Political humor: Political jokes, satire, political photoshops, bumper stickers, etc

[stripermania]

President

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks.

Let me hear an A A A A M E N !!!!
Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
Once in a while, a cartoon comes around that absolutely hits the nail on the head.

[DarkSkies]

A Washington DC airport ticket agency offers some examples of 'why' the USA is
in trouble!

1.I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman (Carol Shea-Porter) ask for an
aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the
window. (On an airplane!)

2.I got a call from a Kansas Congressman's (Moore) staffer (Howard
Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length
of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me
with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in
Massachusetts .''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, '' Cape Cod
is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''

his response -- click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman (Bernie Sanders) called, furious about a
Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in
Orlando . He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried t o
explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the
state.

He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very
thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it
possible to see England from Canada ?''

I said, ''No.''

She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5.An aide for a cabinet member(Janet Napolitano) once called and asked
if he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and
noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he
wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and
we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6.An Illinois Congresswoman (Jan Schakowsky) called last week. She
needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at
8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.

I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she
couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the
plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker, (Jerrold Nadler) called and asked, ''Do airlines
put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage
belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'

he replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag
on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very
rude!''

After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was
dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno ,
Ca. is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a
destination tag on his luggage.

8. A Senator John Kerry aide (Lindsay Ross) called to inquire about a
trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked,
''Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to
Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, Bobby Bright
(D) from Ala who asked, ''How do I know which plane to get on?''

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my
flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. Senator Dianne Feinstein (D)
called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to
get on one of those little computer planes?''

I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.

She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. Mary Landrieu (D) La. Senator called and had a question about the
documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy
discussion about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh,
no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of
those.''

I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told
her this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time
they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Jersey Congressman ( John Adler) called to make reservations,
''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ..''

I was at a loss for words.. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the
name of the town?''

'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.

After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up
every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."

''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is.
Check your map!''

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You
don't mean Buffalo , do you?''

The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal..''



Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!


And this is my personal experience (one of many) of why education is the way it is: When I was a High School Principal
I enagaged a new teacher with a MA from Columbia University in conversation. She was a history major. I asked her about WW2 in the Pacific. The response: The United States dropped an atomic bomb on Japan, so they had to defend themselves by attacking Pearl Harbor.

Now you know why education is in trouble!

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks.





I am appalled that so many of my friends are against the mosque near Ground Zero. We should allow it in order to promote tolerance.


I propose that a gay nightclub be opened next door to the mosque to promote tolerance in the mosque. We could call it "The Turban Cowboy" or "You Mecca Me Hot".


Next door could be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and across the street a very daring lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret”.


A friend of mine just started a business making land mines that look like prayer mats.


It's doing well.


He says prophets are going through the Roof!!!

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks.




JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for acup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there honey! How's about gettin' me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, " Don 't touch me ... I'm collecting disability!"

[jigfreak]

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A friend of mine just started a business making land mines that look like prayer mats.


It's doing well.


He says prophets are going through the Roof!!!

The Muslim clerics are a bunch of fanatics anyway. While some of them may be ok, ask yourself how many of them were investigated for terrorist connections or bombing connections. Truth is stranger than fiction.

[DarkSkies]

Sent in by OGB, thanks.


Subject: Do you think this guy's fed up?









Just thinkin,,,,,, The guy or girl who owns this truck may not be an Obama Fan!