One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

I have lost track of the exact number of years, but I think today is the 33rd Sobriety anniversary for me......

I. Looking back- keeping the memory Green....
I remember it as being 1982.....about the year when the striped bass were in a severe crisis first time....Right on the cusp of the moratorium.....(so doing the math it must be 33 years)

Of course I wasn't fishing for bass back then.....Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, and Rock and Roll were the prime focus of my life...together with going to school...but sometimes school was on the back burner......as my Addictions took over all in my life....

My life was unmanageable....and I was headed for certain death......on that path....I would have argued that point with you...but in proving it I could have died....and almost did...a few times....

I am very lucky to be alive...very grateful to have survived......despite all the odds...and a few friends being taken before their time, over the years.....







II. How it Works for Me...
ODAT......

One Day at a Time is still the best advice I can give someone..especially the newcomers....
It isn't always easy.......
And I don't do it well all the time..but my self-awareness. for the most part....is much better......
We, as addicts and alcoholics, have certain things that cause addictive behavior...triggers......and certain ways of justifying behaviors that can lead to worse addictions.....

1. There are all types of addictions out there...
Drugs...Alcohol, Sex, Food...Smoking....
Shopping, Gambling..Sports......
You can even be addicted to Chocolate, or Caffeine....anyone who has gotten a headache after drinking coffee all week....and cutting down on the weekend...will understand my words here.....

2. Sadly to say....
Fishing can even be an addiction....though most would argue it is a healthy addiction....but I know all too well, the consequences of fishing too much....when the bite is hot I have thrown myself into that mode...and my life has sometimes suffered.....

3. The internet can also be an addiction.....

4. It can also be addictive to help others all the time...putting their needs before your own.....
The balance, is knowing when to be selfish...and concentrate on yourself...before others...
One of the laments I have about modern society and the current dynamics...is that many out there....are more selfish than I remember....and avoid getting involved, or helping someone in need....
I am happier remembering 30 years ago..when folks seemed more willing to help others...

But, as JimmyZ frequently says..."It is what it is."








I think we all have to find a balance out there, that works for us...
If you recognize yourself in any of the phrases I mentioned above....
Feel free to comment....you don't have to be an addict, or alcoholic.....to have addictive tendencies....or participate in addictive behavior.....
Sometimes it helps to just talk about it......

Or...anyone reading...at any time....feel free to PM me in confidence...being assured of discretion and confidentiality....
And someone to listen...if you are in Crisis about anything going on in your life....
Feel free to reach out...I will help if I can.....

[DarkSkies]

Many are still suffering...or in Denial.......
I still have issues within my own family.....33 years into my Sobriety.....so if you have similar issues....
I can tell you...you are not alone...and if you are willing to work on yourself....
Things WILL get better........




Finally.....a Prayer for the Suffering Addict/Alcoholic out there......

"Dear God...please in your infinite wisdom and benevolence.....
Shine your Light down on those who are still suffering.....
Make them aware of your Benevolence and Availibility...
And if possible...allow them to be open to listening to Others...who may provide guidance or show them the way...
Amen..."

[cowherder]

Hey grats on the 33 years dark! I agree with you about addiction - fishing can definitely take a hold of you. Fortunately I have my wife to nag me before it gets that bad.

[ledhead36]

Well done Rich. Proud of you and how far you have come. Dont worry about families and crazies you can have mine. Let me know anytime and I will gladly dump them off with a dump truck.

[stripercrazy]

congratulations DS heres to many more.

I agree with you about addiction - fishing can definitely take a hold of you. Fortunately I have my wife to nag me before it gets that bad.

would it sound like this? lol

[dogfish]

Good job Rich. One day at a time works.

[buckethead]

Keep up the good work. Congrats and thanks for all you do, Dark.

[jonthepain]

It's definitely easier to go one day at a time with guys like Dark around to lend an ear when I need it.

Thanks man, it's always a kick in the *** talking with you.

[DarkSkies]

It's always a good part of my sobriety talking to you as well, pal.
(That is, as long as our cell phone batteries are fully charged)

Some days are better than others for me....I still struggle with some ups and downs....as many of us do....I still have my flaws...Sometimes the things I should be doing best at....I struggle with...and the secondary things.....seem to be easier to do well at....But they become manageable with the Grace of God....

The bottom line....is that sobriety is better than the alternative......
Too many people that we've known over the years....are no longer here because of their addictions.....That's the sobering thought that I face every day...that helps keep my memory green.

Thanks for the kind words.....and all you and your wife do to help others.....

[DarkSkies]

congratulations DS heres to many more.



would it sound like this? lol

Yes fishing can definitely be included among many addictions that we can have.
It's said to be a lot safer and less likely to get us arrested or killed...
But it can still ruin families and relationships...

I know quite a few people at the top of their game when it comes to catching fish....
Yet, they have suffered lost relationships or divorce because of their fishing addiction.....Your post and video help to lighten things up a bit...I bet all of us know at least a few people who could be the subject of that video...





Thanks to all for the kind words...
Read "The Dark side of surf fishing" to learn more.....
http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?1760-The-Dark-Side-of-surf-fishing

[DarkSkies]

It's with great sadness that I post this story....

Someone sent this to me....
Credit to Mark DiIonno and the Star Ledger...

A young Sandy hero dies during her personal recovery
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/201...nmouth_article
Mark Di Ionno
August 05, 2015 at 10:14 AM, updated August 06, 2015 at 9:59 AM


Cassandra Vitale tracked the early reports on Hurricane Sandy and believed the predictions about the storm's ferocity.
"She kept calling ... 'Ma, it's going to be real bad. You better get out of there,' " said her mother, Dawn Vitale.

Cassandra was living in Fort Lauderdale then, but was a Jersey Shore girl - Beachwood born and raised - so she packed a bag and jumped in her father's company van. She followed the storm up the coast with no real plan: She just knew she wanted to help.

"That's the way she was. She connected with people. Everyone she met, she helped in some way," said her brother, J.R. Vitale.

She helped so many people in her life, maybe she'll help someone with her death." -- Dawn Vitale

Cassandra Vitale arrived the day after the storm and went right to where help was needed most. She talked her way onto the barrier island near Seaside Heights and drove through sand-covered streets strewn with the debris of so many broken homes.

She parked her van at the EMS Station on 6^th Avenue in Ortley Beach and the Bucket Brigade was born. Vitale figured out ways to get what everybody needed: coffee and hot meals for the National Guard; bleach, garbage bags, mops, gloves, masks, cleaning supplies - all in warehouse volume - for the people arriving home to begin the long road back.


"She just went out and got donations,'' said Joan DeLucia, whose volunteer group, Weekday Warriors, demolished 1,200 Sandy-ravaged homes and worked closely with the Bucket Brigade. "She always came back with truckloads of something. She helped hundreds and hundreds of people."


From the van on 6^th Avenue, the operation grew to a donated construction trailer in the A&P parking lot as the donations kept coming and her crew kept getting bigger. Soon, Vitale was distributing tools and building supplies. At just 26, Vitale became a local legend for her ability to get what people needed.


"She was a great example of how one person can make a huge difference, and she made a huge difference," DeLucia said.

So when word spread earlier this week that Vitale, now 29, had died in Florida, all those people she had touched reacted with sadness, matched only by shock.


"It rocked me," said Kenneth Vasquez, who "lost everything" in the storm. "It hit me like a sledgehammer. I get choked up just thinking about it, and I think about it a lot."

Vasquez was a frequent visitor to Bucket Brigade headquarters on the island.

"She knew a lot of people couldn't get to the other donation centers," he said. "She was smart. She went to where the people were."

And at times, she even delivered the goods.

"She came to our house with cleaning supplies and also made sure we had hot meals when we were working on our home," said Nancy Phander. "She was a true, dear friend."


Vitale's brother remembered the day she took a can of pink spray paint and wrote "Stop staring, start caring," as rubberneckers began to cruise through the area.


"She wasn't a talker, she got things done," J.R. Vitale said. "The way she saw things, the world, was just bigger than most people. I don't know how to really describe it. To her, everything was an adventure."


For the first couple of months, Cassandra slept in her truck, unable to pull herself away.

"She came to my house a couple of times to shower, but she wanted to be where the action was," J.R. said.
Finally, DeLucia convinced her to stop living in the truck.
"After a while I said, 'This is crazy. Come stay with me. I'm right over the bridge,' " DeLucia said.


Still, Vitale worked almost around the clock. The volume of donations that came and went was box store-like and her trailer was one of the busiest places in town, one-stop shopping for people trying to rebuild their lives.
But when the need died down, what happened next was seemingly inexplicable.

She began using heroin, which is sadly prevalent in Ocean County. Of the 557 heroin deaths in New Jersey last year, almost 20 percent were in that county.

"I think it left a real void in her life," her brother said. "Or maybe she just had to numb herself from all the suffering she saw. That's what heroin does. It numbs you."

She went into rehab last summer, and went back to Florida and seemed to be doing well in her new job selling fuel oil to cruise lines. Her brother saw her two weeks ago at the funeral for their grandmother and "she was okay."


DeLucia talked to her on the phone two days before she died "and she was like her normal, happy-go-lucky, self."

Dawn Vitale said the family did not want to hide the cause of death because "the truth is the truth."

"She helped so many people in her life, maybe she'll help someone with her death," she said. "Because if it could happen to a kid like this, it could happen to anybody.















People should understand that about this drug. It can happen to anybody.
I'm posting this because I was talking about keeping our memories green.....
Here is a girl who had seemingly unlimited energy and love for others....very unselfish...in contrast to the selfish demeanor by many in today's society....

With all she did for others...she fell victim to a heroin addiction.....
It is tragic to me how many younger people today are doing heroin...
As the article said....Oeean County has one of the largeest % of users in the state.....
I can't do much to change these circumstances....

Just thought I would post it.....
Not to talk about drug use...
But to lament that here was a young woman who really tried to make difference....and
she's gone..
She gave her ALL to help others.....remarkable fortitude and courage...
And yet...she still fell victim to the Addiction...which is Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful........

Every time someone says to me..
"Rich you are doing great...all those years of Sobriety....you're finally "cured"!

It's not that simple.....
If you return to the old behaviors...
It's easy to return to the addiction as well.....

One Day at a Time.....
I hope all who read this remember that......

I have the utmost in heartfelt sadness and sympathy for this girl and her family...

Jonthepain says the following so much....I have to give him the credit....
"There but for the Grace of God....Go I...."
My deepest condolences to the family and friends of Cassandra Vitale.
















Cassandra Vitale (sitting at desk) was a founder of the Ortley Beach Bucket Brigade, a local aid group on the barrier island that helped up and distribute building supplies after Hurricane Sandy. Vitale, 29, died of a heroin overdose earlier this week. (Andrew Mills | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com)

[jonthepain]

wow.

[buckethead]

So very sorry to hear that. The daughter of a woman who my niece worked with in bayville died from a heroin OD 3 years ago. The family still has trouble with it. It was their only daughter. Very tragic. May Cassandra RIP.

[seamonkey]

People should understand that about this drug. It can happen to anybody.
I'm posting this because I was talking about keeping our memories green.....
Here is a girl who had seemingly unlimited energy and love for others....very unselfish...in contrast to the selfish demeanor by many in today's society....

With all she did for others...she fell victim to a heroin addiction.....
It is tragic to me how many younger people today are doing heroin...
As the article said....Oeean County has one of the largeest % of users in the state.....

Came across this it was an article musicians rallying against heroin abuse in ocean county,
Check out these stats-
There have been at least 758 opiate-related deaths in Monmouth and Ocean counties in the last 10 years; 146 of them (roughly 20 percent) came in 2014 alone.


Sorry to hear of the loss, t&p.

[bababooey]

There's a discussion right now on New Jersey 101.5 about the rise in heroin deaths in Monmouth and Ocean counties. prayers sent May she r.i.p

[DarkSkies]

Thanks for mentioning and posting about these issues, people. Heroin addiction and deaths are on the rise among our young people. It hits me hard every time I hear about another one. A short prayer for them all.....

God in your everlasting light...please shine down on these lost souls....
They have lost their Way......and are perilously close to a Path that ends in Death....
Please shine some understanding and Wisdom down on them....
That they may break the cycle of Addiction....
and find their way....back to Society, Friends...and Family that they have abandoned....
Amen.......

[buckethead]

Yes, God bless and help them to get themselves off this terrible stuff.

[surfrob]

Heroin is epidemic in my county. That and crack/meth. These cost the life of a friend this year who was murdered by his addicted son.

God Bless and help all who have taken the step, to make it *one day at a time*!

[jonthepain]

Dec 1 was my 11 year and 6 month sobriety anniversary. All Grace.

My best friend and long-time fishing partner, Ray Nemeth, died yesterday. He had been waiting for a liver. Please pray for his wife Sarah and brother John.

Thanks,
Jon

[seamonkey]

Congrats man you guys have a lot of will power to kick that stuff. RIP for your friend as well, t&p.