Taking a crap and enjoying the stink

[bababooey]

Found this on some blog. Won't post the link b/c he gets real boring after about 2 1/2 minutes, but this rant is classic.



This morning I took one of those ***** that really, really smelled bad. It smelled like a homeless person had crawled up my *** in the middle of the night, vomited a couple of times, then died and started to rot. And it had the consistency of play-doh. You know, one of those ***** where you feel so like you’re squeezing a tube of toothpaste that you try to bend your neck a lot to get the last bit out of your ***.

I am somewhat comforted by the fact that many men take bad, stinky ***** every now and then. I know because I go to public restrooms on occasion. And public men’s rooms stink. This morning, my bad crap was in my own bathroom. But more than once, I have been forced to take bad ***** in public restrooms. I apologize to you all.


What I don’t understand are the guys who have no problem using public toilets just like they are at home. They grunt and fart and moan as they take the smelliest crap ever, and then when they have finished and stand at the sink next to you, they say something to themselves like, “But, damn, that was a good burrito.”

I used to work in an office with a guy who brought the newspaper with him every morning. Then, sometime after lunch, he would grab his newspaper and head for the toilet. It was ******** time!

As he headed down the hall, New York Post under his arm, every man in the office would take note of the time. We all knew to avoid the bathroom for at least a half-hour, but preferably for an hour. I don’t know what Mr. ******** Time ate, but he regularly took ***** that smelled like the ******* morgue. The Paris morgue!

I, for one, do not like taking ***** in public restrooms. It’s just not my thing. But when I do have to **** in public, I try to make it quick and quiet and I prefer that nobody else is in the restroom.

Every now and then, when you take a dump, the turd falls from your sphincter with a delightful confirmatory splash only to send water from the toilet bowl shooting right into your exposed *******. And then, toilet seat cover or not, you are left wondering what dreaded species of gonorrhea or flesh-eating virus has just begun to multiply up your ***. At those moments, herpes doesn’t seem so bad.

[plugcrazy]

Every now and then, when you take a dump, the turd falls from your sphincter with a delightful confirmatory splash only to send water from the toilet bowl shooting right into your exposed *******. And then, toilet seat cover or not, you are left wondering what dreaded species of gonorrhea or flesh-eating virus has just begun to multiply up your ***. At those moments, herpes doesn’t seem so bad.

This is one twizted dude.

[dogfish]

Had some of those crappy mornings after a night of drinkin and fast food. Mmmm mmmm gas mask.

[katiefishes]

Every now and then, when you take a dump, the turd falls from your sphincter with a delightful confirmatory splash only to send water from the toilet bowl shooting right into your exposed *******.

Seems to me as if you guys are creating your own bidet.

[paco33]

Please do not use "bidet" and "guys" in the same sentence. Not cool, except for the metrosexuals out there.

[clamchucker]

This is one of the last refuges we have as a man, besides fishing and playing poker with the guys. A man's toilet is his castle.

[stripercrazy]

I just put this picture on my bathroom door. People get the idea.

[fishinmission78]

Sometimes it's actually a good idea to leave the door open when you're done & have company that won't leave.

[pescador29]

I put the fan on when I start, or my family complain they will get sick.

[bababooey]

Poo-Pourri!!!!
roflmfao!!!!!!!!!!
Who would buy this?

[cowherder]

Forget the poo-pourri did anyone hear the words she is saying its nutz.
Bababooey you are sick!

the mother lode I just dropped
the creamy behemoth from my cavernous bowels

[wish4fish]

dudes u dont kno what u r missing. shes a redhead i like redheads esp that wendys burger chick on tv. give me one night with this chick i dont care about the poop i wud eat the peanuts out of her ****.

[Monty]

prairie dogging it

dudes u dont kno what u r missing. shes a redhead i like redheads esp that wendys burger chick on tv. give me one night with this chick i dont care about the poop i wud eat the peanuts out of her ****.

You been fishing with Bababooey lately?

[jigfreak]

Love that wendy's chick.

[bababooey]

This one gave me a chuckle. Haribo sugarless gummy bears Amazon review.

This review is from: Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag (Grocery)
Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

[bababooey]

found another good one

[surfstix1963]

Bababooey you have a way with words.I never had those gummy bears,Thank God about a month or so before camping is scheduled we take Black Forest gummy bears(only that brand)soak them in a plastic covered bowl in Vodka put them in the fridge check weekly add more vodka as needed and they will absorb the vodka kind of like mini jello shots that pack a punch.Any other type of booze will break them down.

[lostatsea]

found another good one

omg this is sick!

[fishinmission78]

Bababooey you have a way with words.

x2 funny stuff. SS those vodka soaked gummies sound like a plan. Will have to try doing that, thanks.

[surfstix1963]

Everyone we know makes them they all walk around the campground chowing down on them that way some cops don't bust your chops for walking around with alcohol.