Most embarassing crap story

[Shaky]

Hey Shaky, long time no speak. How are ya?

Doing okay, been out of work for some time now while I upgraded the body. Got me some new hips and cleaned up the knees a bit. May run some stuff by you in the near future. I need to finish what I started

[Monty]

The native gulls terns and pelicans came out of nowhere and from a distance this certainly could have been mistaken for a blitz. These birds loved eating ****. Who knew


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Welcome Shaky, great first post

[storminsteve]

Shaky that is a Pooplitzer prize winning story.
Welcome to stripers & anglers. Look forward to seeing more like that.

[jonthepain]

Doing okay, been out of work for some time now while I upgraded the body. Got me some new hips and cleaned up the knees a bit. May run some stuff by you in the near future. I need to finish what I started

bring it on; i got laid off yesterday from my architectural gig so I'm going back into publishing again full-bore.

glad your upgrade went well. guess you're a regular Lee Majors now!

[gjb1969]

man dark look at what hank and i started we will have to come up with some new ones i think there some good one up here

[storminsteve]

I
The birds were everywhere first a gull then a tern and then a pelican all partaking in the happy meal. I had a fish eye view of this avian feeding frenzy and frankly the pelicans were coming a little too close for comfort. I was sure my secret was out, but I regained my composure and put some distance between me the birds and the chum slick. They hung around for awhile feasting on the little turds, then disappeared when the last nuggets were eaten and the sea was quiet once again.

I just read that story again. Happy meal? I was eating a late dinner reading that, who describes little turds as a happy meal? Fantastic character development there and an epic story, dude.

[Shaky]

I just read that story again. Happy meal? I was eating a late dinner reading that, who describes little turds as a happy meal? Fantastic character development there and an epic story, dude.

McDonalds, duh.

[jonthepain]

who describes little turds as a happy meal?

McDonalds, duh.

rofl!

boy some days they just tee em up for ya

[storminsteve]

McDonalds, duh.

I know about the Mcdonalds happy meals.
My point was that I never heard of anyone equating a Happy Meal with little brown turds, did that come from smoking medicinal herbs or does that kind of thinking come naturally?

Either way it's evil genius, totally sick thinking.

[Shaky]

I know about the Mcdonalds happy meals.
My point was that I never heard of anyone equating a Happy Meal with little brown turds, did that come from smoking medicinal herbs or does that kind of thinking come naturally?

Either way it's evil genius, totally sick thinking.

No herb. I've told the story numerous times and never referred to the turds as happy meals. Writing is different. I wrote this a few years ago for a crapping thread on another site. It was buried fifteen pages in. My thinking is twisted, but I can't turn the writing on like everyone would like. That's why the thread went fifteen pages before I jumped in. It just pops into my head and then it's gone. Hard to explain.

The birds seemed real happy with them, you could tell by their chirping, really a no brainer. Probably had half the bull sharks in Naples circling underneath as well.

[albiealert]

It just pops into my head and then it's gone. Hard to explain.

The birds seemed real happy with them, you could tell by their chirping, really a no brainer. Probably had half the bull sharks in Naples circling underneath as well.

That's the best crapping story I have seen hands down. This could be part of a sitcom, the saga of the travelling fisherman.

[bababooey]

That's the best crapping story I have seen hands down. This could be part of a sitcom, the saga of the travelling fisherman.

If you put together half the characters on this site, (with me included of course ) you would have a series more worthwhile watching than the Bill Dance videos. It would be goofy, sick, and a blast all at the same time. You could even throw in a fish or 2. Anyone know any hollywood producers?
Welcome to the site Shaky. I look forward to more stories like that.

[bababooey]

bump for one of the funniest threads on the site.

[hookset]

Talk about some crappy days! lol

[DarkSkies]

Joe, a friend of mine, started a thread elsewhere.....some funny stuff, thought you people would appreciate it.....


How to Crap at the Beach....101....courtesy of Joe Lamberty......

LOL ,Do you bring a liner and T. P. Phil... Too ? When I had my Grady White I made everyone poop in the bucket, I had a porta potty on the boat but , poop made the cuddy cabin stink!!! And no one could hit the bulls eye including me offshore. So the bucket always got the call.

WAAAAAAAAAY TMI Joe....

LOL - A bucket and a roll of paper towels is at the top of my list of things to bring surf fishing.After 3 cups of coffee and a Wawa breakfast sandwich I need them.

Been there done that.........

I would never do a #2 in my bucket though. I prefer to dig a hole on the beach next to a high dune. As for toilet paper I don't even bother. I always have a rag on my bucket that I use to take the clam and bunker slime off my hands after cutting bait. After a soak in salt water that rag is sanitized and ready to substitute as toilet paper. I will tell you from experience that there is nothing more refreshing than dropping a deuce on an open beach. It is such a clean feeling.

Don't be that guy. Take care of your morning ritual and don't let it poop on the sunrise bite.

You too, Tidewalker.....WAAAAAAY TMI....I'm so glad you didn't go any further after you told us how fresh and clean it feels......

I've been there. Food in the morning gets me every time.

Food, fishin all night, energy drinks.....anyone ever add Spicy Spanish food to the mix?

Ever try and " Squat and Squirt " ? Most times you get something in those. Waders you really don't want or you tip over into something, or at the very least you get sand in the crack.

Better off finding a hole in a jetty and marking your spot....then when some disrespecful mook comes out to mug ya and ends up standing and casting 3 feet from ya without even saying hello.....when he finally says "Man something stinks like A SS out here!".....you can point to where you made your deposit and say......"Yup, ain't it beautiful!!!"

** Note if you really like to fish alone at all times, practice this technique over and over...







Had to bring these gems out to the 2nd page, Joe, some of em are priceless...Good stuff, guys..

[williehookem]

LOL! Dude I hope you are only playing with us and you would not crap in a hole in the jetty thats sick!

[DarkSkies]

^^ Willie, this thread is for entertainment purposes only. A lot of the stuff we put out there about me, may be embellished....but truth be told....I'm getting older...memory is fading....I may or may not have done something like that in the past.

[bababooey]

OOFAh!

[basshunter]

rofl funny thanks!

[dogfish]

I first visited Florida in 1980. My buddy Sonny had given me a tour of some of the beaches and parks and the thing that impressed me the most was the cleanliness of the bathrooms. I can't be sure if they were well maintained or just not used very often, but every one that I went into was spotless.

I moved down in the fall of 85 and started longlining out of Pompano beach. A few months later they were rebuilding the docks and our whole fleet fished out of Naples for the next few months. Naples was a lovely place and at the time had the highest per capita income in the country.

Some time in the mid winter a group of us stopped into the local diner for some breakfast. The guys went back to their boats while i decided to take a look at the Naples pier. I wached a guy at the end of the pier nailing some small drum so i sat back and enjoyed the show and the sun. Unfortunately my relaxation would be cut short as my insides started growling and nature called.

I knew I wouldn't make it back to the marina in time, so I stopped into the mens room on the pier. I figured no problem, never saw an outhouse in Florida I didn't like. What I found when I walked through the door was the most disgusting bathroom I had ever seen in the Sunshine state and to add insult to injury no door on the stall.

I ran off the pier and started jogging down the beach. A few snowbirds sunbathing, but no one swimming. I ran about 200 yards form the pier, kicked off my sneakers and took off my shirt and dove in. I swam out a ways, out of eyesight from the sun bathers, dropped my shorts and let loose. There's a first time for everything and this was my first "in the water expulsion". Any thoughts of secrecy were quickly dashed as the expectant log was no where to be seen. Instead I had a bad case of the squirts and a brown stain rose up around me. Normally cool when the going gets tough, I started to freak out and tried to backstroke my way out of that cesspool as I was completely enveloped in ****. Wouldn't want to swallow any tainted water accidently doing the breast stroke or the crawl.

My kicking only made things worse as I was completely engulfed in the brown water. I was panicing and can only imagine the look of horror that came over my face, I was swimming in ****.

I let loose again and repeated the performance as seemingly hundreds of little brown bits surrounded me and I had hoped that I had distanced myself far enough away from the pier and beach that my frantic thrashing and discolored water would go unseen. While the people on the pier and snowbirds on the beach may have been oblivious to my plight, my actions had not gone unnoticed. The native gulls terns and pelicans came out of nowhere and from a distance this certainly could have been mistaken for a blitz. These birds loved eating ****. Who knew

The birds were everywhere first a gull then a tern and then a pelican all partaking in the happy meal. I had a fish eye view of this avian feeding frenzy and frankly the pelicans were coming a little too close for comfort. I was sure my secret was out, but I regained my composure and put some distance between me the birds and the chum slick. They hung around for awhile feasting on the little turds, then disappeared when the last nuggets were eaten and the sea was quiet once again.

As soon as I got out of the mess I threw on my shorts and switched from the back stroke to a freestyle and kept swimming up the beach. When I was away from the scene of the crime and no folks in sight I swam ashore and headed back to the marina. I'll never know for sure if anyone was the wiser but somebody had to have figured it out I changed into some dry clothes and went back later on for my shirt and sneakers.

You know, I never did fish that pier
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I remember reading that years ago shaky, good one!