February 11, 2009

Immunity

We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again:
"Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic."
Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety,
we are in a short time as bad as ever.
If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind
nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol.

Reprinted from Alcoholics Anonymous [First Edition], Page 41

Thought to Ponder....

If we want to quit drinking, we are going to have to quit
drinking.




This is a good topic for today, especially in light of that Jon shared yesterday. When I was in rehab, they told me of the progression that would happen if I were to stop, and start again. What the heck did these people know, were they the recovery police? How the heck could they be so sure?

So I really didn't believe it until it was demonstrated painfully for me through some people I knew.

A prime example of this was my friend Frankie. He went to the same school I did. When I first walked into the rooms, I saw him and his friend J there. I said you guys were the biggest burnouts I knew, man I can't believe you're in here! They laughed, and said they thought the same thing about me, and were glad I made it in.

In the beginning of my recovery, we hung out together, and sometimes went to the same AA dances, tried to hook up with the chicks there, and had fun, just like back in high school. These 2 guys were an inspiration to everyone. They worked their program, got their lives back on track, and helped a bunch of people.

Gradually in our recovery, we went to less meetings, different meetings, and saw each other less. I next ran into Frankie 5 years after that, when I picked him up hitchhiking one day. He looked bad, I could tell he was getting high again. I gave him my # and said to call me if he wanted to hit a meeting sometime. He said yeah, but I had the feeling he never would. I heard a few months later that he was dead.

One of the last people to see him alive was G, a guy who had helped me in my darkest hours by getting me into rehab. He also tried to help Frankie, but as Frankie was being admitted, he went to the bathroom before he was searched, shot up, and died soon after. He was so close to getting his life back, but it was too late.

Another interrelated story concerns G. This guy was active in the programs over 30 years after his own battles with alcohol. He was a notable figure in the recovery community, ans helped many people on the beginning path back to sanity. However, he had a son who hung out with my brother. The kid was in 5 or 6 rehabs, and still out on the streets causing trouble. Every time, you would hope for the best for him when you saw him after getting out of the latest rehab. He talked a good story, but loved alcohol and drugs more. Everyone around knew how bad he was, and how much in denial he was. Looking back, maybe he should have been sent to GOD's (Geraldine O' Delaney's) program, but for some reason he wasn't. As bad as he was, it probably would not have made a difference anyway.

All I know is that his Dad, G, tried his best to use all the resources and connections he had to help his only son. Yet nothing he did worked because his son didn't want the help, and each time the progression got worse.

This is the concept of powerlessness coming back to punch you in the face.

You would think that as much as G knew about recovery, it would be enough to help his son start a new life. But it wasn't. It must have been heartbreaking for that father to watch his son slowly dying, nothing at all he could do. It wa sad for me to watch too. When the son eventually died, I went to the funeral. Kid was 25, looked like he was 60, one of the worst corpses I had ever seen.


So the above 2 examples were very powerful illustrations to me what happens with the progression. As I said before, I know in my heart I can handle one drink, or one joint, or one of anything else. But what happens after that, when I decide it's not enough??

Sometimes the mistakes of others is what it takes for us to learn. Its extremely sad people have to die to illustrate this point, Jon. It is what it is.

Your reminiscing got to me, and thinking about the people who have helped me in so many areas of my recovery. Might be time to pay another visit to G, and see how he's doin. I know that stuff was bothering you, jon. I got some other stories like yours I'll share in another post, but this post is too loing already. Thanks for sharing, man, you helped me think about some people I haven't thought about for while. And who knows how many lurkers you may have helped with your honesty.