One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

December 28, 2008

The "If" Trap

Alcoholism respects no ifs. It does not go away, not for a week, for a day,
or even for an hour, leaving us nonalcoholic and able to drink again
on some special occasion or for some extraordinary reason --
not even if it is a once-in-a-lifetime celebration, or if a big sorrow hits us,
or if it rains in Spain or the stars fall on Alabama.
Alcoholism is for us unconditional, with no dispensations available at any price.

Thought to Ponder....

The first drink has the last say.






This is timely advice, especially with New Years around the corner. Once I came into the program, I made a pact with myself that IF would stay sober for 6 months, I would start smoking pot again. :kooky:

A lot of people I know say, man Rich, you got so many years of sobriety, cmon one driunk won't kill ya! Sure it won't, I can have one drink, one beer, one shot, one joint, and probably one dose of the psychedelics I used to love. Sure I could do that, one of anything won't kill me, and I admit it would be fun...

For a short while. Then I would want more, or combine them for a better high, like I always did. What's so effin fun about just fdrinking one beer - that's for lame losers - real men have a joint in one hand, two beers in the other - anyone else is a lightweight, right? :2flip::D

So if anyone gets into the trap that one won't hurt, remember that being "in recovery" is a lot different from being cured. A very good friend who had a lot of years of sobriety started making homemade wine a few years ago. I asked him to think of the possible consequences and where it could lead. Another mutual friend said - I don't know what you're so worried about, Rich, both you and him are cured, you guys should be able to drink with m anytime you want, ain't no big deal, you shouldn't be afraid to drink, if you get out of hand I'll stop ya!

Well, we're never cured, looking at it that way only puts ego into the picture. In remission sure, but saying you're cured implies you'll never drink again, and none of us can know what the future holds.

Foer my friend who was making the wine, he went on to buying the white rocks, smoking them for a few years, and turning into a walking corpse. It only stopped for him when he got locked up, came to me for help, and I wouldn't help him unless he signed himself into rehab.

Now 2 years later, he's a productive member of society, is responsible, is doing good step-work for his recovery, and is once again in inspiration to me by showing me there are endless possibilities of what we can do in our recovery. :clapping::clapping:

IF anyone out there is putting conditions on thier drinking or saying they can stop THAT, and only do THIS, ask yourself if you are an alcoholic or addict. IF you know the answer to that, you know whether you can quit one and do the other without things creeping up on you.

Self-will gets us in trouble, and self-knowledge is something we sometimes ignore. Looking honestly at yourself will give you the answers or evidence you need.

December 29, 2008

An Inner Voice

Long before nagging and pressures from others
concerning my excessive use of alcohol made any impression on me,
the nagging voice of conscience -- my own inner voice of truth and right --
apprised me of the irrevocable fact that I had lost control of alcohol,
that I was powerless.
I know now that the inner voice was God, as I understand Him, speaking.
For, as I had been taught from earliest memory and as AA has emphasized,
God -- or good -- emanates from within each of us.









My inner voice at first told me I coule keep everything under control. Gradually, I knew that voice was lying to me. So I knew it was out of control long before I admitted it. Trying to change my behavior, and failing each time, taught me that lesson well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DarkSkies

For the fianancial and responsibility part, it's up to me how my life turns out, not God. That's how I feel.

---

yeah, it took me years to get over the idea that God only controls some stuff, and that I control my financial stuff. Well maybe I'm not really over it. But I think I'm getting better at giving Him the credit for providing for me and mine.

Sure He wants us to give our best in our job or whatever it takes to provide for our family. So if we are trying that hard, of course we feel like it's all us.

But He's the one that gave us the ability to learn how to do that job or gave us the skill that we need to turn our time into food and shelter for our wife and kids.

Heck, He gave us the time itself. It might run out any day now...seen it happen too many times but still have trouble living like that.

So yes it's up to you how your life turns out. But God wants the best for us, and helps us do our best, if we ask him to, and give him the credit that he deserves.

December 30, 2008

Rescued

We are like the passengers of a great liner
the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness
and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's Table.
Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however,
our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways.
The feeling of having shared in a common peril
is one element in the powerful cement which binds us.
But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.

Thought to Ponder....
When all seems lost, hanging on a little longer
never fails to bring mysterious help.



I thought that was a pretty cool reading. We realize we have common ground when we go to meetings and come together in fellowship. This feeling still exists for me when I'm not at meetings, when I meet someone who is struggling with alcoholism and addiction, and who needs my help.

Even though religion isn't as big a part of my life as it could be, whenever I see someone in trouble, I think that could be me, but for the grace of God. It has been me many times in the past, downtrodden and looking for a helping hand to help me out of my misery.

Something I remember about going to rehab and the early meetings I usedd to go to says: If I see a fellow alcoholic struggling and he/she asks for help, I am obligated to help that person if I want to follow the principles of the program.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jonthepain

But He's the one that gave us the ability to learn how to do that job or gave us the skill that we need to turn our time into food and shelter for our wife and kids.

Heck, He gave us the time itself. It might run out any day now...seen it happen too many times but still have trouble living like that.

So yes it's up to you how your life turns out. But God wants the best for us, and helps us do our best, if we ask him to, and give him the credit that he deserves.

---

Good point, Jon.

December 31, 2008

Rewards

Even the newest of newcomers finds undreamed rewards
as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one who is even blinder than he.
This is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing.
He does not expect his brother sufferer to pay him, or even to love him.
And then he discovers that by the divine paradox of this kind of giving
he has found his own reward,
whether his brother has yet received anything or not.


Thought to Ponder....
Give a lot.
Expect little.
Keep it simple.



Wow, the above is the perfect reading for today. On the eve of a new year, I remember -

I remember Holiday Times are the lonliest and most desperate for us alcoholics and addicts.

I remember the feelings of loneliness and hopeless I had, yet I was too proud to ask for or accept help. Effumall :2flip:, I would do it on my own.

And left to my own devices, I would fall on my face, or worse, time after time.

I remember not wanting to fit into groups or meetings. People didn't know "my" issues, they couldn't feel "my" pain. Who the eff was I kidding? Only myself.:embarassed:

I remember what it's like to be a newcomer, and being too shy to asssk for help, or speak up. Sure, someone else would ask that question I had no answer for, I didn't have to make the effort. Suuure....:rolleyes:

I remember my fellow alcoholics and addicts reaching out to me, and helping them. It felt good to finallly be able to do that once I was on my way to recovery.

I remember some of those I reached out to and knew, dying, some after years of sobriety. They didn't believe the disease was cunning baffling, and powerful, thought they had "kicked it".

I also remember those I helped who are still sober today, through the grace of God.

I know this is a program on anonymity, but everyone knows who I am anyway, friend or foe.
We keep what we have by giving it away. - I think Bill W might have said that, not my quote, but it fits.

I'm not big on prayer, but I would like to put a prayer out there for all the suffering alcoholics and addicts this time of year, and their families who are suffering along with them. There is a better way, if you will give it a shot. God please watch over them and give them the guidance they need, Amen.

Happy and healthy New Year to everyone!

Very well said, my friend. Amen
And Happy New Year to all, a sober one at that!:HappyWave:

January 1, 2009

Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone,
we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves.

Thought to Ponder....

Happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.





To me, the above is meaningful because it shows there is light at the end of the tunnel. There are no guarantees, but serenity is there is we want it, and how sweet it is.

The thing about serenity reminded me of an old Seinfeld episode. I know this thread is a seriopus one, sometimes a little fun is what we need.

happy New Year to everyone out there, serenity now! :D :laugh:

When we admit that we are powerless, we become empowered. Empowered by the promises, the promises of hope, and the promises of faith. The promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.:HappyWave:

January 2, 2009

Happy, Joyous and Free

Joy at our release from a lifetime of frustration knew no bounds.
The newcomer feels he has struck something better than gold.
He may not see at once that he has barely scratched a limitless lode
which will pay dividends only if he mines it for the rest of his life
and insists on giving away the entire product.


Thought to Ponder....

The joy is in the journey, so enjoy the ride.



There's a lot of focus in life in our destinations, "Yeah, life will get better when I get that house, get that job, win that promotion, catch that 50, hit that home run for the team, get the perfect girl, or achieve the perfect life. It's great to have goals, thats one of the best ways to get ahead by setting them. What happens if that train never comes to the station, whatt will we do today?


This quote by someone else puts it in perspective:

"We are continuously travelling from the moment we take our first breath till we breathe our last. What matters is what we do on the trip, the places we visit, the people we meet, the experiences we have.

The most appropriate analogy for life is a long journey by train. Think about it. We get on and the train leaves the station. We're off. It's exciting. We look forward to arriving, reaching our destination, but then it all starts to get a bit stale, mundane and dreary. I'm not saying life is like that but for long tracts of time, it can be. We chug along, getting bored and restless.

Sometimes, we stop altogether and that's even more tedious; we feel stuck. When we set off again, we can sometimes relax and enjoy the scenery. At other times, we go "off the rails", change tracks or even become completely derailed. Then there are the tunnels when we can see no light, when we have to trust the process and suffer the darkness.

After all these stops and starts on our train journey, we may very well arrive, but it's only a matter of time until we start on another segment of our journey. The only way to stop travelling is to die, so, in a sense, the trip never ends. It stops and starts like all of life. Nothing in life is permanent; it's transitory. Once we embrace that concept, it all becomes smooth sailing."

January 3, 2009

Problem-solving

A lot of us are convinced that alcohol is not the problem -- we're the problem.
Alcohol can sit in the bottle for a hundred years if you just leave it alone.
It's we alcoholics who have an allergy of the body
and an obsession of the mind that makes us unable to handle it.
In general, a social drinker can say, "Let's go have a drink,"
and that's what they do -- go have a drink.
But, as an alcoholic, we go have a drunk;
we drink beyond our capacity to handle it.


Thought to Ponder....

Alcohol -- cunning, baffling, powerful!




Amen. I know that's me, because I can't have just one of anything. If it's bad or unhealthy, I want at least a few. I was at a meeting last night where people were talking about their impulsiveness. Alcoholism and drug addiction are to me, like a club you didn't want to join, might not be happy about the way they run it, definitely not happy with some of the members and their childish behavior, but at the same time you know you belong there.

We try to prize ourselves on our uniqueness, yet we all know pain, happiness, joy, frustration, disappointment, and satisfaction for a completed job. Deep down, we all feel in similar ways,it we let ourselves feel.

Feelin kinda sad today, a guy I know for a bunch of years droppped dead. 40's, he wasn't sick, overweight, no bad vices like alcohol or drugs, had a great life, loving family, thriving business, yet he's dead anyway. Life doesn't seem fair sometimes, butwe gotta deal with the hand as it's dealt. As JimmyZ says, it is what it is.

No matter how bad your life gets, remember that our alcoholism/addiction lies dormant, telling us that we are not sick, that we don't have a problem with "just one", and that we can someday drink again. That cunning baffling and powerful will always be there. It will get to us if we don't recognize its existence.

January 4. 2009

Change

Let us never fear needed change. . .
The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better
and then an unremitting willingness
to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.


Thought to Ponder....

Learn to change, change to learn.



This sounds simple, but is so true. I made some negative comments about a meeting I went to the other night. Some people were talking about how they were doing the same thing and getting the same results. Step work was mentioned by some of the others who had some time under their belts. I think people tend to ignore step work at times because it takes too much effort. The ones who do it prosper by embrracing change, the ones who don't are still struggling. That's ok, we all have to change at our own pace.

Over the past few days, I realized why this bothered me. The people who talk a lot about the problems they are having, and revisiting over and over, are sommetimes the ones who are nbot willing to take that extra step and work on them.

We're not perfect, we're all works in progress. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. If you want change, you gotta work for it. Depends on how much you really want it, I guess. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif :thumbsup:

January 5, 2009

Action

In shame and despair, I went to my first AA meeting.
By some minor miracle, I was able to suspend opinion, analysis, judgement,
and criticism, and instead to listen and hear.
I heard someone say that AA works for those who work for it,
those who put action into the program. . .
I tried it, and it worked.
The first step in the process of "coming to believe" had been taken.







The above is great advice, it's not the way I got sober. I did 90 in 90 days because I had a court case coming up and it looked good on paper. I also was desperate to change my life, but if I want to be honest, I would say it was more about that court case.

The funny thing about going to meetings is they grow on you, if you keep your ears open ane your mouth shut. I fully intended to drink and get high after 6 months of sobriety - of course I knew what was best for me above all else. :kooky: Those meetings eventually get inside your head, and you would feel very guilty if you drank after going to them.

I know some people are still drinking, getting high and coming to meetings. The other night I had to take a leak before the meeting. As I was coming out of the bathroom, there was a "newcomer" compulsively cleaning the sink area after he washed his hands, it was like he didn't want to leave the bathroom to go to the meeting. I don't know if he was high or not, he's been bouncing in and out of the program for years. Meetings are nothing to be scared of, though you do hear some sobering stories when you go.

Another person I know goes to meetings religiously, but talks negatively about all the speakers when they have a speaker meeting. "This one curses too much, this one is BS, this one sounds hypocritical...."

Just like life, you get out of a meeting what you put into it. The more you try to identify with the speaker, and the feelings, not the specifics, the better off you'll be.

The thing that makes them so effective is when you find one where you can identify with the stories, youll feel at home. If you don't feel that way, keep going to different meeetings until you find one you feel comfortable with. :thumbsup:

January 6, 2009

The Gift

AA has filled my days with friends, laughter, growth,
and the feeling of worth that is rooted in constructive activity.
My faith in, and contact with, my Higher Power shines more brightly
than I dreamed it could.
Those promises I thought were impossible are a viable force in my life.
I am free to laugh all my laughter, free to trust and be trusted,
free to both give and receive help.
I am free from shame and regret, free to learn and grow and work.
I have left that lonely, frightening, painful express train through hell.
I have accepted the gift of a safer, happier journey through life.


Thought to Ponder....

Sobriety is a gift.



This is definitely true, we have been given a gift when we get sober. We get a chance to get our lives back. It's tough for some to realize how precious this gift is, and hard to appreciate unless you have hit bottom, and are at your rope's end. That chance is sometimes reinforced when we see people coming in and out of the rooms, they aren't ready for the message. Everyone has their own point when they're ready. I met some people who drank till their 70's, and finally decided to get sober. Better late than never. :thumbsup:

My dad drank till he was 56; died at 67.

I was 48 when I quit.

January 7, 2009

A Plate of Fudge

I was born under the shadow of a mountain called Mount Aeolus.
An early recollection is one of looking up and seeing
that vast and mysterious mountain and wondering what it was
and whether I would ever climb that high,
But I was presently distracted by my aunt who, as a fourth birthday present,
made me a plate of fudge.
For the next thirty-five years I pursued the fudge of life
and quite forgot about the mountain.
- Bill W.

Thought to Ponder....

If I don't know where I'm going, I'll probably end up somewhere else.





That's a good point. Bill W had a way with words.

I had a bad habit of always ending up somewhere else in my active days, whether figuratively or literaly. My intentions were good, but alcohol or drugs always got in the way, always came first, and caused me to disappoint so many people in my life. Once you get sober and actively work the program, those detours happen less and less.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jonthepain

My dad drank till he was 56; died at 67.

I was 48 when I quit.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DarkSkies

Better late than never. :thumbsup:

---

Jon, I'm sorry to hear that your Dad didn't get more years of sobriety, but 11 years is still a great achievement. Your story shows me that it's better late than never. I think when we get sober, that's a gift we're given that some people don't get.

Through the principles of the program and the steps, we'e forced to examine our behavior, attitudes, and values. Going to meetings, if you participate, is kinda like free psychological counselling, from the best people in the world - a bunch of drunks who have heard every bs story out there, and know when someone isn't being honest or sincere.

What better group to evaluate our behavior than the people who have been through the same struggles as us? The feedback we get is helpful, sometimes, harsh, but sincere. I would rather hear the truth about one of my character defects than have someone gloss over it because they're afraid I might be offended hearing it.

My Dad didn't drink, but was in denial his whole life. To him, drinking wasn't an addiction, it was something you just gave up, and could dring again whenever you wanted to. But the compulsive behavior exists in my family. He gambled for years, it caused many problems in our family, yet only once or twice did he admit it had been a problem for him.

The worst thing it did was drive a wedge among people in our family. It's a lot better to talk about the things bothering you, and get it out. So many years were wasted by being angry and not talking to people as a result of that anger. Ego and foolish pride have caused problems in many a family, it's a shame those years have to be wasted for some people to learn from it. :(

Dad was a great guy. Been gone 23 years and I still miss him.

January 8, 2009

Footprints of Hope

Going the whole route looked too hard -- until someone said to me,
"One step at a time."
So I looked ahead, along the path marked by the footprints of hope,
commitment, and action.
All around me were many happy, sober people who had walked that path.
Listening intently to their stories, I heard some more horrifying than mine . . .
It was plain that all these alcoholics had once felt the same hopelessness,
fear, pain, and anger I had experienced.
It was also obvious that people with drinking troubles like mine
could come out of them and -- unbelievable as it seemed at first -- laugh at them!

Thought to Ponder....

Take the first step in faith.
You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.







That's the only thing that worked for me. I couldn't see myself staying sober for any lenght of time. I could do it for a month or so, just to "prove" it was possible. But the lure of drinking and getting high was too much, and I always fell back. The concept of a sober life seemed impossible to me.

Then I went to rehab, and meetings. It was explained to me all I had to focus on was 24 hours at a time, made it much easier. Take that 24, repeat every day, and you have a record of sobriety. It helps with your humbleness not to lay it out there too much when the years of sobriety start to accumulate. Yeah, I do have a bunch of years, but I firmly believe all that coule turn around tomorrow with the wrong attitude and behavior.

Going to meetings helps me keep that memory green.It proves to me that there are people who don't believe that, and have to go back out in the streets, hit bottom again, and prove it to themselves that its a simple comcept that we alcoholics and addicts sometimes complicate.

We could achieve any reasonable goal we want to do - get sober, lose weight, have better relationships with our significant others and families, further our careers, set a goal to get our personal best striped bass, if we just break it down to one day at a time.

January 9, 2009

Gratitude

I try hard to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart
cannot entertain great conceits.
When brimming with gratitude,
one's heartbeat must surely result in ongoing love,
the finest emotion that we can ever know.


Thought to Ponder....

I am grateful for this minute. My eternity may be in it.





Gratitude is a great thing to talk about. When I first came into the rooms, it was the last thing on my mind. I couldn't drink or get high anymore, how the eff was I supposed to be grateful! :burn: I wanted sobriety, but as anyone who has been in the grips knows, the first few weeks ain't too pleasant. We miss drinking, the bahaviors associated with it, our old drinking buddies, people, places and things.

Until we start realizing that people places and things almost got us killed, and taking a sober look at the effect our behavior had on us and those around us. Gratitude for me started when I realized that the "one day at a time" junk was actually working. Hey, what the hell, give it shot for a few more days, whattya got to lose, right? :D

And then I began to feel the effects of being sober, the positive effects. No longer worried that I might crash a car, miss another family outing because I didn't feel like being around people, or get in another stupid argument with the dysfunctional people who pushed your buttons.

A lot of people talk about the beauty and comfort of the program, and it does exist. But at first it's terrifying, you're asked to do things that you never did before, and gradually to look at yourself and do some serious self analysis. It really sucks, and is more difficult than we could imagine, especially in the beginning. But that's because we are usually holding onto old ideas, and not focusing on the gratitude.

I am very grateful for the fellowship and the friends I have made through the program today. they have helped me without even knowing me sometimes. They have listened when I thought no one cared. This help and gratitudes have helped me to repair the torn relationships with some of my family members, at least the ones that were able to be repaired.

I am grateful that I no longer waste my time on things that go nowhere, and can channel my energy toward positive things. And very grateful that I was able to repair and prosper in some of the relationships I have. People sometimes die without you getting a chance to do that.

I am grateful for my health as I wake up every morning.

These things can all be taken away from you in an instant, you never know. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, even in sobriety. That's why it's good to be grateful, one day at a time.

January 10, 2009

Happiness

The simplicity of the AA program teaches me
that happiness isn't something I can "demand."
It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others.
In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed,
I find that my own sobriety has been recharged
with indescribable gratitude and happiness.



Thought to Ponder....

Happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination.




Words of wisdom in that thought. So many uf us have beern focused on a time in the future when we will be happy, let's not forget about today. I have been busy doing some stuff, and feel like it's dragging me down, not enough hours in a day. I wish I had 48 hours. Then, if I had 48, the alcoholic in me would convince me I need 72 hours. ;)

Just for today, I am trying to be happy, and grateful. Even when I'm not happy, it's my obligation to try to be. We can be happy for small things also. I'm happy this thread has reached 100 posts, and is past 10 pages. It's helping me, and I hope it's helping others.

I missed a meeting last night because I had to work late, such is life. We keep what we have by giving it away. Helping others in a jam teaches us to be selfless, and that it could always be worse.

January 11, 2009



Tradition One

"Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on AA unity."
We stay whole, or AA dies. Without unity, the heart of AA would cease to beat . . .
Back again in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say,
"What a great thing AA might have been!"




This definitely rings true for me. The meeting process seems organized, but go to any large meeting, and you will see a dozen cliques. People who only come to get laid, people who are there because probation or the court says they have to be, people who are there, but distracted because they can't be without a cigarette for an hour. You can always find negative examples wherever you look. Some newcomers have complained to me about the cliques, and that some people seem more serious than others.

If you want recoverty, you have to reach for it, it won't come to you. So find the people who are interested in the same things as you, and stick with them. Offer to get involved, make a coffee committment, or stick around for the business meeting once a month afterwards. The AA and NA organizations have been around for years now, but any organization needs support of the members. Contribute either with your labor, feedback, or by helping a newcomer, and you'll reap good positive rewards.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DarkSkies

Words of wisdom in that thought. So many uf us have beern focused on a time in the future when we will be happy, let's not forget about today. I have been busy doing some stuff, and feel like it's dragging me down, not enough hours in a day. I wish I had 48 hours. Then, if I had 48, the alcoholic in me would convince me I need 72 hours. ;)

Just for today, I am trying to be happy, and grateful. Even when I'm not happy, it's my obligation to try to be. We can be happy for small things also. I'm happy this thread has reached 100 posts, and is past 10 pages. It's helping me, and I hope it's helping others.

I missed a meeting last night because I had to work late, such is life. We keep what we have by giving it away. Helping others in a jam teaches us to be selfless, and that it could always be worse.

---

I have been reading this thread for a while know. I am a pretty private person. I think it is fair to say that I only talk about my family history or the private moments of my life with only a few people. I have known them for years trust them completely.

What touched me here today was the thread by darkskies about Happiness.

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

The part I am having trouble with in my life is over coming the powerful thoughts of sadness. Darkskies summed it up with one sentence, "Be happy with the small things". This somehow opened up a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe he's right. In time the complete picture will close with total happiness . . . One day at a time.


To Mick2360:

I had an alcoholic father. He died about 3 years ago. The last 12 years of his life he was sober and attended regular AA meetings. I made peace with him at the end of his life.

However, I never truly understood the power or feelings associated with alcohol. You gave me insight into what he was dealing with all those years.

"Mick 2360 - Mostly, I remember the shame. I would black out and say or do things that i didn't recollect. I would have to call a friend and ask what I did or if I owed anyone an apology. I started losing my car and had to get a ride to check my hangouts. I was the life of the party until, more and more, I was the last one standing, watching the sun come up all alone. And there was the sickness, the shakes and the horrible headaches. I started to get up early to hit a bar on the way into work, hanging out with the third shift guys, drinking a beer to kill the shakes and the sickness. It was along way from the good times but I was at it so long it seemed normal."

Thank you it helped me realize that the alcohol controlled him. His wonderful character was just buried inside.

Rich, Happy 2009, my friend. This thread is taking root and it will provide comfort and inspiration to those of us who have to deal, in one way or another, with alcoholism. Keep up the good work. I'll try to support this thread more regularly. Looking forward to seeing you in the spring. :HappyWave:

Katie, Thanks for the kind words. I'm honored that any of my thoughts gave you an understanding of your Dad's affliction. So much of recovering from alcohol is learning to slow down and begin to allow others into our lives without the need to control. As an Adult Child of Alcoholics (ACOA), you would have a lot to offer. I'm glad that you posted and made yourself known.

We are developing a small but steady sober community here and all who have been afflicted by alcohol, either directly or through relationships, are welcome.:)

January 12, 2009

Reprieve

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels.
We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon our spiritual condition.
Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will
into all of our activities.
"How can I best serve Thee -- Thy will (not mine) be done."


Thought to Ponder....

The will of God will never take me where the grace of God will not protect me.




This is good stuff, it shows our disease is cunning baffling and powerful. It's not a good idea to get complacent, because the disease and more pain are waiting just around the corner. It's easy to rest on the cloud 9 of a good sober day, week, or month, and not feel we need to work on ourselves.

That's why the steps are important. The program gives you a foundation, and the steps and spirituallity are the framework for building a new life. The step work is hard, sometimes it's even harder believing in a higher power when there is so much evil and disregard for others in this world. Butr you must press on, and try to get some kind of spirituality in your life, if you really want to grow as a person.

One of the people who inspires me is JimmyZ, I hope I don't embarass him by saying that. This guy rolls with the punches, he''s has a lot of setbacls in life, and seems to get through them. His faith in God seems solid, while mine wavers from time to time. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...ons/icon11.gif

If anyone out there is struggling with faith, remember that it's not a required part of the program, agnostics are welcome too. Your higher power can be a coffee cup, or people you trust in ans confide in.

I think the important part is you need to believe in something, what that thing is, is your choice. I believe in God because soometimes I was so messed up, I shouldn't have woken uup in the morning. I'm lucky I didn't die from all the different substances I put in my body. I didn't, while others weren't so lucky, and they're dead now.

So I believe I am still here, by the grace of God. I have ot have some gratitude for that, and others who thought I was worth saving, and helped when I reached out asking for help.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by katiefishes

I have been reading this thread for a while know. I am a pretty private person. I think it is fair to say that I only talk about my family history or the private moments of my life with only a few people. I have known them for years trust them completely.

What touched me here today was the thread by darkskies about Happiness.

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

---

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jonthepain

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

---

Nice post of the Joe Walsh song, I didn't know he sang that.
Katie, your post was moving. My father was also an alcoholic. It must have been an effort to share that, good job. :clapping:

I learned years ago, not to hold any reservations, or "yets". I did at one time, and set myself up for failure. Today I believe there isn't an option called drinking.
I never forget where I came from, that last day out there. That is my reality, if I choose to drink again.
I know today, there is another way to live. That I was put on this Earth for a purpose, an Divine purpose. And one thing is for sure, if I did not hit that bottom, I would not be where I am today. And that is a miracle.:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jimmy z

I learned years ago, not to hold any reservations, or "yets". I did at one time, and set myself up for failure. Today I believe there isn't an option called drinking.
I never forget where I came from, that last day out there. That is my reality, if I choose to drink again.
I know today, there is another way to live. That I was put on this Earth for a purpose, an Divine purpose. And one thing is for sure, if I did not hit that bottom, I would not be where I am today. And that is a miracle.:)

---

I wouldn't give up my time drinking for anything. As strange as that sounds and for all of the suffering I caused, to others and myself, I appreciate so much more what I have today by remembering the drinking time. When I was drinking I was a wretch. I looked good and always had a nice home but my life was chaos and I was not a decent man. I believe my recovery was a gift from God and my obligation is to be present for others in need, however they may present themselves to me.

It may sound trite but I believe that at the end of my days, I will be called on to give an accounting of my life. My alcoholism is my greatest burden and my greatest gift; it defined my shame and provided my Everest. Every day away from drink gets better. And I want to be ready when my path crosses that of anyone who is put there to receive my help. :)

Well said.

January 13, 2009

Isolation

Isolation is bad for new people, old people, and in-between people
if they are alcoholic people. Isolation sneaks up on us.
We can mask it with familiar props that are not in themselves bad.
We can isolate ourselves in an attempt to clean up our apartments
(and then not do the cleaning);
we can isolate ourselves in churches or in sleep; we can use family,
sweethearts, compulsive working, television. The list is long.
The nicest way to end it is the way you and I do: together.
Reach out -- people can't read your mind.
Say ouch! Someone hears. Always.


Thought to Ponder....

Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives.



This hits home. I'm guilty of this. It describes me, and the relationships I have had with my family, and at times other people I'm close to. :embarassed: There are some people out there who always need to surround themselves with others. A good friend I went to high school with had parties all the time, any excuse, and always seemed to be buying a new toy that involved 4 or 5 of us coming over to the garage to check out.

I'm the opposite end of the spectrum, pretty independent, do what I want, go where I want to go. I fish alone a lot because I like the solitude, I get a chance to do some good thinking and self-analysis. In the past I realized that people don't always have the same likes you do, so I learned to go places by myself. Went to hardcore shows with friends sometimes, other times I went by myself if I wantefd to see the band and no one else wanted to go. I made friends along the way, but it was always easier to roll by mysself.

A good friend fishes like that too, says he doesn't want the responsibility or committment oof fishin and having to stay at one place for any amount of time. I think that's one of the key things about it, when you're by yourself you only have responsibility for yourself.

Sometimes it's easier to handle things that way, much simpler. The danger is the other side ofn it, which I know all too well. It's easy to take that sense of independence, and convince yourself you don't need anybody in life, or if you try to reach out to people and it doesn't work out for some reason, effumall! :2flip: ;)

There should be a realization there that relationships with people take work.

Sometimes seem like they're not worth it, so we as alcoholics and addicts stagnate in our own world. There have been times, especially in the winter, with the added affect of SAD and days with low light, where I have fallen into deep depression. There were times I would come home from work on a Friday, and go to bed until monday morning. I would get up to hit the bathroom, or eat, otherwise the TV and bed was my world.

I'm past that now, but its all too easy for me to fall back. I stopped watching TV, sometimes sleep on the floor instead of the bed because I don't want to get too comfortable. I know that I have to keep busy on the weekends, or it's easy to isolate again, especially in the winter.

"Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives. "

This is definitely true, at least in my case. I guess the main point here is there is a difference between being independent, and isolation.

If you recognize any of the above signs in yourself, you may be experriencing clinical depression. If you know anyone who is doing that, try to reach out to them and ask them to go outdoors, go someplace with you. Being outdoors and in the sun is just the ticket sometimes.

You probably won't be able to get them to talk about it unless they want to. Statistically, winter and the holiday season is the time when most suicides happen. The best you can do is reach a hand out. They might not take it, but then again they may say yes.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by katiefishes

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

The part I am having trouble with in my life is over coming the powerful thoughts of sadness. Darkskies summed it up with one sentence, "Be happy with the small things". This somehow opened up a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe he's right. In time the complete picture will close with total happiness . . . One day at a time.



....Thank you it helped me realize that the alcohol controlled him. His wonderful character was just buried inside.

---

Katie, some very good stuff you wrote there. I identify with it because I have been there, and still feel that way at times, even as the years in recovery accumulate.

I don't like to quote the Bible because other people know a lot more about it than I do. I do remember some kind of passage in there about struggles, and turmoil - ..."this too shall pass".

When things are bad, for us, or we feel overwhelmed by sadness, it's good to get it out there and share it with people. I knew a few people who wouldn't be in the cemetary now if they could have opened up a little more about what was going in in their lives.

It was nice of you to share it with us. :thumbsup:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mick2360

I believe my recovery was a gift from God and my obligation is to be present for others in need, however they may present themselves to me.

It may sound trite but I believe that at the end of my days, I will be called on to give an accounting of my life. My alcoholism is my greatest burden and my greatest gift; it defined my shame and provided my Everest. Every day away from drink gets better. And I want to be ready when my path crosses that of anyone who is put there to receive my help. :)

---

You have a way with words, Mick, short and to the point, but they ring true. :thumbsup: The thing about being an alcoholic or addict is we effed up a lot, amd made some big mistakes. That also allows us to repair our lives and some of the damage we caused through the practices and principles of AA/NA.

And the free counselling! Some people don't get that free, hard hitting feedback from others without paying $150/hr. We get it for free, as long as we remain willing to listen to feedback from other recovering drunks and addicts. :wheeeee:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jonthepain

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

---

Jon, great clip! I didn't know he did that song either. I met him at the 2nd Woodstock, I went up to him, said "Hey, aren't you Joe W?"
He said "Shhhhhh!" Like a guy who looks like him could go around undercover. :laugh: But he was cool, and he's a survivor. Hats off to Joe, and all of us keepin it real, one day at a time. :clapping:

I found this clip with Joe and Sam Kinison on the Stern show, about 20 years back. Sam was great in his own way, and so was Joe, but Sam's dead, and Joe is keepin on, ODAT.

Tonight in I was talking to a guy told a story of his wife having an affair while they were still married. Seems like booze was a constant in his life yet he could not understand his wife's disloyalty. We talked about it for a long time. My heart went out to him.

Once, long ago, I lost a woman that I loved. She told me, "You can have booze or you can have me. There isn't room for the three of us." And she was right.

I miss the feeling of sitting at the edge of the bar with my hand on the wood of the bar and my feet on the rungs of the stool. I felt such balance there. I used to love the third drink. The first was to kill the want, the second to settle me and the third....well, the third was where the numb started. I used to like numb. A lot.

Today, that is far behind me and yet it influences every day of my life. I still have a hard time with feelings and I have to remind myself that I am capable and can meet the needs of those i choose to be close with. In a minute, I'm going to click the send button and fall off to sleep with my lovely bride right next to me. I have found a woman to love. She is patient when I am clumsy or shallow. And it is just like my friend said when she said goodbye so long ago. There isn't room for three of us. Words to live by. :heart:

January 14, 2009

Tradition Three

"The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."

Tradition Three defines the personal liberty of the AA member.
It says, in effect, that any alcoholic can be an AA member the moment he says so.
Neither can any of us deprive him of that membership,
no matter what his behavior. . .
Every AA newcomer feels at once that he is wanted and trusted and loved.


Thought to Ponder....

AA is like an adjustable wrench; it fits almost any nut.



"fits almost any nut" That works for me. :laugh: :clapping: This shows me and others that no matter how effed up we are, or were, there is a place where we can get better. Free therapy with other nuts, in a nut house, or room of assorted nuts. What could be better? :D



"Chief's got his hand up!"

A great movie. Maybe a better book. The Chief has a line that reflects my drinking career perfectly, although I may not remember it as well as it was written: "When I started drinking I was taking a drink out of the bottle. At the end of my drinking the bottle was taking a drink out of me."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mick2360

A great movie. Maybe a better book. The Chief has a line that reflects my drinking career perfectly, although I may not remember it as well as it was written: "When I started drinking I was taking a drink out of the bottle. At the end of my drinking the bottle was taking a drink out of me."

---

Great point, Mick, at the time I hit bottom I convinced myself my problem was pot and other drugs, if I could only get a handle on them, I would be able to get a handle on my drinking. How f'ed up was that? The drinking was central to my addiction all along, but I was lookking for an excuse to keep at least one of my vices.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful, yes it is.

Someone said something at a meeting the other night - "Pain is inevitable, suffering is not." Eventually we learn not to bang our heads against the wall anymore.

The cukkoo's nest is a great movie to pull clips from. Here''s another one where Jack is made a laughingstock by all the other nutcases.

Classic Jack - at the end he says - "at least I tried" :thumbsup:



The nuts go fishin :clapping:

Isolation was always a big problem for me. Always feeling that I didn't fit in. But that was how I felt, at that time in my life. It was difficult for me to have any type of positive relationship, because of all the negative feeling inside of me.
Well, today I know I can't do this alone, and instead of pushing people away from me, I need them in my life today. :)

January 15, 2009

Survey

We should make an accurate and really exhaustive survey of our past life
as it has affected other people.
In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others
has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has.
Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts
persist below the level of consciousness.




This rings true, at least for me. In our addiction to alcohol, we made tons of mistakes, we disappointed people all the time, broken promises, disresprect, and failed attempts at sobriety. This not only affected us, but friends and family around us. Entering into and achieving sobriety does not make all this go away, we have to make amands to those we stepped on and hurt. It doesn't get all better with a magic process the moment we get sober, that's just the beginning of puttiiiing our lives back together.

Amends, or trying to make amends, is importsnt. It's one of the beginning steps on a healing process. I was at a reunion a while ago, a guy I hadn't seen in many years said something negative about when we used to work together. He was kind of a trouble maker, and I chased him out of the store one day. I could see he was still mad about it, even though so many years had passed. I could have justified that he desreved it, but at seeing it still bothered him, just told him I was sorry, that it was in the past, but I was still apologizing for it, and taking responsibility.

That made a difference to him, and I was glad I did it. Only takes a few seconds to say "I'm sorry" but what a difference it makes. Too many people have forgotten those 2 words in this busy world we live in today, yet they are timeless. We spent the rest of the night having some good conversations, and some laughs about the past. Being stubborn abd refusing to apologize would not have allowed us to have that conversation.

I also made amends to family members, in some cases going way beyond the original ddamage in terms of how I tried to repair the hurt feelings. In some cases I was overcompensating for the hurt I caused. Some of my family, in their sickness, felt it was time to collect on the lottery and became greedy. They didn't see my efforts for what they were because they were still sick, so they justified taking advantage of me. I saw it coming and learned from it.
That's why working the steps is a good part ofr any program. someone said something at a meeting the other night - "Buy into the program or you won't get anything out of it"

You can stay sober by going to meetings and not picking up, one day a t a time. But growth comes from self-analysis, introspection, and the willingness to work on character defects.


Amends are not always possible, but in the words of Jack Nicholson, "..at least I tried". :thumbsup:

One of our members suggested that this thread be moved to the Main Forum. Suggestions are always welcome. It seems like folks are being helped, so I will move it. Keep up the good work, guys. :clapping: