One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

December 4, 2008

Powerless

I did not know that it was physically impossible for me to drink moderately.
I did not know that my body's drinking machinery had worn out,
and that the parts could not be replaced.
I did not know that just one drink made it impossible
for me to control my behavior and conduct and my future drinking.
I did not know, in short, that I was powerless over alcohol.
My family and my friends sensed or knew these things about me
long before I did.




This took me a long time to accept. When I came in the rooms, I was so beaten and depressed I was willing to try, so I listened. Truly understanding the concept was difficult for me. For a long time, I had been independent, made my own money, and made my own decisions. Giving this up to a concept of powerlessness felt funny. It felt stupid. But that's the only way to mmove forward in a positive direction - to admit we are powerless over the addictions that grip us, and seek ways of moving forward with this in mind.

[mick2360]

I thank God for my alcoholism. It caused me to do a lot of harm to others and like dark's post points out, people around me knew the depth of my drinking problem long before I did. After all, I had the anesthesia of alcohol and denial to deaden me to what my behavior was doing to others.

Mostly, I remember the shame. I would black out and say or do things that i didn't recollect. I would have to call a friend and ask what I did or if I owed anyone an apology. I started losing my car and had to get a ride to check my hangouts. I was the life of the party until, more and more, I was the last one standing, watching the sun come up all alone. And there was the sickness, the shakes and the horrible headaches. I started to get up early to hit a bar on the way into work, hanging out with the third shift guys, drinking a beer to kill the shakes and the sickness. It was along way from the good times but I was at it so long it seemed normal.

So why would anyone in their right mind thank God for such a thing? Listen; I wake up in the middle of the night, the hours when I used to be awake drinking and I sit in my wife's sun room. My family is sleeping, trusting in me to take care of them and they have never known me to let them down in a major way. My daughter, who is fifteen has never smelled liquor on my breath, seen me wired on cocaine or zoned out from weed. My wife trusts and loves me. These things were once beyond my comprehension, let alone my grasp. I am blessed and honored by the love of my family today.

Recovery, for me, began with a few false starts but each failure was really a lesson and they built to longer periods between drinks. With the help of AA and a network of sober friends, the weeks stretched into months and then years. If you are just starting, it is a program of trust; trusting that others who have been where you stand can show you the path. Give it a try.

[DarkSkies]

I hear ya, brother. At times my shame was so intense I thought about killiing myself, and figured the easiest ways to do it so there wouldn't be too much of a mess for anyone who came and found me when I was dead. The cycle of addiction and remorse was slowly killing me, and I couldn't stop. Each time I screwed up, crashed a car, or did some other monumentaly stupid thing, I was able to quit for awhile out of fear. Soon after, I was back at it again. The shame worked for awhile, but my addictions always took over again.

Isn't it amazing how some of the simplest things today can cause us to pause, and look at them with gratitude?

Well put, man.

[DarkSkies]

December 5, 2008

Humility

We first reach for a little humility,
knowing that we shall perish of alcoholism if we do not.
After a time, though we may still rebel somewhat,
we commence to practice humility because this is the right thing to do.
Then comes the day when, finally freed in large degree from rebellion,
we practice humility because we deeply want it as a way of life.


This is a great concept to discuss. As alcoholics and addicts, we are powerful. No one can tell us what to do, we know best. Then we screw up, hit another bottom, and feel remorse. But to give up our "powerful" ways of thought, to grasp the concept of powerlessness, to humble ourselves and practice humility, no effen way!

It has been said that ego is one of the biggest obstacles to recovery. I know that for a fact, ego stood in my way for many years. I was only able to practice humility when I was beaten down and at the end of my rope. My way was not working, so I reluctantly was willing to try another.

Yet, I did, and have seen some people die because they wouldn't practice humility and humble themselves. I have seen some of them go out after years of sobriety because they became too powerful for humility. Thankfuully some of them made it back into the rooms, but some did not.

[jonthepain]

We are taught from an early age to have pride - pride in ourselves, our school, our communities, what we do; in short, to be exceedingly prideful individuals. Look out for #1.

Pride killed my best friend. The week before Christmas. He had quit for a season but it got him again and killed him. Damn I miss him, but not half as much as his wife and kids.

mick, that was a beautiful, inciteful post. thanks.

[DarkSkies]

December 6, 2008

Healing Ourselves

We realize now that we were excessively self-centered,
chiefly concerned about our feelings, our problems,
other people's reactions to us, and our own past and future.
Therefore, trying to get into communication with and help other people
is a recovery measure for us, because it helps take us out of ourselves.
Trying to heal ourselves by helping others works,
even when it is an insincere gesture.
Try it some time.

Thought to Ponder....

Trust God. Clean house. Help others.


Some of these thoughts for the day I have been putting up have begun to ring trrue for me. A few days ago I put up a quote about surrender, and last night surrender, character defects and defects of character were talked about. Good stuff, keeps my memory green and reminded me how hard it was for me to surrender. I know I would not have given it a thought if I didn't feel my life was over and I was at the end of my rope.

As for helping others, last night I went to a meeting where I ran into some people I helped. One acknowledged in his story how me and other friends were there for him through thick and thin. The story made me feel good because there were times I almost gave up on helping, it didn't seem like he wanted to help himself.

I also saw some familiar faces of people I used to run with, and now they're sober and working the program. One friend thanked me, said it was due to me he came into the rooms. I feel uncomfortable someone putting that on my head.

God's in charge, I told my friend the reason I tried to help him was selfish - I ddn't want to see another friend die. I've seen too many friends and acquaintances die from this disease and the problems related to it. I know many more will die, but I'm tired of seeing it among those I know. Not when there is hope in the form of meetings, step work, and recovery.

It felt good to hear some of the familiar phrases. Some have viewed them as brainwashing, whatever. They do make sense to me. They're common sense ideas, wrapped in the principles of the program.

One of them is:
If you do what you always did, you'll get what ya always got. Simple, but effective.


I will always try to help a suffering alcoholic or addict who asks.
Help someone today if you can, and help make the world a better place. Too much anger and resentment out there.