clapping::clapping:

[DarkSkies]

Today is the 28th anniversary of my sobriety date. :wheeeee: :bigeyes: :headbang:
Sounds impressive, maybe...but I prefer to think of it as One Day at a Time, multiplied by many days....because that's all it takes to lose your sobriety, one day, or one moment of anger, one rash decision...listening to the disease that we call Alcoholism/Addiction.

That disease is cunning, baffling, powerful..it cuts across all racial and economic barriers, and can destroy families, lives, and beautiful relationships.

So although I have a "few" :rolleyes: years under my belt, I just wanted to point out the insidiousness of the disease...and how it can turn a normal life into one of chaos and despair. And that is the life I believe awaits me, if I were to ever go back out there again.

Many friends and acquaintances have died from this disease. Many have said to me..."Oh you have XX years, you're cured!"

I don't believe that...if I did I would be driniking or smoking again as "proof".
We as alcoholics are brilliant, creative, productive, loyal, dependable, and trustworthy...if you remove the substances and behavior from our lives...but if not, we can be our own worst enemies. and drag down all those around us.

So here's to sobriety, living clean, working the Steps,. treating others how we would like to be treated, and hoping for a better future for all of us.

If anyone is having doubts about Sobriety, I'm living proof that miracles are possible. Many had me written off, and figured I would be dead from my addiction...but I'm still here, and willing to help anyone who holds out there hand and asks for it...giving back is one of the best feelings I get from sobriety, not just for alcoholics, but giving back in honor of all those who have helped me in different areas of life...



Quote for today:
As one goes through life, one learns that if you don't paddle your own canoe, you don't move.
--Katharine Hepburn

Some songs for today:

Chumbawumba

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDkVQvhZx04

Priest

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVTDl8oiJBs&feature=related

[jonthepain]

CONGRATULATIONS!

Well done my friend.

who'da thunk it?

ps send your brothers down here during hunting season :d

[dogfish]

Congrats ds, well-done!:clapping::clapping::clapping:
Don't feel bad about yer family - when I was a lad, my Dad spent the rent $$ at the track, for the 3rd time. We ended up getting evicted. That's just one of the good childhood memories I have. As for your brothers, if jon can't handle them, I'll be glad to invite them to Mass for a sharking trip, where they may accidentally fall overboard in a heavy chum slick. Don't sweat it, my friend. Everyone pays for their transgressions sooner or later. Hope ya have a great day.:fishing:

[jonthepain]

yankee season opens oct 1 :D

[DarkSkies]

To give and to receive are one in truth.
--A Course in Miracles

Giving our love away, honoring someone in need by giving our full attention, will usually bring kindness and concern in return. And unkindness and neglect on our part are likely to result in the same from others. We will usually elicit that which we've so thoughtfully or thoughtlessly given.

Not many elements in our life are so fully in our control as how we choose to treat other people. There are few among us who aren't moved by another's expression of pure, unconditional love. We are humbled by it and feel valued. We can honor the existence of our fellow travelers by our open, willing love for them too.

We need to feel appreciated. And yet, to express appreciation is such a simple act, one that has profound effects for all concerned. Acts of kindness multiply very quickly; we contribute to a world favoring our true humanity when we give out loving thoughts even as we receive them.

I will extend the hand of love to a friend today and thus help to make a better world.




Amen!
************
Jon, it took me a sec before I got that. First I was wondering if you were referring to baseball, or watching as Jeter scored his historic 3000th. :kooky: Your dry humor gets me every time. Thank God for you rednecks! :laugh: ;) Us Yankees sure do appreciate...:HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

rofl

and wtg jeter

he reminds me of Battingly. a Yankee through and through.

too bad he hurt his back. i bet he woulda had 3000 too.

[DarkSkies]

Baptist Cowboy...

Sent in by Finchaser, thanks.
Reminds me of the excuses we alcoholics use when we drink....:laugh:




Subject: THE BAPTIST COWBOY...


A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.


The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado . When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

[DarkSkies]

This was sent in by JimmyZ.
On a fishing site, most people, all they care about is things pertaining to fishing, and fishing reports. That's perfectly fine.

However, JuimmyZ, a guy who loves to fish, is known for sending these types of e-mails. :HappyWave:

As mentioned, many people don't have the time to read a story like this.
But...the next time you're bogged down in life, and feel the urge to yell at your wife or girlfriend because of something stupid that happened between you...


remember this little story that JimmyZ sent....:thumbsup:

all about perspective...as JimmyZ is known for saying..."it is what it is"
Thanks for the story, Jimmy. :cool:




***************
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

QUESTIONS:

1. What were the five words?

2. What is the implication of this story?


ANSWER:

The husband just said "I am with you Darling"



The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband and that is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiving, selfishness, and fears and you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think.


MORAL OF THE STORY:

This story is really worth reading: Sometimes, we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called L.I.F.E.. Good morning n have a nice day.

[jonthepain]

"Hasn't affected my brothers though."

rofl good one

[storminsteve]

Hey Dark congrats on your years of staying on the wagon. That must take some will power. I have a boss that will drive you to drink, literally. Way to go!:HappyWave: :clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:

[jonthepain]

The wife's last day at House of Hope today. Got laid off.

[DarkSkies]

Somebody's boring me - I think it's me.
--Dylan Thomas

Sobriety and recovery are supposed to be fun. Otherwise no one would do it. If we're bored or stagnant, it's because we're not doing recovery right.
Recovery is a wonderful adventure filled with new faces, growth, love, acceptance, laughs, peace, serenity, comfort, and fellowship. If we can't find any of that, we need to find out why. Maybe we're purposely trying to avoid the good stuff of sobriety so we can set ourselves up to use again. Or maybe we just need to try some new friends or get involved with a social activity. Today we have the power to take action on our own behalf.

Today don't let me get away with blaming my boredom on somebody or something else.






***********
Jon, what is the House of Hope?
A recovery organization?
So sorry to hear that, it seems like the roller coaster of life has more downs than ups for you lately. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png

[jonthepain]

yeah, it's a recovery facility for teenage girls.

donations are way down this year so they eliminated Wendy's position.

oh well, God will provide. always has, always will.

[surfstix1963]

Congrats to you Rich I usually don't put this stuff up but it may make me feel better IDK and I'm not preaching to anybody. I've been having some issues with my breathing for the last few weeks thought it was allergies until I recently got pretty sick and had a couple visits to the ER where tests,x-rays and catscans all showed pretty much nada but I went to a pulmonologist today and was diagnosed with a fortunately moderate case of COPD and along with it came a really nasty respirotory infection which was so bad I had some dumb thoughts when nothing helped my breathing one night all the meds inhalers fortunately my wife came home and talked me into reality& calmed me down enough to become rational again.Too many years of the smokes and partying I did quit this Jan. now I need to stay away I should get rid of the infection in another week but the COPD is mine for the rest of my life I guess I'll just consider it a wake up call from above.A couple members did know what was up and I appreciate their thoughtfulness but I didn't want to post anything until I knew for sure what was going on I put it here because I feel this is an appropriate spot.So as the doc said i'm going to be in hell for a week or so for the 30 yrs.of torture I put my lungs through hopefully I don't screw up my back fusion from healing w/ all the coughing.I can't even tell you how much I love my wife she is always there for me I hope i get a 2nd. chance to prove that to her.

[jonthepain]

i'm praying for you, and that your coughing will ease.

[DarkSkies]

Yeah surf, me and Pebbles too. Don't beat yourself up for smoking, it is what it is. At least ya ain't doing it now. Lots of people we know got cancer and aren't around anymore. You're still around...God doesn't want ya yet...hang in there bro. :thumbsup:

[surfstix1963]

Thanks all I feel a little better I may be around for awhile but as soon as I heal, me and the wife are going on vacation and I don't care what it costs or where we go she deserves it and needs it between me MIL FIL and work.

[surfstix1963]

Thanks Jon we are still trying to get to NC one day hope all is going well with your surgeries
i'm praying for you, and that your coughing will ease.

[surfstix1963]

Yeah surf, me and Pebbles too. Don't beat yourself up for smoking, it is what it is. At least ya ain't doing it now. Lots of people we know got cancer and aren't around anymore. You're still around...God doesn't want ya yet...hang in there bro. :thumbsup:
Thanks Rich and Pebbles it is much appreciated, yeah I guess not yet but I'm pretty sure that was a wake up call once the cough is gone and I get my voice back i'll feel alot better.

[surfstix1963]

I'm hanging Rich I worked with a guy that beat his drinking no one would work with him so they gave him to me we had some issues in the beginning where I had to get nose to nose with him to get a point across and I was willing to get my butt kicked to do so (he was pretty big) well it only took 2 times for me to make him understand that even though I was a higher title then him I was no different if we just work together things will get done I'm not your boss I'm your co-worker he told alot of stories of his past I just listened and thought holy crap and he always told me you have to hit rock bottom before you can reach the top.

[DarkSkies]

Love itself is not an act of will, but sometimes I need the force of my volition to break with my habitual responses and pass along the love already here.
--Hugh Prather

The familiarity of isolation is both haunting and inviting. In our separateness we contemplate the joys of shared hours with others while seeking the freedom from the pain that likewise hovers on the heels of intimate relationships. The question eternally whispering around our souls is, "Do I dare let you in, to share my space, to know my heart's longing, to feel my fears?" Only when we trust to say yes will we find the peace our souls long for.

Passage through the doors that separate us frees us to change, to grow, to love ourselves and others. We must plant our feet in the soil of shared lives to quiet our longing.


***************






...and he always told me you have to hit rock bottom before you can reach the top.


True dat, Rich. That's the way it usually works for us. Learning lessons the hard way.

[DarkSkies]

Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.
--Arthur Somers Roche

A trickle of water that drains down the side of a hill poses no problem to the hill, its vegetation, or the people living in the valley. But if that trickle grows into a stream, the water will erode a path, carrying along plants, rocks, and soil, endangering the lives and property of the people in the valley.

When a worry nags us, it is like that trickle. It poses little threat to us and can be stopped at any time because it is so small. But if we let more worrisome thoughts feed into the stream, we will allow it to grow until all of our thoughts and energy are focused on one worry that has attained great power.

We all have things we worry about. But we don't have to give these worries more than passing acknowledgment. The trickles that run through our minds are okay to have. But to keep them at that size, we need to remember what is important to us at this very moment. We don't need to let the worries grow.

I have worries just like everyone else. However, I don't have to dwell upon my worries or make them any bigger than what they are.


**************
Good topic for today. Worrying can apply to many areas of our lives. I was worried a bit because I'm planning to fish some fast and big water, small day trip. Safety is good, but obsessing over it isn't always productive. So I got over the worry, addressed the safety issues, and hopefully will have a good trip out there. We can become frozen in time, if we let our worries get to us. Food for thought.

Also food for thought, I can't believe this thread has over 12,000 views so far. Awesome! :clapping: :thumbsup: :cool:

[DarkSkies]

What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress? Imagine that you are a masterpiece unfolding, every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath.
-- Thomas Crum

So many of us avoid living in the present moment. We worry about the future.

Daydreaming and pondering are necessary in moderation, but we try to stay in the present moment for most of the day. To do this, we return to the most basic element - our breath. We concentrate on taking deep breaths. Barring a respiratory disorder, breathing is simple. When we return to the simplicity of breathing, we automatically simplify our life by focusing only on what's happening to one part of our body in one moment in time.

Today, when I have trouble living in the present, I will concentrate on my breathing.






Keep it simple. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at once.
--Jennifer Unlimited

We all need a little humor in our lives and in the way we work the program. For example, one of the first things we learn in recovery is to "take one day at a time." This is very good advice, so we practice living that way. Most days it works pretty well.

But once in a while it seems like we can't even handle one day. We just can't handle everything that happens along the way, plus carry out our own plans for the day. Perhaps we have to stop and change a flat tire. Or a friend calls and needs help. Or one of our kids has a meltdown in the grocery store. Or maybe all those things happen in the same day! That kind of day used to be our perfect excuse to get high.

Now it's a perfect excuse to take a deep breath, call our sponsor or a friend, and have a good laugh about it. Now we realize that our days are not really ours. We can plan them, but we can't really control them. That's just the way it is, and it's okay.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, please help me to pay attention to the most important things today. And please, send a few good laughs my way.

Today's Action

I will find a few things to laugh about today.







*********
Additionally, learning to laugh at ourselves when we screw up is healthy. It lightens the mood and helps us get through the rough patches in life. Remember this, it could always be worse.

That's one of the reasons I'm usually poking fun at myself and my googan ways. :bucktooth: I'm just a regular guy who loves to fish and enjoy life. Life is short and any one of us could be dead tomorrow. Remember that. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Fame is what you have taken. Character is what you give. When to this truth you waken, then you begin to live.
--Bayard Taylor

Long-timers continually tell newcomers to strive to build a strong character for use in facing the world's realities. Sometimes they leave the impression that character is what others think about us. But the opinion others have about us is not important. Character is what we are, not what others think we are.

We are not born with character. It is developed through patience and much humility. It is what we are in the dark. Our character is revealed by an outer show of an inner glow. It is our reserve force for living. It is more useful than talent and shows itself best during our contact with others.

Today, I'll remember my character can be a force that respects truth, develops will and spirit, accents positive action, and makes all of these assets evident to other people.




***************
Wise words above. :learn:
Character is everything.

[jonthepain]

I will find a few things to laugh about today.

just find a mirror

:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

The creative thinker is flexible and adaptable and prepared to rearrange his thinking.
--A.J. Cropley

Newcomer

I'm in a crisis. I got myself into it -- there's no one else to blame. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet; I'm going back and forth over the alternatives. I can't think about anything else right now.

Sponsor

Your word "alternatives" is a helpful one. In most situations, we have more options to choose from than we can see at first. There usually is a "Plan B" if we're willing to open ourselves to it.

When I was active in my addiction - and for a period of time in recovery as well - I frequently found myself in the middle of a crisis. The sense of always being in crisis comes from a refusal to see that we have choices. For example, we may leave on time for an appointment but find ourselves in a traffic jam cause by an accident. If lateness is the inevitable result, we can choose to punish ourselves with whatever lateness represents to us, or we can say to ourselves, "I guess the schedule I had in mind for today has been changed; I may as well accept it." Without the additional burden of self-punishment, we can see things in perspective. Whatever happens, we don't pick up our addictive substance or behavior. We can turn to our Higher Power in prayer and meditation to help us regain a sense of balance.

Today, I'm open to choosing among alternatives as I substitute the word "situation" for the word "problem."

We need to realize that the best-laid plans often blow apart before our eyes. In our active addictions, that was often an excuse to go out and drink or get high. Instead, the smarter person makes sure that each time they set out to do something, there is a plan A, B, and C in place. Even if it's not well thought-out, it's good to be willing to compromise from where you originally intended to be.
Having those options will save you from disappointment and an attitude of failure. :learn:




**********************

just find a mirror

:HappyWave:

My life has more goof-ups than the Postal Service or the Gov't.
If I can't laugh at myself, I'd be http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png.
Feel free to take a jab at the googan anytime....:laugh: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

...Practicing gratitude...

thanks

[DarkSkies]

Resolve to be thyself; and know, that he who finds himself, loses his misery.
--Matthew Arnold

We all have known the braggarts, the boastful ones who constantly toot their own horns. These people crave approval because they don't yet approve of themselves. There are those who do the same thing but they're not so noisy about it. The girl who says she's ugly even though she's pretty, or the guy who says he's dumb even though he isn't. These are not humble people. They are people who need to learn to approve of themselves.

We don't have to be either of these people now. We can honestly look at ourselves and see our strengths and weaknesses for what they are. We don't have to put ourselves down today. Best of all, we can now accept compliments graciously.

Today I will make an effort to accept myself.











******************

thanks

Always welcome, Jon. :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

That's what happens when you're angry at people. You make them part of your life.
--Garrison Keillor

Our problems with anger and our problems in relationships go hand in hand. Some of us have held back our anger, which led to resentment of our loved ones. Some of us have indulged our anger and become abusive. Some of us have been so frightened of anger that we closed off the dialogue in our relationships when angry feelings came out.

Some of us have wasted our energy by focusing anger on people who weren't really important to us. Do we truly want them to become so important? Yet, perhaps the important relationships got frozen because we weren't open and respectful with our anger. It isn't possible to be close to someone without being angry at times. We let our loved ones be part of our lives by feeling our anger when it is there and expressing it openly, directly, and respectfully to them - or by hearing them when they are angry. Then, with dialogue, we can let it go.

I will be aware of those people I am making important in my life and will grow in dealing with my anger.










*****************
When you let those you are angry at cloud your vision, you waste precious time and energy. Food for thought.




This thread is approaching 15,000 views, Awesome! :clapping:

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by a friend, "TaZ" the Tazmanian Devil.
Keep up the good work, bro! :HappyWave:


Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so.
--Shakespeare

Look for the Good

Life is an interpretive experience. What happens is less important than how we respond to our circumstances. An intense stimulus that some people report as pain others report as pleasure. It is we who decide what the interpretation will be.

Are you a "good finder"? A recent study of the country's millionaires showed that the most common trait they all shared was the ability to discover good in any situation. This trait is also common in "triumphant survivors" - those individuals who overcome adversity and emerge strengthened and renewed.

A sincere spiritual seeker suffering from a chronic illness wondered, "Why haven't my prayers been answered?" One day, in deep meditation the reply came: "Look for the good in your situation and you will see that the answer has already been provided." Suddenly this woman realized that her crisis provided a wonderful opportunity. She embarked on a program of nutrition, exercise, and yoga, which led to a dramatic improvement in the quality of her life.

Abraham Lincoln once said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." Your state of mind is up to you. Choose now to look for the good..








**************
The good I got out of this is that sometimes our pessimism may drag us down. My Dad was that way, and I am trying to live my life different than he did. A glass can be half empty, or half-full, it's all about your perspective. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Unconditional love corresponds to one of the deepest longings, not only of the child, but of every human being.
--Erich Fromm

Feeling the need to be perfect to ensure we'll be loved is as familiar as the robin's whistle heralding spring. Am I too fat to be loved? Do people think I'm dumb when I speak out? Mistakenly, we feel unique in our struggles with our fears of inadequacy, thus we fail to find comfort among friends and strangers who share our selected fears.

If we could understand our sameness with others, we'd be able to feel the gentle urging within to acknowledge their presence, their smiles, and their messages, which are assuredly meant for our ears only. Their desire, like our own, is for the promise of love.

Unconditional love wants expression; pass it around and watch it return tenfold.,




**********
Some of us have problems telling people we love them, or else we are too busy.
What if before you got around to it,. the person you had been meaning to let them know, how much they meant to you....died. :don't know why:

Seize every opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you, how valuable they are as a person. You can't praise someone too well when they are in a box in a ground. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[jonthepain]

I love you, man!

:cry:

[DarkSkies]

I love ya too, but we don't wanna overdo it! :scared: :laugh: :rolleyes: :HappyWave:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGslvYmEYyA

[dogfish]

^^Disturbing and funny at the same time.:ROFLMAO



Something called pickles

We are also convinced, after the countless attempts we made to prove otherwise,
that alcoholism is incurable -- like some other illnesses.
It cannot be "cured" in this sense: We cannot change our body chemistry
and go back to being the normal, moderate social drinkers lots of us
seemed to be in our youth.

As some of us put it,
we can no more make that change than a pickle can change itself
back into a cucumber.

- Living Sober p. 8

Thought to Ponder . . .

If I don't change, my sobriety date will.

AA-related 'Alconym' . . .

D E A D = Drinking Ends All Dreams.

[jonthepain]

rofl

[DarkSkies]

Moving Forward

Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.

It doesn't help.

It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.

Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.

Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.



******
Sometimes you can't fix a loved one or someone close to you.
As JimmyZ says, it is what it is......

And it's important to our sobriety to be able to recognize this, and move on.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png...

[DarkSkies]

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.
--Anne Frank

Anne Frank had good reason to be unhappy, full of fear, and deeply discouraged. Years of her life were spent in a small apartment hiding from the Nazis who wanted to destroy her and her family.

Yet even in this little hiding place she had happiness. It was something she had inside which did not depend on what happened around her. She had riches of the heart. She had faith that kept her going. She had love and concern for her family and others, which made even a restricted life very rich with feelings. It is tempting to believe that we will be happy when we have something outside ourselves, which will make us happy. But happiness is not something we have to find outside; the seeds are in our hearts already.



***********
I find the highlighted passage above to be particularly meaningful. A lot of people search for fulfillment with material things, accumulating more and more.

Today, Pebbles and I had the best day driving around and hardly spent any money at all, just having a good time. Those are the most precious gifts you can give someone, the gift of your time, Try to be happy from within, and if you have lost your way try to fake it till you make it. :learn:

[jonthepain]

Today, Pebbles and I had the best day driving around and hardly spent any money at all, just having a good time.

funny how that works

loved the photos, btw

esp "bennys go home" rofl

haven't seen that since i lived in surf city

[surfstix1963]

I really think that makes alot of sense Rich and I agree some of the best times me and Kam have had were just being alone(although with the in law situation that has become virtually impossible) I understand how she feels about her parents well about everyone thats just the way she is.When we stayed in our camper from april till November most of our friends didn't understand our choice(granted we don't have your average camper) but always meeting new people,sharing their stories just not being around the same surroundings all the time relieved so much stress you cannot imagine it.I really miss it and it has taken me down another notch and I really don't need this right now if you know what I mean we have talked.

[DarkSkies]

Be aware of wonder.
--Robert Fulghum

We have days when we experience the small coincidences in life - our car breaks down and we run into an old friend at the service station; we're thinking about someone and she calls just because we've been on her mind; we ask ourselves a question and the answer appears on the side of a bus or out of the mouth of a stranger at the bus stop. These serendipitous events usually leave us with at least a bit of awe.

The more serendipity we have in our life, the more spiritually connected we are. We're tuned in, attentive, aware, and detached. We're getting responses to questions and meeting the people we need to be with at just the right moments. We couldn't have planned it better. We couldn't have planned it at all.

Serendipity is a sign that we're letting the universe organize the events that lead to answered questions and fulfilled dreams. Life becomes a process of unraveling a mystery.

Today I will recognize the serendipity in the day's events.









*****************
How's this for coincidences? The other night before the hurricane I was up on a roof making sure a temporary patch would hold. Walking across the yard was a guy I went to high school with and haven't seen since.We all used to get high and drunk big time back then.

We have mutual friends who have died from drugs or alcohol. He told me he was sober for a few years and just started drinking again....
We had some good talks on life and our perspectives. :cool:

Is it a mere coincidence he showed up on that lawn? I don't think so...





******************
Rich, as to your camper, it seems like it was your therapy, the way you describe it.

I hope things turn around so you and your wife can get it on the road again, I think you will really benefit. If you can't fish at least God may have it in his plans that you 2 can travel again. I'm pumped every time I take a Nomad trip, whether I catch fish or not.
Being on the road, it pulses new life into my arteries....:drool:
Hoping for the best for you 2, one day at a time....

[surfstix1963]

The greatest therapy for us anyways it's not for everyone we are going away at the end of the month to see my son play football in Virginia 5 days away & yes we need it no camper but its away.

[DarkSkies]

A.A. Thought for the Day

Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness from something that happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Am I living one day at a time?

Meditation for the Day

I give God the gift of a thankful heart. When life seems hard, I look for some reasons for thankfulness. If I seek diligently for something to be glad and thankful about, I will acquire in time the habit of being constantly grateful for all God's blessings.





Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may be constantly reminded of causes for sincere gratitude.




***********
All we have control over is today.
Live it well, use the hours wisely.
Today, once gone, cannot be repeated. (Sanskrit proverb)


********
Rich, I imagine you're looking forward to that time watching your son play football. New environment for a few days, away from the troubles for a short while....hoping for the best.... :)

[surfstix1963]

Amen to that

[DarkSkies]

He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare.
--Ai Ibn-Abu-Talib

When we entered recovery, we had buddies we drank or used with and people we hung out with, but often no one we could really call a friend. For a long time, we hadn't been "friend material." Too poor in body, mind, and spirit to be generous, we weren't even a friend to ourselves; how could we be a friend to someone else? Finally, we just gave up on having friends. Our attitude became, "Who needs them anyway?"

Then we began to recover and one day realized we had friends. Good friends. Friends worth loving. And the most amazing thing of all; they loved us too. We could have a friend. We could be a friend. No longer unreliable and ungenerous, we could give of ourselves. No longer needing to buy another's love, we can accept love from others. No longer suspicious about other people's motives, we can accept friendship.

In learning to love ourselves and others, we began to accept that other people could love us, too. Now we can trust ourselves to be good to our friends. With a growing circle of people to choose from, we can risk being ourselves. Knowing that whatever happens, we can handle it. What a wonderful feeling of security and confidence we have now that we've found friends.

Today help me appreciate my friends, and help me be a good friend to others.










*************
The corollary to this is...if you are a good friend to others, you will build a circle of good friends around you. :learn:

You don't need thousands of friends. Or do you?

Ask someone who has thousands of "friends" on facebook how many of those thousands really "know" them, and would respond to help them in the middle of the night, if they really were in trouble. I'll bet that answer would be a small number, as many friends are only acquaintances that vanish when the troubles mount in your life. A big part of that is being the best friend you can. If someone needs your help desperately, you should help them, if you can.

Unfortunately, there are also a lot of people who live their lives selfishly. There is nothing we can do about that. However, far better to have a small group of friends you can count on and who you mean something to, than be known by thousands. JMO.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

Those bonds that you form are the basis for a foundation of true friendship. I really believe that.

[DarkSkies]

Don't be a Victim

Some people refer to us as victims of our problems, but we should not accept such labeling. A better term for us is survivors.

Working in step with our Higher Power, we should view ourselves as capable of rising above all the challenges and conditions that confront us. If we call ourselves victims, we'll soon be inviting more people and situations to victimize us. As survivors, however, we will always learn to sail through the roughest storms.

Looking at the general world situation, it does seem realistic to say that lots of people are victims. But we must always take into account the vast power that resides in every human soul. People have tremendous power to change their conditions, and when word of this finally gets around, we'll see a worldwide spiritual awakening that will change everything for the better.

Whatever I'm facing today, I'll know that the spirit within me also gives me the qualities I need to survive.





*************************
A lot of times in this thread, we've talked about helping others, and in doing so helping yourself. We might have bad circumstances, but if we refuse to see ourselves as victims we can rise above almost anything.

The other side of that is to avoid people who would victimize, or people who don't know how to give of themselves, only to take. Surround yourself with positive people, and you will be on a more positive path. :learn:

[jonthepain]

Ask someone who has thousands of "friends" on facebook how many of those thousands really "know" them, and would respond to help them in the middle of the night, if they really were in trouble.

both of my fb friends would.

rofl

[DarkSkies]

When you know a thing, to hold that you know it, and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it: this is knowledge.
-- Confucius

How is it we can hear so much better after we have worked our Steps? Does someone clean the wax out of our ears at night? We find ourselves able to listen to what people are actually saying, not just what we think they are saying. Our Program teaches us not to judge words before or after they are spoken. We leave judging to God. We try to learn from everybody, for each person we meet has knowledge.

Knowledge has become available to us as never before. We no longer fear new ideas and opinions which are not our own. Our recovery becomes deeper each moment we open our minds to new ideas.

Knowledge is freely offered. In turn, I keep myself growing and accepting the knowledge that comes my way.

When I don't know something, I admit it. Knowing that I don't know is also knowledge.




********************
Some people profess to know it all.

I would rather tell someone that I'm not sure, than bluff my way through something in an arrrogant manner.
One thing I can't explain is the popularity of this thread, 16,000 views and growing. :whoo: I would have thought this thread would have limited demographic interest, much like those wordy conservation posts I'm known to post up around here...go figure.:don't know why:

The only thing I can think of is that in this thread there is some brutal honesty, about me, others with addiction/alcoholism problems, family problems, dysfunctionality problems, etc. So either people are tuning in to see where this train wreck is going....:rolleyes: or some are actually anonymously getting something out of the posts here. Whatever it is, welcome to all. :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Change of Scenery...

Sent in by Taz, thanks! :HappyWave:


Change of scene has no effect upon unconscious conflicts.

Where ever you go your *** comes with you,are there are things rotting your spirit like a cancer,

That sickness is progressive (spiritually) like a silent monster fueled by all the **** you don’t talk about,

Unconscious conflicts are echoes of guidance from our higher power like a to do list
The choice is CLEAR!

Listen to your conscious contact,take direction,face your fears and enjoy life on life’s terms ....






Or

The cancer produces....
1. Fear,anger,resentment,lust,procrastination,emptine ss, FEAR OF DEATH,


2. No sense of direction,lack of satisfaction in anything we do,hence
THE PURSUIT OF MONEY,PROPERTY,and PRESTIGE.


Doing nothing is a choice to suffer ,keeping the shame cycle in place

If your choice is #2, those aren’t udders you're sucking on ...

LOVE IS A CHOICE

[jonthepain]

almost 100 pages

congrats

i wonder what west wind wally would have to say about that

[DarkSkies]

I don't always get to know why things happen.

I may spend hours, even days, trying to figure out why bad things have happened to me. I may get caught up in trying to understand other people, situations, and even my own thoughts.

Today I will accept that I don't have to know why things are the way they are. Instead I can pay attention to healing, growing, and learning.









***************
This is good advice for 9/11 survivors, and anyone who seems to continually have bad luck, or attracting tragic occurrences.


***********
^^ Yup, Jon, never had an idea this thread would get so big. :bigeyes:
It's also got almost 16k views, I think only last week it was at 15,000. :)

[DarkSkies]

Almost everyone wants something for nothing.
--Marsha Sinetar

Bargains attract. Finding a good value excites us, and we share the news quickly. Wanting anything for free is human nature perhaps. However, we have had to learn again and again that you get what you pay for. This is true of human interactions too.

Why do we think that others will be there for us if we aren't available for them? Having friends means being a friend, even if it's time-consuming. Although friendship's rewards are indisputable, we still tend to wait, letting the other person make the first move. Getting the other person to commit first reduces our effort, perhaps, but we will still receive according to what we give.

Knowing and utilizing this principle simplifies our lives. Once we master it, we never forget it. And what we bring to our relationships will be given back to us.

I am willing to give to others what I want in return today. Their efforts will match my own.






*************
Some people bring nothing to the table in a relationship. It's a sad fact of life, but there are quite a few out there who are self-absorbed and we only hear from them when they want something specific. I have people in my family who act this way. This makes it easy for me to spot someone like this a mile away....

The sad thing, as I have said many times before, some people are so enmeshed with this self-absorption and pre-occupation of self to the exclusion of the issues of others around them, that they don't even realize it.

Although this may sound trivial, it can also be seen in our hobbies and passions, like fishing. I have built up quite an extensive intel chain. Someone wants to tap into that, they call me, and say "Hey I'm going fishing tonight, can you point me to the fish?" You know they bring nothing to the table, don't want to scout, do any searching on Google, or give back with some intel they worked to develop. So what do you do, do you help them? :huh:

Yup, you tell them to go out in the ocean, because the fish are definitely there....:laugh: And you learn to gradually avoid people who do this consistently.

And if you see yourself as a person who takes others for granted and is "taking" all the time....ask yourself how long people are going to put up with that, and maybe try to be a more giving person. Try it, ya just might like it. :thumbsup: ;)

[DarkSkies]

Message body

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

If you're dog-tired at night, it may be because you growled all day.
--War Cry

Negative attitudes wear us out. Assuming the worst will happen, focusing on just our faults, constant complaining, are attitudes that bring us down. If we stumble on a flight of stairs and feel embarrassed, it's going to feel even worse if we growl and curse. We'll feel much better if we laugh at ourselves and see the humor.

People want to be around those who are cheerful. The good cheer we send out will come back to us from others who are healthy. We can choose these cheerful people as our friends, and our happiness will grow and blossom in this good soil.

Today let me try to say something cheerful to another.




******************
It costs nothing to say something nice or offer someone words of encouragement, yet it can go a long way toward helping them have a brighter day....

[jonthepain]

]It costs nothing to say something nice or offer someone words of encouragement, yet it can go a long way toward helping them have a brighter day....

i like your sleeves ...

they're real big

[DarkSkies]

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly....
--Antoine de Saint Exupery

If we look at the world through suspicious or angry eyes, we'll find a world that mirrors our expectations - a world where tension will mount, arguments will abound, strife will be present where none need be. However, our experiences in some manner bless us, and we'll recognize that if we'll look upon them with gratitude. Everything in our path is meant for our good and we'll see the good when our hearts act as the eyes for our minds.

When we see with our hearts, our responses to the turmoil around us, the fighting children, the traffic snarls, the angry lovers, will be soft acceptance. When our hearts guide the action we can accept those things we cannot change, and change those we can. And the heart, as the seat of all wisdom, will always know the difference.




Suspicious or angry eyes...requires too much energy...ask yourself if you have all that extra energy to devote to being angry at someone. If someone is too toxic or manipulative, and has caused you grief, instead of being angry at them just cut them out of your life. :learn:








**********************

i like your sleeves ...

they're real big

why, Jon....I never knew you cared that way....:scared: :ROFLMAO :) :HappyWave:

[surfstix1963]

I actually think this statement has some merit this world is so corrupt politicians,murder,theives priests raping boys ***.I pray for my issues to heal and my injuries will but the system you go through will not to corrupt it invovles lawyers,ins. co. judges some of the top theives in the world.Maybe it is time for society to end in the hands of the higher power only for the good by his judgement to survive and start over.I've got to be honest here other than your family and kids what hasn't your govt. taken from you as far as I'm concerned its the only reason I'm here we work our butts off pay every conceivable tax and then any others they dream up the pay stays the same they take more and more and this is The American Dream" Its the American Nightmare people taking your houses,cars fighting with your own family when someone dies Greed its a sickness divorce rates and unemployment are staggering and its all about a 6" peice of paper called money soon we will be killing each other this world has just got to end its pathetically sick.Praying I don't knock it but i do wonder if anyone is listening and if they are why is this world like this you created it I'm sure you can fix it.I'm not afraid of death ever since at 12 y/o my uncle woke my father from a coma and he woke up and said why did you wake me I was in a beautiful place and that made a whole world of difference to a kid when his father died I realized theres something better out there but I also realize my children need me tremendously so I pay the price of being miserable for them till my numbers up Nobody Gets Out Alive.

[jonthepain]

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/LightenUpFrancis.jpg

[DarkSkies]

I've got to be honest here other than your family and kids what hasn't your govt. taken from you as far as I'm concerned its the only reason I'm here we work our butts off pay every conceivable tax and then any others they dream up the pay stays the same they take more and more and this is The American Dream" Its the American Nightmare people taking your houses,cars fighting with your own family when someone dies Greed its a sickness divorce rates and unemployment are staggering and its all about a 6" peice of paper called money soon we will be killing each other this world has just got to end its pathetically sick.up Nobody Gets Out Alive.

Surfstix, I hear ya loud and clear. That's one of the reasons I don't read the newspaper much anymore, too upsetting to me. And I have questioned the existence of God when there is so much ugliness going on in the world, but I try to get past my doubt and have faith. I'm not always successful at it. There are others here much better at that than me, like JimmyZ and Jonthepain, for example. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:


*********
Here are some thoughts for today....


Believing that we deserve better is the first step.

Some people say there is magic in believing. Our expectations are powerful; they are self-fulfilling, in fact. And if our expectations are generally negative, we'll find the circumstances of our lives pretty dismal too.

The good news is that when we expect better experiences, we'll also find them. How does this work? Surely it requires more than just believing. But it really doesn't. When we look for the good in every situation, we quite selectively see it. Making the choice to live this way means we'll regularly see opportunities for opening doors to better lives.

The formula is simple: Our Higher Power's plan for our lives is always for our benefit. Some part of that plan may be difficult to bear at first, but when we remember to believe that it is a positive opportunity, we'll feel its potential for changing our lives.

I will monitor what I believe about every experience I have today. Looking for opportunities will help me see them.


One day at a time.

*****
You've got to give time, time.

*****
Insanity:
Doing exactly the same thing over and over,
expecting different results.

*****
The Serenity Prayer is the handrail to grab
until you can work the Steps.






*********
I like the definition of Insanity above, it's helped me often when I get jammed up.

[Monty]

I actually think this statement has some merit this world is so corrupt politicians,murder,theives priests raping boys ***.I pray for my issues to heal and my injuries will but the system you go through will not to corrupt it invovles lawyers,ins. co. judges some of the top theives in the world.Maybe it is time for society to end in the hands of the higher power only for the good by his judgement to survive and start over.I've got to be honest here other than your family and kids what hasn't your govt. taken from you as far as I'm concerned its the only reason I'm here we work our butts off pay every conceivable tax and then any others they dream up the pay stays the same they take more and more and this is The American Dream" Its the American Nightmare people taking your houses,cars fighting with your own family when someone dies Greed its a sickness divorce rates and unemployment are staggering and its all about a 6" peice of paper called money soon we will be killing each other this world has just got to end its pathetically sick.Praying I don't knock it but i do wonder if anyone is listening and if they are why is this world like this you created it I'm sure you can fix it.I'm not afraid of death ever since at 12 y/o my uncle woke my father from a coma and he woke up and said why did you wake me I was in a beautiful place and that made a whole world of difference to a kid when his father died I realized theres something better out there but I also realize my children need me tremendously so I pay the price of being miserable for them till my numbers up Nobody Gets Out Alive.
Surfstix, well said. Its out of control. At work we are doing a job for a company from a country over seas. I have never met such rotten, greedy, rude, inconsiderate, lying people. The world is out of control.
I don't blame god one bit, its the individual people.

[surfstix1963]

Everyone has their right to different beliefs and that is mine I think this world is so corrupt it should be destroyed if you think we are struggling just think about the stress your kids will be living in when your not here to help them.I've read the bible with my grandmother over and over and just don't quite believe I'm living in the world that was etched in my mind from it.Yes their was death and cruelty not everyday every couple seconds for that matter.I'm not going to ramble on thats how I feel.Like I've said I'm not afraid to die Thanks to my Dad and I will tell my children the same thing it made it easier for me to get this far.

[DarkSkies]

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds.
--George Eliot

Who are we, really? It seems like we are one person on the inside, and yet we often act like someone else. Can a good person do bad things? Can a bad person do good things? It's pretty confusing, isn't it?

Our recovery program teaches us that we can change who we are by changing the things we do. We can become the kind of person we want to be by acting as if we are already that person. For example, if we want to be sober, we can act as if we are a sober person; that is, don't drink, and don't hang out in places where people go to drink. If we want to be a caring person, we can do caring actions for others.

We are the person we feel like on the inside. We are also the person we act like on the outside. In recovery, we change how we think, feel, and act. We practice making changes in each of these areas, and every time we do well in one area, we help in the others too.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, help me become the person I want to be by changing how I act, how I feel, and how I think. I am sick and tired of acting, feeling, and thinking like an addict.










***********

The world is out of control. I don't blame god one bit, its the individual people.

The world today is a very different place from the world we grew up in, guys. Your remarks are absolutely correct.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by JimmyZ, thanks!! :HappyWave:


We aren’t what we ought to be. We aren’t what we’re going to be. We aren’t what we want to be. But, thank God, we aren’t what we were.

[DarkSkies]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Inventory

The first time I took an inventory of myself, it was because I had to. I was in a treatment program. A judge had sentenced me there "for as long as it takes." The treatment staff wasn't going to let me out until I sat down and took a look at myself.

"A searching and fearless moral inventory" is what Step Four of Alcoholics Anonymous recommends. I was over- whelmed by the process. All I saw was this big blur of myself. I started writing about one small aspect of myself that I was able to recognize. Within minutes, I saw more. This inventory process took on a life of its own.

What was I aware of about myself that was a problem? What was bugging me most, the thing about myself I least wanted any other human being to know? What was the thing I least wanted to admit to myself? What did I fear and whom did I resent?

We were supposed to also inventory the good qualities about ourselves. I couldn't find any of those.

"You're persistent," the clergy person at treatment said. I hung onto that asset for years. I thought it was my only good quality.

It's an interesting phenomenon - how quick and easy it is to see qualities we like in other people. It's also a snap to see what we don't like in other people, qualities that we think they should change. Taking other people's inventories is a breeze. Taking our own is hard work.
The year was 1982. My husband (at the time) wanted to go to Las Vegas. I wanted him to stay home, but I didn't know how to express how I felt. About the third night he was gone, I felt that anxiety in my gut. I knew he was out of control, drinking again. I had a party planned for the next morning. I was throwing an open house for a neighbor graduating from college. Eighty people were due to show up. My husband was supposed to be home to help.

I didn't clean my house. I didn't prepare the food. I sat calling him in Vegas, dialing a number over and over again for eight straight hours. "What he's doing is crazy," I kept thinking. "What he's doing is wrong and nuts."

About ten o'clock that night, I saw the light. "Eighty people are coming to my home tomorrow, and here I sit, dialing a number that will not be answered? He might be out of control," I thought, "but what I'm doing is crazy."

Sometimes we need to take our own inventory to get out of an uncomfortable stuck place, to look at patterns and see what's going on. Other times, looking at our own behaviors gives us the freedom to finally have and live our lives. Taking our own inventory doesn't have to be a big gruesome job - although sometimes it is. Rather, it can be a way to stop pointing our finger at others and take responsibility for ourselves.




***************

This is a good topic. Looking at ourselves and being honest about what we say is sometimes painful. That's why a lot of people won't do it. It's always easier to take the inventory of someone else.

The path to growth is to take your own inventory and set a plan for changing the things that are harmful.

Try to do things that are out of your comfort zone.
Take the path of the hardest choice, rather than the easiest.
Face the thing(s) that you fear, and face them bravely. You will find that doing that strengthens your inner foundation, and could push you to a better life.....:learn:

[DarkSkies]

To assume what other people are thinking or feeling without asking them is to invite misunderstanding. Just as disastrous is to assume other people know what we want or need without our telling them. Many potentially good friendships and marriages perish because of our false assumptions and our lack of honest communication.

Do we assume others can't live without us or wouldn't know what to think or feel unless we told them? Do we take for granted that "silence means assent"? Do we assume others don't have time for us, or don't care about us, if they don't call or go out of their way to talk to us? Do we think others can read our minds without our ever opening our mouths?

Since we can only assume the same limited or distorted thoughts of others that we have of ourselves, we each need to take the initiative to ask probing questions and give honest responses in our relationships.

TODAY I will not make the mistake of projecting my feelings onto others. I will initiate honest and open communication.



***********
This is good advice.
If we want rewarding relationships with other people we need to work at them. Try not to assume things in the dynamics, that might not be true. We should try to give friends the benefit of the doubt, unless it's proven otherwise.

Honest communication is a challenge at times, but it's the best road to further growth and development.

[DarkSkies]

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.
--Anais Nin

We are surrounded by women and men who are necessary for our development. That's a startling revelation perhaps. We don't even like everybody in our life! How can we need them? But we do. Our Higher Power clearly understands our purpose and our needs, and ushers into our lives those people who will help us grow and change and contribute. It sounds mysterious initially, but when we get accustomed to the idea, we are relieved. Each person will teach us something we need to know about life and about ourselves.

Our individual character is growing, changing, maturing. Our understanding of others and our experiences deepens with each unfolding event. The world is ever changing. By design, not coincidence, we will befriend those people who need us, just as we need them.

I am where I need to be. My friends and associates need me as I need them. We are moving and growing in concert.







*********
Try to be nice to everyone whenever possible. You never know when one of them will turn out to be a friend....

[jimmy z]

We can be as down and discouraged as we want to be, this is of the world. And the world being fundamentally evil as we know it. This is the way it is.
But I choose not to focus on the evil, even though it's there. I refuse to let the world bag me out or get me discouraged, what's the point of it. I will not give the Devil his due today, he's a liar and the lord of deception.
I believe in being proactive, I believe in effecting a change in my life and attitude when needed. I believe in helping and to be encouraging today. Just for today. I am grateful for this gift of life, and I thank God for saving me from self destruction. When one sees the good, how can one see the bad? I believe everything good comes from my Heavenly Father and He surly gives me what I need!
The ones that are evil and corrupt? Well they have to live with themselves and all those negative seeds planted will one day yield a crop. Thank God i'm not one of them!:)

[DarkSkies]

Choice of attention - to pay attention to this and ignore that - is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases, a man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences.
--W. H. Auden

Many of us have said, "I can't help myself!" when we tried to stop our constant thinking about other people or their behavior. "I know it's not good for me, but what can I do when they keep acting that way?"

Let us think of ourselves as living in a house with many windows. At each window is a different view, and within each view are many things to catch our attention -- perhaps there are some people, some traffic, some buildings, a horizon, and some trees. If we always go to the same window and focus on the same object, we are not using all our choices. We may have overlooked some things in our lives that need attention. There are many things we are totally powerless over. Our power exists in changing the focus of our attention.

Today, I will notice where I am choosing to pay attention. I pray for guidance in being aware of my options.


This is good for me because I tend to be obsessive over some things, like fishing, etc. The analogy of the windows above is great advice for all folks out there, even those who aren't alcoholics.





***************

We can be as down and discouraged as we want to be, this is of the world. And the world being fundamentally evil as we know it. This is the way it is.
But I choose not to focus on the evil, even though it's there. I refuse to let the world bag me out or get me discouraged, what's the point of it. I will not give the Devil his due today, he's a liar and the lord of deception.
I believe in being proactive, I believe in effecting a change in my life and attitude when needed. I believe in helping and to be encouraging today. Just for today. I am grateful for this gift of life, and I thank God for saving me from self destruction. When one sees the good, how can one see the bad? I believe everything good comes from my Heavenly Father and He surly gives me what I need!
The ones that are evil and corrupt? Well they have to live with themselves and all those negative seeds planted will one day yield a crop. Thank God i'm not one of them!:)


Jimmy, always a pleasure to hear from ya! :HappyWave:
I find a degree of wisdom and maturity in your posts that is inspiring.

Exactly right... focus on the good and being encouraging, and you will not clutter your mind with the bad. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Feng Sui suggestions for your life.....


Sent in by Surfstix, thanks!

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it


cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.


FIVE.. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE.... Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'


FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice

TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

[DarkSkies]

For JimmyZ...

Sons of Abraham, Christian Bike Club...
We saw these guys at a Garlic Fest. He had no problem with me taking a pic. The guy was about 6'3" and 275, good to have a guy that big on God's side, right? :d

14301

[jimmy z]

:cool:God see's the intent of our hearts. Good is good in the eyes of the Father. This goes for good bikers too! Nice stuff Rich!

[jonthepain]

One of my best friends, Tim Fontaine, is the Chaplain of Bikers for Christ here in Raleigh. He used to be a soldier and sgt at arms for the Hell's Angels up in Mass. Spend many years in prison for murder. Still looks like a biker - around 6-6 and over 300, looooong goatee and ponytail, leathers... nicest guy you'd ever want to meet.

wouldn't mess with him, tho.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/timfontaine.jpg


an old photo, but Tim's the big guy on the left.
Tim and Michelle were the first couple to befriend the wife and I down here.
awesome folks.

[DarkSkies]

Two persons love in one another the future good, which they aid one another to unfold.
--Margaret Fuller

We can see the potential for growth in friends we love, a reality that often lies hidden to them. Through our encouragement and our commitment to them, we can help them tackle the barriers to success. Likewise, we'll be helped. It's within the plan, ours and theirs, that we're traveling this road together.

For moments in time, we're matched pairs, drawing from each other the talents the world awaits, while alone we sometimes withdraw, thus depriving the world of what we have to offer. The expression of love will push forward the development of the whole human race.

No one of us is without someone to love if we'd but choose to offer ourselves to another.








*********************
I do a lot of things independently, but it's a good feeling to have someone else to share your life with...gratitude to God for bringing people into my life.....








******************

Thanks for posting that pic, Jon. When I used to do the poker runs every weekend, there were quite a few Christian Bike groups around. Like JummyZ says, many of us have turned their lives around...Good is Good in the eyes of the Father. :cool:

[DarkSkies]

Anger helps straighten out a problem like a fan helps straighten out a pile of papers.
--Susan Marcotte

Some of us have temper tantrums. Like black clouds, we threaten an outburst at any moment. Other people learn to check us out for storm warnings. They want time to clear out or at least to put on a protective covering. We've caught them by surprise before, and they didn't like it. Now they've learned to watch out - to stay on their toes when we're around. Intimidating people, making them glad when we're not around so they can relax, is a poor way to relate to others.

And what do the outbursts do for us? Is there a cheap sense of power or control for a few minutes? Are we advertising to the world that we're short on coping skills? Or do we tell ourselves that letting off steam is necessary once in a while, conveniently forgetting the steam blasting in other people's faces?

No tirade ever solved a problem. Anger is not a strategy. We don't have the right to rain on other people's parades. Our program can teach us better ways to deal with our anger - with honesty and fairness to ourselves and others.

Today, I ask my Higher Power for a peaceful and honest heart.







***************
I agree. It took 1 1/2 hours to install a curtain traverse rod system for a customer yesterday because of missing parts to the instructions.. A simple 15 minute job. Then they e-mailed her more detailed instructions because other customers were having problems as well. Those instructions didn't address the problem either. I had to intuitively figure it out without breaking the delicate plastic parts in the system. The customer thanked me for my patience. Her son usually helps her, but she said he would have been yelling at these little roadblocks and would have let the anger get to him.



Thought for the day....Dissapointments are part of anyone's day. The best way to get through it is to learn to deal with them. Getting angry at something that is beyond your control solves nothing. :learn:

[jonthepain]

it seems like some days it's easier to not let it get to you than others

but the older i get, the more of those days i have

[DarkSkies]

but the older i get, the more of those days i have

I hear ya, Jon, me too. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon11.png
I was less than patient the other night when I barked at "flashlight guy".
He did need someone to set him straight, though, and y'all know I'm never one to back down from wearing that hat....;)
And he did leave us alone after that...when I'm out fishin, I'm there to stick some fish, not to chat...or shine lights in peoples' eyes....:laugh:








**************
We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.

We do not believe in perfection, we believe in mending. We make progress toward a goal, but we seldom move in a straight line toward it without missteps. Life is like a zigzag chain of events that first brings everything together just as we want and then spills it all over again. We try to do our best, but inevitably we make mistakes. So a large part of normal daily life is spent mending.

When we accept imperfection as a fact of life, we make peace with the constant need for repairs. Saying I made a mistake and I owe you an apology is never fun, but when we do it we grow stronger. Every disappointment, every complaint, points to an underlying hope or wish. We can use them to point us to repairs we would like to make. We do not learn anything new from correctly repeating what we already know. We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.

Select one complaint or one mistake that you want to mend and turn it into a learning experience.



The reading above is an amazing coincidence. It comes at an opportune time. A member here :HappyWave: and I were fishin last night...we were talking about some people I used to be close with...an apology was mentioned (coming from me) as a peace offering.....

I thought about this.
I don't want to be too specific here, but I know this person will read this. I know they come here frequently, I can tell by the IP logs....;)



Some things about me.....
I apologized twice.
I was sincere, and meant it.

I make lots of mistakes, and am quick to apologize when I offend someone. There are those who may feel I'm a raving lunatic at times...that accessment could be correct,,especially when it comes to fishin.

I try to be as sensitive as possible to the feelings of others... .
There are limits to this, though....
I'm a man, act like one, and try to treat people with the same respect I deserve in return.
If I apologize and you accept, fine.

If you don't, I will not chase you down and keep asking for your forgiveness.
I will just move on....
People who know me, know that I genuinely care, and mean well, even when I'm barking at them to do something, or go fish somewhere. ;)

That's what I do sometimes... if you tell me you're having a problem with the way I talk, I'll try to tone it down, but I ain't gonna change who I am, for any one. :thumbsup: I'm ok with how I come across to people. If someone needs it, I'll give them the shirt off my back. And if you come to me with a problem....rather than just listening...I will try to help ya solve it....that's what I do...it becomes a goal...that's how I'm wired....

And we all mistakes.
So I've apologized for mine.
You should think about your last words.... an apology from you would be in order....I can live without it because you were a good friend....but no way in hell am I gonna chase after ya.








So pick up the damn phone.... ya goofball! :bucktooth:
Or find a way to run into me....if shouldn't be too hard if ya think about it....
I won't hang up on ya...this thing has gone on for too long....it's time, bro.....:plastered: :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Today's thoughts from Hazelden are:

God does for me what I can't do for myself.

*****

A.C.T.I.O.N. = Any Change To Improve Our Nature

*****

If you don't like the effect, don't produce the cause.

*****

Recovery is not a destination, but a road we travel.



** As it is, we will have many bumps on that road, and some periods of smooth road and pleasurable driving....en joy the road, it's all we got...:cool:


******
Sent in by Taz, thanks! :HappyWave:

A simple message about life



I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, waiting on it to turn green.





A carload of young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, stopped next to me.
The light changed, the Muslims shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of me.



Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it completely.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!"






So, today, bright & early, I went out & got a job as a truck driver.

[dogfish]

[COLOR=blue]And we all mistakes.
So I've apologized for mine.
You should think about your last words.... an apology from you would be in order....I can live without it because you were a good friend....but no way in hell am I gonna chase after ya.

So pick up the damn phone.... ya goofball! :bucktooth:
Or find a way to run into me....if shouldn't be too hard if ya think about it....
I won't hang up on ya...this thing has gone on for too long....it's time, bro.....:plastered: :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

Umm, I would pick up the phone but don't have your number. Is it me, is it me? If I apologize will we have a future together and buy a house in the suburbs with our adopted token asian children?
Dark, are you serious with this? what happened to the old dark, the rage, the rants, the anger, the justifiable homicide?:scared: :ROFLMAO Bring back the old dark:2flip::HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Dogfish, homicide usually ain't justifiable unless they threaten someone in yer family...;)
As for the rest. I'm reformed now...trying to walk the straight line....:laugh: :HappyWave:
A kinder and quieter DS, if you will, unless someone shines a flashlight in my eyes when I'm in the surf or on the rocks...:rolleyes:




****************
Let everyone sweep in front of his [or her] own door, and the whole world will be clean.
--Goethe

Taking care of ourselves rather than trying to control others may be difficult. Our character defects may lead us to believe we should take responsibility for the actions of others. Sometimes we may feel we know how a spouse, co-worker, or friend should act. We may even go so far as to tell someone what he or she should do or do it for them.

Tonight we can reflect on our actions of today. Did we cover up another's behavior, or tell someone what to do, or take control of something that was not our responsibility? We need to realize that taking charge of another's life is not beneficial to anyone. Focusing on another's life keeps us from looking at ours. Doing for others what they should be doing for themselves takes away valuable lessons for growth.

What would happen if everyone in a classroom were the teacher? Who would listen and learn? Who would mature and grow? The teacher in our lives is our Higher Power. Let us respect our instructor and let our Higher Power do the guiding while we grow.

Help me listen and learn and let go of controlling others.

[williehookem]

As for the rest. I'm reformed now...trying to walk the straight line....:laugh: :HappyWave:
A kinder and quieter DS, if you will, unless someone shines a flashlight in my eyes when I'm in the surf or on the rocks...:rolleyes:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7K4jH7NqUw

[DarkSkies]

Good one, Willie! :HappyWave:

***********


*Today I will do something that makes me laugh.

Whether it's watching a funny movie, playing a game with my children or friends, reading a humorous book, going to an amusement park, or finding a way to just be silly, I will get in touch with my playful side and have fun. A balanced life means experiencing laughter along with being serious. Not only am I willing to be a responsible adult, but I'm also willing to laugh, have fun, be playful, be childlike, and enjoy the simplest of pleasures.

Today I will create or participate in one activity that makes me laugh out loud.



*******
If ya can't laugh at yourself I feel sorry for you. No one's perfect. Laughter is sometimes the best way to deal with goof-ups. It allows a graceful exit from the situation and releases some of the pressure we feel.

So try it today, have a few laughs and a blast! Ya might just like it....:cool:

[DarkSkies]

Always remember that no matter what the problem may be, there is an infinity of solutions.
--Marion Weinstein

A girl named Iris was tormented by the boys at school. Whenever she walked by they would make rude noises. Sometimes, when no one was looking, they would block her way and not let her go home. She was too inexperienced at taking care of herself to realize that believing she couldn't do anything made it true. Feeling helpless kept her from thinking about what she might do.

One day she got so scared that she told her best friend what was happening. Together they began to think of all sorts of things she could do. Knowing she could do something took away the helpless feeling, and the boys noticed and stopped teasing her. It wasn't fun for them anymore.

We often feel helpless in situations that seem too much for us to handle. In fact, help is always available - through friends and family, and through God, who helps us see how we can help ourselves. All we have to do is stop being distracted by that helpless feeling and ask for what we need.

Can I see the many solutions to my problems today?



****
I've said time and time again, you need plan A, B, C, and D. I usually talk about that when it comes to fishin, but it can and should be applied to all areas of life....

[DarkSkies]

It's a simple formula; do your best and somebody might like it.
--Dorothy Baker

We're never guaranteed success by others' standards. However, if we do our best according to the standards we think God has in mind, we'll be successful. And from God we'll always receive unconditional love and acceptance.

In the past, many of us were haunted by fears that our best wasn't good enough. And not infrequently those fears hindered our performance, thus validating our fears. We can slip back into those immobilizing fears if we don't attend, with vigilance, to the program and its suggestions.

Our higher power will help us do whatever task lies before us. And no task will be ours except those for which we've been readied. Our job is simply to go forth, taking God as our partner, and set about completing the task. We will not falter if we remember where our strength rests, where the guidance lies.

Self-esteem is one of the byproducts of a job done with God's help. An additional byproduct is that we learn more quickly to rely on God's direction and strength the next time, thus reducing the time we give to fear.

I can be successful today, in every endeavor, if I let God manage my moves.



**************
I agree with part of this, but not all.

I may offend some by saying I feel; we should try our best in whatever we do. Our citizens in the US have grown into a culture of mediocrity here in the last 2 decades. Native born Americans take too much for granted, IMO. That's one of the reasons people from other countries come here and do better in schools and some jobs that we do.

While our culture focuses on just getting by, and doing the bare minimum for getting the job done, the parents of immigrants are teaching their children that just getting by is not good enough. A half hour of homework while watching TV is not good enough. Only doing part of a job, and ignoring the rest, is not good enough.

Getting D's and C's in school, when one is capable, of B's or better, is not good enough.
Thanking people via text when relatives send the kids gifts, is not good enough.


The generation I grew up in wasn't so long ago, but seems light years away from the kids of today. When we worked for someone we gave that employer 110%, and did menial jobs that were asked of us without complaining or whining.

When people talk about immigrants taking our jobs from under our noses, maybe some of us want to think if what we are teaching our children...."Oh, that's good enough".....


...isn't hurting them in the long run....

Food for thought. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Changing

You cannot build a house or a life without some foundation. While we were still drinking or using drugs, it seemed our lives could not change. There was no foundation to build on. We had no working principles in our lives. We found we could not become the good things we wanted to become.

Until we quit drinking or using, we didn't know that there was a way we could make ourselves, one day at a time, into the kind of person we could accept. But the Steps and the fellowship make personality change possible.

How have I changed?

Higher Power, let me be willing to love myself and live myself into a new life, one day at a time, based on honesty, open mindedness, and willingness.








**********
Foundations of change.....
change is the foundation for all growth.

You must be willing to look at yourself critically if you want to get to a better place in life.
Although it might be painful, if we are not willing to work on our character defects, we will always be repeating the same pattern.....

same pattern...no growth....
any questions? :learn:








****************
I can't believe this thread has over 20,000 views....
That's a lotta eyeballs along the way....:bigeyes:
Hope people are really getting something out of the thread....I'll keep it up till my fingers can't type anymore,,,,;) And remember there is no stigma to replying to something in this thread that moves you in some way....it doesn't label you as an alcoholic or drug addict....this thread is about helping people, and a little advice here and there....which is apparently good for anyone to read, even those who don't have problems themselves with alcohol or drugs........:thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Each day is a new start. Each moment is a beginning.

We do not have to wait until Monday to get back on the program or clean a closet or tackle a difficult report. We do not have to wait until tomorrow morning, either. Now is the moment to stop, to make a phone call, to begin whatever project we have been putting off.

There is no way we can change what we did five minutes ago, nor can we predict what will happen half an hour from now. We can only deal with now.

By doing what needs to be done right now, we make the most of each present moment. As long as we are alive, we are always free to begin again. Instead of following an old, worn out habit, make a fresh start this moment on the rest of your life.

Give me grace, Lord, to begin again.





**********
There is no time like NOW, to start a new path in your life....:learn:

[DarkSkies]

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, "Why did this happen to me?" unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.
--Author unknown

A millionaire wanted his son to understand that the world was made up of those who had great happiness in the world because they never wanted for anything, and those who lived in unhappiness because their struggles were never-ending. He asked one of his lowest-paid workers if his son could stay for a weekend, and the employee agreed.

When the weekend was over, the millionaire picked up his son. On the way home he asked his son, "What did you learn about how others live?"

"A lot," the boy replied as he sat with his shoulders slumped, "We have a dog, but they have three dogs and a couple of cats. They even have chickens and ducks and a donkey. We have a swimming pool, but they have this great big lake. We have a deck, but they have a back yard that stretches for miles and miles. And at dinner, they all sit around a table and laugh and talk together."

The millionaire sat in silence, listening to his son.

"I guess the lesson I learned, Dad, is how poor we really are."

Rather than rue what I do not have, I will be happy for all that I have been given.




*************
I like the above advice, life is what you make of it...

[jonthepain]

Have a great Thanksgiving, all.

I'll be watching the in-laws get sloppy and wondering why i ever lived to get that way myself.

[DarkSkies]

**************

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

I always have two lists: things I'm happy about and things I'm not. It's my choice which list I focus on.
--Anne Arthur

Why do we all too eagerly see the glass as half empty rather than as half full? It need not be a habit that we are stuck with forever. All of us feel helpless at times to change our vision of life. Discouragement and self-pity become comfortable, and we fear that discarding them will leave us vulnerable.

Seeing the glass as half empty is a sign that our attitude is holding us back. Unfortunately, a bad attitude is seductive. It's as though we find pleasure, perverse though it may be, in feeling sorry for ourselves. Sometimes we even imagine staying in that place forever. It's then that we need the warmth of loving friends, and it's no accident that we are surrounded by them in this fellowship.

We may, at first, try to ignore those reaching toward us, but we will soon feel their presence. We can thank God for the inspiration to adjust our attitude.

If I reach out lovingly to someone else today, I will not need a nudge from my Higher Power to adjust my attitude.


Good advice above. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

****************


Have a great Thanksgiving, all.

I'll be watching the in-laws get sloppy and wondering why i ever lived to get that way myself.




I hear ya, Jon. I heard some arguments about people drinking this Thanksgiving, glad I wasn't part of it....:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Things do not change; we change.
--Henry David Thoreau

The Universe by nature is loving and supportive. Successful people know how to tap this support by enlisting the cooperation of others in order to achieve their goals. They also know that to receive support, they must first support themselves.

An entrepreneur once told his fellow inventors, "Before others will believe in you, you must believe in yourself. Your faith in yourself will attract investment capital more than any business plan could."

Unfortunately, the people who need the most support often have the hardest time asking for it. Growing up in an environment where love was denied, they don't believe they deserve it. This is why it is important to affirm our basic worthiness.

People want to extend themselves to you; it feels good to give. Encourage them to do so by believing in yourself and reaching out for what you want. The Universe will reach back to take your hand. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. It cannot be otherwise.










**********
The above is a good affirmation not only for life, but for trying new things, new ventures, new paths....
When we put forth an air of despair....(poetry here? :laugh:) people pick up on it and behave accordingly.

Putting out confidence inspires others to believe in us as well...try it, it can't hurt...:) :thumbsup:



I really can't believe this thread has over 22,000 views...:bigeyes: and growing....glad to see some are getting something out of this...:learn:

[jonthepain]

The Universe by nature is loving and supportive.

trying....to....keep.....straight.....face


:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


nope, couldn't do it

[DarkSkies]

^^
OK, bro, you got me....
That phrase is a little gay....
And totally preposterous.....:kooky:

I don't pen this stuff, I just comment on it....
And I totally missed the laugh value on that one.... :ROFLMAO

Thanks for the catch, you coulda ripped it up on that one, feel free next time..:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

A man and his son headed to market with their donkey. A man on a horse passed them and asked, "Why aren't you riding your donkey?"

The man placed his son on the donkey, and they continued on their way. They passed by a family working in their fields. A young girl said. "Look at that lazy boy riding while his father is walking."

The man told his son to get off the donkey, and he climbed on. They passed a group of women and one said, "What a selfish man, making his son walk while he rides."

The man asked his son to climb up on the donkey with him. They passed a traveler on the road, who said, "That poor donkey is carrying too much weight."

Not knowing what to do, the man and his son began to carry the donkey. But the donkey kicked so violently they released their hold and the donkey ran away.

The Moral of the story: In striving to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.

Striving to be a people-pleaser can make you feel as if what you are doing is never right, and you lose your ability to make your own decision.

I will choose to do what is right for me.







*********
Old Rick Nelson lyric - "you can't please everyone, so ya got ta please yourself..." :learn:

[DarkSkies]

Laughter, by definition, is healthy.
--Doris Lessing

A hearty laugh can warm a cold room and make our spirits soar. But many of us are afraid to laugh, especially when we make mistakes. We think we're supposed to be perfect, and we don't allow ourselves to make mistakes. However, we're not a mold punched out by a machine. We're human beings, with all our wonderful flaws. It is those flaws that make our lives interesting and surprising. Who knows when we might accidentally bump into a chair or catch our sweater on a doorknob? We needn't feel self-conscious, it happens to many of us.

The ability to laugh at ourselves is a gift from God. All we need to do is grab it and use it. Then we will see how healthy and powerful laughter can be.





********
Anyone who reads some of the threads on this site may notice a lot of ball busting, and wonder if there is any malice behind it....My belief is that a person who can't laugh at themselves is a person who has a limited view of life....I know some of the things said here are in jest, and we all benefit from the laughs.....

I try to find something hilariously funny to laugh at every day. They say laughter is the best medicine...It can't solve your problems, but may give you a different perspective on things...try it, it really works...

[DarkSkies]

Some people have trouble praying, I know I do...
This very moving read was sent in by Surfstix, thanks! :thumbsup: :HappyWave:



MOM'S EMPTY CHAIR

A woman's daughter had asked the local minister

to come and pray with her mother.

When the minister arrived,

he found the woman lying in bed with her head

propped up on two pillows.

An empty chair sat beside her bed.

The minister assumed that the woman

had been informed of his visit.

"I guess you were expecting me", he said..

"No, who are you?' said the mother.

The minister told her his name and then remarked,

'I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew

I was going to show up.'

'Oh yeah, the chair,' said the bedridden woman.

'Would you mind closing the door?'

Puzzled, the minister shut the door.

'I have never told anyone this,

not even my daughter,' said the woman.

'But all of my life I have never

known how to pray.

At church I used to hear the pastor talk

about prayer,but it went right over my head.'




I abandoned any attempt at prayer,'

the old woman continued,'

until one day four years ago, my best friend

said to me,

Prayer is just a simple matter

of having a conversation with Jesus

Here is what I suggest.

'Sit down in a chair;

place an empty chair in front of you,

and in faith see Jesus on the chair.

It's not spooky because he promised,

'I will be with you always'.

'Then just speak to him in the same way

you're doing with me right now.'

'So, I tried it and I've liked it so much

that I do it a couple of hours every day.

I'm careful though.

If my daughter saw me talking

to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous
breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.'




The minister was deeply moved by the story
and encouraged the old woman to continue on the

journey.

Then he prayed with her, anointed her with oil,

and returned to the church.

Two nights later the daughter called

to tell the minister that her mama

had died that afternoon.

Did she die in peace?' he asked.

Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock,

she called me over to her bedside,

told me she loved me and kissed me on the cheek.

When I got back from the store an hour later,

I found her.

But there was something strange about her death;
Apparently, just before Mom died, she leaned over
and rested her head on the chair beside the bed.
What do you make of that?'



The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said,

'I wish we could all go like that.'

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by Surfstix, thanks...
I've seen this before, but it's pretty powerful...for me, reading it never gets old....:cool:





Good to be reminded that this is so true.

Too Busy for a Friend.....

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.


Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.


It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.


That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.


On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.


No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.


Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.


The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.


As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Mark's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Mark talked about you a lot.'


After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.


We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'


Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.


'Thank you so much for doing that,' Mark's mother said. 'As you can see, Mark treasured it.'


All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'


Chuck's wife said, 'Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.'


'I have mine too,' Marilyn said. 'It's in my diary'



Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'


That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.


The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.


So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.



And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.


If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.


If you're 'too busy' to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?


The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about.


Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

[DarkSkies]

Are you your own worst critic?

*****************


Self-esteem comes from honoring your healing journey

My life is not perfect. I make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes, I stumble and fall. I am a work in progress. And when I remember that simple fact, I am better for the experience.

It's easy to start on a path of change and get so busy doing what we need to do that we forget to stop, breathe, and acknowledge the effort we've already made. We forget to honor our own healing journey.

There are times when I have to be reminded to do for myself what I do for others. The other day, a friend caught me denigrating the work I put into a project because it wasn't done perfectly. When she asked how it was coming along, I said, "I can't seem to get it down perfectly. It's horrible." I then spent ten minutes - which was as long as she could tolerate my ranting - downplaying the work I had put into the project so far. She couldn't believe she was listening to me. "You could be one of your own clients," she said. And how right she was. I needed to be coached at that moment in time. And after our conversation, I called my coach.

Healing is hard work. It takes great effort to stay on a path that leads to purposeful self-discovery. It takes energy - persistent energy - to be an active participant in the creation of our lives. A healing path requires having the courage to shine a light or allow a light to shine on parts of ourselves that we'd rather keep private. It means having the courage to see the work that still needs to be done. Honoring our healing journey invites us to appreciate the effort that has been made.

It's important to heal and to honor the work done.





**********
This is good for me, as I'm highly critical of the work I do...and can always find flaws, while most people wouldn't....http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[DarkSkies]

Relax enough to face reality when life twists and turns.

Sometimes in life, no matter how deeply we intend to make the best decisions possible for ourselves, things happen. Marriages end, jobs turn sour, friends wane. For reasons outside our control or understanding, the situation twists and turns into something other than what we bargained for.

Have you been waiting for a situation to revert to what it originally was - or what you hoped it would be when you got in? Are you telling yourself that there's something wrong with you, when the reality is, the situation has changed into something other than what you thought it was? Things often don't go as smoothly as we planned. Sometimes, we need to endure and get through the rough spots. But I'm talking about those grindingly difficult moments when life suddenly twists on us.

These are the times we need to quit torturing ourselves. Let go of what you thought would happen. If life has twisted on you, don't turn on yourself. Don't try to make things be the way they were. Come up to speed. Return to now. Let yourself accept the new situation at hand.

The road isn't always a straight course. Sometimes, even a path with heart unexpectedly twists and turns.

God, help me relax and trust my self enough to deal with reality, not my fantasy of what I hoped it would be.











**********
The twists and turns in life can present us with some real challenges. It's easy to get discouraged if you do everything you're supposed to, and life still sucks...but that's how it is sometimes....learn to roll with it...we try to say that things will get better,, but sometimes life doesn't get better, for a long time....the challenge is to learn to deal with it....


Quick story...
Last weekend, Pebbles and I visited my Mom's boyfriend in Ma. They have been together ever since the divorce.
He's a good guy, but because he lives in Ma I don't see him that much.

This occasion, he invited us up to to attend a mass celebrating the anniversary of his Mom's passing, 60 years ago. I don't go to mass except for the holidays, but I knew this meant something to him, so we went.

It turns out, he invited his kids (grown adults) to come as well. Some of them live far, and it wasn't reasonable for them to come...so they didn't. That makes perfect sense. But the ones who could have come, totally blew him off, they said they were "busy". :huh:

This floored me, and more so because this guy has has his struggles with alcoholism, and went to rehab..that was the cause of his divorce 25 years ago, and he has since become a model citizen.

Along the way, he was successful corporate guy, making lots of $$...he put each of his kids (who wanted to go) through the best colleges. One became a lawyer and was on the law review of his top law school (coincidentally he was the most twisted, at one time threatening my Mom while he was in law school).

The point being here that this guy sacrificed everything, and all of his savings, so his children would have a better future....now, fast forward to present, he's fallen on hard times, and no one wants to be involved in his life...







If he was a bad drunk, I could see it. but he wasn't abusive or mean...I was much worse in my addiction...this was a guy who got drunk, slobbered a bit, and fell asleep into a stupor, too drunk to cause any harm to anyone but himself.

And now, after giving his all to his family, because the money is gone they avoid him..it was sad to see...http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png...but in a way, it was good to make the re-connection with him..he's a mellow, good guy with lots of funny stories, and is an entertaining kind of host, the kind you don't mind being around...

Whatever negativity he has in his life, he doesn't whine about...he has a new life with some close co-workers in his new job. Although the job doesn't pay well,. he goes there every day, and is extremely dedicated to working and giving value to his employer...

So he came to mind when I read the above passage...he's the kind of guy who is active in AA, and speaks regularly about his life, in hope of helping and inspiring others. :thumbsup:

Even with all that, he's unfortunately saddled with a family who is very self involved, and IMO very selfish, after all he did for them,,,hell, my Dad wouldn't have done 1/10th of the stuff for us that he did for his children.....

So lesson learned,,,,even in sobriety, life may be tough...
You need to learn to weather the bad times....with the belief that good times will be ahead...and if it doesn't happen that way., be willing to make the positive steps toward having new people in your life that will care about you....:learn:


I'm glad he invited us up there, and was honored to be a part of that remembrance...:cool:

[jonthepain]

i'm glad you shared that, d. to be honest, i'm getting immune to the aa quotes. but your stories always hit home.

say hey to mom's bf for me.

[DarkSkies]

^ Tks Jon. I know a lot of people are getting some use out of this thread, as it's a non-fishing thread, on a fishing website, :fishing: with our highest number of views of any thread....

The stories do take a lot out of my day. Typing that one took over an hour to lay it down with the right words...and I have less and less time to do that lately. Nonetheless, I got some PMs and positive feedback from folks...it seems none of us have the perfect family, and anyone who says they do is only kidding themselves....we all have our hills and valleys to get through..so I'm glad to be able to provide some re-assurance or encouragement to folks out there....:HappyWave:
m


*******
And I will send your regards to my Mom's BF, "from a crazy redneck I know who lives in the hills of North Carolina....":laugh: :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Nothing happens unless first a dream.
--Carl Sandburg

What do we see when we daydream about the future? Is everything much better than it is now, or are we still struggling with the same issues? Are we dreaming about what we really want or about what we think we want? Do we see the whole picture or just a piece of it? Do our daydreams match our goals?

Actions we take today affect how we live tomorrow. If we know what we want -- if we listen to our heart's desire, write down our goals, and keep them in mind with every action we take --we create our dreams. We turn our wishes into goals and our goals into reality.

Today I will visualize the life I want.





************
This works for me sometimes...you can't change things without visualizing how your life will be better if you do, and having a concrete plan fot making it happen....:learn:

[DarkSkies]

Fear is only an illusion. It is the illusion that creates the feeling of separateness - the false sense of isolation that exists only in your imagination.
--Jeraldine Sounders

We are only alone in our minds. In reality, we are each contributing necessary parts offering completion to the wholeness of the universe. Our very existence guarantees our equality, which, when fully understood, eases our fears. We have no reason to fear one another's presence, or to fear new situations when we realize that all of us are on equal footing. No one's talents are of greater value than our own, and each of us is talented in ways exactly appropriate to our circumstances.

Freedom from fear is a decision we can choose to make at any time. We can simply give it up and replace it with our understanding of equality with all persons. Taking responsibility for our fear, or our freedom from it, is the first step to a perspective promising healthier emotional development.

If I am fearful today, it's because I have forgotten the reality of my existence. I am equal to all the people in my world, and we are necessary to one another.






**********
Fear of failure is a great motivator of success for some. It cal also block us from getting what we want....facing our fears is one of the most mature, and productive, things we can do on our path to personal growth and a better life....

[DarkSkies]

Love-ability

A friend of mine recently told me how he met his wife. He had watched her walk by his store every day for a year with her young son. She also happened to be a friend of his neighbor.

"Fix me up," he suggested to his neighbor. "We'll go on a double date. I really want to meet her." Unfortunately, the neighbor never got around to setting up that first date.

Finally my friend devised a plan. Every day when she walked by the store, they said hello to each other, but she never stopped to chat. This day, he was ready. He had his store keys in hand. "Would it be all right if I walked with you for a while?" he asked when she walked by.

"Don't you have to mind your store?"

"I'll lock it up," he said.

"You don't have to do that," she said. "We can sit here and chat."

That Friday, they had their first date. She was nervous.

The next weekend, they went out again. She was still nervous. He turned to her, "You can relax," he said. "I'm not going to try anything inappropriate. I just want to enjoy your company." As time passed, she did relax, and they continued to become friends. Three years later, they were married in a small ceremony. "I didn't want to overwhelm her son," my friend recalled.

He wrote his wedding vows. He promised to love her and care for her all of his life. He promised to love her son and protect him, as if he were his own. She lit up his life, he said, and he was grateful for her promise of companionship for the rest of their lives.

My friend is a lucky man, but not just because he found someone he truly loves. He is lucky because he is able to recognize the gift of his wife's love. Most of us have the ability to see when we have been harmed, hurt, or slighted, when we're not loved or treated the way we'd like to be. But we can learn to see those acts big and small when someone shows us love. They are the greatest gifts of all.

Call it believing we deserve love, lovability, or love-ability, the value is opening our eyes and hearts so we can see and receive love from others, friends, family, romantic involvements, and God.





********
This is a good one not only for couples, but for people in general. How many of us have taken someone who loves us for granted? I know I have....
Realize that by loving us, they are giving us a precious gift...and try to focus on reciprocating that gift....

[DarkSkies]

Time is a circle. The end is the beginning.

Day by day, a year comes and goes. Today's end is the beginning of the rest of our lives. We take with us what we have learned today. We are the same and not the same.

As long as we are alive, we will continue to wrestle with questions, seek answers, and solve problems. Let's be gentle with ourselves and others, choosing to respond with non-judging love and acceptance instead of unrealistic demands of perfection.

We have found a blueprint for recovery. Our preoccupation with not enough and too much has led us to a spiritual solution. Each day brings us new opportunities to express our development - a more patient response to a traffic jam, the ability to empathize with a child's embarrassment, the acceptance of a disappointment. Today is another day to learn how to be serene, to nurture body and spirit so that we may function as an integrated totality. We will continue to learn and grow toward recovery.

I will begin and end today by listening to my inner voice.





********
^^ It's ok to listen to your inner voice, as long as it doesn't talk back to you. when others are around...:kooky: :laugh:



Nice way to end the 2011 Year, Folks....thanks for reading, glad ya's enjoyed this thread, and Best Wishes to All for Good Health and Happiness in 2012...:HappyWave:

[storminsteve]

Thank you for all your help to the alcoholics ds. God Bless you and your family.

[jonthepain]

happy amateur night!

[DarkSkies]

Steve, and Jon, and everyone else who is checking into this thread, thanks, and hope ya's get something out of it...
Jon, New Years' Eve is definitely Amateur Night, haven't heard that one in a while, good to keep the memory green...

For the Earth People out there who didn't understand that comment, it's the way we Alcoholics and Addicts used to refer to New Years Eve...with the deduction that the people who drank on New Years Eve to the point of losing control, or embarassment, were Amateurs..:scared: :laugh:

The reasoning that WE, as the Professionals :kooky:, could do it on a regular basis, and get away with it.. (at least we thought we were getting away with it, but only fooling ourselves....:rolleyes:)...
Hence the reference to Amateur night, at least as I understand it...thanks Jon, hope ya had a good one! :HappyWave:



************
Day is short as ever; time's as long as it has been.
-- Geechee Proverb

Newcomer

A change in my work schedule means I can't go to my regular meeting anymore. By the time I'd be able to get there, only half an hour would be left. It's not worth it.



******
A lot of people use the above as the excuse not to do something., I had someone give me that excuse when I called them to clue them in on a good bite..."Well it's probably going to be over by the time I get there....".:waaah:

The thing is, life gives you opportunity at specific times. and that opportunity can't always be optimal...it is what you make of it...remember that the next time you have an opportunity to change your life, or paticipate in something you are not exactly sure will give you a direct benefit...http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[DarkSkies]

Hope smiles on the threshold of the year to come, whispering that it will be happier.
--Alfred, Lord Tennyson

At the start of this new year, we look back at what has been and we look forward to the future. Our path has been filled with healing and hope. Rewards have come to us each day. Now, looking toward the year ahead, we can't know much of what will happen, but we can recommit ourselves to our healing and sober path. We can have renewed comfort and optimism that we will not be alone and that we will be able to handle whatever comes our way.

The start of a new year is a good time to make lists of the things we fear, the things we hope for, and the things we are grateful for. These lists serve as a kind of snapshot inventory of our attitude toward the world and our relationship with our Higher Power. They point a direction for us today and for the year ahead. We can put these lists in a safe place until next year when we will bring them out as a reminder of where we were and a measure of how far we've come.







Today I once again turn my life and will over to the care of God.



***********
I hesitated before posting this today. As I read it, it occurred to me that some readers would think of it as BS. I might think that too..except for the part I have highlighted and put in boold text, in blue.

The reality is, a lot of people I know are going to have bad years. The economy is still not recovering to an extent that job growth will be strong. Those who have steady work are indeed fortunate. However, others have intermittent work, health problems, family problems, or issues with parents getting older and needing extensive care...

The above are the realities faced by a lot of people I know..
So I don't feel that preaching about hope is always effective.
I feel that taking stock of ourselves, fearless inventory, and then pointing ourselves in the direction that makes sense, is a more reasonable path.

If your life seems like it's in a down cycle now, take a moment and try to write the positives and negatives, on paper.
Try to see what some of your better qualities are, and try your best to go in that direction.


And though I try not to preach about prayer, sometimes if you ask God for help, without expecting that HE will, you may experience some changes in your life...

And above all else, try to have a positive attitude, even if it feels phony or forced,,,there's an old saying, "fake it till you make it"...the attitide you project to others certainly is a big factor in your degree of success as well...:learn:

Hang in there folks,,..I'm hoping the ride of Life will get better for all of us....:thumbsup: ..

[DarkSkies]

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
--The Serenity Prayer

One of life's paradoxes is that in order to change an unwanted situation, we must first accept it the way it is. If you wish to move forward in your life, first make peace with what you are presently experiencing.

John was working at a job that he had ceased to enjoy and could not wait to leave. Yet despite his extensive job search, he was unable to find new employment. Realizing that you can't leave a situation without spiritual injury unless you leave it lovingly, John decided to make peace with his job and to bless the people in it. This change of attitude freed him to move on to new employment.

Accepting people as they are is also transformational. For years, a man tried to get his elderly mother to stop complaining. One day he gave up trying to change her and accepted her faults. This experience of unconditional love opened her heart to the point where she stopped condemning herself and others.

If there is some area of your life that you are seeking to change, first practice acceptance. By acknowledging where you are and giving thanks for the good that you have received, you will release an energy that will transform you and your present circumstances.











********
Very interesting reading today. I was just talking about this with a friend. In this stagnant economy, we may not always be on the career path we want to be on...Today's reading of acceptance and trying for a better attitude helps pull it all together, when we push to make the changes that are needed. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by a long time friend and program member. If anyone lives near Howell, NJ, this looks like an interesting topic for the 20th. Having a Dad that was not really involved in raising us, other to beat us when he felt appropriate, I can identify with this topic,,,,



Faith of the Fatherlesshttp://trinitystv.ipower.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/MensGatheringLogo_BW.jpg

Each man, whatever his experiences, ultimately chooses to accept God or reject him. Disappointment in one's earthly father, whether through death, absence, or mistreatment, frequently leads to a rejection of God. Our relationship with God, the Father, is affected by our relationship with our earthly fathers.

Stalin, Hitler and Mao were all known for their condemnation of religion and all had histories of having greatly abusive tyrants as fathers.
In a culture that has devalued the role of families, and fathers specifically, all of you men need to listen to this talk presented by Father Williams on the "Faith of the Fatherless."

Come join us on Friday January 20th at the Spiritual Center at 670 Hulses Corner Road in Howell , NJ . We have pizza available at 7:00PM, and start our gathering with Praise and Worship at 7:30PM. Please join us and bring a friend!

For more information or directions contact Anthony Gaudino at 732-433-9755 or email at anthonygaudino@optonline.net

[DarkSkies]

When I feed on resentments and anger, I am giving someone else rent-free space in my head.
--Kathy Kendall

Becoming consumed by our emotions is all too familiar. It was a favorite pastime before we got clean and sober, and it still may "own" us. Much to our dismay, sponsors remind us that we're getting a payoff or we wouldn't continue the practice. They also tell us it's never too late to give it up.

We can begin immediately. Let's breathe in the positive. It takes the same effort as dwelling on resentments, and the outcome is so much healthier. Let's bring our blessings to mind first. Breathe in the images of friends and the smiles we share. Breathe in the image of our Higher Power and those comforting arms. Breathe in the bright light of healing that is the program's gift. Breathe in the peace that comes with knowing all is finally well.

Giving our minds over to loving images heals us. The hurts of the past can each us no more if we breathe in the good.

I will breathe in my Higher Power today. I will dwell on the safety and serenity of my journey..






******
This is a good one...don't let others rent space in your head, it's not worth the rental....:laugh:

[DarkSkies]

I've made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes.
Everybody makes mistakes. The difference now is that I can see them more clearly afterward, and I am not living in denial about them.

If I become too critical of myself when I do make a mistake, I can remind myself that it's part of being human. I can remind myself that it's a learning experience and a mistake I won't make so easily in the future. Mistakes are not made intentionally, but they are errors caused by a lack of information or lack of attention.

Today I pay attention more than ever before and have more information than I ever have had. Mistakes will still happen, but they probably won't be as serious or dangerous as they were in my past. I can allow myself to make mistakes, understanding that when I give myself this freedom, I am accepting myself for who I am and loving myself unconditionally.




**********
This is good for me because I am extremely critical of myself. More critical than others could ever be. The thing to remember is...progress, not perfection.

[jonthepain]

amen to that.

[DarkSkies]

^ Yessir! :HappyWave:


***********
There is no reality except the one contained within us.
--Herman Hesse

Claude Gellee painted lovely pictures of the English countryside. Europeans loved his landscapes, with their blue hues and mild distortions. But when the people went for the carriage rides in the country, they were disappointed because it didn't look the way Gellee had painted it. Then someone discovered that if you held blue glass up to your eyes and looked through it, the trees and hills and sky looked just like a Gellee painting! Soon everyone was looking through "Claude glasses" when they travelled.

We often let others do our seeing for us. We get lazy and rely on the images of television and movies, instead of really seeing with our own eyes. Our world becomes distorted and we lose sight of the natural beauty that surrounds us.

Each of us carries reality inside ourselves, and as we grow stronger within, we discover that we can see clearest when we trust our own eyes. There is a glorious world, full and rich, just waiting for us to glimpse it.

Will I see the world through my own eyes today?





******
I thought this was a good one too.

[DarkSkies]

Today was like a shadow. It lurked behind me. It's now gone forever. Why is it that time is such a difficult thing to befriend?
--Mary Casey

Each passing minute is all that we are certain of having. The choice is ever present to relish the moment, reaping fully whatever its benefits, knowing that we are being given just what we need each day of our lives. We must not pass up what is offered today.

Time accompanies us like a friend, though often a friend denied or ignored. We can't recapture what was offered yesterday. It's gone. All that stands before us is here, now.

We can nurture the moment and know that the pain and pleasures offered us with each moment are our friends, the teachers our inner selves await. And we can be mindful that this time, this combination of events and people, won't come again. They are the gift of the present. We can be grateful.

We miss the opportunities the day offers because we don't recognize the experiences as the lessons designed for the next stage of our development. The moment's offerings are just, necessary, and friendly to our spiritual growth.

I will take today in my arms; it is a friend bearing gifts galore.







*******
Some thoughts....

"Thank God, the future is never limited by what we can see right now."



The one below I learned when I was in rehab...

Sanskrit proverb....
Look here, to each day...
for yesterday is but a memory, and tomorrow is but a dream...
Look to this day....

[jonthepain]

Hey Rich I saw that you called but the message got scrambled somehow. Hope you are well and still into the dead of winter bite!

Here's me taking a break during the full moon:
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/SurfNBrewresized.jpg

that's an NA beer, btw...

[DarkSkies]

Great pic, Jon...if it's ok I'm going to copy that post and put it in Surfstix's surfcasting pics thread...

Yeah I called because I fiinally decided to accept some of your suggestions. I'll call again and we'll talk in detail. And I thank you for that.....your advice and support in rough waters has been a valuable voice of reason to me,,,,and your honesty in your advice is appreciated more than you know....

All this from a guy I have never met face-to-face...:cool:...yet in our long talks I feel closer to you than any of my brothers....you are a true brother, and a good Dad to your sons...hope they get some success with that demo....either way I know you will be there for them.....thanks for all, bro, and really hope we can fish together this year, finances permitting.....:fishing: :HappyWave:




**********
Only when we humbly ask for help are we ready to receive it.

On occasion, our problems seem overwhelming, and we don't know where to turn. Our job is stressful. Our health is failing. But many of us face no truly threatening situations, and we still have problems. Being alive, being human, means having experiences that trouble us.

It's hard to ask for help when we are in a troubling situation because we fear that means we are inadequate. After all, we are grown men and women who have taken care of others and ourselves for years. We don't have the wisdom to handle every situation, and yet we think we should. Seeking guidance from friends, sponsors, and our Higher Power gets easier with practice. Asking for help is a learned behavior. And practice we must!

But just as important as the seeking is the receiving. Are we actually open to the wisdom offered? Do we want it badly enough to truly listen to the guidance?

I will open my heart to God's wisdom today and find help for whatever troubles me.




*****
I thought this fit my response above perfectly...don't be afraid to ask for help...you may not get the exact help you need., but you will get some kind of help or advice,,,,be grateful for what you get or you may not get any more from that source....gratitude is the cement that helps build relationships....Learning to say a SINCERE thank you, and often, (people can tell when you're not sincere, I know I can) means a lot to people,,,,,and should be part of our daily routine....:learn:

[DarkSkies]

This was sent in by Roddy aka Rip-Plugger aka Heavy Hooksetter....
Some may know him only as a plug-builder, and fanatic fisherman....

We are all so much more than the 1 or 2 things people know us for,,,
I thought this was a great example of that...thanks Roddy, and I agree completely.....:HappyWave:



Subject: Fwd: Perception
To:














THE SITUATION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

After 6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

After 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myq8upzJDJc


After 45 minutes:


The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvlTuBnpKpc




This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.



This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?


One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life? :learn: :clapping: :clapping:

[jonthepain]

wow, those are awfully kind words, dark.

sniff sniff

thank you

[jimmy z]

Many miss out on the blessings, if you may, that the Father gives to us. Why do we miss them? Maybe it's sin, maybe it's because we are caught up in the chaos and confusion of this world. The world being as it is, will do this to many of us. We lose perception, our reality becomes distorted and the result, we miss the blessings. Too much time is wasted on the things of this world, the things we think will bring us joy and comfort. But the only way to have joy and comfort is to be grateful for what we have. Even if it just one minute to listen to sweet music on a subway line!

[Monty]

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

So true.
That is a great story.
We are cheating ourselves on what joys/fun/experiences life can bring.
Slow down and smell the roses.

[DarkSkies]

^^ Yup, Monty, well-said. :thumbsup:


*********
Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see.
--Bill Wilson

At times, despair, sadness, and hopelessness fill us. None of us will get out of this world without experiencing tragedy. At these times, we turn to our Higher Power and the spiritual principles as guides. At these times, especially, we turn to the fellowship. We are here to help each other, comfort each other, and offer sanctuary to each other. We are to be each other’s gifts.

During our active addiction, when troubles came, we turned inward, pretending everything was okay. We acted as if we needed no one – mainly because we trusted no one. We were surrounded by darkness, inside and out. Recovery teaches us to trust in the “Light,” to believe it is there even when we can’t see it. It may be as close as our next meeting or a phone call to our sponsor. In this, we must believe deeply.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, I look to You when I can’t see. Show me the Light. I look to You for the guidance I cannot give myself. Show me the way and give me hope. Higher Power, thank You!

Today's Action

Today I will remember a time during my active addiction when I felt hopeless. I will reflect on what I learned from this and share my thoughts with a recovery friend.




*****
Some people I know are hurting right now..some of them right here on this site...or they have sadness in their families, or personal situations...me too. my life isn't the best either...

These are the times when we need to look for re-assurance or support from others....I'm not trying to preach here,. as a Higher Power doesn't always have to be God...it could be the support and advice of a few close friends,,,,or as simple as getting involved in a Community project.,....

but,,,know this...when you have things going on in your life that appear to be insurmountable...remember that nothing is insurmountable... unless you've just been diagnosed with an incurable disease....and there is a way out of the sadness or despair, if you are willing to reach out to the right people who can help,. or reach out to God..your choice...:learn:

[DarkSkies]

Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a man deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.
--Thomas Merton

The surest way to unhappiness is to concentrate only on ourselves. Nothing will bring on despair quicker than thinking only of our own concerns. Extreme self-centeredness brings alienation from God, from our friends, and loved ones.

The surest remedy is to pray, not for our own comfort, but for God to bless someone else. If self-centeredness is contributing to our unhappiness, focusing some attention on others is the way out. We always get help for the blues by offering a hand to another or accepting a hand ourselves.

I can avoid despair by looking beyond myself.






****
This is a good one. I know a lot of folks who are going through feelings of despair right now. Some are sharing about it...some keep it locked inside....take it from one who knows. keeping it locked inside will eventually kill you....so listen to the words above, they are wise ones...

[DarkSkies]

No man is born into the world whose work is not born with him.
--James Russell Lowell

Our Wise Creator has provided each of us, at birth, with the necessary talents and gifts to make a worthwhile contribution to the world. What we make of those gifts and talents is entirely up to us. We can choose to ignore, and thereby destroy, our innate interests and abilities - or we can choose to pursue them, despite our doubts and fears, and enjoy life to the fullest.

If we wish to use our talents and gifts, we must become aware of those activities and interests we enjoy. Then we must make the effort to explore the opportunities and alternatives available to us. If we do not find a place for our interests and abilities in the world around us, we needn't be discouraged. We can create one. Dedication and perseverance have opened many seemingly closed doors.

TODAY - Am I doing the best with what I've been given? Am I using my capabilities well? If I am not, am I willing to take the necessary action to achieve inner satisfaction?


















*********
I thought the above was good for describing some of the folks I have been talking with lately.....a lot of us are hurting,..or have serious financial or health concerns....

Many of these things may not be resolved immediately...moreover, some may not be resolved to our satisfaction......but still, we must press on...looking for a solution....IMO everyone has to be comfortable with the choices they are making....but there are always a multitude of choices,,,,,our job is to seek out those choices and pursue them as our lives depended on it....because quite often it does....



The little thread that could...:clapping::clapping:

When I first started this thread, I had no idea it would become so popular. I thought a few of us would come here, and talk openly about our problems...in thanks to all of the brave ones who have done that so far, I thank you kindly for sharing someof your deepest ooncerns and issues here....anyone who posts in this thread is to be commended for taking the risk.....:thumbsup:

Just to be clear...
There have been many who posted here, who were not alcoholics,,,,but they merely came in to register support or comment on a statement that was made....and I am grateful for those who decided to jump in here with their opinions.....you are always welcome and appreciated....

And to re-state...posting in here is no indication whatsoever of you having a problem or going through any kind of a struggle,,,,,posting by some people here is an affirmation of support for the folks like me who were born this way and the support is greatly appreciated.....

But it does appear some folks are interested anonymously....a LOT of folks...as this thread has more views than any other thread here....the views speak volumes about the popularity of any thread,,,,,more so this one....

To those anonymous people who click on and check in on this thread frequently...if you are struggling with any issues, and think they may be alcoholism or drug related,,,feel free to contact me, at ANY time,,,,my response will be completely confidential, and if you ask for my confidentiality, you can be assured of it, for life.....I would be glad to help give you some possible options to things that are troubling you...whether I know you, or not......

Thanks for reading..folks!!!!! :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
--Burton Hillis

The start of a new month is a natural time to take a look at our lives. Are we happy most days? Do we know how to be happy?

We can choose to be happy, no matter what happened in our past or what is going on around us now. But being happy doesn't come naturally to a lot of us. We didn't like ourselves, or our lives, before.

But things are different now. Thanks to our recovery, we are clean and sober and learning to be happy. Being happy starts with the changes in us - being willing to work the steps, to go to any lengths, and deciding to be happy. Today we feel good about ourselves and our lives. We trust that our Higher Power is guiding us to a better life, day by day.

Today help me choose happiness by being grateful for life.









**********
Happiness is not financial security, or the flashiest car, or gear, or biggest house....it's a state of mind....
The society we live in today tries to convince us through advertising that happiness is gained from the products we buy or things we possess.....

The key to happiness for me is good health., good friends, healthy relationships, and trying to have a positive attude about things. I sometimes fail in the last category, and when that happens I know it, because other things tend to fall apart too. So try your best to have a positive outlook. Even if your life currently sucks, there has to be a silver lining somewhere...you just have to be willing to look for it....http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[DarkSkies]

No man is more cheated than the selfish man.
--Henry Ward Beecher

When we're selfish, we close off the channels of exchange with others. Not only are we grabbing and holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we are denying others the possibility of sharing with us in the benefits. We may be selfish in material goods, but there are many other ways too. Some of us expect our spouses to meet our needs while we make little effort to meet theirs. Some of us discover our selfishness as we drive, refusing to yield a position to another car or getting furious if we lose a place in heavy traffic.

By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses nourish the spirit within us and create a good environment for our growth. Sometimes giving does not come easily We have a more generous spirit when we are in touch with our ultimate vulnerability. All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have a good life. We can truly hold on to nothing but ourselves. Giving what we can of our time, our energy, and our goods, helps create the kind of world we want to live in.

Today, I will look for ways to be generous with those with whom I share this world.







*******
I can spot selfish people a mile away. Have absolutely no use for em...maybe that's why this post speaks to me....you have to give to get in this world...learn that well and many doors will open for you....:learn:

[DarkSkies]

In life, the difficult periods are the best periods to gain experience and shore up determination. As a result, my mental status is much improved because of them.
--The Dalai Lama

Life is a process of meeting and solving problems. Solving problems is a way that we test and develop our spiritual muscle. Think of outstanding people such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Helen Keller. Lincoln faced the problem of a divided country; Gandhi, an oppressed India; Keller, her personal handicaps. In rising to meet their vision, courage, fortitude, and compassion, they became great - not in spite of, but because of their problems.

Problems often come to us in the form of crisis. The Chinese glyph for the word crisis contains two symbols; one means danger and the other opportunity. When an obstacle is before you, use it to create a beneficial result. As with Lincoln, Gandhi, and Keller, let your problems bring out your greatness.

Rather than pray for a life that is problem-free, ask for one that is solution-full. Instead of requesting that God remove the mountain before you, seek the strength to climb it. Remember that the best students always get the toughest problems. Love the problems you have, and their priceless gifts will be yours.

******
Lots of wisdom in the quote above. :learn:


********
Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work.
--Beyond Codependency

Problems and conflicts are parts of life and relationships - with friends, family, loved ones, and at work. Problem solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time.

Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.

Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again.

Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.

Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we don't waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.

We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible.

Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem solving efforts




********
I thought the above passage was significant because to me it shows that we can apply old-fashioned values and principles to relationships. I have spoken many times on here about relationships where people take and don't give, those are the ones you should be walking away from,,,

but there are others, as descrbed above, where things are not so clear-cut--- and these, IMO, are the ones where we need to try to analyze, salvage where possible, and continue to work on...all relationships require work, some more than others...remember that....thanks for reading....:thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

I know most guys didn't care about her...

I wasn't a fan of her music, or her acting, or any of that...
but I was a fan of her ability to drag herself by the bootstraps out of her humble beginnings, and make a superstar success out of it.....:clapping::clapping:

My other interest lies in the fact that she was an alcoholic and addict, like me....I tend to have empathetic interests in people who have those characteristics, and, despite that.....
manage to rise above....
Whitney certainly did rise above...to astonishing heights....:thumbsup:

The sad thing to me is that somehow along the journey she developed a drug and alcohol addiction....http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png....the addiction wasn't the shameful part to me,...it was her denial of the true nature of that addiction, right to the end.....

Although she was interviewed about it several years ago...IMO she wasn't honest, couldn't even be candid about the drugs she was doing......and in this regard she was still in denial......

The strides we make as addicts and alcoholics are exemplary sometimes., and we can be proud when we have managed to look at our addictions honestly and can, through time and hard work, rise above them...







Even heroin is no longer a badge of shame...look at Robert Downey, hospitalized and jailed several times for his heroin addiction, and currently one of the best action and drama movie stars out there, now that he has admitted his addictions and committed himself to recovery....

He was beaten up enough to admit his failures and willing to work on rebuilding his life.

I know that this may seem harsh to some, but IMO Whitney Houston, and Charlie Sheen, were and are in denial....the money they made helped to insulate them from the consequences...but those behaviors,, and denial, eventually killed Whitney, and may eventually kill Charlie...if he doesn't get honest and get help as well....

I am sorry that she is dead,..

In my life I have known people with as much talent and promise as her, that are now dead as well. The people I'm referring to were never famous, so many won't have an interest in their stories....I think fame is part of the thing that draws us in to feel for these people...but in the end, it's fame that can hide their problems, and contribute to their deaths, as well.


RIP, Whitney, and may God Bless and Watch over your Family...... http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png

[DarkSkies]

Every day is a different day. You never know what it will bring. That's the exciting thing about getting up every morning.
--Alpha English

No doubt we have all hit spells when we didn't feel the urge to get the day going. Pulling the covers up around us seemed far more inviting. There's nothing wrong with occasionally resisting the next twenty-four hours. We do need variety in our lives. Even a healthy, fun routine is still a routine. Shaking it up is good for us. But if we make a habit of avoiding whatever plans we've made, we need to take an inventory of our feelings. Depression isn't foreign to most of us. Chronic depression needs to be addressed, however.

If we begin to feel blue about our lives, let's make sure we are expressing our feelings to a friend. Generally, there is a simple solution. Maybe we have forgotten to pray and meditate regularly. Perhaps we have become self-absorbed. Being appreciative of others generally changes how we see every aspect of our lives. Recounting with a confidant or in a journal all the blessings and achievements we've accumulated over these many decades often pushes us out of the doldrums.

Let's remember that most days surprised us with their outcomes. We never got exactly what we expected. This is one certainty about life that we can always count on.




Today is bound to surprise me in how it unfolds. I'll appreciate what comes my way.







*****
Some good advice above....:learn:

[DarkSkies]

Today I will be grateful for where I am now.

My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now - I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I'm grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I've made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I'm treated with respect and dignity.

I will use this day as a gift, one that I've given myself because I deserve it. I will use this day to be glad for all I've accomplished.









************
Sanskrit Proverb....
I first read this when I was in rehab....how fortunate I was to have the insurance to be able to go to rehab back then....

“Look well to this day, for it is life, the very life of life.



In it lies all the realities and verities of existence: the bliss of growth, the glory of action, splendor of beauty.



For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow only a vision.



But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.



Look well, therefore, to this day, for it and it alone is life! Such is the salutation of the dawn.”

[storminsteve]

Dark, re whitney houston, do you agree with them flying the NJ flags at half-mast for her?

[DarkSkies]

The Fox and the Stork

One evening the fox invited his friend the stork to dinner. For a joke the fox prepared soup and served it in a shallow dish. The fox could easily lap up the soup. But the stork, with its long bill, went hungry. The fox gave the stork a sly grin and said, "I am so sorry. It seems as if the soup is not to your liking."

"There is no need to apologize," the stork replied. "I would like to repay your hospitality and invite you to dinner tomorrow night."

The next evening, the stork served the fox a meal in a long-necked jar with a narrow mouth. The stork could easily reach into the jar and eat, but the fox could not and went hungry. "I will not apologize for the dinner," the stork said. "because one bad turn deserves another." After that, the fox and the stork were no longer friends.

The Moral of the story: Revenge may be sweet, but the damage it does cannot be repaired.

No matter how wronged you may feel by the words or actions of another, remember that revenge, retaliation, and harboring resentment serve no useful purpose.

I will let go of past resentments and consider no one to be my enemy.





**********
Good advice above. I have only to look at my own dysfunctional family to know that resentments aren't healthy. Not only that, but they take time and effort from your everyday life. I have had to learn to let the insanity of my family members go, and distance myself from it.

It works for me, and helps me to focus on my daily and strategic goals.
Try this, the concept of letting go. It may seem strange at first, but eventually you realize it puts you on a better path....:learn:



**********
Stormin Steve, Re your comment about the NJ flags at half-mast for Whitney....
My feelings on this are that we have War Heroes and Veterans who served their country and died doing so....many times these Brave Soldiers come back to their families in a box...there is some good preparation at the Airport - I once knew a Soldier who was in charge of taking care of the bodies before they were presented to the families. All that is done with dignity and honor.

However, I feel if we are to honor someone with a flag at half-mast, it should be for those Soldiers who have fought for our country, and died doing it..that, is what we should be honoring.

Again, as I recently mentioned above, I feel bad for Whitney and her family, my deepest condolences. However, that flag at half-mast is a symbolic honor. I feel it should be reserved for those who gave their lives for our country....:thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Trouble is a part of life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
--Dinah Shore

Just as gravity keeps us grounded and connected to the earth, our fellowship keeps us bound to sobriety. The fellowship available to us in our Twelve Step program keeps us in reality. A problem pondered in isolation seems immense; the same problem shared by those who truly understand is manageable. We need other people from the moment we are born. We need to be included, to feel we're a part of something larger than ourselves. Our spirits hunger for contact from others, and thirst for a relationship with God.

Our fellowship is there, a warm, friendly, and accepting family. Our Higher Power loves us. We are not alone, no matter where we travel, no matter how large our problems seem at the moment. Our joys are doubled and our sadness diminished through the sharing of our hearts.

Today help me listen carefully and give as well as take so I may fully experience this gift of fellowship.









*****
The old school traditions I grew up under taught you that as a man, you didn't ask for help....who here among us doesn't remember our Dads or a family member refusing to ask for directions...(this was before the advent of GPS, so if you're 25, and reading this, you will have no idea what the heck I'm talking about...):laugh:

The act of asking for help is important..
Sometimes you will not get the help you need...
Or people will not help you exactly the way you predicted or desired....but if you learn how to ask people, you WILL get something.....

And this is important because there are times when there are some things so foreboding we should not face them on our own...the death or a parent, spouse, or child,,,,the notice that we or someone we know has a fatal disease....and there are many others...

There is also the danger that someone who doesn't ask for help can fall into a depression so deep, that the only way out that they see, is suicide...While not common, it's more common than you think...and it has touched the lives of those around us.

By the time you hit your 30's, you will probably know of or hear of a person who has committed suicide. One of my relatives did, and I still think of it to this day...how I was a troubled teen, and thought of it often, and there but for the Grae of God, I could have made that choice as welll...

Alcoholics and Addicts seem to be more prone to suicide than other groups, based mostly on my experience with thes behaviors and friends I have had, and lost....

Other life experiences can trigger this as well.,....when someone you know tends to experience great feelings of loneliness,,,,that's not a good sign either.

You can't prevent someone from commmitting suicide if they have a fierce determination to do it...and often those are the few among us who think no one else would understand the problem they are having, so they keep it to themselves....http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.png


If you do know anyone who is behaving differently, withdrawn, loneliness, sadness, depression, try to make the connection to help them see life in a better perspective...if you can't do that, suggest therapy...but please don't ignore it....your regrets for Eternity will not bring them back, or change something that you might have done, to get that person the help that they needed....:learn:

[jonthepain]

A buddy of mine, ex drinker, was describing in detail how he would kill himself to me and my son yesterday over breakfast.

I thought it odd, but we were talking about our previous deaths (both of us have died and been brought back; the nurse who resuscitated him happened to be our waitress yesterday,) so I did not take him at all seriously. Actually, it's hard to take anything he says seriously.

He is going thru some tough financial times at the moment, but who isn't?

Maybe I'll stop by his place today and see how he's doing.

[DarkSkies]

Jon, sorry I didn't respond to this sooner.
It's my experience that when people talk about suicide a lot, they may not follow through. Talking about it is a sign that they are looking for someone or something to intervene...

You never know, though, and can never be sure...
I would take his talking about it as a sign he's considering it....

I hope you had a chance to talk to him since then....

If not please do, and I know if with the wisdom and common sense advice you have, you could reach him, and possibly get him to consider talking to a 3rd party about it....

Please let us know what happens here, and keep us posted,,,,
or call me...you know I'm gonna worry about this till ya do.... :HappyWave:

[dogfish]

When I was in high school the uncle of a girlfriend killed himself. The family never saw it coming. If you have a chance, reach out.

[DarkSkies]

Thanks for sharing that Dogfish.



********
I always entertain great hopes.
--Robert Frost

In our honest journey, we must admit life is often difficult and painful. But these facts do not describe all of life, and they do not determine how we respond. The sun rises warm and bright after a cold and dark night. The open, generous smile of a small child reaches into the soft part of us all. To be strong and hardy on this spiritual path, we must be truthful about the pain and unfairness in life while holding firmly to a belief in all the generous possibilities.

Surrendering to despair, we trade the uncertainty of options for the certainty of gloom. Then we might say, "At least I'm never disappointed this way." Life isn't filled only with difficulty and pain. It is also filled with people whose dignity and spirit rise above their circumstances.

There are situations when great sacrifice or love and wisdom turn a problem into an opportunity and strength. If we look at what has happened in our own lives and in those of others, we have ample reason to hope.

My own experience in recovery gives me great hope in what can be.





********
Some good words of inspiration above....

[DarkSkies]

You're never too old to grow up.
--Shirley Conran

A child's view of adults is that they have arrived at some fixed point where they are emancipated and have all the tools necessary for life. An adult knows that we never stop growing. Many of us have been stuck in an immature level of development. Our life stresses and our addictions took us off the track of emotional growth. We found substitutes and evasions for truly dealing with the normal life problems. Now we are back on the much more rewarding path of truly living and growing.

We accept the adult wisdom that we all need help and we all continue to learn and grow throughout our life span. We finally feel like adults because we take responsibility for our actions. We don't blame others for our problems, and when our days feel challenging, we can ask for help. Back on our path, we are never alone.

Today I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.



******
Good one for today....

[finchaser]

yeah i'm still working on that growing up thing

[bababooey]

X2. You're only young once.
You can be immature forever.:d

[DarkSkies]

Some pretty intense readings I have seen lately.,,,sorry I haven't been posting on the site much, trying to whittle the time down so I can finish work and spend more time OTW......



Hope and patience are two sovereign remedies for all, the surest reposal, the softest cushions to lean on in adversity.
--Robert Burton

It is just as easy to think, "I can" as it is to think, "I can't." Both attitudes are habitual orientations to life that can become automatic with practice. Neither attitude has as much to do with the task at hand as it does with the inner spirit of the person facing the task. In either case, the task is the same - only the attitude is different.

But what a difference! The "I can" people are the ones we want to spend time with and to use as models. These are the people who either have never lost, or have worked to regain the positive outlook we are all born with. It never occurs to a baby, for example, that all that staggering and falling means he or she will never learn to walk. Babies grow, move forward, and succeed. They haven't learned to hang back or fear defeat. Knee-jerk negativity is something we can all do without. Let's backtrack to that time in our lives when all things were possible ... because they still are.

Today, I will focus on my successes. "I can" is my credo.





****************
This is a good one for couples.....
Communicating
...armed to deal with whatever comes

One couple never told each other anything negative if they could avoid it. They always protected each other from bad news. Their neighbors, however, were not that careful about what they said. They had a positive attitude but they believed that reality was not to be shaped or measured in their words, so they just laid it on the line with each other.

The first couple seemed more sedate and calm while their neighbors seemed more in turmoil. But over time the first couple's protective attitude worked like a wedge that drove quiet distance between them as more and more unresolved issues were ignored or sugar-coated. The second couple always clearly knew what was going on. They did not have to wonder what the truth was behind each other's words, and they dealt with issues as they arose. Time brought them more deeply into the lively embrace of their trusting relationship.

Bad news is part of life, just as good news is. When we engage life we do not shy away from problems; we do our loved ones the favor of speaking the truth. Then our relationships are armed to deal with whatever comes.

[DarkSkies]

Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.
--Lao-tzu

A group of friends went swimming one day and one of them lost a ring in the bottom of the lake.

Everyone started diving from different directions to find it until there was so much mud and sand stirred up that no one could see anything. Finally, they decided to clear the water. They waited silently on the edge of the shore for the mud from all their activity to settle. When it finally cleared, one person dove in slowly and picked up the ring.

When we are confused about something in our lives, we will often hear answers and advice from all directions. Our friends will tell us one thing and our families another, until we feel pretty well mixed up. If we look away from our problem and let patience and time do their work, the mud inside us will settle and clear. Our answer will become visible, like the glimmer of silver in the water.

Am I overlooking the simple solution?




**********
I think the above advice and analogies are profound.
I've found when faced with a stressful problem, it can become overwhelming....

One thing that works well for me is to step away from it for awhile...
on returning, things sometimes have more clarity....
Another thing I learned, is that when faced with a problem, look for the easiest solution first...it may not work, but it's a smart choice to go from one logical solution to another....in the order of complexity....

[jonthepain]

that's kinda similar to something i read in a dale carnegie book. dale had a friend that would write down the things he was worried or concerned about every saturday night.

after a year or so, he went back and read some of his entries. seems that most of the things he was worried about when he wrote them seemed pretty silly a year later.

[DarkSkies]

^^ I hear ya, Jon. We sometimes tend to make the problems in our lives appear greater than they are, which can create a great deal of anxiety and stress. Looking at them later on, we see that they weren't so bad....

Over the course of my life I have gone back to Dale Carnegie books several times. Absolutely priceless advice. :HappyWave:




*******
Perfectionism

Part of the ego reduction necessary to our recovery is the acceptance of the fact that we are not and never will be perfect. Perfectionism gets in the way of recovery because it imposes impossible, unrealistic goals which guarantee failure. If we do not think we have to be perfect, then we can accept our mistakes as learning experiences and be willing to try again.Deepening acquaintance with our Higher Power is good insurance against perfectionism. We come to believe that God accepts and loves us as we are, and this gives us the courage and humility to accept ourselves.

We are not perfect, but we are growing. In spite of our weaknesses, we can serve others according to God's plan for our lives. Accepting our own limitations makes us more tolerant of the faults and weaknesses of those around us. Together, we progress.

I am thankful that I don't need to be perfect.









We all make mistakes in life. No need to fear that as long as we can learn from them. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

The cause is hidden, but the result is known.
--Ovid

We know it's coming before we do it. Our boy[girl]friend dumps us and we devour the ice cream. We don't get the promotion so we head for the bar. We have a fight with our spouse and treat ourselves to a new leather jacket - at his or her expense. We decide that because we're feeling bad anyway, we might as well take full advantage of it. We figure the worse we feel, the more entitled we are to the indulgence.

This type of behavior starts a cycle. The worse we feel, the more we want to self-destruct. Let's face it - our actions are usually premeditated.

We think about the ice cream, the drink, or the leather jacket until we can get to it. During the planning stage, we can shift gears. We think it through. We know we have a choice. We decide to do something healthy instead of destructive.

Today I will make only healthy choices for myself.



This is a good illustration of how the addiction works. The rationalization is logical and seems to flow, We need to realize that thinking like that is bad for us. Some call it stinking thinking.










*******
Avoiding blame

It is not uncommon to hear in group, "Why do these things always happen to me?" If "these things" are always happening to us, the obvious answer is that we somehow bring them on ourselves. We are largely unconscious of what we're doing wrong until, slowly, eventually; we manage to dig ourselves out from the results. (It seems incredible that we actually seek to be hurt, but in a way many of us do so, with regularity.)

But blaming others for our problems and indulging in self-pity don't move us along in our program.

Am I still blaming others?

Higher Power, help me take responsibility for myself and my actions, because blaming others will only keep me stuck.





******
Some who know me may have noticed me being hard on myself. I'm much tougher than anyone could ever be. That's because, on the flip side, I come from a family where a lot of them blame others, so much so that I got sick of hearing it....,and try my best not to do that. I'm not always successful at it, but blaming others, IMO, gets you nowhere and keeps you stagnant in your growth.,

[DarkSkies]

Acceptance of things I can't fix.

One of the sad realities of life is that we're awash in a disorder that we can't fix. All around us, the world seethes and festers with ailments and injustices that are beyond our control.

We can react by becoming angry or by making quixotic efforts to solve some of these problems. Our best course, however, is to apply our Twelve Step program to life in this world. The Serenity Prayer suggests we accept what we can't change. A slogan reminds us to set priorities ("First Things First"). The Eleventh Step reminds us to always seek God's will.

This will enable me to live effectively while doing my best to serve others. In time, I may even discover that I can fix a few of the seemingly insoluble problems around me.

I'll realize today that I have the ability only to do certain things within my sphere of experience. I'll see to it, however, that I do these things well.


*******
The serenity prayer is so simple that some wonder how something as easy as that can help them guide their lives...

"God grant me the Serenity..
to accept the things I cannot change..
the courage to change the things I can...
And the Wisdom to know the difference...."


Simple words above, but sometimes, what is simplest, works best....:learn:

[jonthepain]

Some who know me may have noticed me being hard on myself.

That's because it's ALL YOUR FAULT

lol

[DarkSkies]

^ You sound like Pebbles... :HappyWave:
We have a scenario we play out all the time....
Whenever there are any problems in our lives....it's MY FAULT....:don't know why:...all the time....Geez I can't get no respect, Rodney Dangerfield move over....:laugh:

[DarkSkies]

You are the hero of your life.

Each of us plays the starring role in the drama that is our life. We co-create the script along with our Higher Power. Sometimes we forget our lines, and so we improvise as best we can. We are heroes, each of us, as we move through the events of the day, refining our character and using our gifts to shape the action of every scene.

We can each be a hero in the drama of recovery. To the casual observer, what we do and say may not appear to be at all heroic. But we - as insiders who are only too well acquainted with our individual limitations - can appreciate and applaud a difficult decision or action.

When we accept our role in life, when we pledge to use our energies to do the best we can, and when we rely on our Higher Power for guidance and support, we will be well on our way toward recovering.

I can be a hero today, even if it doesn't show.




*******
There are times when we look at our lives...we may think it's not as exciting or challenging as we hoped it might be....we may say to ourselves...."Hey, this isn't my life, I didn't sign on for this!"
:(

I know there are many times I have felt this way....
Maturity involves accepting our life as it is....and making the best of it....

If we don't like something, we can work towards changing it, if change is possible..
If not, it's healthy choice to learn how to accept some things, and do the best we can with them....


My Dad, who was an angry person, and at times pretty mean, was someone from whom you didn't think any good advice would come from....his negativity reigned through his personality....and he understood nothing about alcoholism, addiction, or compulsivity, despite his lifelong addiction to gambling....

However, he did have his moments, and taught me some lessons that I still remember to this day, decades later....

One of them, is "Make the best of things...."


Thanks Dad...
Miss ya.....:thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Easy Does It

So, you surrendered. You let go. Now you're ready to face a particular challenge. So you hunker down and garner all your forces. And you hit the wall again.

What's wrong? you may ask. I'm doing all the spiritual things I'm supposed to do. And things still aren't working, I can't get anywhere.

Did you ever try to get a key to unlock a door, and you tried and tried, and the key just wouldn't open it? The harder you tried, the more frustrated you became. So you stopped trying for a while, relaxed, and tried again. Voila. The key fit perfectly and the slightest turn unlocked the door.

There's a gentler way of being in the world, of trying things, doing things, going about our business.

Whether I'm tackling a specific project, enjoying a new relationship, or grinding through some miserable situation, my first inclination is to force myself and try too hard. If one cup of tea tastes good, I'll drink five. If I want to express love or concern for someone, I'll overdo it.

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well," doesn't mean if it's worth doing, try harder and harder. Doing it well means relaxing and letting the actions unfold gently, naturally, without force. Pull back a little. Relax



*******
I don't know about folks reading this, but this advice fits me perfectly. I'm constantly driving myself. Nothing is ever good enough, I always tell myself I can do better, even when I'm fishing.

This compulsiveness is good, and sometimes beneficial in business, and other matters.
But it does tend to affect those around you, when you are so intense all the time....

Learning to be a little less intense is one of my goals for 2012....

Easy does it.....

[jonthepain]

wisest thing i've heard you say yet.

[DarkSkies]

^ Thanks Jon....I'm trying





When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred.
--Thomas Jefferson

Sometimes we just want to yell. Maybe a family member or a friend messed up, and we want to "set them straight." Start counting. Maybe we got chewed out at work and we want "to get even." Start counting.

We can get drunk on anger. We may feel powerful when we "set someone straight." But like an alcohol high, an anger high lasts only a short time and can hurt others. We must control our anger. This is why we count. Cool down. Think out what you need or want to say. Use words that you'll not be ashamed of later. Learning how to respect others when we're angry is a sign of recovery.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, teach me to respect others when I'm angry.

Action for the Day

Today, when I feel angry I'll count. I'll work at not controlling others with my anger.






*******
Some more wisdom....

[mick2360]

I go for months without an urge to drink. After twenty years, I have gotten pretty good at dealing with my demons. Yesterday I took a few days off and went to Montauk....too early to fish unless I jump on one of the cod boats but I love being out here. Once I checked in and got myself unpacked, I made a call to the wife and then settled in for the evening with a book and a cigar. Suddenly I had this urge to 'have a couple of drinks'. I know this particular demon; I get somewhere alone and it whispers to me, "Hey, no one will ever know!". I got my phone and made a check in call with a bud of mine and, as it will do, the urge passed. It is too big for me alone and, as it happens, I am fairly competent in most areas of my life. This one thing is too much for me alone and it is my way to reach for help. Thank God for friends. It is hours later, I have slept for a time and I am ready for a long walk on the beach to wait for the sunrise. Sober. Thank God.

[DarkSkies]

. This one thing is too much for me alone and it is my way to reach for help. Thank God for friends. It is hours later, I have slept for a time and I am ready for a long walk on the beach to wait for the sunrise. Sober. Thank God.

Mick, thanks for sharing that.
Doing that, shows the wisdom you have acquired over the last 20 years.
I think from a man's perspective, it's hard for us to ask for help...but we as alcoholics and addicts have to get over that apprehension...because at times it could mean the difference between life and death.....

I'm glad you called your friend, and remembered that old AA saying..
"This too, shall pass..."

Our disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful...
the only disease that insists it's not a disease...:kooky:



Keep up the good work, one day at a time....:clapping: :HappyWave:
Hope to see ya soon...:)

[DarkSkies]

Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom, which flows through your life. Then, without effort, you are impelled to truth and to perfect contentment.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

When the renowned composer Johann Sebastian Bach was praised for his music, he responded, "To God goes the glory." When a well-known writer was asked to reveal his secret, he said, "I am simply the person whom the words came through." Like many who have excelled in their field, these artists know that it is God who makes us great, that it is the spirit within that expresses its perfect purpose through us.

God wants to do great things through you, too. In your prayers and meditation, ask that Infinite Intelligence work through you for the highest good of yourself and others. Ask to be a channel for the expression of the Divine plan. Then trust that spirit will guide you each step of the way, ensuring the right outcome of every situation and providing for all your needs.

You have a purpose and a mission - something to contribute during your stay on earth. Even now, spirit is beckoning you to fulfill your unique greatness. Listen and you will hear the call.




*******
I liked the above passage because I thought it was meaningful.
I tend to stay away from pushing religion on this site, as the AA and NA principles talk about a Higher Power, not necessarily God (but it can be God, if that's your choice).

I think this way, I am not pushing religion on anyone...it's up to you what you believe and how strongly.
I will say that there are times when I have come to understand that lately, I cannot do it alone, and am reaching out to God more and more.

I'm still pretty independent in my actions, but faith in God has greatly helped me to better deal with the injustices I see every day in the world,. and the terrible things some people are doing to each other....:learn:

[DarkSkies]

Over 37,000 views and still growing....

When I first started this thread I had no real expectations of its potential..
Along the way I've learned a few things...

* Many folks tune in here anonymously.
* Some seem to get good benefits from it,. and are incredulous in some of the e-mails I get...asking me if I'm not embarassed being so candid...
:don't know why:
* I was more embarassed passing out drunk and high, on the floors of public restrooms, passing out in public places, and losing the trust and respect of family, friends, and loved ones. :o
* In my sobriety these embarassments are not common anymore...yet I still have the issues many people have in their lives, so I don't mind being open and honest about them...
* I also don't mind when good friends like Finchaser :moon: and others here bust balls about me having smelly waders, smelling like bunker, or clams, being a GOOGAN,....or not taking a shower for 2 days....it's all good....
:kiss: :HappyWave:


The thing that pushes me to continue posting is that I see a lot of people benefiting from this thread, not just alcoholics or addicts....compulsive behavior can come in many disguises, even fishing...
:learn:




















One of the latest e-mails I got thanked me profusely for this thread, said they weren't an alcoholic but it was part of their family history......
I want folks to know these e-mails are always anonymous unless you request or allow me to post up part of it as a help to others...your confidentiality and my discretion is something you can count on....

And if there's any way I can help folks out there anonymously, with suggestions for meetings, advice, etc, feel free to contact me at any time....part of my recovery is I must try to help those in similar situations when asked......

To the latest person who sent me the encouraging e-mail.....they will recognize themselves because I told them I would be mentioning this....thanks for the words of encouragement, and feel free to call me anytime there is something I might be able to advise you on.....


Remember that you are a person of good character, whose words also mean a lot to folks in your circle....a lot of them can benefit from your wisdom....

Best wishes to all, and remember that the lives we live will always have their ups and downs.....the key to survival is to learn how to ride them out......
:thumbsup:


Thanks for reading , folks......:HappyWave:

[storminsteve]

* I also don't mind when good friends like Finchaser :moon: and others here bust balls about me having smelly waders, smelling like bunker, or clams, being a GOOGAN,....or not taking a shower for 2 days....it's all good....
:kiss: :HappyWave:


The thing that pushes me to continue posting is that I see a lot of people benefiting from this thread, not just alcoholics or addicts....compulsive behavior can come in many disguises, even fishing...
:learn:


Glad you don't mind the ball busting, because I enjoy doing it, knowing that you won't ban me.:HappyWave:

Keep up the good work.

[dogfish]

Good job, DS.

[DarkSkies]

Glad you don't mind the ball busting, because I enjoy doing it, knowing that you won't ban me.:HappyWave:

Keep up the good work.


Who sez I won't ban ya, Steve? :laugh:
:HappyWave:

I ban an average of 5 idiots a week..(mostly spammers who got through our filters)...one of the recent ones registered as "A**Clown".
He couldn't understand why he was immediately banned before he got a chance to post...:bucktooth: and was pretty incensed that I banned him.....I really don't have the time to Mod this site like I used to, so if someone looks like they will be a potential problem, I have no problem removing them first, and then letting them state their case.

I don't want to get into the mentality here that I see on some other sites, the incessant whining and self-entitlement.
Our members deserve better than that.....
There are no "Mod Que" or Infraction points here....if people are going to be attacking others we don't want them ....I have gotten a lot of e-mails thanking us for the way we do things here, so I know I'm doing the right thing.....


But you, Steve....you're the King of Poetic Verses and Crazy Stories....guess I have to give ya a little leeway....:)




******

For Today.....

The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live.
--Mortimer Adler

In some areas of our lives we are right on target. Our level of maturity is exactly as it should be, and we are going through the stages that people of our age ought to be going through. In other areas, this is not so. We are complex people, irregular, uneven. In all of us there are areas fixated in some emotional ice age, areas that have not felt the freeing warmth of the sun.

We cannot expect ourselves to move forward all at once. Not only is it okay to move slowly - it's often the only way it can be. Confusion, conflict, or pain may have caused us to let our memories or feelings be frozen safely away. This has been a long process, and we can allow ourselves more time to heal. The task now is not to deny or hide from these changes, but to have confidence that the healing warmth of the program will reflect on all areas of our lives and help make us whole.

I am thankful I am given both time and patience in which to continue my growth.



*******
I think the passages above are ok to follow, as long as we don't use that "moving slowly" concept as a crutch. Life is meant to be lived, with all its ups and downs, all its successes and failures. Failing at things is perfectly ok as long as we learn from it. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
--Joseph Fort Newton

Remember building snow forts? After a sticky snowfall we'd build a big snow wall. Then we'd mass-produce snowballs, preparing for battle. The team who built the best snow fort usually won, for their wall provided the best protection.

Are we still playing snow fort when we meet new people or spend time with family? Each of us has a wall we started building in our childhood. Each time we were hurt, we would fortify the wall to offer greater protection. We may not even realize it now, but we may have such strong, high walls in front of us that even the most ardent friends can't get over them.

We may feel protected behind our wall, but we may also feel lonely. Walls are built to keep people out. To feel less lonely, we need to make a little crawl space to let people in. We don't have to destroy our walls in one day, but perhaps we can let at least one person in. We will learn, one person at a time, what it feels like to be less protected, and less lonely.

I can make an opening in my wall of protection and let someone get to know me. I will be safe.








********
I was having a conversation with a friend a while ago. I'm hoping they will see these words and think about what I asked them......
They related they had always been shy....my point to them was that as we get older in life, we may start to see that being shy prevents us from letting people in to our lives, and could prevent us from realizing our true potential.

This also relates to me as well. Until I was 17, I was painfully shy.(I know it's probably hard for folks to believe, but I was :o)..the bookworm kid who brought home armfuls of books home every night to study. :learn:

Books and studying were my world. I remember winning a contest for reading the most books and doing reports on them...in those books I got to see worlds other than my own...and developed a thirst for travelling and adventure....still, the shyness persisted, until I found drugs and alcohol....these gave me what I referred to as courage to be "who I really was" :kooky:

In my sobriety I learned that drugs and alcohol can give us a false sense of courage, and that the inner person, who we really are....is often something that will develop, if we give it a chance and learn to interact successfully with others....For me, part of doing that is having a genuine interest in their lives....





So for those out there who are shy, or consider themselves to be the "quiet type".....I agree that sometimes it's good to know when to shut your mouth....

But if there is something you feel passionately about, and you are keeping silent for fear others might know more than you.......you may be missing out on a chance to express yourself...and may regret it later.....food for thought. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

[DarkSkies]

Each day is different and has a surprise in it, like a Cracker Jack box.
--Alpha English

It's interesting to ponder the notion of surprise. Not every one of them is all that welcome. Hearing bad news about a friend or having a special trip we'd been counting on canceled can leave us dismayed and worried, right along with surprised. Seeking solace from others while cultivating a willingness to accept that all things happen for a reason gives us the armor we need to make the best of every situation and disappointment.

It's an interesting image to think of each day as a box of Cracker Jacks. The moments of our lives have been very tasty. Some were sweet, some were a bit salty, and there were always wholly unexpected moments, the surprises that we were ready for even though we may not have imagined as much. We can look forward to the same daily agenda throughout the remaining years.

Does it help to know that there is a divine plan unfolding in our lives? Many of us find comfort in that. All of us can cultivate that belief.

I am ready for my surprise today! It is meant for me at this time.



********
I think the first paragraph says a lot.

Sometimes I don't completely agree with these readings, and you can count on me for my honesty in telling you how I feel.

I think it's niave to think of life as like a Cracker Jack box.
There are some surprises that are painful, and can hit us like a gut punch.
Some "surprises" will end up changing our lives, often for the worst...:blackeye:
Will we survive them? How bad will our lives be if the one closest to us dies in a tragic accident, or has a terminal illness?

I think the thing to focus on here, for me, is that we can do that with the support of others.
We can survive, and we will.

I think the "Life as a bowl of cherries" analogy works best here...
Enjoy live, taste it's sweetness, savor it...but be prepared to deal with the pits, because they are part of life as well. :learn:

[DarkSkies]

The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
--Martha Washington

We all have friends who seem happy even though they run into lots of bad luck. And we all know other people who seem grumpy all the time. Nothing makes them very happy. It's puzzling, but some people have decided, maybe without even knowing it, that life is fun and should be enjoyed. No bit of bad luck has to make us miserable unless we let it.

A broken bike, a lost math assignment, a rained-out picnic are things that might make us miserable. But, we can decide they won't. Feeling happy can be a habit - just like brushing teeth before bedtime.

Will I stop and think today before I let things make me unhappy?




********
This is important. I tend to be a pessimistic person. If I want to achieve something, I mentally prepare myself for the failure. I want the success as well, but grew up with a Dad who always saw the negative side of things. I think the danger for us as addicts and alcoholics is not to let the fear or failure, make the waters of today muddy...we all know how it is to be around people who are continually pessimistic....just watch an episode of "Everyone Loves Raymond" and many of us can relate...so it's important to try to be as positive as well in your dealings with others....:learn:

[jonthepain]

Holy Mackeral, 99 pages!

wtg DS!!!

[DarkSkies]

^^ Thanks Jon, miss ya! :HappyWave:

I could have never known this thread would generate such interest...thanks for all your contributions and wisdom here. :thumbsup:

Wish you could have gotten into some of the great bass and bluefish action we had this week...:fishing:
Maybe someday....


Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great.
--Niccolo Machiavelli

Acceptance may be one of the most difficult things to learn, for it means we must give up the desire to control our life and its outcome. Once we have truly received this great gift we will learn that acceptance need not take away our strength - on the contrary, we will have an inner strength we never thought possible.

When we decided to meet the challenge of a sober life we took the first step toward acceptance - we accepted the fact that we have a disease, a chronic disease that will always be with us. By accepting this fact we will be able to cope with our lifelong struggle. This way we willingly accept the friendship of our group members and the wisdom they offer us. They have been where we are coming from, they have suffered as we suffer, and they have felt the hope we now feel.

We are being offered a way of life that, if we follow it, will bring us a peace of mind we may never have felt. By our surrender we are now willing to receive something that is being offered to us - the beginning of a new way of life.

Today let me accept my powerlessness and any help.



*******
Acceptance is something I'm ok with now. I have had struggles with it, though. I think the concept of acceptance is something that helps us to have a more even life.

[DarkSkies]

Patience is a particular requirement. Without it, you can destroy in an hour what it might take you weeks to repair.
--Charlie W. Shedd

Enjoying the moment, in its fullest, makes possible a peaceful and patient pace. Progress is guaranteed if our minds are centered in the present, on the only event deserving of our attention. We can be certain that error and frustration will haunt us if our attentions are divided.

Patience will see us through a troubled time, but how much easier it is to savor patience when it's accompanied by faith. We can know and fully trust that all is well - that our lives are on course - that individual experiences are exactly what we need at this moment. However, faith makes the knowing easier and the softness of the patient heart eases us through the times of challenge and uncertainty.

Patience slows me down long enough to notice another, and to be grateful for the gifts of the moment. Patience promises me the power to move forward with purpose. Today's fruits will be in proportion to my patience.



****
Even at this stage in my sobriety, patience is something I still struggle with. The words above ring true, patience has a lot to do with faith that things will turn out ok...and sometimes I am honestly lacking in that degree of faith...

[jonthepain]

that's just the human condition, bro. something we all struggle with.

sometimes it's just less of a struggle, that's all.

[jonthepain]

Today is the 8th anniversary of my sobriety.

I took my last drink (a couple of dozen, actually http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/upck.gif ) on Monday, May 31 - Memorial Day - 2004

Yesterday I was tempted to go down to the river
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/GEDC0203.jpg
and pound a case of Bud, but I cleaned out my truck
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/oldbessie800x.gif
and organized my tools instead.

Funny how after 8 years I'd still have issues. http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/huh.gif

Nothing a couple of shots can't make worse.
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/flamingshot.gif

Thanks to everyone here and especially Rich for all the support over the years.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Tip-Hat.gif

JC

[DarkSkies]

Today is the 8th anniversary of my sobriety.


Yesterday I was tempted to go down to the river
and pound a case of Bud, but I cleaned out my truck
and organized my tools instead.

Funny how after 8 years I'd still have issues. http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/huh.gif

Nothing a couple of shots can't make worse.


Thanks to everyone here and especially Rich for all the support over the years.

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Tip-Hat.gif

JC



Jon, I've been meaning to call ya, and tell ya that the ups and downs in life......
sometimes seems like more downs than ups......:(

I've been in a bit of a funk myself lately.....the things that used to get me excited ain't cutting it anymore.....
However......

just when I feel I'm at a low, I'm somehow reminded that my life could always be worse.....


Hang in there bud, congrats on the 8 years.....and on June 1st please tune back in here......I'm gathering up the balloons for ya! :birthday: (Happy Sobriety Day.....sure beats the in-ground alternative, don't it?)


Love ya, bro....:kiss: :clapping:
Congrats and call anytime you're down and feel like listening to some praise from a lunatic.....

[jonthepain]

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/stopdrinking.jpg


btw, congrats on page 100!

[Pebbles]

Jon what a wonderful accomplishment!!!! :clapping: Wishing you many more years of success.

[finchaser]

Ditto on the success keep it up :clapping:

[Monty]

Ditto on the success keep it up :clapping:

Double ditto, congratulations. Major, Major accomplishment.:thumbsup:

[storminsteve]

:clapping: :clapping: 8 years on the wagon, congratulations John!

[jonthepain]

thanks guys.

it's all grace.

[DarkSkies]

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/stopdrinking.jpg


btw, congrats on page 100!


Only you would be able to find something like that...congrats again......I know it has been a hard road for you....and sometimes you may question whether it's worth it or not...and when ya do,,,,ask yourself if you would still have the love of your wife, and children, if ya weren't.....:learn:....Very proud of ya, Jon....keep up the good work, one day at a time....:clapping: :clapping::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

oh i know it's worth it... it's just that sometimes, i don't give a dam. but it passes, it passes.

i know you'll love me either way - thanks for all the support over the years!

you the man

God bless

jc

[jonthepain]

Hey Rich, Congrats on 100 pages for this thread!

Way to get the word out.