I thank God for my alcoholism. It caused me to do a lot of harm to others and like dark's post points out, people around me knew the depth of my drinking problem long before I did. After all, I had the anesthesia of alcohol and denial to deaden me to what my behavior was doing to others.

Mostly, I remember the shame. I would black out and say or do things that i didn't recollect. I would have to call a friend and ask what I did or if I owed anyone an apology. I started losing my car and had to get a ride to check my hangouts. I was the life of the party until, more and more, I was the last one standing, watching the sun come up all alone. And there was the sickness, the shakes and the horrible headaches. I started to get up early to hit a bar on the way into work, hanging out with the third shift guys, drinking a beer to kill the shakes and the sickness. It was along way from the good times but I was at it so long it seemed normal.

So why would anyone in their right mind thank God for such a thing? Listen; I wake up in the middle of the night, the hours when I used to be awake drinking and I sit in my wife's sun room. My family is sleeping, trusting in me to take care of them and they have never known me to let them down in a major way. My daughter, who is fifteen has never smelled liquor on my breath, seen me wired on cocaine or zoned out from weed. My wife trusts and loves me. These things were once beyond my comprehension, let alone my grasp. I am blessed and honored by the love of my family today.

Recovery, for me, began with a few false starts but each failure was really a lesson and they built to longer periods between drinks. With the help of AA and a network of sober friends, the weeks stretched into months and then years. If you are just starting, it is a program of trust; trusting that others who have been where you stand can show you the path. Give it a try.