The Cancer thread: Cancer, early warning signs, and detection

[Doublerunner]

*** I didn't even know what to say. A very close friend just called to tell me he may have cancer. Will find out more next week. I don't know what to do besides pray and hope

[clamchucker]

I don't know what to do besides pray and hope

Sorry to hear that. You can keep in contact with him and try to cheer him up when he is down. You can't change whether he will live or die, only God has a say in that. You can continue to be a good friend to him. Don't avoid him and take the time to listen to him. Good luck.

[BassBuddah]

Sorry to hear the news DR, hope it doesn't turn out too bad.

[jigfreak]

Hang in there dude.

[Shaky]

I know you went through a lot. You would make a good national spokesman for the Cancer Society. You shoot from the hip and pull no punches. Thanks for sharing that, Steve.

I don't know if the ACS is ready for me. I think i could handle a bigger stage given the chance, but I believe people prefer listening to celebrities. They see them at the movies,at the ballpark or on TV and they feel like they know them.

*** I didn't even know what to say. A very close friend just called to tell me he may have cancer. Will find out more next week. I don't know what to do besides pray and hope

Having been on both sides of the fence I've found your side tougher. Having gone through all the crap I now have a better perspective, as this was my first serious illness and first surgery.

From a patients perspective, I'm not dead yet, stop acting like you're at a funeral or a wake. If I need help and you're a good friend I'll probably ask for it. Don't feed me some bs like "if I need anything call" if you don't mean it. As I said before i always hated hearing the words "sorry to hear that". I would normally lead the conversation in the direction i wanted it to go. Much easier on the friends and family members. If i heard those words my response was usually, "if you're not laughing within the next few minutes I'm hanging up the phone". Trust me i had them laughing. If you normally call once a week, keep it up. Don't need to hear from you every day. I suppose most people with family and friends get a hell of a lot more calls when they're sick. After awhile they get tired of answering the same questions over and over.

As a friend I believe it's your job to bring a little normalcy back to my life. I know I'm sick. The reason i know this is because i have a team of doctors, nurses, chemists and nuclear physicists telling me I'm sick and their treatments are probably bringing me as close to death as they can without killing me. If my body wasn't telling me i was sick before, it probably is now. If I don't feel like talking I won't and if I do feel like talking, talk about whatever it is we talked about before, fishing, hunting, sports, women, work suck it up and stop whining.

Hope this helps

[Pebbles]

I was glad to read your post shaky. When my sister was sick, I always felt as if she needed a break from the constant questions. I thought it was important that she had chance to not "think about the cancer". I am sure it was always on her mind. Yet it gives me a small bit of comfort that I was able to bring her mind some relief. I often wondered it I made the right choice. Once diagnosed she lived three months.

[Shaky]

I was glad to read your post shaky. When my sister was sick, I always felt as if she needed a break from the constant questions. I thought it was important that she had chance to not "think about the cancer". I am sure it was always on her mind. Yet it gives me a small bit of comfort that I was able to bring her mind some relief. I often wondered it I made the right choice. Yes Once diagnosed she lived three months.

I figure most people go through the same things. There's the what would i do if they told me I had X amount of time to live thinking. When the diagnosis comes in all those things you may have said So you go through a stage of feeling sorry for yourself, woe is me, what did i do to deserve this, I'm not ready to die etc.

Closest thing to that feeling was watching the trade center from across the river on 9-11. Real kick in the gut that stayed with you for awhile.

You spend some sleepless nights, while getting prepped for a battery of tests. Still haven't told a sole other than my brother and sister in law. Want all the facts first. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, I started seeing the humor in it. I suppose it's like public speaking where you imagine your audience naked. Laughing is easy. I could laugh all day without getting tired. Worrying and crying is stressful. Choice is easy for me, find a way to keep laughing.

You start getting calls and e-mails, people telling you how brave you are and what courage you have. Perhaps by definition, but I saw nothing courageous in my actions. I didn't choose to have cancer. It's not like running into a burning building to save someone. I had two choices, do nothing and eventually die. Get treatment and surgery and hopefully extend my life. Real tough choice there. I don't consider myself particularly brave, but this was a no brainer. I'm sure most people just sort of kick it into survival mode and do what it takes. You find the strength. The humor is something else. I think i'm just different, I managed to find the lighter side in all my tests treatments and surgeries and rather than avoid the subject, i just turned it into a comedy routine all i needed was an audience.

The worst feeling in the world is laying in the hospital bed with your parents looking on and you can see the pain in their eyes, but no matter how hard i tried, no matter how hard we laughed i could never make that pain go away.

Now I'll let you in on a little secret. That angler of the month story, with the swordfish slicing me up That was my incisional hernia repair. Direct result of my colon resection, the muscles just came apart and they had to open me up again. I knew those pictures would come in handy one day. Don't be mad it's just the way I cope with things

cheers

steve

[seamonkey]

From a patients perspective, I'm not dead yet, stop acting like you're at a funeral or a wake. If I need help and you're a good friend I'll probably ask for it. Don't feed me some bs like "if I need anything call" if you don't mean it. As I said before i always hated hearing the words "sorry to hear that".

That's the first thing I usually say when I know someone is in trouble. Thanks for straightening those issues out. I would never have known that.

[storminsteve]

Great info there shaky, thank you! Hope you continue to remain cancer free. Angler of the month story was interesting. No worries. Thanks for sharing.

[Shaky]

From a patients perspective, I'm not dead yet, stop acting like you're at a funeral or a wake. If I need help and you're a good friend I'll probably ask for it. Don't feed me some bs like "if I need anything call" if you don't mean it. As I said before i always hated hearing the words "sorry to hear that".

That's the first thing I usually say when I know someone is in trouble. Thanks for straightening those issues out. I would never have known that.

Look, I march to a slightly different beat. Some people like being stroked and coddled. I'm not one of them. I let my sister in law cook for me while i was getting my treatments. All her kids were away at school so i think it did her more good than it did me. She needed someone to take care of and staying with them was convenient for me as the clinics were right around the corner. Six weeks of that and we got to know each other a little better. just kidding

My mother wanted to help. I stayed with her a week and went nuts. She meant well, but she doesn't understand the meaning of the word no. No, I'm not hungry. No I don't want any more food. Please don't hover over me, etc. I don't want to sound like an ingrate, but i just can't handle the constant attention.

As far as the help, i've been let down in the past. I seldom ask anyone for help, so if you tell me you'll be there, don't be shining me on. A few acquaintances offered help, I called on one or two and they were there when i needed them.

As far as the "sorry to hear that" I suppose it's the right thing to say, but it just bugs the hell out of me