Senior Member
A good one. I call them outside influences, or a loss of focus. Yes they can be distracting. Most I encounter, not with myself but with others, are the illnesses, or infirmities. I look at these as just being there, but I don't claim them as my own. Meaning, that with an ailment, it is just here, but not part of me, and it will pass. I can't let that ailment, illness or infirmity change my thinking or focus on my recovery.
EACH ONE, TEACH ONE !
<*((())))>< <*((())))><
Senior Member
Always think twice before you get crabbyOriginally Posted by DarkSkies
February22, 2009
Walk In Dry Places
Man, was I a crabass! I had also been crabby earlier with my girlfriend because of a small mistake she made. She didn't deserve my crabiness. I could have handled it better, and I didn't.
with the girls, they are the ones who pack our lunches when going out to the surf. I hope you gave her a big
and told her you were sorry.
Administrator
Always think twice before you get crabby
Yup I did Charlie, and you're right, where would we be without them? Knowing when to say sorry smooths out a lot of rough spots in life.
February 24, 2009
Adventure
If you're new, get in the car and come along for the ride.
If you want to stare at the floor it's okay.
Those first days and weeks are painful. It hurts. It's frightening.
It's lonely at times but you don't have to go through it twice.
And slowly but surely you'll be looking out the window too
and seeing the changes around you and in you,
and you'll be part of the most incredible adventure of your lifetime.
You'll come to believe that the destination we are traveling to isn't important,
that the joy is in the journey. You won't have to go through it alone.
Thought to Ponder....
The joy is in the journey, so enjoy the ride.
Becoming sober has been an adventure for me. Some times were rocky, but I wouldn't have it any other way. The ability to experience life and remember what happened yesterday. I remember seeing the greatest bands of my generation when I was growing up. I was lucky. Unfortunately, the actual memories are hazy because I was so drunk or high at each concert I went to. I got kicked out of more than a few, and almost arrested, because of my behavior. Now I can remember this stuff on my own, except when my CRS syndrome kicks in.I don't have to have someone else relate to me how I behaved the night before.
Administrator
February 25, 2009
H.A.L.T.
"Don't become too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired."
My use of "H-A-L-T" is possible only because of the awarenesses I receive
through the use of the Twelve Steps.
They remain the hub on my wheel of sobriety.
I am trying very hard to use them better and better. . .
Although my main goal is staying sober and alive today,
I do recognize that my happiness with God, myself, and life
has been the result of a consistent application of the Steps.
To them, I can never call a halt.
Reprinted from Box 1980: The AA Grapevine, January 1982, Vol. 38 No. 9. Reprinted with permission of The A.A. Grapevine, Inc.
Thought to Ponder....
Life is a steady drizzle of small things -- carry an umbrella.
The HALT thing is something that I think should extend beyond alcoholics and addicts, we shouldn't keep it to ourselves. For anyone out there who has a bad day or feels dragged down by things beyond your control, sometimes your problem can be minimized. If we look at the things halt stands for, and address them, suddenly the path in front of us is clear, like after a storm.
Senior Member
that's how it worked for me. Praise God.
Going on vacation tomorrow. See ya in a week!
jon
Administrator
Jon, I hope you enjoy the vacation with your family, more precious than anything else. Here's hoping for good weather for you all.
February 28, 2009
Resentments
We need to take resentments very seriously.
More than anything else,
they can lead to relapse
and all forms of spiritual illness.
To live a happy, productive and sober life,
we must free ourselves of our resentments.
(Anonymous)
(Big Book, pp. 64-66)
Thought to Ponder....
When one door closes, another door opens
and God will never give me more in a 24 period than I can handle for that day.
This is a great topic because it's something I come across every day. The other night I got involved in a dispute a very drunk neighbor caused. There was no way out because it spilled onto my property. I'm surprised the police weren't called. In the course of sorting things out, after things had calmed down, the drunk guy started talking some crap to me. This pushed my buttons because I've been a good neighbor, and the guy threw one insult after another.
I tried to deal with it rationally, when I had an impulse to pick up the guy and throw him. Realizing you can't argue with a drunk, I did some other work, and talked to him later. I've known him for too many years, no sence in ruining a relationship. He ain't gonna change, and I have no control over that. Se we talked it out, and he fell over himself apoligizing about the insults. I'm glad I don't drink anymore.
Then, I got a call from someone who is a user of people, asking for more advice, wanting me to be the psychiatrist to listen to his problems. I resent that because it's not a two way street. I've asked this guy for help at least a dozen times, and he can't be bothered.I've known this guy for a long time, and he seemed like he was at the end of his rope.
So I gave him an ear for a few minutes, instead of doing some of the work I planned to do. After the conversation was over, I realized I have too many dysfunctional people in my life, but that's how it is for now. I resolve to devote less time to helping them, they're the only ones that can help themselves.
Resentments are powerful triggers that can bring on a relapse, people.
And the most mature among us realize that we can sometimes resolve resentments.
I had another friend I tried to help dozens of times and probably talked him out of killing himself at least once. In his sobriety he's like a dry drunk, and was disrupting the meetiing the other week with side conversations. When he turned to me, I ignored him, said - "dude it's a speaker meeting, let's pay attention." He got mad, crabbed at me. Last week he called to apoligize, almost a month after it happened.We have no control over the behavior or resentments of others. The best we can do is try to work on the resentments in our own lives.
Same thing in the fishin world. I'm friends with a lot of different people. Some of them hate, or are resentful of, each other. I don't care about any of that, I just want to go fishin.
Some of this stuff I write may be boring, but I know there are others out there who have the same things going on on their lives, so I'll keep trying.
On the plus side, less than 24 hours till fishin opens in NJ! I can't wait.
Administrator
March 3, 2009
No Rules. . . Just Right
Aren’t you glad that AA has no big
rules or regulations to get and stay sober?
Thank your HP for that.
The earlier groups discovered that we in AA
could best help if we shared our collective
experience, strength and hope with the newcomer
and allow that person to decide if they are one of us.
</B>Anonymous
Thought to Ponder....
Spirituality is a powerful problem solver.
It's pretty simple if you decide that alcohol or drugs are causing problems in your life, and you want to dind a better path. Don't drink, and go to meetings. As I said yesterday, sooner or later you will decide for yourself whether you also need growth in life. But that will come at your own pace. You make the decisions on your road to recovery.
Famous recovering people list:
10. Ozzy Osbourne -man Ozzy kicking drugs was an inspiration to a lot of people.. Too bad his kids had to go through the same process, though.
Administrator
March 5, 2009
Denial
It's often said, "Denial is a symptom
of the disease of alcoholism."
Of course, it's one thing to deny being an alcoholic
when one has never had a drink.
It's an entirely different story when one denies it
while wondering what he did during a blackout,
(or where his rent money went, how he got that black eye,
or who dented his car),
or why coffee makes him nervous in the morning,
even before he has his first cup.
This is where the alcoholic needs to be honest
and admit to what alcohol is doing to him.
Anonymous
(Big Book p.58)
Thought to Ponder....
Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
The above is a great topic. In society every day around me, I see cases where peopkle deny responsibility for their actions. It seems like it's part of our culture now. Started with politicians lying on the witness stand, even when they were caught red-handed. Now some people sem to think it's an acceptable way of our life.
I think we all tend to minimize the seriousness of something that bothers us sometimes, me included. Eventually it's time to get honest and face our behavior. It's a necessary part of recovery. Without doing it, we remain stuck in "stinkin thinkin".
Administrator
A Selfish Program
AA is often referred to as a selfish program,
but it has nothing to do with being selfish in the traditional sense.
In its original and most common usage it means
that when we help others we are, in reality, helping ourselves.
This is true of sponsorship and all manner of Twelve Step work,
from making coffee, setting up meeting halls and cleaning ashtrays
to chairing and leading meetings and all the other service positions.
- Anonymous
Thought to Ponder....
One of Dr. Bob's favorite quotes was, "Faith without works is dead."
This is good to think of because it allows us to focus our energies on something other than drinking or getting high. Helping others also allows us to identify with people and see that we have the same universal types of problems. This isn't always possible when we're drinking ourselves to a stupor, and isolating away from most people.
One thing that I noticed looking at this today is we have over 1000 views for this little insignificant thread, so maybe it's not so insignificant after all. It might be embarassing to put details of your life on the web if you're a recovering alcoholic or addict. What will people think of me if they know that? I'm long past that stage, people who are in my life know all the struggles I've gone through. I don't mind breaking anonymity if there's a chance it may help someone. So I try to put up a post here every day, glad it seems some people have an interest. If anyone is a little apprehensive about the anonymity thing, you can always contact me privately through e-mail if ya need further advice, or maybe are looking to figure which meeting to check out. All contact is as anonymous and confidential as you want it to be.
I keep what I have by giving it away.
Senior Member
Helping others is the antidote to the extreme self centered nature of most addicts and alcoholics. Of course, when we are active, we really don't trust our ability to connect with others. Stepping away from our chemical binkies is tough. I know I was deathly afraid of a life without alcohol. I wasn't thinking it was for me when, after trying to quit on my own (Waking up sick, trying to shower off the booze smell, having a small nip to kill the shakes, lying to cover the extent of my drinking and drugging) I started going to meetings. It was hard to ask for help but it got easier almost immediately.
For those who don't know dark, he is a truly good guy, one of the best I know. Ask for help and you will get it. Just be warned, there is no such thing as a short conversation.
Dark, It's been too long. I'll buy you breakfast. And don't try reaching for the check brother, you gotta accept good things from others. Walk the walk!
Administrator
It was hard to ask for help but it got easier almost immediately.
For those who don't know dark, he is a truly good guy, one of the best I know. Ask for help and you will get it. Just be warned, there is no such thing as a short conversation.
Dark, It's been too long. I'll buy you breakfast. And don't try reaching for the check brother, you gotta accept good things from others. Walk the walk!
Aw shucks Mick my brother, yer embarassin me now!I'm just a guy who knows how to talk, (sometimes I'll listen, even at 3am)
, and has a lot of experience with dysfunctional people, so nothin phases me.
It's still hard for me to ask for help, Mick, but you're right, if you ask, and you're sincere about wanting help, you will get it. If you're askin and it doesn't happen, pray on it and ask somewhere else. Good to hear from ya, man!
On a side note, anyone that's into prayin, please pray for JimmyZ. I can't say why, ask him if ya want, and he'll tell ya. But I can ask for some to pray for him. He's one of the most spiritual and generous guys I know, and someone whose sprituality inspires me to be a better person. And he needs some extra prayers now, please put him in your prayers.
Administrator
March 11, 2009
Freedom
The Big Book promises that I am going to know a new freedom
and a new happiness,
that I will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it,
and that I will comprehend the word serenity and will know peace.
- Anonymous
Thought to Ponder....
The peaks and valleys of my life have become gentle rolling hills.
I agree with the above for the most part, but wanted to add my perspective in there. I'm a person who would have peaks and valleys in his life anyway without all the addictions mixed in. There has been a change in my life that no matter how bad things get, they can be faced and you can overcome obstacles.
I don't want people to get the impression that it's easy. Somtimes it's damn hard, and moving forward seems frikkin impossible.It's easy to get frustrated, but that's where the tools of sobriety come in. It ain't no big deal to have a great sobriety when all is well, and you're coasting.
The true test is how you weather the storms that will come your way.
How do we weather storms without drinking, you may ask?
And above all, take your medicine by doing the step work, and improve your conscious contact with your higher power, whether it's God, or the people around you. I know it sucks to have to work on yourself and your character defects. I don't always do what I'm supposed tyo do either, I have many of my own flaws and faults that I'm still workin on.
But just for today, I have the tools I need to get out of the depths of despair. I have the choice to sit in my own crap and feel bad, or to make my life better. I'm grateful I have these tools, otherwise I feel I would repeat the same old patterns of the past.
Senior Member
Have friends pray for me.
ps the good news is, just got back from vacation:
(this is one of the beaches where we went swimming and snorkeling
bad news is, 4 people laid off while I was gone, and the boss told me that I'm next.
Senior Member
Jon, I'm second to go on our list. Not a good place to be but as we know....first things first. I've taken the basic precautions, keeping my eye open for other opportunities and paying off debt like mad. I survived drinking and lost a lot in my career prior to getting sober. Unemployment would be a trial but it's a trial I'm going to face without a drink.
Do what you can each day, prepare for the worst but expect the best. You know the drill!
Administrator
Jon, I'm sorry to hear that, man. I don't see this economy getting better for at least a year, I hope the axe doesn't fall on you. Right now, I'm living on a tight budget, and spending less dough than a Scottish preacher.
Senior Member
It is difficult for everyone to be tolerant of selfish people. However, I think we are all selfish in some way.I had a hard time thinking about the above reading today, it's something I still have trouble with. I have little tolerance for idiots or selfish people. I know I can do better, because I have been the idiot sometimes, and would hope people would be tolerant of me.
I lack kindness to my family when I am stressed out and short tempered with them. I am only thinking of my immediate needs, which makes me selfish.
I think people who are always running late are selfish. They lack the ability to see that they are effecting other people which makes them selfish. In my opinion anyone who puts their needs above others could be selfish, whether it be fun time or work.
Dark, we all need to work on being less selfish and tolerant of others. All we can do is try our best and set good examples for others.
Administrator
Well said, Katie.
March 13, 2009
Hope
Hope is the true gift of the program.
I have hope that things will get better in my life as long as I stay sober.
I have hope that I can get through any difficulty sober,
with the hope that you people give to me.
- Anonymous
Thought to Ponder....
Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
In my darkest hours, when I'm ready to give up or want to close my eyes and not open them again, I think of the gifts the program has given me, the people who I can call anytime, and the new chances I have been given to live life again. This gives me hope, and I know I must go on for another day, and toimorrow will be better.
These pics are for JimmyZ and some others here. Something I snapped on a truck on the way down to Maryland. Lets you know that BillW and God show up in all the unexpected places.
Here's something JimmyZ sent me. Normally I like the idea where each person decides what is good for them in terms of religion, but I have seen people go through some tough times lately. Religion and a belief in God can help smooth out the rough spots:
'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
Senior Member
i'm more concerned with telling the old stories as if they were just funny stories and not stuff to be ashamed of.
Administrator
Well I guess you and I have lots of funny stories then, Jon.
March 20, 2009
An Open Gate
The Fellowship of AA has said that no matter what was out there,
they would stand by me and help me through.
More importantly, a Higher Power of my own understanding
would be there with me,
and they could show me the way to tap into that power.
They were holding that gate open,
but I was going to have to take the action and step across.
- Anonymous
Thought to Ponder....
The power within me is far greater than any fear before me.
When I first started going to meetings, I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that people were willing to help, and asked nothing in return. What was the catch, why would they want to help a stranger? There is no catch, it's genuine. I think we all come to realize this in our own time. I'm grateful fot tthe AA/NA fellowships and the people who have reached out to me.
Senior Member
re: funny stories
i guess what i meant was, i don't want them to sound like just funny stories,
sometimes i catch myself telling them, like bragging, or that it was ok, or something. do you know what i mean? i don't want people, or especially my older kids, to think that they are 'good old days' stories.
most of them are funny, yes, but have a touch of the pathetic about them.
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