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Tiger shark found in Florida
Sent in by Finchaser, thanks! :HappyWave:
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Enjoy the ride, life is short
Sent in by Gjb, thanks!
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To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1..At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars..... See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions,Switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.
6.Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10.Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
And The Final WayTo Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
14.PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
Enjoy The Ride, Life is Short!!
TRIP TO COSTCO....don't mess with the old folks!
Sent in by the old grouchy basstard, OGB....thanks!
TRIP TO COSTCO:
I don't know if the following is a true story, but thanks to my brother-in-law for sharing it. If you need a good laugh, read on:
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had; an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
God Bless America