One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

February 4, 2009

Usefulness

We hear a lot in meetings that a grateful alcoholic doesn't get drunk.
What I have found, though, reaches far beyond feeling grateful,
and that is feeling useful.
I believe that when I am grateful, It is usually for what I have been given.
However, when I am useful, it is for what I am able to give.
If nothing else, the program of AA has offered me the ability to be useful.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.


Thought to Ponder....

To be sensitive is to feel the thoughts and hearts of others
as only you would want yours felt.



This goes with the AA tradition "We keep what we have by giving it away", a great way to move forward in sobriety. Wallowing in alcoholism and isolating ourselves is not a good direction. The program teaches us that isolation of any kind is not a good thing. I know I like to fish alone, and that's ok, as long as I don't neglect my family or friends by isolating myself.

I talked to a friend the other night who is addicted to many things. He straightened himself out, but still goes gambling. He justified this over and over by explaining his gambling system. If he didn't think it might become a problem, why would he need to justify it to me, or anyone? http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif He also described the isolation aspect, and that anyone who he knew who was aa serious gambler gambled alone. He does that too, so I thought it was interesting that he had all these rationalizations.

If you wanna gamble, go for it. It is what it is. Knowiung you have a compulsive personality and still putting yourself in risky situations? Only you can answer whether that's good or bad for your recovery.

Usefulness, for me, helps me to break out of the shell of isolation and reach out to help others. In doing so, I help and learn about myself. And that feels good.

One of my favorite movies is 'The Verdict', where paul newman plays the role of an attorney who is a dead end drunk trying a case that might turn his life around. Some of the scenes, especially the early morning drinking in a bar that served breakfast scenes, made me cringe. There is a scene in the movie where Newman's character says, "So much of the time we are lost." Your 2/02/09 post about your dying friend brought this movie to mind. Your friend is at the logical progression of a life given to drink and self abuse. Newman's character was close but, at the end of the movie, was at the point where change is possible. I don't know how it turned out for Newman's character bt that movie was foundational in my recovery. I so desperately did not want to die drunk and alone. And i will start to pray for your friend at the end of each day. If anyone else would like prayer, please let me know. I'm just one guy but I would be honored to pray for you. Dark, you don't have to ask, you're already there.:)

One other thing. The heroine of the movie is a young woman, Kaitlyn Costello, who chooses to do something very painful and at great risk because it is the right thing. I named my daughter after that character; I thought it was a strong name and might lead her in future times. She was born 16 years ago. She has never known me to drink or use drugs. Miraculous. :HappyWave:

February 5, 2009

Footprints

Stepping into the first footprint that led from the dismal swamp of alcoholism
toward the sunlight of sobriety would not take me far enough.
Would I muddle along some little trail of my own in the weeds,
vaguely paralleling the clearly marked AA road?
Or would I choose to follow in the exact footsteps of the AAs who had preceded?
The choice was up to me. . .
Since I had already taken Step One, I could decide to stop right there.
I could just dry up, period. I could survive like a raisin the rest of my life.


Thought to Ponder....

I stood in the sunlight at last.





I like the above thought because a lot of people don't want to follow suggestions of the program, or they still want to do things "their way". There was 5 pages of going back and forth on another thread where a guy tried the program, but was constantly attacking trhe principles, saying every aspect was brainwashing, and not alowing people to think for themselves. In short, he knew better than everyone in the program, and we were alll mindless zombies. Wel, why was he so angry then, and unhappy, and still struggling with his sobriety? http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif

I know I have free will, can follow whatever path I choose to. The paths in the past I followed led to disaster. So you have to be at least willing to take a new path, whether you think it will work or not. If you can do it by yourself, and fix all the things that deteriorated in your life, by yourself, good luck, God bles. I couldn't, and was willing to listen, stubbornly at first. :rolleyes:

Gradually I saw others in there who inspired me by their quality sobriety. I wanted some of that! I was willing to do whatever I had to do to get it. I was hungry for change.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mick2360

One other thing. The heroine of the movie is a young woman, Kaitlyn Costello, who chooses to do something very painful and at great risk because it is the right thing. I named my daughter after that character; I thought it was a strong name and might lead her in future times. She was born 16 years ago. She has never known me to drink or use drugs. Miraculous. :HappyWave:

---

That's a great achievement, Mick. Anything is possible one day at a time. :clapping:


...act as if you had faith, and faith will be given to you :thumbsup:



Thanks for praying for my friend. Was on the phone the other night with another guy who knows him. The guy said he has been selfish his whole life, and never was there for anyone in his family when they needed them. So this is kinda like karma, now no one is there for him. Maybe he deserves it, I still feel bad for him.

February 6, 2009

Irrationality

Few indeed are the practicing alcoholics who have any idea
how irrational they are, or seeing their irrationality, can bear to face it.
Some will be willing to term themselves "problem drinkers"
but cannot endure the suggestion that they are in fact mentally ill.
They are abetted in this blindness by a world which does not understand
the difference between sane drinking and alcoholism.
"Sanity" is defined as "soundness of mind."
Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyzing his destructive behavior,
whether he fell on the dining room furniture or his own moral fiber,
can claim "soundness of mind" for himself.

Thought to Ponder....

If you think you are an alcoholic, chances are you are.




To me, this goes to the cunning, baffling, and powerful part of our disease. It's the only disease that tells you you don't have one, that you aren't sick, and alllows you to rationalize self-destructive bahavior so it doesn't seem that bad, in your mind. But the people around us know we are sick, and we start to affect their lives too.

It's not our place to call someone an alcoholic, even if we are one. The questions must come from inside them, as they start thinking about if they are addicted. Learning about it can be helpful, because many people have no trouble with alcohol in their lives. They can drink to excess at times, and they don't fit the other characteristics, so it wouldn't fit to imply that they are.

Only a small % of people who drink are alcoholics. The definition I learned is that if your drinking or drugging causes you problems, you might be an alcoholic. It's up to you to decide if you are.






Famous recovering people:

7. Stephen King - writer and movie producer

February 7, 2009

Simplicity

The simple words "Thy Will Be Done" and the simple ideas of honesty
and of helping others are taking on a new meaning for me.
I should not be surprised to find myself coming to the astounding conclusion
that God, whoever or whatever He may be,
is eminently more capable of running this universe than I am.
At last I believe I am on my way.

Thought to Ponder....

The will of God will never take me where the grace of God will not protect me.




As someone who has been sulf-sufficient for most of my adult life, I had the biggest trouble accepting the highlighted passage above. If you think about it, whether you believe it or not, every time you are outdoors, the beauty of nature and wilderness, streams, rivers, oceans, and everything in between could only have been created by a being more powerful than ourselves.

Every chance I get to go outside, I am in awe at the new things I discover, and all created by God. :thumbsup:

February 8. 2009

Decision

It is by circumstance rather than by any virtue that we have been driven to AA,
have admitted defeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith,
and now want to make a decision to turn our will and our lives
over to a Higher Power.

Reprinted from Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Page 38, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and follow through.






I like the first sentence above. I didn't come into AA willingly. I wasn't happy about the possibility of a life without alcohol or drugs. I had screwed up so many times, that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was willing to give anything a chance at that point, so I did.

February 9, 2009

Patience

Just try it. Drive with an easy rein; don't worry;
seek and be with the Group as much as you possibly can.
Coast along with us, work with us,
and you will gradually find fear being replaced by confidence,
doubts taking wing; depression being replaced by happiness
and faith in yourself and others and in the future emerging
into the full light of everyday living.
Just try it; keep dry, think. . .a little plea for help from some greater Power.
Have patience and you will get the answer to real living and happiness.
Then try to return just a little of all that has been given you
by trying to pass it on to others who are sick and need help.
It's the road to the top of the mountain--into the sun--and it's yours for the effort.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, November 1944, Vol. 1 No. 6. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.
Thought to Ponder....

Patience is passion tamed.






Anyone who knows me probably would not classify me as a "patient & mellow" guy. :laugh: Years into my sobriety, I still struggle with this concept. I remember how I once was, which was a lot worse with my patience. I feel I've made some progress, but I'm still one of the most hyper people I know.

Years ago, I was told the road to serenity begins with patience. I think that still applies today. That's probably why I like fishin so much, you can't figure patterns out if youre not patient.

I'm highly critical of myself, and still feel like I have a long way to go tp be a more patient person. It's one of my biggest character defects.

Famous recovering people-
8. Eric Clapton - rock & roll icon
9. Anthony Kiedis - singer Red Hot Chili Peppers

hey, pray for me, willya? not feeling so hot today.

thanks
jon

Jon, just sent ya a pm. I'll pray for ya, man. My number's in that pm, call me if you don't feel like typing. Ya can call collect if ya want, I'll pick up - Rich

February 10, 2009

Discovery

I've learned since being in AA that the more I worry about me loving you,
and the less I worry about you loving me, the happier I'll be.
I discovered a fellowship of human beings that I'd never seen before.
I learned how to have self-respect through work that AA gave me to do.
I learned how to be a friend. . .
I have learned that the more I give, the more I will have;
the more I learn to give, the more I learn to live.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], pp. 538-539.

Thought to Ponder....

Recovery is discovery.






An easy AA/NA principle to remember is we keep what we have by giving it away.

Jon, I said some prayers for you, hope youll have a better day today. Give me a call at that # I sent or pm to let me know how you're doin. :HappyWave:

Thanks, Dark. I felt the prayers...

I guess what started it was, I had an email exchange with my oldest son, about this youtube video: http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e2...lamingshot.gif I told him that one of my best friends had the same experience, except that his issue was, that he used the plastic cap from the grain bottle, and it melted. i was the one trying to put him out.

my son asked if there was any scarring, to which i replied:

Quote:

---

just his arm if i remember correctly. he died exactly 30 yrs ago, when we were 21. there were 4 of us; me, chris, kurt, and brian. chris evaporated the left side of his bumble bee, doing 80 or so, drunk at 18. i was away at college. he didn't look so hot at the viewing. i took one look and passed out.

kurt impaled himself on an old rr rail when he went off a cliff on his motorcylce senior year at wvu. drunk at 21. thankfully closed casket.

brian was my best man and has essentially blown me off for the last 25 yrs.

you remember mike, he was my best friend when i came back from oregon. dead from drinking; heart couldn't take it.

my last best friend, ray, is still a drunk. don't talk to him much anymore, since i best manned at his wedding, which was the start of my latest and hopefully last binge.

it'll either be 4 or 5 years this coming memorial day since i had a drink, i lost count. don't think i don't want to, tho. but there's no circumstance that drinking can't make worse. so i think i'll hold off for today. sure is tempting to get blotto and forget how bad life sucks for a while tho. oh well.

---

so i guess i was just feeling sorry for myself after reminiscing.

but you can't saw sawdust.

thanks for the pm
jon

But for the Grace of God, there go I. With all the crazy stuff that i did to myself, over the years, it's a wonder that I'm still here.
I believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and that along the way we get sidetracked. But because our will and way is a failure, we get back on track, because of a divine intervention. God is not finished with us.
It's unfortunate, that some do things, that are fatal to themselves or others.
I know that I am a drink away from the insanity, and because I know, I am truly grateful.
What I know, I need to share with those that don't. I never for get where I came from.
Easy does it, my friend. :)

February 11, 2009

Immunity

We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again:
"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic."
Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety,
we are in a short time as bad as ever.
If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind
nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 41

Thought to Ponder....

If we want to quit drinking, we are going to have to quit
drinking.




This is a good topic for today, especially in light of that Jon shared yesterday. When I was in rehab, they told me of the progression that would happen if I were to stop, and start again. What the heck did these people know, were they the recovery police? How the heck could they be so sure? :huh:

So I really didn't believe it until it was demonstrated painfully for me through some people I knew.

A prime example of this was my friend Frankie. He went to the same school I did. When I first walked into the rooms, I saw him and his friend J there. I said you guys were the biggest burnouts I knew, man I can't believe you're in here! They laughed, and said they thought the same thing about me, and were glad I made it in.

In the beginning of my recovery, we hung out together, and sometimes went to the same AA dances, tried to hook up with the chicks there, and had fun, just like back in high school. These 2 guys were an inspiration to everyone. They worked their program, got their lives back on track, and helped a bunch of people. :thumbsup:

Gradually in our recovery, we went to less meetings, different meetings, and saw each other less. I next ran into Frankie 5 years after that, when I picked him up hitchhiking one day. He looked bad, I could tell he was getting high again. I gave him my # and said to call me if he wanted to hit a meeting sometime. He said yeah, but I had the feeling he never would. I heard a few months later that he was dead.

One of the last people to see him alive was G, a guy who had helped me in my darkest hours by getting me into rehab. He also tried to help Frankie, but as Frankie was being admitted, he went to the bathroom before he was searched, shot up, and died soon after. He was so close to getting his life back, but it was too late.

Another interrelated story concerns G. This guy was active in the programs over 30 years after his own battles with alcohol. He was a notable figure in the recovery community, ans helped many people on the beginning path back to sanity. However, he had a son who hung out with my brother. The kid was in 5 or 6 rehabs, and still out on the streets causing trouble. Every time, you would hope for the best for him when you saw him after getting out of the latest rehab. He talked a good story, but loved alcohol and drugs more. Everyone around knew how bad he was, and how much in denial he was. Looking back, maybe he should have been sent to GOD's (Geraldine O' Delaney's) program, but for some reason he wasn't. As bad as he was, it probably would not have made a difference anyway.

All I know is that his Dad, G, tried his best to use all the resources and connections he had to help his only son. Yet nothing he did worked because his son didn't want the help, and each time the progression got worse.

This is the concept of powerlessness coming back to punch you in the face.

You would think that as much as G knew about recovery, it would be enough to help his son start a new life. But it wasn't. It must have been heartbreaking for that father to watch his son slowly dying, nothing at all he could do. It wa sad for me to watch too. When the son eventually died, I went to the funeral. Kid was 25, looked like he was 60, one of the worst corpses I had ever seen.


So the above 2 examples were very powerful illustrations to me what happens with the progression. As I said before, I know in my heart I can handle one drink, or one joint, or one of anything else. But what happens after that, when I decide it's not enough??

Sometimes the mistakes of others is what it takes for us to learn. Its extremely sad people have to die to illustrate this point, Jon. It is what it is.

Your reminiscing got to me, and thinking about the people who have helped me in so many areas of my recovery. Might be time to pay another visit to G, and see how he's doin. I know that stuff was bothering you, jon. I got some other stories like yours I'll share in another post, but this post is too loing already. Thanks for sharing, man, you helped me think about some people I haven't thought about for while. And who knows how many lurkers you may have helped with your honesty. :thumbsup:

Jon, Great post. Survival was hard. remembering old friends who didn't make it can leave me feeling guilty and wondering if I could have done more. The brutal and cold fact is that deciding to use means that we will inevitably fall. There is an old saying that the neighborhood between your ears is a dangerous place to go alone. Thanks for posting. A few of us have survivor's guilt.

I remember fallen friends, as well as those I had to leave behind to gain my own sobriety. I miss them. But I am grateful for all I have today that would not be possible had i continued drinking. Food for thought. :HappyWave:

Thanks, men.

i've got lots of mike stories. we were very very close. i loved him more than anybody, ever. both self-employed contractors. he was a plumber, i was a painter. both have wives and 4 kids. we helped each other out a lot, personally and professionally. saw each other every day. hell, our dads were best friends, too. (both died from alchohol btw.)

we quit drinking together. i'll never forget the day we starting in again together. i stopped again; he didn't.

he's dead; i'm not.

wish it was the other way around sometimes, but there it is. too late now. plus i don't want my family to go thru the hell that his has since he died. btw he died the week before Christmas. hows that for timing?

well anyway thanks for the kind words. i guess i'll just continue to survive. it's what i do.

jon

February 12, 2009

Selfishness

Selfishness -- self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity,
we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate.
Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation,
but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions
based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 74.

Thought to Ponder....

Never become so heavenly that you're no earthly good.


A good topic for today. I learned early on to try to avoid selfish people, or at least identify how they operate so I could pick up on the signs. Sometimes they hide it well, and end up looking for giving and selfless people to take advantage of. This is one of my character defects that still needs work. Because of my history, I still tend to avoid this type of person at all costs. But that's not the whole equation. I have to learn to be more mellow when I see them operating and taking advantage of others. It's a sore spot with me, and I'm sometimes vocal about it. It's got me in trouble before, my goal is to learn how to deal with it ona more mature level.

Just the other week, a 90year old guy I know needed some work done in his house. I was too busy to handle it. His tenant had done some carpentry work in his house for a good price, so I pitched the tenant to install 2 interior doors, thinking he would not take advantage of an old man. Instead, he and a buddy went and installed 2 interior doors, same size, no complications, and charged the guy $1600 for labor because they know the guy wouldnt complain. After I found out, I did the best I could to help his family document the overcharges. The selfishness still got to me.

Another example - I needed help with a project from a long-time friend in the program. This friend was called "___ the guy who only calls you when he wants something" by others who know him. His help would have made things easier. I asked him about 10 times, he couldn't be bothered. I dealt with it myself, moved on.

The other day, I got a call from him asking my advice on his new business venture. He came into a chunk of $$, and knows I have experience in a field he knows nothing about, so now he needs my help. I did the best I could to offer him general advice, but that was it. This guy has been selfish his whole life, I tried to overlook it. It took someone else we both know to point that out to me. Selfishness can come back to bite yhou sometimes.

Lesson learned - try to surround yourself with positive people, and treat others how you want to be treated in return. You won't be guaranteed a stress-free recovery, but youll be eliminating some stresses you would be better off without.

Just because someone is drug or alcohol free, character defects still abound. We need to work on these defects to have better interactions in our new lives. I know I still have plenty of character defects, that's why I try to identify when I talk about them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DarkSkies

try to avoid selfish people, or at least identify how they operate so I could pick up on the signs. Sometimes they hide it well, and end up looking for giving and selfless people to take advantage of.

---

when i was a corrections officer, i had to be especially careful around the inmates, because they were always looking for ducks. i mean, these guys had years to perfect their manipulation skills, and had it to a t.

so i still have a problem with trusting people. my wife doesn't, and is constantly being taken advantage of. i'm surprised she hasn't sent $ to nairobi.

in my experience, there are scant few people that aren't 'operators.'

Right on, Jon. There's a fine line between manipulating and interacting with people in your daily life. We all put up with manipulation sometimes, it's the way of the world.

Say your wife or girlfriend wants something, she doesn't have all the money to buy it. So she comes to you, talks about it a little, persuades a little, :naughty: and you buy it for her. Have you been manipulated? Sure, but that's the way things go. The danger is when people take this route as preferred behavior for all their interactions with others. You were fortunate, or unfortunate? to see manipulation at its worst in the form of prisoners, who do it as naturally as we breathe.

I bet you got some stories about that part of your life. It seems like you have done a lot of everything, seen the good with the bad.

"well anyway thanks for the kind words. i guess i'll just continue to survive. it's what i do."
jon

Keep on surviving, keep on keepin on. Sometimes that's the best way for me to get through a rough patch. The good days far outnumber the bad, but anyone who says sobriety is all smooth sailin has to be exxagerating. The rough patches is what test what you're made of, and how strong your sobriety, and your faith, is. Keep comin, man. :clapping:

February 13, 2009

Essentials

Any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems
in the light of our experience can recover
provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts.
He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial.
We find that no one need have difficulty with the spiritual side of the program.
Willingness, honesty and open-mindedness are the essentials of recovery.
But these are indispensable.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 39

Thought to Ponder....

Spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves.





They say you can be in the program without a belief in God, agnostics are welcome. I know a great guy who is an agnostic. He has had troubles with one of his family members and the disease of alcoholism. I resepect his choice to live in a world without God, even though it's hard to grasp.

For me, I have been brought back from the dead so many times, I have to believe in God. There are too many coincidences in my life to chalk up to probability. I'm sometimes sensitive to the terrible things that people do to others in this world, the child molesters, the brutal murders, the inhumane acts of people toward each other, Sometimes I say: but if there is a God, why does all this crap happen? Answer: he can't control the evil that lurks in the hearts of people.

So a belief in God, for me, is something that helps to anchor my sobriety, keep me grounded. My belief and faith isn't always strong, but it's there. There's a member here who I look up to a lot because it seems his belief in God is unwavering.:HappyWave: It kinda inspires me to try harder. I may not be where he is, but I'm on the road to better faith.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DarkSkies

Sometimes I say: but if there is a God, why does all this crap happen? Answer: he can't control the evil that lurks in the hearts of people.

---

that's the oldest question, isn't it?

i would argue that God can control the evil in the heart, but that He loves us enough to let us choose. He is a gentleman. He doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't want robots; what satisfaction is there in a bunch of beings worshiping you cuz you forced them to? How much better if they come to that of their own free will? thus, free will. we choose one way or another, all day long. It's the greatest gift.

What we do with that gift is what defines us.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jonthepain

that's the oldest question, isn't it?

i would argue that God can control the evil in the heart, but that He loves us enough to let us choose. He is a gentleman. He doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't want robots; what satisfaction is there in a bunch of beings worshiping you cuz you forced them to? How much better if they come to that of their own free will? thus, free will. we choose one way or another, all day long. It's the greatest gift.

What we do with that gift is what defines us.

---

Jon, that was beautifully said, man.:clapping::clapping: You said it so much better than I could have, with half as many words. ;)

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e2.../Tip-Hat-1.gif

Well said Jon, well said!!

February 14, 2009

Happiness

I have found a joy in living that has nothing to do with money or material success.
I know that incomparable happiness that comes from helping
some other fellow get straightened out.
Don't get me wrong. We are not a bunch of angels.
None of us has any notion of becoming such.
But we know that we can never go completely back to old ways
because we are traveling upward through service to others
and in trying to be honest, decent, and loving toward the world.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 335.

Thought to Ponder....

Happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination.



Happiness is definitely part of the journey for me. It's not always there, there are some sad and trying days. But lose focus on happiness, lose focus on your recovery. It is a good thing to have in your life, one day at a time. :thumbsup:


Happy Valentine's Day to all the ladies out there! I wanted to express my gratitude for my girlfriend. We have a great time together, lots of laughs. She never hassles me about goin fishin, and helps keep me grounded. If anyone out there is alone this Valentine's Day, no big deal. There is always someone, somewhere, who could use a hug.

Guys, no girlfriends or wives, how about calling your Mom and thanking her for bringing you into this world? Anyone else, it was explained to me a long tome ago that if you can'rt get the love you want from the people in your life, you need to seek out those who will give you the love you need.

Peace and love to all on this Valentines weekend! :HappyWave:

I shared at a meeting the other night about how I always saw the glass as being half empty. I always saw the bad side, or the sad side, or found all of the faults in everything. I was not happy. Today, I am still Jimmy, but I see the good side, the happy side, and I find the good in everything.
Now physically I'm the same person, but I see the glass as being half full, and for that I am grateful. And with that gratitude, come happiness. :)

February 15, 2009

Life on Life's Terms

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful,
and ask for the right thought or action.
We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show,
humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done."

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 100.

Thought to Ponder....

Wisdom is knowing the right path to take. Integrity is taking it.


:clapping: The 2 sentences above say volumes. Those 2 alone could save us a world of pain and disappointment, if we were only to follow them. It's not always easy to take the right path. Sometimes its a pain in the azz. When you cut corners in your sobriety or your life, you eventually feel bad when your conscience gets to you.

A famous person once said the measure of a man is how he behaves when no one is looking, and how he treats the people that he comes into contact with every day. Good thoughts.


I was talking about going to see G a few days ago, the guy who helped me and countless others get into rehab and on our way to sobriety. I was in a hurry and almost talked myself out of stopping by. Well. I'm glad I did. Haven't seen him in almost 2 years.

We talked about people who almost died, and are now solid members of society, and the sad instances where people did die. His son and daughter in law were both lost to addiction, so he and his wife are raising their grandson. We talked about hown many kids today are focused on the next 5 minutes, and what a challenge that can be. He's doing ok, and keeping active. Over 30 years of sobriety, one day at a time. He teaches a class on addiction, and is gonna be in the Sr Olympics in California next month. :thumbsup:

He's always been an inspiration to me, and it was good to touch base again.

I told him I was gonna borrow one of the phrases he's been using, I thought it was cool:


When someone asks him at what point do you know you're an alcoholic? What designates the difference between a drinker who has too much to drink sometimes, and someone who is developing alcoholism? What are the signs?

The standard program answer is that if your drinking or recreational drug use is causing you problems in your life or relationships, you might have a problem.

I like his analogy better. He uses the example of a jar of cucumbers in brine, in the process of becoming pickles. He says you don't know the exact moment that cucumber becomes a pickle. But.....once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can't turn back into a cucumber. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jimmy z

I shared at a meeting the other night about how I always saw the glass as being half empty. I always saw the bad side, or the sad side, or found all of the faults in everything. I was not happy. Today, I am still Jimmy, but I see the good side, the happy side, and I find the good in everything.
Now physically I'm the same person, but I see the glass as being half full, and for that I am grateful. And with that gratitude, come happiness. :)

---

Jimmy, you're an inspiration too, hope I don't embarass ya too much. :HappyWave: The simple way you break things down follows the program principles. You eliminate most of the confusion that way.

When things are half empty, you are almost done and might as well give up. Half full, and it gives you the incentive to strive more to enjoy, savor, and relish the amount you have left in that glass. It's all about perspective. :clapping:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DarkSkies

Jimmy, you're an inspiration too, hope I don't embarass ya too much. :HappyWave: The simple way you break things down follows the program principles. You eliminate most of the confusion that way.

When things are half empty, you are almost done and might as well give up. Half full, and it gives you the incentive to strive more to enjoy, savor, and relish the amount you have left in that glass. It's all about perspective. :clapping:

---

Not at all my friend. I think back on all the foolishness I did on my own, and feel today that there is nothing that can ever again embarrass me, because I did it all many years ago..:HappyWave:
I'm very understanding when it comes to people.:)

February 16, 2009

Slogans

As I was sitting at a meeting the other evening, a lady was speaking
and she mentioned the three slogans:
"Live and Let Live," "Easy Does It," and "First Things First,"
and that she was having trouble with "Easy Does It."
As she mentioned these slogans,
I looked up at the wall where they were displayed.
All I could see because of a lady's head in front of me
was the last word in each slogan. . . "Live. . . It. . . First."
Live and Let Live -- Easy Does It -- First Things First.
The thought came to me then that the secret of getting or living
these three slogans is to live the Twelve Steps first.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, August, 1953, Vol. 10 No. 3. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine,

Thought to Ponder....

The elevator is broken -- use the Steps.




Using the steps. :thumbsup: Maybe it seems a boring part of the program, because it's all about work on ourselves, self-analysis, our character defects, and our interactions with others. Working on ourselves is a pain in the azz. It's a lot easier to help others and do service work.

When you're at a meeting, adn someone talks about being stuck, that they can't get past something, a lot of the time it's about them doing step work, or not doing it. No one likes to do the kind of work where we're looking inside ourselves, and see defect upon defect upon self-examination, it ain't pretty. :D But it's the foundation of recovery, and the steps are necessary to get to a more serene existence. Avoid them at your own risk. ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by DarkSkies

you don't know the exact moment that cucumber becomes a pickle. But.....once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can't turn back into a cucumber.

---

that's great!:lookhappy:

^ Jon, my brain is still pickled sometimes. A good thing is it won't get any more pickled, unless I keep falling down and accidentally hitting my head on the jetties. ;)

February 17, 2009

Unity

Since personal calamity holds us in bondage no more,
our most challenging concern
has become the future of Alcoholics Anonymous;
how to preserve among us A.A.s such a powerful unity
that neither weakness of persons nor the strain and strife of these troubled times
can harm our common cause.
We know that Alcoholics Anonymous must continue to live.
Else, save few exceptions, we and our brother alcoholics throughout the world
will surely resume the hopeless journey to oblivion.
- Bill W.

Thought to Ponder....

There is no strength without unity.





Unity is great as a concept, but so much harder to forge in real life. I've been trying to make this one meeting on Fri nights. It's becoming a favorite of mine because there are so many hard core people there, recovering, who should have been dead many times over. Yet the meeting is sometimes plagued with infighting and petty disturbances, people let ego get in the way and get into stupid arguments.

That's no surprise, the same thing happens with fishermen too. I was talking with someone at the Maryland show the other day, and we agreed that a lot of fishermen may not pay attention to an issue unless it concerns them directly. This is the way of life, or as JimmyZ sez - it is what it is.

I know today, that I'm not in this alone, and that I can not do this alone.
The new ones just come in, keep it green for me. And i can't keep it, unless I give it away. :HappyWave:

^^ Hey Jimmy, you're a great inspiration for giving it away, you're always generous with your time and advice, whether to fishermen or recovering alcoholics. :HappyWave:




February 18, 2009
Self-pity

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found
in that bitter morass of self-pity.
Quicksand stretched around me in all directions.
I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
- Bill W.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 18.


Thought to Ponder....
Self-pity is followed by isolation is followed by a drink.





I still see this as one of my biggest character defects, and one I need to work more intensely on this year. Like many other recovering alcoholics and addicts, my family is extremely dysfunctional. I have helped some family members in their darkest times, only to get slapped in the face in return. Greed and selfishness prevent some people in my family from growing up, and I have to accept this will never change.

So this bothers me, and I talk about it too much sometimes, I am asking my AA/NA brothers and sisters, and anyone else who knows me and reads this, to please help me if you can. If you ever get into a conversation with me, and I start ranting about family issues, please stop me and remind me about self-pity. Thanks!

I'm getting better at putting these issues out of my mind, it's best to focus on the here and now, and positive stuff. But I still need to be made aware when I start ranting. That's one of the reasons I have a problem dealing with selfish people in all walks of life. It reminds me of my family.

Anyway, today's rant is over. I feel better havinng got it out. There are too many more important things to focus on.

And to any lurkers out there who may read this, if you're having similar problems with family or friends, remember that there is always someone out there who has it a lot worse than you.

Lose your job? Someone is losing their home today. Lose your home? Someone is losing their life today from illness. Lose a girlfriend, or get divorced? Maybe your new path will be more rewarding, give it time. Lost the loyalty of your friends? Find new friends!

Self-pity gets us nowhere. There is always a way out of the misery and despair we sometimes find ourselves in. We just have to be open enough to want to seek it out. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon3.gif

Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself, images of my prisoners loom up in my head, from when I was a Corrections Officer.

Amen, Jon. No matter how bad we think our lives are, theres always someone in a worse position than us.




February 19, 2009

Readjustment

Life is God's good gift to me. I must cooperate with it to live it,
which means constant readjustment
and the throwing out of phoney fancies as to how I might manage it
by the thankful sharing of all honest thinking with my fellows.
Living means growing which is not without pain but which, I believe,
is what we are together for now. . .
Living needs practicing, which is what God is giving me the grace to do.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, October 1958, Vol. 15 No. 5. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

What I am is God's gift to me. What I make of myself is my gift to Him.





I like the above because it deals with the reality of life. We all need to grow as people to have better experiences. I think that transcends being an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic or addict allows us to focus on it as part of our recovery program, and for that we're fortunate. Periodic re-adjustment of our values and outlook on life is important. An adaptable person is one who can survive anything.

Took the wife to a local jazz cafe for valentine's night. very cool spot; they had a trio that played coltrane, davis, etc. from memory and were super tight.

anyway, i had a Beck's NA, which was great. i still like a beer now and then, so it's nice that they make decent NA beers now. (O'Douls is skunk if you ask me.)

I wouldn't have had one a coupla years ago, and i have friends that have many more years sober than i do and wouldn't dream of having an NA beer, but for me, it's not an issue.

Hey Jon, whatever works for you is cool, that's why the program works for me. We're all different. They put these things out there for us to follow, if it works for us, we stay sober. If it doesn't work, our inner voice lets us know soon enough. Glad you and your wife had a good time for Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I are celebrating tonight. :thumbsup:



February 21, 2009

Bedevilments

We were having trouble with personal relationships,
we couldn't control our emotional natures,
we were a prey to misery and depression,
we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness,
we were full of fear, we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people --
was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important ... ?

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 52.


Thought to Ponder....

Eighty per cent of the solution is a well-defined problem.








The above rings true. In my addiction, I had all of the above problems. Things would run smoothly for awhile, but soon enough I would tend to screw up. It was impossible for me not to screw up. I still make mistakes now, but they may be mistakes in judgement, or other things, that can be corrected and learned from.

February22, 2009

Walk In Dry Places

Staying on course___Power in purpose

When riding in an airplane on automatic pilot, I marvel at the way the aircraft stays on course even while bouncing and shaking through pockets of turbulence. Even more significant is the pilot's calm indifference to these minor movements as he checks occasionally to make sure the plane continues on the right course.

Many things that happen to us each day are no more important than the routine turbulence and aircraft encounters. But as sick, compulsive people, we sometimes view every disturbance as a terrible storm and become panicky or enraged over things that are of little consequence in the long run. "I could accept a major calamity, but a broken fingernail ruined my day," one speaker said at an AA meeting.

We can set our lives on "automatic pilot" by choosing continuing recovery as our major goal and letting all things fall in line with that. The turbulence of ordinary living cannot deflect us from our true course if we calmly accept it as natural, unavoidable, and non-threatening. Even if a real storm blows up and gives us anxious moments, we can stay on the recovery course we have chosen.

Disappointments and annoyances are part of the human condition. I will be cheerful and optimistic today even if I am bounced around a bit. There is within me an automatic pilot, through which my Higher Power leads me to continued recovery and true fulfillment as a person.



I can identify with that. I grew up with such dysfunctionality that a major crisis is normal to me. If people all around me are dying and screaming, I can be the one to help find a solution. The more extreme the crisis is, the better I am at helping others manage a way out of it.

I had the above stuff happen to me yesterday. Was supposed to hit a couple of shows for Joe, it didn't work out that way. I had stuff I had to take care of in the morning daylight. Then I had to deal with a starter that wouldn't start on my truck. All these became part of a conspiracy to throw me off my focus. :burn:

The best thing I learned in times like that is that you must be flexible. You should always have a plan B, C and maybe even D for any situation. I do that for fishing, so why not my life?

Unfortunately, it wasn't working out for me that way yesterday. I got to th show late with a chip on my shoulder. Man, was I a crabass! I had also been crabby earlier with my girlfriend because of a small mistake she made. She didn't deserve my crabiness. I could have handled it better, and I didn't. http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...cons/icon9.gif

Talking to another guy in the parking lot helped calm me down a little. He was late himself, and walking around looking for the location on a big college campus. I stopped a police car to ask directions for both of us. As the other lost guy continued on his way in a hurry, he pointed out an empty parking spot. He didn't know me, but appreciated that I flagged down a cop so we could both get where we were going.

Acts of kindness by strangers. Sometimes it's the littlest thing that can help to re-align your day back on the right path. Try to remember that when you meet strangers out there. These petty differences and disappointments are petty, we should not let them ruin our day.

This also happens with fishermen because of our big egos. So many times I meet a different group of fishermen, and they say: "I don't like or fish with ____ because he said this, or he disrespected my friend, etc." I'll fish with anyone who loves to fish, as long as they're not a danger to other people. Their politics or beliefs don't matter to me, What matters is if they love to fish.

My ego gets in the way sometimes with other people, the same way other people let their egos get in the way of just going out there and having a good time in God's playground, the oceans, lakes and rivers where we love to be. Having a conversation with another friend at the show, I realized that this petty stuff is sad, and our egos let us waste a lot of time being petty. Let's fish!!! :D