One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W? [Archive]

DarkSkies

11-27-2008, 09:32 AM

Yup, Mick, my name is Dark, and I'm a recovering alcoholic.

Found this cool online site with thoughts for the day:

November 27, 2008

Thankfulness

How thankful I am today, to know that all my past failures
were necessary for me to be where I am now.
Through much pain came experience and, in suffering, I became obedient.
When I sought God, as I understand Him, He shared His treasured gifts.
Through experience and obedience, growth started,
followed by gratitude.
Yes, then came peace of mind -- living in and sharing sobriety.

For today, I am thankful for all the people who extended their hand to me in the beginning years. I was lost, and had no idea where to begin. I have gone back to those rooms from time to time, and many are no longer there. There's a completely new crop of people, like the new session of school in the fall.

But it's a lifelong "school" and learning experience for us. We can always learn from others.

I wanted to wish all the members here and their families a great Thanksgiving and Holiday Season! :HappyWave: This time of year I seem to notice others who are less fortunate. With the way the economy is going, I seem to see mopre people down on their luck. You can't help everyone, but a few words of kindness can go a long way. It feels good, and your kindness might be the spark that other person needed.

Just the other day, I was talking about some people who helped me years ago when I was down on my luck, One of them was in LE, Mr B. Those were some dark days back then, and he pulled me aside and said, Rich, you screwed up, but you'll make it out of this. Life goes on.

And it does, so I wanted to try and put some words out there for the people who may be suffering this Holiday Season. If your life looks like it can't get any worse, talk to someone, try to listen to the advice of others.

It can get better, and it will, if you work it. Don't give up, think of the people who will miss you if you're gone. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

11-27-2008, 09:45 AM

Some of mine make me laugh when I tell them but there is a sad ache of the life I missed living in a haze.

I couldn't have said that any better, Mick. We all have some outrageous war stories. I know the focus is on today, but when I think of all the quality time that I threw away living in that haze, wow. Good to keep the memory green. :clapping:

mick2360

11-27-2008, 09:50 AM

Lots of wisdom in understanding how addiction and mistakes helped make us the men that we are today. If you are suffering today, please believe me that it can get better. I remember the feeling of hopelessness and I expected it to change immediately when I tried to stop drinking. Sometimes I would fail and start to drink all over again; sometimes for a year, then a few months and gradually with longer periods of abstinence in between. AA was always an open door. People would show me the steps, encourage questions and provide guidance. Those of you who are fellow drunks probably know how I reacted to guidance but eventually, I was able to stop altogether. It has been sixteen years. The life that I have today is beyond my wildest dreams and I am very, very grateful for the chance for a life.

No matter where you are today, if you are doing things that hurt yourself and those that you love there is help. Jump on, make yourself known we can talk about the journey we know as recovery. There is no shame in recognizing that your life needs to change. Happy Thanksgiving. May your life get better from this day forward. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

11-28-2008, 05:56 AM

Thought for the day:

November 28, 2008

On The Edge

No one who drank as I did wakes up on the edge of the abyss one morning
and says: Things look pretty scary; I think I'd better stop drinking before I fall in.
I was convinced I could go as far as I wanted,
and then climb back out when it wasn't fun anymore.
What happened was, I found myself at the bottom of the canyon
thinking I'd never see the sun again.
AA didn't pull me out of that hole.
It did give me the tools to construct a ladder with Twelve Steps.

People talk about hitting bottom. I hit bottom many times, only I convinced myself each time it wasn't the bottom. I would screw up, feel terrible about it, and rationalize it wasn't that bad. People talk about banging your head against the wall and achieving the same results. I had to have my head smashed against a wall, and face death, before it was enough to scare me straight.

Words and logic from others did nothing, no matter how well-meaning they were. I had to learn life's hard lessons by myself. Remembering where I came from, and how hard it was to get out of there, helps me to keep my memory green and to stay sober today.

DarkSkies

11-29-2008, 02:49 PM

November 29, 2008

Escape Act

I was at a dead halt - spiritually, mentally, and physically.
Depression smothered my muffled thinking even more. . .
Thank God I never gave up on meetings,
so my Higher Power finally got through to me.
I realized I'd been playing the great escape act all this time.
I know now I have a lot of work to do.

I knew that routine well. The good thing was that meetings were kind of the thing that saved me from further trouble. At first people said make 90 in 90 days. So many people have trouble with that, they think: How the heck can I make so many, I have a life to live, I'm busy, dammit!

Letting something or someone take priority over out sobriety is part of the cunning, baffling, and powerful nature of our addictions.

There are times when meetings don't fit the person - guys will say to me, yeah I know I should be going, but the people at that one I go to down the street are a'holes.

Well, find another street, and another meeting. :D

DarkSkies

11-30-2008, 09:56 AM

November 30, 2008

Seeking Serenity

The program may not always be easy to practice,
but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me
after working the Steps.
As I work the Steps in everything I do,
practicing these principles in all my affairs,
now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself.

Thought to Ponder....

Serenity isn't freedom from the storm;
it is peace within the storm.

The thing about serenity for me, is that I don't view it as a goal or milestone. Otherwise it's too difficult. Instead I look at it as a gradual process.

The stuff about God I have been reading in the AA site I am doing the c&p from is a little heavy. Honestly, some of ythat turns me off at times. The way I look at these readings is to take what you want from them, and kind of minimize the rest.

I remember on another site there was a guy who was against the concept of meetings and God. He was so strongly set in his thinking, calling the meetings "brainwashing sessions". He was viewing people in recovery as being under some kind of mind control, so he naturally was against it. I think some of his resistance was hurting him in a negative sense because he closed his mind to all of the possibilities.

The cool thing about meetings and trying to recover is no one tells you exactly what to do unless you ask for advice. Just take what you want, leave the rest, that's what works for me.

mick2360

11-30-2008, 11:47 AM

jonthepain

12-01-2008, 12:13 PM

3 1/2 years sober today.

It's all grace.

DarkSkies

12-01-2008, 12:28 PM

December 1, 2008

One Among Many

As a lifelong know-it-all, people-pleaser, caretaker, mind-reader,
problem-fixer, and control freak,
I am incredibly susceptible to believing my own propaganda.
Of course, pretty soon someone lets me know that I am very dispensable,
and my input or advice isn't needed, thank you very much.
When I go to meetings, I am reminded that I am one among many.
This is truly a "we" program.

Some of the dangerous thinking we get into as alcoholics is that we are unique, and no one could possibly have the same problems as us due to our uniqueness. Uniqueness is to be prized when you are talking about creative pursuit, art, hobbies, stuff like that.

But the more I distanced myself from other peopel because they didn't drink the same thing I did, or ingest the same substances I did, the more I was isolating myself.

A good friend once said to me he couldn't possibly be an alcoholic because he went to a better school than me, and didn't grow up hanging out with street people like I did. He looked as alcoholics as winos in the streets, and only viewed addicted people as those with needles in their arms, or the ones you see hanging outside the methadone clinics. Those were the "messed up" ones. Since he didn't have those same circumstances in his life, he was ok.

He's dead now, partly because he didn't want to open up about his alcoholism and other things bothering him.

An intelligent guy, too intelligent for his own good. Anyone ever recall hearing that phrase? :huh:

So I know that no matter what my different experiences are, I am the same as every recovering alcoholic and addict out there. Deep down, we all go through some of these same feelings of isolation, desperation, remorse, self-doubt, and feelings of powerless from time to time.

One of the things that sticks with me is when I first went to meetings they had all these corny phrases. Now they ring true in my head at certain times. The one that comes to mind after today's reading is:
"Together, we can do something I cannot do alone"
Alcoholism is sometimes described as "self-will run riot".

Sometimes it's good to tune in and not only hear, but listen to the experiences of others. It helped me. If you're willing to listen, it can help you too. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

12-01-2008, 01:17 PM

There's a lot to be said for taking what you can and leaving the rest; except that alcoholics and addicts are notoriously willful men and women. It took me awhile to humble myself enough to put myself under the guidance of another person who had been successful in achieving sobriety. Mustering up that level of trust was difficult, just not as difficult as dealing with the wreckage caused by my ongoing drinking.

Mick, your point about alcoholics and addicts being notoriously willful is more accurate than what I said, and right on the money.

Many alcoholics will not humble themselves to the advice of complete strangers. They say the first thing we should do when hitting a meeting is shut up and listen. Alcoholics who want help need to realize that the advice being given to them comes from not from theory, but from the school of hard knocks.

So my advice about taking what you want and leaving the rest came from that other site where G started that thread. Once in a while, someone would come in and slam the thread, or AA, because they felt we were brainwashed, or they didn't agree with the principles and practices of AA., or the mention of God, etc, etc

Some would say those people need to suffer more before they are ready to listen. If they're still arguing with people who have years of sobriety, maybe they arent ready? That's where the shades of grey come in. I believe everyone deserves a second chance to repair their lives. Some don't see it as a chance, they come in kicking and screaming.

Bottom line, I agree they should listen to everything they're told, but how do you deal with people who are still active and negative on 90% of the program, or negative on it because they hear "God" mentioned too much? I feel they should come in anyway and look around, even if they aren't ready. You never know what will rub off, or when someone will come back and say - "Ya know, that thing you were talking about just hit me, now I understand...":D

jonthepain

12-01-2008, 02:31 PM

yeah it's funny how over there one guy would say "too much God stuff" and another would say "you're worshipping the group and not God at all."

maybe cuz there's so many members it's like instant argument no matter what is said.

mick2360

12-01-2008, 03:47 PM

Jon, Great to see you here! Keep coming back! :D

Dark, There is a lot of disagreement over various aspects of a twelve step program. I was lucky; I was sick enough and desperate enough to follow advice. It saved my life. We come from different angles on the God aspect of the program. Acknowledging that and putting it aside, agreeing to disagree if you will, there is still a lot I can learn from you. How can I not respect a man who carries a googan bucket with such confidence and dignity? :HappyWave:

jonthepain

12-01-2008, 04:18 PM

BE the bucket

DarkSkies

12-02-2008, 07:21 AM

A Sixth Sense

A genuine sense of humor touches, tastes, hears, sees,
and even smells the world in a unique way, a kind and colorful way.
This new sixth sense AA meetings have given me is a blend of awe, wonder,
and gratitude -- a magic potion, you could say.
Behind this glow of laughter and acceptance is the light of forgiveness.
A sense of humor transforms restless, irritable, and discontented sobriety
into quality sobriety.
"We aren't a glum lot," the Big Book says. Now I know why.

Thought to Ponder....

Take time to laugh -- it is the music of the soul.

They say laughter is the best medicine. If we can laugh at out troubles and disappointmentments in life, sometimes that is all that is needed to take stock, regroup, and move on.

The life of an alcoholic is marked by resentments and jealousies. I have dealt with many people who held irrational jealousies. There have been times when my resentments prevented relationships from being the best they could be with other people. Learning to let go of these is not easy, but it is a healthy process.

And laughter is like a natural medicine. I love to laugh, make fun of me anytime you want, I ball bust people whenever I can. :laugh:

Life is so short that it's no fun to go throughout it serious all the time. Fun is precious as long as we are not hurting or disrespecting anyone else at the expense of our fun. They say it takes more muscles to frown than smile, so pass along a good joke to a friend today, it may be the one thing that brightens their day. You never know when will be your last day on earth - live it like it is. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

12-02-2008, 08:51 AM

The life of an alcoholic is marked by resentments and...irrational jealousies.

yeah that was me.

still struggle with the irrational part. and resentments. not so much jealousies anymore. but i know as soon as i say that, i'll be given a chance to eat my words.

at least i won't deal with it by going off somewhere with a half case.

thanks for the heads up

DarkSkies

12-03-2008, 09:17 AM

December 3, 2008

Carry The Message!

Carry this message to other alcoholics!
You can help when no one else can.
You can secure their confidence when others fail.
Remember they are very ill.
Life will take on new meaning.
To watch people recover, to see them help others,
to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you,
to have a host of friends -- this is an experience you must not miss.
We know you will not want to miss it.

What this means to me is that I must help others. If they don't ask, there is nothing I can do. If they do ask, I am obligated. There were so many people who helped me in the beginning of my recovery. I was in my darkest hours then. It can't get any darker than that.

Even though life today is no picnic, it's better than where I was. I didn't know how to ask for help, I didn't want help, and I thought I was beyond help. Today, I still have trouble asking for help, sometimes I let my pride get in the way. But that's the foolishness of beeing an alcoholic or in addiction, we deny we need help when we need it most.

As I said, many helped me in the beginning. I could not have done it without them and my willingness to try this concept of "surrender". People continue to help me to this day, sometimes when I least expect it. This blows me away. I am continually amazed by the generosity of people, many whom were once strangers and have become friends.

In this same manner I am obligated to help others. Someone asks, and I must do the best I can to deliver the message. I have to think of the gratitude I have toward those strangers who were williing to help me, and pay it forward. I know there are people reading this who might benefit. Some might read it for entertainment, waiting for me to screw up or whatever. I have already screwed up more than most earth people out there. I take a risk putting all this stuff on the internet, but I don't care. Some have pm'd or emailed me and said this is a good thread. I wish more people might jump in, even if they don't think of themselves as alcoholics, but that's up to them.

Meanwhile, I will try to put the message and these daily thoughts out there. If anyone had any issues they are dealing with, and feels putting it out there is too personal, you can always pm me privately. I will do whatever I can to provide help, advice, or try to give you any resources you need.

DarkSkies

12-03-2008, 09:53 AM

yeah that was me.

still struggle with the irrational part. and resentments. not so much jealousies anymore. but i know as soon as i say that, i'll be given a chance to eat my words.

at least i won't deal with it by going off somewhere with a half case.

thanks for the heads up

You said it, Jon. The life of an alcoholic is like a tribute to Murphy's Law sometimes, whatever can go wrong will go wrong. The last 2 days have been one fiasco ofter another for me, but like you said, at least we won't be drinking over it. :thumbsup:

I have the same struggles with resentments and jealousies, I think we wouldn't be human if life was perfect for us.

DarkSkies

12-04-2008, 12:42 AM

How can I not respect a man who carries a googan bucket with such confidence and dignity? :HappyWave:

Hey man I told ya I was easy to find. Here's the pic, effumall. :2flip: ;)

DarkSkies

12-04-2008, 12:27 PM

December 4, 2008

Powerless

I did not know that it was physically impossible for me to drink moderately.
I did not know that my body's drinking machinery had worn out,
and that the parts could not be replaced.
I did not know that just one drink made it impossible
for me to control my behavior and conduct and my future drinking.
I did not know, in short, that I was powerless over alcohol.
My family and my friends sensed or knew these things about me
long before I did.

This took me a long time to accept. When I came in the rooms, I was so beaten and depressed I was willing to try, so I listened. Truly understanding the concept was difficult for me. For a long time, I had been independent, made my own money, and made my own decisions. Giving this up to a concept of powerlessness felt funny. It felt stupid. But that's the only way to mmove forward in a positive direction - to admit we are powerless over the addictions that grip us, and seek ways of moving forward with this in mind.

mick2360

12-04-2008, 10:30 PM

I thank God for my alcoholism. It caused me to do a lot of harm to others and like dark's post points out, people around me knew the depth of my drinking problem long before I did. After all, I had the anesthesia of alcohol and denial to deaden me to what my behavior was doing to others.

Mostly, I remember the shame. I would black out and say or do things that i didn't recollect. I would have to call a friend and ask what I did or if I owed anyone an apology. I started losing my car and had to get a ride to check my hangouts. I was the life of the party until, more and more, I was the last one standing, watching the sun come up all alone. And there was the sickness, the shakes and the horrible headaches. I started to get up early to hit a bar on the way into work, hanging out with the third shift guys, drinking a beer to kill the shakes and the sickness. It was along way from the good times but I was at it so long it seemed normal. :(

So why would anyone in their right mind thank God for such a thing? Listen; I wake up in the middle of the night, the hours when I used to be awake drinking and I sit in my wife's sun room. My family is sleeping, trusting in me to take care of them and they have never known me to let them down in a major way. My daughter, who is fifteen has never smelled liquor on my breath, seen me wired on cocaine or zoned out from weed. My wife trusts and loves me. These things were once beyond my comprehension, let alone my grasp. I am blessed and honored by the love of my family today.

Recovery, for me, began with a few false starts but each failure was really a lesson and they built to longer periods between drinks. With the help of AA and a network of sober friends, the weeks stretched into months and then years. If you are just starting, it is a program of trust; trusting that others who have been where you stand can show you the path. Give it a try. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

12-05-2008, 07:14 AM

I hear ya, brother. At times my shame was so intense I thought about killiing myself, and figured the easiest ways to do it so there wouldn't be too much of a mess for anyone who came and found me when I was dead. The cycle of addiction and remorse was slowly killing me, and I couldn't stop. Each time I screwed up, crashed a car, or did some other monumentaly stupid thing, I was able to quit for awhile out of fear. Soon after, I was back at it again. The shame worked for awhile, but my addictions always took over again.

Isn't it amazing how some of the simplest things today can cause us to pause, and look at them with gratitude?

Well put, man. :clapping:

DarkSkies

12-05-2008, 07:27 AM

December 5, 2008

Humility

We first reach for a little humility,
knowing that we shall perish of alcoholism if we do not.
After a time, though we may still rebel somewhat,
we commence to practice humility because this is the right thing to do.
Then comes the day when, finally freed in large degree from rebellion,
we practice humility because we deeply want it as a way of life.

This is a great concept to discuss. As alcoholics and addicts, we are powerful. No one can tell us what to do, we know best.:rolleyes: Then we screw up, hit another bottom, and feel remorse. But to give up our "powerful" ways of thought, to grasp the concept of powerlessness, to humble ourselves and practice humility, no effen way! :argue:

It has been said that ego is one of the biggest obstacles to recovery. I know that for a fact, ego stood in my way for many years. I was only able to practice humility when I was beaten down and at the end of my rope. My way was not working, so I reluctantly was willing to try another.

Yet, I did, and have seen some people die because they wouldn't practice humility and humble themselves. I have seen some of them go out after years of sobriety because they became too powerful for humility. Thankfuully some of them made it back into the rooms, but some did not.:(

jonthepain

12-05-2008, 01:55 PM

We are taught from an early age to have pride - pride in ourselves, our school, our communities, what we do; in short, to be exceedingly prideful individuals. Look out for #1.

Pride killed my best friend. The week before Christmas. He had quit for a season but it got him again and killed him. Damn I miss him, but not half as much as his wife and kids.

mick, that was a beautiful, inciteful post. thanks.

DarkSkies

12-06-2008, 11:04 AM

December 6, 2008

Healing Ourselves

We realize now that we were excessively self-centered,
chiefly concerned about our feelings, our problems,
other people's reactions to us, and our own past and future.
Therefore, trying to get into communication with and help other people
is a recovery measure for us, because it helps take us out of ourselves.
Trying to heal ourselves by helping others works,
even when it is an insincere gesture.
Try it some time.

Thought to Ponder....

Trust God. Clean house. Help others.

Some of these thoughts for the day I have been putting up have begun to ring trrue for me. A few days ago I put up a quote about surrender, and last night surrender, character defects and defects of character were talked about. Good stuff, keeps my memory green and reminded me how hard it was for me to surrender. I know I would not have given it a thought if I didn't feel my life was over and I was at the end of my rope.

As for helping others, last night I went to a meeting where I ran into some people I helped. One acknowledged in his story how me and other friends were there for him through thick and thin. The story made me feel good because there were times I almost gave up on helping, it didn't seem like he wanted to help himself.

I also saw some familiar faces of people I used to run with, and now they're sober and working the program. One friend thanked me, said it was due to me he came into the rooms. I feel uncomfortable someone putting that on my head.

God's in charge, I told my friend the reason I tried to help him was selfish - I ddn't want to see another friend die. I've seen too many friends and acquaintances die from this disease and the problems related to it. I know many more will die, but I'm tired of seeing it among those I know. Not when there is hope in the form of meetings, step work, and recovery.

It felt good to hear some of the familiar phrases. Some have viewed them as brainwashing, whatever. They do make sense to me. They're common sense ideas, wrapped in the principles of the program.

One of them is:
If you do what you always did, you'll get what ya always got.:clapping: Simple, but effective.

I will always try to help a suffering alcoholic or addict who asks.
Help someone today if you can, and help make the world a better place. Too much anger and resentment out there.

jimmy z

12-06-2008, 12:26 PM

My name is Jimmy, I have 11 years, 3 months, and 13 days clean and sober.:HappyWave:

mick2360

12-06-2008, 09:16 PM

My name is Jimmy, I have 11 years, 3 months, and 13 days clean and sober.:HappyWave:

Hey Jimmy! Welcome. It is really nice to see you here. :)

DarkSkies

12-06-2008, 11:22 PM

Hey Jimmy Z what's up! Thanks for stopping by. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

12-07-2008, 11:34 AM

AA Thought for the Day

December 7, 2008

Source of Strength

When World War II broke out, this spiritual principle had its first major test.
AA's entered the services and were scattered all over the world.
Would they be able to take discipline, stand up under fire,
and endure the monotony of war?
Would the kind of dependence they had learned in AA carry them through?
Well, it did. They had even fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges
than AA's safe at home did.
Whether in Alaska or on the Salerno beachhead,
their dependence upon a Higher Power worked.
And far from being a weakness,
this dependence was their chief source of strength.

Thought to Ponder....

A Green Beret's Prayer:
LORD let me be . . .
Wise enough to know when I am wrong,
Strong enough to see where I am weak,
and Brave enough to face myself when I am afraid.

I like the above prayer. Kinda like the serenity prayer, but with the added line about fear. For me, fear is a good motivator and thing to have. As a fisherman, you need to have fear of the sea, especially when out by yourself at night. Too many fellow fishermen have been taken by the sea this year and last.

As a recovering alcoholic or addict, I need to have fear of what my life could become if I don't keep my memory green, one day at a time. I tend to stay away from talking about how much recovery time I have, don't want to jinx myself. I have seen friends who have years of recovery go out again, so you never know how this disease will affect you. It really is cunning, baffling, and powerful. The only disease that tells you you don't have a disease. Fear is a good thing to keep in mind. When we are so powerful we are not aware we should have fear, I think that becomes dangerous.

Thanks to all the soldiers who have served our country, and are serving now. Where would we be without them? :clapping:

DarkSkies

12-08-2008, 08:24 AM

December 8, 2008

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

The length of time of our sobriety is not as important as
the quality of it. A person who has been in A.A. for a number
of years may not be in as good mental condition as a person
who has only been in a few months. It is a great
satisfaction to have been an A.A. member for a long time
and we often mention it. It may sometimes help the newer
members, because they may say to themselves, if they can do
it I can do it. And yet the older members must realize
that as long as they live they are only one drink away
from a drunk. What is the quality of my sobriety?

Meditation For The Day

"And greater works than this shall ye do." We can do
greater works when we have more experience of the new way
of life. We can have all the power we need from the Unseen
God. We can have His grace, His spirit, to make us effective
as we go along each day. Opportunities for a better world
are all around us. Greater works can we do. But we do not
work alone. The power of God is behind all good works.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may find my rightful place in the world.
I pray that my works may be made more effective by the
grace of God.

________________________

DarkSkies

12-08-2008, 08:29 AM

The length of time of our sobriety is not as important as the quality of it.

I think the above thoughts make a lotta sense. We can jinx ourselves by focusing too much on how much time we have under our belts. After all, the program is one day at a time.

Some of the quality of recovery is said to come from working the steps. I did mine, but I could always benefit from re-visiting them. Looking at things again, after a few years of sobriety, helps to put things in different perspectibe. It's good to have that perspective today, and be able to accept things that people in the program tell me. It's free advice, and they want to help you through constructive feeddback, if you are willing. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

12-08-2008, 04:46 PM

good to see you jimmy

DarkSkies

12-09-2008, 12:08 AM

A friend sent me this thought today. 2 years ago he was a walking corpse, and now he chairs a meeting, is working the program. He just celebrated 2 years. Good deal, I'm proud of him. :thumbsup:

Make a difference

Your time is never wasted when you're truly making a difference. Every productive effort adds value to your world.

Don't worry about what's in it for you. If you're making a difference, if you're making a positive contribution to life, there's always something in it for you.
Though there may not seem to be any direct or immediate rewards, your efforts will most certainly be rewarded. The longer you're willing to wait for those rewards, the bigger they will be.
Many times your efforts will pay off in ways you could not have foreseen. Keep being creative, keep being productive, keep being effective, and keep being your best.
It may sometimes seem that no one appreciates the work you're doing. When you feel that way, then raise your efforts to an even higher level, for at some point someone will definitely take notice.
Be sincere in your efforts and in your desire to make a valuable, meaningful positive difference. And know that the rewards will always come.

jimmy z

12-09-2008, 05:13 AM

I truly believe, " ya can't keep it, unless ya give it away" . There comes a point and time in recovery, when enough knowledge is acquired by one, to help the newcomers. Work the steps, and as always, meeting makers, make it.:)

DarkSkies

12-09-2008, 07:44 AM

^ Hey Jimmy, it's interesting you would say that, because today's thought for the day is "Pass it on" Ya must be psychic. :HappyWave:

December 9, 2008

Pass It On

I'll never forget the first time I met Bill Wilson.
I was a couple of months sober
and so excited, so thrilled to actually meet the co-founder
that I gushed all over him with what my sobriety meant to me
and my undying gratitude for his starting AA.
When I ran down, he took my hand in his and said simply,
'Pass it on.'

I try to do this whenever I can. There is a fine line beteewn passing and preaching. Some people do not want to hear, or are not ready for, the message and the practices and principles. That's ok. Some people have known me for years, and out of the blue called and said: "Hey, that AA thing you're involved in, does it really work? What's it all about?" That's the time for me to pass it on, and of course, whenever I meet a newcomer at a meeting.

dogfish

12-09-2008, 11:35 AM

I like what you guys are doing here. I don't feel like going into detail right now, but you are helping people. Keep up the good work. :clapping: :HappyWave:

jonthepain

12-09-2008, 02:07 PM

That's what it's all about.

jimmy z

12-09-2008, 04:21 PM

:) Hi Rich, They are some basic fundamental principles that I believe, and use in my daily walk.

DarkSkies

12-10-2008, 09:46 AM

December 10, 2008

Humility

On his desk, Dr. Bob had a plaque defining humility:
"Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble.
It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore;
to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me.
It is to be at rest when nobody praises me, and when I am blamed or despised,
it is to have a blessed home in myself where I can go in and shut the door
and kneel to my Father in secret and be at peace, as in a deep sea of calmness,
when all around and about is seeming trouble."

Thought to Ponder....

The storm has passed. I've learned a little more about peace.
It was inside all the time.

"Perpetual quietness of heart. It is to have no trouble.
It is never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore;
to wonder at nothing that is done to me, to feel nothing done against me...

I would say that the above quote is what I have had the most difficulty with. It's better for me now than it once was, but it's still a struggle sometimes. Never to be fretted or vexed, irritable or sore... wow what a concept! The people I admire the most have a good handle on humility. They lead their lives by example, and I admire that example. As for me, I would say I am able to achieve that maybe 50% of the time. This is one area where I definitely need work.

DarkSkies

12-11-2008, 08:29 AM

A friend sent me this yesterday

DID YOU READ YOUR JUST FOR TODAY ?
are you living in the problem today?
try living in the solution !, if you dont Know how find
a winner and stick to him till the change from being an
alcoholic changes to being a recovering alcoholic ,enjoying life as god intended

Tru Humility-
is there realy GOOD and BAD ?
no
only lessons.

DarkSkies

12-11-2008, 08:38 AM

December 11, 2008

Instincts

Our desires for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power,
for romance, and family satisfactions --
all these have to be tempered and redirected. . .
If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse;
we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment.
But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first --
then and only then do we have a real chance.

Thought to Ponder....

Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional,
growing spiritually is up to you.

I don't know about you others out there, but this is a tough one for me. My whole life, personal and business, has been based on instincts. I meet someone, and have about 5 minutes to size them up. This is important when you are hiring someone for a job or thinking which relationships might develop into friendships. It's a survival tool to help avoid mistakes. So it's tough to read this here, and they talk about putting those instincts aside in favor of spirituality, or at least that's how I read it.

There are some people who have more spirituality than me, who I look up to. These peole seem to be able to weather any storm, and are on a more even keel than I am. I admire that, and try to emulate it as best I can.

But I fail, I can't seem to jump that bridge of faith. The lesssons of me growing up have taught me that instincts is the first thing I reach for, I feel they help keep me centered and prevent disappointment.

I always had a problem with putting blind faith in anything. If anyone out there feels that way or can shed some light on how this works for them, I would appreciate hearing about it. I still have much to learn.

jimmy z

12-11-2008, 05:48 PM

Two words come to mind. I believe.
Now the rest is up to me. Eleven plus years ago, I learned that a baby has to crawl, before it can walk. Today, I believe.:)

DarkSkies

12-12-2008, 08:08 AM

AA Thought for the Day

December 12, 2008

The Merry-Go-Round

I began to feel like a clown juggling too many balls.
Each ball represented a problem I was keeping up in the air.
My arms were weary and I knew I couldn't keep up much longer,
but I was not about to give up. My pride and ego wouldn't let me.
Bosses, judges, co-workers, lawyers, car notes, bar tabs, loan sharks,
utility payments, landlords, my girlfriend, people I had double-crossed --
I looked to all these as the source of my problems,
while overlooking the most basic problem; my drinking and myself.
I'd known for a long time that I desperately wanted off this merry-go-round,
but I had no idea how to do it.

Thought to Ponder....

I can't start doing what's right until I stop doing what's wrong.

I can definitely identify with that. I felt I was on a merry go round that wouldn't stop. The same behavior yeilded the same results. I kept promising myself I would quit, usually after something bad happen. I would crash a car, get into some trouble and wake up with steel bracelets on, fight with my family or girlfriend and have no memory of it when I woke up, only to have the night's events repeated to me, and thinking I was finally fed up with my behavior.

This time I would quit! I would really do it, I was finally motivated! Then 2 weeks later I would be doing the same thing, disappointing family, frieeds, and ruining the relationships that mattered the most to me.

I couldn't get off the merry go round till I was ready to surrender. This was a very difficult concept for me - what the eff was I surrendering to? Only losers surrendered, I was a man, in charge of my life, no way I would surrender to some stupid brainwashing!

As things got worse, and I became more beaten down from all the bad things I was doing, I hit bottom and came to a realization that I couldn't live my life that way anymore. It was too painful, too embarassing, and the pain became too great. Alcohol or drugs couldn't deaden it anymore, I was miserable every day with or without the marsmallow cushion.

So I gave up,, and said, let me at least try this thing "surrender". I was tired, sick, and sick of being sick and tired. It was time to try something else. I'm glad I did, or I wouldn't be here today.

dogfish

12-12-2008, 08:30 AM

I know that merry go round, It's not fun. :embarassed:

DarkSkies

12-13-2008, 09:29 PM

Merry go round - went to a new meeting last night, an old friend runs it. Some newcomers came up to me after, and we talked about them coming in and out, they're having trouble with surrender. I felt bad for them,. but at the same time asked them if they hadn't had enough pain yet. They were talking about the same merry go reound the daily thought referenced above.

If they want help it's there, all you gotta do is ask. Some of us are too proud to ask, because alcohol and drugs are fun. Even when they're not fun anymore, they're comfortable, and some people keep hanging on and beating their heads against the wall.

I can't do anything about that, becasue I did the same thing for years. Everyone gets sober in their own time, keep comin back. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

12-13-2008, 09:41 PM

A little late on the AA daily quote, sorry.

December 13, 2008

A New Dimension

In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled.
Yet when we admit complete defeat
and when we become entirely ready to try AA principles,
our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension --
freedom under God as we understand Him.

I resisted the God thing for so many years, even though I grew up with God and the church in my life, I felt God had abandoned me. Through my dysfunctional eyes I saw the church as money grubbing dogma, and an organization that in some instances couldn't control the pedophelia.

This is God? I kept asking myself, what a frikkin bunch of hyppocrates!

In the beginning of my recovery, I was exposed to some family that are Christians. This allowed my cynical nature further chances to question God. The way I understand Christian beliefs, you will not be saved unlss you follow specific steps. What about the Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and the Indian tribes of the world that worship God according to their different beliefs, none of which is acceptable to Christian beliefs?

I gradually realized that by looking for reasons why religiojn, or some religions, seemed to be hypocritical, I was pushing away the comcept of spirituality. In the last 20 years, I have met some people with deep spiritual convictions. Some of them in the outside world, some of them in the program, some of them on this site, who send me e-mails with religious themes. :HappyWave:

At one time I would have resisited this, and still questioned it. I got a thrill of quizzing family who were Christians about why the other religions were not good enough, as they tried to sit across the table and get me to accept Jesus Christ. I now realize that I don't have to agree with all the religious beliefs of a person to see their things from their eyes, and try harder to do that.

Thanks to all the people who send me religious stuff, even though I might argue with you sometimes. ;) I'm still not as spiritual as I feel I should be, but I'm tryin.

I think the best thing about AA/Na and the concept of God is their principle:

"Freedom under God as we understand him."

That works for me.

DarkSkies

12-14-2008, 08:09 AM

H.O.W.

They said if you want to know how this program works,
take the first word of your question -- the "H" is for honesty,
the "O" is for open-mindedness, and the "W" is for willingness;
these our Big Book calls the essentials of recovery.

Thought to Ponder....

Every recovery from alcoholism began with one sober hour.

I like the above daily thought because it's all part of keeping it simple. I run into trouble when I try to complicate things. Being sober one hour at a time is definitely what it takes sometimes. It's too much of a burden to think of achieving sobriety for the rest of your life, one day at a time is a lot easier.

DarkSkies

12-14-2008, 08:10 AM

3 1/2 years sober today.

It's all grace.

I must have missed this the first time around, jon. Congrats, that's a great achievement, one day at a time. :clapping: :thumbsup:

jimmy z

12-14-2008, 09:13 AM

I think many are confused about who God is. Any faith or religion, regardless of what they believe, all believe in the one true God. And I think that is what folks struggle with. I did too, at one time.
Religion is man made, and the spiritual belief's, are fine tuned, when we believe.
God is God, weather in China, or India, or Africa. There is only one true God.
Once we understand that, the rest is up to us.:)

jimmy z

12-14-2008, 09:14 AM

And congratulations Jon.:clapping:

mick2360

12-14-2008, 10:57 AM

Good to see this thread getting some steam.

So much of sobriety is just admitting that we have a problem and asking for help. This is one more place that people can get it.

And Dog, we have all been there. No shame. You are in the right place. Keep coming back!

DarkSkies

12-15-2008, 09:21 AM

December 15, 2008

Housecleaning

We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.

I don't know about you guys, but I need to do periodic housecleaning on both an implied level and a spiritual level. I tend to accumulate debris in my life, it just "clings on". So every few months I need to re-assess and discard the bad. For me, thats part of doing a searching and fearless moral inventory. Working the steps is good when you do it on a formal level with a sponsor, but it's also soomething you can do every day, a little bit at a time.

jonthepain

12-15-2008, 11:42 AM

thanks guys

DarkSkies

12-16-2008, 08:34 AM

December 16, 2008

Tolerance

Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober,
but it is tolerance that keeps us that way.
Experience shows that few alcoholics will long stay away from a group
just because they don't like the way it is run.
Most return and adjust themselves to whatever conditions they must.
Some go to a different group, or form a new one.
In other words, once an alcoholic fully realizes he cannot get well alone,
he will somehow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others.
It has been that way from the beginning of AA and probably always will be so.

That's one of the biggest complaints I have heard from newcomers at meetings. They don't like this, that, the cliques in that group are stupid, the speaker curses too much, etc, etc. I think we sometimes make excuses when we don't want to participate in something and don't want to tell people the reasl truth why. So we cover with bs, something we alcoholics and addicts are good at.

That's ok, everyone is entitled to their opinion. One of my biggest gripes was at the meetings I used to go to, people smoked like chimneys, and my eyes hurt after sitting in there for up to 1 1/2 hours. Wanting recovery is going after it like your life depends on it, because it does. All you have to do is look at the examples of those who don't make it. I know plenty of people who are now buried in the cemetary.

I had a friend who told me once - "I can't be an alcoholic like you, you grew up in the street culture, I wenty to better schools and surrounded myself with different people than you did. We had entirely different lives, you and me, so what you look at as important doesn't apply to me."

That friend is dead now, he couldn't deal with working out his problems, and kept it all inside.

We can all try to be more tolerant. The differences among us are on the outside. Focusing on them stops us from focusing on our recovery.

jonthepain

12-16-2008, 08:58 AM

One of my biggest gripes was at the meetings I used to go to, people smoked like chimneys, and my eyes hurt after sitting in there for up to 1 1/2 hours.

yup that's what killed it for me. went to a meeting, couldn't take the smoke, ended up getting hammered for another 10 yrs.

DarkSkies

12-17-2008, 08:51 AM

A.A. Thought For The Day

The way of faith is of course not confined to A.A. It is
the way for everybody who wants to really live. But many
people can go through life without much of it. Many are
doing so, to their own sorrow. The world is full of lack
of faith. Many people have lost confidence in any meaning
in the universe. Many are wondering if it has any meaning
at all. Many are at loose ends. Life has no goal for many.
They are strangers in the land. They are not at home. But
for us in A.A. the way of faith is the way of life. We
have proved by our past lives that we could not live
without it. Do I think I could live happily without faith?

"Life will take on a new meaning," as the Big Book says
(p. 89) This promise has helped me to avoid self-seeking
and self-pity. To watch others grow in this wonderful
program, to see them improve the quality of their lives,
is a priceless reward for my effort to help others.
Self-examination is yet another reward for an ongoing
recovery, as are serenity, peace and contentment. The
energy derived from seeing others on a successful path,
of sharing with them the joys of the journey, gives to
my life a new meaning.

Faith, and helping others. I know how to help others, and do it when I canm or if they ask. Faith is the issue I still struggle with. Like many recovering people, I look at the state of the world, and seen the cruelty and meanness from people who aren't happy with their own lives and need to victimize others.

The NJ case of Sara Parks comes to mind. She never harmed anyone, and was killed in an brutal way by someone whe trusted. So you ask yourself, where was God when this was happening? I guess God can't be everywhere, but these are the kinds of things that go through my head when I think of having faith.

I think the best way for me to understand this is that there will always be evil in the world. We just have to do the best we can in our corner if it, and try to make it a better place, leading by example. There are a lot of people who I think have made better examples of how to live their lives than I have, I am still trying. :D

jimmy z

12-17-2008, 09:29 PM

If I dwell on the negative aspects of the world, the positive is not in focus.
I want what I have, today. The world is what it is. I believe I can make a difference, if I am doing good.:)

DarkSkies

12-17-2008, 09:39 PM

Jimmy, when I first met you, in my mind that phrase "it is what it is" became one of your trademarks. Others may use it, but I always think of you when I hear it. I heard that you had many ups and downs in life, yet you always try to maintain an even keel. I kinda admire you for that. My keel is not always so even... "it is what it is" ;) :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

12-18-2008, 08:43 AM

December 18, 2008

Not-worrying

None of us has to understand God or worry about things beyond our control.
We can indulge ourselves in the luxury of not-worrying. . .
We simply stop messing in God's business.
And in my opinion, when we stop messing and stop worrying,
we have turned out will and our lives over to God (or Good)
as we understand (or don't understand) Him.

Thought to Ponder....

Reliance on God enables me to match calamity with serenity.

That's one of the good things I like about the AA/NA readings.

They talk about not worrying. (Yeah that's great, I'm a type A personality, I overanalyze everything, I feel comfortable in a worried atmosphere) :D

They talk about turning our will and our lives over to God.
(well what if I don't want to do that completely? what if Im still struggling with turning it over to God?)

as we understand (or don't understand) Him
This is the saving grace here, the one thing that helped a wretch like me reach for salvation. Even though I was cynical, mistrusting, and generally not believing anything unless I saw it proved to me, here was something I could wrap my head around. It was the reallization the Higher power could be anything I wanted it to be - God, church, or people and healthy relationships that would help keep me sober.

And you can turn your will over to Good, at first, if you're not comfortable with religion. Eventually, God will find a way in there, but only if you want him to.

jimmy z

12-18-2008, 08:00 PM

I struggled with turning my will over to God, in early recovery. When I tried, I didn't know what to do next.
What I realized over time, and learning, was that as I got rid of my stinkin' thinkin', I had to fill in that void with positive thinking.

The Big Book was the first choice, than a daily devotional, and now the Bible.
God's will and intent for me, today. Do what is good and pure and true, is God's will for me, and not my will for myself.:)

mick2360

12-19-2008, 07:56 AM

DarkSkies

12-19-2008, 02:50 PM

December 19, 2008

The Choice is Mine

I once encountered many blind alleys,
but today, as long as I have faith, my path is clear.
This has all been slow progress for me.
Like so many, I do not always surrender completely;
I allow the cares and worries of the day distort my thinking.
But as soon as I get back on the right track, I realize that I have everything I need.
Whatever problems confront me, large or small, they can be solved wisely.
Or they can be solved my way. The choice is mine.

I like the above reading because is shows how AA/NA does not push you into something, it simply presents a better way of thinking. Like they say,
"Or they can be solved my way"

Solving problems with the old alcoholic way of thinking will get you the same results you always got. Don't believe it? Try it! :rolleyes: And keep banging your head against the wall. :banghead2: My way didn't work. To anyone out there who is struggling with an alcohol problem, I would ask them: How many times did you try to quit? Do it your way? did your way work?

The way that they talk abpout involved surrender, which was difficult for some, has been difficult for me, and sometimes continues to be difficult as I accumulate each year of sobriety. I surrendered my ideas about alcohol and drugs, I believe that saved my life. But surrender is greater than that. Surrender is a frame of mind, not a conscious agreement to just remove one or two things from your life.

A friend and I were having a conversation the other day about someone who started snorting coke at an early age, and stopped doing that and just smokes pot. Is that guy an alcoholic or addict? Only he knows the answer, but I think a lot of the thinking and rationalization around those decisions to keep smoking pot revolves around the concept of surrender.

Anyway, I can't make an assessment of that guy because I am still strong willed myself, but that makes me part of who I am.

Understanding and living the idea of surrender, to me, is a balancing act. We must surrender our behavior and old attitudes, but we don't have to surrender our identities. Following the program and the steps allows us to make the choices that are best for us.

DarkSkies

12-19-2008, 03:03 PM

I have always felt that the Big Book was inspired by God's grace. It spoke to me clearly and at a time when the Bible was probably beyond me. I got a hold of Norman Vincent Peales Power of Positive Thinking, a kind of beginners guide to the Bible that worked well for me.:HappyWave: Eventually, I was able to read the Bible and let it guide me.

I believe God gave me a new start. I wake up some mornings and hold my coffee with a firm strong hand, no shakes or tremors. I say to my wife, "Look at that, Baby!" She thinks I am nuts. She didn't know me when I was drinking. But I know. And I thank God and my fellow drunks for where I am today. :thumbsup:

Mick, Power of Positive thinking, great book. I still resist reading the Bible, though. :embarassed:

As far as the highlighted part, many didn't know me when I was drinking, and they say - well how bad could it have been, you're cured now, you can have one beer, it won't kill you.

But I know... one beer won't hurt. I know I can have one. I know I can have 10 or 20, and my head won't explode. I know I can smoke a joint, or 10, and that won't kill me either. But I choose not to.

What happens when I want to check out the latest pot strain that someone grew in their basement, or the latest chemical made in someone's bathtub, when that one beer just isn's enough for me anymore? That's where my problem comes in. If one of anything is something you can stick with, you are probably not an alcoholic or addict.

I'm not a one of anything kind of guy. I went fishing on a moment's notice last night without bringing food for later. So I bought a box of donuts and some bagels at the quik chek. Ate half the box of donuts for breakfast, couldn't have just one. :D

jimmy z

12-19-2008, 05:08 PM

Amen, Rich:)

DarkSkies

12-20-2008, 11:17 AM

December 20, 2008

Believe

I feel that I have been restored to health and sanity these past years
not through my own efforts nor as a result of anything I may have done,
but because I've come to believe -- to really believe -- that alone I can do nothing.
That my own innate selfishness and stubbornness are the evils which,
if left unguarded, can drive me to alcohol.
I have come to believe that my illness is spiritual as well as physical and mental,
and I know that for help in the spiritual sphere I have to turn to a HIgher Power.

It's hard for me to add to this, it says it all. We come to believe, which to me means its a gradual process. When we are feeling empty inside, and there is a hole that alcohol or drugs cannot fill, we will gradually look for something else to believe in. And that will come in its own time..http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

jimmy z

12-20-2008, 01:19 PM

I believe, too Good begets good, and evil begets evil. I've also learned, that I can't do good and evil at the same time. When I think of my Heavenly Father, I can't be doing wrong, and this I believe.:)

DarkSkies

12-21-2008, 09:32 AM

December 21, 2008

Highway to Humility

As I thus get down to my right size and stature,
my self-concern and importance become amusing.
Then faith grows that I do have a place on this Highway;
that I can advance upon it with deepening peace and confidence. . .
This is a great gift, this knowledge that I do have a destiny.
- Bill W., June 1961

Thought to Ponder....

Humility is not a station we arrive at; it's a way of traveling.

This is a great way to look at things because it places it in perspective. Humble, humbleness, humility, surrender, how can I continue to live my life and be a man if I wrap my head around this stuff, seems like a bunch of frikkin brainwashing, what are they trying to turn us into, a bunch of sheep? :huh:

That's one of the problems with us as alcoholics and addicts - our arrogance, self-importance, and unwillingness to take direction and let go of our self-will, which has failed us many times before. If you have experienced some of the above feelings and sense of despair after seeing your way of doing it fail, and failed to quit on your own, even by minimizing the substances you use, and it still is not working, then you might be an alcoholic or addict.

The realization that we are alcoholics or addicts, and the learnign process, requires us to humble our selves to be able to listen to the advice and direction of others who have their chit together.

So for me, humbleness, humility, etc, doesnt make us weak, it makes us willing to grow with the feedback from others, and willing to take steps that we weren't taking before. Willingness to abandon the "stinkin thinkin" and move on to a better place. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

12-22-2008, 07:28 AM

December 22, 2008

Unchangeable Fact

We try never to lose sight of the unchangeable fact of our alcoholism,
but we learn not to brood or feel sorry for ourselves or talk about it all the time.
We accept it as a characteristic of our body
-- like our height or our need for glasses, or like any allergies we may have.
Then we can learn to live comfortably -- not bitterly -- with the knowledge
that as long as we start out by simply avoiding that first drink (remember?)
just for today.

Thought to Ponder....

The first drink has the last say.

That works for me. I'm Rich, a recovering alcoholic and addict. That's an unchangeable fact. Not to be worn as a badge of honor, but an identity that I must remember when I'm with people who might say: Hey man, you must be cured by now, all those years sober, you can have one drink with us, one drink won't hurt?

Sure it won't hurt, no porblem. But I know where I came from, and how hard a struggle it was to get where I am today. It's part of who I am. I ain't giving that up for one drink. I want to remember how it was for me. I see that as I try to give back by helping newcomers as they struggle. I don't want to go through that struggle again. I'm glad to be where I am, one day at a time.

DarkSkies

12-23-2008, 10:53 AM

December 23, 2008

Abundant Hope

Hopelessness has been replaced by abundant hope and sincere faith. . .
I find joy in my daily life, in being of service, in simply being. . .
The things that I have learned from my own experience, from the Big Book,
and from my friends in AA -- patience, acceptance, honesty, humility,
and true faith in a Power greater than myself --
are the tools I use today to live my life, this precious life.

Thought to Ponder....

Faith is hope in things unseen.

This is one of the critical keys to recovery. The program asks you to have faith. Faith in what? Either a higher power, or the practices and principlles of the program. I could see how people would have an issue with that and call it brainwashing. How can they expect you to have faith in something you can't even see? Isn't that crazy? :kooky:

The point is that we couldn't do this stuff on oour own, we tried, and failed. So ya have to start somewhere new, have to trust in something other than your previous stinkin thinkin. That's where the faith comes in.

For a lot of people, that faith involves God, but it doesn't have to. It can be whatever you want it to be. It can be people, your sponsor, etc. For me, even if you have doubts, the willingness to at least try and have an open mind is a plus.

DarkSkies

12-23-2008, 10:54 AM

jimmy z

12-23-2008, 04:14 PM

I believe I had to hit that bottom, the bottom of the bottoms. And once I was there, all I could do was look up. There isn't a more humble feeling, saying, " I'm beat, I can't do this anymore". At that point, I knew i didn't want to live that life anymore. I had faith, that the program worked, and I knew that I needed to change more that just the drinking.
Selflessness, is a key for me today. I need to help others, and to stay connected, to positive people.
One might say, "how do you do this?" My whole family drinks, or, all of my friends drink. It's a tough decision to make at times, especially around the holidays, but we are different. I never put myself in harms way, and I certainly didn't when in early recovery. And why? Because I had faith, and believed what the Big Book said.
:)

Merry Christmas, everyone

DarkSkies

12-24-2008, 08:25 AM

December 24, 2008

Rewards

The rewards of sobriety are bountiful and as progressive
as the disease they counteract.
Certainly among these rewards for me are release from the prison of uniqueness,
and the realization that participation in the AA way of life
is a blessing and a privilege beyond estimate
-- a blessing to live a life free from the pain and degradation of drinking,
and filled with the joy of useful, sober living,
and a privilege to grow in sobriety one day at a time
and bring the message of hope as it was brought to me.

Thought to Ponder....

I had to get sober to be amazed.

Amen, it is a blessing and a privelege to be sober today.

There are thousands out there still suffering. They will struggle in pain and lost opportunities until they make the decision enough is ehough. There are also people who I have seen come through the doors, became friends with, was impressed with their recovery, and they're now dead because they went back out. All you hqve to do to keep your memory green is go to meetings and look around. If someone asks for your help there, reach out and help them. Your help might be the lifeline they need to begin building a solid foundation, one day at a time. :thumbsup:

Holidays are the worst time for us because we take stock of our lives and the visions we see are not pretty. Coupled with dysfunctional family relationships, many think of killing themselves this time of year.

Someone I was close to killed himself 4 years ago around this time, the date of his death just passed about 2 weeks ago. He was depressed and was too "smart" to talk to anyone about it, so now he's dead.

I'm not a guy who can come up with profound prayers, but on this morning of Christmas Eve, I'd like to offer a prayer for all the still suffering alcoholics and addicts out there:

God, I ask that you continue to help these suffering alcoholics and addicts, and all people who are having trouble in their family and primary relationships, whether alcoholics or not, at this time of year. Sometimes people need just a glimmer of hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray that through your inspiration, and the reaching out of others, sometimes strangers, these people can see the light and find their way....Amen.

DarkSkies

12-24-2008, 08:33 AM

I believe I had to hit that bottom, the bottom of the bottoms. And once I was there, all I could do was look up. There isn't a more humble feeling, saying, " I'm beat, I can't do this anymore". At that point, I knew i didn't want to live that life anymore. I had faith, that the program worked, and I knew that I needed to change more that just the drinking.
Selflessness, is a key for me today. I need to help others, and to stay connected, to positive people.

:thumbsup: You always say it so well, Jimmy. Hitting bottom comes differently for each person that experiences it, but we can't truly help them until they do, and decide on their own that enough is enough. It's even sadder to see people who try and don't make it because they are still fighting a disease like they are in a boxing ring.

But we have to be patient, help others, and stay connected to positive people, like you said. Hopefully, with the help of God and others, we will have realize these things before it kills us or destroys all relationships.

DarkSkies

12-25-2008, 11:42 AM

December 25, 2008

Greetings From Bill W.

~ December 1970 ~

Gratitude is just about the finest attribute we can have,
and how deeply we of AA realize this at Christmastime.
Together, we count and ponder our blessings of life, of service, of love.
In these distraught times, we have been enabled to find an always increasing
measure of peace within ourselves.
Together with all here at AA's General Service Office,
Lois joins me in warmest greeting to each and all of you,
and we share our confident faith that the year to come
will be counted among the best that our Fellowship has ever known.
© 1988 The AA Grapevine, Inc., The Language of the Heart, p. 351 Thought to Ponder . . . When brimming with gratitude,
one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love,
the finest emotion that we can ever know.

H O P E = Hang On! Peace Exists.

Hey everyone! I am grateful for what I have today. I know I woujld be dead if I hadn't hit bottom, and was forced to look at my life in a new light. I am grateful I was given my life back, and for all those who I have in my life who have helped me. Even though I may not talk to or see some of these people all the time, when you have good people in your life it doesn't matter. You can start a conversation after not having talked to them for a year, and it's like there was never the lapse of time.

God puts people in your life for a reason, and I am grateful things have happened the way they did for me.

I had a good conversation with someone last night about God and the program They also mentioned that when people don't feel comfortable putting all your faith in God, in the beginning, the program is a good thing, because it allows your higher power to be anything you want it to be, other than yourself.

Merry Christmas to all out there, I hope you can find peace with your families, or the people you choose to have in your life, for this one day. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

12-26-2008, 09:33 AM

December 26, 2008

Belonging

Today, I'm counting my blessings instead of my troubles.
When I walked into the friendly atmosphere of my first AA meeting
I knew I was where I belonged.
Here were people who had thought and felt as I had.
Here was the understanding I'd been searching for all my life.
These people were my friends, and I felt their sincere interest in me.
With these new and enlightening doors opening up to me,
I was able to make the eventual decision to stop drinking, a day at a time --
because I, too, was an alcoholic.

The thing that worked for me is going to meetings and opening my mind to what I might hear there. It helps keep my memory green, and at every meeting I can find someone who is speaking about something I can identify with, IF I am willing to listen.

I sometimes run into other friends there, or newcomers, who say they're not happy with the meeting because too many people smoke, or there are too many different clicks at this meeting, or the other meeting has too much drama, or they don't get enough time to share at that meeting.

There are a whold lot of different meetings out there, and some do have a certain character or flavor. So if you don't like the one you're going to, move on and find one where you're happy.

It's simple, the progream makes things simple. It's we stubborn addicts and alcoholics who make things difficult by complicating them.

And to repeat what I said above, it's good to speak up at a meeting if you have an issue bothering, but there's a lot to be said for just listening, and learning. :D You can always find an understanding between you and most groups of people if you are willing to try.

DarkSkies

12-27-2008, 11:29 AM

December 27, 2008

A Logical Idea

People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about.
Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever.
We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual belief and practices
when we might have observed that many spiritual-minded persons
of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability,
happiness and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves.

Thought to Ponder....

Hold your face up to the Light,
even though for the moment you do not see.

When I read the above, I remember how it was when I first came into the program. I had no faith in anything. I viewed only the bad and evil things I noticed out there, that's what seemed to stand out, so I noticed them. I wondered how there could be a just and benevolent God if all that crap was going on in the world. How could a good God let all that stuff happen? If we were supposed to put our faith in God, that seemed so lame, how was he going to protect us from all the evil out there? Was there gong to be a magic "God shield" for all the people who had faith, so they would have stress-free lives?

I know cynicism because I know many kinds of people. I know people who have stopped believing in God. A few months ago, I met a priest who was probably an alcoholic. He was one of the most angry people I ever met, told me he stopped believing in God. Meeting him was a trip, there was anger and unhappiness in every sentence that came out of his mouth. I was supposed to do some work for him, but bailed when I saw how abusive he was to the other people who tried to help him. I didn't want to be another person who he nlet his anger out on. I don't have to put up with that today, I can make the choice to say no.

Sometimes ya just can't help people, becasue they don't want to be helped. They have to "come to believe" in their own time.

As for belief, anyone who has been reading these daily readings knows I have a belief in God, but I still struggle with it. People I know send me e-mail with religious themes. I am grateful they do, but sometimes I honestly feel guilty because I don't have the blind faith they do. I try, but to completely give it all up to God has always been tough for me, even though I have a bunch of recovery years under my belt (one day at a time) :D

I look at these friends who have this faith in God, and maybe I am a little envious because of the extent they can put their faith in God, and be happy about it. I did put faith in God when I became sober, and realized I could not do it alone, so I started praying. I feel that helped me. I started going to church again, but don't go regularly. I don't want to go regularly, because honestly I get more motivation out of meetings than I get from church.

So maybe I still don't know what I'm looking for in terms of faith? I see the people who have it, or seem to be more centered than I am, and it seems attractive to me, so I try. I still can't wrap my head around the blind faith part. People say "God's in charge". For most of my recovery, I tried to create a sober life (with the help of the program), but also to survive financially. For the fianancial and responsibility part, it's up to me how my life turns out, not God. That's how I feel.

I'll keep trying.

DarkSkies

12-27-2008, 12:00 PM

This sone is dedicated to the people here and in my life who keep sending me the religious stuff. :HappyWave:

This song is literally about him finding out he's going to be a Dad, which changes everything.

However, another way to look at the song is to look at it in terms of the faith people have, whether in God, or something else in their lives. When I heard this song yesterday, it again reminded me of faith.

1HdGUNm6-qI

jimmy z

12-28-2008, 08:38 AM

:) I hear ya Rich.

DarkSkies

12-28-2008, 11:08 AM

Jimmy, your ears musta been ringin. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

12-28-2008, 11:27 AM

December 28, 2008

The "If" Trap

Alcoholism respects no ifs. It does not go away, not for a week, for a day,
or even for an hour, leaving us nonalcoholic and able to drink again
on some special occasion or for some extraordinary reason --
not even if it is a once-in-a-lifetime celebration, or if a big sorrow hits us,
or if it rains in Spain or the stars fall on Alabama.
Alcoholism is for us unconditional, with no dispensations available at any price.

Thought to Ponder....

The first drink has the last say.

This is timely advice, especially with New Years around the corner. Once I came into the program, I made a pact with myself that IF would stay sober for 6 months, I would start smoking pot again. :kooky:

A lot of people I know say, man Rich, you got so many years of sobriety, cmon one driunk won't kill ya! Sure it won't, I can have one drink, one beer, one shot, one joint, and probably one dose of the psychedelics I used to love. Sure I could do that, one of anything won't kill me, and I admit it would be fun...

For a short while. Then I would want more, or combine them for a better high, like I always did. What's so effin fun about just fdrinking one beer - that's for lame losers - real men have a joint in one hand, two beers in the other - anyone else is a lightweight, right? :2flip::D

So if anyone gets into the trap that one won't hurt, remember that being "in recovery" is a lot different from being cured. A very good friend who had a lot of years of sobriety started making homemade wine a few years ago. I asked him to think of the possible consequences and where it could lead. Another mutual friend said - I don't know what you're so worried about, Rich, both you and him are cured, you guys should be able to drink with m anytime you want, ain't no big deal, you shouldn't be afraid to drink, if you get out of hand I'll stop ya!

Well, we're never cured, looking at it that way only puts ego into the picture. In remission sure, but saying you're cured implies you'll never drink again, and none of us can know what the future holds.

Foer my friend who was making the wine, he went on to buying the white rocks, smoking them for a few years, and turning into a walking corpse. It only stopped for him when he got locked up, came to me for help, and I wouldn't help him unless he signed himself into rehab.

Now 2 years later, he's a productive member of society, is responsible, is doing good step-work for his recovery, and is once again in inspiration to me by showing me there are endless possibilities of what we can do in our recovery. :clapping::clapping:

IF anyone out there is putting conditions on thier drinking or saying they can stop THAT, and only do THIS, ask yourself if you are an alcoholic or addict. IF you know the answer to that, you know whether you can quit one and do the other without things creeping up on you.

Self-will gets us in trouble, and self-knowledge is something we sometimes ignore. Looking honestly at yourself will give you the answers or evidence you need.

DarkSkies

12-29-2008, 08:44 AM

December 29, 2008

An Inner Voice

Long before nagging and pressures from others
concerning my excessive use of alcohol made any impression on me,
the nagging voice of conscience -- my own inner voice of truth and right --
apprised me of the irrevocable fact that I had lost control of alcohol,
that I was powerless.
I know now that the inner voice was God, as I understand Him, speaking.
For, as I had been taught from earliest memory and as AA has emphasized,
God -- or good -- emanates from within each of us.

My inner voice at first told me I coule keep everything under control. Gradually, I knew that voice was lying to me. So I knew it was out of control long before I admitted it. Trying to change my behavior, and failing each time, taught me that lesson well.

jonthepain

12-29-2008, 10:22 AM

For the fianancial and responsibility part, it's up to me how my life turns out, not God. That's how I feel.

yeah, it took me years to get over the idea that God only controls some stuff, and that I control my financial stuff. Well maybe I'm not really over it. But I think I'm getting better at giving Him the credit for providing for me and mine.

Sure He wants us to give our best in our job or whatever it takes to provide for our family. So if we are trying that hard, of course we feel like it's all us.

But He's the one that gave us the ability to learn how to do that job or gave us the skill that we need to turn our time into food and shelter for our wife and kids.

Heck, He gave us the time itself. It might run out any day now...seen it happen too many times but still have trouble living like that.

So yes it's up to you how your life turns out. But God wants the best for us, and helps us do our best, if we ask him to, and give him the credit that he deserves.

DarkSkies

12-30-2008, 01:40 PM

December 30, 2008

Rescued

We are like the passengers of a great liner
the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness
and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's Table.
Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however,
our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways.
The feeling of having shared in a common peril
is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.
But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

Thought to Ponder....
When all seems lost, hanging on a little longer
never fails to bring mysterious help.

I thought that was a pretty cool reading. We realize we have common ground when we go to meetings and come together in fellowship. This feeling still exists for me when I'm not at meetings, when I meet someone who is struggling with alcoholism and addiction, and who needs my help.

Even though religion isn't as big a part of my life as it could be, whenever I see someone in trouble, I think that could be me, but for the grace of God. It has been me many times in the past, downtrodden and looking for a helping hand to help me out of my misery.

Something I remember about going to rehab and the early meetings I usedd to go to says: If I see a fellow alcoholic struggling and he/she asks for help, I am obligated to help that person if I want to follow the principles of the program.

DarkSkies

12-30-2008, 01:42 PM

But He's the one that gave us the ability to learn how to do that job or gave us the skill that we need to turn our time into food and shelter for our wife and kids.

Heck, He gave us the time itself. It might run out any day now...seen it happen too many times but still have trouble living like that.

So yes it's up to you how your life turns out. But God wants the best for us, and helps us do our best, if we ask him to, and give him the credit that he deserves.

Good point, Jon.

DarkSkies

12-31-2008, 11:51 AM

December 31, 2008

Rewards

Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed rewards
as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one who is even blinder than he.
This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing.
He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him.
And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving
he has found his own reward,
whether his brother has yet received anything or not.

Thought to Ponder....
Give a lot.
Expect little.
Keep it simple.

Wow, the above is the perfect reading for today. On the eve of a new year, I remember -

I remember Holiday Times are the lonliest and most desperate for us alcoholics and addicts.

I remember the feelings of loneliness and hopeless I had, yet I was too proud to ask for or accept help. Effumall :2flip:, I would do it on my own.

And left to my own devices, I would fall on my face, or worse, time after time.

I remember not wanting to fit into groups or meetings. People didn't know "my" issues, they couldn't feel "my" pain. Who the eff was I kidding? Only myself.:embarassed:

I remember what it's like to be a newcomer, and being too shy to asssk for help, or speak up. Sure, someone else would ask that question I had no answer for, I didn't have to make the effort. Suuure....:rolleyes:

I remember my fellow alcoholics and addicts reaching out to me, and helping them. It felt good to finallly be able to do that once I was on my way to recovery.

I remember some of those I reached out to and knew, dying, some after years of sobriety. They didn't believe the disease was cunning baffling, and powerful, thought they had "kicked it".

I also remember those I helped who are still sober today, through the grace of God.

I know this is a program on anonymity, but everyone knows who I am anyway, friend or foe.
We keep what we have by giving it away. - I think Bill W might have said that, not my quote, but it fits.

I'm not big on prayer, but I would like to put a prayer out there for all the suffering alcoholics and addicts this time of year, and their families who are suffering along with them. There is a better way, if you will give it a shot. God please watch over them and give them the guidance they need, Amen.

Happy and healthy New Year to everyone!

jimmy z

12-31-2008, 07:23 PM

Very well said, my friend. Amen
And Happy New Year to all, a sober one at that!:HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-01-2009, 01:41 PM

January 1, 2009

Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone,
we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves.

Thought to Ponder....

Happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.

To me, the above is meaningful because it shows there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are no guarantees, but serenity is there is we want it, and how sweet it is.

The thing about serenity reminded me of an old Seinfeld episode. I know this thread is a seriopus one, sometimes a little fun is what we need.

happy New Year to everyone out there, serenity now! :D :laugh:

ouqx7YX4tPU

jimmy z

01-01-2009, 03:30 PM

When we admit that we are powerless, we become empowered. Empowered by the promises, the promises of hope, and the promises of faith. The promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.:HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-02-2009, 07:20 AM

January 2, 2009

Happy, Joyous and Free

Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds.
The newcomer feels he has struck something better than gold.
He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode
which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life
and insists on giving away the entire product.

Thought to Ponder....

The joy is in the journey, so enjoy the ride.

There's a lot of focus in life in our destinations, "Yeah, life will get better when I get that house, get that job, win that promotion, catch that 50, hit that home run for the team, get the perfect girl, or achieve the perfect life. It's great to have goals, thats one of the best ways to get ahead by setting them. What happens if that train never comes to the station, whatt will we do today?

This quote by someone else puts it in perspective:

"We are continuously travelling from the moment we take our first breath till we breathe our last. What matters is what we do on the trip, the places we visit, the people we meet, the experiences we have.

The most appropriate analogy for life is a long journey by train. Think about it. We get on and the train leaves the station. We're off. It's exciting. We look forward to arriving, reaching our destination, but then it all starts to get a bit stale, mundane and dreary. I'm not saying life is like that but for long tracts of time, it can be. We chug along, getting bored and restless.

Sometimes, we stop altogether and that's even more tedious; we feel stuck. When we set off again, we can sometimes relax and enjoy the scenery. At other times, we go "off the rails", change tracks or even become completely derailed. Then there are the tunnels when we can see no light, when we have to trust the process and suffer the darkness.

After all these stops and starts on our train journey, we may very well arrive, but it's only a matter of time until we start on another segment of our journey. The only way to stop travelling is to die, so, in a sense, the trip never ends. It stops and starts like all of life. Nothing in life is permanent; it's transitory. Once we embrace that concept, it all becomes smooth sailing."

DarkSkies

01-03-2009, 05:51 AM

January 3, 2009

Problem-solving

A lot of us are convinced that alcohol is not the problem -- we're the problem.
Alcohol can sit in the bottle for a hundred years if you just leave it alone.
It's we alcoholics who have an allergy of the body
and an obsession of the mind that makes us unable to handle it.
In general, a social drinker can say, "Let's go have a drink,"
and that's what they do -- go have a drink.
But, as an alcoholic, we go have a drunk;
we drink beyond our capacity to handle it.

Thought to Ponder....

Alcohol -- cunning, baffling, powerful!

Amen. I know that's me, because I can't have just one of anything. If it's bad or unhealthy, I want at least a few. I was at a meeting last night where people were talking about their impulsiveness. Alcoholism and drug addiction are to me, like a club you didn't want to join, might not be happy about the way they run it, definitely not happy with some of the members and their childish behavior, but at the same time you know you belong there.

We try to prize ourselves on our uniqueness, yet we all know pain, happiness, joy, frustration, disappointment, and satisfaction for a completed job. Deep down, we all feel in similar ways,it we let ourselves feel.

Feelin kinda sad today, a guy I know for a bunch of years droppped dead. 40's, he wasn't sick, overweight, no bad vices like alcohol or drugs, had a great life, loving family, thriving business, yet he's dead anyway. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes, butwe gotta deal with the hand as it's dealt. As JimmyZ says, it is what it is.

No matter how bad your life gets, remember that our alcoholism/addiction lies dormant, telling us that we are not sick, that we don't have a problem with "just one", and that we can someday drink again. That cunning baffling and powerful will always be there. It will get to us if we don't recognize its existence.

DarkSkies

01-04-2009, 09:13 AM

January 4. 2009

Change

Let us never fear needed change. . .
The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better
and then an unremitting willingness
to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.

Thought to Ponder....

Learn to change, change to learn.

This sounds simple, but is so true. I made some negative comments about a meeting I went to the other night. Some people were talking about how they were doing the same thing and getting the same results. Step work was mentioned by some of the others who had some time under their belts. I think people tend to ignore step work at times because it takes too much effort. The ones who do it prosper by embrracing change, the ones who don't are still struggling. That's ok, we all have to change at our own pace.

Over the past few days, I realized why this bothered me. The people who talk a lot about the problems they are having, and revisiting over and over, are sommetimes the ones who are nbot willing to take that extra step and work on them.

We're not perfect, we're all works in progress. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. If you want change, you gotta work for it. Depends on how much you really want it, I guess. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

01-05-2009, 07:30 AM

January 5, 2009

Action

In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting.
By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgement,
and criticism, and instead to listen and hear.
I heard someone say that AA works for those who work for it,
those who put action into the program. . .
I tried it, and it worked.
The first step in the process of "coming to believe" had been taken.

The above is great advice, it's not the way I got sober. I did 90 in 90 days because I had a court case coming up and it looked good on paper. I also was desperate to change my life, but if I want to be honest, I would say it was more about that court case.

The funny thing about going to meetings is they grow on you, if you keep your ears open ane your mouth shut. I fully intended to drink and get high after 6 months of sobriety - of course I knew what was best for me above all else. :kooky: Those meetings eventually get inside your head, and you would feel very guilty if you drank after going to them.

I know some people are still drinking, getting high and coming to meetings. The other night I had to take a leak before the meeting. As I was coming out of the bathroom, there was a "newcomer" compulsively cleaning the sink area after he washed his hands, it was like he didn't want to leave the bathroom to go to the meeting. I don't know if he was high or not, he's been bouncing in and out of the program for years. Meetings are nothing to be scared of, though you do hear some sobering stories when you go.

Another person I know goes to meetings religiously, but talks negatively about all the speakers when they have a speaker meeting. "This one curses too much, this one is BS, this one sounds hypocritical...."

Just like life, you get out of a meeting what you put into it. The more you try to identify with the speaker, and the feelings, not the specifics, the better off you'll be.

The thing that makes them so effective is when you find one where you can identify with the stories, youll feel at home. If you don't feel that way, keep going to different meeetings until you find one you feel comfortable with. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

01-06-2009, 10:54 AM

January 6, 2009

The Gift

AA has filled my days with friends, laughter, growth,
and the feeling of worth that is rooted in constructive activity.
My faith in, and contact with, my Higher Power shines more brightly
than I dreamed it could.
Those promises I thought were impossible are a viable force in my life.
I am free to laugh all my laughter, free to trust and be trusted,
free to both give and receive help.
I am free from shame and regret, free to learn and grow and work.
I have left that lonely, frightening, painful express train through hell.
I have accepted the gift of a safer, happier journey through life.

Thought to Ponder....

Sobriety is a gift.

This is definitely true, we have been given a gift when we get sober. We get a chance to get our lives back. It's tough for some to realize how precious this gift is, and hard to appreciate unless you have hit bottom, and are at your rope's end. That chance is sometimes reinforced when we see people coming in and out of the rooms, they aren't ready for the message. Everyone has their own point when they're ready. I met some people who drank till their 70's, and finally decided to get sober. Better late than never. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

01-07-2009, 08:44 AM

My dad drank till he was 56; died at 67.

I was 48 when I quit.

DarkSkies

01-07-2009, 09:10 AM

January 7, 2009

A Plate of Fudge

I was born under the shadow of a mountain called Mount Aeolus.
An early recollection is one of looking up and seeing
that vast and mysterious mountain and wondering what it was
and whether I would ever climb that high,
But I was presently distracted by my aunt who, as a fourth birthday present,
made me a plate of fudge.
For the next thirty-five years I pursued the fudge of life
and quite forgot about the mountain.
- Bill W.

Thought to Ponder....

If I don't know where I'm going, I'll probably end up somewhere else.

That's a good point. Bill W had a way with words.

I had a bad habit of always ending up somewhere else in my active days, whether figuratively or literaly. My intentions were good, but alcohol or drugs always got in the way, always came first, and caused me to disappoint so many people in my life. Once you get sober and actively work the program, those detours happen less and less.

DarkSkies

01-07-2009, 09:26 AM

My dad drank till he was 56; died at 67.

I was 48 when I quit.

Better late than never. :thumbsup:

Jon, I'm sorry to hear that your Dad didn't get more years of sobriety, but 11 years is still a great achievement. Your story shows me that it's better late than never. I think when we get sober, that's a gift we're given that some people don't get.

Through the principles of the program and the steps, we'e forced to examine our behavior, attitudes, and values. Going to meetings, if you participate, is kinda like free psychological counselling, from the best people in the world - a bunch of drunks who have heard every bs story out there, and know when someone isn't being honest or sincere.

What better group to evaluate our behavior than the people who have been through the same struggles as us? The feedback we get is helpful, sometimes, harsh, but sincere. I would rather hear the truth about one of my character defects than have someone gloss over it because they're afraid I might be offended hearing it.

My Dad didn't drink, but was in denial his whole life. To him, drinking wasn't an addiction, it was something you just gave up, and could dring again whenever you wanted to. But the compulsive behavior exists in my family. He gambled for years, it caused many problems in our family, yet only once or twice did he admit it had been a problem for him.

The worst thing it did was drive a wedge among people in our family. It's a lot better to talk about the things bothering you, and get it out. So many years were wasted by being angry and not talking to people as a result of that anger. Ego and foolish pride have caused problems in many a family, it's a shame those years have to be wasted for some people to learn from it. :(

jonthepain

01-07-2009, 11:03 AM

Dad was a great guy. Been gone 23 years and I still miss him.

DarkSkies

01-08-2009, 09:39 AM

January 8, 2009

Footprints of Hope

Going the whole route looked too hard -- until someone said to me,
"One step at a time."
So I looked ahead, along the path marked by the footprints of hope,
commitment, and action.
All around me were many happy, sober people who had walked that path.
Listening intently to their stories, I heard some more horrifying than mine . . .
It was plain that all these alcoholics had once felt the same hopelessness,
fear, pain, and anger I had experienced.
It was also obvious that people with drinking troubles like mine
could come out of them and -- unbelievable as it seemed at first -- laugh at them!

Thought to Ponder....

Take the first step in faith.
You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

That's the only thing that worked for me. I couldn't see myself staying sober for any lenght of time. I could do it for a month or so, just to "prove" it was possible. But the lure of drinking and getting high was too much, and I always fell back. The concept of a sober life seemed impossible to me.

Then I went to rehab, and meetings. It was explained to me all I had to focus on was 24 hours at a time, made it much easier. Take that 24, repeat every day, and you have a record of sobriety. It helps with your humbleness not to lay it out there too much when the years of sobriety start to accumulate. Yeah, I do have a bunch of years, but I firmly believe all that coule turn around tomorrow with the wrong attitude and behavior.

Going to meetings helps me keep that memory green.It proves to me that there are people who don't believe that, and have to go back out in the streets, hit bottom again, and prove it to themselves that its a simple comcept that we alcoholics and addicts sometimes complicate.

We could achieve any reasonable goal we want to do - get sober, lose weight, have better relationships with our significant others and families, further our careers, set a goal to get our personal best striped bass, if we just break it down to one day at a time.

DarkSkies

01-09-2009, 08:17 AM

January 9, 2009

Gratitude

I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart
cannot entertain great conceits.
When brimming with gratitude,
one's heartbeat must surely result in ongoing love,
the finest emotion that we can ever know.

Thought to Ponder....

I am grateful for this minute. My eternity may be in it.

Gratitude is a great thing to talk about. When I first came into the rooms, it was the last thing on my mind. I couldn't drink or get high anymore, how the eff was I supposed to be grateful! :burn: I wanted sobriety, but as anyone who has been in the grips knows, the first few weeks ain't too pleasant. We miss drinking, the bahaviors associated with it, our old drinking buddies, people, places and things.

Until we start realizing that people places and things almost got us killed, and taking a sober look at the effect our behavior had on us and those around us. Gratitude for me started when I realized that the "one day at a time" junk was actually working. Hey, what the hell, give it shot for a few more days, whattya got to lose, right? :D

And then I began to feel the effects of being sober, the positive effects. No longer worried that I might crash a car, miss another family outing because I didn't feel like being around people, or get in another stupid argument with the dysfunctional people who pushed your buttons.

A lot of people talk about the beauty and comfort of the program, and it does exist. But at first it's terrifying, you're asked to do things that you never did before, and gradually to look at yourself and do some serious self analysis. It really sucks, and is more difficult than we could imagine, especially in the beginning. But that's because we are usually holding onto old ideas, and not focusing on the gratitude.

I am very grateful for the fellowship and the friends I have made through the program today. they have helped me without even knowing me sometimes. They have listened when I thought no one cared. This help and gratitudes have helped me to repair the torn relationships with some of my family members, at least the ones that were able to be repaired.

I am grateful that I no longer waste my time on things that go nowhere, and can channel my energy toward positive things. And very grateful that I was able to repair and prosper in some of the relationships I have. People sometimes die without you getting a chance to do that.

I am grateful for my health as I wake up every morning.

These things can all be taken away from you in an instant, you never know. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, even in sobriety. That's why it's good to be grateful, one day at a time.

DarkSkies

01-10-2009, 07:19 AM

January 10, 2009

Happiness

The simplicity of the AA program teaches me
that happiness isn't something I can "demand."
It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others.
In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed,
I find that my own sobriety has been recharged
with indescribable gratitude and happiness.

Thought to Ponder....

Happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination.

Words of wisdom in that thought. So many uf us have beern focused on a time in the future when we will be happy, let's not forget about today. I have been busy doing some stuff, and feel like it's dragging me down, not enough hours in a day. I wish I had 48 hours. Then, if I had 48, the alcoholic in me would convince me I need 72 hours. ;)

Just for today, I am trying to be happy, and grateful. Even when I'm not happy, it's my obligation to try to be. We can be happy for small things also. I'm happy this thread has reached 100 posts, and is past 10 pages. It's helping me, and I hope it's helping others.

I missed a meeting last night because I had to work late, such is life. We keep what we have by giving it away. Helping others in a jam teaches us to be selfless, and that it could always be worse.

DarkSkies

01-11-2009, 12:32 PM

January 11, 2009

Tradition One

"Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on AA unity."
We stay whole, or AA dies. Without unity, the heart of AA would cease to beat . . .
Back again in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say,
"What a great thing AA might have been!"

This definitely rings true for me. The meeting process seems organized, but go to any large meeting, and you will see a dozen cliques. People who only come to get laid, people who are there because probation or the court says they have to be, people who are there, but distracted because they can't be without a cigarette for an hour. You can always find negative examples wherever you look. Some newcomers have complained to me about the cliques, and that some people seem more serious than others.

If you want recoverty, you have to reach for it, it won't come to you. So find the people who are interested in the same things as you, and stick with them. Offer to get involved, make a coffee committment, or stick around for the business meeting once a month afterwards. The AA and NA organizations have been around for years now, but any organization needs support of the members. Contribute either with your labor, feedback, or by helping a newcomer, and you'll reap good positive rewards.

katiefishes

01-11-2009, 02:47 PM

Words of wisdom in that thought. So many uf us have beern focused on a time in the future when we will be happy, let's not forget about today. I have been busy doing some stuff, and feel like it's dragging me down, not enough hours in a day. I wish I had 48 hours. Then, if I had 48, the alcoholic in me would convince me I need 72 hours. ;)

Just for today, I am trying to be happy, and grateful. Even when I'm not happy, it's my obligation to try to be. We can be happy for small things also. I'm happy this thread has reached 100 posts, and is past 10 pages. It's helping me, and I hope it's helping others.

I missed a meeting last night because I had to work late, such is life. We keep what we have by giving it away. Helping others in a jam teaches us to be selfless, and that it could always be worse.

I have been reading this thread for a while know. I am a pretty private person. I think it is fair to say that I only talk about my family history or the private moments of my life with only a few people. I have known them for years trust them completely.

What touched me here today was the thread by darkskies about Happiness.

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

The part I am having trouble with in my life is over coming the powerful thoughts of sadness. Darkskies summed it up with one sentence, "Be happy with the small things". This somehow opened up a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe he's right. In time the complete picture will close with total happiness . . . One day at a time.

To Mick2360:

I had an alcoholic father. He died about 3 years ago. The last 12 years of his life he was sober and attended regular AA meetings. I made peace with him at the end of his life.

However, I never truly understood the power or feelings associated with alcohol. You gave me insight into what he was dealing with all those years.

"Mick 2360 - Mostly, I remember the shame. I would black out and say or do things that i didn't recollect. I would have to call a friend and ask what I did or if I owed anyone an apology. I started losing my car and had to get a ride to check my hangouts. I was the life of the party until, more and more, I was the last one standing, watching the sun come up all alone. And there was the sickness, the shakes and the horrible headaches. I started to get up early to hit a bar on the way into work, hanging out with the third shift guys, drinking a beer to kill the shakes and the sickness. It was along way from the good times but I was at it so long it seemed normal."

Thank you it helped me realize that the alcohol controlled him. His wonderful character was just buried inside.

mick2360

01-11-2009, 09:01 PM

Rich, Happy 2009, my friend. This thread is taking root and it will provide comfort and inspiration to those of us who have to deal, in one way or another, with alcoholism. Keep up the good work. I'll try to support this thread more regularly. Looking forward to seeing you in the spring. :HappyWave:

Katie, Thanks for the kind words. I'm honored that any of my thoughts gave you an understanding of your Dad's affliction. So much of recovering from alcohol is learning to slow down and begin to allow others into our lives without the need to control. As an Adult Child of Alcoholics (ACOA), you would have a lot to offer. I'm glad that you posted and made yourself known.

We are developing a small but steady sober community here and all who have been afflicted by alcohol, either directly or through relationships, are welcome.:)

DarkSkies

01-12-2009, 08:01 AM

January 12, 2009

Reprieve

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels.
We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon our spiritual condition.
Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will
into all of our activities.
"How can I best serve Thee -- Thy will (not mine) be done."

Thought to Ponder....

The will of God will never take me where the grace of God will not protect me.

This is good stuff, it shows our disease is cunning baffling and powerful. It's not a good idea to get complacent, because the disease and more pain are waiting just around the corner. It's easy to rest on the cloud 9 of a good sober day, week, or month, and not feel we need to work on ourselves.

That's why the steps are important. The program gives you a foundation, and the steps and spirituallity are the framework for building a new life. The step work is hard, sometimes it's even harder believing in a higher power when there is so much evil and disregard for others in this world. Butr you must press on, and try to get some kind of spirituality in your life, if you really want to grow as a person.

One of the people who inspires me is JimmyZ, I hope I don't embarass him by saying that. This guy rolls with the punches, he''s has a lot of setbacls in life, and seems to get through them. His faith in God seems solid, while mine wavers from time to time. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon11.gif

If anyone out there is struggling with faith, remember that it's not a required part of the program, agnostics are welcome too. Your higher power can be a coffee cup, or people you trust in ans confide in.

I think the important part is you need to believe in something, what that thing is, is your choice. I believe in God because soometimes I was so messed up, I shouldn't have woken uup in the morning. I'm lucky I didn't die from all the different substances I put in my body. I didn't, while others weren't so lucky, and they're dead now.

So I believe I am still here, by the grace of God. I have ot have some gratitude for that, and others who thought I was worth saving, and helped when I reached out asking for help.

jonthepain

01-12-2009, 09:46 AM

I have been reading this thread for a while know. I am a pretty private person. I think it is fair to say that I only talk about my family history or the private moments of my life with only a few people. I have known them for years trust them completely.

What touched me here today was the thread by darkskies about Happiness.

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

dogfish

01-12-2009, 01:57 PM

jimmy z

01-12-2009, 03:59 PM

mick2360

01-12-2009, 10:28 PM

I learned years ago, not to hold any reservations, or "yets". I did at one time, and set myself up for failure. Today I believe there isn't an option called drinking.
I never forget where I came from, that last day out there. That is my reality, if I choose to drink again.
I know today, there is another way to live. That I was put on this Earth for a purpose, an Divine purpose. And one thing is for sure, if I did not hit that bottom, I would not be where I am today. And that is a miracle.:)

I wouldn't give up my time drinking for anything. As strange as that sounds and for all of the suffering I caused, to others and myself, I appreciate so much more what I have today by remembering the drinking time. When I was drinking I was a wretch. I looked good and always had a nice home but my life was chaos and I was not a decent man. I believe my recovery was a gift from God and my obligation is to be present for others in need, however they may present themselves to me.

It may sound trite but I believe that at the end of my days, I will be called on to give an accounting of my life. My alcoholism is my greatest burden and my greatest gift; it defined my shame and provided my Everest. Every day away from drink gets better. And I want to be ready when my path crosses that of anyone who is put there to receive my help. :)

jonthepain

01-13-2009, 08:13 AM

Well said.

DarkSkies

01-13-2009, 09:20 AM

January 13, 2009

Isolation

Isolation is bad for new people, old people, and in-between people
if they are alcoholic people. Isolation sneaks up on us.
We can mask it with familiar props that are not in themselves bad.
We can isolate ourselves in an attempt to clean up our apartments
(and then not do the cleaning);
we can isolate ourselves in churches or in sleep; we can use family,
sweethearts, compulsive working, television. The list is long.
The nicest way to end it is the way you and I do: together.
Reach out -- people can't read your mind.
Say ouch! Someone hears. Always.

Thought to Ponder....

Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives.

This hits home. I'm guilty of this. It describes me, and the relationships I have had with my family, and at times other people I'm close to. :embarassed: There are some people out there who always need to surround themselves with others. A good friend I went to high school with had parties all the time, any excuse, and always seemed to be buying a new toy that involved 4 or 5 of us coming over to the garage to check out.

I'm the opposite end of the spectrum, pretty independent, do what I want, go where I want to go. I fish alone a lot because I like the solitude, I get a chance to do some good thinking and self-analysis. In the past I realized that people don't always have the same likes you do, so I learned to go places by myself. Went to hardcore shows with friends sometimes, other times I went by myself if I wantefd to see the band and no one else wanted to go. I made friends along the way, but it was always easier to roll by mysself.

A good friend fishes like that too, says he doesn't want the responsibility or committment oof fishin and having to stay at one place for any amount of time. I think that's one of the key things about it, when you're by yourself you only have responsibility for yourself.

Sometimes it's easier to handle things that way, much simpler. The danger is the other side ofn it, which I know all too well. It's easy to take that sense of independence, and convince yourself you don't need anybody in life, or if you try to reach out to people and it doesn't work out for some reason, effumall! :2flip: ;)

There should be a realization there that relationships with people take work.

Sometimes seem like they're not worth it, so we as alcoholics and addicts stagnate in our own world. There have been times, especially in the winter, with the added affect of SAD and days with low light, where I have fallen into deep depression. There were times I would come home from work on a Friday, and go to bed until monday morning. I would get up to hit the bathroom, or eat, otherwise the TV and bed was my world.

I'm past that now, but its all too easy for me to fall back. I stopped watching TV, sometimes sleep on the floor instead of the bed because I don't want to get too comfortable. I know that I have to keep busy on the weekends, or it's easy to isolate again, especially in the winter.

"Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives. "

This is definitely true, at least in my case. I guess the main point here is there is a difference between being independent, and isolation.

If you recognize any of the above signs in yourself, you may be experriencing clinical depression. If you know anyone who is doing that, try to reach out to them and ask them to go outdoors, go someplace with you. Being outdoors and in the sun is just the ticket sometimes.

You probably won't be able to get them to talk about it unless they want to. Statistically, winter and the holiday season is the time when most suicides happen. The best you can do is reach a hand out. They might not take it, but then again they may say yes.

DarkSkies

01-13-2009, 10:50 AM

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

The part I am having trouble with in my life is over coming the powerful thoughts of sadness. Darkskies summed it up with one sentence, "Be happy with the small things". This somehow opened up a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe he's right. In time the complete picture will close with total happiness . . . One day at a time.

....Thank you it helped me realize that the alcohol controlled him. His wonderful character was just buried inside.

Katie, some very good stuff you wrote there. I identify with it because I have been there, and still feel that way at times, even as the years in recovery accumulate.

I don't like to quote the Bible because other people know a lot more about it than I do. I do remember some kind of passage in there about struggles, and turmoil - ..."this too shall pass".

When things are bad, for us, or we feel overwhelmed by sadness, it's good to get it out there and share it with people. I knew a few people who wouldn't be in the cemetary now if they could have opened up a little more about what was going in in their lives.

It was nice of you to share it with us. :thumbsup:

I believe my recovery was a gift from God and my obligation is to be present for others in need, however they may present themselves to me.

It may sound trite but I believe that at the end of my days, I will be called on to give an accounting of my life. My alcoholism is my greatest burden and my greatest gift; it defined my shame and provided my Everest. Every day away from drink gets better. And I want to be ready when my path crosses that of anyone who is put there to receive my help. :)

You have a way with words, Mick, short and to the point, but they ring true. :thumbsup: The thing about being an alcoholic or addict is we effed up a lot, amd made some big mistakes. That also allows us to repair our lives and some of the damage we caused through the practices and principles of AA/NA.

And the free counselling! Some people don't get that free, hard hitting feedback from others without paying $150/hr. We get it for free, as long as we remain willing to listen to feedback from other recovering drunks and addicts. :wheeeee:

DarkSkies

01-13-2009, 10:59 AM

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

Jon, great clip! I didn't know he did that song either. I met him at the 2nd Woodstock, I went up to him, said "Hey, aren't you Joe W?"
He said "Shhhhhh!" Like a guy who looks like him could go around undercover. :laugh: But he was cool, and he's a survivor. Hats off to Joe, and all of us keepin it real, one day at a time. :clapping:

I found this clip with Joe and Sam Kinison on the Stern show, about 20 years back. Sam was great in his own way, and so was Joe, but Sam's dead, and Joe is keepin on, ODAT.

7jfPCUGVjp8

mick2360

01-13-2009, 11:30 PM

Tonight in I was talking to a guy told a story of his wife having an affair while they were still married. Seems like booze was a constant in his life yet he could not understand his wife's disloyalty. We talked about it for a long time. My heart went out to him.

Once, long ago, I lost a woman that I loved. She told me, "You can have booze or you can have me. There isn't room for the three of us." And she was right.

I miss the feeling of sitting at the edge of the bar with my hand on the wood of the bar and my feet on the rungs of the stool. I felt such balance there. I used to love the third drink. The first was to kill the want, the second to settle me and the third....well, the third was where the numb started. I used to like numb. A lot.

Today, that is far behind me and yet it influences every day of my life. I still have a hard time with feelings and I have to remind myself that I am capable and can meet the needs of those i choose to be close with. In a minute, I'm going to click the send button and fall off to sleep with my lovely bride right next to me. I have found a woman to love. She is patient when I am clumsy or shallow. And it is just like my friend said when she said goodbye so long ago. There isn't room for three of us. Words to live by. :heart:

DarkSkies

01-14-2009, 08:12 AM

January 14, 2009

Tradition Three

"The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."

Tradition Three defines the personal liberty of the AA member.
It says, in effect, that any alcoholic can be an AA member the moment he says so.
Neither can any of us deprive him of that membership,
no matter what his behavior. . .
Every AA newcomer feels at once that he is wanted and trusted and loved.

Thought to Ponder....

AA is like an adjustable wrench; it fits almost any nut.

"fits almost any nut" That works for me. :laugh: :clapping: This shows me and others that no matter how effed up we are, or were, there is a place where we can get better. Free therapy with other nuts, in a nut house, or room of assorted nuts. What could be better? :D

"Chief's got his hand up!"
syPZZxxFCe0

mick2360

01-14-2009, 10:32 PM

DarkSkies

01-14-2009, 11:19 PM

A great movie. Maybe a better book. The Chief has a line that reflects my drinking career perfectly, although I may not remember it as well as it was written: "When I started drinking I was taking a drink out of the bottle. At the end of my drinking the bottle was taking a drink out of me."

Great point, Mick, at the time I hit bottom I convinced myself my problem was pot and other drugs, if I could only get a handle on them, I would be able to get a handle on my drinking. How f'ed up was that? The drinking was central to my addiction all along, but I was lookking for an excuse to keep at least one of my vices.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful, yes it is.

Someone said something at a meeting the other night - "Pain is inevitable, suffering is not." Eventually we learn not to bang our heads against the wall anymore.

The cukkoo's nest is a great movie to pull clips from. Here''s another one where Jack is made a laughingstock by all the other nutcases.

Classic Jack - at the end he says - "at least I tried" :thumbsup:
YKQcx1jzn4k

The nuts go fishin :clapping:
T9KKh4scSnA

jimmy z

01-15-2009, 06:00 AM

DarkSkies

01-15-2009, 08:31 AM

January 15, 2009

Survey

We should make an accurate and really exhaustive survey of our past life
as it has affected other people.
In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others
has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has.
Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts
persist below the level of consciousness.

This rings true, at least for me. In our addiction to alcohol, we made tons of mistakes, we disappointed people all the time, broken promises, disresprect, and failed attempts at sobriety. This not only affected us, but friends and family around us. Entering into and achieving sobriety does not make all this go away, we have to make amands to those we stepped on and hurt. It doesn't get all better with a magic process the moment we get sober, that's just the beginning of puttiiiing our lives back together.

Amends, or trying to make amends, is importsnt. It's one of the beginning steps on a healing process. I was at a reunion a while ago, a guy I hadn't seen in many years said something negative about when we used to work together. He was kind of a trouble maker, and I chased him out of the store one day. I could see he was still mad about it, even though so many years had passed. I could have justified that he desreved it, but at seeing it still bothered him, just told him I was sorry, that it was in the past, but I was still apologizing for it, and taking responsibility.

That made a difference to him, and I was glad I did it. Only takes a few seconds to say "I'm sorry" but what a difference it makes. Too many people have forgotten those 2 words in this busy world we live in today, yet they are timeless. We spent the rest of the night having some good conversations, and some laughs about the past. Being stubborn abd refusing to apologize would not have allowed us to have that conversation.

I also made amends to family members, in some cases going way beyond the original ddamage in terms of how I tried to repair the hurt feelings. In some cases I was overcompensating for the hurt I caused. Some of my family, in their sickness, felt it was time to collect on the lottery and became greedy. They didn't see my efforts for what they were because they were still sick, so they justified taking advantage of me. I saw it coming and learned from it.
That's why working the steps is a good part ofr any program. someone said something at a meeting the other night - "Buy into the program or you won't get anything out of it"

You can stay sober by going to meetings and not picking up, one day a t a time. But growth comes from self-analysis, introspection, and the willingness to work on character defects.

Amends are not always possible, but in the words of Jack Nicholson, "..at least I tried". :thumbsup:

bunkerjoe4

01-15-2009, 11:18 AM

One of our members suggested that this thread be moved to the Main Forum. Suggestions are always welcome. It seems like folks are being helped, so I will move it. Keep up the good work, guys. :clapping:

mick2360

01-15-2009, 10:08 PM

Isolation was always a big problem for me. Always feeling that I didn't fit in. But that was how I felt, at that time in my life. It was difficult for me to have any type of positive relationship, because of all the negative feeling inside of me.
Well, today I know I can't do this alone, and instead of pushing people away from me, I need them in my life today. :)

I'd guess most of us here know how you feel. My first drunk was at eleven, with some wine cooler type of drink I'd stolen from local teenagers stashing for the party later that night. I felt light and happy and felt comfortable. I chased that feeling for thirty years. The other first I'd like to talk about was walking into an AA meeting and hearing thirty or so people say "Hi Mick!" when I finally worked up the courage to introduce myself. It was awkward learning to socialize without the planned payoff of a drink somewhere along the line. Now it second nature but, being a big guy, I do try to scope out if dessert of some kind is a possibility! :HappyWave:

jimmy z

01-16-2009, 05:47 AM

Amen brother.:)

DarkSkies

01-16-2009, 06:29 AM

January 16, 2009

Simplicity

Repeated experiences have forced us to this logically inescapable conclusion:
If we do not take the first drink, we never get drunk.
Therefore, instead of planning never to get drunk,
or trying to limit the number of drinks or the amount of alcohol,
we have learned to concentrate on avoiding only one drink: the first one.
In effect, instead of worrying about limiting the number of drinks at the end
of a drinking episode, we avoid the one drink that starts it.
Sounds almost foolishly simplistic, doesn't it?

Thought to Ponder....

Nothing is so bad, that a drink won't make worse.

While many of us complicate the things and situations in life by over analysis, the program goes by the motto of keep it simple, and it works. The little lessons of the practices and principles are simple and easy to follow. No matter what things life throws your way, following your old path will lead to the same result, so keep it simple, it works if you work it. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

01-16-2009, 06:31 AM

...but, being a big guy, I do try to scope out if dessert of some kind is a possibility! :HappyWave:

Hey, Mick - what would life be without dessert? :drool: ;) :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-17-2009, 12:37 PM

January 17, 2009

Powerless

I did not know that it is physically impossible for me to drink moderately.
I did not know that my body's drinking machinery had worn out,
and that the parts could not be replaced.
I did not know that just one drink made it impossible
to control my behavior and conduct and my future drinking.
I did not know, in short, that I was powerless over alcohol.
My family and friends sensed or knew these things about me long before I did.

Thought to Ponder....

When we try to control our drinking, we have already lost control.

Powerless is s tough concept, especially when you are used to doing things for yourself. I kinda knew in my heart I was powerless, but I was in denial and kept trying to prove to myself that I wasn't. I held a job, went to school, all the while living s secret life where the goal of that life was to get as wasted as possible. I could go periods of time without drinking or drugs. There would be times when I crashed a car, or lost my license, where I went cold turkey for awhile, convinced that I had to make some changes.

So I wasn't like those alcoholics on skid row, then I wasn't an alcoholic, right? Nope - thats just the cunning baffling and powerful part of the disease talking to you when you think you're not as bad as someone else, therefore you don't have a problem.

And to admit that your powerless is overwhelming sometimes, more so to a type A personality. That's why we sometimes need to hit bottom to come to that reality. It sucks to have it happen, and it's worse watching your family or friends go through it, there is nothing you can do but let them fall and feel the hurt from that fall. After that, the foundations of a recovering life can be built.

jonthepain

01-17-2009, 02:05 PM

all the while living a secret life

yup

mick2360

01-17-2009, 10:48 PM

Funny thing is, I was never much interested in one drink. I still don't understand it, maybe having had so few of them. I do know that any alcohol swiftly overcomes my intentions to 'take it easy'. I had to take a look at what alcohol was doing to my life and not compare myself to someone who was REALLY badly off. I could always find a way to rationalize the next drink. I nearly rationalized myself to death. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-18-2009, 10:23 AM

January 18, 2009

No Barriers

Many of my AA friends now are a generation or two older,
but there is no barrier. AA is big enough for all.
Each generation contributes its own gifts, talents, and thinking to AA.
Each brings its own ideas and beliefs.
We each bring our common disease of alcoholism, our free will,
and the right to work the AA principles as we understand them,
through a Power greater than ourselves.

Thought to Ponder....

Happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.

^^ That's definitely true, this thread is open to anyone who wants to chime in, it doesn't mean you're an alcoholic if you stop by here. No judgements here.

Speaking of stopping by, someone said my bro George, the one who started the thread "Who here doesn't drink anymore?", has been stopping by the site lately. I hope you and your family are well, George, and life has been ok. I won't see you March this year when you come down, but you're welcome to stop by any time and bs, or contact me if you come to Jersey to fish. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-18-2009, 11:09 AM

. I could always find a way to rationalize the next drink. I nearly rationalized myself to death. :HappyWave:

:thumbsup: Right on Mick, we drunks are the best rationalizers. I used to hang out with a goood buddy, he's sober now, but when I hung out with him he was on the edge. He would come up with these crazy schemes, and we always rationalized them. Looking back, we're lucky we're not dead or didn't get shot. It all seemed perfectly ok then. :kooky: Sobriety, and a few years of maturity, and you look back at those times and say "What the hell was I thinking?"

We weren't thinking. And we are all very lucky to be here, maybe we were saved for a better purpose?

Better purpose, anyone check out sober house lately? I was half asleep the other night and saw it for 5 minutes. Got Dr Drew as the moderator, should be interesting to see what's up.

Also anyone check out Artie lately? I don't get the Stern show, didn't know he put on so much weight . He's such a great talent, I hope he makes it.

hMqCZNxIFvo

DarkSkies

01-19-2009, 09:18 AM

January 19, 2009

Adventure

Following this spiritual path made a major difference in my life.
It seemed to fill that lonely hole that I used to fill with alcohol.
My self-esteem improved dramatically,
and I knew happiness and serenity as I had never known before.
I started to see the beauty and usefulness in my own existence,
and tried to express my gratitude through helping others
in whatever ways I could.
A confidence and faith entered my life and unraveled a plan for me
that was bigger and better than I could ever imagined. . .
I have hope to share and love to give, and I just keep going one day at a time,
living this adventure called life.

Thought to Ponder....

May the road always lead where you need to be.

^ Tha above sounds like one of those Irish blessings, pretty cool. I hope I and others who posted here haven't implied too bad a picture of the way things were for us, for the non-alcoholics who may read this. This might make it hard to identify with the possibilities if you had questions about your drinking. I put the memories of my past out there to keep my memory green and remember where I came from. I did some bad and hurtful things, we all did.

Though I have a couple sober years under my belt, I'm smart enough to realize that could change, and one drink is all it takes.

When I was in rehab I met a few unusual characters. One was a nun who only drank a few times a year, yet her behavior caused her problems and also for those around her. It was tough to realize come to the realization that her behavior was affecting others, and tough for me to believe it also. How could a nun who drank a few times a year be an alcoholic? :huh: BS, I said.

There was another guy, who made it a habit of getting blind drunk, going to bars, and issuing ridiculous challenges to people. One challenge he issues was where he brought a bowling ball with him and bet someone $20 he could handle having it dropped on his stomach, beer muscles. so they dropped the bowling ball on his stomach from about 6' up, and it ruptured his stomach, or gave him a hernia because of the way he was pushing his stomach up. Something like that.

There was also another lady who in her late 50's, skin was yellow,jaundiced, belly big like she was 9 months pregnant. 2 days later they took her out of there, she died.

I had trouble identifying at first because I was looking at them and saying they weren't like me. I wasn't facing reality.

"When we concentrate on the behaviors that distinguish alcoholics instead of the circumstances, we begin to make headway." Think BillW might have said that.

So actively listening to someone tell their story, if we identify with even a few parts of it, helps us to understand who we are, and help us with growth and moving on. We can still identify with someone elsse if they are talking about feelings of being happpy, lonely, sad, miserable, joyous, or isolated. These are feelings that we all experience at one time or other. Learning to recognize the way to identify with others helps us to feel less isolated, and renew our connections to society.

And it's good advice for others in society who managed to feel disconnected, some people only feel connected by the internet in these times we live in. We learn to appreciate others by appreciating what they have to say (as long as not in too many words) ;) :laugh:

Once we make the decision to surrender, we can begin the recovery process. As we recover, we can help others, and in doing so feel gratified at our efforts in giving back.

The joys of sobriety are limitless, and should also be praised. No more losing important things in your life, wallets, car keys, friends, family, relationships.

No more missed social occasions because drinking was more important. Some of us replaced our alcohol addictions with fishing, harmless, but you can also get divorced, or lose relationships, over fishing too much:
http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?t=1760&highlight=dark+side+surf+fishing

No more excuses why we screwed up, as we begin to take personal responsibility for our actions.

And the ability to fully enjoy the important peoiple in our lives with the time we still have left with them. This is one of the most precious gifts of all.

An addiction, any addiction, fishing, shopping, workaholism, internet surfing, gambling, overeating, etc hurts relationships because it prioritizes our time spent, and the ones who mean the most to us usually come last.

That's one of the reasons I'm grateful I bounceed into the program. Sure it saved my life, but it gave me a life back that I had abandoned in favor of my addictions. I gotta be careful that fishin doesn't become the latest addiction, it's hard to limit doing something when you loive it so much.

If friends and family relationships suffer from anything we spend too much time doing, it's something we might want to look at.

Sorry for the long post, somenone once said I get paid by the word. ;)

jimmy z

01-20-2009, 05:36 AM

Very well said, my friend.:HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-20-2009, 07:31 AM

January 20, 2009

The Beacon

Day by day, we try to move a little toward God's perfection.
So we need not be consumed by maudlin guilt
for failure to achieve His likeness and image by Thursday next.
Progress is our aim,
and His perfection is the beacon, light-years away, that draws us on.
Thought to Ponder....

Hold your face up to the Light, even though for the moment you do not see.

The above is meaningful to me because it tells me some of the corny things they say in the program are true:

"Progress not perfection"

Faith for me is a long winding road, but holding my face to the light long enough means I have the chance to be enlightened each time I do it. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

DarkSkies

01-21-2009, 06:43 AM

January 21, 2009

Pride

We temporarily cease to grow because we feel satisfied
that there is no need for all of AA's Twelve Steps for us.
We are doing fine on only two of them,
the First Step and that part of the Twelfth where we "carry the message.
In AA slang, that blissful state is known as "two-stepping."
And it can go on for years.

Thought to Ponder....

The ego seeks the destination; the soul seeks the journey.

"The ego seeks the destination; the soul seeks the journey" I like that thought because I knoow I am on a journey. I hve more than a few 24 hours under my belt, more than a few years. My Dad, and some friends, used to say, yeah, you can have just one beer with us, you're cured now.

I haven't a bad had drinking or drug related incident in many years because I eliminated those things from my life. I still believe the disease is cunning baffling and powerful, and act as if it could be me when I hear someone went out and started up again. I worked the steps, wrote and acted on them, but I don't see myself as being cured. Recovery is a better word.

And there are still many areas where I am deficient and need work. My faith wavers at times. I have a bunch of character defects I'm working on. I could always use improvement. I keep my memory green by going to meetings. There are no more urges, haven't had them in years. It's still good to keep in touch.

Part of that is trying to givr back to others, as many have helped me. Going to meetings, helping newcomers, maintaining this thread, extending a helping hand when needed, working on my wavering faith and character defects, trying to become a better communicator with people, that's all part of what works for me.

I don't want to be in a place where I start to boast that I'm cured, and I'm immune from the disease of alcoholism and addiction. Pride in the work you do is good, pride in your ego not so good.

DarkSkies

01-22-2009, 07:21 AM

January 22, 2009

"Easy Does It"

We must learn to walk before we can run. That's why we have these slogans.
I use that "Easy Does It" every day to slow me down a little.
I have to watch myself all the time.
So I don't just take the inventory at night -- I take it continually throughout the day.
I stop and check it over first, and then let my conscience be my guide.
For me, AA has become a way of life.

Thought to Ponder....

It works -- it really does.

The slogans are good whether you have one week of sobriety, or 10 years. I think for some of us, and me, there was a sense of wasted years during our drinking and drugging. Coming into recovery, you feel inspired and want to set out on your new path quickly, get lots of stuff done to make up for the wasted years. Yesterday is a cancelled check, the best thing to focus on is today. That's another little program saying.

Sometimes they fit in and help us, but they can seem to be annoying. For example, I spend lots of time during the season fishin. I'm now running around like crazy trying to get all the projects done that piled up during the summer. Gotta get them done, gotta pile on more as soon as the current one gets done. :scared:

That's ok, as long as we don't piule too much on that we feel there's no light at the end of the tunnel. It's good to stop and take a break every now and then, smell the roses. Like the program says, easy does it. Sounds simple, but not always for a type-A personality. ;)

jimmy z

01-23-2009, 02:57 AM

Slogan's make sense. I still use 'em, and I believe in them as tools.:)

DarkSkies

01-23-2009, 06:08 AM

January 23, 2009

Challenges

Life is meant to be lived by facing the challenges it brings.
Otherwise, I'm not living, just existing.
God didn't give me this gift of sobriety to sit in a rocking chair,
imagining myself as some wise old woman who has arrived somewhere.
There is no easier, softer way.
To bring the great escape act into sobriety
is to travel with a companion that led me to despair long ago.
The teaching I receive in AA about courage and love
helps me to grapple with the challenges of life
as they are given to me one day at a time.

Thought to Ponder....

What I am is Gods gift to me. What I make of myself is my gift to Him.

This is a good reading to remember when your days in sobriety aren't that good. There is a lot of joy and positive thoughts for people who become sober. There are also bad times that come with it. People die, jobs are lost, relationships crash and burn, opportunities don't turn out the way we thought they would. The progream speaks of hills and valleys.

It's easy to maintain our sobriety when everything is beautiful, but tougher to do it when we just lost a job, or are faced with a serious health or personal crisiss. There is nothing so bad, that one drink won't make it worse. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

jonthepain

01-23-2009, 08:19 AM

My faith wavers at times.

I don't think anyone's immune from doubt. Not even Peter.

Remember Peter's doubt moment when he was walking on the water, of all times? You'd think he'd be thinking, "wow this is great, me and Jesus are walking on water!" but he has this doubt moment, and starts to sink.

Like us, when things are going ok and we are being sober, and all of a sudden this doubt moment happens.

So what do we do? Well, Peter shouted "Lord, save me!" Now that's a pretty strong prayer.

And Jesus grabbed his hand, pulled him up and walked him back into the boat, and then calmed the storm.

He's done that for me, plenty of times. As a matter of fact, I need Him right now.

Thanks for reminding me, Dark.

see ya,
jon

mick2360

01-23-2009, 07:17 PM

katiefishes

01-23-2009, 08:28 PM

Happy Birthday Mick. Wishing you many years of happiness.:birthday:

DarkSkies

01-24-2009, 12:01 AM

49th birthday today! I've gotten to the point where these days are times to reflect on the blessings in my life. My alcoholism brought suffering but it also brought a deep appreciation of the life that I have now. I sometimes cannot believe that I have been blessed with the family, home and job that I have today.

Looking forward to fishing with Dark come march. Some of you other guys would be welcome. How about it, jon? :HappyWave:

Hey Mick, Happy birthday, ya old fart! :birthday:

Ya can't come fishin with me without the white bucket, you need it to carry your Depends in. :laugh:

Seriously, 49 ain't that bad, could be worse, wait till next year. ;) I wish you continued sobriety, one day at a time, good health, and happiness with your family, and great fishin in the year ahead. Hope you had a great day, man. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-24-2009, 09:19 AM

January 24, 2009

Miracle

I was spiritually bankrupt long before AA entered my life
and long before alcoholism took over like a parasite under my skin.
I had nothing, no faith at all to cling to.
I had no faith in man, because along with my drinking I had lost faith in myself.
I trusted no one, for others were but a mere reflection of my own self,
and I could not trust me. I got sober in AA, and, like a miracle,
the warm flood of reality I had feared for so long flowed over me,
and I was no longer afraid. . .
With the tools and guideposts of AA, we can learn a little more of this precious gift
-- our gateway to human spirituality.

Thought to Ponder....

Don't give up before the miracle happens.

This is a great topic for today. Sometimes I wonder if outsiders reading this will think we are just a bunch of brainwashed ex-drunks and addicts, blindly following these rules, rules, rules. Blindly speaking all the program stuff, we must sound like a bunch of Moonies at times. What a bunch of brainless robots we are, look, they can't even think for themselves! :laugh: :plastered:

We can think for ourselves, and use this stuff to get back on track and lead productive lives. I tried to get outside my words, and thought some of this stuff might be boring to outsiders who don't have alcohol or drug porblems.

That's the beauty of the program and meetings, one size fits all. You can learn as little or as much as you want from it. It's like going to a therapist every week, only it doesn't cost $100.

And there are many miracles out there, I'm one of em. Came back from the dead a few times, and last night I ran into my friend who was runnin the meeting, he was given up for dead more than a few times.

It's powerful medicine, it works, and it's simple. I feel fortunate to be a part of it. For today, I'm grateful for what I have. And I'm grateful that I'm younger than Mick, although this morning I feel like I'm 100. :laugh: :HappyWave: That's all, off to work.

jimmy z

01-25-2009, 06:49 AM

Happy belated Birthday, my friend. I hope all is well.
Stay strong, and be blessed, :).

DarkSkies

01-25-2009, 11:00 AM

January 25, 2009

Fellowship

To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish,
to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends --
this is an experience you must not to miss.
We know you will not want to miss it.

Thought to Ponder....

Life is an ongoing miracle.

Amen to fellowship of AA/NA, and just kickin it with friends who identify what you're talkin about when you say something. :thumbsup: I was supposed to take someone to a meeting the other night, but they flaked. Just wasn't the right time for them, no problem. So I ended up at my regular meeting. it's turning out to be my home meeting, the people there give you a good crossx section of sobriety, and struggling to achieve sobriety. Some good learning.

Some of the stuff that was said I thought was worthwhile, so I'll pass it along -

"The inside affects the outside"

"I keep coming to meetings even when I don't feel like it. When I leave I feel the spirits of others lifting me up"

"I come here and see people I thought were ghosts. People do come back from the dead"

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger"

Amen, brothers and sisters. Amen. :clapping:

jonthepain

01-25-2009, 04:47 PM

How about it, jon? :HappyWave:

I'd love to, but it looks like kind of a long shot this year. And happy birthday, btw. 49 wasn't too bad, but I've only got you by 3 yrs, so I won't give you that "sonny boy" stuff. Well, maybe later.

as far as being brainwashed etc., I would argue that it's just the opposite. I'm finally free.

I was talking with a buddy of mine today who quit 21 yrs ago (I've got 3 1/2 yrs.) We agreed that alcohol is just something we found out that we can't drink, and he said "Hell, I can't drink gasoline either, but so what?" rofl

mick2360

01-25-2009, 09:00 PM

Thanks to all for the B-day wishes. It meant a lot. The best part of sobriety is meeting life on its terms. You guys, and yes, you too, Ms. Katie, are growing on me. There is a good system of support happening here. And, if by chance someone is out there reading along and struggling with the idea or process of ending the drinking and drugging, or you are effected by someone with this problem, feel free to check in. You are not alone. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-26-2009, 07:20 AM

January 26, 2009

The Language of the Heart

From the beginning, communication in AA has been no ordinary transmission
of helpful ideas and attitudes. It has been unusual and sometimes unique.
Because of our kinship in suffering,
and because our common means of deliverance are effective for ourselves
only when constantly carried to others,
our channels of contact have always been charged with the language of the heart.
- Bill W., July 1960.

Thought to Ponder....

The ankle-biters of everyday struggles will eat away at me
unless I go to meetings and share.

BillW was the man. He went through the struggles and figured things out when there were no comprehensive programs of recovery out there. There's not much I can say here, don't want to take away from his spotlight. I'm grateful he blazed the trails he did to make it easier for people like me and others to learn about ourselves and the road to recovery. :clapping:

DarkSkies

01-26-2009, 07:31 AM

I'd love to, but it looks like kind of a long shot this year.

as far as being brainwashed etc., I would argue that it's just the opposite. I'm finally free.

We agreed that alcohol is just something we found out that we can't drink, and he said "Hell, I can't drink gasoline either, but so what?" rofl

Amen to that, Jon. I can't drink paint thinner either, though I used to get pretty high on it when I painted cars. :plastered: There are many things in out life we can do without, and be better off. Amen.

Thanks to all for the B-day wishes. It meant a lot. The best part of sobriety is meeting life on its terms. You guys, and yes, you too, Ms. Katie, are growing on me. There is a good system of support happening here. And, if by chance someone is out there reading along and struggling with the idea or process of ending the drinking and drugging, or you are effected by someone with this problem, feel free to check in. You are not alone. :HappyWave:

Mick, I know I BB ya about your age, but I love ya anyway.:kiss: :laugh: We're all getting older. A woman at a meeting was freaking out the other night cause she just turned 50. A lot of people told her - at least you didn't turn 50 in jail, or the hospital, or not make it because you were already in the cemetery. We're all getting ollder, life is moving. Older sober is good.

Mohammed won't go to the mountain, the mountain goes to mohammed :D - Mick, I'm thinking of taking a road trip this fall or sooner to see Jon and do some fishin, if he can stand having us around for a day or 2. I'll try to find some cheap hotels down there, might be pretty cheap to go for a day or 2. We can bring the women if they want to make the trip, or not. Should be fun, I'll keep you posted on the details. :fishing:

jonthepain

01-26-2009, 05:21 PM

I'd be glad to have ya. If you bring the wimmens, they will prob want their own digs, but if it's just y'all, I've got plenty of couches, or maybe the kids will let you have their rooms and they can take the couches.

I'm 2 1/2 - 3 hours from surf fishing, (it's mostly blues and drum down here, but if you hit it right you can get into some stripers,) and 2 1/2 minutes from a trophy black bass lake.

there are a pile of cheap motels down here right on the beach. i've got a beach buggy permit for the south topsail inlet beach. that's where some lady just busted the black drum record a month or so ago - i'll dig up the article and post it. it's a beautiful beach. the motel right there charges like $65 off season if i remember right.

you kinda need to go off season tho. and no buggies during summer season.

i've caught lots of stripers at oregon inlet, too. i think you can still camp right near there. it's about 5 hrs from my house.

i haven't been to hatteras. you'll need to check what's up there before you go, tho. sometimes the crowds are so thick it ain't worth it. but you never know.

i've had some luck at ft. fisher, but i'll have to check the dune buggy regs. they change all the time; last time i checked you couldn't stay after dark.

and then there's always portsmouth island...
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/SurfNBrewresized.jpg
(that's busch na btw)
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/FishingTrip038resized.jpg
Barry
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/FishingTrip045resized.jpg
our digs
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/FishingTrip062resized.jpg
(they have cabins too)

mick2360

01-28-2009, 08:01 PM

Dark, All in good fun. No worries. A trip down to NC.....sounds like a plan.

Jon, Great pics. It would be an honor to fish with you. I'll be dragging the entry level goog bucket while the master, DS himself, may be upgrading to the special Orange Googan. Dark is a unique character, a gentleman and a good fisherman. Sometimes a bit quiet but he can be encouraged into a conversation.:rolleyes:

Last night in one of my groups a younger guy was talking about his divorce and how he had never had a serious issue with alcohol until then. Suddenly, due to grief and not knowing how to handle it, he was a lights out drinker. Nice kid who rang up a couple of DUI's and some serious legal problems. Ordinary people can change their thinking first, then their emotions and finally their behavior seems to come into line. Drunks seem to need to first change their behavior (It's the drinking, stupid!:)) and stop drinking. After a couple of days of physical withdrawal, which I don't mean to downplay, it can be a medical emergency, the emotions begin to moderate some. Last, for me anyway, was the change in thinking; realizing that staying away from alcohol is a prerequisite for having a life.

Stopping drinking changed a lot. I no longer surrounded myself with out of control people. My taste in women changed; drama and acting out was no longer a draw. My relationships began to deepen. I stopped using alcohol to deal with former disappointments and began to take responsibility for my choices in all things. I began to recognize emotionally distressed people were walking talking 'red lights' and i stopped becoming involved with them. This gave me more time to work on my own issues, of which there were (and are) plenty. Gradually, over the course of a couple of years, life got better. My favorite AA slogan: Keep It Simple. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

01-28-2009, 11:03 PM

January 28, 2009

Possibilities

I have come to believe that hard times are not just meaningless suffering
and that something good might turn up at any moment.
That's a big change for someone who used to come to in the morning
feeling sentenced to another day of life.
When I wake up today, there are lots of possibilities.
I can hardly wait to see what's going to happen next.
I keep coming back because it works.

Thought to Ponder....

Once we clear a hurdle, it doesn't seem so high.

Keep coming back, it works if ya work it! Looks pretty simple to me, good deal. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

01-28-2009, 11:09 PM

Last, for me anyway, was the change in thinking; realizing that staying away from alcohol is a prerequisite for having a life.

Stopping drinking changed a lot. I no longer surrounded myself with out of control people. My taste in women changed; drama and acting out was no longer a draw. My relationships began to deepen. I stopped using alcohol to deal with former disappointments and began to take responsibility for my choices in all things. I began to recognize emotionally distressed people were walking talking 'red lights' and i stopped becoming involved with them. This gave me more time to work on my own issues, of which there were (and are) plenty. Gradually, over the course of a couple of years, life got better. My favorite AA slogan: Keep It Simple. :HappyWave:

One of the things in my recovery is that most of the out of control and negative people I eliminated, but some good friends and people I fish with are still crazy. I sometimes feed on the thrill of hanging with people who are out there jsut to see how far we can push each other. I know that ain't the most mature position in th world, but to me it's like moshing in a pit, picking th biggest dude there and challenging him to smash heads, all in fun. I still get off on that adrenilin, I would miss it if it weren't in my life. :don't know why:

DarkSkies

01-28-2009, 11:14 PM

No particular order, just say a name that comes into your head, and put a number before it. If you wanna say something about them, like how they inspired you to quit, or something like that, go for it.

1. Gary Busey - although he almost blew up his brain riding without a helmet, he made it back, and is clean and sober. :clapping:
2. Joe Walsh - the original Rocky Mountain way dude, sober for a couple of years. :thumbsup: He does a great song called one day at a time, I believe Jon first posted it.
3. Betty Ford - wife of President Ford
"In her second book, published in 1987, BETTY: A GLAD AWAKENING, Mrs. Ford recounts her own recovery from chemical dependency in 1978. Again, she helped millions to understand their illness and to take personal responsibility for their bodies. Then in 1982, Mrs. Ford and Leonard Firestone co-founded The Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, California, to assist women, men and their families in the starting process of recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. Today, it is regarded as the premier treatment facility in the nation."
:clapping:

DarkSkies

01-29-2009, 06:52 AM

January 29, 2009

Vulnerability

Our drinking lives left our emotional selves pinched, scraped, bent, and bruised,
if not pretty firmly warped.
So, as our experience shows, the first nondrinking days
are likely to be periods of great emotional vulnerability.
Is this an extended pharmacological effect of the drinking?
Is it a natural state for anyone recuperating from a long and extended illness?
Or does it indicate a deep flaw in the personality?
The answer doesn't matter at first.
Whatever the cause, the condition is one we have to watch out for,
because it can tempt us to drink faster than the eye, head, or heart can realize.

Thought to Ponder....

Once we understand ourselves, the rest of living falls in line.

The understanding is part of the journey, an important part. Some of the toughest growth for me is looking who I am, what makes me tick, and the things I can and cannot do. Choices - how wll do I know myself, am I willing to look at my behavior to periodically check if I'm veering off the path? I thought aboout investing in a bar one time with a friend, but why would I really be doing that? To make money or be closer to the alcohol? A go-go bar was an even better idea we both had, but what was the motivation there? :naughty:

I know I have a compulsive personality - alcohol, food, drugs, sex, fishing, if it makes me feel good I want more. So in recovery a good self-analysis will lead you to conclusions you shouldn't be around things that could be a trigger for you. A friend managed to stop the drug and other behaviors in his life, but he was still drinkin. We got into a strong discssion about it. He said he wasn't an alcoholic, I asked him if that was tue, why did he keep getting in trouble when he was drinking? Another friend started making wine after many years of sobriety, and 6 months later was doing crack and living with junkies.

Everyone has to come to these realizations at their own pace. No one likes being told they have a problem, even by well-meaning friends, unless they are seeking help. My best answer to someone who is asking these kinds of questions is: If you know yourself, you will realize what things you can be doing, and things you have no business doing. All part of knowing and understanding ourselves. :thumbsup:

Famous 100-

4. BillW - Bill Wilson
William Griffith Wilson (26 November (http://www.answers.com/topic/november-26) 1895 (http://www.answers.com/topic/1895) – 24 January (http://www.answers.com/topic/january-24) 1971 (http://www.answers.com/topic/1971)), also known as Bill Wilson or Bill W., was the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous (http://www.answers.com/topic/alcoholics-anonymous) (AA), a fellowship of self-help (http://www.answers.com/topic/self-help) groups dedicated to helping alcoholics (http://www.answers.com/topic/alcoholism) achieve sobriety (http://www.answers.com/topic/sobriety). According to the AA Twelfth tradition of anonymity, Wilson was and still is commonly known as "Bill W." or just "Bill." He largely preferred this form of his name over the more formal non-AA version, thus this article will use that form.
Bill achieved sobriety in December 1934 and maintained it throughout his remaining 36 years. Despite the success and notoriety afforded him by the accomplishments and growth of AA under his leadership, he continued to suffer from compulsive behavior (http://www.answers.com/topic/compulsion-4) and episodes of depression. In 1955 Bill turned over control of AA to a board of trustees (http://www.answers.com/topic/trustee). In the years before his death he changed the makeup of the board, which was initially composed of a non-alcoholic majority, to trustees who were both recovered alcoholics and non-alcoholics, with the majority being recovered alcoholics. In keeping with his interest in spirituality, he experimented with other possible cures for alcoholism. These experiments included niacin (http://www.answers.com/topic/niacin) (vitamin B3) and parapsychology (http://www.answers.com/topic/parapsychology) as a means of inducing spiritual change.[1] (http://www.answers.com/topic/bill-w#cite_note-0) Bill died of emphysema complicated by pneumonia in 1971. His wife, Lois Wilson (http://www.answers.com/topic/lois-wilson-activist), was the founder of Al-Anon (http://www.answers.com/topic/al-anon-alateen), a group dedicated to helping the friends and relatives of alcoholics. In 1999 Time Magazine (http://www.answers.com/topic/time-album) declared Bill to be in the top 20 of the Time 100: Heroes and Icons who exemplified "courage, selflessness, exuberance, superhuman ability and amazing grace" in the 20th century.
http://www.answers.com/topic/bill-w

I thank BillW for all the work he he did. It paved the way for all the tortured souls looking for answers and sobriety. :clapping:

DarkSkies

01-30-2009, 05:13 AM

January 30, 2009

Release

A belief in the basic spirituality of life has grown
and with it belief in a supreme and guiding power for good.
In the process of this change I can recognize
two immensely significant steps for me.
The first step I took when I admitted to myself for the first time
that all my previous thinking might be wrong.
The second step came when I first consciously wished to believe.
As a result of this experience I am convinced that to seek is to find,
to ask is to be given.
The day never passes that I do not silently cry out in thankfulness,
not merely for my release from alcohol,
but even more for a change that has given life new meaning, dignity, and beauty.

Thought to Ponder....

When I change what I believe, I change what I do.

Amen to that. We tend to lose sight of the gift that sobriety is when things are running smoothly. I'm grateful that my life has new meaning, beauty, and dignity. I try to think of that gratitude daily, and express it by passing it on.

DarkSkies

01-31-2009, 08:34 AM

January 31, 2009

No Reservation

Most of us have believed that if we remained sober for a long stretch,
we could thereafter drink normally. . .
We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again:
"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic."
Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety,
we are in a short time as bad as ever.
If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind,
nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 33.

Thought to Ponder....

If we want to quit drinking, we are going to have to quit drinking

I've seen this happen first hand, seen people with years of sobriety go out into light use by social drinking, and within a short thim they are back at their drug of choice, and in bad shape. Watched it happen over and over with different people. It may sound a little cruel, but recovery teaches us to look closely when this happens, and say, well that could have been me. That person was a lesson to me.

It also teaches us compassion, because "there but for the grace of God go I".

When I first got sober, smoking pot was one of the favorite things I had to give up. Not only smoking it, but touching it smelling it, and trying to figure out where it was grown. I became pretty good at this, and it was kinda like a game for me. Someone I know would have a bag of pot, I would stick my nose in it, and say -yah this probably came from ________. I would savor the aroma like a fine wine. :laugh:

I convinced myslf that I would quit drinking and harder drugs. but I would go back to smoking pot after 6 months. Quitting for 6 months would be the sign I was "cured" because I was never able to quit everything cold turkey before.

So I made this pact with myself. Gradually, as I accumulated sober time, I realized that smoking pot would lead to worse problems for me, I began to feel some pride in the sobriety I had and the fact I was turning my life around. I didn't make that first step to smoke pot again, I didn't pick up, and I haven't.

The little rationalization in my head telling me it was ok eventually went away too. That's why our addictions are cunning, baffling, and powerful. It's the only disease that tells you you don't have one. Denial is a big obstacle to sobriety, unless you're willing to surrender completely. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

DarkSkies

02-01-2009, 09:02 AM

February 1, 2009

Going to Any Length

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like,
what happened, and what we are like now.
If you have decided you want what we have
and are willing to go to any length to get it
-- then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked.
We thought we could find an easier, softer way.
But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command,
we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.
Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas
and the result was nil until we let go absolutely
Remember that we deal with alcohol -- cunning, baffling, powerful!
Without help it is too much for us.

Thought to Ponder....

Life didn't end when I got sober -- it started

That's great, I was just talkin about cunning baffling and powerful, yesterday, and here it is today. Life does get better, for anyone who is wondering. You will go through some rough patches, we all do, but it's a hell of a lot better to go through it sober.

DarkSkies

02-02-2009, 07:41 AM

February 2, 2009

An Answer

If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you. If you still think you are strong enough to beat the game alone, that is your affair. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all, and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails if you go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when getting another drink.
Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 193.

Thought to Ponder....

Joy is in knowing there is an answer.

It's been said about alcoholics that we are creative, resourceful, intelligent people who are able to think outside the box. The only problem is that alcohol got in the way. Remove that alcohol or substance we were abusing, and the possibilities are limitless. :thumbsup:

Famous people list
#5 Tim Allen, Home Improvement- had a coke problem, went to jail for distribution, got sober, came out and started a career path to fame and fortune. :clapping:

jonthepain

02-02-2009, 09:44 AM

that's encouraging - thanks, dark.

DarkSkies

02-02-2009, 10:04 PM

A friend is dying in the last stages of diabetes and kidney failure. We went to see him in the hospital tonight. They chopped of 2 of his fingers on each hand, 2 toes on each foot. Before we went in the room, the doctor said they're gonna need to chop off at least one of his hands, or a finger at a time. Gangrene in a couple of the fingers he has left, infection inside one of the hands.

This guy has no friends, or very few people left in his life who care about him, besides us. Sounds sad, but he has been a selfish SOB his whole life, 3 failed marriages, kids who don't even know or care that he's their Dad. Problems with drugs and alcohol, but never arrested or lost a job because of it.

Moved back in with his parents at 50, but they are in failing health, and can't even take care of themselves. Whenever I would go to visit them, I thought I was watching the "Raymond" show, only in this reality show all the actors are doing meth. :scared: Yelling and screaming at each other as a part of their daily lives, I stopped visiting because I always seemed to be the referee, got tired of that role.

Anyone would feel sorry for this guy and the dysfunctional family. How do you feel sorry for a guy who needs dialysis 3x/week, yet skips it because he doesn't feel like it? :beatin: Who drinks a quart of sugar soda every day in the morning because "the dialysis will balance it out". Who smokes like a fiend, further restricting his arteries and causing more gangrene?

Through it all, I always try to see the good in people. I worked a lot of plumbing jobs with him, he used to be a great plumber. Got the job done, knew all the tricks, and he was willing to teach me. I'm grateful for that.

He loves fishin and huntin, so we have that in common. He can talk about fishin for hours. He was talkin about goin again. I didn't have the heart to tell him he'll never to be able to hunt and fish again, I just let him go on and on about it.

So why feel sorry for this guy? He made his own bed, lived a selfish life, he kinda deserves what's happening now because he made his own choices.

The program teaches you about choices, and you're responsible for the ones you make. I have no control over his life, he wouldn't listen to any advice anyway.

I just feel bad seeing someone die, all alone. That's gotta be the worst feeling in the world, you're in the hospital, and no one even cares enough to visit. :( So I'll keep in touch with him, and try to visit and keep his spirits up. It's all downhill from here, and tough to watch.

I know this was a little long winded, sorry for the rant, I had to put it up somewhere and vent about it. Program talks about a lot of good stories, and there are many.

Sometimes life just sucks, and it ain't gettin any better. That's all.

DarkSkies

02-03-2009, 07:07 AM

February 3, 2009

Philosophy

For me, AA is a synthesis of all the philosophy I've ever read,
all of the positive, good philosophy, all of it based on love.
I have seen that there is only one law, the law of love,
and there are only two sins:
the first is to interfere with the growth of another human being,
and the second is to interfere with one's own growth.

Thought to Ponder....

I cannot add to the peace and good will of the world
if I fail to create an atmosphere of harmony and love right where I live and work.

As alcoholics, we interfere with our own personal growth time and time again. We sabotage almost every chance of success, it's what we do. Sobriety helps us to get out of that, start moving forward, and try to show others a better path by our examples of positive behavior.

Famous Recovering people:

6. I think Bruce Willis is a recovering alcoholic.

DarkSkies

02-04-2009, 11:26 AM

February 4, 2009

Usefulness

We hear a lot in meetings that a grateful alcoholic doesn't get drunk.
What I have found, though, reaches far beyond feeling grateful,
and that is feeling useful.
I believe that when I am grateful, It is usually for what I have been given.
However, when I am useful, it is for what I am able to give.
If nothing else, the program of AA has offered me the ability to be useful.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Thought to Ponder....

To be sensitive is to feel the thoughts and hearts of others
as only you would want yours felt.

This goes with the AA tradition "We keep what we have by giving it away", a great way to move forward in sobriety. Wallowing in alcoholism and isolating ourselves is not a good direction. The program teaches us that isolation of any kind is not a good thing. I know I like to fish alone, and that's ok, as long as I don't neglect my family or friends by isolating myself.

I talked to a friend the other night who is addicted to many things. He straightened himself out, but still goes gambling. He justified this over and over by explaining his gambling system. If he didn't think it might become a problem, why would he need to justify it to me, or anyone? http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif He also described the isolation aspect, and that anyone who he knew who was aa serious gambler gambled alone. He does that too, so I thought it was interesting that he had all these rationalizations.

If you wanna gamble, go for it. It is what it is. Knowiung you have a compulsive personality and still putting yourself in risky situations? Only you can answer whether that's good or bad for your recovery.

Usefulness, for me, helps me to break out of the shell of isolation and reach out to help others. In doing so, I help and learn about myself. And that feels good.

mick2360

02-04-2009, 10:30 PM

One of my favorite movies is 'The Verdict', where paul newman plays the role of an attorney who is a dead end drunk trying a case that might turn his life around. Some of the scenes, especially the early morning drinking in a bar that served breakfast scenes, made me cringe. There is a scene in the movie where Newman's character says, "So much of the time we are lost." Your 2/02/09 post about your dying friend brought this movie to mind. Your friend is at the logical progression of a life given to drink and self abuse. Newman's character was close but, at the end of the movie, was at the point where change is possible. I don't know how it turned out for Newman's character bt that movie was foundational in my recovery. I so desperately did not want to die drunk and alone. And i will start to pray for your friend at the end of each day. If anyone else would like prayer, please let me know. I'm just one guy but I would be honored to pray for you. Dark, you don't have to ask, you're already there.:)

One other thing. The heroine of the movie is a young woman, Kaitlyn Costello, who chooses to do something very painful and at great risk because it is the right thing. I named my daughter after that character; I thought it was a strong name and might lead her in future times. She was born 16 years ago. She has never known me to drink or use drugs. Miraculous. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

02-05-2009, 06:31 AM

February 5, 2009

Footprints

Stepping into the first footprint that led from the dismal swamp of alcoholism
toward the sunlight of sobriety would not take me far enough.
Would I muddle along some little trail of my own in the weeds,
vaguely paralleling the clearly marked AA road?
Or would I choose to follow in the exact footsteps of the AAs who had preceded?
The choice was up to me. . .
Since I had already taken Step One, I could decide to stop right there.
I could just dry up, period. I could survive like a raisin the rest of my life.

Thought to Ponder....

I stood in the sunlight at last.

I like the above thought because a lot of people don't want to follow suggestions of the program, or they still want to do things "their way". There was 5 pages of going back and forth on another thread where a guy tried the program, but was constantly attacking trhe principles, saying every aspect was brainwashing, and not alowing people to think for themselves. In short, he knew better than everyone in the program, and we were alll mindless zombies. Wel, why was he so angry then, and unhappy, and still struggling with his sobriety? http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

I know I have free will, can follow whatever path I choose to. The paths in the past I followed led to disaster. So you have to be at least willing to take a new path, whether you think it will work or not. If you can do it by yourself, and fix all the things that deteriorated in your life, by yourself, good luck, God bles. I couldn't, and was willing to listen, stubbornly at first. :rolleyes:

Gradually I saw others in there who inspired me by their quality sobriety. I wanted some of that! I was willing to do whatever I had to do to get it. I was hungry for change.

DarkSkies

02-05-2009, 06:42 AM

One other thing. The heroine of the movie is a young woman, Kaitlyn Costello, who chooses to do something very painful and at great risk because it is the right thing. I named my daughter after that character; I thought it was a strong name and might lead her in future times. She was born 16 years ago. She has never known me to drink or use drugs. Miraculous. :HappyWave:

That's a great achievement, Mick. Anything is possible one day at a time. :clapping:

...act as if you had faith, and faith will be given to you :thumbsup:
YBD6FxrtJN0

Thanks for praying for my friend. Was on the phone the other night with another guy who knows him. The guy said he has been selfish his whole life, and never was there for anyone in his family when they needed them. So this is kinda like karma, now no one is there for him. Maybe he deserves it, I still feel bad for him.

DarkSkies

02-06-2009, 06:15 AM

February 6, 2009

Irrationality

Few indeed are the practicing alcoholics who have any idea
how irrational they are, or seeing their irrationality, can bear to face it.
Some will be willing to term themselves "problem drinkers"
but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill.
They are abetted in this blindness by a world which does not understand
the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism.
"Sanity" is defined as "soundness of mind."
Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyzing his destructive behavior,
whether he fell on the dining room furniture or his own moral fiber,
can claim "soundness of mind" for himself.

Thought to Ponder....

If you think you are an alcoholic, chances are you are.

To me, this goes to the cunning, baffling, and powerful part of our disease. It's the only disease that tells you you don't have one, that you aren't sick, and alllows you to rationalize self-destructive bahavior so it doesn't seem that bad, in your mind. But the people around us know we are sick, and we start to affect their lives too.

It's not our place to call someone an alcoholic, even if we are one. The questions must come from inside them, as they start thinking about if they are addicted. Learning about it can be helpful, because many people have no trouble with alcohol in their lives. They can drink to excess at times, and they don't fit the other characteristics, so it wouldn't fit to imply that they are.

Only a small % of people who drink are alcoholics. The definition I learned is that if your drinking or drugging causes you problems, you might be an alcoholic. It's up to you to decide if you are.

Famous recovering people:

7. Stephen King - writer and movie producer

DarkSkies

02-07-2009, 12:09 PM

February 7, 2009

Simplicity

The simple words "Thy Will Be Done" and the simple ideas of honesty
and of helping others are taking on a new meaning for me.
I should not be surprised to find myself coming to the astounding conclusion
that God, whoever or whatever He may be,
is eminently more capable of running this universe than I am.
At last I believe I am on my way.

Thought to Ponder....

The will of God will never take me where the grace of God will not protect me.

As someone who has been sulf-sufficient for most of my adult life, I had the biggest trouble accepting the highlighted passage above. If you think about it, whether you believe it or not, every time you are outdoors, the beauty of nature and wilderness, streams, rivers, oceans, and everything in between could only have been created by a being more powerful than ourselves.

Every chance I get to go outside, I am in awe at the new things I discover, and all created by God. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

02-08-2009, 06:32 AM

February 8. 2009

Decision

It is by circumstance rather than by any virtue that we have been driven to AA,
have admitted defeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith,
and now want to make a decision to turn our will and our lives
over to a Higher Power.

Reprinted from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Page 38, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and follow through.

I like the first sentence above. I didn't come into AA willingly. I wasn't happy about the possibility of a life without alcohol or drugs. I had screwed up so many times, that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was willing to give anything a chance at that point, so I did.

DarkSkies

02-09-2009, 07:07 AM

February 9, 2009

Patience

Just try it. Drive with an easy rein; don't worry;
seek and be with the Group as much as you possibly can.
Coast along with us, work with us,
and you will gradually find fear being replaced by confidence,
doubts taking wing; depression being replaced by happiness
and faith in yourself and others and in the future emerging
into the full light of everyday living.
Just try it; keep dry, think. . .a little plea for help from some greater Power.
Have patience and you will get the answer to real living and happiness.
Then try to return just a little of all that has been given you
by trying to pass it on to others who are sick and need help.
It's the road to the top of the mountain--into the sun--and it's yours for the effort.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, November 1944, Vol. 1 No. 6. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.
Thought to Ponder....

Patience is passion tamed.

Anyone who knows me probably would not classify me as a "patient & mellow" guy. :laugh: Years into my sobriety, I still struggle with this concept. I remember how I once was, which was a lot worse with my patience. I feel I've made some progress, but I'm still one of the most hyper people I know.

Years ago, I was told the road to serenity begins with patience. I think that still applies today. That's probably why I like fishin so much, you can't figure patterns out if youre not patient.

I'm highly critical of myself, and still feel like I have a long way to go tp be a more patient person. It's one of my biggest character defects.

Famous recovering people-
8. Eric Clapton - rock & roll icon
9. Anthony Kiedis - singer Red Hot Chili Peppers

jonthepain

02-09-2009, 05:32 PM

hey, pray for me, willya? not feeling so hot today.

thanks
jon

DarkSkies

02-09-2009, 06:57 PM

Jon, just sent ya a pm. I'll pray for ya, man. My number's in that pm, call me if you don't feel like typing. Ya can call collect if ya want, I'll pick up - Rich

DarkSkies

02-10-2009, 06:28 AM

February 10, 2009

Discovery

I've learned since being in AA that the more I worry about me loving you,
and the less I worry about you loving me, the happier I'll be.
I discovered a fellowship of human beings that I'd never seen before.
I learned how to have self-respect through work that AA gave me to do.
I learned how to be a friend. . .
I have learned that the more I give, the more I will have;
the more I learn to give, the more I learn to live.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], pp. 538-539.

Thought to Ponder....

Recovery is discovery.

An easy AA/NA principle to remember is we keep what we have by giving it away.

Jon, I said some prayers for you, hope youll have a better day today. Give me a call at that # I sent or pm to let me know how you're doin. :HappyWave:

jonthepain

02-10-2009, 08:26 AM

Thanks, Dark. I felt the prayers...

I guess what started it was, I had an email exchange with my oldest son, about this youtube video: http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/flamingshot.gif I told him that one of my best friends had the same experience, except that his issue was, that he used the plastic cap from the grain bottle, and it melted. i was the one trying to put him out.

my son asked if there was any scarring, to which i replied:

just his arm if i remember correctly. he died exactly 30 yrs ago, when we were 21. there were 4 of us; me, chris, kurt, and brian. chris evaporated the left side of his bumble bee, doing 80 or so, drunk at 18. i was away at college. he didn't look so hot at the viewing. i took one look and passed out.

kurt impaled himself on an old rr rail when he went off a cliff on his motorcylce senior year at wvu. drunk at 21. thankfully closed casket.

brian was my best man and has essentially blown me off for the last 25 yrs.

you remember mike, he was my best friend when i came back from oregon. dead from drinking; heart couldn't take it.

my last best friend, ray, is still a drunk. don't talk to him much anymore, since i best manned at his wedding, which was the start of my latest and hopefully last binge.

it'll either be 4 or 5 years this coming memorial day since i had a drink, i lost count. don't think i don't want to, tho. but there's no circumstance that drinking can't make worse. so i think i'll hold off for today. sure is tempting to get blotto and forget how bad life sucks for a while tho. oh well.

so i guess i was just feeling sorry for myself after reminiscing.

but you can't saw sawdust.

thanks for the pm
jon

jimmy z

02-10-2009, 05:07 PM

But for the Grace of God, there go I. With all the crazy stuff that i did to myself, over the years, it's a wonder that I'm still here.
I believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and that along the way we get sidetracked. But because our will and way is a failure, we get back on track, because of a divine intervention. God is not finished with us.
It's unfortunate, that some do things, that are fatal to themselves or others.
I know that I am a drink away from the insanity, and because I know, I am truly grateful.
What I know, I need to share with those that don't. I never for get where I came from.
Easy does it, my friend. :)

DarkSkies

02-11-2009, 06:45 AM

February 11, 2009

Immunity

We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again:
"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic."
Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety,
we are in a short time as bad as ever.
If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind
nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 41

Thought to Ponder....

If we want to quit drinking, we are going to have to quit
drinking.

This is a good topic for today, especially in light of that Jon shared yesterday. When I was in rehab, they told me of the progression that would happen if I were to stop, and start again. What the heck did these people know, were they the recovery police? How the heck could they be so sure? :huh:

So I really didn't believe it until it was demonstrated painfully for me through some people I knew.

A prime example of this was my friend Frankie. He went to the same school I did. When I first walked into the rooms, I saw him and his friend J there. I said you guys were the biggest burnouts I knew, man I can't believe you're in here! They laughed, and said they thought the same thing about me, and were glad I made it in.

In the beginning of my recovery, we hung out together, and sometimes went to the same AA dances, tried to hook up with the chicks there, and had fun, just like back in high school. These 2 guys were an inspiration to everyone. They worked their program, got their lives back on track, and helped a bunch of people. :thumbsup:

Gradually in our recovery, we went to less meetings, different meetings, and saw each other less. I next ran into Frankie 5 years after that, when I picked him up hitchhiking one day. He looked bad, I could tell he was getting high again. I gave him my # and said to call me if he wanted to hit a meeting sometime. He said yeah, but I had the feeling he never would. I heard a few months later that he was dead.

One of the last people to see him alive was G, a guy who had helped me in my darkest hours by getting me into rehab. He also tried to help Frankie, but as Frankie was being admitted, he went to the bathroom before he was searched, shot up, and died soon after. He was so close to getting his life back, but it was too late.

Another interrelated story concerns G. This guy was active in the programs over 30 years after his own battles with alcohol. He was a notable figure in the recovery community, ans helped many people on the beginning path back to sanity. However, he had a son who hung out with my brother. The kid was in 5 or 6 rehabs, and still out on the streets causing trouble. Every time, you would hope for the best for him when you saw him after getting out of the latest rehab. He talked a good story, but loved alcohol and drugs more. Everyone around knew how bad he was, and how much in denial he was. Looking back, maybe he should have been sent to GOD's (Geraldine O' Delaney's) program, but for some reason he wasn't. As bad as he was, it probably would not have made a difference anyway.

All I know is that his Dad, G, tried his best to use all the resources and connections he had to help his only son. Yet nothing he did worked because his son didn't want the help, and each time the progression got worse.

This is the concept of powerlessness coming back to punch you in the face.

You would think that as much as G knew about recovery, it would be enough to help his son start a new life. But it wasn't. It must have been heartbreaking for that father to watch his son slowly dying, nothing at all he could do. It wa sad for me to watch too. When the son eventually died, I went to the funeral. Kid was 25, looked like he was 60, one of the worst corpses I had ever seen.

So the above 2 examples were very powerful illustrations to me what happens with the progression. As I said before, I know in my heart I can handle one drink, or one joint, or one of anything else. But what happens after that, when I decide it's not enough??

Sometimes the mistakes of others is what it takes for us to learn. Its extremely sad people have to die to illustrate this point, Jon. It is what it is.

Your reminiscing got to me, and thinking about the people who have helped me in so many areas of my recovery. Might be time to pay another visit to G, and see how he's doin. I know that stuff was bothering you, jon. I got some other stories like yours I'll share in another post, but this post is too loing already. Thanks for sharing, man, you helped me think about some people I haven't thought about for while. And who knows how many lurkers you may have helped with your honesty. :thumbsup:

mick2360

02-11-2009, 05:48 PM

Jon, Great post. Survival was hard. remembering old friends who didn't make it can leave me feeling guilty and wondering if I could have done more. The brutal and cold fact is that deciding to use means that we will inevitably fall. There is an old saying that the neighborhood between your ears is a dangerous place to go alone. Thanks for posting. A few of us have survivor's guilt.

I remember fallen friends, as well as those I had to leave behind to gain my own sobriety. I miss them. But I am grateful for all I have today that would not be possible had i continued drinking. Food for thought. :HappyWave:

jonthepain

02-12-2009, 10:26 AM

Thanks, men.

i've got lots of mike stories. we were very very close. i loved him more than anybody, ever. both self-employed contractors. he was a plumber, i was a painter. both have wives and 4 kids. we helped each other out a lot, personally and professionally. saw each other every day. hell, our dads were best friends, too. (both died from alchohol btw.)

we quit drinking together. i'll never forget the day we starting in again together. i stopped again; he didn't.

he's dead; i'm not.

wish it was the other way around sometimes, but there it is. too late now. plus i don't want my family to go thru the hell that his has since he died. btw he died the week before Christmas. hows that for timing?

well anyway thanks for the kind words. i guess i'll just continue to survive. it's what i do.

jon

DarkSkies

02-12-2009, 12:33 PM

February 12, 2009

Selfishness

Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity,
we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.
Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation,
but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions
based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 74.

Thought to Ponder....

Never become so heavenly that you're no earthly good.

A good topic for today. I learned early on to try to avoid selfish people, or at least identify how they operate so I could pick up on the signs. Sometimes they hide it well, and end up looking for giving and selfless people to take advantage of. This is one of my character defects that still needs work. Because of my history, I still tend to avoid this type of person at all costs. But that's not the whole equation. I have to learn to be more mellow when I see them operating and taking advantage of others. It's a sore spot with me, and I'm sometimes vocal about it. It's got me in trouble before, my goal is to learn how to deal with it ona more mature level.

Just the other week, a 90year old guy I know needed some work done in his house. I was too busy to handle it. His tenant had done some carpentry work in his house for a good price, so I pitched the tenant to install 2 interior doors, thinking he would not take advantage of an old man. Instead, he and a buddy went and installed 2 interior doors, same size, no complications, and charged the guy $1600 for labor because they know the guy wouldnt complain. After I found out, I did the best I could to help his family document the overcharges. The selfishness still got to me.

Another example - I needed help with a project from a long-time friend in the program. This friend was called "___ the guy who only calls you when he wants something" by others who know him. His help would have made things easier. I asked him about 10 times, he couldn't be bothered. I dealt with it myself, moved on.

The other day, I got a call from him asking my advice on his new business venture. He came into a chunk of $$, and knows I have experience in a field he knows nothing about, so now he needs my help. I did the best I could to offer him general advice, but that was it. This guy has been selfish his whole life, I tried to overlook it. It took someone else we both know to point that out to me. Selfishness can come back to bite yhou sometimes.

Lesson learned - try to surround yourself with positive people, and treat others how you want to be treated in return. You won't be guaranteed a stress-free recovery, but youll be eliminating some stresses you would be better off without.

Just because someone is drug or alcohol free, character defects still abound. We need to work on these defects to have better interactions in our new lives. I know I still have plenty of character defects, that's why I try to identify when I talk about them.

jonthepain

02-12-2009, 12:44 PM

try to avoid selfish people, or at least identify how they operate so I could pick up on the signs. Sometimes they hide it well, and end up looking for giving and selfless people to take advantage of.

when i was a corrections officer, i had to be especially careful around the inmates, because they were always looking for ducks. i mean, these guys had years to perfect their manipulation skills, and had it to a t.

so i still have a problem with trusting people. my wife doesn't, and is constantly being taken advantage of. i'm surprised she hasn't sent $ to nairobi.

in my experience, there are scant few people that aren't 'operators.'

DarkSkies

02-12-2009, 01:38 PM

Right on, Jon. There's a fine line between manipulating and interacting with people in your daily life. We all put up with manipulation sometimes, it's the way of the world.

Say your wife or girlfriend wants something, she doesn't have all the money to buy it. So she comes to you, talks about it a little, persuades a little, :naughty: and you buy it for her. Have you been manipulated? Sure, but that's the way things go. The danger is when people take this route as preferred behavior for all their interactions with others. You were fortunate, or unfortunate? to see manipulation at its worst in the form of prisoners, who do it as naturally as we breathe.

I bet you got some stories about that part of your life. It seems like you have done a lot of everything, seen the good with the bad.

"well anyway thanks for the kind words. i guess i'll just continue to survive. it's what i do."
jon

Keep on surviving, keep on keepin on. Sometimes that's the best way for me to get through a rough patch. The good days far outnumber the bad, but anyone who says sobriety is all smooth sailin has to be exxagerating. The rough patches is what test what you're made of, and how strong your sobriety, and your faith, is. Keep comin, man. :clapping:

DarkSkies

02-13-2009, 07:24 AM

February 13, 2009

Essentials

Any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems
in the light of our experience can recover
provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts.
He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.
We find that no one need have difficulty with the spiritual side of the program.
Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery.
But these are indispensable.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 39

Thought to Ponder....

Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves.

They say you can be in the program without a belief in God, agnostics are welcome. I know a great guy who is an agnostic. He has had troubles with one of his family members and the disease of alcoholism. I resepect his choice to live in a world without God, even though it's hard to grasp.

For me, I have been brought back from the dead so many times, I have to believe in God. There are too many coincidences in my life to chalk up to probability. I'm sometimes sensitive to the terrible things that people do to others in this world, the child molesters, the brutal murders, the inhumane acts of people toward each other, Sometimes I say: but if there is a God, why does all this crap happen? Answer: he can't control the evil that lurks in the hearts of people.

So a belief in God, for me, is something that helps to anchor my sobriety, keep me grounded. My belief and faith isn't always strong, but it's there. There's a member here who I look up to a lot because it seems his belief in God is unwavering.:HappyWave: It kinda inspires me to try harder. I may not be where he is, but I'm on the road to better faith.

jonthepain

02-13-2009, 08:25 AM

Sometimes I say: but if there is a God, why does all this crap happen? Answer: he can't control the evil that lurks in the hearts of people.

that's the oldest question, isn't it?

i would argue that God can control the evil in the heart, but that He loves us enough to let us choose. He is a gentleman. He doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't want robots; what satisfaction is there in a bunch of beings worshiping you cuz you forced them to? How much better if they come to that of their own free will? thus, free will. we choose one way or another, all day long. It's the greatest gift.

What we do with that gift is what defines us.

DarkSkies

02-13-2009, 09:07 AM

that's the oldest question, isn't it?

i would argue that God can control the evil in the heart, but that He loves us enough to let us choose. He is a gentleman. He doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't want robots; what satisfaction is there in a bunch of beings worshiping you cuz you forced them to? How much better if they come to that of their own free will? thus, free will. we choose one way or another, all day long. It's the greatest gift.

What we do with that gift is what defines us.

Jon, that was beautifully said, man.:clapping::clapping: You said it so much better than I could have, with half as many words. ;)

jonthepain

02-13-2009, 03:03 PM

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Tip-Hat-1.gif

surferman

02-13-2009, 08:38 PM

Well said Jon, well said!!

DarkSkies

02-14-2009, 08:18 AM

February 14, 2009

Happiness

I have found a joy in living that has nothing to do with money or material success.
I know that incomparable happiness that comes from helping
some other fellow get straightened out.
Don't get me wrong. We are not a bunch of angels.
None of us has any notion of becoming such.
But we know that we can never go completely back to old ways
because we are traveling upward through service to others
and in trying to be honest, decent, and loving toward the world.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 335.

Thought to Ponder....

Happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination.

Happiness is definitely part of the journey for me. It's not always there, there are some sad and trying days. But lose focus on happiness, lose focus on your recovery. It is a good thing to have in your life, one day at a time. :thumbsup:

Happy Valentine's Day to all the ladies out there! I wanted to express my gratitude for my girlfriend. We have a great time together, lots of laughs. She never hassles me about goin fishin, and helps keep me grounded. If anyone out there is alone this Valentine's Day, no big deal. There is always someone, somewhere, who could use a hug.

Guys, no girlfriends or wives, how about calling your Mom and thanking her for bringing you into this world? Anyone else, it was explained to me a long tome ago that if you can'rt get the love you want from the people in your life, you need to seek out those who will give you the love you need.

Peace and love to all on this Valentines weekend! :HappyWave:

jimmy z

02-15-2009, 03:13 AM

DarkSkies

02-15-2009, 07:59 AM

February 15, 2009

Life on Life's Terms

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful,
and ask for the right thought or action.
We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show,
humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done."

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 100.

Thought to Ponder....

Wisdom is knowing the right path to take. Integrity is taking it.

:clapping: The 2 sentences above say volumes. Those 2 alone could save us a world of pain and disappointment, if we were only to follow them. It's not always easy to take the right path. Sometimes its a pain in the azz. When you cut corners in your sobriety or your life, you eventually feel bad when your conscience gets to you.

A famous person once said the measure of a man is how he behaves when no one is looking, and how he treats the people that he comes into contact with every day. Good thoughts.

I was talking about going to see G a few days ago, the guy who helped me and countless others get into rehab and on our way to sobriety. I was in a hurry and almost talked myself out of stopping by. Well. I'm glad I did. Haven't seen him in almost 2 years.

We talked about people who almost died, and are now solid members of society, and the sad instances where people did die. His son and daughter in law were both lost to addiction, so he and his wife are raising their grandson. We talked about hown many kids today are focused on the next 5 minutes, and what a challenge that can be. He's doing ok, and keeping active. Over 30 years of sobriety, one day at a time. He teaches a class on addiction, and is gonna be in the Sr Olympics in California next month. :thumbsup:

He's always been an inspiration to me, and it was good to touch base again.

I told him I was gonna borrow one of the phrases he's been using, I thought it was cool:

When someone asks him at what point do you know you're an alcoholic? What designates the difference between a drinker who has too much to drink sometimes, and someone who is developing alcoholism? What are the signs?

The standard program answer is that if your drinking or recreational drug use is causing you problems in your life or relationships, you might have a problem.

I like his analogy better. He uses the example of a jar of cucumbers in brine, in the process of becoming pickles. He says you don't know the exact moment that cucumber becomes a pickle. But.....once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can't turn back into a cucumber. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif :D

DarkSkies

02-15-2009, 08:22 AM

I shared at a meeting the other night about how I always saw the glass as being half empty. I always saw the bad side, or the sad side, or found all of the faults in everything. I was not happy. Today, I am still Jimmy, but I see the good side, the happy side, and I find the good in everything.
Now physically I'm the same person, but I see the glass as being half full, and for that I am grateful. And with that gratitude, come happiness. :)

Jimmy, you're an inspiration too, hope I don't embarass ya too much. :HappyWave: The simple way you break things down follows the program principles. You eliminate most of the confusion that way.

When things are half empty, you are almost done and might as well give up. Half full, and it gives you the incentive to strive more to enjoy, savor, and relish the amount you have left in that glass. It's all about perspective. :clapping:

jimmy z

02-15-2009, 06:46 PM

Jimmy, you're an inspiration too, hope I don't embarass ya too much. :HappyWave: The simple way you break things down follows the program principles. You eliminate most of the confusion that way.

When things are half empty, you are almost done and might as well give up. Half full, and it gives you the incentive to strive more to enjoy, savor, and relish the amount you have left in that glass. It's all about perspective. :clapping:
Not at all my friend. I think back on all the foolishness I did on my own, and feel today that there is nothing that can ever again embarrass me, because I did it all many years ago..:HappyWave:
I'm very understanding when it comes to people.:)

DarkSkies

02-16-2009, 06:47 AM

February 16, 2009

Slogans

As I was sitting at a meeting the other evening, a lady was speaking
and she mentioned the three slogans:
"Live and Let Live," "Easy Does It," and "First Things First,"
and that she was having trouble with "Easy Does It."
As she mentioned these slogans,
I looked up at the wall where they were displayed.
All I could see because of a lady's head in front of me
was the last word in each slogan. . . "Live. . . It. . . First."
Live and Let Live -- Easy Does It -- First Things First.
The thought came to me then that the secret of getting or living
these three slogans is to live the Twelve Steps first.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, August, 1953, Vol. 10 No. 3. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine,

Thought to Ponder....

The elevator is broken -- use the Steps.

Using the steps. :thumbsup: Maybe it seems a boring part of the program, because it's all about work on ourselves, self-analysis, our character defects, and our interactions with others. Working on ourselves is a pain in the azz. It's a lot easier to help others and do service work.

When you're at a meeting, adn someone talks about being stuck, that they can't get past something, a lot of the time it's about them doing step work, or not doing it. No one likes to do the kind of work where we're looking inside ourselves, and see defect upon defect upon self-examination, it ain't pretty. :D But it's the foundation of recovery, and the steps are necessary to get to a more serene existence. Avoid them at your own risk. ;)

jonthepain

02-16-2009, 09:42 AM

you don't know the exact moment that cucumber becomes a pickle. But.....once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can't turn back into a cucumber.

that's great!:lookhappy:

DarkSkies

02-17-2009, 08:47 AM

^ Jon, my brain is still pickled sometimes. A good thing is it won't get any more pickled, unless I keep falling down and accidentally hitting my head on the jetties. ;)

DarkSkies

02-17-2009, 08:53 AM

February 17, 2009

Unity

Since personal calamity holds us in bondage no more,
our most challenging concern
has become the future of Alcoholics Anonymous;
how to preserve among us A.A.s such a powerful unity
that neither weakness of persons nor the strain and strife of these troubled times
can harm our common cause.
We know that Alcoholics Anonymous must continue to live.
Else, save few exceptions, we and our brother alcoholics throughout the world
will surely resume the hopeless journey to oblivion.
- Bill W.

Thought to Ponder....

There is no strength without unity.

Unity is great as a concept, but so much harder to forge in real life. I've been trying to make this one meeting on Fri nights. It's becoming a favorite of mine because there are so many hard core people there, recovering, who should have been dead many times over. Yet the meeting is sometimes plagued with infighting and petty disturbances, people let ego get in the way and get into stupid arguments.

That's no surprise, the same thing happens with fishermen too. I was talking with someone at the Maryland show the other day, and we agreed that a lot of fishermen may not pay attention to an issue unless it concerns them directly. This is the way of life, or as JimmyZ sez - it is what it is.

jimmy z

02-17-2009, 09:04 AM

I know today, that I'm not in this alone, and that I can not do this alone.
The new ones just come in, keep it green for me. And i can't keep it, unless I give it away. :HappyWave:

DarkSkies

02-18-2009, 08:05 AM

^^ Hey Jimmy, you're a great inspiration for giving it away, you're always generous with your time and advice, whether to fishermen or recovering alcoholics. :HappyWave:

February 18, 2009
Self-pity

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found
in that bitter morass of self-pity.
Quicksand stretched around me in all directions.
I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
- Bill W.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 18.

Thought to Ponder....
Self-pity is followed by isolation is followed by a drink.

I still see this as one of my biggest character defects, and one I need to work more intensely on this year. Like many other recovering alcoholics and addicts, my family is extremely dysfunctional. I have helped some family members in their darkest times, only to get slapped in the face in return. Greed and selfishness prevent some people in my family from growing up, and I have to accept this will never change.

So this bothers me, and I talk about it too much sometimes, I am asking my AA/NA brothers and sisters, and anyone else who knows me and reads this, to please help me if you can. If you ever get into a conversation with me, and I start ranting about family issues, please stop me and remind me about self-pity. Thanks!

I'm getting better at putting these issues out of my mind, it's best to focus on the here and now, and positive stuff. But I still need to be made aware when I start ranting. That's one of the reasons I have a problem dealing with selfish people in all walks of life. It reminds me of my family.

Anyway, today's rant is over. I feel better havinng got it out. There are too many more important things to focus on.

And to any lurkers out there who may read this, if you're having similar problems with family or friends, remember that there is always someone out there who has it a lot worse than you.

Lose your job? Someone is losing their home today. Lose your home? Someone is losing their life today from illness. Lose a girlfriend, or get divorced? Maybe your new path will be more rewarding, give it time. Lost the loyalty of your friends? Find new friends!

Self-pity gets us nowhere. There is always a way out of the misery and despair we sometimes find ourselves in. We just have to be open enough to want to seek it out. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

jonthepain

02-18-2009, 08:13 AM

Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself, images of my prisoners loom up in my head, from when I was a Corrections Officer.

DarkSkies

02-19-2009, 06:52 AM

Amen, Jon. No matter how bad we think our lives are, theres always someone in a worse position than us.

February 19, 2009

Readjustment

Life is God's good gift to me. I must cooperate with it to live it,
which means constant readjustment
and the throwing out of phoney fancies as to how I might manage it
by the thankful sharing of all honest thinking with my fellows.
Living means growing which is not without pain but which, I believe,
is what we are together for now. . .
Living needs practicing, which is what God is giving me the grace to do.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, October 1958, Vol. 15 No. 5. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

What I am is God's gift to me. What I make of myself is my gift to Him.

I like the above because it deals with the reality of life. We all need to grow as people to have better experiences. I think that transcends being an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic or addict allows us to focus on it as part of our recovery program, and for that we're fortunate. Periodic re-adjustment of our values and outlook on life is important. An adaptable person is one who can survive anything.

jonthepain

02-20-2009, 01:15 PM

Took the wife to a local jazz cafe for valentine's night. very cool spot; they had a trio that played coltrane, davis, etc. from memory and were super tight.

anyway, i had a Beck's NA, which was great. i still like a beer now and then, so it's nice that they make decent NA beers now. (O'Douls is skunk if you ask me.)

I wouldn't have had one a coupla years ago, and i have friends that have many more years sober than i do and wouldn't dream of having an NA beer, but for me, it's not an issue.

DarkSkies

02-21-2009, 07:06 AM

Hey Jon, whatever works for you is cool, that's why the program works for me. We're all different. They put these things out there for us to follow, if it works for us, we stay sober. If it doesn't work, our inner voice lets us know soon enough. Glad you and your wife had a good time for Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I are celebrating tonight. :thumbsup:

February 21, 2009

Bedevilments

We were having trouble with personal relationships,
we couldn't control our emotional natures,
we were a prey to misery and depression,
we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness,
we were full of fear, we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people --
was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important ... ?

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 52.

Thought to Ponder....

Eighty per cent of the solution is a well-defined problem.

The above rings true. In my addiction, I had all of the above problems. Things would run smoothly for awhile, but soon enough I would tend to screw up. It was impossible for me not to screw up. I still make mistakes now, but they may be mistakes in judgement, or other things, that can be corrected and learned from.

DarkSkies

02-22-2009, 08:03 AM

February22, 2009

Walk In Dry Places

Staying on course___Power in purpose

When riding in an airplane on automatic pilot, I marvel at the way the aircraft stays on course even while bouncing and shaking through pockets of turbulence. Even more significant is the pilot's calm indifference to these minor movements as he checks occasionally to make sure the plane continues on the right course.

Many things that happen to us each day are no more important than the routine turbulence and aircraft encounters. But as sick, compulsive people, we sometimes view every disturbance as a terrible storm and become panicky or enraged over things that are of little consequence in the long run. "I could accept a major calamity, but a broken fingernail ruined my day," one speaker said at an AA meeting.

We can set our lives on "automatic pilot" by choosing continuing recovery as our major goal and letting all things fall in line with that. The turbulence of ordinary living cannot deflect us from our true course if we calmly accept it as natural, unavoidable, and non-threatening. Even if a real storm blows up and gives us anxious moments, we can stay on the recovery course we have chosen.

Disappointments and annoyances are part of the human condition. I will be cheerful and optimistic today even if I am bounced around a bit. There is within me an automatic pilot, through which my Higher Power leads me to continued recovery and true fulfillment as a person.

I can identify with that. I grew up with such dysfunctionality that a major crisis is normal to me. If people all around me are dying and screaming, I can be the one to help find a solution. The more extreme the crisis is, the better I am at helping others manage a way out of it.

I had the above stuff happen to me yesterday. Was supposed to hit a couple of shows for Joe, it didn't work out that way. I had stuff I had to take care of in the morning daylight. Then I had to deal with a starter that wouldn't start on my truck. All these became part of a conspiracy to throw me off my focus. :burn:

The best thing I learned in times like that is that you must be flexible. You should always have a plan B, C and maybe even D for any situation. I do that for fishing, so why not my life?

Unfortunately, it wasn't working out for me that way yesterday. I got to th show late with a chip on my shoulder. Man, was I a crabass! I had also been crabby earlier with my girlfriend because of a small mistake she made. She didn't deserve my crabiness. I could have handled it better, and I didn't. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif

Talking to another guy in the parking lot helped calm me down a little. He was late himself, and walking around looking for the location on a big college campus. I stopped a police car to ask directions for both of us. As the other lost guy continued on his way in a hurry, he pointed out an empty parking spot. He didn't know me, but appreciated that I flagged down a cop so we could both get where we were going.

Acts of kindness by strangers. Sometimes it's the littlest thing that can help to re-align your day back on the right path. Try to remember that when you meet strangers out there. These petty differences and disappointments are petty, we should not let them ruin our day.

This also happens with fishermen because of our big egos. So many times I meet a different group of fishermen, and they say: "I don't like or fish with ____ because he said this, or he disrespected my friend, etc." I'll fish with anyone who loves to fish, as long as they're not a danger to other people. Their politics or beliefs don't matter to me, What matters is if they love to fish.

My ego gets in the way sometimes with other people, the same way other people let their egos get in the way of just going out there and having a good time in God's playground, the oceans, lakes and rivers where we love to be. Having a conversation with another friend at the show, I realized that this petty stuff is sad, and our egos let us waste a lot of time being petty. Let's fish!!! :D

jimmy z

02-22-2009, 08:55 AM

A good one. I call them outside influences, or a loss of focus. Yes they can be distracting. Most I encounter, not with myself but with others, are the illnesses, or infirmities. I look at these as just being there, but I don't claim them as my own. Meaning, that with an ailment, it is just here, but not part of me, and it will pass. I can't let that ailment, illness or infirmity change my thinking or focus on my recovery. :)

CharlieTuna

02-23-2009, 11:54 AM

February22, 2009

Walk In Dry Places

Man, was I a crabass! I had also been crabby earlier with my girlfriend because of a small mistake she made. She didn't deserve my crabiness. I could have handled it better, and I didn't. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif

Always think twice before you get crabby :argue:with the girls, they are the ones who pack our lunches when going out to the surf. I hope you gave her a big :kiss:and told her you were sorry.

DarkSkies

02-24-2009, 07:05 AM

Always think twice before you get crabby :argue:with the girls, they are the ones who pack our lunches when going out to the surf. I hope you gave her a big :kiss:and told her you were sorry.

Yup I did Charlie, and you're right, where would we be without them? Knowing when to say sorry smooths out a lot of rough spots in life. :thumbsup:

February 24, 2009

Adventure

If you're new, get in the car and come along for the ride.
If you want to stare at the floor it's okay.
Those first days and weeks are painful. It hurts. It's frightening.
It's lonely at times but you don't have to go through it twice.
And slowly but surely you'll be looking out the window too
and seeing the changes around you and in you,
and you'll be part of the most incredible adventure of your lifetime.
You'll come to believe that the destination we are traveling to isn't important,
that the joy is in the journey. You won't have to go through it alone.

Thought to Ponder....

The joy is in the journey, so enjoy the ride.

Becoming sober has been an adventure for me. Some times were rocky, but I wouldn't have it any other way. The ability to experience life and remember what happened yesterday. I remember seeing the greatest bands of my generation when I was growing up. I was lucky. Unfortunately, the actual memories are hazy because I was so drunk or high at each concert I went to. I got kicked out of more than a few, and almost arrested, because of my behavior. Now I can remember this stuff on my own, except when my CRS syndrome kicks in. :laugh: I don't have to have someone else relate to me how I behaved the night before.

DarkSkies

02-25-2009, 09:49 AM

February 25, 2009

H.A.L.T.

"Don't become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired."
My use of "H-A-L-T" is possible only because of the awarenesses I receive
through the use of the Twelve Steps.
They remain the hub on my wheel of sobriety.
I am trying very hard to use them better and better. . .
Although my main goal is staying sober and alive today,
I do recognize that my happiness with God, myself, and life
has been the result of a consistent application of the Steps.
To them, I can never call a halt.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, January 1982, Vol. 38 No. 9. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

Life is a steady drizzle of small things -- carry an umbrella.

The HALT thing is something that I think should extend beyond alcoholics and addicts, we shouldn't keep it to ourselves. For anyone out there who has a bad day or feels dragged down by things beyond your control, sometimes your problem can be minimized. If we look at the things halt stands for, and address them, suddenly the path in front of us is clear, like after a storm. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

jonthepain

02-27-2009, 08:26 AM

... we put our whole
drink problem into the hands of God. We turned the whole
thing over to that Power greater than ourselves. And we
have nothing more to do about it, except to trust God to
take care of the problem for us.

that's how it worked for me. Praise God.

Going on vacation tomorrow. See ya in a week!

jon

DarkSkies

02-28-2009, 09:23 AM

Going on vacation tomorrow. See ya in a week!
jon

Jon, I hope you enjoy the vacation with your family, more precious than anything else. Here's hoping for good weather for you all. :HappyWave:

February 28, 2009

Resentments

We need to take resentments very seriously.
More than anything else,
they can lead to relapse
and all forms of spiritual illness.
To live a happy, productive and sober life,
we must free ourselves of our resentments.
(Anonymous)

(Big Book, pp. 64-66)

Thought to Ponder....

When one door closes, another door opens
and God will never give me more in a 24 period than I can handle for that day.

This is a great topic because it's something I come across every day. The other night I got involved in a dispute a very drunk neighbor caused. There was no way out because it spilled onto my property. I'm surprised the police weren't called. In the course of sorting things out, after things had calmed down, the drunk guy started talking some crap to me. This pushed my buttons because I've been a good neighbor, and the guy threw one insult after another.

I tried to deal with it rationally, when I had an impulse to pick up the guy and throw him. Realizing you can't argue with a drunk, I did some other work, and talked to him later. I've known him for too many years, no sence in ruining a relationship. He ain't gonna change, and I have no control over that. Se we talked it out, and he fell over himself apoligizing about the insults. I'm glad I don't drink anymore.

Then, I got a call from someone who is a user of people, asking for more advice, wanting me to be the psychiatrist to listen to his problems. I resent that because it's not a two way street. I've asked this guy for help at least a dozen times, and he can't be bothered. :2flip:I've known this guy for a long time, and he seemed like he was at the end of his rope.

So I gave him an ear for a few minutes, instead of doing some of the work I planned to do. After the conversation was over, I realized I have too many dysfunctional people in my life, but that's how it is for now. I resolve to devote less time to helping them, they're the only ones that can help themselves.

Resentments are powerful triggers that can bring on a relapse, people.
And the most mature among us realize that we can sometimes resolve resentments.

I had another friend I tried to help dozens of times and probably talked him out of killing himself at least once. In his sobriety he's like a dry drunk, and was disrupting the meetiing the other week with side conversations. When he turned to me, I ignored him, said - "dude it's a speaker meeting, let's pay attention." He got mad, crabbed at me. Last week he called to apoligize, almost a month after it happened. :thumbsup: We have no control over the behavior or resentments of others. The best we can do is try to work on the resentments in our own lives.

Same thing in the fishin world. I'm friends with a lot of different people. Some of them hate, or are resentful of, each other. I don't care about any of that, I just want to go fishin. :fishing:

Some of this stuff I write may be boring, but I know there are others out there who have the same things going on on their lives, so I'll keep trying.

On the plus side, less than 24 hours till fishin opens in NJ! I can't wait. :wheeeee:

DarkSkies

03-03-2009, 06:27 AM

March 3, 2009

No Rules. . . Just Right

Aren’t you glad that AA has no big
rules or regulations to get and stay sober?
Thank your HP for that.
The earlier groups discovered that we in AA
could best help if we shared our collective
experience, strength and hope with the newcomer
and allow that person to decide if they are one of us.
</B>Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....
Spirituality is a powerful problem solver.

It's pretty simple if you decide that alcohol or drugs are causing problems in your life, and you want to dind a better path. Don't drink, and go to meetings. As I said yesterday, sooner or later you will decide for yourself whether you also need growth in life. But that will come at your own pace. You make the decisions on your road to recovery. :thumbsup:

Famous recovering people list:

10. Ozzy Osbourne -:clapping: man Ozzy kicking drugs was an inspiration to a lot of people.. Too bad his kids had to go through the same process, though.

DarkSkies

03-05-2009, 06:44 AM

March 5, 2009

Denial

It's often said, "Denial is a symptom
of the disease of alcoholism."
Of course, it's one thing to deny being an alcoholic
when one has never had a drink.
It's an entirely different story when one denies it
while wondering what he did during a blackout,
(or where his rent money went, how he got that black eye,
or who dented his car),
or why coffee makes him nervous in the morning,
even before he has his first cup.
This is where the alcoholic needs to be honest
and admit to what alcohol is doing to him.
Anonymous
(Big Book p.58)

Thought to Ponder....

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

The above is a great topic. In society every day around me, I see cases where peopkle deny responsibility for their actions. It seems like it's part of our culture now. Started with politicians lying on the witness stand, even when they were caught red-handed. Now some people sem to think it's an acceptable way of our life.

I think we all tend to minimize the seriousness of something that bothers us sometimes, me included. Eventually it's time to get honest and face our behavior. It's a necessary part of recovery. Without doing it, we remain stuck in "stinkin thinkin". http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.gif

DarkSkies

03-07-2009, 07:00 AM

A Selfish Program

AA is often referred to as a selfish program,
but it has nothing to do with being selfish in the traditional sense.
In its original and most common usage it means
that when we help others we are, in reality, helping ourselves.
This is true of sponsorship and all manner of Twelve Step work,
from making coffee, setting up meeting halls and cleaning ashtrays
to chairing and leading meetings and all the other service positions.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

One of Dr. Bob's favorite quotes was, "Faith without works is dead."

This is good to think of because it allows us to focus our energies on something other than drinking or getting high. Helping others also allows us to identify with people and see that we have the same universal types of problems. This isn't always possible when we're drinking ourselves to a stupor, and isolating away from most people.

One thing that I noticed looking at this today is we have over 1000 views for this little insignificant thread, so maybe it's not so insignificant after all. It might be embarassing to put details of your life on the web if you're a recovering alcoholic or addict. What will people think of me if they know that? I'm long past that stage, people who are in my life know all the struggles I've gone through. I don't mind breaking anonymity if there's a chance it may help someone. So I try to put up a post here every day, glad it seems some people have an interest. If anyone is a little apprehensive about the anonymity thing, you can always contact me privately through e-mail if ya need further advice, or maybe are looking to figure which meeting to check out. All contact is as anonymous and confidential as you want it to be.

I keep what I have by giving it away.

mick2360

03-07-2009, 08:55 PM

Helping others is the antidote to the extreme self centered nature of most addicts and alcoholics. Of course, when we are active, we really don't trust our ability to connect with others. Stepping away from our chemical binkies is tough. I know I was deathly afraid of a life without alcohol. I wasn't thinking it was for me when, after trying to quit on my own (Waking up sick, trying to shower off the booze smell, having a small nip to kill the shakes, lying to cover the extent of my drinking and drugging) I started going to meetings. It was hard to ask for help but it got easier almost immediately.

For those who don't know dark, he is a truly good guy, one of the best I know. Ask for help and you will get it. Just be warned, there is no such thing as a short conversation. :HappyWave:

Dark, It's been too long. I'll buy you breakfast. And don't try reaching for the check brother, you gotta accept good things from others. Walk the walk! :kiss:

DarkSkies

03-07-2009, 09:13 PM

It was hard to ask for help but it got easier almost immediately.

For those who don't know dark, he is a truly good guy, one of the best I know. Ask for help and you will get it. Just be warned, there is no such thing as a short conversation. :HappyWave:

Dark, It's been too long. I'll buy you breakfast. And don't try reaching for the check brother, you gotta accept good things from others. Walk the walk! :kiss:

Aw shucks Mick my brother, yer embarassin me now! ;) I'm just a guy who knows how to talk, (sometimes I'll listen, even at 3am) :D, and has a lot of experience with dysfunctional people, so nothin phases me.

It's still hard for me to ask for help, Mick, but you're right, if you ask, and you're sincere about wanting help, you will get it. If you're askin and it doesn't happen, pray on it and ask somewhere else. Good to hear from ya, man! :HappyWave:

On a side note, anyone that's into prayin, please pray for JimmyZ. I can't say why, ask him if ya want, and he'll tell ya. But I can ask for some to pray for him. He's one of the most spiritual and generous guys I know, and someone whose sprituality inspires me to be a better person. And he needs some extra prayers now, please put him in your prayers. :thumbsup:

DarkSkies

03-11-2009, 09:15 AM

March 11, 2009

Freedom

The Big Book promises that I am going to know a new freedom
and a new happiness,
that I will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it,
and that I will comprehend the word serenity and will know peace.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

The peaks and valleys of my life have become gentle rolling hills.

I agree with the above for the most part, but wanted to add my perspective in there. I'm a person who would have peaks and valleys in his life anyway without all the addictions mixed in. There has been a change in my life that no matter how bad things get, they can be faced and you can overcome obstacles.

I don't want people to get the impression that it's easy. Somtimes it's damn hard, and moving forward seems frikkin impossible. :burn: It's easy to get frustrated, but that's where the tools of sobriety come in. It ain't no big deal to have a great sobriety when all is well, and you're coasting.

The true test is how you weather the storms that will come your way.

How do we weather storms without drinking, you may ask? :D Pick up the phone, reach out to a friend or sponsor. Be willing to honestly talk about what's bothering you, and be willing to listen to direction from others. Go to a meeting, reach out for advice. Reach out to fellow lost souls in the program and help them if you can.

And above all, take your medicine by doing the step work, and improve your conscious contact with your higher power, whether it's God, or the people around you. I know it sucks to have to work on yourself and your character defects. I don't always do what I'm supposed tyo do either, I have many of my own flaws and faults that I'm still workin on.

But just for today, I have the tools I need to get out of the depths of despair. I have the choice to sit in my own crap and feel bad, or to make my life better. I'm grateful I have these tools, otherwise I feel I would repeat the same old patterns of the past. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

03-11-2009, 02:55 PM

How do we weather storms without drinking, you may ask?

Have friends pray for me.

ps the good news is, just got back from vacation:
(this is one of the beaches where we went swimming and snorkeling:)
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/TrunkBay2.jpg

bad news is, 4 people laid off while I was gone, and the boss told me that I'm next.

mick2360

03-11-2009, 09:38 PM

Jon, I'm second to go on our list. Not a good place to be but as we know....first things first. I've taken the basic precautions, keeping my eye open for other opportunities and paying off debt like mad. I survived drinking and lost a lot in my career prior to getting sober. Unemployment would be a trial but it's a trial I'm going to face without a drink.

Do what you can each day, prepare for the worst but expect the best. You know the drill! :)

DarkSkies

03-11-2009, 10:01 PM

Jon, I'm sorry to hear that, man. I don't see this economy getting better for at least a year, I hope the axe doesn't fall on you. Right now, I'm living on a tight budget, and spending less dough than a Scottish preacher. ;) The only industries where things seem secure are some health care jobs and federal gov't jobs, otherwise everyone's on edge. I hope things get better for all our sakes. Call me anytime, sent ya a pm.

katiefishes

03-12-2009, 09:10 AM

I had a hard time thinking about the above reading today, it's something I still have trouble with. I have little tolerance for idiots or selfish people. I know I can do better, because I have been the idiot sometimes, and would hope people would be tolerant of me. ;) Tolerance is something I constantly fail at, and try again to do better. Work in progress.

It is difficult for everyone to be tolerant of selfish people. However, I think we are all selfish in some way.

I lack kindness to my family when I am stressed out and short tempered with them. I am only thinking of my immediate needs, which makes me selfish.

I think people who are always running late are selfish. They lack the ability to see that they are effecting other people which makes them selfish. In my opinion anyone who puts their needs above others could be selfish, whether it be fun time or work.

Dark, we all need to work on being less selfish and tolerant of others. All we can do is try our best and set good examples for others.

DarkSkies

03-13-2009, 06:20 AM

I think people who are always running late are selfish. They lack the ability to see that they are effecting other people which makes them selfish. In my opinion anyone who puts their needs above others could be selfish, whether it be fun time or work.

Dark, we all need to work on being less selfish and tolerant of others. All we can do is try our best and set good examples for others.

Well said, Katie. :thumbsup:

March 13, 2009

Hope

Hope is the true gift of the program.
I have hope that things will get better in my life as long as I stay sober.
I have hope that I can get through any difficulty sober,
with the hope that you people give to me.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.

In my darkest hours, when I'm ready to give up or want to close my eyes and not open them again, I think of the gifts the program has given me, the people who I can call anytime, and the new chances I have been given to live life again. This gives me hope, and I know I must go on for another day, and toimorrow will be better.

These pics are for JimmyZ and some others here. Something I snapped on a truck on the way down to Maryland. Lets you know that BillW and God show up in all the unexpected places. :cool:

5667

5668

Here's something JimmyZ sent me. Normally I like the idea where each person decides what is good for them in terms of religion, but I have seen people go through some tough times lately. Religion and a belief in God can help smooth out the rough spots:

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

jonthepain

03-19-2009, 08:58 AM

i'm more concerned with telling the old stories as if they were just funny stories and not stuff to be ashamed of.

DarkSkies

03-20-2009, 05:31 PM

i'm more concerned with telling the old stories as if they were just funny stories and not stuff to be ashamed of.

Well I guess you and I have lots of funny stories then, Jon. :wheeeee:

March 20, 2009

An Open Gate

The Fellowship of AA has said that no matter what was out there,
they would stand by me and help me through.
More importantly, a Higher Power of my own understanding
would be there with me,
and they could show me the way to tap into that power.
They were holding that gate open,
but I was going to have to take the action and step across.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

The power within me is far greater than any fear before me.

When I first started going to meetings, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that people were willing to help, and asked nothing in return. What was the catch, why would they want to help a stranger? There is no catch, it's genuine. I think we all come to realize this in our own time. I'm grateful fot tthe AA/NA fellowships and the people who have reached out to me. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

03-21-2009, 09:39 AM

DarkSkies

03-21-2009, 10:54 AM

re: funny stories

i guess what i meant was, i don't want them to sound like just funny stories,

sometimes i catch myself telling them, like bragging, or that it was ok, or something. do you know what i mean? i don't want people, or especially my older kids, to think that they are 'good old days' stories.

most of them are funny, yes, but have a touch of the pathetic about them.

:thumbsup: I do the same thing man, especially when trying to talk to kids about the dangers of alcohol and addiction. When your talk reaches the levels that you're preaching, you lose the message because it turns people off. So humor is a great attention getter. I have tons of embarassing stories that involve me and alcohol or drugs. I don's mind people laughing at my expense if I can also subtly get my point across. You're right, we have to be careful that the war stories don't reach the level of bragging. I think it naturally just happens sometimes.

March 21, 2009

Procrastination

I wanted to rest on my laurels after my first attempt at making amends.
I was relieved, and thought my task was finished.
I was tempted to skip the more humiliating meetings that still remained,
and to find plausible excuses for dodging certain issues.
I wanted to procrastinate, telling myself the time is not yet,
but I was really passing up many good chances to right serious wrongs.
In AA, I've learned not to talk prudence while practicing evasion.

Thought to Ponder....

Procrastination is really sloth in five syllables.

I can identify with this real well. I'm one of the best procrastinators I know, I'm very good at it. When I tell people this they act surprised. They say: That's not possible, you're always running around, you never sit still, so much energy, getting things done, how could YOU be a procrastinator?? :huh:

The answer is I do what I HAVE to get done, I've always been very responsible and self-reliant. I push like a maniac to make deadlines, even when they're self-imposed.

When it somes to doing what I NEED to do for my sobriety, I'm a slacker. I'm a procrastinator.

I work the steps as I know them, I've been doing this s long time, so it's pretty easy to remember. However, I backslide a lot by not working on my personal growth and spirituality. I convince myself that I'm too busy doing work, or I can't make that meeting tonight because I'm shot. And I am shot sometimes, sometimes I'm so tired that I literally to go to bed on the floor at 8pm, or pull my truck over in a parking lot somewhere to sleep for a few hours.

I know that this thread helps others, but it also keeps me in contact with the principles & traditions, and I feel it helps me have a better sober outlook. For a long time I stopped going to meetings because I have quite a few years clean, and convinced myself that I could skip them.

So I started trying to make a committment to go Friday nights, I figured I could at least make it once a week. I was doing ok on that for awhile, but I let work and other responsibilities get in the way, I've been slacking off there too.

I've been around this program long enough to know better. A lot of people say to me: Rich you have so many years, good for you, seems like you're finally cured and have that monkey off your back.

The second I start buying into that, I'm dead, or will be soon. I have seen too many people long-time program members go back out and end up dead, or almost. I don't want that complacent attitude to get me as well, so I know I have to try harder. When I cut corners, I also shortchange my family and loved ones because my attitude isn't so great. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon9.gif

If I can try my best in work and other things, there's no excuse for me not to try harder to keep what I have been given. Sobriety is a gift, not necessarily a "right" if you are an an alcoholic, because it's about the choices we make.

Man that was long-winded! ;) Don't know if I helped anyone else by writing that, but just for today, I helped me. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

03-23-2009, 08:44 AM

...you have so many years, good for you, seems like you're finally cured...

yeah whenever I think that, it means that something is going to happen (or not happen) that will cause me to want to go pound a 12 pack.

Sometimes when that happens a verse from Proverbs will come to me:

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly. Proverbs 26:11

Hows that for a word picture?

not preaching, just saying how it works for me.

DarkSkies

03-23-2009, 08:51 AM

Originally Posted by Solomon
As a dog returneth to his vomit, [so] a fool returneth to his folly.

Proverbs 26:11

Yeah, Jon, that explains it pretty graphically, for those uf us that have a hard time getting it through our think heads. :embarassed: :D Good post.:thumbsup:

March 23, 2009

Trading

I traded dependence on puny self for dependence on God.
I traded resentment for understanding, fear for trust, selfishness for love.
I traded dissatisfaction for hope, dishonesty for truth.
I traded retaliation for amendment, taking for giving.
I traded sectarian bigotry for tolerance.
Sobriety has become for me an all-inclusive term.
It means everything from not taking the first drink
to enjoying the present twenty-four hours.

Thought to Ponder....When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

If you think about it, all the behaviors highlighted above are ones that take up too much of our time, whether we are alcoholics or not, They're obstaclles on the road to personal growth. Life is smoother when you try to go around them or replace them with more positive ones.:thumbsup:

DarkSkies

03-27-2009, 02:13 PM

March 27, 2009

Belonging

They say that alcoholism is a disease of isolation,
and for me, that was very true.
I was filled with fear of the outside world.
When I joined AA, I was relieved to find a supportive family
and a life I rejoice in -- one day at a time.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives.

This is a good point for me to look at. In my addiction I isolated myself, I would sometimes have people around, but I was most happy when I was by myself in my own little world getting high.

Some of those parallels can be drawn also toward fishin. Most of the guys I know who fish at night, fish alone. You might bump into a friend or two here or there, but it's not a social thing for me. For most people who meet me in person or are unlucky enough to talk to me on the phone, :laugh: they know I talk a lot. Wehn fishin, it's different, it's like being in a library or a church. The talk only involved, "hey, fish on", or "hey, let's hit another spot".

When I go out into bad or nasty weather, I go out to catch fish and try to beat my personal best. I fish alone most of the time. I was talkin to a friend the other day. He has a new fishin buddy, the guy tags along everywhere, and plans the fishin excursions like it's a date. That seems weird to me, I told him he's gotta stand up and speak up sooner or later.

That gets us back to the isolation part. Do I isolate myself when fishin because I like the solitude, or is that where I'm comfortable as part of my addiction, which has now translated to fishin? Hey, you can't get locked up for fishin too much, can you? :don't know why:

I know for me, I have to be careful not to isolate myself too much or it's like I was in the old days. I have another friend who always surrounded himself with people because he was uncomfortable being alone. That's the other extreme. So this year I made a committment I will fish with more people, try to be more sociable, to a point. ;) We'll see how it works out.

katiefishes

03-27-2009, 05:18 PM

Sometimes I think Isolation is the root of many evils.

I was spending some down time searching the web and I came across this letter. Hopefully it can help someone see themselves and inspire them to seek the help they need.

Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls and text messages: While I agree with you that
communication is important, I question the suggestion that any
conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night .

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips [ washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries ]? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unaccep table My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken [ water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin ] prior to going to sleep/passing out [ face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever . The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion then I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. [ pre happy hour ] on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your Biggest Fan

P.S. Please take a moment or two and note the following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

DarkSkies

03-28-2009, 08:47 AM

:laugh::clapping::clapping::thumbsup::thumbsup: Katie, you hit that right on the money, some of those things bring me back, keep my memory green. Unfortunately, I'm still clumsy sometimes, not as bad as when I was drinkin though. Good post. :thumbsup:

March 28, 2009

Discipline

Instead of holding on, I was told to let go.
Instead of using self-control, I was encouraged to turn my life and my will
over to a God of my own understanding.
I'm beginning to understand.
The renewal of discipline is a process that I must set in motion every day.
AA is teaching me to wade through grief, and to take steps of joy
through this powerful gift.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

The more I let go, the more powerful I feel.

This is tough for me because I'm type A all the way. When I first came into the program, I heard "Let go and let God". What kind of mind games is that? Let God? Is he gonna come down on a tractor beam of light and make your life better? ***? :kooky:

Then I gradually began to see, with the examples of others, that it wasn't that bad. It was more about letting go what you have no control over, and focusing your energies on the rest. I figured, "Hey I can at least try that", and here I am today.

mick2360

03-29-2009, 08:31 AM

A couple of things struck me in the last couple of entries. Katie's observation about isolation was spot on for me. Like a lot of alcoholics, I had many surface relationships but few friends, except where alcohol was involved; there I was able to anesthetize myself and become a relaxed enough to be around people.
What started out as a way to relax and have fun soon turned into an addiction for me, although I believe I was hooked the first time I got drunk; I felt relaxed for the first time in my life. I chased that for twenty plus years.

Secondly, the idea of a fresh start everyday has been critical to my ability to recover. Decades of drinking had allowed me to leave a trail of wrecked relationships, carelessly handled opportunities and disappointments in my wake. There ares till times when I grieve some careless action and cringe when I think of the impact that i had on others but I was taught to keep my thoughts focused on today and to do the best that I can with it.

Hey alcohol, :2flip:

DarkSkies

03-30-2009, 10:30 PM

mick2360

04-01-2009, 06:41 AM

Woke up when I was ready. No headache, no shakes, no sickness. After fifteen years, it is still a miracle to me that I can hold a coffee cup without my hand shaking, spilling the damn stuff all over. I need to remember how bad things got for me so that I can be prepared when the thought of the 'good times' rolls into my head. There were many, many times when I 'intended' only a drink or two and ended up closing the bar. There is no such thing as one drink for me. There is no such thing as a social drink. My addiction tells me it is possible, that i have learned with the passing of the years. But experience tells me that if I want mornings like this, alcohol cannot be a part of my life period.

Holding my coffee with one hand. I don't spill a drop. A small thing for some, for me, I have climbed Everest.

Thanks for listening. :HappyWave:

jonthepain

04-01-2009, 08:36 AM

There were many, many times when I 'intended' only a drink or two and ended up closing the bar.

Wow I had forgotten about that. I'd stop in just before lunch (sometimes just before work) for a "quick one" and before I knew it, it was 2am, time to go home. Blowing off all my responsibilities yet another day.

Thanks for reminding me. I've truly got a lot to be thankful for.

DarkSkies

04-03-2009, 10:11 AM

April 3, 2009

Forgiving

If we are sorry for what we have done,
and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things,
we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson.
If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others,
we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing.
These are facts out of our experience.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 70.

Thought to Ponder....

The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.

"Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
Theres still time to change the road youre on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it wont go
In case you dont know,
The pipers calling you to join him,"

Any Led Zep fans here? :D I read the above and thought of those lines. We always have at least 2 paths we can take in life. It's up to us to decide. Some food for thought.. if we want to be forgiven we need to learn how to forgive others as well. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

04-07-2009, 08:21 AM

the wife and I started volunteering at the local girl's prison last night. we are leading a bible study.

so of course we told them a little bit about ourselves - my wife was locked up for a time when she was their age (they are mostly 15 and 16 in the pod where we were at.) so i told them that i am a recovering alcoholic, and will have 5 yrs sober this coming June 1. and they all applauded - which i was not prepared for. is that something you all do in groups or meetings or something? anyway i was kind of embarassed.

so a lot of the girls are recovering addicts (yeah me too but i didn't share that right off the bat) but the one girl cracked us up cuz she said,

"I'm a recovering criminal."

DarkSkies

04-07-2009, 09:47 AM

"Recovering criminal", I love it! :clapping::laugh: Yeah I guess you could put me in that category too. We all did some pretty bad stuff back in the day. The worst of if is usually the stuff you do to yourself.

And Jon, the clapping thing is a little addictive as well. Hit an anniversary meeting sometime where they're celebrating anniversaries. So much clapping your ears hurt. :scared:

It's good to have people recognize the positive things we do in our sobriety.

April 7, 2009

Transformation

Our eyes begin to open to the immense values
which have come straight out of painful ego-puncturing.
Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running
from pain and problems.
Escape via the bottle was always our solution.
Then in AA, we looked and listened.
Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility
into priceless assets.
-As Bill Sees It, p. 156

Thought to Ponder....

Learn to listen; listen to learn.

That's why God gave ya 2 ears and one mouth. Listening is a way to learn and grow. :thumbsup:

jonthepain

04-07-2009, 12:55 PM

That's why God gave ya 2 ears and one mouth.

ha that's great. i'm gonna hafta remember that.

jonthepain

04-09-2009, 10:22 AM

the spanking was in reference to bill w's comment on punishment. re: dental students - as if

today's reading and bill's reference to a person with a magic wand reminded me of one of the gals in our prison group - she said that she really admires her counselor cuz she tells her stuff that she doesn't necessarily want to hear, and that it makes her mad for a few days, but eventually she really appreciates the truthfulness.

i have a friend who pisses me off occasionally cuz he tells me stuff that i need to hear. eventually i get over it.

it's rare to find someone that cares enough about you to tell you stuff that they know may jeopardize your relationship but that you need to hear.

i guess the trick is, on the other end of that, is if it's absolutely needed or not. i am still working on being circumspect in what i say to people.

DarkSkies

04-10-2009, 08:38 AM

i have a friend who pisses me off occasionally cuz he tells me stuff that i need to hear. eventually i get over it.

it's rare to find someone that cares enough about you to tell you stuff that they know may jeopardize your relationship but that you need to hear.

i guess the trick is, on the other end of that, is if it's absolutely needed or not. i am still working on being circumspect in what i say to people.

Jon, I have friends like that too, we're honest with each other sometimes the truth hurts.

What I've learned as I get older is there is a way to deliver the truth without brutal honesty. People tend to get turned off to the message if they feel it's coming across as criticism. In the end, though, I would rather hear someone's truthful opinion than excuses, maybe that's just me. :don't know why:

DarkSkies

04-10-2009, 09:15 AM

I'm putting this here because I don't know where else to put it:

This week I went to a funeral of a guy I got to know, a decorated soldier who fought in the war. He had diabetes issues his whole life, and supposedly had it under control. However, in the end, the complications from diabetes and congestive heart failure did him in. I'm titling this post "Face of Death" because sometimes you can't see death. If you were to visit this guy, you would just think he was old, and that he was struggling.

Maybe you would go home, and say: "He's not that bad, I'll get back to visit him in a month or 2, when I have the time.

And then the family, wife, parents, job, kids, or whatever pressures we're facing take over. We're too busy, the kids have soccer practice, we gotta go fishin and make that night bite, etc, etc.

And then we get the news that the person has died. We didn't get to visit them that one last time, because we didn't know. Of course, if we knew their death was imminent, we would have made visiting them a priority, wouldn't we??

There's another guy I know, we'll call him Jim. I already knew a lotta plumbing things when I met him, but I'm never too prideful to take lessons from someone. Jim knew all the plumbing tricks to make a job go quicker and more efficiently. The truth was he didn't like to work, he would rather party, smoke, and fish. He's a good fisherman, and we would spend hours talking about what was being caught out there in the fishing world.

Unfortunately, Jim was a selfish guy, only thought of himself, had 2 failed marriages and always dodged his child support obligations. Any money he made, he spent on fishin and indulging himself. Weed, beer, all the sugar snacks a diabetic on dialysis could handle, stuff like that. :rolleyes:

It's kinda hard to feel sorry for a guy like Jim, and as a result he has no one to visit him in the hospital as he now is slowly dying from diabetes before his 50th birthday, other than his Mom and one or 2 others. He lived a life of selfishness, and now sits in selfish loneliness.

How this ties into my theme? I went to see him the other day. I will be seing him more because I know he's dying, and I do feel sorry for him. Maybe he doesn't deserve it, but I have a hard time with seeing people die alone, I feel the need to be around and provide some comfort.

When I saw him, I saw the face of Death.

It was clear as day to me that he will be dead soon. He's in agony from the diabetes and the amputations. They want to chop one of his legs off, but why bother if he's dying anyway?

You look at him and see Death, or at least I did. I have been around so many dying people in the last 10 years, I think you get a sense of when they won't make it.

You go in there with a smile on your face, and tell them "Hang in there buddy!!" . Meanwhile you know in your heart the're slowly sinking, but you can't let that reality out. You have to put on your game face and help them make the best of their withering days.

My point here is that with Jim, I can see very clearly (at least to me) that he's dying. I know it's only a matter of time, so I will spend more time there, until he's gone. Responsibilities, other obligations are piling up for me, but he's dying, it won't be much longer.

With others in our lives, wife, mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend, or acquaintance, we may not know if theyre sick, or when they go for a routine checkup, that they will then be putting on Death's face.

Some of you may say: Yeah, Rich, we're all dying, one day at a time! :huh:

We can't always see the face of Death, and my point is that it's good to visit the people we have put aside, or neglected to visit in our lives, before it's too late, and we say: "Yeah, if only I had known, I would have spent more time with them"

We can't know all this stuff, only God knows. So if theres someone out there in your life that you haven't seen for awhile, don't take it for granted they'll be alive in 6 months when you decide you have the time, Visit them, you'll really make a difference, and later you'll be happy you did.

Or pick up the phone, and call them, tell them you were thinking about them. The good you will do from this will be immeasurable.

Thanks for listening. :thumbsup:

mick2360

04-10-2009, 09:47 AM

Good post Rich. Losing friends and family is a part of life, a difficult one but a process that makes us examine our own life, decide what's important and, if we have the strength and character, try to do better in our day to day actions.

A couple of years ago I got very sick. My appendix blew up and ruptured without me feeling a lot of pain. If I hadn't listened to others, I would have stayed home, pulled up the covers and died of the infection. As it was, I nearly expired. As I started to get better, I talked to a guy in the next bed who ended up not making it. He was very conscious of where he was in the process. He told me, "I had a wonderful marriage and I miss my wife who died before me. I raised a fine son and have loved my grandchildren. I had a good career and many fine friends. Now I am tired and I'm ready to step off." That man is one of my heroes today.

DarkSkies

04-11-2009, 10:18 AM

^ Mick, it's good to know we have family and friends around to tell us when it's time to stand up and go to the doctor. I'm from the old school too, won't go to the doctor unlss I'm bleeding from one of my orifices. :kooky:

Sometimes you wait till that point, and it's too late. Death is part of life, and facing it makes us realize how precious life really is.

April 11, 2009

Daily Reprieve

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action
and rest on our laurels.
We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
We are not cured of alcoholism.
What we really have is a daily reprieve
contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 85.

Thought to Ponder....

Every day is a gift. That is why we call it the present.

Amen to that! A lot of people don't want to work on the spiritual side, it's too much of a hassle. It was for me too, until the hurt inside became so great I was willing to try anything to make it go away.

Anyone reading this, you don't have to work on the spiritual stuff if you don't want to. Let the pain build up inside you, like I did, before you decide. I had to learn the hard way also. Eventually you will seek a better path, all in your own time.

mick2360

04-11-2009, 11:51 AM

Amen to that! A lot of people don't want to work on the spiritual side, it's too much of a hassle. It was for me too, until the hurt inside became so great I was willing to try anything to make it go away.

Anyone reading this, you don't have to work on the spiritual stuff if you don't want to. Let the pain build up inside you, like I did, before you decide. I had to learn the hard way also. Eventually you will seek a better path, all in your own time.

Dark,
There are some good reasons for this. from the time we are small kids, we are told to suck it up and handle situations. That prescription does not usually include asking for help. Or talking about how much we hurt, are confused or just plain lost. And herein is the lure of drugs and alcohol; they give us a little respite, a little (or a lot) of numb.

I'm not sure how many people read these posts. Seems like we have a small crowd of folks that contribute and that is fine. I continue to post in order to offer a little hope. When my life was out of control and addictions had taken over, I needed some hope. And for those of you who might read this, there is hope. If I can do anything, shoot me a PM. I would be honored to hear your story. Mick

DarkSkies

04-12-2009, 08:50 AM

I'm not sure how many people read these posts. Seems like we have a small crowd of folks that contribute and that is fine. I continue to post in order to offer a little hope. When my life was out of control and addictions had taken over, I needed some hope. And for those of you who might read this, there is hope. If I can do anything, shoot me a PM. I would be honored to hear your story. Mick

At under 300 actual posts, and almost 1400 views, SOMEONE's reading this Mick, and it ain't just the Keebler elves. ;) A lot of people are shy, don't want to post their lives on the internet, that's understandable. I was that way once too. I broke my AA/NA anonymity a long time ago, and never looked back.

If some of this stuff helps other people, that would make my day. I've gotten some PMs thanking me for the thread. :thumbsup:

Sometimes I feel stupid posting every day, and I know there could be more actual responses, but people are afraid of being labeled an alcoholic or drug addict if they post here, so they don't. To me, that's kinda silly, we're just having a discusion about drinking, and some other stuff in here. All are welcome, you don't have to have a problem to jump in and make a comment. :HappyWave:

That's ok. I know with all the views this thread is getting, it's helping someone. I also know it's helping me, and keeps me centered when I can't get to a meeting. So I'm gonna keep it up as long as I'm able to type. :D

Daily Reflections

GIVING UP INSANITY

. . . where alcohol has been involved, we have been
strangely insane.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38

Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or
not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of
my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over
drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices.
When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in
any part of my life and life became unmanageable. I ask
God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of
the disease of alcoholism.

************************************************** *********

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

This sober world is a pleasant place for an alcoholic to
live in. Once you've gotten out of your alcoholic fog, you
find that the world looks good. You find real friends in
A.A. You get a job. You feel good in the morning. You eat a good breakfast and you do a good day's work at home or outside. And your family loves you and welcomes you because you're sober. Am I convinced that this sober world is a pleasant place for an alcoholic to live in?

Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. Seems to be a pretty accurate description of my life at that time. Always good to keep the memopry green.

Also wanted to wish everyone out there and their families a Happy Easter!! Hope you all get some time to spend with your families today. :HappyWave:

jonthepain

04-13-2009, 09:26 AM

Thanks Dark.

re: Insanity. Saturday I noticed my neighbor running the weed whacker. Hadn't seen him in 6 months, so I popped over to see how he is doing.

He is doing great. Has been living in an Oxford House here in NC for the past 5 months. Showed me his 24 hr and 3 month chips; he'll be getting his 6 month chip in a coupla weeks. Goes to 5-8 meetings a week.

I am glad that I have been stopping by here every day, because I was able to relate to how AA's focus on the Lord and the spiritual life have been changing him. We had an incredible spiritual talk. My wife and I have been praying for him for several years. I used to drink with him, and then I tried to help him a couple of times after the Lord took the desire to drink away from me, but I guess his time hadn't come up yet.

He had a serious anger management problem when he was drinking, (as did I, but not to the same extent,) which is why this reading really spoke to me. He told me that he felt like he was going insane because he was so focused on himself and his circumstances, and the solution was more alcohol. The alcohol always increased the "them vs. me" feelings that he had.

I can't tell you what a great blessing it is to be able to have this type conversation with my neighbor. It truly is an answer to (many years of) prayer. To be frank, eventually I thought it was hopeless.

He doesn't do the computer thing, so can you all please pray for him? That God would bless him in his sobriety? He has an awesome testimony - he has been through some nightmarish stuff - and I feel that eventually he will be able to help a lot of apparently hopeless men who have had the same issues that he has had.

Please pray for him. His name is Steve.

thanks,
jon

DarkSkies

04-13-2009, 01:55 PM

The good thing about the program, is that as long as were alive, there is hope. Some people you have to write off for awhile, efforts fail, they're not ready, etc.

Eventually, some of those people come around, either on their own or with God's help. I'm one of the least religious people I know, but God has been there time and time again for me. I'll pray for Steve, and that he continues to stay on the path. Nice to hear good news, Jon. :thumbsup:

April 13, 2009

Honesty

The biggest word for me in AA is "honesty."
I don't believe this program would work for me
if I didn't get honest with myself about everything.
Honesty is the easiest word for me to understand
because it is the exact opposite of what I've been doing all my life.
- Experience, Strength and Hope, pp. 400-401.

Thought to Ponder....

Honesty is the absence of the intent to deceive.

When you're not honest, the only person you're fooling is usually yourself.

jonthepain

04-14-2009, 08:51 AM

I'm one of the least religious people I know, but God has been there time and time again for me.

I'm not religious either. The Pharisees were religious.

DarkSkies

04-14-2009, 10:55 AM

I'm not religious either. The Pharisees were religious.

Your posts are witty, humorous, simple and to the point, Jon. Wish I knew how to do that. :laugh:

Yes there is a certain fanaticism with religious groups even today. That's why I try not to talk about religion too much here. Everyone's got their own comfortability level.

April 14, 2009

Laughter

When my AA sponsor began to laugh
and point out my self-pity and ego-feeding deceptions, I was annoyed and hurt,
but it taught me to lighten up and focus on my recovery.
I soon learned to laugh at myself
and eventually I taught those I sponsor to laugh also.
Every day I ask God to help me stop taking myself too seriously.
- Daily Reflections, p. 59

Thought to Ponder....

Smile, it's a free facelift.

That's why I love to make fun of myself and the dorky things I do. Laughter smooths out the rough spots in life, I'm glad I can laugh at myself.

jonthepain

04-14-2009, 01:48 PM

Your posts are ... simple... not by design :laugh:

I'm glad I can laugh at myself...

that makes two of us! :HappyWave:

:laugh:

DarkSkies

04-20-2009, 06:00 AM

April 20, 2009

The Journey

Words cannot begin to describe the feelings in my heart
as I sometimes ponder how much my life has changed, how far I've come,
and how much there is yet to discover.
And though I'm not sure where my journey may take me next,
I know I'll owe it to the grace of God and to three words of the Twelve Steps:
continue, improve, and practice.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 511

Thought to Ponder....

The journey is the destination.

Truer words never spoken, not only for AA life but regular life. So many of us focus on being responsible, getting ahead, and getting the material things we want. What happens if we get a heart attack, stroke, or cancer along the way, and don't make our intended "destination"? The opposite of that is what about the people who have no goals in life, are happy to drift around and are barely responsible for themselves to the extent that someone is always picking them up when they fall?

To me, there is a balance somewhere in the middle here where I need to be, less focused on the destination, and more focused on the people around me. To me, the people in our lives that we cherish are part of the journey, and I don't want to lose sight of that. :heart:

jonthepain

04-20-2009, 09:13 AM

balance

key concept right there. thanks for reminding me.

mick2360

04-21-2009, 12:57 PM

We all know how medicating difficult feelings works out, don't we? Death and suffering are one of life's perplexing issues; they also clarify that how we use our time really matters. Not getting hung up on turmoil is a huge accomplishment; acknowledge it, feel the pain, come to some understanding of it and move on. Good post, dark.

DarkSkies

04-22-2009, 07:13 AM

Death and suffering are one of life's perplexing issues; they also clarify that how we use our time really matters..

Visited another person in the hospital last night who might be dying, Mick, she has a tumor and diabetes complications, her hands and feet keep falling asleep, and they found her on the floor of her apt last week passed out from low sugar. Her pancreas is giving up and can't regulate that sugar, sometimes it's over 350. Insulin may help. All she can talk about is going back to work.

And it gets worse. She has a large tumor in her ovaries, they don't even know what's happening with that because she's not stable enough for the biopsy.

She's worked hard all her life to support her family, and now this part of her identity will probably be taken away from her. I was supposed to go fishin, but somehow this seemed more important.

I tell you it really ripped me up inside. :( When you see someone trying their hardest to make a life for themselves and their family, it seems cruel that a thing like diabetes can get in the way.

I might start educating myself on diabetes and as well as anyone else here who wants to learn. Sad disease because it doesn't kill you outright, but in extreme cases you deteriorate slowly. That's the toughest thing to watch, for me. I wish I could make this better for her, but there ain't nothing I can do except offer support.

Sorry for the sad paragraphs, but I had to vent it out there, it's really bothering me.