December 4, 2008

Powerless

I did not know that it was physically impossible for me to drink moderately.
I did not know that my body's drinking machinery had worn out,
and that the parts could not be replaced.
I did not know that just one drink made it impossible
for me to control my behavior and conduct and my future drinking.
I did not know, in short, that I was powerless over alcohol.
My family and my friends sensed or knew these things about me
long before I did.




This took me a long time to accept. When I came in the rooms, I was so beaten and depressed I was willing to try, so I listened. Truly understanding the concept was difficult for me. For a long time, I had been independent, made my own money, and made my own decisions. Giving this up to a concept of powerlessness felt funny. It felt stupid. But that's the only way to mmove forward in a positive direction - to admit we are powerless over the addictions that grip us, and seek ways of moving forward with this in mind.