One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

This was sent in by Roddy aka Rip-Plugger aka Heavy Hooksetter....
Some may know him only as a plug-builder, and fanatic fisherman....

We are all so much more than the 1 or 2 things people know us for,,,
I thought this was a great example of that...thanks Roddy, and I agree completely.....



Subject: Fwd: Perception
To:














THE SITUATION
In Washington, DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, a middle-aged man noticed that there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds, and then he hurried on to meet his schedule.

About 4 minutes later:

The violinist received his first dollar. A woman threw money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk.

After 6 minutes:

A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

After 10 minutes:
A 3-year old boy stopped, but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head the whole time. This action was repeated by several other children, but every parent - without exception - forced their children to move on quickly.






After 45 minutes:


The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.

After 1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed and no one applauded. There was no recognition at all.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.








This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.



This experiment raised several questions:
*In a common-place environment, at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty?
*If so, do we stop to appreciate it?
*Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?


One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

[jonthepain]

wow, those are awfully kind words, dark.

sniff sniff

thank you

[jimmy z]

Many miss out on the blessings, if you may, that the Father gives to us. Why do we miss them? Maybe it's sin, maybe it's because we are caught up in the chaos and confusion of this world. The world being as it is, will do this to many of us. We lose perception, our reality becomes distorted and the result, we miss the blessings. Too much time is wasted on the things of this world, the things we think will bring us joy and comfort. But the only way to have joy and comfort is to be grateful for what we have. Even if it just one minute to listen to sweet music on a subway line!

[Monty]

How many other things are we missing as we rush through life?

So true.
That is a great story.
We are cheating ourselves on what joys/fun/experiences life can bring.
Slow down and smell the roses.

[DarkSkies]

^^ Yup, Monty, well-said.


*********
Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see.
--Bill Wilson

At times, despair, sadness, and hopelessness fill us. None of us will get out of this world without experiencing tragedy. At these times, we turn to our Higher Power and the spiritual principles as guides. At these times, especially, we turn to the fellowship. We are here to help each other, comfort each other, and offer sanctuary to each other. We are to be each other’s gifts.

During our active addiction, when troubles came, we turned inward, pretending everything was okay. We acted as if we needed no one – mainly because we trusted no one. We were surrounded by darkness, inside and out. Recovery teaches us to trust in the “Light,” to believe it is there even when we can’t see it. It may be as close as our next meeting or a phone call to our sponsor. In this, we must believe deeply.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, I look to You when I can’t see. Show me the Light. I look to You for the guidance I cannot give myself. Show me the way and give me hope. Higher Power, thank You!

Today's Action

Today I will remember a time during my active addiction when I felt hopeless. I will reflect on what I learned from this and share my thoughts with a recovery friend.




*****
Some people I know are hurting right now..some of them right here on this site...or they have sadness in their families, or personal situations...me too. my life isn't the best either...

These are the times when we need to look for re-assurance or support from others....I'm not trying to preach here,. as a Higher Power doesn't always have to be God...it could be the support and advice of a few close friends,,,,or as simple as getting involved in a Community project.,....

but,,,know this...when you have things going on in your life that appear to be insurmountable...remember that nothing is insurmountable... unless you've just been diagnosed with an incurable disease....and there is a way out of the sadness or despair, if you are willing to reach out to the right people who can help,. or reach out to God..your choice...

[DarkSkies]

Despair is the absolute extreme of self-love. It is reached when a man deliberately turns his back on all help from anyone else in order to taste the rotten luxury of knowing himself to be lost.
--Thomas Merton

The surest way to unhappiness is to concentrate only on ourselves. Nothing will bring on despair quicker than thinking only of our own concerns. Extreme self-centeredness brings alienation from God, from our friends, and loved ones.

The surest remedy is to pray, not for our own comfort, but for God to bless someone else. If self-centeredness is contributing to our unhappiness, focusing some attention on others is the way out. We always get help for the blues by offering a hand to another or accepting a hand ourselves.

I can avoid despair by looking beyond myself.






****
This is a good one. I know a lot of folks who are going through feelings of despair right now. Some are sharing about it...some keep it locked inside....take it from one who knows. keeping it locked inside will eventually kill you....so listen to the words above, they are wise ones...

[DarkSkies]

No man is born into the world whose work is not born with him.
--James Russell Lowell

Our Wise Creator has provided each of us, at birth, with the necessary talents and gifts to make a worthwhile contribution to the world. What we make of those gifts and talents is entirely up to us. We can choose to ignore, and thereby destroy, our innate interests and abilities - or we can choose to pursue them, despite our doubts and fears, and enjoy life to the fullest.

If we wish to use our talents and gifts, we must become aware of those activities and interests we enjoy. Then we must make the effort to explore the opportunities and alternatives available to us. If we do not find a place for our interests and abilities in the world around us, we needn't be discouraged. We can create one. Dedication and perseverance have opened many seemingly closed doors.

TODAY - Am I doing the best with what I've been given? Am I using my capabilities well? If I am not, am I willing to take the necessary action to achieve inner satisfaction?


















*********
I thought the above was good for describing some of the folks I have been talking with lately.....a lot of us are hurting,..or have serious financial or health concerns....

Many of these things may not be resolved immediately...moreover, some may not be resolved to our satisfaction......but still, we must press on...looking for a solution....IMO everyone has to be comfortable with the choices they are making....but there are always a multitude of choices,,,,,our job is to seek out those choices and pursue them as our lives depended on it....because quite often it does....



The little thread that could...

When I first started this thread, I had no idea it would become so popular. I thought a few of us would come here, and talk openly about our problems...in thanks to all of the brave ones who have done that so far, I thank you kindly for sharing someof your deepest ooncerns and issues here....anyone who posts in this thread is to be commended for taking the risk.....

Just to be clear...
There have been many who posted here, who were not alcoholics,,,,but they merely came in to register support or comment on a statement that was made....and I am grateful for those who decided to jump in here with their opinions.....you are always welcome and appreciated....

And to re-state...posting in here is no indication whatsoever of you having a problem or going through any kind of a struggle,,,,,posting by some people here is an affirmation of support for the folks like me who were born this way and the support is greatly appreciated.....

But it does appear some folks are interested anonymously....a LOT of folks...as this thread has more views than any other thread here....the views speak volumes about the popularity of any thread,,,,,more so this one....

To those anonymous people who click on and check in on this thread frequently...if you are struggling with any issues, and think they may be alcoholism or drug related,,,feel free to contact me, at ANY time,,,,my response will be completely confidential, and if you ask for my confidentiality, you can be assured of it, for life.....I would be glad to help give you some possible options to things that are troubling you...whether I know you, or not......

Thanks for reading..folks!!!!!

[DarkSkies]

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.
--Burton Hillis

The start of a new month is a natural time to take a look at our lives. Are we happy most days? Do we know how to be happy?

We can choose to be happy, no matter what happened in our past or what is going on around us now. But being happy doesn't come naturally to a lot of us. We didn't like ourselves, or our lives, before.

But things are different now. Thanks to our recovery, we are clean and sober and learning to be happy. Being happy starts with the changes in us - being willing to work the steps, to go to any lengths, and deciding to be happy. Today we feel good about ourselves and our lives. We trust that our Higher Power is guiding us to a better life, day by day.

Today help me choose happiness by being grateful for life.









**********
Happiness is not financial security, or the flashiest car, or gear, or biggest house....it's a state of mind....
The society we live in today tries to convince us through advertising that happiness is gained from the products we buy or things we possess.....

The key to happiness for me is good health., good friends, healthy relationships, and trying to have a positive attude about things. I sometimes fail in the last category, and when that happens I know it, because other things tend to fall apart too. So try your best to have a positive outlook. Even if your life currently sucks, there has to be a silver lining somewhere...you just have to be willing to look for it....

[DarkSkies]

No man is more cheated than the selfish man.
--Henry Ward Beecher

When we're selfish, we close off the channels of exchange with others. Not only are we grabbing and holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we are denying others the possibility of sharing with us in the benefits. We may be selfish in material goods, but there are many other ways too. Some of us expect our spouses to meet our needs while we make little effort to meet theirs. Some of us discover our selfishness as we drive, refusing to yield a position to another car or getting furious if we lose a place in heavy traffic.

By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses nourish the spirit within us and create a good environment for our growth. Sometimes giving does not come easily We have a more generous spirit when we are in touch with our ultimate vulnerability. All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have a good life. We can truly hold on to nothing but ourselves. Giving what we can of our time, our energy, and our goods, helps create the kind of world we want to live in.

Today, I will look for ways to be generous with those with whom I share this world.







*******
I can spot selfish people a mile away. Have absolutely no use for em...maybe that's why this post speaks to me....you have to give to get in this world...learn that well and many doors will open for you....

[DarkSkies]

In life, the difficult periods are the best periods to gain experience and shore up determination. As a result, my mental status is much improved because of them.
--The Dalai Lama

Life is a process of meeting and solving problems. Solving problems is a way that we test and develop our spiritual muscle. Think of outstanding people such as Abraham Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, and Helen Keller. Lincoln faced the problem of a divided country; Gandhi, an oppressed India; Keller, her personal handicaps. In rising to meet their vision, courage, fortitude, and compassion, they became great - not in spite of, but because of their problems.

Problems often come to us in the form of crisis. The Chinese glyph for the word crisis contains two symbols; one means danger and the other opportunity. When an obstacle is before you, use it to create a beneficial result. As with Lincoln, Gandhi, and Keller, let your problems bring out your greatness.

Rather than pray for a life that is problem-free, ask for one that is solution-full. Instead of requesting that God remove the mountain before you, seek the strength to climb it. Remember that the best students always get the toughest problems. Love the problems you have, and their priceless gifts will be yours.

******
Lots of wisdom in the quote above.


********
Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work.
--Beyond Codependency

Problems and conflicts are parts of life and relationships - with friends, family, loved ones, and at work. Problem solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time.

Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems, and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.

Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again.

Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.

Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we don't waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.

We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible.

Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem solving efforts




********
I thought the above passage was significant because to me it shows that we can apply old-fashioned values and principles to relationships. I have spoken many times on here about relationships where people take and don't give, those are the ones you should be walking away from,,,

but there are others, as descrbed above, where things are not so clear-cut--- and these, IMO, are the ones where we need to try to analyze, salvage where possible, and continue to work on...all relationships require work, some more than others...remember that....thanks for reading....

[DarkSkies]

I know most guys didn't care about her...

I wasn't a fan of her music, or her acting, or any of that...
but I was a fan of her ability to drag herself by the bootstraps out of her humble beginnings, and make a superstar success out of it.....

My other interest lies in the fact that she was an alcoholic and addict, like me....I tend to have empathetic interests in people who have those characteristics, and, despite that.....
manage to rise above....
Whitney certainly did rise above...to astonishing heights....

The sad thing to me is that somehow along the journey she developed a drug and alcohol addiction........the addiction wasn't the shameful part to me,...it was her denial of the true nature of that addiction, right to the end.....

Although she was interviewed about it several years ago...IMO she wasn't honest, couldn't even be candid about the drugs she was doing......and in this regard she was still in denial......

The strides we make as addicts and alcoholics are exemplary sometimes., and we can be proud when we have managed to look at our addictions honestly and can, through time and hard work, rise above them...







Even heroin is no longer a badge of shame...look at Robert Downey, hospitalized and jailed several times for his heroin addiction, and currently one of the best action and drama movie stars out there, now that he has admitted his addictions and committed himself to recovery....

He was beaten up enough to admit his failures and willing to work on rebuilding his life.

I know that this may seem harsh to some, but IMO Whitney Houston, and Charlie Sheen, were and are in denial....the money they made helped to insulate them from the consequences...but those behaviors,, and denial, eventually killed Whitney, and may eventually kill Charlie...if he doesn't get honest and get help as well....

I am sorry that she is dead,..

In my life I have known people with as much talent and promise as her, that are now dead as well. The people I'm referring to were never famous, so many won't have an interest in their stories....I think fame is part of the thing that draws us in to feel for these people...but in the end, it's fame that can hide their problems, and contribute to their deaths, as well.


RIP, Whitney, and may God Bless and Watch over your Family......

[DarkSkies]

Every day is a different day. You never know what it will bring. That's the exciting thing about getting up every morning.
--Alpha English

No doubt we have all hit spells when we didn't feel the urge to get the day going. Pulling the covers up around us seemed far more inviting. There's nothing wrong with occasionally resisting the next twenty-four hours. We do need variety in our lives. Even a healthy, fun routine is still a routine. Shaking it up is good for us. But if we make a habit of avoiding whatever plans we've made, we need to take an inventory of our feelings. Depression isn't foreign to most of us. Chronic depression needs to be addressed, however.

If we begin to feel blue about our lives, let's make sure we are expressing our feelings to a friend. Generally, there is a simple solution. Maybe we have forgotten to pray and meditate regularly. Perhaps we have become self-absorbed. Being appreciative of others generally changes how we see every aspect of our lives. Recounting with a confidant or in a journal all the blessings and achievements we've accumulated over these many decades often pushes us out of the doldrums.

Let's remember that most days surprised us with their outcomes. We never got exactly what we expected. This is one certainty about life that we can always count on.




Today is bound to surprise me in how it unfolds. I'll appreciate what comes my way.







*****
Some good advice above....

[DarkSkies]

Today I will be grateful for where I am now.

My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now - I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I'm grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I've made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I'm treated with respect and dignity.

I will use this day as a gift, one that I've given myself because I deserve it. I will use this day to be glad for all I've accomplished.









************
Sanskrit Proverb....
I first read this when I was in rehab....how fortunate I was to have the insurance to be able to go to rehab back then....

“Look well to this day, for it is life, the very life of life.



In it lies all the realities and verities of existence: the bliss of growth, the glory of action, splendor of beauty.



For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow only a vision.



But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.



Look well, therefore, to this day, for it and it alone is life! Such is the salutation of the dawn.”

[storminsteve]

Dark, re whitney houston, do you agree with them flying the NJ flags at half-mast for her?

[DarkSkies]

The Fox and the Stork

One evening the fox invited his friend the stork to dinner. For a joke the fox prepared soup and served it in a shallow dish. The fox could easily lap up the soup. But the stork, with its long bill, went hungry. The fox gave the stork a sly grin and said, "I am so sorry. It seems as if the soup is not to your liking."

"There is no need to apologize," the stork replied. "I would like to repay your hospitality and invite you to dinner tomorrow night."

The next evening, the stork served the fox a meal in a long-necked jar with a narrow mouth. The stork could easily reach into the jar and eat, but the fox could not and went hungry. "I will not apologize for the dinner," the stork said. "because one bad turn deserves another." After that, the fox and the stork were no longer friends.

The Moral of the story: Revenge may be sweet, but the damage it does cannot be repaired.

No matter how wronged you may feel by the words or actions of another, remember that revenge, retaliation, and harboring resentment serve no useful purpose.

I will let go of past resentments and consider no one to be my enemy.





**********
Good advice above. I have only to look at my own dysfunctional family to know that resentments aren't healthy. Not only that, but they take time and effort from your everyday life. I have had to learn to let the insanity of my family members go, and distance myself from it.

It works for me, and helps me to focus on my daily and strategic goals.
Try this, the concept of letting go. It may seem strange at first, but eventually you realize it puts you on a better path....



**********
Stormin Steve, Re your comment about the NJ flags at half-mast for Whitney....
My feelings on this are that we have War Heroes and Veterans who served their country and died doing so....many times these Brave Soldiers come back to their families in a box...there is some good preparation at the Airport - I once knew a Soldier who was in charge of taking care of the bodies before they were presented to the families. All that is done with dignity and honor.

However, I feel if we are to honor someone with a flag at half-mast, it should be for those Soldiers who have fought for our country, and died doing it..that, is what we should be honoring.

Again, as I recently mentioned above, I feel bad for Whitney and her family, my deepest condolences. However, that flag at half-mast is a symbolic honor. I feel it should be reserved for those who gave their lives for our country....

[DarkSkies]

Trouble is a part of life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
--Dinah Shore

Just as gravity keeps us grounded and connected to the earth, our fellowship keeps us bound to sobriety. The fellowship available to us in our Twelve Step program keeps us in reality. A problem pondered in isolation seems immense; the same problem shared by those who truly understand is manageable. We need other people from the moment we are born. We need to be included, to feel we're a part of something larger than ourselves. Our spirits hunger for contact from others, and thirst for a relationship with God.

Our fellowship is there, a warm, friendly, and accepting family. Our Higher Power loves us. We are not alone, no matter where we travel, no matter how large our problems seem at the moment. Our joys are doubled and our sadness diminished through the sharing of our hearts.

Today help me listen carefully and give as well as take so I may fully experience this gift of fellowship.









*****
The old school traditions I grew up under taught you that as a man, you didn't ask for help....who here among us doesn't remember our Dads or a family member refusing to ask for directions...(this was before the advent of GPS, so if you're 25, and reading this, you will have no idea what the heck I'm talking about...)

The act of asking for help is important..
Sometimes you will not get the help you need...
Or people will not help you exactly the way you predicted or desired....but if you learn how to ask people, you WILL get something.....

And this is important because there are times when there are some things so foreboding we should not face them on our own...the death or a parent, spouse, or child,,,,the notice that we or someone we know has a fatal disease....and there are many others...

There is also the danger that someone who doesn't ask for help can fall into a depression so deep, that the only way out that they see, is suicide...While not common, it's more common than you think...and it has touched the lives of those around us.

By the time you hit your 30's, you will probably know of or hear of a person who has committed suicide. One of my relatives did, and I still think of it to this day...how I was a troubled teen, and thought of it often, and there but for the Grae of God, I could have made that choice as welll...

Alcoholics and Addicts seem to be more prone to suicide than other groups, based mostly on my experience with thes behaviors and friends I have had, and lost....

Other life experiences can trigger this as well.,....when someone you know tends to experience great feelings of loneliness,,,,that's not a good sign either.

You can't prevent someone from commmitting suicide if they have a fierce determination to do it...and often those are the few among us who think no one else would understand the problem they are having, so they keep it to themselves....


If you do know anyone who is behaving differently, withdrawn, loneliness, sadness, depression, try to make the connection to help them see life in a better perspective...if you can't do that, suggest therapy...but please don't ignore it....your regrets for Eternity will not bring them back, or change something that you might have done, to get that person the help that they needed....

[jonthepain]

A buddy of mine, ex drinker, was describing in detail how he would kill himself to me and my son yesterday over breakfast.

I thought it odd, but we were talking about our previous deaths (both of us have died and been brought back; the nurse who resuscitated him happened to be our waitress yesterday,) so I did not take him at all seriously. Actually, it's hard to take anything he says seriously.

He is going thru some tough financial times at the moment, but who isn't?

Maybe I'll stop by his place today and see how he's doing.

[DarkSkies]

Jon, sorry I didn't respond to this sooner.
It's my experience that when people talk about suicide a lot, they may not follow through. Talking about it is a sign that they are looking for someone or something to intervene...

You never know, though, and can never be sure...
I would take his talking about it as a sign he's considering it....

I hope you had a chance to talk to him since then....

If not please do, and I know if with the wisdom and common sense advice you have, you could reach him, and possibly get him to consider talking to a 3rd party about it....

Please let us know what happens here, and keep us posted,,,,
or call me...you know I'm gonna worry about this till ya do....

[dogfish]

When I was in high school the uncle of a girlfriend killed himself. The family never saw it coming. If you have a chance, reach out.

[DarkSkies]

Thanks for sharing that Dogfish.



********
I always entertain great hopes.
--Robert Frost

In our honest journey, we must admit life is often difficult and painful. But these facts do not describe all of life, and they do not determine how we respond. The sun rises warm and bright after a cold and dark night. The open, generous smile of a small child reaches into the soft part of us all. To be strong and hardy on this spiritual path, we must be truthful about the pain and unfairness in life while holding firmly to a belief in all the generous possibilities.

Surrendering to despair, we trade the uncertainty of options for the certainty of gloom. Then we might say, "At least I'm never disappointed this way." Life isn't filled only with difficulty and pain. It is also filled with people whose dignity and spirit rise above their circumstances.

There are situations when great sacrifice or love and wisdom turn a problem into an opportunity and strength. If we look at what has happened in our own lives and in those of others, we have ample reason to hope.

My own experience in recovery gives me great hope in what can be.





********
Some good words of inspiration above....