Rednecks in the mist

[nitestrikes]

kinfolk joke

Two good ole boys were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer...
After a while the first guy says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak
over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you
was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched
his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even."

[plugcrazy]

Redneck Pole Dancing

[skinner]

^ Bet that girl could crush your head between her legs like a coconut. Husband or boyfriend that put that up for her is a lucky guy.

[skinner]

public toilet no waiting

[cracklepopper]

Redneck Pole Dancing

[albiealert]

Redneck Pole Dancing

x2

[bababooey]

Great tune, pics are a little fuzzy.

[DarkSkies]

Someone sent me this



A Florida redneck was stopped by a game warden because he had two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a bayou, well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'

'Naw, sir', replied the man. 'I ain't got none of dem there licenses. You gotta unnerstan', dese here are my pet fish.'

'Pet fish?'

'Yeah. Evry night, I take dese here fish down to de lake and let 'em swim 'round for 'while. Den, when I whistle, dey jump right back into dis here ice chests and I take 'em home.'

'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's de truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'

'O. K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'

The man poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'

'Well, what?', says the redneck.

The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'

'Call who back?'

'The FISH', replied the warden!

'What fish?', replied the redneck.

Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks!


The new 2009 redneck award winners.
Redneck Harley

Redneck Bass Boat
Redneck Grill


Follow the link for more


Redneck Horseshoes


Redneck Lawn mower


Redneck Weather Station


Redneck Pet Carrier


Redneck Gingerbread House


Redneck Palm Pilot


Redneck Powerball Winner


The above Powerball Winner on Vacation


You Might be a redneck if…
A little rain doesn’t spoil the fishing…



You need fashion tips from your husband


You wear a shirt like this for your engagement picture…


And your wedding cake looked like this…


Your doghouse looks like this…


Your pickup looks like this…


You have a deer’s butt for a door bell…


You don’t need a lake to do a little skiing…


Or if your wife is quoted in the local paper saying…

[Pebbles]

Very Funny, I enjoyed them all.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by Finchaser, thanks!


Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas'er family thatlived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days..

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom

[i bd fossil]

I really hate to say it, but ... Most of those pictures and jokes were the norm when we movedto Delaware 27+ years ago. To keep from being shot by anyone here things have changed quite a bit since then. For the better !!!

[jigfreak]

Sent in by Finchaser, thanks!


Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas'er family thatlived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days..

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom

Hey I resemble that remark!

I really hate to say it, but ... Most of those pictures and jokes were the norm when we movedto Delaware 27+ years ago. To keep from being shot by anyone here things have changed quite a bit since then. For the better !!!

Do you live in lower slower Delaware?

[i bd fossil]

Hey I resemble that remark!



Do you live in lower slower Delaware?

Nope. But spent a lot of time down there. Up here the state sport was pushing a car from the package store to the gas station, change from the purchase was used to buy gas for the entry into the DUI competition !!!

[DarkSkies]

, change from the purchase was used to buy gas for the entry into the DUI competition !!!

Funny stuff, IBD!



**************************
Sent in by Surfstix, thanks!

"Redneck'n"

They should title this...the transportation series, priceless.

[DarkSkies]

More by Surfstix.

[hookset]

Redneck pool party

[nitestrikes]

I love this one, expanding foam is the new duct tape.

[Doublerunner]

Redneck Medical Terms
Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Colic - a sheep dog
coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
Genital - a non-Jewish person
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by

This is hilarious. ROFL

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks!

A day in the life of a Hillbilly Wedding.

It all started out with me pickin up my blushin' bride in ma daddy's limo down to the 7 Eleven when she got off work.

My pappy ran down to the Burger King to pick up some reception viddles.

I took my blushin' bride to a place where she could get dressed up and all.

My bride was having problems with a worked up stomach, if you know what I mean, so we had the preacher meet us at the outhouse for the ceremony.

Afterward, Pappy took a picture of my bride by her new tractor.

It was a weddin' gift from our uncle

Now that the ceremony was done, it was time to celebrate.

Granny had the cooler all stocked up..

Bubba dragged out the grill.

Meanwhile everyone enjoyed some yard games.

We had lots a fun after the weddin at the big shindig...

Fat Hattie tosses her hoss shoe pretty good.

Cleetus wins at hoss shoes.

Bobbin fer pigsfeet

He gots himself a pigs foot!

Clem lightin up the Barbeque

Cusin Weeble and Lowside showin off their LTD restoration

Billywayne brung his new huntin rifle ta try out.

Ol lady winnin the Budweiser pull!

Some Ol ladys rasslin in the pond

Mama Hortense restin after rasslin in the pond.

Cousin Lemule is an ace at hoss shoes.

Gennielee showin off her new boob job.

Some of the fellas went water skiin'.

The Hatfield girls brought their guns, jest in case.

When all the fun was over, I took my bride to our honeymoon suite

After the honeymoon we moved.......

To our beautiful waterfront condo.

Married life is good!

__________________