December 1, 2008

One Among Many

As a lifelong know-it-all, people-pleaser, caretaker, mind-reader,
problem-fixer, and control freak,
I am incredibly susceptible to believing my own propaganda.
Of course, pretty soon someone lets me know that I am very dispensable,
and my input or advice isn't needed, thank you very much.
When I go to meetings, I am reminded that I am one among many.
This is truly a "we" program.





Some of the dangerous thinking we get into as alcoholics is that we are unique, and no one could possibly have the same problems as us due to our uniqueness. Uniqueness is to be prized when you are talking about creative pursuit, art, hobbies, stuff like that.

But the more I distanced myself from other peopel because they didn't drink the same thing I did, or ingest the same substances I did, the more I was isolating myself.

A good friend once said to me he couldn't possibly be an alcoholic because he went to a better school than me, and didn't grow up hanging out with street people like I did. He looked as alcoholics as winos in the streets, and only viewed addicted people as those with needles in their arms, or the ones you see hanging outside the methadone clinics. Those were the "messed up" ones. Since he didn't have those same circumstances in his life, he was ok.

He's dead now, partly because he didn't want to open up about his alcoholism and other things bothering him.

An intelligent guy, too intelligent for his own good. Anyone ever recall hearing that phrase?

So I know that no matter what my different experiences are, I am the same as every recovering alcoholic and addict out there. Deep down, we all go through some of these same feelings of isolation, desperation, remorse, self-doubt, and feelings of powerless from time to time.

One of the things that sticks with me is when I first went to meetings they had all these corny phrases. Now they ring true in my head at certain times. The one that comes to mind after today's reading is:
"Together, we can do something I cannot do alone"
Alcoholism is sometimes described as "self-will run riot".

Sometimes it's good to tune in and not only hear, but listen to the experiences of others. It helped me. If you're willing to listen, it can help you too.