Most embarassing crap story

[Monty]

http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...Stuff-freedoms

A couple other differences in China.

The bath room was so disgusting my *ss puckered up and refused to $hit. Was unreal bad. A bunch of holes in the ground with maybe a trickle of water and $hit splattered about. I must be getting old, I have been around these bathrooms before years ago, but was completely disgusted this time.
Will do best to schedule, also need to bring TP in case of emergency as there was none around.

Bottled water, not available in the factory, went 11 hours today without water (brought nutrition bars with me but the splattered $hit disgusted me so much I could only eat one). Stopped on way back to hotel and the people I am working for bought me a case of water (they are very nice people).

Hotel is very modern. Extremely clean. Have no idea why the have glass clear doors and walls inside the room, like to go to the bathroom its a see through glass door that is always closed or when open blocks a hall. Hard to see in the dimmed room....plus they have energy efficient lighting....the whole room is dimmed, that oldness makes it very difficult to see in a dimmed room. Plus motion sensors....everything is turning on and off automatically....I sit up and a light goes on..stuff just turns off.
And last night fireworks went off 30 yards straight out from my window (I'm on 18th floor). That was a surprise.

So far a decent trip.

[Monty]

They don't have toilets? How do you aim when you take a dump?

They crouch over the hole.....its like 2 inch diameter...In the center of a bigger oval hole...I do not think they have good aim...this one I don't think had running water...or a trickle at most, there were like 12 of them.
I am thinking that's how it goes here, have seen it on other trips to other places in China.

[dogfish]

^^^^^^ that is so disgusting monty. Glad I had my lunch before reading that.
Here is one for you all -

You pull an all nighter. The fish are in the canal. An hour before sunrise you are following the tide as you hop on your bicycle to get to the next spot. You feel like you have to fart. You remember all the coffee and bad food you ate that night but make a brave attempt to let one out as you get on the bike so the smell will stay behind you. Only as you push out for the glorious release of gas no air comes out. It is all solids and liquids and starts running down your leg.

Now you have to stop and go find a discreet place to use your fishing rag, after dunking in the canal water, to wipe yourself down so you don't smell like a bum when you get to your next stop. Then you have to get rid of the fishing rag because it is now contaminated with your intestinal distress pudding.

[dogfish]

10 facts about poop

[dogfish]

They crouch over the hole.....its like 2 inch diameter...In the center of a bigger oval hole...I do not think they have good aim...this one I don't think had running water...or a trickle at most, there were like 12 of them.
I am thinking that's how it goes here, have seen it on other trips to other places in China.

I had a visual in my head after reading this. Don't think I ever want to visit China.

[Monty]

I had a visual in my head after reading this. Don't think I ever want to visit China.

I don't want to go back either.
Its very disgusting.
But given the opportunity, I will purchase stock in a company that makes and sells toilets in China.
Because when they figure out they can actually rest there *** on a bowl shape when they take a crap,I believe they will sell billions of toilets.
But I also think their "waste" removal technology may need a tweak or two.

[hookset]

Because when they figure out they can actually rest there *** on a bowl shape when they take a crap,I believe they will sell billions of toilets.
But I also think their "waste" removal technology may need a tweak or two.

You think? lol. It's a wonder half the population doesn't get e-coli related illnessees. Funny thread fellas.

[hookset]

Then you have to get rid of the fishing rag because it is now contaminated with your intestinal distress pudding.

Good one dogfish. One of the sickest terms I have ever read used to describe explosive diarrhea.

[cowherder]

rofl!

[seamonkey]

I think the toilets in China should get all time recognition for its uniqueness. Here are some I read today crazy stuff.
http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/...before-fishing

I also stopped at Wawa for the mega large cup o joe to keep the edge on when fishing. Big mistake. Within 1 hour when I was out searching for the weakies my stomach started grumbling. I found an abandoned trash filled Sandy house lot (no public toilets for miles where I was - I'll rant on that in another thread). The battle in my stomach got real bad. I had no tp so I had to use a fishing rag and it was not pretty. I barely was able to get my drawers down before Mt Vesuvious erupted. Glad I was close to the water because I needed to make one trip there to wet the rag to clean things up.
Moral of the story - do not eat from an unknown greasy spoon restaurant where you never ate before and top it off with Wawa coffee on a night when you are out fishing in an area that doesn't have too many public toilets.

.Well its 5am i get out after a long walk to the waters edge make a few casts and all of a sudden i get this ungoddly feeling in my stomach that felt like a 5 gallon bucket of lava was gonna erupt out of me...Knowing what was coming i started to make my way to the nearest bathroom(that wasnt very close at all)SO i was about to blow and barley got my waders and pants off and made it just in the nick of time....Best part was i was so mad that i had walked all the way out and then all the back that i wasnt going to do the walk again so i decided to hit a beach that had a very short walk...Well that duece saved my day cause 1st cast i hooked up and then caught 7 more after that....hahaha it doesnt ever work like that but i guess that poop saved the day for me!!!!Went home happy not smelling like the skunk or a pile of S***!!!

This is hilarious!
Mt Vesuvius and Poop saving the day! LOLing at these posts gents they are funny as hell!

[surfstix1963]

You guys are a pissa (well Shitters)I never eat anything other then toast and coffee.I've been in some dire situations over the years so I know where your coming from.I don't walk anymore so I never leave home without the bucket fitted with a toilet seat and heavy bag for old man comfort and always keep a few rolls of TP in the truck.One thing I learned don't eat in NJ greasy spoons.No wonder Dark is sleeping in portable crappers

[vpass]

Lol, been there also. I have used my tee shirt one time and news paper another. not funny then, but now its a funny gross story.

[basshunter]

haha this is so funny and disturbing at the same time!

[jigfreak]

Lol, been there also. I have used my tee shirt one time and news paper another. not funny then, but now its a funny gross story.

Been there done that. Don't eat at white castle or tacobell the night before they tend to give you the squirts.

[fishgutz]

haha this is so funny and disturbing at the same time!

My thoughts exactly. Spit my coffee out reading some of these!

[dogfish]

I have one from valentines day. For the esteemed romance holiday of all time, i was burning the midnight oil in the man cave fixing a few things on the honey do list. My idea was I would get up in the morning and have all the items she was nagging me to fix lined up in the living room. I did a great job on them and the honey do list is now down to nothing.

Unfortunately staying up all night took its toll on me. I was dog tired. I went to McD's in the morning and got 4 large coffees so I could stay awake for the day. I drank 2 of them after they cooled down. Disclaimer for the folks out there that McDs coffee is still hot, but less hot after the lawsuit that a-hole lady filed. Right before the wife and I we were leaving the house for a day of fun. I scarfed down 2 more. This was all on an empty stomach. Or I should say lack of real food. I had spent the night before snacking on pretzels and beer.

We left our house with the local diner being the first stop, just 10 minutes away. Within 2 minutes of leaving I felt the ol familiar rumbling in my stomach. It seemed Mt Vesuvius was getting ready to erupt . Ol Mt Vesuvius has been pretty unreliable as to the timing as I get older. Could I hold it in till I made it to the diner, which might be crowded for the Valentines day rush? Probably not.

I decided the best course of action was to tell wifey I thought I left the propane heater on in the garage and had to make a quick pit stop. As we were pulling in the driveway I had to sneeze. Well, you folks know the rest. The sneeze was so powerful that Vesuvius could not be stifled. Ended up with expulsions coming out from both ends. Very wet and embarrassing. Luckily at that point I was exiting the truck, and told wifey I would be back in a jiff.

I walked to the house with liquid crap seeping out my drawers and running down my inside pants leg. You guys who have had this happen, you know the feeling. Not pretty.

Made it inside the back door, grabbed some towels. Thankfully the kids were all away for the weekend. The wife was occupied in the truck playing some silly game on her phone so I knew I had a few minutes before she would start to wonder. I immediately stripped naked in front of the washing machine and threw everything in there. Man it was not a pretty sight. The inside of my drawers and pants looked like a crime scene. Wiped the evidence off my legs and butt with the towel as best I could. You could imagine how bad I stunk. The eruption had been epic. Turned on the wash machine, poured lots of liquid tide in there, and on to the next stage.

Ran upstairs, grabbed some good clean clothes, and was in the bathroom. Soaped up the areas that had been tainted by the liquid outburst, quick rinse, and I was outta there.
Got dressed and started to hear wifey beeping the horn outside. Was back out in the truck in record time, maybe 11 minutes total.

When she asked why the new duds and why my hair was wet, I already had an answer ready-
"Honey today was such a special day for us. I realized the clothes I was wearing were not the best, and I wanted to look better for our special day together."

She bought it hook, line, and sinker, and we set off back to the Diner. Life is good.

[surferman]

OMG that was too funny! Thanks for sharing.

[Monty]

We left our house with the local diner being the first stop, just 10 minutes away. Within 2 minutes of leaving I felt the ol familiar rumbling in my stomach. It seemed Mt Vesuvius was getting ready to erupt . The eruption had been epic. .

First crap story of 2016, a doosie. Congrats!!
Well that is likely not an exaggeration of epic.

[cowherder]

LOLOL! Spit my coffee out on the keyboard as I was reading it! Fantastic job dogfish that was hilarious!

[lostatsea]

Thanks for the share. Funny as sh*t - no pun intended!