^ That's too over the top, man, people might talk. :kiss: :heart: :laugh:
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^ That's too over the top, man, people might talk. :kiss: :heart: :laugh:
You can only do so much for people, dark. If you know in your heart that you helped them when they needed help, let that be your guide. Too many in this life are users, and selfish. I would be very happy if I could live on an island with my family, surrounded by abundant fish and game. No need for contact with the outside world, except for twice a year visits to the inlaws to make the wife happy.:D
unfortunate choice of smilies there, pal.
your mancard may be at risk
Hey bro, as long as I don't look like the guys in the pic below or have trouble deciphering the prime focus of the other pic, I'm ok, don't need to worry about revoking the mancard. ;)
But.....if we ever end up fishin together and you see me wearin a speedo, I give you permission to shoot me on sight. :thumbsup:
(I'll never understand why guys over 25 think it's ok to wear weird bathing suits.) I was fishin at Sandy hook about 4 years ago and a guy comes up to me fishin with a pink bathing suit, no shoes or shirt, just a tackle bag, rod, and a pink bathing suit. :ROFLMAO:
He couldn't understand when he asked me how the fishin was, I stared into space like he wasn't there. :kooky: :D
Attachment 7492
Attachment 7493
^Yup, if that's the fantasy you need to get yourself through your day, feel free to hold on to that double entendre. :kooky: BTW, I'm still waitin for my invite to fish Mass. :D
Walk In Dry Places
Is Life Unfair?
Justice
The glib remark "Life is Unfair" is sometimes used to dismiss any concern about trouble or seeming injustice. This usually implies that all such matters are part of God's plan..... that somehow God couldn't create life without making it unfair. But nobody really knows whether life is unfair or not, since what we see
is only a small part of it.
We should know, however, that we can practice fairness ourselves. We will live better if we forget how unfair
life can be and make the best of the opportunities we have.
Some of us could even argue that life treated us unfairly by giving us a susceptibility to alcoholism. In the long run, this turned out to be an opportunity to live the Twelve Step program.
Some of us even consider this to be outworking of divine justice that has proved to be eminently fair. As one AA member put it, It was a case of one of the worst things becoming one of the best that ever happened to me !
I'll not let any seeming unfairness or injustice keep me from doing my best today. My real belief is that there is an eternal justice underlying all things.
Any time I think of how unfair life is, or if I think it's an important use of my time to feel sorry for myself, :beatin: it's usually because I'm not looking at the whole picture.
Sure there are tons of people out there who have successful lives and don't deserve it. They didn't work as hard as I did, I tell myself, they didn't pay their dues! Someone spoon fed them or bankrolled them, or made excuses for them until they rose to whatever position they got. Or, they didn't really work hard in life, and have coasted through the rough spots through someone else's benevolence. :burn:
But is that the whole side of the coin, and am I being fair and balanced if that's the way I'm looking at it? :huh:
How do I know their lives are perfect? :don't know why:
How do I know they aren't?
Ever get the Christmas newsletter from the family member or acquaintance who is bursting at the seams, because Missy got accepted to Harvard, Johnny is completing a summer internship at a big pharm company, (and may have invented an AIDS vaccine) :rolleyes:, Dean the Dad has just been elected international VP of his company with a $100k raise, Mom is not only chair of the PTA but also the Nationwide coordinator for PETA! :laugh:
We have all seen letters like this, many if us in our own families. Take yourself back to a time when you got a letter like that, and how it made you feel....:(, or :burn:, or :2flip:??
We can't know what goes on in the day to day lives of these people, even if they are our families. We cannot be sure that their lives are so rosy or worthy of being jealous of.
Instead why not think of the family who is the working poor, who is struggling to pay their bills every month, who is one step away from foreclosure, or eviction, or welfare, because this rough economy is beating them down so much they can barely hold on?
Like survivors of a sinking ship, they try as best they can, clinging to that life raft of hope.
Or how about the family that has been given the precious gift of having a deformed child, who either was born that way, or one that develops a crippling, life threatening disease soon after they're born? What about their burden, and unfortunate circumstances?
Has life been fair to them?
Perhaps not. If we think about it, they don't give up, they persevere, they learn about the circumstances, and they attempt to struggle through. :clapping:
Although a little crazy, I'm not mentally handicapped, I thank God for that.
I'm not physically handicapped, I also thank God for that,
I am neither rich nor extremely poor, many will always be better off than I am.
But..... there will always be someone worse off.
For today, I need to be grateful for where I am, and the opportunity to go work on a path to go wherever life takes me. I couldn't do that without drugs or alcohol crowding my life.
If I hadn't come to the program from alcohol and drug abuse, I feel I would never have gotten to read some of these readings. Maybe I would have focused the rest of my life on how unfair life is.
And it certainly is unfair, each of us could come up with dozens of examples and rants as to why that is.
But, as JimmyZ says, it is what it is. Faith in recovery, work on ourselves, and belief in a Higher Power will pull you though almost any crisis. It won't happen by imagining it, you have to help it along. One good thing is that we don't have to face it alone. :thumbsup:
Life would be much easier if we spent our time working on our own lives and less time worring about those who have more than we do, received more than they should have, or are always walking on easy street.
^Crosseyedbass, way to keep it simple, thanks for the perspective. :thumbsup:
Self-analysis and insight:
Twenty-Four Hours A Day
A.A. Thought For The Day
"Unless we discuss our defects with another person, we do not acquire enough humility, fearlessness, and honesty to really get the program.
We must be entirely honest with somebody, if we expect to live
happily in this world. We must be hard on ourselves, but always
considerate of others. We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character and every dark cranny of the past.
Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we can look the world in the eyes." Have I discussed all my defects with another person?
I just noticed this thread has over 2500 views. Seems like someone is getting something out of this. I hope so,and am glad to hear people are helped from time to time. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif
Some people aren't comfortable revealing personal details of their lives on the internet. For every example I put out there of bad behavior, I know I have probably done worse in my active addiction. I think for those out there who are struggling, it helps to know others were more messed up than they are, yet we have made it to the path of Sobriety.
Someone once asked if I would be embarassed to see many of my failures documented here. As long as we learn from them, they're more than failures. They're steps on life's path of learning. :thumbsup:
There is a new study out that said something about parents possibly holding back growth by praising their children for every little thing. I believe we all need a little adversity in our lives now and then. If we have never known anything but life on pink cloud devoid of turmoil, how will we know how to react in a crisis? :don't know why:
Unfortunately, we cannot determine the amount of pain we will be dealt in our paths in life. Sometimes it seems tough to hold on. That's when we must turn to God and our support groups for the lifeline. We can't do it alone.
todaysgift@hazelden.org
Helping each other survive the traumas of our lives strengthens us. We can't be overwhelmed by any experience if we rely on each other for support as we walk through it. How lucky we are.
Having the courage to take advantage of opportunities transforms us. Where do we want to take our lives? Who do we want to become? The decisions are many and exciting. The counsel of our friends can guide us, but which doors we open is up to us.
Most of us experienced the pain of our lives alone. Revealing to someone else what our lives were like was far too scary. How could they possibly like us or accept us if they knew who we really were? Now those days are gone forever. Our decision to get help, and thus give help, is giving every one of us the new life we deserve.
My rebirth gives me opportunities to share my good fortune with others. I will be attentive to everyone today
Some thoughts for today. When I first got sober, there was a story how someone let a busted shoelace drive them to drink. If you can't change the circumstances, maybe you should remove yourself from the people, places, or things that are causing you distress. How important is it? :learn:
How important is it?
The young man in the meeting was very angry and upset. His lawnmower had broken down. He was having a cookout in his back yard that evening, the yard “looked terrible,” and he’d paid a lot of money for that mower! After he went on for some time, an older woman gently interrupted him and asked, “Was anyone hurt? Was there danger? Would your guests walk out?” And finally, “Did you lose your sobriety over it?” The young man smiled, as he answered “no” to all the questions. “No, it was not that important after all.”
We all overreact sometimes to situations, people, and events that, later, we see were really not important. The next time we are bothered by someone or something that threatens to ruin our day, we will try to remember to ask ourselves. “How important is it?” If it’s not important, we’ll spend our time and energy on what is important. There is a world of difference.
Today help me to know what is important, to forget what’s not, and ask others for perspective when I‘m not sure.
todaysgift@hazelden.org
Serenity
October 3, 2009
Daily Reflections
SERENITY AFTER THE STORM
Someone who knew what he was talking about once remarked that
pain was the touchstone of all spiritual progress. How heartily
we A.A.'s can agree with him. . . .
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p p. 93-94
When on the roller coaster of emotional turmoil, I remember that growth is often painful. My evolution in the A.A. program has taught me that I must experience the inner change, however painful,
that eventually guides me from selfishness to selflessness.
If I am to have serenity, I must STEP my way past emotional turmoil and its subsequent hangover, and be grateful for continuing spiritual progress.
Attachment 7791
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved . . . the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave.
--George Eliot
We've all heard many times that we must love ourselves if we're ever to love another. Too often we mistakenly think that means we shouldn't need to hear someone's affirmation of love. That assumption is wrong. Praise from others builds our self-confidence, keeps us on track, aware of how we're presenting ourselves moment by moment.
But many of us didn't develop healthy egos in our youth because we didn't get feedback that affirmed us. We didn't hear we were loved. As adults, we're scrambling to feel confident, to feel sure of our direction and our value to society. And we're hoping to hear we're loved. We can be certain someone close will be helped by hearing our words of love.
There's no time like the present for sharing love.
todaysgift@hazelden.org
Before I C&P the above passage, I read it and said to myself, "Well, it sounds kinda gay if you don't understand the message in it." I decided to post it anyway. ;)
The thing about loving people in your lives is that in my perspective, as a man it's been difficult to say to someone outside of a family relationship that I love them.
But in healthy relationshipw we need to be able to say this, not only to people outside the family, but sometimes strangers need to hear it too.
Qiuick story:
I've done a lot of cleaning work for the state, and we get the most disgusting jobs that no one else wants. We have been in situations where people are literally prisoners in their own house, caged in by their obsessive clutter and hoarding.
When we finish a job like that, I prompt my workers to give the person a hug. One job I clearly remember is that a lady was so dirty and messy that she, a mid 60-year old white lady, had her hair so matted it looked like she had dreadlocks. She probably hadn't had a bath in a year. But she was so appreciative of our efforts that we hugged her anyway.
As I hugged her, she cried, saying she couldn't remember the last time anyone had touched her. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon9.gif I'm sure we made not only her day, but after we left she had a better week because of these simple acts of kindness.
This was part of the learning experiences I have had where I see a disconnect in society. People do not seem to be as warm as they were when I was growing up, except in certain cultural backgrounds. To me, it's almost as if people avoid closeness or physical intimacy because they feel weird about it. That's a normal reaction.
However, the contact we had with that older lady, and the feelings she expressed, made me realize that sometimes kind words or a hug can make all the difference in someone's day, or their outlook on life.
Pick up the phone and tell someone ya love them today, or give them a hug. It won't kill ya!!! :D For some of us with elderly parents or relatives or friends, it may be the last day we will see them alive. You just never know.....
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Children do not know how their parents love them, and they never will till the grave closes over those parents, or till they have children of their own.
--Edmund Vance Cooks
As adults, we may feel we were cheated out of a "normal" childhood because of our parents' emotional, physical, or spiritual failings. We may think they should never be forgiven for their actions or inactions when we were young.
Yet imagine what our lives would be like today if we did not forgive. We would be bitter, stomping angrily through life with a clipboard in hand, ready to write down the name of the next person who crosses us. It's time to throw away the clipboard and the names on it - including the names of our parents.
The program teaches us to love those who come into our lives, even if we don't like them. It teaches us forgiveness through our Higher Power. We do not have to like our parents, but we can love them. By the same token, we need to realize our parents love us in their special way. They aren't perfect - and neither are we.
Help me remember my parents did the best they could with what they had. That's all anyone can really do.
todaysgift@hazelden.info
When my Dad died, I thought to myself: ya know, he was a pretty mean SOB, selfish, abusive, cruel, not respectful of others or their points of view, and selfish again in how he chose to spend his time in family relationships
.
Looking back at how he grew up and the choices he made in his life, I have come to realize he did love us, within the limited capacity that he knew. Some people are capable of going only so far in relationships and interactions with others. My Dad did the best he could, with what he had.
As I get older, I see that there a lot of adults carrying baggage around from dysfunctional relationships they had when they were younger. I'm grateful as an alcohilic and addict I got the chance to see some of those dynamics here in my life,. and could re-evaluate some of the perceptions I had of my Dad.
No matter what you think of a person, dead is dead. Your anger at them will dissipate. I can tell you from my perspective, you will miss them when they're gone. :learn:
I still miss my dad. He died in '86.
He was a great man.
I am so sorry. The loss of a loved one seems to carry on forever. My dad died in 2005 and of course my sister this past Aug.
I seem to have events which trigger the sense of deep loss. One main one I get is when fishing. When all is quiet and it is 2:00am, Rich is down the beach, and I am standing there all alone, I remember him. I remember our fishing trips, the way he called me darling, his smell, and his touch. I look to the heavens and talk to him.
Everyone's loss and feelings are different but I hear you. I am sorry for the loss of your father.
Pebbles and Jon, I hear both of you, sorry for your losses. These losses make us who we are, although the pain is tough to deal with sometimes. I think it does minimize over time, but losing a parent brings you into a zone of sadness that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Losing a parent makes us feel as if we lost part of our identity, and we must forge on ahead on a new path where we alone have not walked yet.
I still talk to my Dad, even though he can't answer me now. I find comfort in thinking that at least he can hear me, and it helps me to deal with some of the sadness. Pebbles, I know your Dad meant the world to you. I really believe he would be proud of the way you have kept your family and things together since he passed. I believe he would tell you that, if he could. I know I am proud of the struggles you faced, and overcame.
Youd Dad was a good man, I miss him too. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon9.gif
For Sat and Sun, in case I get washed off a jetty and can't post.;)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it.
--Kathleen Casey Theisen
Recovery offers us courage to make choices about the events of our lives. Passive compliance with whatever is occurring need no longer dominate our pattern of behavior. Powerlessly watching our lives go by was common for many of us, and our feelings of powerlessness escalated the more idle we were.
Today, action is called for -- thoughtful action in response to the situations begging for our attention. Recovery's greatest gift is the courage to take action, to make decisions that will benefit us as well as the people who are close to us. Courage is the byproduct of our spiritual progress, courage to accept what we cannot change, believing that all will be well, courage to change in ourselves what we do have control over.
An exhilaration about life accompanies the taking of action. The spell that idleness casts over us is broken, and subsequent actions are even easier to take. Clearly, making a choice and acting on it is healthful. The program has given us the tools to do both.
Decisions will be called for today. I will be patient with myself, and thoughtful. I will listen closely to the guidance that comes from those around me.
********Sunday, October 18, 2009
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Each day provides its own gifts.
--Ruth P. Freedman
We are guaranteed experiences that are absolutely right for us today. We are progressing on schedule. Even when our personal hopes are unmet, we are given the necessary opportunities for achieving those goals that complement our unique destinies.
Today is full of special surprises, and we will be the recipient of the ones which are sent to help us grow - in all the ways necessary for our continued recovery. We might not consider every experience a gift at this time. But hindsight will offer the clarity lacking at the moment, just as it has done in many instances that have gone before.
We are only offered part of our personal drama each day. But we can trust our lives to have many scenes, many acts, points of climax, and a conclusion. Each of us tells a story with our lives, one different from all other stories and yet necessary to the telling of many other stories too. The days ahead will help us tell our story. Our interactions with others will influence our outcomes and theirs. We can trust the drama and give fully to our roles.
Every day is a gift exchange. I give, and I will receive.
todaysgift@hazelden.info
If the people who are close to you and know you give you advice, try to pay attenton. They ain't doing if for your health, it's because they care. :learn:
Have a great time on the jetty!
Jon, almost called ya tonight. Pebbles and I were near your old stomping grounds, way in the back away from all lights and civilization, pure sedges and some washed out roadway. New moon tide was cresting over the road. :eek: :HappyWave:
You have B.O.
No, but seriously, you are right on the money with that one.
Sometimes it takes me a couple of days to calm down, but then i really appreciate my buddy all the more for telling me something that I didn't necessarily want to hear.
btw I'm about to call you right now. :HappyWave:
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
I haven't won yet but I haven't lost, either.
--Dennis C.
A favorite saying in sports is, "It isn't losing to get knocked down. Losing is staying down."
In life, as in sports, that idea makes great sense. Like "Let go and let God," or "Let it begin with me," it is a saying that reminds us of an important underlying principle. In this case the principle is that battles aren't wars, but rather a series of campaigns. No one wins every time out, or can expect to. And some battles aren't worth fighting anyway.
Fighting a battle isn't hell – our unrealistic expectations are. When we strike out against some old attitude or behavior, we have to realize we're in for the long haul. When the enemy is some aspect of ourselves, we are up against a formidable opponent that won't give up easily. We have to expect that there will be many battles – and not a few defeats. The winner is the one who perseveres longest.
Only continued effort wins the war; we can't lose if we don't quit.
Today, I pray for persistence in the face of many defeats. I ask my Higher Power for courage to keep at it.
todaysgift@hazelden.info
Well-said. Here's an inspirational song I think of when things get me down. :thumbsup:
boy that's a blast from the past...
i used to sing that in my head alot when i got knocked down back in the day.
thanks for the reminder Rich!
I try to live by this every day. Our children are a reflection of us. Teach them well and they will flourish. Thanks of the reminder.
well it never fails. i had that song stuck in my head for a coupla days, then i get tested...ida stops by, and my master bath ceiling is leaking like a sieve, about to collapse, so i go down in the basement to get something, and there is 2 inches of water down there.
full basement full up.
just a reminder, i guess, that it's not me that gets back up again, i can't do it myself.
and never is a really big word.
:( Jon, ya know if I lived closer I would be there helping you to vacuum out the water and put the fans down there. I'm sorry to hear that, this fall has brought some bad weather to people. I hope ya get dried out, call me anytime.
Remember that it's not much a measure of your sobriety how you deal with the good times. What's important is how you roll when you get kidney-punched with bad news. I'll be praying for ya, man. :thumbsup:
We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong; the amount of work is the same. :thumbsup:
Can I get an amen, my brothers and sisters! ;) :clapping::thumbsup: :HappyWave:
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Sharing our experiences heightens our joy and lessens out pain.
Not letting other people know what's troubling us cause the problem to trouble us even more. "Secrets keep us stuck," say the wise ones on our journey.
Sharing what's on our mind with a friend or sponsor gives that person an opportunity to help us develop a better perspective. On the other hand, staying isolated with our worries exaggerates them.
Staying isolated with our joys isn't helpful either. It minimizes them, thus cheating us out of feeling their full thrill. We deserve joy in our lives – lots of it – because we will have our full measure of pain. Perhaps we fear others will criticize us for being braggarts if we sing forth our joy. But our real friends will sing right along with us. Our joys are deserved; they offset our trials. Telling others about both will let all our experiences count for something.
I will remain open to my friends today, sharing both my worries and my joys.
todaysgift@hazelden.info
A phrase that was drummed into me over and over in my early recovery is: we're only as sick as our secrets. True, true. :thumbsup:
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Making prompt amends is the fresh air of each new day.
--Sandra Little
Today brings us a new hill to climb and a new view from the top. Taking time to reflect about our daily journeys is a challenging adventure in self-discovery. Looking down, we see our past trials and difficulties as lessons to learn from. Letting go of old baggage as we end our day will give us a bright window to open onto tomorrow.
Completing a daily inventory creates a good foundation for living peacefully. Honestly acknowledging the things we have done or said to hurt ourselves or others enables us to say, "I'm sorry" and to begin each day with a clean slate and a peaceful heart. As we empty ourselves of regret by making amends to ourselves and others, we make room for the love and comfort of our Higher Power.
Today help me take inventory and make amends where I need to.
todaysgift@hazelden.info
2 of the most important words in the English language: "I'm sorry" :(
I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life. In some cases, it's my choice for things to work out that way. Despite my years of recovery, I still have a lot of stubbornness and pride. Pride or self-esteem is ok when you are calling on it so as not to be walked on by people. On the other hand, pride as ego sometimes gets in the way of my success, and our success, in dealing with people.
We're human and make mistakes. The best way to learn from that is try not to make the same mistake twice. When that fails, the quickest way to mend a fence is to apologize.
You would be amazed at what a simple "I'm sorry" can do, http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif
Walls come down, ego barriers are broken, and people accept the apology and move on.
I see that a lot with fishermen. We all have egos, and a lot of us have strong personalities. There is no shame in admitting you were wrong about something and asking another's forgiveness. In fact, I think it makes you a bigger person than a person who stubbornly refuses to accept a sincere apology.
Good reading for today, we all could learn a lot from this. :thumbsup:
dude please pray for me, the wife has me seriously depressed today. thanks.
Jon, if the prayers of a sinner like me will help. I'll pray for anyone. :thumbsup: I'm calling ya later when my battery re-charges, so pick up the phone if ya can. :HappyWave:
your prayers were effective. thanks.