One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[jonthepain]

Sometimes I say: but if there is a God, why does all this crap happen? Answer: he can't control the evil that lurks in the hearts of people.

that's the oldest question, isn't it?

i would argue that God can control the evil in the heart, but that He loves us enough to let us choose. He is a gentleman. He doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't want robots; what satisfaction is there in a bunch of beings worshiping you cuz you forced them to? How much better if they come to that of their own free will? thus, free will. we choose one way or another, all day long. It's the greatest gift.

What we do with that gift is what defines us.

[DarkSkies]

that's the oldest question, isn't it?

i would argue that God can control the evil in the heart, but that He loves us enough to let us choose. He is a gentleman. He doesn't force us to do anything. He doesn't want robots; what satisfaction is there in a bunch of beings worshiping you cuz you forced them to? How much better if they come to that of their own free will? thus, free will. we choose one way or another, all day long. It's the greatest gift.

What we do with that gift is what defines us.

Jon, that was beautifully said, man. You said it so much better than I could have, with half as many words.

[jonthepain]

[surferman]

Well said Jon, well said!!

[DarkSkies]

February 14, 2009

Happiness

I have found a joy in living that has nothing to do with money or material success.
I know that incomparable happiness that comes from helping
some other fellow get straightened out.
Don't get me wrong. We are not a bunch of angels.
None of us has any notion of becoming such.
But we know that we can never go completely back to old ways
because we are traveling upward through service to others
and in trying to be honest, decent, and loving toward the world.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 335.

Thought to Ponder....

Happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination.



Happiness is definitely part of the journey for me. It's not always there, there are some sad and trying days. But lose focus on happiness, lose focus on your recovery. It is a good thing to have in your life, one day at a time.


Happy Valentine's Day to all the ladies out there! I wanted to express my gratitude for my girlfriend. We have a great time together, lots of laughs. She never hassles me about goin fishin, and helps keep me grounded. If anyone out there is alone this Valentine's Day, no big deal. There is always someone, somewhere, who could use a hug.

Guys, no girlfriends or wives, how about calling your Mom and thanking her for bringing you into this world? Anyone else, it was explained to me a long tome ago that if you can'rt get the love you want from the people in your life, you need to seek out those who will give you the love you need.

Peace and love to all on this Valentines weekend!

[jimmy z]

I shared at a meeting the other night about how I always saw the glass as being half empty. I always saw the bad side, or the sad side, or found all of the faults in everything. I was not happy. Today, I am still Jimmy, but I see the good side, the happy side, and I find the good in everything.
Now physically I'm the same person, but I see the glass as being half full, and for that I am grateful. And with that gratitude, come happiness.

[DarkSkies]

February 15, 2009

Life on Life's Terms

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful,
and ask for the right thought or action.
We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show,
humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done."

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 100.

Thought to Ponder....

Wisdom is knowing the right path to take. Integrity is taking it.


The 2 sentences above say volumes. Those 2 alone could save us a world of pain and disappointment, if we were only to follow them. It's not always easy to take the right path. Sometimes its a pain in the azz. When you cut corners in your sobriety or your life, you eventually feel bad when your conscience gets to you.

A famous person once said the measure of a man is how he behaves when no one is looking, and how he treats the people that he comes into contact with every day. Good thoughts.


I was talking about going to see G a few days ago, the guy who helped me and countless others get into rehab and on our way to sobriety. I was in a hurry and almost talked myself out of stopping by. Well. I'm glad I did. Haven't seen him in almost 2 years.

We talked about people who almost died, and are now solid members of society, and the sad instances where people did die. His son and daughter in law were both lost to addiction, so he and his wife are raising their grandson. We talked about hown many kids today are focused on the next 5 minutes, and what a challenge that can be. He's doing ok, and keeping active. Over 30 years of sobriety, one day at a time. He teaches a class on addiction, and is gonna be in the Sr Olympics in California next month.

He's always been an inspiration to me, and it was good to touch base again.

I told him I was gonna borrow one of the phrases he's been using, I thought it was cool:


When someone asks him at what point do you know you're an alcoholic? What designates the difference between a drinker who has too much to drink sometimes, and someone who is developing alcoholism? What are the signs?

The standard program answer is that if your drinking or recreational drug use is causing you problems in your life or relationships, you might have a problem.

I like his analogy better. He uses the example of a jar of cucumbers in brine, in the process of becoming pickles. He says you don't know the exact moment that cucumber becomes a pickle. But.....once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can't turn back into a cucumber.

[DarkSkies]

I shared at a meeting the other night about how I always saw the glass as being half empty. I always saw the bad side, or the sad side, or found all of the faults in everything. I was not happy. Today, I am still Jimmy, but I see the good side, the happy side, and I find the good in everything.
Now physically I'm the same person, but I see the glass as being half full, and for that I am grateful. And with that gratitude, come happiness.

Jimmy, you're an inspiration too, hope I don't embarass ya too much. The simple way you break things down follows the program principles. You eliminate most of the confusion that way.

When things are half empty, you are almost done and might as well give up. Half full, and it gives you the incentive to strive more to enjoy, savor, and relish the amount you have left in that glass. It's all about perspective.

[jimmy z]

Jimmy, you're an inspiration too, hope I don't embarass ya too much. The simple way you break things down follows the program principles. You eliminate most of the confusion that way.

When things are half empty, you are almost done and might as well give up. Half full, and it gives you the incentive to strive more to enjoy, savor, and relish the amount you have left in that glass. It's all about perspective.

Not at all my friend. I think back on all the foolishness I did on my own, and feel today that there is nothing that can ever again embarrass me, because I did it all many years ago..
I'm very understanding when it comes to people.

[DarkSkies]

February 16, 2009

Slogans

As I was sitting at a meeting the other evening, a lady was speaking
and she mentioned the three slogans:
"Live and Let Live," "Easy Does It," and "First Things First,"
and that she was having trouble with "Easy Does It."
As she mentioned these slogans,
I looked up at the wall where they were displayed.
All I could see because of a lady's head in front of me
was the last word in each slogan. . . "Live. . . It. . . First."
Live and Let Live -- Easy Does It -- First Things First.
The thought came to me then that the secret of getting or living
these three slogans is to live the Twelve Steps first.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, August, 1953, Vol. 10 No. 3. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine,

Thought to Ponder....

The elevator is broken -- use the Steps.




Using the steps. Maybe it seems a boring part of the program, because it's all about work on ourselves, self-analysis, our character defects, and our interactions with others. Working on ourselves is a pain in the azz. It's a lot easier to help others and do service work.

When you're at a meeting, adn someone talks about being stuck, that they can't get past something, a lot of the time it's about them doing step work, or not doing it. No one likes to do the kind of work where we're looking inside ourselves, and see defect upon defect upon self-examination, it ain't pretty. But it's the foundation of recovery, and the steps are necessary to get to a more serene existence. Avoid them at your own risk.

[jonthepain]

you don't know the exact moment that cucumber becomes a pickle. But.....once a cucumber turns into a pickle, it can't turn back into a cucumber.

that's great!

[DarkSkies]

^ Jon, my brain is still pickled sometimes. A good thing is it won't get any more pickled, unless I keep falling down and accidentally hitting my head on the jetties.

[DarkSkies]

February 17, 2009

Unity

Since personal calamity holds us in bondage no more,
our most challenging concern
has become the future of Alcoholics Anonymous;
how to preserve among us A.A.s such a powerful unity
that neither weakness of persons nor the strain and strife of these troubled times
can harm our common cause.
We know that Alcoholics Anonymous must continue to live.
Else, save few exceptions, we and our brother alcoholics throughout the world
will surely resume the hopeless journey to oblivion.
- Bill W.

Thought to Ponder....

There is no strength without unity.





Unity is great as a concept, but so much harder to forge in real life. I've been trying to make this one meeting on Fri nights. It's becoming a favorite of mine because there are so many hard core people there, recovering, who should have been dead many times over. Yet the meeting is sometimes plagued with infighting and petty disturbances, people let ego get in the way and get into stupid arguments.

That's no surprise, the same thing happens with fishermen too. I was talking with someone at the Maryland show the other day, and we agreed that a lot of fishermen may not pay attention to an issue unless it concerns them directly. This is the way of life, or as JimmyZ sez - it is what it is.

[jimmy z]

I know today, that I'm not in this alone, and that I can not do this alone.
The new ones just come in, keep it green for me. And i can't keep it, unless I give it away.

[DarkSkies]

^^ Hey Jimmy, you're a great inspiration for giving it away, you're always generous with your time and advice, whether to fishermen or recovering alcoholics.




February 18, 2009
Self-pity

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found
in that bitter morass of self-pity.
Quicksand stretched around me in all directions.
I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
- Bill W.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 18.


Thought to Ponder....
Self-pity is followed by isolation is followed by a drink.





I still see this as one of my biggest character defects, and one I need to work more intensely on this year. Like many other recovering alcoholics and addicts, my family is extremely dysfunctional. I have helped some family members in their darkest times, only to get slapped in the face in return. Greed and selfishness prevent some people in my family from growing up, and I have to accept this will never change.

So this bothers me, and I talk about it too much sometimes, I am asking my AA/NA brothers and sisters, and anyone else who knows me and reads this, to please help me if you can. If you ever get into a conversation with me, and I start ranting about family issues, please stop me and remind me about self-pity. Thanks!

I'm getting better at putting these issues out of my mind, it's best to focus on the here and now, and positive stuff. But I still need to be made aware when I start ranting. That's one of the reasons I have a problem dealing with selfish people in all walks of life. It reminds me of my family.

Anyway, today's rant is over. I feel better havinng got it out. There are too many more important things to focus on.

And to any lurkers out there who may read this, if you're having similar problems with family or friends, remember that there is always someone out there who has it a lot worse than you.

Lose your job? Someone is losing their home today. Lose your home? Someone is losing their life today from illness. Lose a girlfriend, or get divorced? Maybe your new path will be more rewarding, give it time. Lost the loyalty of your friends? Find new friends!

Self-pity gets us nowhere. There is always a way out of the misery and despair we sometimes find ourselves in. We just have to be open enough to want to seek it out.

[jonthepain]

Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself, images of my prisoners loom up in my head, from when I was a Corrections Officer.

[DarkSkies]

Amen, Jon. No matter how bad we think our lives are, theres always someone in a worse position than us.




February 19, 2009

Readjustment

Life is God's good gift to me. I must cooperate with it to live it,
which means constant readjustment
and the throwing out of phoney fancies as to how I might manage it
by the thankful sharing of all honest thinking with my fellows.
Living means growing which is not without pain but which, I believe,
is what we are together for now. . .
Living needs practicing, which is what God is giving me the grace to do.

Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, October 1958, Vol. 15 No. 5. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.

Thought to Ponder....

What I am is God's gift to me. What I make of myself is my gift to Him.





I like the above because it deals with the reality of life. We all need to grow as people to have better experiences. I think that transcends being an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic or addict allows us to focus on it as part of our recovery program, and for that we're fortunate. Periodic re-adjustment of our values and outlook on life is important. An adaptable person is one who can survive anything.

[jonthepain]

Took the wife to a local jazz cafe for valentine's night. very cool spot; they had a trio that played coltrane, davis, etc. from memory and were super tight.

anyway, i had a Beck's NA, which was great. i still like a beer now and then, so it's nice that they make decent NA beers now. (O'Douls is skunk if you ask me.)

I wouldn't have had one a coupla years ago, and i have friends that have many more years sober than i do and wouldn't dream of having an NA beer, but for me, it's not an issue.

[DarkSkies]

Hey Jon, whatever works for you is cool, that's why the program works for me. We're all different. They put these things out there for us to follow, if it works for us, we stay sober. If it doesn't work, our inner voice lets us know soon enough. Glad you and your wife had a good time for Valentine's Day, my girlfriend and I are celebrating tonight.



February 21, 2009

Bedevilments

We were having trouble with personal relationships,
we couldn't control our emotional natures,
we were a prey to misery and depression,
we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness,
we were full of fear, we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people --
was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important ... ?

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 52.


Thought to Ponder....

Eighty per cent of the solution is a well-defined problem.








The above rings true. In my addiction, I had all of the above problems. Things would run smoothly for awhile, but soon enough I would tend to screw up. It was impossible for me not to screw up. I still make mistakes now, but they may be mistakes in judgement, or other things, that can be corrected and learned from.

[DarkSkies]

February22, 2009

Walk In Dry Places

Staying on course___Power in purpose

When riding in an airplane on automatic pilot, I marvel at the way the aircraft stays on course even while bouncing and shaking through pockets of turbulence. Even more significant is the pilot's calm indifference to these minor movements as he checks occasionally to make sure the plane continues on the right course.

Many things that happen to us each day are no more important than the routine turbulence and aircraft encounters. But as sick, compulsive people, we sometimes view every disturbance as a terrible storm and become panicky or enraged over things that are of little consequence in the long run. "I could accept a major calamity, but a broken fingernail ruined my day," one speaker said at an AA meeting.

We can set our lives on "automatic pilot" by choosing continuing recovery as our major goal and letting all things fall in line with that. The turbulence of ordinary living cannot deflect us from our true course if we calmly accept it as natural, unavoidable, and non-threatening. Even if a real storm blows up and gives us anxious moments, we can stay on the recovery course we have chosen.

Disappointments and annoyances are part of the human condition. I will be cheerful and optimistic today even if I am bounced around a bit. There is within me an automatic pilot, through which my Higher Power leads me to continued recovery and true fulfillment as a person.



I can identify with that. I grew up with such dysfunctionality that a major crisis is normal to me. If people all around me are dying and screaming, I can be the one to help find a solution. The more extreme the crisis is, the better I am at helping others manage a way out of it.

I had the above stuff happen to me yesterday. Was supposed to hit a couple of shows for Joe, it didn't work out that way. I had stuff I had to take care of in the morning daylight. Then I had to deal with a starter that wouldn't start on my truck. All these became part of a conspiracy to throw me off my focus.

The best thing I learned in times like that is that you must be flexible. You should always have a plan B, C and maybe even D for any situation. I do that for fishing, so why not my life?

Unfortunately, it wasn't working out for me that way yesterday. I got to th show late with a chip on my shoulder. Man, was I a crabass! I had also been crabby earlier with my girlfriend because of a small mistake she made. She didn't deserve my crabiness. I could have handled it better, and I didn't.

Talking to another guy in the parking lot helped calm me down a little. He was late himself, and walking around looking for the location on a big college campus. I stopped a police car to ask directions for both of us. As the other lost guy continued on his way in a hurry, he pointed out an empty parking spot. He didn't know me, but appreciated that I flagged down a cop so we could both get where we were going.

Acts of kindness by strangers. Sometimes it's the littlest thing that can help to re-align your day back on the right path. Try to remember that when you meet strangers out there. These petty differences and disappointments are petty, we should not let them ruin our day.

This also happens with fishermen because of our big egos. So many times I meet a different group of fishermen, and they say: "I don't like or fish with ____ because he said this, or he disrespected my friend, etc." I'll fish with anyone who loves to fish, as long as they're not a danger to other people. Their politics or beliefs don't matter to me, What matters is if they love to fish.

My ego gets in the way sometimes with other people, the same way other people let their egos get in the way of just going out there and having a good time in God's playground, the oceans, lakes and rivers where we love to be. Having a conversation with another friend at the show, I realized that this petty stuff is sad, and our egos let us waste a lot of time being petty. Let's fish!!!