Jon will you be bringing a surfboard for your dog?;) :HappyWave:
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Jon will you be bringing a surfboard for your dog?;) :HappyWave:
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July 21, 2009
Daily Reflections
A PRICELESS GIFT
By this time in all probability we have gained some measure of release from our more devastating handicaps. We enjoy moments in which there is something like real peace of mind.
To those of us who have hitherto known only excitement, depression, or anxiety--in other words, to all of us--this newfound peace is a priceless gift.
12 & 12, p. 74
I am learning to let go and let God, to have a mind that is open and a heart that is willing to receive God's grace in all my affairs; in this way I can experience the peace and freedom that come as a result of surrender.
It has been proven that an act of surrender, originating in desperation and defeat, can grow into an ongoing act
of faith, and that faith means freedom and victory.
As far along as I have come in the program, this is still a tough concept for me, I do it one day, then waver the other. My faith is weakest when I watch others suffer. I know I can do nothing about it, but I still let it bother me, and it weighs me down sometimes.
My friend and plumbing mentor Stan passed away yesterday afternoon. He was dying for a long time, and suffered for at least a year in the advanced stages of kidney and pancreas failure. As I mentioned before, he was kind of a selfish guy, and a lot of damage to his health was self-inflicted.
Nonetheless, it was painful to see him suffer. Every day he asked someone to kill him, or pour bleach down his throat, he was in that much pain and misery. So I probably didn't visit him as much as I could have, it was too much to see him suffering like that. I wish Dr Kevorkian was still doing his thing, as Stan would have definitely qualified for his mercy.
O Lord, please accept Stan into your house, and please let him enter without penalty. He lived a hard and stubborn life. I'm grateful that our paths did cross, he showed me a lot of his knowledge. Please let him enter into everlasting salvation, and absolve him for his sins. Thank you, God, Amen.
sorry to hear of your loss dark skies. as we get older in life I realize that the connections we make with the people in the program are valuable gifts that that would not be possible without our higher power that I choose to call God. People come and people go into and out of our live but we must nurture our relationships in order to let let them grow. I am a greatful recovering addict.
How true that is, some good wisdom here. Welcome aboard, thanks for your insight. :thumbsup:
July 22, 2009
Daily Reflections
"THE GOOD AND THE BAD"
"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad."
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 76
The joy of life is in the giving. Being freed of my shortcomings, that I may more freely be of service, allows humility to grow in me.
My shortcomings can be humbly placed in God's loving care and be removed. The essence of Step Seven is humility, and what better way to seek humility than by giving all of myself--good and bad--to God, so that He may remove the bad and return to me the good.
Amen to that!
Some more quotes... adversity, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. :learn:
Father Leo's Daily Meditation
ADVERSITY
"Adversity reveals genius,
prosperity conceals it."
--Horace
Today I believe that the only way to understand God, the world, my neighbor and myself is through some degree of suffering. Pain
and suffering are humbling in the truest sense; they stop you from being arrogant, selfish and "prideful".
I know this because I was a spoiled child. My family tried to give me everything. Whatever I wanted was given to me; my way or no way! This sick love robbed me of humility and separated me from humanity: it made me feel different, selfish and place me on a pity-pot. Being spoiled stopped me experiencing the real world and stopped me from growing.
Today adversity is part of life and part of being human. Not to grow through adversity is to die. To have everything is to experience nothing. To feel in life -- to have emotion -- demands
adversity and pain.
Teach me to be grateful for the suffering that leads to growth.
I am continually amazed at how some people can love the unlovable. I do not have that gift. My wife does.
Rich, you have that gift in abundance.
The next time you are concerned about your faith, especially compared to somebody else's, consider this:
1Cr 13:13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these [is] charity.
or in the NKJ:
1Cr 13:13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these [is] love.
I came across that verse in my daily morning Bible reading this morning, and immediately thought of you.
Hang in there, my brother.
Jon
Jon, you give me more credit than I deserve. I do try to see the best in people, even when others think they should be damned to Hell. Sometimes even I lose patience and give up. I have a lifelong friend who was struggling with a fall off the wagon the last few years. Each time I went to see him and try to offer a hand, he was worse and worse.
I gathered all his closest friends several times and we tried to help, but he apparently wasn't ready, though he kept saying he was. So it was like he was toying with us, over and over.
Finally I told him he might as well be dead because he looked like a walking dead man. Around that time I helped him one more time with bail, but he tried to manipulate so we left him in jail.
I turned my back on him and said I was washing my hands of him. If he got better or not, it was up to God, but I would not make even the slightest effort to help him.
And I stuck to my word, didn't talk to him for the first few months of his sobriety becuase I really didn't believe he was sincere. I had heard the same story so many times I was tired of hearing it, and it was almost easier for him to die, with all the pain he put my family, his girlfriend, and his family through. It was tough to do, especially since this guy saved my life, literally and figuratively, more than once. That hurt the most, to turn my back on a guy who had helped me so much. :(
But I did, and he got better, by the grace of God. To this day he credits me with saving his life. I don't want that kind of praise on my shoulders, and I truly believe I didn't do it anyway. It was God, and sometimes you have to let him do his thing. :learn:
Anyway Jon, if you believe me to be that way, I can live with it. ;) BTW how was your vacation, did you get any pics of those bluefish blitzes? I'm sure the guys would love to hear about a bluefish blitz in the surf, in July! :D
Put up a post in the NC/Hatteras forum when you get a chance, I'd love to hear the details.
Pebbles and I could use some extra prayers this week guys and gals, if anyone out there has any to spare. This is the end of the line for her sister, and conditions are deteriorating fast. I hate to see people suffer.
With all the years of sobriety I have it's something that still rips me up, perhaps now more than it used to, I don't know why. :don't know why: I do know that I have no control over what happens to others. However, that doesn't make it any less painful.
The older I get, the more the suffering of others gets to me. I feel like a wimp to say that, but that's how I feel. There are times when I see or hear about some of the most horrible things that are happening out there, to good people. I think.... please God, put some of that pain and suffering on my shoulders, I can handle it. Anything so that they would suffer less. Anyway, it is what it is, as JimmyZ says, and life goes on, eventually. Thanks, people.
Here's the reading for today, sorry it's a little late:
July 28, 2009
Daily Reflections
THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER
Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.
A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 232
A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand-new, speaker, discussion or study group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find
a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program's survival, depend on my determination to
put first things first.
Dark, Prayers for Pebbles, her sister and yourself. :heart:
Thanks Mick, much appreciated. :HappyWave: Went to a memorial service for Stan today, and there may be a need for another service within the next few days. So it may be 2 funerals in a week.:(
Kinda bummed right now. I did feel I contributed at Stan's service because I got up and gave a little of my memories of him. I was honest and talked about the good with the bad. His family suffered almost as much as he did with the dysfunctionality he put them through, so they understood the bad as well.
Afterwards, talking to different people, I began to see how much pain he had put others through, and yet they tried their best to love him anyway. As a friend, I would say that was one of the most precious gifts that he wasted in life, the gift of friendship.
Friendships, to me, are different than they used to be, because we live in a much more fast-paced society than things were 30 years ago. But if someone tries to be your friend, ask yourself if you are a good friend to them as well. I know I am frequently asking myself that question. Ask yourself if you truly listen when they are going through stuff, sometimes all of us feel better if someone will take 5 minutes out of their busy day, and listen.
Have you hugged a parent, or someone in your family lately, and said something complimentary to make their day?
Have you said a nice thing to a stranger, or opened a door for someone, or given up your seat on a bus or subway for someone?
To someone who is having a rough time, a smile can be a needed lift to a brutal day. A phone call can be a lifeline back to society, and a hug can be more effective than most anything else. Or just a simple "Hey what's up, I know things are bad, and I wanted to touch base and let ya know I was thinkin about you."
I made 3 strangers smile today because they made me laugh, so I tried to be complimentary in return. I would like to think we all left the luncheon feeling sad, but a little on the light-hearted side after a chance to interact with others.
Thank you to all the people who have extended the prayers and wishes for Pebbles' sister. The end is very close, and you have no idea how comforting some of the calls, PMs, and words can be. Thanks, all, you're a great bunch. :heart:
hello, My name is larry, I am new to this site, and I am not very computer literate. But I always feel welcome when I am with friends of Bill & Doc. I stumbled on to this site trying to find out how to reset trip spring on mitchell 306. Anyway I just left one of my sponcies, he is terminal with cancer, maybe 1 or 2 weeks. I was working on the reel to try and keep my mind occupied. I have known Jeff since he was 3 years old. He was 45 april 15th.I got home at 12 midnight and it was to late to try and find a 12 step call. My sponcer is 77 and I did not want to bother him this late. Thank You for being here tonight.
Hey Larry what's up! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, it must feel overwhelming sometimes. Beyond all the AA stuff, you are a good soul to visit your friend while he spends the remainder of his life fighting this terrible disease.
The hours and even minutes spent alone in a hospital are some of life's cruelest punishments for people who have never known sickness or been accustomed to having activity in their lives, and then suddenly find out a hospital is one of the loneliest places in the world. :(
I just went to a memorial service yesterday for a friend who died from diabetes, and will be going to another one within a few days for someone else who cancer took from us way too early. It makes me realize how short life truly is, nothing is guaranteed. Savor every moment, and say all the good things you need to say to people before it's too late.
Again, your friend who has cancer seems lucky that your paths crossed in life. It's funny how that works out sometimes, someone we think we may barely know may end up being a valued and trusted friend. On the other hand, the way modern society is, with people moving all over the country for jobs and different factors, there seem to me to be less people who maintain life-long friendships. It's fortunate that you were able to have those good times with your friend for all these years. Even more so that you could both work through sobriety together.
I hope you find comfort in the people and words here, and feel free to e-mail me privately any time you like. Welcome! :HappyWave:
Larry,
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. My darling sister, died last night at the young age of 48. She had non-small cell lung cancer which went to her brain. She had a 2" tumor on her lung and 4, 1" tumors that they could see on her brain.
She was diagnosed in April. She spent the last 6 weeks in the hospital.
I really feel your pain! I am so sad. There are no words to describe how I feel. I wish I could curl up in a ball and go to heaven with her.
I have to write the Eulogy for the service. I picked out this poem as part of what I am going to read. Maybe you can find comfort in it as well.
I'M FREE
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God has chosen for me.
I took His hand when I heard him call;
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I've now found peace at the end of day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss;
Oh yes, these things, I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
Look for the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times,a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seems all to brief;
Don't lengthen your pain with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and peace to thee,
God wanted me now-He set me free
Author: Shannon Lee Moseley.
I can't do the BillW thing today, guys. I just can't, sorry.
Instead I thought I would put up some stuff I found about Death, Dying, and families. Pebbles has been such a great sister to her Sis. She has basically spent most of the last 3 months at her sister's side, sharing early childhood experiences, reliving all the good times, helping greatly in times of sadness, and helping her sister and her family to make the transition and acceptance that one needs to do when someone leave this world for good. :(
People might not realize this about Pebbles if they met her, but she is a truly strong woman. Those in her family have come to look up to her as their rock, and trusted in her to help them make the final decisions with the Healthcare Directive and DNR requests.
They have also looked to her as a calming influence and a voice of reason in facing the devastating brutality of a slow death from cancer, where you can't really help the person who is dying, you can only stand there, watch helplessly, and try to comfort as best you can.
Yet Pebbles took all this in stride, and managed to keep it together for the people who were hurting and didn't know how to deal with this looming event in their lives, that was bearing down on them like a freight train.
I would hope some of you people here get a chance to meet Pebbles when we are out there fishing sometime. She is truly an amazing woman. I'm glad God brought her into my life.
Here are some things I found in searching for the right things to say....
If tears could build a Stairway...
If tears could build a stairway
and thoughts a memory lane
I'd walk right up to heaven
and bring you home again
No Farewell words were spoken
No time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knows why.
My heart's still active in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know.
But now I know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store.
Since you'll never be forgotten
I pledge to you today
A hallowed place within my heart
Is where you'll always stay.
God knows why, with chilling touch,
Death gathers those we love so much,
And what now seems so strange and dim,
Will all be clear, when we meet Him.
I Knew you for a Moment.....
Some more...
date 29/1/09
I saw my sister in the chapel of rest,
and held her little hand,
she looked so peaceful and content,
she will never understand,
the pain,the hurt the tears i've cryed
wishing that she had never died.
all the months and all the years
we could of shared together
we still can do that,in my heart
because the memory of you i'll treasure.
Youre Not Here
© Alyson Drummond
I think of you Emma, every day
your smiles and chatter, the words you did say.
The coffees and catch-ups, the time that we shared,
busy lives lived close together, showed just how much we cared.
If only I could turn back time,
to when our lives were sailing along just fine.
Our sisterly chats, our planned places to go,
the soft plays, parks, shops and the beach,
where did those sands of time go?
You kept saying, “Why me?”
“One day at a time” and “keep positive” was all I could say,
I think of your words every day.
I always believed you would get more time with your beautiful boys,
for more love, laugh and play, with them and their toys.
But you didn’t get that chance, and you’re not here…
Why you Emma? Why were you taken from us so young?
How can we ever again have such fun?
I miss your bright sparkle, your humour and zest for life,
this empty void you have left behind, cuts like a knife.
We were both robbed Emma, of precious time,
we should be sharing now, and in the years down the line.
The pleasures of watching our kids learn and grow,
Special “Auntie Emma”, my eternal sorrow.
You had so much to live for, so much yet to do,
it still feels unreal, being here without you.
I know I have to somehow live with the pain,
of never seeing your smile or hearing your voice ever again.
The answers that I’ll never find, nor ever understand
I only wish you were here
so I could hug you and take you by the hand,
down to the beach with the kids for ice-cream,
to paddle in the sea and write our names in the sand.
I miss you so much Emma, more than words can ever say,
my precious memories of you are with me every day.
Missing My Sister
© Belinda Stotler
One morning I found you in eternal sleep;
I tried to wake you as I began to weep,
But all my pleas you could not hear;
Oh if I could have only kept you near,
Away from the voices of those who went before,
Who beckoned you to come to that distant shore.
I find it so very hard to believe
That you have gone and I must grieve;
I call out your name -- you answer not,
And I look for you in every familiar spot.
Everything seems so strange and surreal,
I ask everyday is it a dream or real?
Where are the soft brown eyes of affection?
Where is the laughter and talk of childhood reflection?
Where is the loving care when I was sick or sad?
Where is the generous soul for which I was glad?
Where is the forgiving and understanding heart?
Where are the bonds that were there from the start?
I miss all the little ways you showed you cared,
For there were so many good moments we shared;
Looking back on my life’s assorted scenes,
I realized you taught me what love truly means;
You were my trusted confidante and best friend,
On whose loving support I could always depend.
I look at your smiling face in all my photos;
Memories flood my mind as I touch the mementos
From the happy times you and I have had,
But now these bring tears and make me sad;
For the time together went by in a wink,
Life was not as long as we’d like to think.
Sometimes memories bring comfort and make me smile,
But there are times when grief takes over for a while;
Friends offer gentle words and prayers to console,
And tell me what has happened to your loving soul;
Can it be true what they say of time healing grief?
Is it enough when they say death has given you relief?
Can we believe what others say of a better place,
Where our beloved ones rest in God’s warm embrace?
I should be happy you’re free of pain and sorrow,
And rejoice that you’ll always have tomorrow.
How can I then be so heartbroken and selfishly cry,
Return to me from that peaceful place where you lie!”
Now I look down at your name on a cold hard stone
That says little of the loving light you have shone;
It tells nothing of the wonderful person you were,
And only serves to remind me of the painful loss I endure;
But I know your kind soul wants no tears or pain,
Instead you’d want warm memories and love to remain.
Although I cry and stand grief-stricken by your grave,
I promise not to forget the loving memories you gave;
But still I miss you so very much my sister dear,
And your caring words I once again long to hear;
My heart’s only solace is one day I will see you as before,
Beckoning me to come join you on that white distant shore.
I liked this one the best :thumbsup:
A Brillant Golden Ray
© Belinda Stotler
One morning under a clear blue sky day,
There was a crisp November chill in the air,
As the sun shone down in a brilliant golden ray,
Upon all the sweet flowers and people gathered there.
The fall leaves gently rustling with the breeze,
Whispered soft sounds that soothed the soul.
Birds flew on silent wing amongst the trees,
Singing sweet melodious songs as if to console.
Although it was a day that was heaven sent,
It was tinged with a sadness few want to face,
For beneath the beautiful sunny sky was a green tent,
Sheltering a flower-draped coffin at its resting place.
Inside a beloved sister now silent, cold and still,
Lying in eternal slumber over her waiting grave,
As loved ones gathered to witness God’s will,
And to speak kindly of the warmth that she gave.
The priest spoke verses well used over many years,
Assuring all she is with those who’ve gone before;
As loved ones tried to see through blinding tears,
And offer prayers for a new soul on a distant shore.
A loving sister spoke of her good and kind heart,
And of the care given when loved ones were sick or sad.
She talked of friendship and of bonds there from the start,
And of a warm generous soul for which she was glad.
With a final loving glance and nothing more to say,
She was laid to rest beneath the green sod with care,
As the sun shone down in a brilliant golden ray,
Upon all the sweet flowers and angels gathered there.
That's a beautiful poem by Shannon Lee Mosely, Pebbles.
Hang in there.
Jon
One of the first things I learned early in my sobriety is the difference between "can't" and "won't". Quite often it can make all the difference in the world. Understanding this difference is one of the basic building blocks of sober living. :thumbsup:
Walk In Dry Places
Can't or Won't?
Willingness
"I can't do it," a person declared as the meeting opened. "I simply can't stop drinking." That launched the evening's discussion as thirteen people offered their ideas and suggestions.
One idea that emerged was that CAN'T was really WON'T. The individual was still holding back on re3commeded actions, such as attending more meetings and making excuses for not doing so. It became clear that the quest for sobriety was still only half-hearted.
In dealing with a powerful addiction, we learned long ago that half-hearted approaches don't work. That's why willingness is called the KEY to recovery. If the "Won't" factor isn't eliminated, our chances for recovery are very poor.
Some people recognize their "won't" attitude but still desire sobriety. For them, the answer is to continue attending meetings and doing the other things that bring sobriety. This can result in a breakthrough when they least expect it.
I'll remember today that can't is often won't. If I'm not taking the right steps to help myself, I'll check myself for willingness.
great point.
every now and then i am asked to attend or facilitate an "intervention."
i ask them if the 'subject' (i'm sure he'd consider himself the 'victim') of the intervention actually wants to quit. they usually say something like "well no, that's why we need an intervention." :huh:
i tell them to call me when the poor sob wants to quit, and then maybe i can give him some encouragement, share my story with him, and point him to some verses that have been a help to me.
but until someone actually wants to be sober and change his life around, what's the point? if someone had pulled that kind of a stunt on me when i was drinking, not only would it have gotten ugly right quick, it probably would have pushed me in the other direction, back to my drinking buddies, and would have certainly reinforced my "us vs. them" mentality.
Sorry I missed the reading yesterday, guys and gals, been a little busy. :embarassed:
A friend sent this to me. I thought it made sense because who among us, whether alcoholic or not, has never had depression in their life? :don't know why:
Noble deals and hot baths are the best cures for depression.
--Dodie Smith
When we change our lives, we give up old patterns. Some of these old patterns, as harmful as they may have been, were like our best friends. We could turn to them for comfort and escape. After giving them up, and after the first elated feelings of liberation, we may also have to deal with depression and grief of loss.
What should we remember at these times? First of all, depression has a beginning, and it has an end. In the midst of it, we may feel that nothing will ever look good again. That is not so. The loss of energy, the dark mood, the hopelessness – all will pass and we will regain our vitality and joy of life. Second, it helps to stay active. Physical activity is one of the best medicines for a depressed mood: vigorous walks, physical labor, or a good workout at the gym.
Another kind of activity is helping others, reaching out to those in need of companionship and a helping hand. It is surprising how good it feels to make a difference in another person’s life. The third thing we can do is stop our negative thoughts. We can simply interrupt a train of thought in the same way we might interrupt a conversation and change the subject. Finally, we can take comfort in the faith that our Higher Power will provide what we need in the long run.
Today I will take good care of my mental well-being.
I like the third part I highlighted above because sometimes isolated thinking is enough to motivate me, or to send me into a further downward spiral. I do my best thinking alone, yet being alone too much is unhealthy. Therein lies the paradox that we as alcoholics and addicts are faced with.
The important thing is to have a balance in life. I'm a prime example of that. When there is a lack of balance and spirituality in my life, it's easy for feelings of depression, and feelings of being overwhelmed, to creep in. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif
You combat that by getting out of the funk you're in, staying physically active, whether it's fishing, walking with your family or girlfriend, and making sure the HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired - triggers are not triggered.
The road to Sobriety is quite simple if we let go and listen to constructive feedback from others.
In my recovery, I seem to have had a lot of roadblocks and disappointments lately. However, I know that I am more willing to listen to feedback from others that I used to be. Sometimes they can see us as we cannot see ourselves.
For that, I'm grateful for those in my life who give me advice when I seek it. I am much better off listening to them. :thumbsup:
You've always been there for me.