Most embarassing crap story

[plugginpete]

Did you ever drink too much coffee on a fishing trip and got the runs?

[voyager35]

It happens. Good idea to bring some rolls with you to stabilize your stomach. Also immodium.

[DarkSkies]

I was fishin with G and part of his crew the other week. We had a blast telling about the funniest or most embarassing crap stories we had. For those of yas who got the stones to put it out on the internet, let's hear em!

[DarkSkies]

One of mine:

I was 20, had a 18 yr old hottie that I was in love with. She's one that I look back with regret and wonder why things didn't work out differently with. Anyway, she had serious psychological problems, she wanted to be with me the most when she was with someone else, and ended up marrying a guy who beat her. Go figure.

Back to the story. I was bringin her and her girlfriend up to my place for some partying, I actually had some game way back then, pimp hand was strong. : We had to drive over an hour to get to my place, and I was up for 2 days with the different substances I was doin. I also drank a thermos of coffee before we started the trip.

We were drivin in the car, tunes blastin, great vibe, good jokes, I was on top of the world, and goin back to my place to party with 2 luscious babes.

Someone made a joke, and I started laughing, unfortunately at the same time releasing part of the thermos of coffee in my pants as my bowels forgot their function in the natural order of things.

Immediately I realized the need to pull over before the impending stench would let the hotties realize what I did. I cracked the window, muttering something about needing fresh air, and pulled over. "Gotta take a quick leak", I said as I ran out of the car.

I made it about 100 feet back in the woods bvefore I was hit with a 2nd explosion. Took care of that, but as I dropped my pants to get into position, I was greeted with a disgusting sight...

chocolate pudding everywhere!

I took my clothes off, got rid of the pudding underwear, wiped up as best as I could, and got everything back together. However there was still a foul stench to deal with, and I used everything within hand's reach to wipe up and clean back there.

Good thing there was no poison ivy around.

I must have been back there for almost 15 minutes. The girls were beeping the horn and yelling out to the woods, asking me where the hell I was.

(Women keep us waiting all the time, but God forbid you keep a woman waiting!)

So I made my way back to the car, making up a lame excuse how I went to take a leak, and fell down in a ditch. I don't think they believed me, but they were half high anyway. I think I did a pretty good job takin care of the stench. Just to be sure, I took a shower when we got home.

Didn't matter, because I didn't get lucky that night. We just got drunk and high, and I had to take them home the next day. Story of my life, but there were at least a few good sex stories in the middle somewhere.


So let's hear some of the other stories out there, gonna be a long weekend till the rain clears.

[albiealert]

: (I absolutely can't beat that one Dark, you take the pudding on that one)

My story- I was in college, eating at a Chinese restaurant with my buddies. I was a little drunk at the time, and they dared me to eat some green wasabi with the sushi. Not only did I accept, I boasted that no one would ever be able to beat my achievement. They filled an ice cream plate with wasabi. Armed with 2 glasses of water, I ate 2 ice cream huge scoops of it. I was playing it cool, and they were high fiving me. I was a little nerdy in college, so this made me the king in their eyes. Let's face it, my friends were nerdy too.

About an hour after we got back to the dorm, there was a rumbling in my stomach. I was still a little drunk and ignored it, until it could be ignored no more. I ran to the bathroom. No pudding here, but I had the most explosive diarrhea. I was glad I made that toilet. If I could have added a few colors when I was done, other than the basic putrid brown, they would have called me Picasso. Unfortunately the bad part was I had to clean it up the next morning when I was discovered to be the mad bomber. It's not a good idea to wait till the next day to clean something like that up. The most delicate way I can phrase it was it was like picking dried cement flecks off the sidewalk, after it has dried to the cement that was there already.

[storminsteve]

Took care of that, but as I dropped my pants to get into position, I was greeted with a disgusting sight...

chocolate pudding everywhere!

I took my clothes off, got rid of the pudding underwear, wiped up as best as I could, and got everything back together. However there was still a foul stench to deal with, and I used everything within hand's reach to wipe up and clean back there.

TMI, dude! My story is short but not sweet. My girlfriend and I were down at the shore house of her parents. I had a lot of barbequed hot wings at a shindig they were throwing, and maybe a few too many beers. You know when you eat hot or spicy foods you get some kind of a warning when you're in trouble, and I had that. I made my way to the bathroom, someone was telling a joke, I laughed at it, crapped my pants.

Unfortunately the pants still smelled even after I washed them in the bathroom, so I quietly snuck out and did the 10 mile drive to my house to get a change of clothes. My girlfriend was the jealous type. When I got back, she saw I had new clothes on. She was a little drunk and almost accused me of leaving to be with another girl. I told her "smell my hands!" I was a little buzzed too and didn't wash them too great I guess. She expected to smell perfume, but instead got eau de skunk. I felt it was kind of cruel, but with her jealousy she deserved it. Sort of like when you are arguing with your wife or girlfriend in bed, and you give her a Dutch oven underneath the covers. ***** deserved it, and we broke up after that anyway.

[bababooey]

This thread is starting to leave too foul a stench. Here's my story sad but true, fell in love with a girl called runaround Sue, and then we got married-


"A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior.

"I know it's none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren't having sex with your new wife."

"Oh, I couldn't do that; she has gonorrhea."

"Well, what about anal sex?"

"Couldn't do that; she has diarrhea."

"There is always oral sex."

"Nope, she has pyorrhea."

"Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?"

"That's easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!"

[stripercrazy]

No story for me, you guys are ill. But Harold and Kumar wanted to chime in.

[Rip-Plugger]

One of mine:

I was 20, had a 18 yr old hottie that I was in love with. She's one that I look back with regret and wonder why things didn't work out differently with. Anyway, she had serious psychological problems, she wanted to be with me the most when she was with someone else, and ended up marrying a guy who beat her. Go figure.

Back to the story. I was bringin her and her girlfriend up to my place for some partying, I actually had some game way back then, pimp hand was strong. : We had to drive over an hour to get to my place, and I was up for 2 days with the different substances I was doin. I also drank a thermos of coffee before we started the trip.

We were drivin in the car, tunes blastin, great vibe, good jokes, I was on top of the world, and goin back to my place to party with 2 luscious babes.

Someone made a joke, and I started laughing, unfortunately at the same time releasing part of the thermos of coffee in my pants as my bowels forgot their function in the natural order of things.

Immediately I realized the need to pull over before the impending stench would let the hotties realize what I did. I cracked the window, muttering something about needing fresh air, and pulled over. "Gotta take a quick leak", I said as I ran out of the car.

I made it about 100 feet back in the woods bvefore I was hit with a 2nd explosion. Took care of that, but as I dropped my pants to get into position, I was greeted with a disgusting sight...

chocolate pudding everywhere!

I took my clothes off, got rid of the pudding underwear, wiped up as best as I could, and got everything back together. However there was still a foul stench to deal with, and I used everything within hand's reach to wipe up and clean back there.

Good thing there was no poison ivy around.

I must have been back there for almost 15 minutes. The girls were beeping the horn and yelling out to the woods, asking me where the hell I was.

(Women keep us waiting all the time, but God forbid you keep a woman waiting!)

So I made my way back to the car, making up a lame excuse how I went to take a leak, and fell down in a ditch. I don't think they believed me, but they were half high anyway. I think I did a pretty good job takin care of the stench. Just to be sure, I took a shower when we got home.

Didn't matter, because I didn't get lucky that night. We just got drunk and high, and I had to take them home the next day. Story of my life, but there were at least a few good sex stories in the middle somewhere.


So let's hear some of the other stories out there, gonna be a long weekend till the rain clears.

wow,you actually pulled that off,you got more than pimp-game for sure!

[Rip-Plugger]

heres mine.
I was drifting a deep hole some years ago and the first drift I was hooked up with a nice fish.
caught several like it and then I feel it,the surge from below.
I had to drop something off bad.
I reeled in and leaned my rig on some eelgrass.
I leaned against this large rock and dropped my linen.
3 good blasts later,I was done.
I took my fresh snotrag out and wiped myself up good and clean.
threw it in the brush and went back fishing.
got into several more fish and then had to shake the weasel.
I pull it out next to the same spot I dumped on and the area looked clean.
I took my flashlight and looked and every bit of crap was gone!.
I don't know what ate/licked it all up but,it had a full belly after that,,,still amazed to this day.
don't know what would eat that.

[williehookem]

I leaned against this large rock and dropped my linen.
3 good blasts later,I was done.
I took my fresh snotrag out and wiped myself up good and clean.
threw it in the brush and went back fishing.
got into several more fish and then had to shake the weasel.
I pull it out next to the same spot I dumped on and the area looked clean.
I took my flashlight and looked and every bit of crap was gone!.
I don't know what ate/licked it all up but,it had a full belly after that,,,still amazed to this day.
don't know what would eat that.

That was sick and disgusting! But in a good way. You guys are certifiably nuts, never heard stories like that. Keep em coming.

[Monty]

http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...Stuff-freedoms

A couple other differences in China.

The bath room was so disgusting my *ss puckered up and refused to $hit. Was unreal bad. A bunch of holes in the ground with maybe a trickle of water and $hit splattered about. I must be getting old, I have been around these bathrooms before years ago, but was completely disgusted this time.
Will do best to schedule, also need to bring TP in case of emergency as there was none around.

Bottled water, not available in the factory, went 11 hours today without water (brought nutrition bars with me but the splattered $hit disgusted me so much I could only eat one). Stopped on way back to hotel and the people I am working for bought me a case of water (they are very nice people).

Hotel is very modern. Extremely clean. Have no idea why the have glass clear doors and walls inside the room, like to go to the bathroom its a see through glass door that is always closed or when open blocks a hall. Hard to see in the dimmed room....plus they have energy efficient lighting....the whole room is dimmed, that oldness makes it very difficult to see in a dimmed room. Plus motion sensors....everything is turning on and off automatically....I sit up and a light goes on..stuff just turns off.
And last night fireworks went off 30 yards straight out from my window (I'm on 18th floor). That was a surprise.

So far a decent trip.

[Monty]

They don't have toilets? How do you aim when you take a dump?

They crouch over the hole.....its like 2 inch diameter...In the center of a bigger oval hole...I do not think they have good aim...this one I don't think had running water...or a trickle at most, there were like 12 of them.
I am thinking that's how it goes here, have seen it on other trips to other places in China.

[dogfish]

^^^^^^ that is so disgusting monty. Glad I had my lunch before reading that.
Here is one for you all -

You pull an all nighter. The fish are in the canal. An hour before sunrise you are following the tide as you hop on your bicycle to get to the next spot. You feel like you have to fart. You remember all the coffee and bad food you ate that night but make a brave attempt to let one out as you get on the bike so the smell will stay behind you. Only as you push out for the glorious release of gas no air comes out. It is all solids and liquids and starts running down your leg.

Now you have to stop and go find a discreet place to use your fishing rag, after dunking in the canal water, to wipe yourself down so you don't smell like a bum when you get to your next stop. Then you have to get rid of the fishing rag because it is now contaminated with your intestinal distress pudding.

[dogfish]

10 facts about poop

[hookset]

Then you have to get rid of the fishing rag because it is now contaminated with your intestinal distress pudding.

Good one dogfish. One of the sickest terms I have ever read used to describe explosive diarrhea.

[cowherder]

rofl!

[seamonkey]

I think the toilets in China should get all time recognition for its uniqueness. Here are some I read today crazy stuff.
http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...before-fishing

I also stopped at Wawa for the mega large cup o joe to keep the edge on when fishing. Big mistake. Within 1 hour when I was out searching for the weakies my stomach started grumbling. I found an abandoned trash filled Sandy house lot (no public toilets for miles where I was - I'll rant on that in another thread). The battle in my stomach got real bad. I had no tp so I had to use a fishing rag and it was not pretty. I barely was able to get my drawers down before Mt Vesuvious erupted. Glad I was close to the water because I needed to make one trip there to wet the rag to clean things up.
Moral of the story - do not eat from an unknown greasy spoon restaurant where you never ate before and top it off with Wawa coffee on a night when you are out fishing in an area that doesn't have too many public toilets.

.Well its 5am i get out after a long walk to the waters edge make a few casts and all of a sudden i get this ungoddly feeling in my stomach that felt like a 5 gallon bucket of lava was gonna erupt out of me...Knowing what was coming i started to make my way to the nearest bathroom(that wasnt very close at all)SO i was about to blow and barley got my waders and pants off and made it just in the nick of time....Best part was i was so mad that i had walked all the way out and then all the back that i wasnt going to do the walk again so i decided to hit a beach that had a very short walk...Well that duece saved my day cause 1st cast i hooked up and then caught 7 more after that....hahaha it doesnt ever work like that but i guess that poop saved the day for me!!!!Went home happy not smelling like the skunk or a pile of S***!!!

This is hilarious!
Mt Vesuvius and Poop saving the day! LOLing at these posts gents they are funny as hell!

[dogfish]

They crouch over the hole.....its like 2 inch diameter...In the center of a bigger oval hole...I do not think they have good aim...this one I don't think had running water...or a trickle at most, there were like 12 of them.
I am thinking that's how it goes here, have seen it on other trips to other places in China.

I had a visual in my head after reading this. Don't think I ever want to visit China.

[Monty]

I had a visual in my head after reading this. Don't think I ever want to visit China.

I don't want to go back either.
Its very disgusting.
But given the opportunity, I will purchase stock in a company that makes and sells toilets in China.
Because when they figure out they can actually rest there *** on a bowl shape when they take a crap,I believe they will sell billions of toilets.
But I also think their "waste" removal technology may need a tweak or two.