One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

January 10, 2009

Happiness

The simplicity of the AA program teaches me
that happiness isn't something I can "demand."
It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others.
In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed,
I find that my own sobriety has been recharged
with indescribable gratitude and happiness.



Thought to Ponder....

Happiness is part of the journey, not some distant destination.




Words of wisdom in that thought. So many uf us have beern focused on a time in the future when we will be happy, let's not forget about today. I have been busy doing some stuff, and feel like it's dragging me down, not enough hours in a day. I wish I had 48 hours. Then, if I had 48, the alcoholic in me would convince me I need 72 hours.

Just for today, I am trying to be happy, and grateful. Even when I'm not happy, it's my obligation to try to be. We can be happy for small things also. I'm happy this thread has reached 100 posts, and is past 10 pages. It's helping me, and I hope it's helping others.

I missed a meeting last night because I had to work late, such is life. We keep what we have by giving it away. Helping others in a jam teaches us to be selfless, and that it could always be worse.

[DarkSkies]

January 11, 2009



Tradition One

"Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends on AA unity."
We stay whole, or AA dies. Without unity, the heart of AA would cease to beat . . .
Back again in their caves, alcoholics would reproach us and say,
"What a great thing AA might have been!"




This definitely rings true for me. The meeting process seems organized, but go to any large meeting, and you will see a dozen cliques. People who only come to get laid, people who are there because probation or the court says they have to be, people who are there, but distracted because they can't be without a cigarette for an hour. You can always find negative examples wherever you look. Some newcomers have complained to me about the cliques, and that some people seem more serious than others.

If you want recoverty, you have to reach for it, it won't come to you. So find the people who are interested in the same things as you, and stick with them. Offer to get involved, make a coffee committment, or stick around for the business meeting once a month afterwards. The AA and NA organizations have been around for years now, but any organization needs support of the members. Contribute either with your labor, feedback, or by helping a newcomer, and you'll reap good positive rewards.

[katiefishes]

Words of wisdom in that thought. So many uf us have beern focused on a time in the future when we will be happy, let's not forget about today. I have been busy doing some stuff, and feel like it's dragging me down, not enough hours in a day. I wish I had 48 hours. Then, if I had 48, the alcoholic in me would convince me I need 72 hours.

Just for today, I am trying to be happy, and grateful. Even when I'm not happy, it's my obligation to try to be. We can be happy for small things also. I'm happy this thread has reached 100 posts, and is past 10 pages. It's helping me, and I hope it's helping others.

I missed a meeting last night because I had to work late, such is life. We keep what we have by giving it away. Helping others in a jam teaches us to be selfless, and that it could always be worse.

I have been reading this thread for a while know. I am a pretty private person. I think it is fair to say that I only talk about my family history or the private moments of my life with only a few people. I have known them for years trust them completely.

What touched me here today was the thread by darkskies about Happiness.

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

The part I am having trouble with in my life is over coming the powerful thoughts of sadness. Darkskies summed it up with one sentence, "Be happy with the small things". This somehow opened up a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe he's right. In time the complete picture will close with total happiness . . . One day at a time.


To Mick2360:

I had an alcoholic father. He died about 3 years ago. The last 12 years of his life he was sober and attended regular AA meetings. I made peace with him at the end of his life.

However, I never truly understood the power or feelings associated with alcohol. You gave me insight into what he was dealing with all those years.

"Mick 2360 - Mostly, I remember the shame. I would black out and say or do things that i didn't recollect. I would have to call a friend and ask what I did or if I owed anyone an apology. I started losing my car and had to get a ride to check my hangouts. I was the life of the party until, more and more, I was the last one standing, watching the sun come up all alone. And there was the sickness, the shakes and the horrible headaches. I started to get up early to hit a bar on the way into work, hanging out with the third shift guys, drinking a beer to kill the shakes and the sickness. It was along way from the good times but I was at it so long it seemed normal."

Thank you it helped me realize that the alcohol controlled him. His wonderful character was just buried inside.

[mick2360]

Rich, Happy 2009, my friend. This thread is taking root and it will provide comfort and inspiration to those of us who have to deal, in one way or another, with alcoholism. Keep up the good work. I'll try to support this thread more regularly. Looking forward to seeing you in the spring.

Katie, Thanks for the kind words. I'm honored that any of my thoughts gave you an understanding of your Dad's affliction. So much of recovering from alcohol is learning to slow down and begin to allow others into our lives without the need to control. As an Adult Child of Alcoholics (ACOA), you would have a lot to offer. I'm glad that you posted and made yourself known.

We are developing a small but steady sober community here and all who have been afflicted by alcohol, either directly or through relationships, are welcome.

[DarkSkies]

January 12, 2009

Reprieve

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels.
We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent upon our spiritual condition.
Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will
into all of our activities.
"How can I best serve Thee -- Thy will (not mine) be done."


Thought to Ponder....

The will of God will never take me where the grace of God will not protect me.




This is good stuff, it shows our disease is cunning baffling and powerful. It's not a good idea to get complacent, because the disease and more pain are waiting just around the corner. It's easy to rest on the cloud 9 of a good sober day, week, or month, and not feel we need to work on ourselves.

That's why the steps are important. The program gives you a foundation, and the steps and spirituallity are the framework for building a new life. The step work is hard, sometimes it's even harder believing in a higher power when there is so much evil and disregard for others in this world. Butr you must press on, and try to get some kind of spirituality in your life, if you really want to grow as a person.

One of the people who inspires me is JimmyZ, I hope I don't embarass him by saying that. This guy rolls with the punches, he''s has a lot of setbacls in life, and seems to get through them. His faith in God seems solid, while mine wavers from time to time.

If anyone out there is struggling with faith, remember that it's not a required part of the program, agnostics are welcome too. Your higher power can be a coffee cup, or people you trust in ans confide in.

I think the important part is you need to believe in something, what that thing is, is your choice. I believe in God because soometimes I was so messed up, I shouldn't have woken uup in the morning. I'm lucky I didn't die from all the different substances I put in my body. I didn't, while others weren't so lucky, and they're dead now.

So I believe I am still here, by the grace of God. I have ot have some gratitude for that, and others who thought I was worth saving, and helped when I reached out asking for help.

[jonthepain]

I have been reading this thread for a while know. I am a pretty private person. I think it is fair to say that I only talk about my family history or the private moments of my life with only a few people. I have known them for years trust them completely.

What touched me here today was the thread by darkskies about Happiness.

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

[dogfish]

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

Nice post of the Joe Walsh song, I didn't know he sang that.
Katie, your post was moving. My father was also an alcoholic. It must have been an effort to share that, good job.

[jimmy z]

I learned years ago, not to hold any reservations, or "yets". I did at one time, and set myself up for failure. Today I believe there isn't an option called drinking.
I never forget where I came from, that last day out there. That is my reality, if I choose to drink again.
I know today, there is another way to live. That I was put on this Earth for a purpose, an Divine purpose. And one thing is for sure, if I did not hit that bottom, I would not be where I am today. And that is a miracle.

[mick2360]

I learned years ago, not to hold any reservations, or "yets". I did at one time, and set myself up for failure. Today I believe there isn't an option called drinking.
I never forget where I came from, that last day out there. That is my reality, if I choose to drink again.
I know today, there is another way to live. That I was put on this Earth for a purpose, an Divine purpose. And one thing is for sure, if I did not hit that bottom, I would not be where I am today. And that is a miracle.

I wouldn't give up my time drinking for anything. As strange as that sounds and for all of the suffering I caused, to others and myself, I appreciate so much more what I have today by remembering the drinking time. When I was drinking I was a wretch. I looked good and always had a nice home but my life was chaos and I was not a decent man. I believe my recovery was a gift from God and my obligation is to be present for others in need, however they may present themselves to me.

It may sound trite but I believe that at the end of my days, I will be called on to give an accounting of my life. My alcoholism is my greatest burden and my greatest gift; it defined my shame and provided my Everest. Every day away from drink gets better. And I want to be ready when my path crosses that of anyone who is put there to receive my help.

[jonthepain]

Well said.

[DarkSkies]

January 13, 2009

Isolation

Isolation is bad for new people, old people, and in-between people
if they are alcoholic people. Isolation sneaks up on us.
We can mask it with familiar props that are not in themselves bad.
We can isolate ourselves in an attempt to clean up our apartments
(and then not do the cleaning);
we can isolate ourselves in churches or in sleep; we can use family,
sweethearts, compulsive working, television. The list is long.
The nicest way to end it is the way you and I do: together.
Reach out -- people can't read your mind.
Say ouch! Someone hears. Always.


Thought to Ponder....

Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives.



This hits home. I'm guilty of this. It describes me, and the relationships I have had with my family, and at times other people I'm close to. There are some people out there who always need to surround themselves with others. A good friend I went to high school with had parties all the time, any excuse, and always seemed to be buying a new toy that involved 4 or 5 of us coming over to the garage to check out.

I'm the opposite end of the spectrum, pretty independent, do what I want, go where I want to go. I fish alone a lot because I like the solitude, I get a chance to do some good thinking and self-analysis. In the past I realized that people don't always have the same likes you do, so I learned to go places by myself. Went to hardcore shows with friends sometimes, other times I went by myself if I wantefd to see the band and no one else wanted to go. I made friends along the way, but it was always easier to roll by mysself.

A good friend fishes like that too, says he doesn't want the responsibility or committment oof fishin and having to stay at one place for any amount of time. I think that's one of the key things about it, when you're by yourself you only have responsibility for yourself.

Sometimes it's easier to handle things that way, much simpler. The danger is the other side ofn it, which I know all too well. It's easy to take that sense of independence, and convince yourself you don't need anybody in life, or if you try to reach out to people and it doesn't work out for some reason, effumall!

There should be a realization there that relationships with people take work.

Sometimes seem like they're not worth it, so we as alcoholics and addicts stagnate in our own world. There have been times, especially in the winter, with the added affect of SAD and days with low light, where I have fallen into deep depression. There were times I would come home from work on a Friday, and go to bed until monday morning. I would get up to hit the bathroom, or eat, otherwise the TV and bed was my world.

I'm past that now, but its all too easy for me to fall back. I stopped watching TV, sometimes sleep on the floor instead of the bed because I don't want to get too comfortable. I know that I have to keep busy on the weekends, or it's easy to isolate again, especially in the winter.

"Isolation is a darkroom for developing negatives. "

This is definitely true, at least in my case. I guess the main point here is there is a difference between being independent, and isolation.

If you recognize any of the above signs in yourself, you may be experriencing clinical depression. If you know anyone who is doing that, try to reach out to them and ask them to go outdoors, go someplace with you. Being outdoors and in the sun is just the ticket sometimes.

You probably won't be able to get them to talk about it unless they want to. Statistically, winter and the holiday season is the time when most suicides happen. The best you can do is reach a hand out. They might not take it, but then again they may say yes.

[DarkSkies]

When one is so sad to them there is no future. Each day is a struggle. They wake up and their hearts are heavy, they go to bed and their hearts are heavy. They try to be happy, try to convince their family and friends that they are. Like darkskies said "things keep dragging him down".

In my opinion the only way to attain happiness is to make changes in the things we are unhappy about. That goes back to the basis of this thread - One day at a time.

The part I am having trouble with in my life is over coming the powerful thoughts of sadness. Darkskies summed it up with one sentence, "Be happy with the small things". This somehow opened up a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe he's right. In time the complete picture will close with total happiness . . . One day at a time.



....Thank you it helped me realize that the alcohol controlled him. His wonderful character was just buried inside.

Katie, some very good stuff you wrote there. I identify with it because I have been there, and still feel that way at times, even as the years in recovery accumulate.

I don't like to quote the Bible because other people know a lot more about it than I do. I do remember some kind of passage in there about struggles, and turmoil - ..."this too shall pass".

When things are bad, for us, or we feel overwhelmed by sadness, it's good to get it out there and share it with people. I knew a few people who wouldn't be in the cemetary now if they could have opened up a little more about what was going in in their lives.

It was nice of you to share it with us.

I believe my recovery was a gift from God and my obligation is to be present for others in need, however they may present themselves to me.

It may sound trite but I believe that at the end of my days, I will be called on to give an accounting of my life. My alcoholism is my greatest burden and my greatest gift; it defined my shame and provided my Everest. Every day away from drink gets better. And I want to be ready when my path crosses that of anyone who is put there to receive my help.

You have a way with words, Mick, short and to the point, but they ring true. The thing about being an alcoholic or addict is we effed up a lot, amd made some big mistakes. That also allows us to repair our lives and some of the damage we caused through the practices and principles of AA/NA.

And the free counselling! Some people don't get that free, hard hitting feedback from others without paying $150/hr. We get it for free, as long as we remain willing to listen to feedback from other recovering drunks and addicts.

[DarkSkies]

Remarkably similar to my experience with my father, and a major reason that I knew that I did not want that for my kids.

A good friend of mine just sent this to me, and it was perfect timing.

Joe Walsh on You Tube:

http://es.youtube.com/watch?v=UbFh_pD47k4

Jon, great clip! I didn't know he did that song either. I met him at the 2nd Woodstock, I went up to him, said "Hey, aren't you Joe W?"
He said "Shhhhhh!" Like a guy who looks like him could go around undercover. But he was cool, and he's a survivor. Hats off to Joe, and all of us keepin it real, one day at a time.

I found this clip with Joe and Sam Kinison on the Stern show, about 20 years back. Sam was great in his own way, and so was Joe, but Sam's dead, and Joe is keepin on, ODAT.

[mick2360]

Tonight in I was talking to a guy told a story of his wife having an affair while they were still married. Seems like booze was a constant in his life yet he could not understand his wife's disloyalty. We talked about it for a long time. My heart went out to him.

Once, long ago, I lost a woman that I loved. She told me, "You can have booze or you can have me. There isn't room for the three of us." And she was right.

I miss the feeling of sitting at the edge of the bar with my hand on the wood of the bar and my feet on the rungs of the stool. I felt such balance there. I used to love the third drink. The first was to kill the want, the second to settle me and the third....well, the third was where the numb started. I used to like numb. A lot.

Today, that is far behind me and yet it influences every day of my life. I still have a hard time with feelings and I have to remind myself that I am capable and can meet the needs of those i choose to be close with. In a minute, I'm going to click the send button and fall off to sleep with my lovely bride right next to me. I have found a woman to love. She is patient when I am clumsy or shallow. And it is just like my friend said when she said goodbye so long ago. There isn't room for three of us. Words to live by.

[DarkSkies]

January 14, 2009

Tradition Three

"The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking."

Tradition Three defines the personal liberty of the AA member.
It says, in effect, that any alcoholic can be an AA member the moment he says so.
Neither can any of us deprive him of that membership,
no matter what his behavior. . .
Every AA newcomer feels at once that he is wanted and trusted and loved.


Thought to Ponder....

AA is like an adjustable wrench; it fits almost any nut.



"fits almost any nut" That works for me. This shows me and others that no matter how effed up we are, or were, there is a place where we can get better. Free therapy with other nuts, in a nut house, or room of assorted nuts. What could be better?



"Chief's got his hand up!"

[mick2360]

A great movie. Maybe a better book. The Chief has a line that reflects my drinking career perfectly, although I may not remember it as well as it was written: "When I started drinking I was taking a drink out of the bottle. At the end of my drinking the bottle was taking a drink out of me."

[DarkSkies]

A great movie. Maybe a better book. The Chief has a line that reflects my drinking career perfectly, although I may not remember it as well as it was written: "When I started drinking I was taking a drink out of the bottle. At the end of my drinking the bottle was taking a drink out of me."

Great point, Mick, at the time I hit bottom I convinced myself my problem was pot and other drugs, if I could only get a handle on them, I would be able to get a handle on my drinking. How f'ed up was that? The drinking was central to my addiction all along, but I was lookking for an excuse to keep at least one of my vices.

Cunning, baffling, and powerful, yes it is.

Someone said something at a meeting the other night - "Pain is inevitable, suffering is not." Eventually we learn not to bang our heads against the wall anymore.

The cukkoo's nest is a great movie to pull clips from. Here''s another one where Jack is made a laughingstock by all the other nutcases.

Classic Jack - at the end he says - "at least I tried"



The nuts go fishin

[jimmy z]

Isolation was always a big problem for me. Always feeling that I didn't fit in. But that was how I felt, at that time in my life. It was difficult for me to have any type of positive relationship, because of all the negative feeling inside of me.
Well, today I know I can't do this alone, and instead of pushing people away from me, I need them in my life today.

[DarkSkies]

January 15, 2009

Survey

We should make an accurate and really exhaustive survey of our past life
as it has affected other people.
In many instances we shall find that though the harm done others
has not been great, the emotional harm we have done ourselves has.
Very deep, sometimes quite forgotten, damaging emotional conflicts
persist below the level of consciousness.




This rings true, at least for me. In our addiction to alcohol, we made tons of mistakes, we disappointed people all the time, broken promises, disresprect, and failed attempts at sobriety. This not only affected us, but friends and family around us. Entering into and achieving sobriety does not make all this go away, we have to make amands to those we stepped on and hurt. It doesn't get all better with a magic process the moment we get sober, that's just the beginning of puttiiiing our lives back together.

Amends, or trying to make amends, is importsnt. It's one of the beginning steps on a healing process. I was at a reunion a while ago, a guy I hadn't seen in many years said something negative about when we used to work together. He was kind of a trouble maker, and I chased him out of the store one day. I could see he was still mad about it, even though so many years had passed. I could have justified that he desreved it, but at seeing it still bothered him, just told him I was sorry, that it was in the past, but I was still apologizing for it, and taking responsibility.

That made a difference to him, and I was glad I did it. Only takes a few seconds to say "I'm sorry" but what a difference it makes. Too many people have forgotten those 2 words in this busy world we live in today, yet they are timeless. We spent the rest of the night having some good conversations, and some laughs about the past. Being stubborn abd refusing to apologize would not have allowed us to have that conversation.

I also made amends to family members, in some cases going way beyond the original ddamage in terms of how I tried to repair the hurt feelings. In some cases I was overcompensating for the hurt I caused. Some of my family, in their sickness, felt it was time to collect on the lottery and became greedy. They didn't see my efforts for what they were because they were still sick, so they justified taking advantage of me. I saw it coming and learned from it.
That's why working the steps is a good part ofr any program. someone said something at a meeting the other night - "Buy into the program or you won't get anything out of it"

You can stay sober by going to meetings and not picking up, one day a t a time. But growth comes from self-analysis, introspection, and the willingness to work on character defects.


Amends are not always possible, but in the words of Jack Nicholson, "..at least I tried".

[bunkerjoe4]

One of our members suggested that this thread be moved to the Main Forum. Suggestions are always welcome. It seems like folks are being helped, so I will move it. Keep up the good work, guys.