One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

re: funny stories

i guess what i meant was, i don't want them to sound like just funny stories,

sometimes i catch myself telling them, like bragging, or that it was ok, or something. do you know what i mean? i don't want people, or especially my older kids, to think that they are 'good old days' stories.

most of them are funny, yes, but have a touch of the pathetic about them.

I do the same thing man, especially when trying to talk to kids about the dangers of alcohol and addiction. When your talk reaches the levels that you're preaching, you lose the message because it turns people off. So humor is a great attention getter. I have tons of embarassing stories that involve me and alcohol or drugs. I don's mind people laughing at my expense if I can also subtly get my point across. You're right, we have to be careful that the war stories don't reach the level of bragging. I think it naturally just happens sometimes.

March 21, 2009

Procrastination

I wanted to rest on my laurels after my first attempt at making amends.
I was relieved, and thought my task was finished.
I was tempted to skip the more humiliating meetings that still remained,
and to find plausible excuses for dodging certain issues.
I wanted to procrastinate, telling myself the time is not yet,
but I was really passing up many good chances to right serious wrongs.
In AA, I've learned not to talk prudence while practicing evasion.

Thought to Ponder....

Procrastination is really sloth in five syllables.






I can identify with this real well. I'm one of the best procrastinators I know, I'm very good at it. When I tell people this they act surprised. They say: That's not possible, you're always running around, you never sit still, so much energy, getting things done, how could YOU be a procrastinator??

The answer is I do what I HAVE to get done, I've always been very responsible and self-reliant. I push like a maniac to make deadlines, even when they're self-imposed.

When it somes to doing what I NEED to do for my sobriety, I'm a slacker. I'm a procrastinator.

I work the steps as I know them, I've been doing this s long time, so it's pretty easy to remember. However, I backslide a lot by not working on my personal growth and spirituality. I convince myself that I'm too busy doing work, or I can't make that meeting tonight because I'm shot. And I am shot sometimes, sometimes I'm so tired that I literally to go to bed on the floor at 8pm, or pull my truck over in a parking lot somewhere to sleep for a few hours.

I know that this thread helps others, but it also keeps me in contact with the principles & traditions, and I feel it helps me have a better sober outlook. For a long time I stopped going to meetings because I have quite a few years clean, and convinced myself that I could skip them.

So I started trying to make a committment to go Friday nights, I figured I could at least make it once a week. I was doing ok on that for awhile, but I let work and other responsibilities get in the way, I've been slacking off there too.

I've been around this program long enough to know better. A lot of people say to me: Rich you have so many years, good for you, seems like you're finally cured and have that monkey off your back.

The second I start buying into that, I'm dead, or will be soon. I have seen too many people long-time program members go back out and end up dead, or almost. I don't want that complacent attitude to get me as well, so I know I have to try harder. When I cut corners, I also shortchange my family and loved ones because my attitude isn't so great.

If I can try my best in work and other things, there's no excuse for me not to try harder to keep what I have been given. Sobriety is a gift, not necessarily a "right" if you are an an alcoholic, because it's about the choices we make.

Man that was long-winded! Don't know if I helped anyone else by writing that, but just for today, I helped me.

[jonthepain]

...you have so many years, good for you, seems like you're finally cured...

yeah whenever I think that, it means that something is going to happen (or not happen) that will cause me to want to go pound a 12 pack.

Sometimes when that happens a verse from Proverbs will come to me:

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool returns to his folly.

Proverbs 26:11

Hows that for a word picture?

not preaching, just saying how it works for me.

[DarkSkies]

Originally Posted by Solomon
As a dog returneth to his vomit, [so] a fool returneth to his folly.

Proverbs 26:11

Yeah, Jon, that explains it pretty graphically, for those uf us that have a hard time getting it through our think heads. Good post.


March 23, 2009

Trading

I traded dependence on puny self for dependence on God.
I traded resentment for understanding, fear for trust, selfishness for love.
I traded dissatisfaction for hope, dishonesty for truth.
I traded retaliation for amendment, taking for giving.
I traded sectarian bigotry for tolerance.
Sobriety has become for me an all-inclusive term.
It means everything from not taking the first drink
to enjoying the present twenty-four hours.

Thought to Ponder....When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.




If you think about it, all the behaviors highlighted above are ones that take up too much of our time, whether we are alcoholics or not, They're obstaclles on the road to personal growth. Life is smoother when you try to go around them or replace them with more positive ones.

[DarkSkies]

March 27, 2009

Belonging

They say that alcoholism is a disease of isolation,
and for me, that was very true.
I was filled with fear of the outside world.
When I joined AA, I was relieved to find a supportive family
and a life I rejoice in -- one day at a time.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives.





This is a good point for me to look at. In my addiction I isolated myself, I would sometimes have people around, but I was most happy when I was by myself in my own little world getting high.

Some of those parallels can be drawn also toward fishin. Most of the guys I know who fish at night, fish alone. You might bump into a friend or two here or there, but it's not a social thing for me. For most people who meet me in person or are unlucky enough to talk to me on the phone, they know I talk a lot. Wehn fishin, it's different, it's like being in a library or a church. The talk only involved, "hey, fish on", or "hey, let's hit another spot".

When I go out into bad or nasty weather, I go out to catch fish and try to beat my personal best. I fish alone most of the time. I was talkin to a friend the other day. He has a new fishin buddy, the guy tags along everywhere, and plans the fishin excursions like it's a date. That seems weird to me, I told him he's gotta stand up and speak up sooner or later.

That gets us back to the isolation part. Do I isolate myself when fishin because I like the solitude, or is that where I'm comfortable as part of my addiction, which has now translated to fishin? Hey, you can't get locked up for fishin too much, can you?

I know for me, I have to be careful not to isolate myself too much or it's like I was in the old days. I have another friend who always surrounded himself with people because he was uncomfortable being alone. That's the other extreme. So this year I made a committment I will fish with more people, try to be more sociable, to a point. We'll see how it works out.

[katiefishes]

Sometimes I think Isolation is the root of many evils.

I was spending some down time searching the web and I came across this letter. Hopefully it can help someone see themselves and inspire them to seek the help they need.

Dear Alcohol,


First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone Calls and text messages: While I agree with you that
communication is important, I question the suggestion that any
conversation after 2 a.m. can have much substance or necessity. Why would you make me call my ex's? Especially when I know, for a fact, they DO NOT want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night .

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal. But, why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips [ washed down with wine & topped off with a Kit Kat AFTER a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries ]? I'm an eclectic eater but, I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer this issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop! This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order. But, the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unaccep table My entire day is shot. I ask that if the proper precautions are taken [ water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin ] prior to going to sleep/passing out [ face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn or wherever . The hangover should be minimal and in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now and would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion then I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above and address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Friday 3 p.m. [ pre happy hour ] on your possible solutions. And hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your Biggest Fan

P.S. Please take a moment or two and note the following items below that I think may be of some interest to you.

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-Aggressive Disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

[DarkSkies]

Katie, you hit that right on the money, some of those things bring me back, keep my memory green. Unfortunately, I'm still clumsy sometimes, not as bad as when I was drinkin though. Good post.




March 28, 2009

Discipline

Instead of holding on, I was told to let go.
Instead of using self-control, I was encouraged to turn my life and my will
over to a God of my own understanding.
I'm beginning to understand.
The renewal of discipline is a process that I must set in motion every day.
AA is teaching me to wade through grief, and to take steps of joy
through this powerful gift.
- Anonymous

Thought to Ponder....

The more I let go, the more powerful I feel.



This is tough for me because I'm type A all the way. When I first came into the program, I heard "Let go and let God". What kind of mind games is that? Let God? Is he gonna come down on a tractor beam of light and make your life better? ***?

Then I gradually began to see, with the examples of others, that it wasn't that bad. It was more about letting go what you have no control over, and focusing your energies on the rest. I figured, "Hey I can at least try that", and here I am today.

[mick2360]

A couple of things struck me in the last couple of entries. Katie's observation about isolation was spot on for me. Like a lot of alcoholics, I had many surface relationships but few friends, except where alcohol was involved; there I was able to anesthetize myself and become a relaxed enough to be around people.
What started out as a way to relax and have fun soon turned into an addiction for me, although I believe I was hooked the first time I got drunk; I felt relaxed for the first time in my life. I chased that for twenty plus years.

Secondly, the idea of a fresh start everyday has been critical to my ability to recover. Decades of drinking had allowed me to leave a trail of wrecked relationships, carelessly handled opportunities and disappointments in my wake. There ares till times when I grieve some careless action and cringe when I think of the impact that i had on others but I was taught to keep my thoughts focused on today and to do the best that I can with it.

Hey alcohol,

[DarkSkies]

A couple of things struck me in the last couple of entries. Katie's observation about isolation was spot on for me. Like a lot of alcoholics, I had many surface relationships but few friends, except where alcohol was involved; there I was able to anesthetize myself and become a relaxed enough to be around people.
What started out as a way to relax and have fun soon turned into an addiction for me, although I believe I was hooked the first time I got drunk; I felt relaxed for the first time in my life. I chased that for twenty plus years.

Secondly, the idea of a fresh start everyday has been critical to my ability to recover. Decades of drinking had allowed me to leave a trail of wrecked relationships, carelessly handled opportunities and disappointments in my wake. There ares till times when I grieve some careless action and cringe when I think of the impact that i had on others but I was taught to keep my thoughts focused on today and to do the best that I can with it.

Hey alcohol,

Mick, no matter how bad things are, or get, as long as we didn't kill anyone, I thnk everyone deserves a fresh start. I think last week was national friendship week, JimmyZ sent me something about it. He's a guy who can maintain friendships with everyone. Fresh starts and friendships, where would we be without them?

[mick2360]

Woke up when I was ready. No headache, no shakes, no sickness. After fifteen years, it is still a miracle to me that I can hold a coffee cup without my hand shaking, spilling the damn stuff all over. I need to remember how bad things got for me so that I can be prepared when the thought of the 'good times' rolls into my head. There were many, many times when I 'intended' only a drink or two and ended up closing the bar. There is no such thing as one drink for me. There is no such thing as a social drink. My addiction tells me it is possible, that i have learned with the passing of the years. But experience tells me that if I want mornings like this, alcohol cannot be a part of my life period.

Holding my coffee with one hand. I don't spill a drop. A small thing for some, for me, I have climbed Everest.

Thanks for listening.

[jonthepain]

There were many, many times when I 'intended' only a drink or two and ended up closing the bar.

Wow I had forgotten about that. I'd stop in just before lunch (sometimes just before work) for a "quick one" and before I knew it, it was 2am, time to go home. Blowing off all my responsibilities yet another day.

Thanks for reminding me. I've truly got a lot to be thankful for.

[DarkSkies]

April 3, 2009

Forgiving

If we are sorry for what we have done,
and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things,
we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson.
If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others,
we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing.
These are facts out of our experience.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 70.

Thought to Ponder....

The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.





"Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
Theres still time to change the road youre on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it wont go
In case you dont know,
The pipers calling you to join him,"



Any Led Zep fans here? I read the above and thought of those lines. We always have at least 2 paths we can take in life. It's up to us to decide. Some food for thought.. if we want to be forgiven we need to learn how to forgive others as well.

[jonthepain]

the wife and I started volunteering at the local girl's prison last night. we are leading a bible study.

so of course we told them a little bit about ourselves - my wife was locked up for a time when she was their age (they are mostly 15 and 16 in the pod where we were at.) so i told them that i am a recovering alcoholic, and will have 5 yrs sober this coming June 1. and they all applauded - which i was not prepared for. is that something you all do in groups or meetings or something? anyway i was kind of embarassed.

so a lot of the girls are recovering addicts (yeah me too but i didn't share that right off the bat) but the one girl cracked us up cuz she said,

"I'm a recovering criminal."

[DarkSkies]

"Recovering criminal", I love it! Yeah I guess you could put me in that category too. We all did some pretty bad stuff back in the day. The worst of if is usually the stuff you do to yourself.

And Jon, the clapping thing is a little addictive as well. Hit an anniversary meeting sometime where they're celebrating anniversaries. So much clapping your ears hurt.

It's good to have people recognize the positive things we do in our sobriety.


April 7, 2009

Transformation

Our eyes begin to open to the immense values
which have come straight out of painful ego-puncturing.
Until now, our lives have been largely devoted to running
from pain and problems.
Escape via the bottle was always our solution.
Then in AA, we looked and listened.
Everywhere we saw failure and misery transformed by humility
into priceless assets.
-As Bill Sees It, p. 156

Thought to Ponder....

Learn to listen; listen to learn.




That's why God gave ya 2 ears and one mouth. Listening is a way to learn and grow.

[jonthepain]

That's why God gave ya 2 ears and one mouth.

ha that's great. i'm gonna hafta remember that.

[jonthepain]

the spanking was in reference to bill w's comment on punishment. re: dental students - as if

today's reading and bill's reference to a person with a magic wand reminded me of one of the gals in our prison group - she said that she really admires her counselor cuz she tells her stuff that she doesn't necessarily want to hear, and that it makes her mad for a few days, but eventually she really appreciates the truthfulness.

i have a friend who pisses me off occasionally cuz he tells me stuff that i need to hear. eventually i get over it.

it's rare to find someone that cares enough about you to tell you stuff that they know may jeopardize your relationship but that you need to hear.

i guess the trick is, on the other end of that, is if it's absolutely needed or not. i am still working on being circumspect in what i say to people.

[DarkSkies]

i have a friend who pisses me off occasionally cuz he tells me stuff that i need to hear. eventually i get over it.

it's rare to find someone that cares enough about you to tell you stuff that they know may jeopardize your relationship but that you need to hear.

i guess the trick is, on the other end of that, is if it's absolutely needed or not. i am still working on being circumspect in what i say to people.

Jon, I have friends like that too, we're honest with each other sometimes the truth hurts.

What I've learned as I get older is there is a way to deliver the truth without brutal honesty. People tend to get turned off to the message if they feel it's coming across as criticism. In the end, though, I would rather hear someone's truthful opinion than excuses, maybe that's just me.

[DarkSkies]

I'm putting this here because I don't know where else to put it:

This week I went to a funeral of a guy I got to know, a decorated soldier who fought in the war. He had diabetes issues his whole life, and supposedly had it under control. However, in the end, the complications from diabetes and congestive heart failure did him in. I'm titling this post "Face of Death" because sometimes you can't see death. If you were to visit this guy, you would just think he was old, and that he was struggling.

Maybe you would go home, and say: "He's not that bad, I'll get back to visit him in a month or 2, when I have the time.

And then the family, wife, parents, job, kids, or whatever pressures we're facing take over. We're too busy, the kids have soccer practice, we gotta go fishin and make that night bite, etc, etc.

And then we get the news that the person has died. We didn't get to visit them that one last time, because we didn't know. Of course, if we knew their death was imminent, we would have made visiting them a priority, wouldn't we??

There's another guy I know, we'll call him Jim. I already knew a lotta plumbing things when I met him, but I'm never too prideful to take lessons from someone. Jim knew all the plumbing tricks to make a job go quicker and more efficiently. The truth was he didn't like to work, he would rather party, smoke, and fish. He's a good fisherman, and we would spend hours talking about what was being caught out there in the fishing world.

Unfortunately, Jim was a selfish guy, only thought of himself, had 2 failed marriages and always dodged his child support obligations. Any money he made, he spent on fishin and indulging himself. Weed, beer, all the sugar snacks a diabetic on dialysis could handle, stuff like that.

It's kinda hard to feel sorry for a guy like Jim, and as a result he has no one to visit him in the hospital as he now is slowly dying from diabetes before his 50th birthday, other than his Mom and one or 2 others. He lived a life of selfishness, and now sits in selfish loneliness.

How this ties into my theme? I went to see him the other day. I will be seing him more because I know he's dying, and I do feel sorry for him. Maybe he doesn't deserve it, but I have a hard time with seeing people die alone, I feel the need to be around and provide some comfort.

When I saw him, I saw the face of Death.

It was clear as day to me that he will be dead soon. He's in agony from the diabetes and the amputations. They want to chop one of his legs off, but why bother if he's dying anyway?

You look at him and see Death, or at least I did. I have been around so many dying people in the last 10 years, I think you get a sense of when they won't make it.

You go in there with a smile on your face, and tell them "Hang in there buddy!!" . Meanwhile you know in your heart the're slowly sinking, but you can't let that reality out. You have to put on your game face and help them make the best of their withering days.

My point here is that with Jim, I can see very clearly (at least to me) that he's dying. I know it's only a matter of time, so I will spend more time there, until he's gone. Responsibilities, other obligations are piling up for me, but he's dying, it won't be much longer.

With others in our lives, wife, mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, grandparent, friend, or acquaintance, we may not know if theyre sick, or when they go for a routine checkup, that they will then be putting on Death's face.

Some of you may say: Yeah, Rich, we're all dying, one day at a time!

We can't always see the face of Death, and my point is that it's good to visit the people we have put aside, or neglected to visit in our lives, before it's too late, and we say: "Yeah, if only I had known, I would have spent more time with them"

We can't know all this stuff, only God knows. So if theres someone out there in your life that you haven't seen for awhile, don't take it for granted they'll be alive in 6 months when you decide you have the time, Visit them, you'll really make a difference, and later you'll be happy you did.

Or pick up the phone, and call them, tell them you were thinking about them. The good you will do from this will be immeasurable.

Thanks for listening.

[mick2360]

Good post Rich. Losing friends and family is a part of life, a difficult one but a process that makes us examine our own life, decide what's important and, if we have the strength and character, try to do better in our day to day actions.

A couple of years ago I got very sick. My appendix blew up and ruptured without me feeling a lot of pain. If I hadn't listened to others, I would have stayed home, pulled up the covers and died of the infection. As it was, I nearly expired. As I started to get better, I talked to a guy in the next bed who ended up not making it. He was very conscious of where he was in the process. He told me, "I had a wonderful marriage and I miss my wife who died before me. I raised a fine son and have loved my grandchildren. I had a good career and many fine friends. Now I am tired and I'm ready to step off." That man is one of my heroes today.

[DarkSkies]

^ Mick, it's good to know we have family and friends around to tell us when it's time to stand up and go to the doctor. I'm from the old school too, won't go to the doctor unlss I'm bleeding from one of my orifices.

Sometimes you wait till that point, and it's too late. Death is part of life, and facing it makes us realize how precious life really is.




April 11, 2009

Daily Reprieve

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action
and rest on our laurels.
We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
We are not cured of alcoholism.
What we really have is a daily reprieve
contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [Second Edition], Page 85.

Thought to Ponder....

Every day is a gift. That is why we call it the present.


Amen to that! A lot of people don't want to work on the spiritual side, it's too much of a hassle. It was for me too, until the hurt inside became so great I was willing to try anything to make it go away.

Anyone reading this, you don't have to work on the spiritual stuff if you don't want to. Let the pain build up inside you, like I did, before you decide. I had to learn the hard way also. Eventually you will seek a better path, all in your own time.

[mick2360]

Amen to that! A lot of people don't want to work on the spiritual side, it's too much of a hassle. It was for me too, until the hurt inside became so great I was willing to try anything to make it go away.

Anyone reading this, you don't have to work on the spiritual stuff if you don't want to. Let the pain build up inside you, like I did, before you decide. I had to learn the hard way also. Eventually you will seek a better path, all in your own time.

Dark,
There are some good reasons for this. from the time we are small kids, we are told to suck it up and handle situations. That prescription does not usually include asking for help. Or talking about how much we hurt, are confused or just plain lost. And herein is the lure of drugs and alcohol; they give us a little respite, a little (or a lot) of numb.

I'm not sure how many people read these posts. Seems like we have a small crowd of folks that contribute and that is fine. I continue to post in order to offer a little hope. When my life was out of control and addictions had taken over, I needed some hope. And for those of you who might read this, there is hope. If I can do anything, shoot me a PM. I would be honored to hear your story. Mick