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Relax enough to face reality when life twists and turns.
Sometimes in life, no matter how deeply we intend to make the best decisions possible for ourselves, things happen. Marriages end, jobs turn sour, friends wane. For reasons outside our control or understanding, the situation twists and turns into something other than what we bargained for.
Have you been waiting for a situation to revert to what it originally was - or what you hoped it would be when you got in? Are you telling yourself that there's something wrong with you, when the reality is, the situation has changed into something other than what you thought it was? Things often don't go as smoothly as we planned. Sometimes, we need to endure and get through the rough spots. But I'm talking about those grindingly difficult moments when life suddenly twists on us.
These are the times we need to quit torturing ourselves. Let go of what you thought would happen. If life has twisted on you, don't turn on yourself. Don't try to make things be the way they were. Come up to speed. Return to now. Let yourself accept the new situation at hand.
The road isn't always a straight course. Sometimes, even a path with heart unexpectedly twists and turns.
God, help me relax and trust my self enough to deal with reality, not my fantasy of what I hoped it would be.
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The twists and turns in life can present us with some real challenges. It's easy to get discouraged if you do everything you're supposed to, and life still sucks...but that's how it is sometimes....learn to roll with it...we try to say that things will get better,, but sometimes life doesn't get better, for a long time....the challenge is to learn to deal with it....
Quick story...
Last weekend, Pebbles and I visited my Mom's boyfriend in Ma. They have been together ever since the divorce.
He's a good guy, but because he lives in Ma I don't see him that much.
This occasion, he invited us up to to attend a mass celebrating the anniversary of his Mom's passing, 60 years ago. I don't go to mass except for the holidays, but I knew this meant something to him, so we went.
It turns out, he invited his kids (grown adults) to come as well. Some of them live far, and it wasn't reasonable for them to come...so they didn't. That makes perfect sense. But the ones who could have come, totally blew him off, they said they were "busy". :huh:
This floored me, and more so because this guy has has his struggles with alcoholism, and went to rehab..that was the cause of his divorce 25 years ago, and he has since become a model citizen.
Along the way, he was successful corporate guy, making lots of $$...he put each of his kids (who wanted to go) through the best colleges. One became a lawyer and was on the law review of his top law school (coincidentally he was the most twisted, at one time threatening my Mom while he was in law school).
The point being here that this guy sacrificed everything, and all of his savings, so his children would have a better future....now, fast forward to present, he's fallen on hard times, and no one wants to be involved in his life...
If he was a bad drunk, I could see it. but he wasn't abusive or mean...I was much worse in my addiction...this was a guy who got drunk, slobbered a bit, and fell asleep into a stupor, too drunk to cause any harm to anyone but himself.
And now, after giving his all to his family, because the money is gone they avoid him..it was sad to see...http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon9.png...but in a way, it was good to make the re-connection with him..he's a mellow, good guy with lots of funny stories, and is an entertaining kind of host, the kind you don't mind being around...
Whatever negativity he has in his life, he doesn't whine about...he has a new life with some close co-workers in his new job. Although the job doesn't pay well,. he goes there every day, and is extremely dedicated to working and giving value to his employer...
So he came to mind when I read the above passage...he's the kind of guy who is active in AA, and speaks regularly about his life, in hope of helping and inspiring others. :thumbsup:
Even with all that, he's unfortunately saddled with a family who is very self involved, and IMO very selfish, after all he did for them,,,hell, my Dad wouldn't have done 1/10th of the stuff for us that he did for his children.....
So lesson learned,,,,even in sobriety, life may be tough...
You need to learn to weather the bad times....with the belief that good times will be ahead...and if it doesn't happen that way., be willing to make the positive steps toward having new people in your life that will care about you....:learn:
I'm glad he invited us up there, and was honored to be a part of that remembrance...:cool:
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i'm glad you shared that, d. to be honest, i'm getting immune to the aa quotes. but your stories always hit home.
say hey to mom's bf for me.
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^ Tks Jon. I know a lot of people are getting some use out of this thread, as it's a non-fishing thread, on a fishing website, :fishing: with our highest number of views of any thread....
The stories do take a lot out of my day. Typing that one took over an hour to lay it down with the right words...and I have less and less time to do that lately. Nonetheless, I got some PMs and positive feedback from folks...it seems none of us have the perfect family, and anyone who says they do is only kidding themselves....we all have our hills and valleys to get through..so I'm glad to be able to provide some re-assurance or encouragement to folks out there....:HappyWave:
m
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And I will send your regards to my Mom's BF, "from a crazy redneck I know who lives in the hills of North Carolina....":laugh: :thumbsup:
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Nothing happens unless first a dream.
--Carl Sandburg
What do we see when we daydream about the future? Is everything much better than it is now, or are we still struggling with the same issues? Are we dreaming about what we really want or about what we think we want? Do we see the whole picture or just a piece of it? Do our daydreams match our goals?
Actions we take today affect how we live tomorrow. If we know what we want -- if we listen to our heart's desire, write down our goals, and keep them in mind with every action we take --we create our dreams. We turn our wishes into goals and our goals into reality.
Today I will visualize the life I want.
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This works for me sometimes...you can't change things without visualizing how your life will be better if you do, and having a concrete plan fot making it happen....:learn:
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Fear is only an illusion. It is the illusion that creates the feeling of separateness - the false sense of isolation that exists only in your imagination.
--Jeraldine Sounders
We are only alone in our minds. In reality, we are each contributing necessary parts offering completion to the wholeness of the universe. Our very existence guarantees our equality, which, when fully understood, eases our fears. We have no reason to fear one another's presence, or to fear new situations when we realize that all of us are on equal footing. No one's talents are of greater value than our own, and each of us is talented in ways exactly appropriate to our circumstances.
Freedom from fear is a decision we can choose to make at any time. We can simply give it up and replace it with our understanding of equality with all persons. Taking responsibility for our fear, or our freedom from it, is the first step to a perspective promising healthier emotional development.
If I am fearful today, it's because I have forgotten the reality of my existence. I am equal to all the people in my world, and we are necessary to one another.
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Fear of failure is a great motivator of success for some. It cal also block us from getting what we want....facing our fears is one of the most mature, and productive, things we can do on our path to personal growth and a better life....
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Love-ability
A friend of mine recently told me how he met his wife. He had watched her walk by his store every day for a year with her young son. She also happened to be a friend of his neighbor.
"Fix me up," he suggested to his neighbor. "We'll go on a double date. I really want to meet her." Unfortunately, the neighbor never got around to setting up that first date.
Finally my friend devised a plan. Every day when she walked by the store, they said hello to each other, but she never stopped to chat. This day, he was ready. He had his store keys in hand. "Would it be all right if I walked with you for a while?" he asked when she walked by.
"Don't you have to mind your store?"
"I'll lock it up," he said.
"You don't have to do that," she said. "We can sit here and chat."
That Friday, they had their first date. She was nervous.
The next weekend, they went out again. She was still nervous. He turned to her, "You can relax," he said. "I'm not going to try anything inappropriate. I just want to enjoy your company." As time passed, she did relax, and they continued to become friends. Three years later, they were married in a small ceremony. "I didn't want to overwhelm her son," my friend recalled.
He wrote his wedding vows. He promised to love her and care for her all of his life. He promised to love her son and protect him, as if he were his own. She lit up his life, he said, and he was grateful for her promise of companionship for the rest of their lives.
My friend is a lucky man, but not just because he found someone he truly loves. He is lucky because he is able to recognize the gift of his wife's love. Most of us have the ability to see when we have been harmed, hurt, or slighted, when we're not loved or treated the way we'd like to be. But we can learn to see those acts big and small when someone shows us love. They are the greatest gifts of all.
Call it believing we deserve love, lovability, or love-ability, the value is opening our eyes and hearts so we can see and receive love from others, friends, family, romantic involvements, and God.
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This is a good one not only for couples, but for people in general. How many of us have taken someone who loves us for granted? I know I have....
Realize that by loving us, they are giving us a precious gift...and try to focus on reciprocating that gift....
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Time is a circle. The end is the beginning.
Day by day, a year comes and goes. Today's end is the beginning of the rest of our lives. We take with us what we have learned today. We are the same and not the same.
As long as we are alive, we will continue to wrestle with questions, seek answers, and solve problems. Let's be gentle with ourselves and others, choosing to respond with non-judging love and acceptance instead of unrealistic demands of perfection.
We have found a blueprint for recovery. Our preoccupation with not enough and too much has led us to a spiritual solution. Each day brings us new opportunities to express our development - a more patient response to a traffic jam, the ability to empathize with a child's embarrassment, the acceptance of a disappointment. Today is another day to learn how to be serene, to nurture body and spirit so that we may function as an integrated totality. We will continue to learn and grow toward recovery.
I will begin and end today by listening to my inner voice.
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^^ It's ok to listen to your inner voice, as long as it doesn't talk back to you. when others are around...:kooky: :laugh:
Nice way to end the 2011 Year, Folks....thanks for reading, glad ya's enjoyed this thread, and Best Wishes to All for Good Health and Happiness in 2012...:HappyWave:
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Thank you for all your help to the alcoholics ds. God Bless you and your family.
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Steve, and Jon, and everyone else who is checking into this thread, thanks, and hope ya's get something out of it...
Jon, New Years' Eve is definitely Amateur Night, haven't heard that one in a while, good to keep the memory green...
For the Earth People out there who didn't understand that comment, it's the way we Alcoholics and Addicts used to refer to New Years Eve...with the deduction that the people who drank on New Years Eve to the point of losing control, or embarassment, were Amateurs..:scared: :laugh:
The reasoning that WE, as the Professionals :kooky:, could do it on a regular basis, and get away with it.. (at least we thought we were getting away with it, but only fooling ourselves....:rolleyes:)...
Hence the reference to Amateur night, at least as I understand it...thanks Jon, hope ya had a good one! :HappyWave:
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Day is short as ever; time's as long as it has been.
-- Geechee Proverb
Newcomer
A change in my work schedule means I can't go to my regular meeting anymore. By the time I'd be able to get there, only half an hour would be left. It's not worth it.
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A lot of people use the above as the excuse not to do something., I had someone give me that excuse when I called them to clue them in on a good bite..."Well it's probably going to be over by the time I get there....".:waaah:
The thing is, life gives you opportunity at specific times. and that opportunity can't always be optimal...it is what you make of it...remember that the next time you have an opportunity to change your life, or paticipate in something you are not exactly sure will give you a direct benefit...http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.png
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Hope smiles on the threshold of the year to come, whispering that it will be happier.
--Alfred, Lord Tennyson
At the start of this new year, we look back at what has been and we look forward to the future. Our path has been filled with healing and hope. Rewards have come to us each day. Now, looking toward the year ahead, we can't know much of what will happen, but we can recommit ourselves to our healing and sober path. We can have renewed comfort and optimism that we will not be alone and that we will be able to handle whatever comes our way.
The start of a new year is a good time to make lists of the things we fear, the things we hope for, and the things we are grateful for. These lists serve as a kind of snapshot inventory of our attitude toward the world and our relationship with our Higher Power. They point a direction for us today and for the year ahead. We can put these lists in a safe place until next year when we will bring them out as a reminder of where we were and a measure of how far we've come.
Today I once again turn my life and will over to the care of God.
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I hesitated before posting this today. As I read it, it occurred to me that some readers would think of it as BS. I might think that too..except for the part I have highlighted and put in boold text, in blue.
The reality is, a lot of people I know are going to have bad years. The economy is still not recovering to an extent that job growth will be strong. Those who have steady work are indeed fortunate. However, others have intermittent work, health problems, family problems, or issues with parents getting older and needing extensive care...
The above are the realities faced by a lot of people I know..
So I don't feel that preaching about hope is always effective.
I feel that taking stock of ourselves, fearless inventory, and then pointing ourselves in the direction that makes sense, is a more reasonable path.
If your life seems like it's in a down cycle now, take a moment and try to write the positives and negatives, on paper.
Try to see what some of your better qualities are, and try your best to go in that direction.
And though I try not to preach about prayer, sometimes if you ask God for help, without expecting that HE will, you may experience some changes in your life...
And above all else, try to have a positive attitude, even if it feels phony or forced,,,there's an old saying, "fake it till you make it"...the attitide you project to others certainly is a big factor in your degree of success as well...:learn:
Hang in there folks,,..I'm hoping the ride of Life will get better for all of us....:thumbsup: ..
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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
--The Serenity Prayer
One of life's paradoxes is that in order to change an unwanted situation, we must first accept it the way it is. If you wish to move forward in your life, first make peace with what you are presently experiencing.
John was working at a job that he had ceased to enjoy and could not wait to leave. Yet despite his extensive job search, he was unable to find new employment. Realizing that you can't leave a situation without spiritual injury unless you leave it lovingly, John decided to make peace with his job and to bless the people in it. This change of attitude freed him to move on to new employment.
Accepting people as they are is also transformational. For years, a man tried to get his elderly mother to stop complaining. One day he gave up trying to change her and accepted her faults. This experience of unconditional love opened her heart to the point where she stopped condemning herself and others.
If there is some area of your life that you are seeking to change, first practice acceptance. By acknowledging where you are and giving thanks for the good that you have received, you will release an energy that will transform you and your present circumstances.
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Very interesting reading today. I was just talking about this with a friend. In this stagnant economy, we may not always be on the career path we want to be on...Today's reading of acceptance and trying for a better attitude helps pull it all together, when we push to make the changes that are needed. :thumbsup:
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Sent in by a long time friend and program member. If anyone lives near Howell, NJ, this looks like an interesting topic for the 20th. Having a Dad that was not really involved in raising us, other to beat us when he felt appropriate, I can identify with this topic,,,,
Faith of the Fatherlesshttp://trinitystv.ipower.com/wp-cont...ingLogo_BW.jpg
Each man, whatever his experiences, ultimately chooses to accept God or reject him. Disappointment in one's earthly father, whether through death, absence, or mistreatment, frequently leads to a rejection of God. Our relationship with God, the Father, is affected by our relationship with our earthly fathers.
Stalin, Hitler and Mao were all known for their condemnation of religion and all had histories of having greatly abusive tyrants as fathers.
In a culture that has devalued the role of families, and fathers specifically, all of you men need to listen to this talk presented by Father Williams on the "Faith of the Fatherless."
Come join us on Friday January 20th at the Spiritual Center at 670 Hulses Corner Road in Howell , NJ . We have pizza available at 7:00PM, and start our gathering with Praise and Worship at 7:30PM. Please join us and bring a friend!
For more information or directions contact Anthony Gaudino at 732-433-9755 or email at anthonygaudino@optonline.net
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When I feed on resentments and anger, I am giving someone else rent-free space in my head.
--Kathy Kendall
Becoming consumed by our emotions is all too familiar. It was a favorite pastime before we got clean and sober, and it still may "own" us. Much to our dismay, sponsors remind us that we're getting a payoff or we wouldn't continue the practice. They also tell us it's never too late to give it up.
We can begin immediately. Let's breathe in the positive. It takes the same effort as dwelling on resentments, and the outcome is so much healthier. Let's bring our blessings to mind first. Breathe in the images of friends and the smiles we share. Breathe in the image of our Higher Power and those comforting arms. Breathe in the bright light of healing that is the program's gift. Breathe in the peace that comes with knowing all is finally well.
Giving our minds over to loving images heals us. The hurts of the past can each us no more if we breathe in the good.
I will breathe in my Higher Power today. I will dwell on the safety and serenity of my journey..
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This is a good one...don't let others rent space in your head, it's not worth the rental....:laugh:
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I've made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes.
Everybody makes mistakes. The difference now is that I can see them more clearly afterward, and I am not living in denial about them.
If I become too critical of myself when I do make a mistake, I can remind myself that it's part of being human. I can remind myself that it's a learning experience and a mistake I won't make so easily in the future. Mistakes are not made intentionally, but they are errors caused by a lack of information or lack of attention.
Today I pay attention more than ever before and have more information than I ever have had. Mistakes will still happen, but they probably won't be as serious or dangerous as they were in my past. I can allow myself to make mistakes, understanding that when I give myself this freedom, I am accepting myself for who I am and loving myself unconditionally.
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This is good for me because I am extremely critical of myself. More critical than others could ever be. The thing to remember is...progress, not perfection.
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^ Yessir! :HappyWave:
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There is no reality except the one contained within us.
--Herman Hesse
Claude Gellee painted lovely pictures of the English countryside. Europeans loved his landscapes, with their blue hues and mild distortions. But when the people went for the carriage rides in the country, they were disappointed because it didn't look the way Gellee had painted it. Then someone discovered that if you held blue glass up to your eyes and looked through it, the trees and hills and sky looked just like a Gellee painting! Soon everyone was looking through "Claude glasses" when they travelled.
We often let others do our seeing for us. We get lazy and rely on the images of television and movies, instead of really seeing with our own eyes. Our world becomes distorted and we lose sight of the natural beauty that surrounds us.
Each of us carries reality inside ourselves, and as we grow stronger within, we discover that we can see clearest when we trust our own eyes. There is a glorious world, full and rich, just waiting for us to glimpse it.
Will I see the world through my own eyes today?
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I thought this was a good one too.
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Today was like a shadow. It lurked behind me. It's now gone forever. Why is it that time is such a difficult thing to befriend?
--Mary Casey
Each passing minute is all that we are certain of having. The choice is ever present to relish the moment, reaping fully whatever its benefits, knowing that we are being given just what we need each day of our lives. We must not pass up what is offered today.
Time accompanies us like a friend, though often a friend denied or ignored. We can't recapture what was offered yesterday. It's gone. All that stands before us is here, now.
We can nurture the moment and know that the pain and pleasures offered us with each moment are our friends, the teachers our inner selves await. And we can be mindful that this time, this combination of events and people, won't come again. They are the gift of the present. We can be grateful.
We miss the opportunities the day offers because we don't recognize the experiences as the lessons designed for the next stage of our development. The moment's offerings are just, necessary, and friendly to our spiritual growth.
I will take today in my arms; it is a friend bearing gifts galore.
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Some thoughts....
"Thank God, the future is never limited by what we can see right now."
The one below I learned when I was in rehab...
Sanskrit proverb....
Look here, to each day...
for yesterday is but a memory, and tomorrow is but a dream...
Look to this day....
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Hey Rich I saw that you called but the message got scrambled somehow. Hope you are well and still into the dead of winter bite!
Here's me taking a break during the full moon:
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e2...rewresized.jpg
that's an NA beer, btw...
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Great pic, Jon...if it's ok I'm going to copy that post and put it in Surfstix's surfcasting pics thread...
Yeah I called because I fiinally decided to accept some of your suggestions. I'll call again and we'll talk in detail. And I thank you for that.....your advice and support in rough waters has been a valuable voice of reason to me,,,,and your honesty in your advice is appreciated more than you know....
All this from a guy I have never met face-to-face...:cool:...yet in our long talks I feel closer to you than any of my brothers....you are a true brother, and a good Dad to your sons...hope they get some success with that demo....either way I know you will be there for them.....thanks for all, bro, and really hope we can fish together this year, finances permitting.....:fishing: :HappyWave:
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Only when we humbly ask for help are we ready to receive it.
On occasion, our problems seem overwhelming, and we don't know where to turn. Our job is stressful. Our health is failing. But many of us face no truly threatening situations, and we still have problems. Being alive, being human, means having experiences that trouble us.
It's hard to ask for help when we are in a troubling situation because we fear that means we are inadequate. After all, we are grown men and women who have taken care of others and ourselves for years. We don't have the wisdom to handle every situation, and yet we think we should. Seeking guidance from friends, sponsors, and our Higher Power gets easier with practice. Asking for help is a learned behavior. And practice we must!
But just as important as the seeking is the receiving. Are we actually open to the wisdom offered? Do we want it badly enough to truly listen to the guidance?
I will open my heart to God's wisdom today and find help for whatever troubles me.
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I thought this fit my response above perfectly...don't be afraid to ask for help...you may not get the exact help you need., but you will get some kind of help or advice,,,,be grateful for what you get or you may not get any more from that source....gratitude is the cement that helps build relationships....Learning to say a SINCERE thank you, and often, (people can tell when you're not sincere, I know I can) means a lot to people,,,,,and should be part of our daily routine....:learn: