One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

Thought for the day:

November 28, 2008

On The Edge

No one who drank as I did wakes up on the edge of the abyss one morning
and says: Things look pretty scary; I think I'd better stop drinking before I fall in.
I was convinced I could go as far as I wanted,
and then climb back out when it wasn't fun anymore.
What happened was, I found myself at the bottom of the canyon
thinking I'd never see the sun again.
AA didn't pull me out of that hole.
It did give me the tools to construct a ladder with Twelve Steps.






People talk about hitting bottom. I hit bottom many times, only I convinced myself each time it wasn't the bottom. I would screw up, feel terrible about it, and rationalize it wasn't that bad. People talk about banging your head against the wall and achieving the same results. I had to have my head smashed against a wall, and face death, before it was enough to scare me straight.

Words and logic from others did nothing, no matter how well-meaning they were. I had to learn life's hard lessons by myself. Remembering where I came from, and how hard it was to get out of there, helps me to keep my memory green and to stay sober today.

[DarkSkies]

November 29, 2008

Escape Act

I was at a dead halt - spiritually, mentally, and physically.
Depression smothered my muffled thinking even more. . .
Thank God I never gave up on meetings,
so my Higher Power finally got through to me.
I realized I'd been playing the great escape act all this time.
I know now I have a lot of work to do.





I knew that routine well. The good thing was that meetings were kind of the thing that saved me from further trouble. At first people said make 90 in 90 days. So many people have trouble with that, they think: How the heck can I make so many, I have a life to live, I'm busy, dammit!

Letting something or someone take priority over out sobriety is part of the cunning, baffling, and powerful nature of our addictions.

There are times when meetings don't fit the person - guys will say to me, yeah I know I should be going, but the people at that one I go to down the street are a'holes.

Well, find another street, and another meeting.

[DarkSkies]

November 30, 2008

Seeking Serenity

The program may not always be easy to practice,
but I had to acknowledge that my serenity had come to me
after working the Steps.
As I work the Steps in everything I do,
practicing these principles in all my affairs,
now I find that I am awake to God, to others, and to myself.


Thought to Ponder....

Serenity isn't freedom from the storm;
it is peace within the storm.






The thing about serenity for me, is that I don't view it as a goal or milestone. Otherwise it's too difficult. Instead I look at it as a gradual process.

The stuff about God I have been reading in the AA site I am doing the c&p from is a little heavy. Honestly, some of ythat turns me off at times. The way I look at these readings is to take what you want from them, and kind of minimize the rest.

I remember on another site there was a guy who was against the concept of meetings and God. He was so strongly set in his thinking, calling the meetings "brainwashing sessions". He was viewing people in recovery as being under some kind of mind control, so he naturally was against it. I think some of his resistance was hurting him in a negative sense because he closed his mind to all of the possibilities.

The cool thing about meetings and trying to recover is no one tells you exactly what to do unless you ask for advice. Just take what you want, leave the rest, that's what works for me.

[mick2360]

There's a lot to be said for taking what you can and leaving the rest; except that alcoholics and addicts are notoriously willful men and women. It took me awhile to humble myself enough to put myself under the guidance of another person who had been successful in achieving sobriety. Mustering up that level of trust was difficult, just not as difficult as dealing with the wreckage caused by my ongoing drinking.

As far as the thought to ponder, now, fifteen years later, i know that I am not immune to the troubles of life. I do know to keep calm, do not drink and keep taking appropriate steps to whatever I am dealing with. Life gets better and when there is a loss to be dealt with, I know that I am in a better place to deal with it. When I was drinking, honor and dignity were about not losing face and never, never taking a step back. Now they mean showing up, doing my level best and treating others fairly no matter what the situation. Honor and dignity come from meeting the standards I have set for my life, not meeting the expectations of others.

[jonthepain]

3 1/2 years sober today.

It's all grace.

[DarkSkies]

3 1/2 years sober today.

It's all grace.

I must have missed this the first time around, jon. Congrats, that's a great achievement, one day at a time.

[DarkSkies]

December 1, 2008

One Among Many

As a lifelong know-it-all, people-pleaser, caretaker, mind-reader,
problem-fixer, and control freak,
I am incredibly susceptible to believing my own propaganda.
Of course, pretty soon someone lets me know that I am very dispensable,
and my input or advice isn't needed, thank you very much.
When I go to meetings, I am reminded that I am one among many.
This is truly a "we" program.





Some of the dangerous thinking we get into as alcoholics is that we are unique, and no one could possibly have the same problems as us due to our uniqueness. Uniqueness is to be prized when you are talking about creative pursuit, art, hobbies, stuff like that.

But the more I distanced myself from other peopel because they didn't drink the same thing I did, or ingest the same substances I did, the more I was isolating myself.

A good friend once said to me he couldn't possibly be an alcoholic because he went to a better school than me, and didn't grow up hanging out with street people like I did. He looked as alcoholics as winos in the streets, and only viewed addicted people as those with needles in their arms, or the ones you see hanging outside the methadone clinics. Those were the "messed up" ones. Since he didn't have those same circumstances in his life, he was ok.

He's dead now, partly because he didn't want to open up about his alcoholism and other things bothering him.

An intelligent guy, too intelligent for his own good. Anyone ever recall hearing that phrase?

So I know that no matter what my different experiences are, I am the same as every recovering alcoholic and addict out there. Deep down, we all go through some of these same feelings of isolation, desperation, remorse, self-doubt, and feelings of powerless from time to time.

One of the things that sticks with me is when I first went to meetings they had all these corny phrases. Now they ring true in my head at certain times. The one that comes to mind after today's reading is:
"Together, we can do something I cannot do alone"
Alcoholism is sometimes described as "self-will run riot".

Sometimes it's good to tune in and not only hear, but listen to the experiences of others. It helped me. If you're willing to listen, it can help you too.

[DarkSkies]

There's a lot to be said for taking what you can and leaving the rest; except that alcoholics and addicts are notoriously willful men and women. It took me awhile to humble myself enough to put myself under the guidance of another person who had been successful in achieving sobriety. Mustering up that level of trust was difficult, just not as difficult as dealing with the wreckage caused by my ongoing drinking.

Mick, your point about alcoholics and addicts being notoriously willful is more accurate than what I said, and right on the money.

Many alcoholics will not humble themselves to the advice of complete strangers. They say the first thing we should do when hitting a meeting is shut up and listen. Alcoholics who want help need to realize that the advice being given to them comes from not from theory, but from the school of hard knocks.

So my advice about taking what you want and leaving the rest came from that other site where G started that thread. Once in a while, someone would come in and slam the thread, or AA, because they felt we were brainwashed, or they didn't agree with the principles and practices of AA., or the mention of God, etc, etc

Some would say those people need to suffer more before they are ready to listen. If they're still arguing with people who have years of sobriety, maybe they arent ready? That's where the shades of grey come in. I believe everyone deserves a second chance to repair their lives. Some don't see it as a chance, they come in kicking and screaming.

Bottom line, I agree they should listen to everything they're told, but how do you deal with people who are still active and negative on 90% of the program, or negative on it because they hear "God" mentioned too much? I feel they should come in anyway and look around, even if they aren't ready. You never know what will rub off, or when someone will come back and say - "Ya know, that thing you were talking about just hit me, now I understand..."

[jonthepain]

yeah it's funny how over there one guy would say "too much God stuff" and another would say "you're worshipping the group and not God at all."

maybe cuz there's so many members it's like instant argument no matter what is said.

[mick2360]

Jon, Great to see you here! Keep coming back!

Dark, There is a lot of disagreement over various aspects of a twelve step program. I was lucky; I was sick enough and desperate enough to follow advice. It saved my life. We come from different angles on the God aspect of the program. Acknowledging that and putting it aside, agreeing to disagree if you will, there is still a lot I can learn from you. How can I not respect a man who carries a googan bucket with such confidence and dignity?