rofl
Printable View
rofl
Moving Forward
Much as we would like, we cannot bring everyone with us on this journey called recovery. We are not being disloyal by allowing ourselves to move forward. We don't have to wait for those we love to decide to change as well.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to grow, even though the people we love are not ready to change. We may even need to leave people behind in their dysfunction or suffering because we cannot recover for them. We don't need to suffer with them.
It doesn't help.
It doesn't help for us to stay stuck just because someone we love is stuck. The potential for helping others is far greater when we detach, work on ourselves, and stop trying to force others to change with us.
Changing ourselves, allowing ourselves to grow while others seek their own path, is how we have the most beneficial impact on people we love. We're accountable for ourselves. They're accountable for themselves. We let them go, and let ourselves grow.
Today, I will affirm that it is my right to grow and change, even though someone I love may not be growing and changing alongside me.
******
Sometimes you can't fix a loved one or someone close to you.
As JimmyZ says, it is what it is......
And it's important to our sobriety to be able to recognize this, and move on.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.png...
Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.
--Anne Frank
Anne Frank had good reason to be unhappy, full of fear, and deeply discouraged. Years of her life were spent in a small apartment hiding from the Nazis who wanted to destroy her and her family.
Yet even in this little hiding place she had happiness. It was something she had inside which did not depend on what happened around her. She had riches of the heart. She had faith that kept her going. She had love and concern for her family and others, which made even a restricted life very rich with feelings. It is tempting to believe that we will be happy when we have something outside ourselves, which will make us happy. But happiness is not something we have to find outside; the seeds are in our hearts already.
***********
I find the highlighted passage above to be particularly meaningful. A lot of people search for fulfillment with material things, accumulating more and more.
Today, Pebbles and I had the best day driving around and hardly spent any money at all, just having a good time. Those are the most precious gifts you can give someone, the gift of your time, Try to be happy from within, and if you have lost your way try to fake it till you make it. :learn:
I really think that makes alot of sense Rich and I agree some of the best times me and Kam have had were just being alone(although with the in law situation that has become virtually impossible) I understand how she feels about her parents well about everyone thats just the way she is.When we stayed in our camper from april till November most of our friends didn't understand our choice(granted we don't have your average camper) but always meeting new people,sharing their stories just not being around the same surroundings all the time relieved so much stress you cannot imagine it.I really miss it and it has taken me down another notch and I really don't need this right now if you know what I mean we have talked.
Be aware of wonder.
--Robert Fulghum
We have days when we experience the small coincidences in life - our car breaks down and we run into an old friend at the service station; we're thinking about someone and she calls just because we've been on her mind; we ask ourselves a question and the answer appears on the side of a bus or out of the mouth of a stranger at the bus stop. These serendipitous events usually leave us with at least a bit of awe.
The more serendipity we have in our life, the more spiritually connected we are. We're tuned in, attentive, aware, and detached. We're getting responses to questions and meeting the people we need to be with at just the right moments. We couldn't have planned it better. We couldn't have planned it at all.
Serendipity is a sign that we're letting the universe organize the events that lead to answered questions and fulfilled dreams. Life becomes a process of unraveling a mystery.
Today I will recognize the serendipity in the day's events.
*****************
How's this for coincidences? The other night before the hurricane I was up on a roof making sure a temporary patch would hold. Walking across the yard was a guy I went to high school with and haven't seen since.We all used to get high and drunk big time back then.
We have mutual friends who have died from drugs or alcohol. He told me he was sober for a few years and just started drinking again....
We had some good talks on life and our perspectives. :cool:
Is it a mere coincidence he showed up on that lawn? I don't think so...
******************
Rich, as to your camper, it seems like it was your therapy, the way you describe it.
I hope things turn around so you and your wife can get it on the road again, I think you will really benefit. If you can't fish at least God may have it in his plans that you 2 can travel again. I'm pumped every time I take a Nomad trip, whether I catch fish or not.
Being on the road, it pulses new life into my arteries....:drool:
Hoping for the best for you 2, one day at a time....
The greatest therapy for us anyways it's not for everyone we are going away at the end of the month to see my son play football in Virginia 5 days away & yes we need it no camper but its away.
A.A. Thought for the Day
Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burden of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives us mad. It is the remorse or bitterness from something that happened yesterday or the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Am I living one day at a time?
Meditation for the Day
I give God the gift of a thankful heart. When life seems hard, I look for some reasons for thankfulness. If I seek diligently for something to be glad and thankful about, I will acquire in time the habit of being constantly grateful for all God's blessings.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may be constantly reminded of causes for sincere gratitude.
***********
All we have control over is today.
Live it well, use the hours wisely.
Today, once gone, cannot be repeated. (Sanskrit proverb)
********
Rich, I imagine you're looking forward to that time watching your son play football. New environment for a few days, away from the troubles for a short while....hoping for the best.... :)
Amen to that
He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare.
--Ai Ibn-Abu-Talib
When we entered recovery, we had buddies we drank or used with and people we hung out with, but often no one we could really call a friend. For a long time, we hadn't been "friend material." Too poor in body, mind, and spirit to be generous, we weren't even a friend to ourselves; how could we be a friend to someone else? Finally, we just gave up on having friends. Our attitude became, "Who needs them anyway?"
Then we began to recover and one day realized we had friends. Good friends. Friends worth loving. And the most amazing thing of all; they loved us too. We could have a friend. We could be a friend. No longer unreliable and ungenerous, we could give of ourselves. No longer needing to buy another's love, we can accept love from others. No longer suspicious about other people's motives, we can accept friendship.
In learning to love ourselves and others, we began to accept that other people could love us, too. Now we can trust ourselves to be good to our friends. With a growing circle of people to choose from, we can risk being ourselves. Knowing that whatever happens, we can handle it. What a wonderful feeling of security and confidence we have now that we've found friends.
Today help me appreciate my friends, and help me be a good friend to others.
*************
The corollary to this is...if you are a good friend to others, you will build a circle of good friends around you. :learn:
You don't need thousands of friends. Or do you?
Ask someone who has thousands of "friends" on facebook how many of those thousands really "know" them, and would respond to help them in the middle of the night, if they really were in trouble. I'll bet that answer would be a small number, as many friends are only acquaintances that vanish when the troubles mount in your life. A big part of that is being the best friend you can. If someone needs your help desperately, you should help them, if you can.
Unfortunately, there are also a lot of people who live their lives selfishly. There is nothing we can do about that. However, far better to have a small group of friends you can count on and who you mean something to, than be known by thousands. JMO.http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.png
Those bonds that you form are the basis for a foundation of true friendship. I really believe that.
Don't be a Victim
Some people refer to us as victims of our problems, but we should not accept such labeling. A better term for us is survivors.
Working in step with our Higher Power, we should view ourselves as capable of rising above all the challenges and conditions that confront us. If we call ourselves victims, we'll soon be inviting more people and situations to victimize us. As survivors, however, we will always learn to sail through the roughest storms.
Looking at the general world situation, it does seem realistic to say that lots of people are victims. But we must always take into account the vast power that resides in every human soul. People have tremendous power to change their conditions, and when word of this finally gets around, we'll see a worldwide spiritual awakening that will change everything for the better.
Whatever I'm facing today, I'll know that the spirit within me also gives me the qualities I need to survive.
*************************
A lot of times in this thread, we've talked about helping others, and in doing so helping yourself. We might have bad circumstances, but if we refuse to see ourselves as victims we can rise above almost anything.
The other side of that is to avoid people who would victimize, or people who don't know how to give of themselves, only to take. Surround yourself with positive people, and you will be on a more positive path. :learn:
When you know a thing, to hold that you know it, and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it: this is knowledge.
-- Confucius
How is it we can hear so much better after we have worked our Steps? Does someone clean the wax out of our ears at night? We find ourselves able to listen to what people are actually saying, not just what we think they are saying. Our Program teaches us not to judge words before or after they are spoken. We leave judging to God. We try to learn from everybody, for each person we meet has knowledge.
Knowledge has become available to us as never before. We no longer fear new ideas and opinions which are not our own. Our recovery becomes deeper each moment we open our minds to new ideas.
Knowledge is freely offered. In turn, I keep myself growing and accepting the knowledge that comes my way.
When I don't know something, I admit it. Knowing that I don't know is also knowledge.
********************
Some people profess to know it all.
I would rather tell someone that I'm not sure, than bluff my way through something in an arrrogant manner.
One thing I can't explain is the popularity of this thread, 16,000 views and growing. :whoo: I would have thought this thread would have limited demographic interest, much like those wordy conservation posts I'm known to post up around here...go figure.:don't know why:
The only thing I can think of is that in this thread there is some brutal honesty, about me, others with addiction/alcoholism problems, family problems, dysfunctionality problems, etc. So either people are tuning in to see where this train wreck is going....:rolleyes: or some are actually anonymously getting something out of the posts here. Whatever it is, welcome to all. :HappyWave:
Change of Scenery...
Sent in by Taz, thanks! :HappyWave:
Change of scene has no effect upon unconscious conflicts.
Where ever you go your *** comes with you,are there are things rotting your spirit like a cancer,
That sickness is progressive (spiritually) like a silent monster fueled by all the **** you don’t talk about,
Unconscious conflicts are echoes of guidance from our higher power like a to do list
The choice is CLEAR!
Listen to your conscious contact,take direction,face your fears and enjoy life on life’s terms ....
Or
The cancer produces....
1. Fear,anger,resentment,lust,procrastination,emptine ss, FEAR OF DEATH,
2. No sense of direction,lack of satisfaction in anything we do,hence
THE PURSUIT OF MONEY,PROPERTY,and PRESTIGE.
Doing nothing is a choice to suffer ,keeping the shame cycle in place
If your choice is #2, those aren’t udders you're sucking on ...
LOVE IS A CHOICE
almost 100 pages
congrats
i wonder what west wind wally would have to say about that
I don't always get to know why things happen.
I may spend hours, even days, trying to figure out why bad things have happened to me. I may get caught up in trying to understand other people, situations, and even my own thoughts.
Today I will accept that I don't have to know why things are the way they are. Instead I can pay attention to healing, growing, and learning.
***************
This is good advice for 9/11 survivors, and anyone who seems to continually have bad luck, or attracting tragic occurrences.
***********
^^ Yup, Jon, never had an idea this thread would get so big. :bigeyes:
It's also got almost 16k views, I think only last week it was at 15,000. :)
Almost everyone wants something for nothing.
--Marsha Sinetar
Bargains attract. Finding a good value excites us, and we share the news quickly. Wanting anything for free is human nature perhaps. However, we have had to learn again and again that you get what you pay for. This is true of human interactions too.
Why do we think that others will be there for us if we aren't available for them? Having friends means being a friend, even if it's time-consuming. Although friendship's rewards are indisputable, we still tend to wait, letting the other person make the first move. Getting the other person to commit first reduces our effort, perhaps, but we will still receive according to what we give.
Knowing and utilizing this principle simplifies our lives. Once we master it, we never forget it. And what we bring to our relationships will be given back to us.
I am willing to give to others what I want in return today. Their efforts will match my own.
*************
Some people bring nothing to the table in a relationship. It's a sad fact of life, but there are quite a few out there who are self-absorbed and we only hear from them when they want something specific. I have people in my family who act this way. This makes it easy for me to spot someone like this a mile away....
The sad thing, as I have said many times before, some people are so enmeshed with this self-absorption and pre-occupation of self to the exclusion of the issues of others around them, that they don't even realize it.
Although this may sound trivial, it can also be seen in our hobbies and passions, like fishing. I have built up quite an extensive intel chain. Someone wants to tap into that, they call me, and say "Hey I'm going fishing tonight, can you point me to the fish?" You know they bring nothing to the table, don't want to scout, do any searching on Google, or give back with some intel they worked to develop. So what do you do, do you help them? :huh:
Yup, you tell them to go out in the ocean, because the fish are definitely there....:laugh: And you learn to gradually avoid people who do this consistently.
And if you see yourself as a person who takes others for granted and is "taking" all the time....ask yourself how long people are going to put up with that, and maybe try to be a more giving person. Try it, ya just might like it. :thumbsup: ;)
Message body
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
If you're dog-tired at night, it may be because you growled all day.
--War Cry
Negative attitudes wear us out. Assuming the worst will happen, focusing on just our faults, constant complaining, are attitudes that bring us down. If we stumble on a flight of stairs and feel embarrassed, it's going to feel even worse if we growl and curse. We'll feel much better if we laugh at ourselves and see the humor.
People want to be around those who are cheerful. The good cheer we send out will come back to us from others who are healthy. We can choose these cheerful people as our friends, and our happiness will grow and blossom in this good soil.
Today let me try to say something cheerful to another.
******************
It costs nothing to say something nice or offer someone words of encouragement, yet it can go a long way toward helping them have a brighter day....
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly....
--Antoine de Saint Exupery
If we look at the world through suspicious or angry eyes, we'll find a world that mirrors our expectations - a world where tension will mount, arguments will abound, strife will be present where none need be. However, our experiences in some manner bless us, and we'll recognize that if we'll look upon them with gratitude. Everything in our path is meant for our good and we'll see the good when our hearts act as the eyes for our minds.
When we see with our hearts, our responses to the turmoil around us, the fighting children, the traffic snarls, the angry lovers, will be soft acceptance. When our hearts guide the action we can accept those things we cannot change, and change those we can. And the heart, as the seat of all wisdom, will always know the difference.
Suspicious or angry eyes...requires too much energy...ask yourself if you have all that extra energy to devote to being angry at someone. If someone is too toxic or manipulative, and has caused you grief, instead of being angry at them just cut them out of your life. :learn:
**********************
why, Jon....I never knew you cared that way....:scared: :ROFLMAO :) :HappyWave: