Thanks, dogfish.
Believe me, it's all Grace.
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Thanks, dogfish.
Believe me, it's all Grace.
Jon, keep up the good work, ODAT. :thumbsup:
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Today's thought from Hazelden is:
We are what we are.
--Motto of Lake Wobegon, Garrison Keillor
Sometimes we devote so much effort to being what we are not, that we lose the chance to be what we are. We have one identity for this person and another for that one. Our co-workers, neighbors, friends, and family all expect different things of us, leaving us wondering who we actually are. How can we be so many different things to so many people?
God wants us to be only who we are. We were created with unique characteristics for a purpose, even if that purpose isn't always clear to us. We need to be who we really are, and to be the best we can be, knowing that God approves because God created us as we are.
I will be the best me that I know how to be.
I've struggled with this in my life. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I see there are different expectations from different members. It's frustrating as hell sometimes. Like the reading says, just be the best that you can be. Don't worry about the other stuff.
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Worry and Stress
"I'm learning it's what I do with my today that counts," said one group member. "I can make this a day to remember or a day to regret just by the kinds of thoughts I have about it.
"Let me explain what happened to make me realize this," he continued. "Two days ago, I woke up grumbling about my sorry lot in life. My divorce, my bills, and a recent argument with a close friend haunted me. Throughout the whole day I nursed my woes and convinced myself that this was just another rotten day. And do you know what? That's exactly what it turned out to be! Nothing went right. I even had a second argument with another friend who called to cheer me up.
"Yesterday, I overheard someone say that a person is made or unmade by what he thinks. I thought about this for a while and decided to try it out today. Instead of greeting the day with my usual, 'Good God, morning!' I consciously said, 'Good morning, God!' with the expectation that it would be a good day. And that's what it's been. I even called my two friends to apologize for my previous terrible mood, and I had a warm and friendly conversation with them both!"
TODAY I will lift up my thoughts. In expecting nothing but good to come to me, that is exactly what I will receive.
Amen. :thumbsup:
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.
--Swedish proverb
During our illness, we hurt others. We hurt ourselves. We messed up a lot. So, a lot of us come into recovery not trusting ourselves very much. The truth is, as addicts, we couldn't be trusted.
But in recovery, we can be trusted again. We can again live and love ourselves. We do this by finding our spiritual center. This is the place inside of us where our Higher Power lives. We turn our will and our lives over to this spiritual center. We do as our spiritual center tells us. And from our spiritual center, we'll find our values. We'll live better lives. We'll come to trust ourselves again.
Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, thank you for helping me believe in myself again. I'll treat myself with love and kindness. I know You want me to.
Action for the Day
Today, I'll list four ways I couldn't be trusted during my addiction. I'll also list four ways I can now be trusted.
And as the old saying Goes, God helps those who help themselves. :thumbsup:
But sometimes we need to reach out ot others, and hope they hear what we are, or are not, saying.
Today is when, about 7 years ago, someone I knew took a shotgun and blew his head off. I always try to remember this date and reflect on how things might have turned out if only he reached out to people.
He was relatively successful, loved the outdoors, and had a decent business going. There were lots of people around him who cared. Yet, he had many demons inside and wouldn't open up about what was bothering him.
He was also a manic-depressive who hadn't come to terms with that illness.
So he decided the best course of action was to blow his brains out. He left behind a great deal of sadness and misery, and people who had to cope with him leaving forever.
Sad to hear of, sad to see.
I miss him. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon9.png
If you have such things going on inside your head, please think of those who you will leave behind. Please remember that it can get better, but only if you make the necessary steps to reach out and ask for help. Suicide ain't the answer.
This is the time of year that the highest % of people decide to kill themselves.
Thoughts and prayers.
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Learning stamps you with its moments.
--Eudora Welty
We never stop learning. We absorb information every waking moment. And while we sleep, we process what we encounter during the day. The conclusions we reach about these daily lessons will likely be based on the perception that dominates our lives. Do we perceive our experiences as for our good or for our undoing?
Since learning is ongoing, we are fortunate to have a more positive context within which to interpret our experiences. Alcoholics Anonymous, as well as other Twelve Step programs, offers us a set of guidelines to live by, which helps us interpret every moment.
We can anticipate what lies ahead, or we can dread it. What we learn from each experience reflects our attitude. Our commitment to the Twelve Steps determines it.
I will soak up the day like a sponge. My education is within my control. How lucky I am to have this program!
thanks, Rich, I needed that.
Also, please pray for my buddy John Murdaugh. He had a heart attack Friday. He died and it took them 15 minutes to revive him, but revive him they did.
He's got 4 stints and a balloon; they are taking the balloon out today.
He looks like hell.
Thanks,
Jon
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
--Bill Cosby
"Oh, how I wish my dad would get sober." "Oh, how I want my friend to get help with her eating problem." "Oh, how I wish I could make my mom understand."
When we become obsessed with how we want others to change, we put our own happiness on hold. As we wait, hoping and scheming about how to get others to see their many problems, we are neglecting ourselves. It's almost as if we think it's not fair for us to be happy when others are miserable. But when we detach with love, we still care, we still pray and wish for the best, but we know that other people's problems belong to them, not to us.
Today let me accept the fact that if I detach with love, no one will die from it. I'll just be more healthy and happy.
The only lives we have the power to change, are our own. :learn:
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Jon, Sorry to hear about your friend John Murdaugh. Dying and coming back to life isn't a chance that many of us get. Hats off to the medical professionals who worked on him for that 15 minutes. 15 minutes can be an eternity when someone codes. I had thought protocol is to give up sooner than that. Very lucky for him and his family.
If one is skeptical of God and miracles, I think this example would be something to give evidence of intervention by a higher power. He would be dead, if it were not for the grace of God. I truly believe that. I'll pray for him, and hope he's on the road to recovery.
Thanks Rich
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
All of my life I been like a doubled up fist... poundin', smashin', drivin' - now I'm going to loosen these doubled up hands and touch things easy with them.
--Tennessee Williams
Everyone has many sides. Some sides are highly developed and other sides aren't at all. We need not fear turning to a new side and exploring it. This recovery program has enabled us to pursue sides of ourselves that were closed before. When we were lost in our narrow world of codependency and addiction, we had fewer options. Now we have far greater access to our strength and our self-esteem, and we find new parts of ourselves.
Many of us have found relationships, which were never possible before, job choices we would never have had, and the pleasure of greater involvement in life. It is reassuring to see that we don't always have to give up one side of ourselves to add new ones.
Thanks to God for the many options opening up to me in this renewed life.
Amen.
Yer welcome, Jon.
Thanks for the phone message, D, you nut.
Just what I needed considering the wife hasn't talked to me in a week.
(ya I know it was a blessing for the first few days but it's getting annoying being treated like i'm not even here. :huh: And no I have absolutely no clue why.)
I might ask her sometime before Sunday (our 29th anniversary.)
Women are weird. :kooky:
(No offense Pebbles :o )
All the years I've been on this earth, and I'm still learning this. :o
One thing that's become very clear to me....
when you ask your lady what's wrong, and she says "Nothing!" and still has a sour look on her face, you're definitely in trouble.
One of the things I've learned is they want us to figure out why they're mad at us. That may seem unreasonable, after all we're not Kreskin. But if you think about it, it's usually related to something we did, or didn't do. We're supposed to know what disappoints them by a certain time in the relationship.
And bro, if ya don't know your wife after 29 years, you're definitely doomed! :laugh:
Seriously, though, I would review the basic list of things that **** them off...farting in the bed, leaving the toilet seat up, failure to do things you were supposed to do around the house. Ask yourself if ya goofed in an obvious area, and ya might see the light. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.png
If it's something else, maybe ya gotta dig deeper. :scared:
The one saving grace that works for me sometimes is humor. If you can get her to laugh, she might start talking to ya. Or maybe ask her advice on something you already know the answer to, a neutral subject, just to get her to talk.
You're pretty witty, I think you'll be able to get to the bottom of it. Good luck.
And if ya make it to Sunday, Happy Anniversary! 29 years is an achievement. Ya must have done some things right for her to still be with you after all this time. :thumbsup:
word upi'm doomedQuote:
And bro, if ya don't know your wife after 29 years, you're definitely doomed! :laugh:
yeah well you're half rightQuote:
You're pretty witty...
thanks! yeah 29 years is a looooong time :DQuote:
Happy Anniversary! 29 years is an achievement.
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Will Power - Our willingness to be used by a Higher Power.
--Alcoholics Anonymous
How many times have you wanted something very badly, only to realize at a later date that having it would have been a major disaster? Often we pursue a certain want or desire when the Universe has something entirely different planned - something, which is for our higher good.
For years, Ann wanted to run her own daycare center. An opportunity arose for her to buy a local business, but the deal fell through at the last minute. Bitterly disappointed, she could not understand why her heart's desire was denied her. Then one day, she and her husband found out about a business that was for sale in a city where they had always wanted to live. Within weeks, they bought the business and moved to their new location. Ann gave thanks that the first opportunity did not work out.
From our earthly vantage point, we can't always see the big picture. We are like mice running in an open field, sensing what is in front of our noses. Only from the perspective of the eagle can the entire landscape be viewed.
Fortunately, there is a part of yourself that can see like the eagle. You can turn over your life and your plans to that higher vision, and then say with assurance, "It's all God's work. It's all in God's hands. And I am at peace with this."
Like Jon often says, "It's all grace". :learn:
Re:Anniversary
Jon, ya can't be serious! :scared:
Surely you can't be both a half-wit, and doomed. :rolleyes:
I have every confidence that in the next 24 hours you'll figure out why she's mad.
Best wishes.
Note to self: Call hairdresser and ask her to call me and let me know when the wife's been there for a cut and dye. :o
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Every Christmas I hope for the best but expect the worst.
--Adult child group member
As bells ring out and carols echo everywhere, we should not be surprised if our spirits take a nosedive. It isn't that we don't understand the meaning of Christmas, or that we reject it, but rather that the idealized version of what Christmas should be has often times been denied us. We may come to resent the fact that all this good cheer seems to be for other people, not us.
Our experiences may have had little to do with family togetherness around a glowing fireplace, loving conversation, and delighted laughter. Such scenes feel like an affront if there has been no family closeness, perhaps no gifts, and little or no overt love. Of course it's wrenching when our own experience clashes so painfully with advertised reality!
But every day is a chance for new experience. We can choose today to create the good cheer that wasn't created for us. It's too late to change yesterday's disappointment, but, if we choose, we can make this holiday season the one we'll remember.
I have made a conscious decision to leave past Christmases in the past. Today, I will begin to plan a celebration.
Growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household, you soon learn that holidays are not what you usually see on TV. There are fights, disappointments, bad feelings, all sorts of things like that. You begin to accept that the holiday blowups are normal, this becomes an accepted part of life.
As we move forward in recovery, we need to get beyond that to a new reality. Make your own experiences...don't be chained down by ones in your past. :learn:
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The feeling of belonging is a gift.
The feeling of belonging - knowing that we have a place - is one of the most important gifts that two partners can give to each other. When we agree to commit ourselves to a partnership, we give each other the key to our daily lives. We allow our mate to be there with us in a way we would not let others. That means that we can expect to have a place that does not have to be renegotiated every day. This feeling of belonging is a gift, but it must be received. In essence, we say to our partner, "I take my place here in your life because we have our relationship. I will relax. I don't stand at the door and knock. We have already told each other that we are included in each other's lives."
This sense of belonging stands in sharp contrast to those feelings of isolation and alienation that we can feel in so many ways. It does not mean that one partner owns the other or that no boundary or separateness exists. But the joy of connection frees people in relationships to fulfill themselves and carry on their lives while in the close comfort of one they love.
Tell your partner how you know you have a place in her or his life.
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Jon, I can't believe ya didn't notice she colored her hair! :scared: :beatin:
Don't feel bad, I've been there too. :o
Happy 29th anniversary to you both!
rofl thanks
i never notice **** like that
see ya
jc
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Forgiveness is all-powerful. Forgiveness heals all ills.
--Catherine Ponder
Getting mad at someone, a friend perhaps, is normal. Everybody gets mad sometimes. But when we stay mad for very long, it ruins all the fun we'd planned on having throughout the day. Staying mad multiplies. Sometimes it seems we are mad at the dog, our mom, another friend, even the TV.
Forgiving the people we're mad at works like magic. We don't even have to forgive them out loud. We can forgive them in our own minds. The result is the same. Pretty soon the whole day looks bright again. When we're mad, we are the ones who suffer most.
Who can I forgive today, and make my day a better one?
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
One needs something to believe in, something for which one can have wholehearted enthusiasm.
--Hannah Senesh
Life offers little if we sit passively in the midst of activity. Involvement is a prerequisite if we are to grow. For our lives' purposes we need enthusiasm; we need enthusiasm in order to greet the day expectantly. When we look toward the day with anticipation, we are open to all the possibilities for action.
We must respond to our possibilities if we are to mature emotionally and recover spiritually. Idly observing life from the sidelines guarantees no development beyond our present level. We begin to change once we start living up to our commitment to the program - its possibilities and our purpose - and it's that change, many days over, that moves us beyond the negative, passive outlook of days gone by.
The program has offered us something to believe in. We are no longer the people we were. So much more have we become! Each day's worth of recovery carries us closer to fulfilling our purpose in life.
I believe in recovery, my own; when I believe in success, I'll find it. There is magic in believing.
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Jon, very happy to hear that, You're not in the doghouse anymore! I hear the temps are frigid in NC. But apparently not in your house that night at 2am. :wheeeee:
I guess forgetting to notice her hair cut and hair dye was forgiven.