Life, Death.... and Your Thoughts on Everything in Between..... [Archive]

DarkSkies

01-29-2014, 05:43 AM

A lot of my life is related to fishing....sometimes too much....as it can become an addiction......
Though not exactly fishing related, I thought this thread, can also relate to us, the fishing we do, and the things we do when we're not working or with family......sometimes our hobbies, fishing, etc, are all we have to provide us some semblance of sanity in this crazy, unfair world we live in.....

There is a Bill W thread where we already talk about things like this.....I see that although that thread is popular, the general theme is alcohol, and how mis-use of alcohol or drugs has affected our friends and family, in life.......
http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?2318-One-Day-at-a-Time-Do-You-Know-Bill-W

I thought, in the broadest general terms, that this thread could be about anything else in life........

- Our Life and Death as we see it, our existence on this Earth....
- Our Faith, or Search for things or people/Concepts to believe in to help us get through tough times...
- Dealing with Parents or Family members/Friends who get older, and how we get through it....
- Our Concept of Life, and why it's important to get all out of life that we can......

DarkSkies

01-29-2014, 05:50 AM

Recent events have caused me to see that life can turn around on any of us, in an instant....
and the realization that the life we take for Granted, for ourselves and others, can be permanently derailed, with one small turn down the road.....causing us immense pain and suffering, as we or others we know reach the final steps of their journey on this Earth........

DarkSkies

01-29-2014, 05:59 AM

So what do we do with it...or the feelings that occur within us?

IMO a lot of us hide or avoid the feelings we are experiencing...thinking they will go away if we ignore them.....
this thread could be a place to talk about feelings of loss, impending loss, feelings of regret......or just a rant on the unfairness of it all....

It could be positive, or negative, depending on how things are going for you that day....the direction it takes, is up to you folks...
Beyond all that, I am wishing it can provide some hope and comfort, to those of us who are suffering, along with those in our lives, who are suffering......

**And help us all to see, more clearly, that life is a meal that needs to be savored, one bite at a time....but also as if it is your last meal.....
Tomorrow is never guaranteed, all we have is today........

Would be interested in hearing what others think......
and thoughts and prayers to all of us in the world, who now have parents, friends, or family who are suffering through an illness.....

ledhead36

01-29-2014, 07:27 AM

The only certain things in life are death and taxes.
Live each day like it's your last.
2 things I try to go by, everything else is gravy. My Aunt passed away from cancer last year. It's hard to watch. It also got me a little angry how they try to keep folks alive even when there is no real quality of life. All about racking the bills up for some of them drs. When its time to die you should get some dignity. I respected what Dr Kevorkian did. Too bad they put him in jail

jigfreak

01-29-2014, 08:02 AM

My Aunt passed away from cancer last year. It's hard to watch. It also got me a little angry how they try to keep folks alive even when there is no real quality of life. All about racking the bills up for some of them drs. When its time to die you should get some dignity. I respected what Dr Kevorkian did. Too bad they put him in jail

Sorry to hear that dude I feel the same way. Nowadays with medicare and the cuts there are many. They do not cut too much when it comes to keeping an old person alive so that person could have up to 1 mill of bills and still die anyway. jmo but its all about feathering the pockets. There is a certain point when it doesn't make sense to keep someone alive. Im all for dying with dignity instead of dying with drool running out your mouth.

Monty

01-29-2014, 10:02 AM

Time heals.
From my experiences, the sense of loss never leaves, but the good memories and experiences eventually balance out the sense of loss to some extent.

surfwalker

01-29-2014, 12:57 PM

Tough, tough subject, but it's there. Seems like you worry about illness/death, for yourself and those close to you 50 per cent of the time and the other 50 per cent you actually live it. Nothings easy. To make decisions on some one else life is very tough. To take some one off a machine, to see that last breath or tear flow from their face, just tough. I experienced it with my FIL. But, like Monty stated- the memories and experiences keep that individual alive within us. 'ats why I always say that my walks are done alone, but I'm never lonely.

My parents are still doing pretty good- Dad (89), Mom(87). Mom was in the hospital for awhile this year and Dad broke both his hips at different times, also this year. They can't do much around the house anymore (they still yell at me, though). I help them in any way I can. Doctor appointments, shopping, around the house stuff, whatever they need. That's how I cope with it. They were there for me and I kinda drove them crazy. I stop to see them every night, make sure all is OK. Maybe I'm selfish because it makes me feel better.

Like I said, nothings easy, you just do things, one at a time, You just accept it. I just hope that I'm around to help them until they don't need it. Life/Feelings- same thing.

surfstix1963

01-29-2014, 03:31 PM

Tough subject for sure in my moms case she knew something was wrong but felt she was interfering with her families lives and didn't say nothing until the infection got into her blood. then things became very obvious something was wrong this could have been a simple fix of a Dr. visit and antibiotics and turned into a near death experience.

We all have our lives and things to do don't give up on them you will be sorry.
We have discussed things about death. she made it very clear if a machine is keeping her alive to unplug it (I have the same views I'm not making Drs rich IMO I'm no longer living)

I'm her health care proxy so I have to make that call and although it will be tough I will respect her wishes. Fortunately they have finally gotten the infection under control after a week of some serious antibiotics. One thing I have found is family can put some major glitches in decision making. some don't want to be bothered (sad)

if they are human they will realize that it is too damn late you can't bring them back, these people are parents grand parents & they loved raised and cared for you in your life. It sickens me the way some family members react trust me I have a huge hole in my moms wall that my siblings drove me to put my fists through but that can be fixed losing my mom cannot. I also have a MIL with dementia in our home watching this everyday is very draining on a family and relationships so a little help would have been nice with my Mom.

I do believe when it is your time it is your time. all you can do is your best and nothing or nobody can play God. I leave that decision making to him. Fishing is the only thing that takes me away from my problems for awhile. so I could care less about catching - that beach or rockpile is my therapy.

bababooey

01-29-2014, 09:26 PM

DarkSkies

01-30-2014, 09:13 AM

Live each day like it's your last.
2 things I try to go by, everything else is gravy. My Aunt passed away from cancer last year. It's hard to watch. It also got me a little angry how they try to keep folks alive even when there is no real quality of life. All about racking the bills up for some of them drs. When its time to die you should get some dignity.
Good philisophy, you never know when it might be your last.....My deepest sympathies, led.

There is a certain point when it doesn't make sense to keep someone alive. Im all for dying with dignity instead of dying with drool running out your mouth.

Well said, jigfreak.
I agree with this as well. One of the Doctors took Pebbles aside, and said:
"You know, with the modern technology we have, we can keep someone alive virtually forever. The question you and your family members want to ask yourselves is what is the quality of life at that point, and if your loved one would have wanted to keep living if that were the case."

This was pretty impressive to me. We have learned a lot about the medical field advances and compassionate health care in the time he was sick. Pebbles Dr took her into a private room, and had tears coming down her face as she explained it to her. They now have specialists who deal in compassionate care...it's amazing for me to see this level of empathy from our Doctors, who throughout my childhood and young adulthood had been somewhat stoic and seemed void of emotion, in the clinical sense.

This shift in health care (maybe not in all places) was a breath of fresh air, and very re-assuring to us.
It helped us to be in a position to make informed choices, and to help him die with dignity, which was his wish.

A quick plug for Overlook Hospital in Summit, one of the most advanced stroke/neurological units in the state. We felt that at all times, her Dad's care was the best it could be. Every night when we left the hospital, they told us they would call us immediately if his condition changed so we could drive up and be with him if he got worse. They also called every morning at 7am (shift change) to let us know how the night went, and any changes in condition.

Additionally, they have a Caregivers Center, the only one in the state as of now, which is a few rooms, privacy spaces, kitchenette, and sufficient seating so that families who are going through this, can stop in, grab a cup of coffee, snack, hot chocolate, or a quick nap, as they deal with family members going through end of life ups and downs....we felt this was fantastic, and cannot say enough good words about the Overlook Health Care system.

DarkSkies

01-30-2014, 09:36 AM

I think that every day we are alive we can't discount the possibility that we could be run over by a mack truck. We could have a nagging cough go to the Dr and find out it is cancer. Living each day t the fullest is something I try. Thoughts go out to you guys who have had sick family members. I went through it with my grandpa. It hurts us all. As monty said it gets better with time. Great thread.

Well put bababooey. These weeks seeing death so prevalent in those rooms, and the grieving families that had to go through it, has caused a shift in some of my thinking. Life can change for us in a single moment. If we are not living the lives we want to live, we may want to ask ourselves "Why not?".....if someone told you tomorrow you only had 3 months to live, is there anything we would do differently?

Time heals.
From my experiences, the sense of loss never leaves, but the good memories and experiences eventually balance out the sense of loss to some extent.

That's exactly what they told us, and what the priest said in the sermon. I'll come back to this when I get a chance, but good point, Monty...very meaningful words...
:thumbsup:For some, mentioning the deceased and the memories is too painful....I get that....but for me....I like to go over stories, funny, embarrasing, or in some way amusing, that helps us to remember the person who left us......I like to do this around holidays and their birthday....some words of comfort to help us remember them....in that way....in my eyes, even though they are gone....their memories still live on......

Tough, tough subject, but it's there. Seems like you worry about illness/death, for yourself and those close to you 50 per cent of the time and the other 50 per cent you actually live it. Nothings easy. To make decisions on some one else life is very tough. To take some one off a machine, to see that last breath or tear flow from their face, just tough. I experienced it with my FIL. But, like Monty stated- the memories and experiences keep that individual alive within us. 'ats why I always say that my walks are done alone, but I'm never lonely.

My parents are still doing pretty good- Dad (89), Mom(87). Mom was in the hospital for awhile this year and Dad broke both his hips at different times, also this year. They can't do much around the house anymore (they still yell at me, though). I help them in any way I can. Doctor appointments, shopping, around the house stuff, whatever they need. That's how I cope with it. They were there for me and I kinda drove them crazy. I stop to see them every night, make sure all is OK. Maybe I'm selfish because it makes me feel better.

Like I said, nothings easy, you just do things, one at a time, You just accept it. I just hope that I'm around to help them until they don't need it. Life/Feelings- same thing.

We drove my Mom crazy as well Surfwalker....the times we took advantage of her good nature were countless....we were bad....when we were young....and in the subsequent years of my sobriety I have tried to do everything I could to make up for it.....duty and honor are now important parts of my life that didn't seem to matter as much when I was younger.....

I think we all come to these realizations at different points in our lives...one thing I find lacking in (some of) the younger generation is the impatience for dealing with the healthcare of elderly parents.....it's tough to transition yourself to help a loved one with personal needs and some embarassing tasks that once were done by themselves.....but I feel as sons or daughters, it is our duty, and obligation, just as they cleaned our diapers, and stayed up with us all night when we had 102 degree fevers.......
I have extensive experience over the years with aging folks, seniors, and have seen a lot of them warehoused in institutions with minimal visits from family...this saddens me......I realize that we all have different circumstances in life, and some are not able physically to take care of elderly parents.....and some do, until it becomes too difficult, and then make the transition to Sr Housing......

So it's all about the individual, and their situation.......
However, I salute those, like surfwalker, surfstix and others, who still feel a sense of obligation to be the primary caregivers for aging parents....it's one of the toughest things we have to deal with in our adult lives.....

DarkSkies

01-30-2014, 09:55 AM

then things became very obvious something was wrong this could have been a simple fix of a Dr. visit and antibiotics and turned into a near death experience.

We all have our lives and things to do don't give up on them you will be sorry.
We have discussed things about death. she made it very clear if a machine is keeping her alive to unplug it (I have the same views I'm not making Drs rich IMO I'm no longer living)

I'm her health care proxy so I have to make that call and although it will be tough I will respect her wishes. Fortunately they have finally gotten the infection under control after a week of some serious antibiotics. One thing I have found is family can put some major glitches in decision making. some don't want to be bothered (sad)

if they are human they will realize that it is too damn late you can't bring them back, these people are parents, grand parents & they loved raised and cared for you in your life. It sickens me the way some family members react trust me I have a huge hole in my moms wall that my siblings drove me to put my fists through but that can be fixed losing my mom cannot.

Fishing is the only thing that takes me away from my problems for awhile. so I could care less about catching - that beach or rockpile is my therapy.

All the things I highlighted I have seen or been through as well, Rich. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I know your situation has been particularly challenging......and it has had a lot of ups and downs....

2 things you mentioned should be discussed here further.....health care proxy and DNR....these are the key tools that we have in modern times to make sure the wishes of our loved ones will be followed......

1. Health Care Proxy

2. Living Will / DNR Options

I'll try to come back when I have some more time and go into them, for the benefit of those who are just learning about this process.....
If anyone else wants to help us understand their experiences in the meantime, feel free to go into detail about these or any other topics....

Thanks for all the opinions people. I know some of ya's were sharing some extremely personal stuff...but if it can help others, your words can have a great impact.......and may give some of us who are struggling with these issues some comfort.....:thumbsup:

CharlieTuna

01-30-2014, 10:51 AM

.....it's tough to transition yourself to help a loved one with personal needs and some embarassing tasks that once were done by themselves.....but I feel as sons or daughters, it is our duty, and obligation, just as they cleaned our diapers, and stayed up with us all night when we had 102 degree fevers.......

Cleaning diapers would presuppose that you were familiar with cloth diapers and the time when we actually cleaned them or exchanged with a diaper service instead of the disposables. Thought I was the only one who remembered that around here.

You make a good point. Our parents were there and invested in every part of our early lives. Changing diapers, worrying about fever, teaching us to ride bikes, etc. We should be able to make a few small sacrifices to help them in their senior years but we don't. Look at the growth of assisted living places like Sunrise as evidence that young folks feel a disconnect when it comes to taking care of the parents. The Harry Chapin song Cats in a Cradle comes to mind. We took care of my wife's parents and it was no picnic but we did it. We got a home health aide who lived in and as we lived nearby we were there before and after work. I think it should be every American's right to die as they want. If they want to exist in the home until their health fails it should be so. Unfortunately the system we have now pushes them to be institutionalized if the social worker recommends it. Then the nursing home gets the house. All that equity and all the years they have to work and save to have something, and it's down the tubes after that. Sorry for the rant have seen too many houses been given over to nursing homes lately. I must be getting old.

surfstix1963

01-31-2014, 06:21 AM

One thing I can say about DNR & Health care proxy is seriously sit down with the family,have a talk, and try to get to a logical agreement HCP is one thing DNR is playing the grim reaper with a loved ones life,

I suggest the person that has to play that role be very strong because that decision will weigh heavily on them for life.I know it will be the toughest challenge in my life.I have made it very clear to my family I will do my best but once the machines are mentioned I will pull the trigger.There are also many variables(flaws) these days in the medical system that could run up some hefty bills to keep the machine going.

One other thing I want to touch base on if your parents are elderly, is to get in touch with a lawyer and see what you need to do in order to try and keep the Gov't from taking everything they have worked for in exchange for medical bills,I believe they look back 5 years they have talked about 7 yrs.IDK if that was passed.If you are elderly I don't want to sound out of place but you should sit down with your family and discuss these issues also have an updated Will.

I have also seen certain family members that want it all (they are usually the ones that do the least) & this causes families to break up hate each other, when you should be there for each other. Having some extra cash is always good but getting it at the cost of someones life is downright disgusting to me (Gold Diggers) the money won't last very long and you will be right back at square one minus a loved one.

Family is very important to myself and my wife I have already lost my Dad,Grandfather,Grandmother,Neice and brother I've experienced death from 12 y/o when my dad died. So keep those memories because that is the only thing you will be left with that no one can take away.

bababooey

02-01-2014, 10:44 AM

Good points surfstix. You should be able to leave this world any way you want. Its important for your family to follow your wishes. Here is a guy who left exactly as he wanted to.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PuhVcP0uQyw

surfstix1963

02-01-2014, 11:17 AM

We all should be able to go the way we want to, it is our life and death we are just asking the family to complete the final trip our way.I have already made my choices I want to be cremated and my ashes spread along my favorite stretch of beach my wife and children will be throwing my last cast I don't want to be buried and have this elaborate funeral that costs a ton of money,I would rather have that money spent on the living.

DarkSkies

02-04-2014, 06:08 AM

All the things I highlighted I have seen or been through as well, Rich. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I know your situation has been particularly challenging......and it has had a lot of ups and downs....

2 things you mentioned should be discussed here further.....health care proxy and DNR....these are the key tools that we have in modern times to make sure the wishes of our loved ones will be followed......

1. Health Care Proxy

2. Living Will / DNR Options

I'll try to come back when I have some more time and go into them, for the benefit of those who are just learning about this process.....

1. Health Care Representative/Proxy - this is a good site that explains it in detail for NJ residents. Other states may have different language and requirements. Make sure you check the state you or loved one lives in for the correct one. Everyone who has parents or family getting older owes it to themselves to check this out. As surfstix said, it's a position of grave responsibility when someone chooses you as their health care rep/proxy.

http://www.state.nj.us/health/healthfacilities/documents/ltc/advance_directives.pdf

"Understandably, the subjects of death, dying and our own incapacity are difficult to discuss with
others. Nonetheless, we at the Commission feel strongly that it is especially important to discuss yourfeelings and beliefs about these subjects with those who may become responsible for making decisions for you, such as family members, friends and your physician. Advance directives provide an important writtenstatement of your wishes to others, but direct communication is the key to insuring that those wishes are clearly understood by others. Candid conversation can significantly reduce the chances of disagreements among those who care for you, may relieve your loved ones of some of the heavy burdens of decision making, and lend additional assurance that your wishes will be respected."

PROXY DIRECTIVE--(Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care)

Designation of Health Care Representative

**(there are 3 different forms mentioned, beginning with the one mentioned above. This info can be found about halfway through the PDF. Although it seems lengthy, remember that these are decisions that pertain to the end of your life, and a time when you will be unable to make these desisions for yourself. As such, clarity of your intentions is extremely important. You don't want the person who you put in charge of your life and death, to have any doubts.)

DarkSkies

02-04-2014, 06:20 AM

2. Living Will

Some good info on this:
http://www.healthynj.org/wellness/advanceddirective.html

When you start to look at it, you begin to see that the Advanced directive and Living will can be thought of as interchangable terms. The Advanced Directive I posted in the previous post is IMO one of the strongest and comprehensive legal documents you can sign to make sure your wishes are carried out.

**As mentioned, the authors of the previous PDF stressed that communication among family members is key.

**I have been involved in several of these situations so far, and can tell those who haven't, that even though the communication is clear, there is usually doubt and questioning "Am I doing the right thing here?" as you make the decision to end someone's life, or take them off a breathing tube, etc...........

Do yourself and your loved ones a favor.....get this done before it's too late....help to take this burden off their shoulders, and make sure your wishes are known clearly.....it is one of the last gifts of reassurance you can give to someone, before you leave this world.

If anyone out there has had to deal with these circumstances or has anything else to add, I think it could benefit a lot of folks if you were to share it with us...thanks. :thumbsup:

storminsteve

02-04-2014, 07:46 AM

Thanks for posting the info ds. Will be passing it on to one of my uncles who is faced with something like this.

DarkSkies

02-13-2014, 08:41 AM

I have already made my choices I want to be cremated and my ashes spread along my favorite stretch of beach my wife and children will be throwing my last cast I don't want to be buried and have this elaborate funeral that costs a ton of money,I would rather have that money spent on the living.

I agree, this is what I am doing as well.
"Dead is Dead"....is something Pebbles' father used to say......I believe when we die, our soul departs from us....hopefully going to Heaven, or another plane of existence, if that's what you believe.....what's left....our lifeless body....seems to have the most significance to the relatives and loved ones we leave behind....but if you really think about it...is just a pile of flesh and bones that will eventually turn to dust.........

Thought for today....:learn:
"Squeezing all the juice out of life, that it has to offer" :)

I mentioned this to someone the other day, because lately I have a different perspective on life....knowing that it can be snatched from us, on the turn of a dime.....I think of all the years I have been out there fishing at night....sometimes in hazardous conditions...how many times I fell and smashed the back of my head on some rocks, or fell down an embankment somewhere, fishing colder waters than I should, on a kayak....and all the close calls I have had.......

Any one of those, could have been the end of my life, or the wrong turn that I did not recover from....yet I'm still here.....
So why just live life....if not to to the fullest?

I think part of that, for many of us, is we have responsibilities, committments, to others....we sometimes get stuck in a rut....we have a job that pays the bills, and we sometimes settle for something that works....we can't always chase our dreams, every day......when we have family and life committments......this is true.......survival and bills should be a big part of life's responsibilites......

But how big a part?

What I'm suggesting here....particularly for those of us who get caught in that Mid-Winter depression, like I sometimes do....is to use that time to look at our lives.....and ask yourselves, if there are any small changes you can make that may help you on a path...to achieve at least some of your dreams?.....one day at a time.......

Monty

02-14-2014, 07:59 AM

Any one of those, could have been the end of my life, or the wrong turn that I did not recover from....yet I'm still here.....
So why just live life....if not to to the fullest?

I think part of that, for many of us, is we have responsibilities, committments, to others....we sometimes get stuck in a rut....we have a job that pays the bills, and we sometimes settle for something that works....we can't always chase our dreams, every day......when we have family and life committments......this is true.......survival and bills should be a big part of life's responsibilites......

But how big a part?

I think balance is essential

1. family
2. self
3. work

Be careful with work, it supports family.
And be careful with self, because we need to be in a "good frame of mind" for family and work.

Its not easy, no one is perfect, likely not even close to perfect.
Give each day a 100%.
And when doing things for your self, enjoy it. And if going out on rocks is your thing, you would be nuts not doing it, just be smart.

DarkSkies

02-21-2014, 10:05 AM

I think balance is essential

Its not easy, no one is perfect, likely not even close to perfect.
Give each day a 100%.
And when doing things for your self, enjoy it.

Good advice, Monty.

Pebbles and I visited the cemetery last week. That day would have been her Dad's 80th birthday. It was sad, but I'm glad we went.
I was struck by the number of young people who were buried there....some in their teens, and others in their mid-20's. We were walkinig among the graves trying to find another relative who was buried there, and the young people, the laments of family, and the glowing tributes on the headstones, were things I couldn't help noticing........

Took some pics...will try to post some of the most compelling ones (without identifying info) when I get a chance.....it really hit home, how much death can affect us and the ones we leave behind.......

A phrase..."Life is for the living" comes to mind....and another reminder that it's never too late, to try to live the live you want to live......:thumbsup:
...or to tell someone who is still living, how much they mean to you...and try to bring a smile to their day....

DarkSkies

02-27-2014, 08:38 PM

Took some pics...will try to post some of the most compelling ones (without identifying info) when I get a chance.....it really hit home, how much death can affect us and the ones we leave behind.......

A phrase..."Life is for the living" comes to mind....and another reminder that it's never too late, to try to live the live you want to live......:thumbsup:
...or to tell someone who is still living, how much they mean to you...and try to bring a smile to their day....

I'm a little behind, trying to process those pics, hopefully I can get one or 2 up in the next few days.
Remember praying for the sick is an honorable thing...visiting them before they are sick, or dying, is even more rewarding...:thumbsup:

stripercrazy

03-01-2014, 10:33 AM

We were walkinig among the graves trying to find another relative who was buried there, and the young people, the laments of family, and the glowing tributes on the headstones, were things I couldn't help noticing........

I read what you said here and it reminded me of the way we think about death. Someone e-mailed me this when my uncle died, RIP Uncle Al.

No farewell words were spoken, no time to say good-bye. You were gone before I knew it and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness and secret tears still flow, what it meant to lose you, no one will ever know.

I thought that I would miss you so, and never find my way.
And then I heard the angel say "he's with you every day."
"The sun, the moon, the wind, the stars, will forever be around,
reminding you of the love you shared, and the peace he's finally found."

Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow, I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain, I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush, I am in the graceful rush.
Of beautiful birds in circling flight, I am a star shining in the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom, I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing, I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there. I did not die !
( By Mary Frye )

DarkSkies

03-15-2014, 09:28 AM

^ Nice poem stripercrazy, thanks for sharing that. :thumbsup:

Took some pics...will try to post some of the most compelling ones (without identifying info) when I get a chance.....it really hit home, how much death can affect us and the ones we leave behind.......
A phrase..."Life is for the living" comes to mind....and another reminder that it's never too late, to try to live the live you want to live......:thumbsup:
...or to tell someone who is still living, how much they mean to you...and try to bring a smile to their day....

Some of the pics........

18082

Ebbtide......

18083

DarkSkies

04-13-2014, 09:38 AM

Another one.....
Lived your life...Brave and True...

18155

DarkSkies

10-16-2014, 07:49 AM

Spent a few hours at the hospital last night. The sister of someone I have known for 20 years is in bad shape, She has pneumonia, her lungs are filling up with fluid. She's only 61 which isn't that old. I saw her 5 years ago and she was in relatively good shape.

What I realized last night when I visited is over the years she has developed schizophrenia, and recently dementia. I thought I knew a lot about mental illness. Unfortunately I saw her so infrequently that I didn't pick up on the schizophrenia. 6 years ago she had a job working at the airport and was fairly functional. Now her life has deteriorated so much that if she recovers she will spend the rest of her life in a nursing home. :(

Several things occurred to me.........

1. When we are healthy life is good. When our health fails, many people stop caring..... or stop seeming to care.

2. Yes, it does take some effort to communicate or visit with someone who is sick, but wouldn't we want the same courtesy if we were sick? :don't know why:We are not all young, and our health is guaranteed to fail at some point.......
I feel that some of us put little effort into life or relationships, until it is too late. I have been guilty of that as well. :o

3. The point to make here, is that if someone we know starts deteriorating, and eventually dies, that relationship we had with them, before they die, is entirely up to us......
Expressing regret at not having visited them, after they die.......is pointless......and part of our human flaws.....IMO

4. The selfishness of many folks in this world becomes apparent to me daily.....I can smell a selfish user a mile away because of problems in my own dysfunctional family.....and will be making a conscious effort to divest myself from anyone in my life who I consider selfish, or a "user"....for my own peace of mind......
This means continuing to engage in whatever battles are necessary with the clueless manipulators who continue to claim there is nothing wrong with our present fisheries.... as a means to divert the truth and push their own selfish agenda. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon13.png

5. Get the hell out there....and make that effort.........you and they will feel blessed for the contact......Make no mistake about it...human contact has healing powers...but if you can't help someone....the contact will offer needed comfort and peace of mind.....

Remember....the person you are feeling (or should feel) sorry for....may one day be you. :learn: http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon3.png

I hope these words reached someone who may not have been living up to their potential in helping someone out in their lives who desperately needs it......
Thanks for reading....:HappyWave:

DarkSkies

10-18-2014, 07:29 AM

Back in the hospital again last night.....the person we have been worried about flat-lined yesterday, and was revived with the paddles. Because of this and other deterioration, her kidneys were damaged, and she's now on dialysis and life support. She's in a medically induced coma, and it's pretty tough to be there and watch.

I know this is a grim post, but I make these posts to remind us all.....that any of our lives could turn for the worse, in an instant...
There are many things we take for granted....and relationships as well....we mistakenly assume that those we have neglected in our busy lives...will be around for "at least a few more years"...

Any relationships, if we have let them lapse, we assume we can repair them....that there is enough time....
I know I have been very guilty of that in the past....so please don't think I'm judging anyone.....
But I am making the point......in hopes of motivating some of us....to
Make that call...
Make that visit...
Reach out to someone in your life...that you may have lost touch with....

You can't reach out and touch them, when they are dead....
Thanks for reading.....

baitstealer

10-18-2014, 07:52 AM

Sorry for your friend dark skies. Thoughts and prayers for her recovery.

seamonkey

10-18-2014, 11:21 AM

My uncle is 81 and I haven't spoken to him too much lately. You know the drill - life, job, kids, honey do list, everything gets in the way. Today I called him to see how he was doing. We talked for awhile and he told me about some of his cool war stories. I will be visiting him for Thanksgiving but it was nice to get in touch. Thanks for the push, DS.:HappyWave: T&P for your friend.

surfstix1963

10-18-2014, 05:05 PM

Thoughts and prayers for your friend Rich.

DarkSkies

10-19-2014, 07:47 AM

Thanks for the kind words, people. Please don't feel sorry for me or my life.....I have been seeing a lot of this sadness and going through tough times lately.....

However.....I know folks right now whose lives are much worse than mine....with no hope of things getting better....and hence the reason for me sharing these posts with you.....to try to get some of us, including me, to look at our busy lives, and see if we can find some time for those who may have meant something to us, in the past.....or we had relationships with, and are now estranged.....

Because Death.....is the final chapter.....and once that threshhold is crossed....there is no turning back the clock, or room for regrets for what we did or didn't do....

If you are religious you might believe that Death is a new beginning....my Faith is not as strong as that of some others I know....and I still struggle with this...my wavering about the existence of an Afterlife and Eternal Salvation......I'm trying to share my experiences, and feelings with the folks out there...no matter how uncomfortable they may be.....in hopes of encouraging us all, to perhaps rekindle or mend some relationships that we have let lapse.....

Seamonkey I'm glad I was a "push" for you.....that's kind of what I'm getting at here.....:thumbsup:
Keeping in mind that my own behavior in relationships with others, has not been the best.....
I'm hoping that some here...can learn from my mistakes......and will have less regrets than I do......

As an update, yesterday they said her condition has stabilized a bit......so there is hope.....:)

Remember that folks....sometimes even when there is not much hope.....
A friend by your side.....can offer Comfort.....entirely free but more valuable than all the riches in the world......knowing that someone else out there....cares enough to support you in your time of need....

So, as always....thanks for reading......and the kind thoughts..:HappyWave:

ledhead36

10-19-2014, 09:00 AM

Hang in there Rich. Lifes got the ups and downs but we got your back bud.:HappyWave: Stop by any time. You know where to find us.

ledhead36

10-19-2014, 09:17 AM

Found something to cheer you up, bud. I remember your punk rock and hardcore stories of back in the old days when you had some balls instead of being the world diplomat you are today.:moon::laugh:
Hope you like it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVFSRmbMa3Q

DarkSkies

10-21-2014, 06:00 AM

Thanks led..:headbang:.......I might have mentioned Flipper to ya one time when we were discussing old school hardcore....Flipper was an acquired taste.....some hated them...all the more reason for me to check them out....;)

One cold Winter I wanted to see Flipper in Philly...SharkHart's home town...:HappyWave:
It was cold....no one wanted to go with me....they were playing in a small venue that has since closed down....it took me forever to find the place....but I had a good time......I'm the same way with fishing....over the years asking friends if they wanted to fish when it was uncomfortable, cold, or raining out there....too many "sorry the weather's not cool I don't want to go"....:don't know why: excuses....

This led to me habitually doing things by myself and making each trip an adventure......something that I'm comfortable with....
Death is never a comfortable subject for most of us......hence the reason for me talking about it here....trying to help some of us who are dealing with these very issues and challenges.....

I do appreciate the words, thoughts, music...etc...that's what makes you all such great people....thanks. :HappyWave:

surfstix1963

10-24-2014, 10:33 AM

Death is never easy to deal with, my wife and I have lost a good man last night my Father in law passed away 2014 continues to beat us down but we just keep getting up and that is all you can do.

buckethead

10-24-2014, 02:46 PM

So sorry surfstix. Thoughts and prayers for your father in law.

surfstix1963

10-24-2014, 04:49 PM

Thank You..

storminsteve

10-24-2014, 05:55 PM

Man thats gotta be tough. Prayers sent surfstix.

hookedonbass

10-24-2014, 06:08 PM

Sorry for your loss. T&P

surfstix1963

10-24-2014, 06:49 PM

Thanks guys 2014 hasn't exactly been a banner year for us.

cowherder

10-24-2014, 08:01 PM

Wow so sorry to hear that. Prayers sent for him and hope the future years will be better surfstix.

DarkSkies

10-24-2014, 08:33 PM

Rich, I have heard what you and your family are going through and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
I keep praying for a break for you and your wife, as you seem to be the caretakers of the World, where you live.
I hope and pray those issues get resolved.

Please extend my deepest sympathy and condolences to your wife and her Family.

Heavenly Lord, Who Art in Heaven,
Please watch over Rich's FIL as he makes the transition from an Earthly life, to one with You.....
Please, in your infinite benevolence, shine down some light and understanding as his family tries to make it through this difficult time....
And please help to soften their pain and suffering, as they grieve through this trying chapter in their lives.....
For they have believed in your Power, and Goodness, and Glory......
Amen.

dogfish

10-24-2014, 08:53 PM

SS sorry for your loss.

finchaser

10-24-2014, 10:46 PM

Rich my deepest condolences to you and your family may he RIP

surfstix1963

10-25-2014, 07:31 AM

Thank You all.It's all part of life(especially ours) you just have to pick yourself up dust off and move ahead,and realize he and my Mom are not living in pain anymore and have moved on to their new life waiting for us to join them.The next generation needs to take over till our time is up.Thanks again

Blazin420

10-25-2014, 08:15 AM

Terribly sorry for your loss Surfstix...Thoughts and prayers to you and your family..

surfstix1963

10-25-2014, 10:26 AM

Thanks Blazin

jigfreak

10-25-2014, 10:28 AM

I don't know how old he was but hope he didn't suffer too much. Condolences and t&p

rockhopper

10-25-2014, 11:04 AM

Very sorry for your loss, dude.

nitestrikes

10-25-2014, 12:00 PM

condolences and prayers sent.

BassBuddah

10-25-2014, 12:32 PM

Sorry to hear the news surfstix. May he be at peace in Heaven.

seamonkey

10-25-2014, 04:37 PM

t&p

ledhead36

10-25-2014, 05:15 PM

Hey surfstix sorry to hear all this sadness in your life. Remember that every hill has an up and a down side. I was unemployed for 3 years at one point and thought my life was over but I pulled through and got back to work. Condolences for your loss. Hang in there.

surfstix1963

10-26-2014, 05:01 AM

I'd like to Thank You all from my wife and myself for all of your condolences they are very much appreciated.Thanks again.

DarkSkies

11-27-2014, 12:09 PM

One of my long time customers passed away this week.......I knew him 23 years.....he was up there in years, but one of the original tough guys.....had a very comfortable lifestyle, but worked hard for everything he achieved......

And his generation never complained...even when his legs swelled up to the size of WWF/bodybuilder proportion, full of fluid, he always minimized it...whenever I expressed concern he told me he was "Just fine and dandy!"........never wanted to complain about his lot in life.......

I knew he was in trouble...the last time I saw him...he was supposed to go to a Dr appt....and barely made it to the SUV (he was so proud he always drove himself no matter how much pain he was in)...
I had to help him back to the house....and he was so tough he didn't want to accept my help...he didn't want anyone, including me, to think he had any weaknesses.....

Finchaser would have loved this guy.....he ranted about Obama and the "special entitlements" bestowed on some by the Obama administration......he felt he had to work hard for everything he got....why should others not have to?.....

He was truly a reminder of the older generation, how they were taught to go through life without whining....and suck it up whenever they had a problem.....
Over the years, an inspiration and example of a good American, to me as well....:thumbsup:

DarkSkies

11-27-2014, 12:30 PM

I think of the rough road I have been on lately, spending thousands of dollars to deal with the eff-ups and irresponsibility of others......missing out on fishing, feeling real bad about it, and the money I am spending like water.......

And I asked myself if this gentleman could have changed places with me.....he probably would have...just for another few years of life and love with his family.....
It kind of put things in place for me.....
I'm real disappointed at the infrequency of times I was able to make it out fishing this year....and beating myself up for how hard life has been.........

His passing, helped to put it into better perspective.......
There are always folks out there, who have things a little better.....
And there are certainly many out there, who will have things worse than we do.....much worse.....

I miss ya already, C......
Deepest condolences to your family and loved ones, who I have become close to over the years.....
You left behind a legacy of good examples, frank opinions, and good stories......

Thanks for sharing them with me....
And especially for your fishing stories, of catching many smallmouth bass on a hot day in the Summer....an almost impossible feat in hot weather.......
Unless one was willing to use the secret bait that you did.....crawfish.....
Thanks for all... pal.....RIP.....:(