Printable View
A friend sent me this yesterday
DID YOU READ YOUR JUST FOR TODAY ?
are you living in the problem today?
try living in the solution !, if you dont Know how find
a winner and stick to him till the change from being an
alcoholic changes to being a recovering alcoholic ,enjoying life as god intended
Tru Humility-
is there realy GOOD and BAD ?
no
only lessons.
December 11, 2008
Instincts
Our desires for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power,
for romance, and family satisfactions --
all these have to be tempered and redirected. . .
If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse;
we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment.
But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first --
then and only then do we have a real chance.
Thought to Ponder....
Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional,
growing spiritually is up to you.
I don't know about you others out there, but this is a tough one for me. My whole life, personal and business, has been based on instincts. I meet someone, and have about 5 minutes to size them up. This is important when you are hiring someone for a job or thinking which relationships might develop into friendships. It's a survival tool to help avoid mistakes. So it's tough to read this here, and they talk about putting those instincts aside in favor of spirituality, or at least that's how I read it.
There are some people who have more spirituality than me, who I look up to. These peole seem to be able to weather any storm, and are on a more even keel than I am. I admire that, and try to emulate it as best I can.
But I fail, I can't seem to jump that bridge of faith. The lesssons of me growing up have taught me that instincts is the first thing I reach for, I feel they help keep me centered and prevent disappointment.
I always had a problem with putting blind faith in anything. If anyone out there feels that way or can shed some light on how this works for them, I would appreciate hearing about it. I still have much to learn.
Two words come to mind. I believe.
Now the rest is up to me. Eleven plus years ago, I learned that a baby has to crawl, before it can walk. Today, I believe.:)
AA Thought for the Day
December 12, 2008
The Merry-Go-Round
I began to feel like a clown juggling too many balls.
Each ball represented a problem I was keeping up in the air.
My arms were weary and I knew I couldn't keep up much longer,
but I was not about to give up. My pride and ego wouldn't let me.
Bosses, judges, co-workers, lawyers, car notes, bar tabs, loan sharks,
utility payments, landlords, my girlfriend, people I had double-crossed --
I looked to all these as the source of my problems,
while overlooking the most basic problem; my drinking and myself.
I'd known for a long time that I desperately wanted off this merry-go-round,
but I had no idea how to do it.
Thought to Ponder....
I can't start doing what's right until I stop doing what's wrong.
I can definitely identify with that. I felt I was on a merry go round that wouldn't stop. The same behavior yeilded the same results. I kept promising myself I would quit, usually after something bad happen. I would crash a car, get into some trouble and wake up with steel bracelets on, fight with my family or girlfriend and have no memory of it when I woke up, only to have the night's events repeated to me, and thinking I was finally fed up with my behavior.
This time I would quit! I would really do it, I was finally motivated! Then 2 weeks later I would be doing the same thing, disappointing family, frieeds, and ruining the relationships that mattered the most to me.
I couldn't get off the merry go round till I was ready to surrender. This was a very difficult concept for me - what the eff was I surrendering to? Only losers surrendered, I was a man, in charge of my life, no way I would surrender to some stupid brainwashing!
As things got worse, and I became more beaten down from all the bad things I was doing, I hit bottom and came to a realization that I couldn't live my life that way anymore. It was too painful, too embarassing, and the pain became too great. Alcohol or drugs couldn't deaden it anymore, I was miserable every day with or without the marsmallow cushion.
So I gave up,, and said, let me at least try this thing "surrender". I was tired, sick, and sick of being sick and tired. It was time to try something else. I'm glad I did, or I wouldn't be here today.
I know that merry go round, It's not fun. :embarassed:
Merry go round - went to a new meeting last night, an old friend runs it. Some newcomers came up to me after, and we talked about them coming in and out, they're having trouble with surrender. I felt bad for them,. but at the same time asked them if they hadn't had enough pain yet. They were talking about the same merry go reound the daily thought referenced above.
If they want help it's there, all you gotta do is ask. Some of us are too proud to ask, because alcohol and drugs are fun. Even when they're not fun anymore, they're comfortable, and some people keep hanging on and beating their heads against the wall.
I can't do anything about that, becasue I did the same thing for years. Everyone gets sober in their own time, keep comin back. :thumbsup:
A little late on the AA daily quote, sorry.
December 13, 2008
A New Dimension
In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled.
Yet when we admit complete defeat
and when we become entirely ready to try AA principles,
our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension --
freedom under God as we understand Him.
I resisted the God thing for so many years, even though I grew up with God and the church in my life, I felt God had abandoned me. Through my dysfunctional eyes I saw the church as money grubbing dogma, and an organization that in some instances couldn't control the pedophelia.
This is God? I kept asking myself, what a frikkin bunch of hyppocrates!
In the beginning of my recovery, I was exposed to some family that are Christians. This allowed my cynical nature further chances to question God. The way I understand Christian beliefs, you will not be saved unlss you follow specific steps. What about the Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and the Indian tribes of the world that worship God according to their different beliefs, none of which is acceptable to Christian beliefs?
I gradually realized that by looking for reasons why religiojn, or some religions, seemed to be hypocritical, I was pushing away the comcept of spirituality. In the last 20 years, I have met some people with deep spiritual convictions. Some of them in the outside world, some of them in the program, some of them on this site, who send me e-mails with religious themes. :HappyWave:
At one time I would have resisited this, and still questioned it. I got a thrill of quizzing family who were Christians about why the other religions were not good enough, as they tried to sit across the table and get me to accept Jesus Christ. I now realize that I don't have to agree with all the religious beliefs of a person to see their things from their eyes, and try harder to do that.
Thanks to all the people who send me religious stuff, even though I might argue with you sometimes. ;) I'm still not as spiritual as I feel I should be, but I'm tryin.
I think the best thing about AA/Na and the concept of God is their principle:
"Freedom under God as we understand him."
That works for me.
H.O.W.
They said if you want to know how this program works,
take the first word of your question -- the "H" is for honesty,
the "O" is for open-mindedness, and the "W" is for willingness;
these our Big Book calls the essentials of recovery.
Thought to Ponder....
Every recovery from alcoholism began with one sober hour.
I like the above daily thought because it's all part of keeping it simple. I run into trouble when I try to complicate things. Being sober one hour at a time is definitely what it takes sometimes. It's too much of a burden to think of achieving sobriety for the rest of your life, one day at a time is a lot easier.
I must have missed this the first time around, jon. Congrats, that's a great achievement, one day at a time. :clapping: :thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by jonthepain
I think many are confused about who God is. Any faith or religion, regardless of what they believe, all believe in the one true God. And I think that is what folks struggle with. I did too, at one time.
Religion is man made, and the spiritual belief's, are fine tuned, when we believe.
God is God, weather in China, or India, or Africa. There is only one true God.
Once we understand that, the rest is up to us.:)
And congratulations Jon.:clapping:
Good to see this thread getting some steam.
So much of sobriety is just admitting that we have a problem and asking for help. This is one more place that people can get it.
And Dog, we have all been there. No shame. You are in the right place. Keep coming back!
December 15, 2008
Housecleaning
We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. Remember it was agreed at the beginning we would go to any lengths for victory over alcohol.
I don't know about you guys, but I need to do periodic housecleaning on both an implied level and a spiritual level. I tend to accumulate debris in my life, it just "clings on". So every few months I need to re-assess and discard the bad. For me, thats part of doing a searching and fearless moral inventory. Working the steps is good when you do it on a formal level with a sponsor, but it's also soomething you can do every day, a little bit at a time.
thanks guys
December 16, 2008
Tolerance
Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober,
but it is tolerance that keeps us that way.
Experience shows that few alcoholics will long stay away from a group
just because they don't like the way it is run.
Most return and adjust themselves to whatever conditions they must.
Some go to a different group, or form a new one.
In other words, once an alcoholic fully realizes he cannot get well alone,
he will somehow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others.
It has been that way from the beginning of AA and probably always will be so.
That's one of the biggest complaints I have heard from newcomers at meetings. They don't like this, that, the cliques in that group are stupid, the speaker curses too much, etc, etc. I think we sometimes make excuses when we don't want to participate in something and don't want to tell people the reasl truth why. So we cover with bs, something we alcoholics and addicts are good at.
That's ok, everyone is entitled to their opinion. One of my biggest gripes was at the meetings I used to go to, people smoked like chimneys, and my eyes hurt after sitting in there for up to 1 1/2 hours. Wanting recovery is going after it like your life depends on it, because it does. All you have to do is look at the examples of those who don't make it. I know plenty of people who are now buried in the cemetary.
I had a friend who told me once - "I can't be an alcoholic like you, you grew up in the street culture, I wenty to better schools and surrounded myself with different people than you did. We had entirely different lives, you and me, so what you look at as important doesn't apply to me."
That friend is dead now, he couldn't deal with working out his problems, and kept it all inside.
We can all try to be more tolerant. The differences among us are on the outside. Focusing on them stops us from focusing on our recovery.
yup that's what killed it for me. went to a meeting, couldn't take the smoke, ended up getting hammered for another 10 yrs.Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkSkies
A.A. Thought For The Day
The way of faith is of course not confined to A.A. It is
the way for everybody who wants to really live. But many
people can go through life without much of it. Many are
doing so, to their own sorrow. The world is full of lack
of faith. Many people have lost confidence in any meaning
in the universe. Many are wondering if it has any meaning
at all. Many are at loose ends. Life has no goal for many.
They are strangers in the land. They are not at home. But
for us in A.A. the way of faith is the way of life. We
have proved by our past lives that we could not live
without it. Do I think I could live happily without faith?
"Life will take on a new meaning," as the Big Book says
(p. 89) This promise has helped me to avoid self-seeking
and self-pity. To watch others grow in this wonderful
program, to see them improve the quality of their lives,
is a priceless reward for my effort to help others.
Self-examination is yet another reward for an ongoing
recovery, as are serenity, peace and contentment. The
energy derived from seeing others on a successful path,
of sharing with them the joys of the journey, gives to
my life a new meaning.
Faith, and helping others. I know how to help others, and do it when I canm or if they ask. Faith is the issue I still struggle with. Like many recovering people, I look at the state of the world, and seen the cruelty and meanness from people who aren't happy with their own lives and need to victimize others.
The NJ case of Sara Parks comes to mind. She never harmed anyone, and was killed in an brutal way by someone whe trusted. So you ask yourself, where was God when this was happening? I guess God can't be everywhere, but these are the kinds of things that go through my head when I think of having faith.
I think the best way for me to understand this is that there will always be evil in the world. We just have to do the best we can in our corner if it, and try to make it a better place, leading by example. There are a lot of people who I think have made better examples of how to live their lives than I have, I am still trying. :D
If I dwell on the negative aspects of the world, the positive is not in focus.
I want what I have, today. The world is what it is. I believe I can make a difference, if I am doing good.:)
Jimmy, when I first met you, in my mind that phrase "it is what it is" became one of your trademarks. Others may use it, but I always think of you when I hear it. I heard that you had many ups and downs in life, yet you always try to maintain an even keel. I kinda admire you for that. My keel is not always so even... "it is what it is" ;) :HappyWave:
December 18, 2008
Not-worrying
None of us has to understand God or worry about things beyond our control.
We can indulge ourselves in the luxury of not-worrying. . .
We simply stop messing in God's business.
And in my opinion, when we stop messing and stop worrying,
we have turned out will and our lives over to God (or Good)
as we understand (or don't understand) Him.
Thought to Ponder....
Reliance on God enables me to match calamity with serenity.
That's one of the good things I like about the AA/NA readings.
They talk about not worrying. (Yeah that's great, I'm a type A personality, I overanalyze everything, I feel comfortable in a worried atmosphere) :D
They talk about turning our will and our lives over to God.
(well what if I don't want to do that completely? what if Im still struggling with turning it over to God?)
as we understand (or don't understand) Him
This is the saving grace here, the one thing that helped a wretch like me reach for salvation. Even though I was cynical, mistrusting, and generally not believing anything unless I saw it proved to me, here was something I could wrap my head around. It was the reallization the Higher power could be anything I wanted it to be - God, church, or people and healthy relationships that would help keep me sober.
And you can turn your will over to Good, at first, if you're not comfortable with religion. Eventually, God will find a way in there, but only if you want him to.
I struggled with turning my will over to God, in early recovery. When I tried, I didn't know what to do next.
What I realized over time, and learning, was that as I got rid of my stinkin' thinkin', I had to fill in that void with positive thinking.
The Big Book was the first choice, than a daily devotional, and now the Bible.
God's will and intent for me, today. Do what is good and pure and true, is God's will for me, and not my will for myself.:)
I have always felt that the Big Book was inspired by God's grace. It spoke to me clearly and at a time when the Bible was probably beyond me. I got a hold of Norman Vincent Peales Power of Positive Thinking, a kind of beginners guide to the Bible that worked well for me.:HappyWave: Eventually, I was able to read the Bible and let it guide me.
I believe God gave me a new start. I wake up some mornings and hold my coffee with a firm strong hand, no shakes or tremors. I say to my wife, "Look at that, Baby!" She thinks I am nuts. She didn't know me when I was drinking. But I know. And I thank God and my fellow drunks for where I am today. :thumbsup:
December 19, 2008
The Choice is Mine
I once encountered many blind alleys,
but today, as long as I have faith, my path is clear.
This has all been slow progress for me.
Like so many, I do not always surrender completely;
I allow the cares and worries of the day distort my thinking.
But as soon as I get back on the right track, I realize that I have everything I need.
Whatever problems confront me, large or small, they can be solved wisely.
Or they can be solved my way. The choice is mine.
I like the above reading because is shows how AA/NA does not push you into something, it simply presents a better way of thinking. Like they say,
"Or they can be solved my way"
Solving problems with the old alcoholic way of thinking will get you the same results you always got. Don't believe it? Try it! :rolleyes: And keep banging your head against the wall. :banghead2: My way didn't work. To anyone out there who is struggling with an alcohol problem, I would ask them: How many times did you try to quit? Do it your way? did your way work?
The way that they talk abpout involved surrender, which was difficult for some, has been difficult for me, and sometimes continues to be difficult as I accumulate each year of sobriety. I surrendered my ideas about alcohol and drugs, I believe that saved my life. But surrender is greater than that. Surrender is a frame of mind, not a conscious agreement to just remove one or two things from your life.
A friend and I were having a conversation the other day about someone who started snorting coke at an early age, and stopped doing that and just smokes pot. Is that guy an alcoholic or addict? Only he knows the answer, but I think a lot of the thinking and rationalization around those decisions to keep smoking pot revolves around the concept of surrender.
Anyway, I can't make an assessment of that guy because I am still strong willed myself, but that makes me part of who I am.
Understanding and living the idea of surrender, to me, is a balancing act. We must surrender our behavior and old attitudes, but we don't have to surrender our identities. Following the program and the steps allows us to make the choices that are best for us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mick2360
Mick, Power of Positive thinking, great book. I still resist reading the Bible, though. :embarassed:
As far as the highlighted part, many didn't know me when I was drinking, and they say - well how bad could it have been, you're cured now, you can have one beer, it won't kill you.
But I know... one beer won't hurt. I know I can have one. I know I can have 10 or 20, and my head won't explode. I know I can smoke a joint, or 10, and that won't kill me either. But I choose not to.
What happens when I want to check out the latest pot strain that someone grew in their basement, or the latest chemical made in someone's bathtub, when that one beer just isn's enough for me anymore? That's where my problem comes in. If one of anything is something you can stick with, you are probably not an alcoholic or addict.
I'm not a one of anything kind of guy. I went fishing on a moment's notice last night without bringing food for later. So I bought a box of donuts and some bagels at the quik chek. Ate half the box of donuts for breakfast, couldn't have just one. :D
Amen, Rich:)
December 20, 2008
Believe
I feel that I have been restored to health and sanity these past years
not through my own efforts nor as a result of anything I may have done,
but because I've come to believe -- to really believe -- that alone I can do nothing.
That my own innate selfishness and stubbornness are the evils which,
if left unguarded, can drive me to alcohol.
I have come to believe that my illness is spiritual as well as physical and mental,
and I know that for help in the spiritual sphere I have to turn to a HIgher Power.
It's hard for me to add to this, it says it all. We come to believe, which to me means its a gradual process. When we are feeling empty inside, and there is a hole that alcohol or drugs cannot fill, we will gradually look for something else to believe in. And that will come in its own time..http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif
I believe, too Good begets good, and evil begets evil. I've also learned, that I can't do good and evil at the same time. When I think of my Heavenly Father, I can't be doing wrong, and this I believe.:)
December 21, 2008
Highway to Humility
As I thus get down to my right size and stature,
my self-concern and importance become amusing.
Then faith grows that I do have a place on this Highway;
that I can advance upon it with deepening peace and confidence. . .
This is a great gift, this knowledge that I do have a destiny.
- Bill W., June 1961
Thought to Ponder....
Humility is not a station we arrive at; it's a way of traveling.
This is a great way to look at things because it places it in perspective. Humble, humbleness, humility, surrender, how can I continue to live my life and be a man if I wrap my head around this stuff, seems like a bunch of frikkin brainwashing, what are they trying to turn us into, a bunch of sheep? :huh:
That's one of the problems with us as alcoholics and addicts - our arrogance, self-importance, and unwillingness to take direction and let go of our self-will, which has failed us many times before. If you have experienced some of the above feelings and sense of despair after seeing your way of doing it fail, and failed to quit on your own, even by minimizing the substances you use, and it still is not working, then you might be an alcoholic or addict.
The realization that we are alcoholics or addicts, and the learnign process, requires us to humble our selves to be able to listen to the advice and direction of others who have their chit together.
So for me, humbleness, humility, etc, doesnt make us weak, it makes us willing to grow with the feedback from others, and willing to take steps that we weren't taking before. Willingness to abandon the "stinkin thinkin" and move on to a better place. :thumbsup:
December 22, 2008
Unchangeable Fact
We try never to lose sight of the unchangeable fact of our alcoholism,
but we learn not to brood or feel sorry for ourselves or talk about it all the time.
We accept it as a characteristic of our body
-- like our height or our need for glasses, or like any allergies we may have.
Then we can learn to live comfortably -- not bitterly -- with the knowledge
that as long as we start out by simply avoiding that first drink (remember?)
just for today.
Thought to Ponder....
The first drink has the last say.
That works for me. I'm Rich, a recovering alcoholic and addict. That's an unchangeable fact. Not to be worn as a badge of honor, but an identity that I must remember when I'm with people who might say: Hey man, you must be cured by now, all those years sober, you can have one drink with us, one drink won't hurt?
Sure it won't hurt, no porblem. But I know where I came from, and how hard a struggle it was to get where I am today. It's part of who I am. I ain't giving that up for one drink. I want to remember how it was for me. I see that as I try to give back by helping newcomers as they struggle. I don't want to go through that struggle again. I'm glad to be where I am, one day at a time.
December 23, 2008
Abundant Hope
Hopelessness has been replaced by abundant hope and sincere faith. . .
I find joy in my daily life, in being of service, in simply being. . .
The things that I have learned from my own experience, from the Big Book,
and from my friends in AA -- patience, acceptance, honesty, humility,
and true faith in a Power greater than myself --
are the tools I use today to live my life, this precious life.
Thought to Ponder....
Faith is hope in things unseen.
This is one of the critical keys to recovery. The program asks you to have faith. Faith in what? Either a higher power, or the practices and principlles of the program. I could see how people would have an issue with that and call it brainwashing. How can they expect you to have faith in something you can't even see? Isn't that crazy? :kooky:
The point is that we couldn't do this stuff on oour own, we tried, and failed. So ya have to start somewhere new, have to trust in something other than your previous stinkin thinkin. That's where the faith comes in.
For a lot of people, that faith involves God, but it doesn't have to. It can be whatever you want it to be. It can be people, your sponsor, etc. For me, even if you have doubts, the willingness to at least try and have an open mind is a plus.
Jimmy, that's real simple, and it works. :thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy z
I believe I had to hit that bottom, the bottom of the bottoms. And once I was there, all I could do was look up. There isn't a more humble feeling, saying, " I'm beat, I can't do this anymore". At that point, I knew i didn't want to live that life anymore. I had faith, that the program worked, and I knew that I needed to change more that just the drinking.
Selflessness, is a key for me today. I need to help others, and to stay connected, to positive people.
One might say, "how do you do this?" My whole family drinks, or, all of my friends drink. It's a tough decision to make at times, especially around the holidays, but we are different. I never put myself in harms way, and I certainly didn't when in early recovery. And why? Because I had faith, and believed what the Big Book said.
:)
Merry Christmas, everyone
December 24, 2008
Rewards
The rewards of sobriety are bountiful and as progressive
as the disease they counteract.
Certainly among these rewards for me are release from the prison of uniqueness,
and the realization that participation in the AA way of life
is a blessing and a privilege beyond estimate
-- a blessing to live a life free from the pain and degradation of drinking,
and filled with the joy of useful, sober living,
and a privilege to grow in sobriety one day at a time
and bring the message of hope as it was brought to me.
Thought to Ponder....
I had to get sober to be amazed.
Amen, it is a blessing and a privelege to be sober today.
There are thousands out there still suffering. They will struggle in pain and lost opportunities until they make the decision enough is ehough. There are also people who I have seen come through the doors, became friends with, was impressed with their recovery, and they're now dead because they went back out. All you hqve to do to keep your memory green is go to meetings and look around. If someone asks for your help there, reach out and help them. Your help might be the lifeline they need to begin building a solid foundation, one day at a time. :thumbsup:
Holidays are the worst time for us because we take stock of our lives and the visions we see are not pretty. Coupled with dysfunctional family relationships, many think of killing themselves this time of year.
Someone I was close to killed himself 4 years ago around this time, the date of his death just passed about 2 weeks ago. He was depressed and was too "smart" to talk to anyone about it, so now he's dead.
I'm not a guy who can come up with profound prayers, but on this morning of Christmas Eve, I'd like to offer a prayer for all the still suffering alcoholics and addicts out there:
God, I ask that you continue to help these suffering alcoholics and addicts, and all people who are having trouble in their family and primary relationships, whether alcoholics or not, at this time of year. Sometimes people need just a glimmer of hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I pray that through your inspiration, and the reaching out of others, sometimes strangers, these people can see the light and find their way....Amen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy z
:thumbsup: You always say it so well, Jimmy. Hitting bottom comes differently for each person that experiences it, but we can't truly help them until they do, and decide on their own that enough is enough. It's even sadder to see people who try and don't make it because they are still fighting a disease like they are in a boxing ring.
But we have to be patient, help others, and stay connected to positive people, like you said. Hopefully, with the help of God and others, we will have realize these things before it kills us or destroys all relationships.
December 25, 2008
Greetings From Bill W.
~ December 1970 ~
Gratitude is just about the finest attribute we can have,
and how deeply we of AA realize this at Christmastime.
Together, we count and ponder our blessings of life, of service, of love.
In these distraught times, we have been enabled to find an always increasing
measure of peace within ourselves.
Together with all here at AA's General Service Office,
Lois joins me in warmest greeting to each and all of you,
and we share our confident faith that the year to come
will be counted among the best that our Fellowship has ever known.
© 1988 The AA Grapevine, Inc., The Language of the Heart, p. 351 Thought to Ponder . . . When brimming with gratitude,
one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love,
the finest emotion that we can ever know.
H O P E = Hang On! Peace Exists.
Hey everyone! I am grateful for what I have today. I know I woujld be dead if I hadn't hit bottom, and was forced to look at my life in a new light. I am grateful I was given my life back, and for all those who I have in my life who have helped me. Even though I may not talk to or see some of these people all the time, when you have good people in your life it doesn't matter. You can start a conversation after not having talked to them for a year, and it's like there was never the lapse of time.
God puts people in your life for a reason, and I am grateful things have happened the way they did for me.
I had a good conversation with someone last night about God and the program They also mentioned that when people don't feel comfortable putting all your faith in God, in the beginning, the program is a good thing, because it allows your higher power to be anything you want it to be, other than yourself.
Merry Christmas to all out there, I hope you can find peace with your families, or the people you choose to have in your life, for this one day. :HappyWave:
December 26, 2008
Belonging
Today, I'm counting my blessings instead of my troubles.
When I walked into the friendly atmosphere of my first AA meeting
I knew I was where I belonged.
Here were people who had thought and felt as I had.
Here was the understanding I'd been searching for all my life.
These people were my friends, and I felt their sincere interest in me.
With these new and enlightening doors opening up to me,
I was able to make the eventual decision to stop drinking, a day at a time --
because I, too, was an alcoholic.
The thing that worked for me is going to meetings and opening my mind to what I might hear there. It helps keep my memory green, and at every meeting I can find someone who is speaking about something I can identify with, IF I am willing to listen.
I sometimes run into other friends there, or newcomers, who say they're not happy with the meeting because too many people smoke, or there are too many different clicks at this meeting, or the other meeting has too much drama, or they don't get enough time to share at that meeting.
There are a whold lot of different meetings out there, and some do have a certain character or flavor. So if you don't like the one you're going to, move on and find one where you're happy.
It's simple, the progream makes things simple. It's we stubborn addicts and alcoholics who make things difficult by complicating them.
And to repeat what I said above, it's good to speak up at a meeting if you have an issue bothering, but there's a lot to be said for just listening, and learning. :D You can always find an understanding between you and most groups of people if you are willing to try.
December 27, 2008
A Logical Idea
People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about.
Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever.
We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual belief and practices
when we might have observed that many spiritual-minded persons
of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability,
happiness and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves.
Thought to Ponder....
Hold your face up to the Light,
even though for the moment you do not see.
When I read the above, I remember how it was when I first came into the program. I had no faith in anything. I viewed only the bad and evil things I noticed out there, that's what seemed to stand out, so I noticed them. I wondered how there could be a just and benevolent God if all that crap was going on in the world. How could a good God let all that stuff happen? If we were supposed to put our faith in God, that seemed so lame, how was he going to protect us from all the evil out there? Was there gong to be a magic "God shield" for all the people who had faith, so they would have stress-free lives?
I know cynicism because I know many kinds of people. I know people who have stopped believing in God. A few months ago, I met a priest who was probably an alcoholic. He was one of the most angry people I ever met, told me he stopped believing in God. Meeting him was a trip, there was anger and unhappiness in every sentence that came out of his mouth. I was supposed to do some work for him, but bailed when I saw how abusive he was to the other people who tried to help him. I didn't want to be another person who he nlet his anger out on. I don't have to put up with that today, I can make the choice to say no.
Sometimes ya just can't help people, becasue they don't want to be helped. They have to "come to believe" in their own time.
As for belief, anyone who has been reading these daily readings knows I have a belief in God, but I still struggle with it. People I know send me e-mail with religious themes. I am grateful they do, but sometimes I honestly feel guilty because I don't have the blind faith they do. I try, but to completely give it all up to God has always been tough for me, even though I have a bunch of recovery years under my belt (one day at a time) :D
I look at these friends who have this faith in God, and maybe I am a little envious because of the extent they can put their faith in God, and be happy about it. I did put faith in God when I became sober, and realized I could not do it alone, so I started praying. I feel that helped me. I started going to church again, but don't go regularly. I don't want to go regularly, because honestly I get more motivation out of meetings than I get from church.
So maybe I still don't know what I'm looking for in terms of faith? I see the people who have it, or seem to be more centered than I am, and it seems attractive to me, so I try. I still can't wrap my head around the blind faith part. People say "God's in charge". For most of my recovery, I tried to create a sober life (with the help of the program), but also to survive financially. For the fianancial and responsibility part, it's up to me how my life turns out, not God. That's how I feel.
I'll keep trying.
This sone is dedicated to the people here and in my life who keep sending me the religious stuff. :HappyWave:
This song is literally about him finding out he's going to be a Dad, which changes everything.
However, another way to look at the song is to look at it in terms of the faith people have, whether in God, or something else in their lives. When I heard this song yesterday, it again reminded me of faith.
:) I hear ya Rich.
Jimmy, your ears musta been ringin. :HappyWave: