VA man catches giant Frankenfish

VA man catches giant Frankenfish that will haunt your dreams forever

Caleb Newton’s three-foot catch could be a world record fish.
By Nate Scott – June 10, 2013 at 4:56pm EDT


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(AP Photo/Ed Wray)
A Virginia man hauled in a 17-pound, six-ounce Northern snakehead fish that could be a world-record fish, both in that it’s the largest Northern snakehead that’s ever been caught and it will also set the world record for most nightmares given to this reporter.
Snakehead fish are sometimes known as Frankenfish because they can walk on land. They’re known as snakehead fish because they have heads that look like snakes. So, basically, this guy caught a three-foot-long snake monster fish that can walk.
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A striped snakehead walks to water in Vietnam.
Before I start a national panic, I should point out that…actually, no. I’m going to start a national panic. There are three-foot-long snake monsters LITERALLY WALKING out of the POTOMAC RIVER. EVERYBODY FREAK OUT.
The fisherman Caleb Newton was the man who wrangled in this hellspawn, and the fish was so big that he wasn’t able to fit it in his cooler. He submitted the fish as potentially being world-record size, as it weighs a couple ounces more than any Frankenfish ever caught before. We will report back if he wins the world record, assuming the fish haven’t eaten us all by then.
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That’s Newton above, posing with the fish, in a photo that was probably taken mere seconds before the fish turned around and ate him. (UPDATE: The fish did not eat him. But I’m guessing it’s just biding its time.)
Frankenfish are native to China, Russia, North Korea and South Korea, but their populations are growing in North America, where they are considered an invasive species. They have no known natural predators.
Let me repeat that: they have no known natural predators. The only things that kill Frankenfish are humans and other Frankenfish. That’s also right. They’re cannibals. Franken-snake-cannibals. Sent from the depths. That can walk. That are in the Potomac.


This is a trailer for the 2004 documentary B-movie Frankenfish.
Well, we had a good run, Humanity. I’m going to go down to the banks of the Potomac and surrender now to our new Snake-Fish-Monster-Cannibal Warlords. Perhaps they will be lenient.
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Those are evil looking and disgusting. They should find a way to kill them all. I guess we are past that stage now and they will be like the killer bees or ant invasions.