Top Four
Adult Jokes
Fourth
Place:
A
man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his
elbow goes into her breast.
They
are both quite startled.
The
man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as
your breast,
I
know you'll forgive me.'
She
replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room
221.'
One
night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing
his wife's arm.
The
wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The
husband, rejected, turns over..
A few
minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do
you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
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Runner
Up:
Bill
worked in a pickle factory.
He had
been employed there for a number of years when he came home one
day
to
confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had
an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His
wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about
it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own.
One
day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at
once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she
asked.
'Do
you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to
put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh,
Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes,
I did.' he replied.
'My
God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got
fired.'
'No,
Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired
too.'
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Winner: A
couple had been married for 50 years.
They
were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife
says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this
breakfast table together.'
'I
know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here
naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny
snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two
stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You
know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I
wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in
your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal