Jokes about sex and dirty jokes

[hookset]

STILL IN THE BOX

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it, doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend.

They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he'd ever seen them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts. "

He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "And look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

[stripercrazy]

Johnny Farts
The teacher walks into the room and says... "OK class todays word is DEFINITELY, can anyone use the word in a sentence."

Little Susie stands up and say "The sky is DEFINITELY blue."

The teacher says; "Not necessarily Susie, it can be blue, gray, or black, but nice try."

Little Johnny is in the back of the room and is waving his hands back and forth.

The teacher says " Yes Johnny, What is it?"

Johnny says " I have a question."

OK lets hear it, says the teacher.

Johnny says "Do Farts have lumps?"

The teacher says, "Well no they don't."

Little Johnny says "Well then I DEFINITELY just **** my pants!!!"

[plugcrazy]

Johnny Farts
The teacher walks into the room and says... "OK class todays word is DEFINITELY, can anyone use the word in a sentence."

Little Susie stands up and say "The sky is DEFINITELY blue."

The teacher says; "Not necessarily Susie, it can be blue, gray, or black, but nice try."

Little Johnny is in the back of the room and is waving his hands back and forth.

The teacher says " Yes Johnny, What is it?"

Johnny says " I have a question."

OK lets hear it, says the teacher.

Johnny says "Do Farts have lumps?"

The teacher says, "Well no they don't."

Little Johnny says "Well then I DEFINITELY just **** my pants!!!"

lumpy fart syndrome, been there, done that.