One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

oh i know it's worth it... it's just that sometimes, i don't give a dam. but it passes, it passes.

i know you'll love me either way - thanks for all the support over the years!

you the man

God bless

jc

Of course we love ya either way....
(we're scared that if we don't ya'll come to our houses ahd shoot us with one of those redneck weapons.....:laugh:
:kiss: :HappyWave:)


As for being the man, the only man I resemble right now is a Grouchy Old Man, till I get my car back....
I think I've been around Finchaser for too long...:argue:
.I think if we started a school for Grouchy Basstards, I could teach a course or 2.....





Hey Rich, Congrats on 100 pages for this thread!

Way to get the word out.

Hey Jon, I try but don't want all that credit....this thread is partially me posting the words of others, and all the members who have been able to jump in and comment over the years...whether they are alcoholics or not...all have contributed to make this a great thread.....
A Non-Fishing Thread....on a Fishing Website...that has the most views of any thread here...who woulda thunk it?

Thank you for all your contributions Jon, you really add some redneck color to this site....(you know I'm just kidding)....Wish I hit the lottery so I could make both our lives better...but in the meantime, a day being poor and sober, has more clarity and honor than being a drunk.....:thumbsup:











Thanks for the kind words...
I temporaily lost the website e-mail that used to send me these daily readings...if any one finds the link before I do, please let me know, would appreciate it...thanks....

[DarkSkies]

I found another site for the daily readings.
It's called www.intherooms.com (http://www.intherooms.com)


All the things I post for now will come from the daily readings.
Check them out when you get a chance, if you have an interest in that kind of stuff.....:thumbsup:



Today's Reading:

Taking vs. Receiving

http://media.intherooms.com/images/digest_email/meditation/meditation-211.jpg

There is a vast difference between taking and receiving. There is a way of receiving that is also giving. When I can receive, I act as a willing container for another person's gift. I validate the giver's act of giving and acknowledge his or her generosity. This benefits both the giver and the receiver in equal measure, both are enriched and neither overly depleted.

When I take, I do not acknowledge the gift - rather, I put in the purse of my being that which I want, then snap it shut and go off to take again, hoping that no one notices. This leaves both parties wanting - the giver feels she has been manipulated into giving whether wanting to or not; and the taker - because without receiving a person never really fills up - just continues to feel empty.


I can acknowledge a gift; I can receive.








Developing the muscles of the soul demands no competitive spirit, no killer instinct, although it may erect pain barriers that the spiritual athlete must crash through.
Germaine Greer













*****
The above has meaning to me because some of the best friendships I have now, are with people I didn't know 15 years ago. As life runs its course, I think we periodically need to sweep the "takers" out of our lives. We become comfortable with certain people in "legacy" relationships, and as a result, may have some folks in our lives, where we are the ones doing the giving, and they are constantly doing the taking.

My brusqueness and bluntness with some people is noticable at times....

Because I have developed an inner sense of who is likely to be a taker....
and who is more equal in relationships, willing to give as well as receive.


So I have gradually weeded the "takers" out of my life....
Much like a garden, where if you don't weed it regularly, it becomes overgrown....

I think to some extent, modern society encourages taking rather than giving....
Many of us are apathetic about getting involved in something, or helping someone, unless we feel it affects us directly.
I suppose that's human nature...but those aren't the lessons I learned when I was growing up...

And at the very least, some of us have forgotten old-fashioned manners, such as saying a sincere "Thank you!" to others when they help us....some of the best friendships I now have, are because I learned the value of expressing my gratitude for the generosity extended to me.










I would like to thank the folks at www.intherooms.com (http://www.intherooms.com) for their daily meditations......
And hopefully can give back something to them by turning some on to that site....

[DarkSkies]

Anniversary --
My yearly one was July 9th, wanted to mention it before the month is done...

I had wanted to say something when the date came around. but was looking for my exact sobriety date....
And I'm not sure if it was 28, 29, or 30 years ago....:bucktooth:









There was a lot of administrating I was doing here that took up too much time...
So I've put that spare time into being out there fishing, :fishing: instead....

I have slacked off on a lot of things, here....:o

I do appreciate those who have taken up that slack, and wanted to thank all of ya's for your efforts...:clapping: :clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping:
For without your efforts this site wouldn't be as good as it is.....




Still wanted to find an online certificate for Jonthepain's Anniversary. :clapping::thumbsup: :thumbsup:..and some other tasks which have fallen by the wayside....Jon I hope you know how proud I am of ya, and everyone else who manages to celebrate a Sobriety Date Anniversary.........
:clapping: :clapping: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:


Too many people have died from this disease.....
I have known several of them personally, friends over the years.....
They are now gone....

I pray for them, and hopefully in reaching out to the struggling alcoholics and addicts, some more will be encouraged to come "Into the Rooms" to get the help they need.....


Remember all who are reading this....
The help is there...
But you have to want it...
And most importantly, ASK for it.....:thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[cowherder]

:clapping::clapping::clapping:Many congratualtions dark! It must be hard to stay straight that long. Great discipline!

[storminsteve]

Kudos dark, and hopes for many more.:thumbsup:

[wish4fish]

haha you bin on the wagon longer then i bin alive, lol!:clapping:
ill have a drink to toast you the next time im at the gogorama,srlsly good deal dude! come down to the ggr one nite and ill buy u a soda, coke or gingerale yur choice!

[clamchucker]

Best wishes on many more dark skies. Thank you for all you do.

[DarkSkies]

^^Thank you all for the kind words. And an extra thanks for all that you all....do....:HappyWave:


Reading for today from ITR.com

Simple Pleasures

http://media.intherooms.com/images/digest_email/meditation/meditation-224.jpg
I have simple tastes, I am easy to please. Today I will not pound my fist on the table of life demanding more from it than I am willing to give to it. When I can take pleasure in ordinary things and joy from everyday experience, life fills me, feels satisfying. This attitude allows me to use what I have. I recognize that it is not what I have but how I value and enjoy it that generates happiness.

[jonthepain]

Congrats on your anniversary, my brother. Keep up the good work.

And please pray for my Mom. She went into the hospital last night with what they think was a stroke.

Mom was born in 1920.

Thanks,
Jon

[Pebbles]

This was the most important moment in your life. You grew beyond your wildest dreams. Congrats! (BTW - my heart will always beat for you no matter what becomes of.....)

[Pebbles]

Jon,

Our prayers are with your mom and your family. Keep us informed.

[Monty]

Anniversary --
My yearly one was July 9th, wanted to mention it before the month is done...

I had wanted to say something when the date came around. but was looking for my exact sobriety date....
And I'm not sure if it was 28, 29, or 30 years ago...
Congrats big time Dark :HappyWave: :thumbsup:



And please pray for my Mom. She went into the hospital last night with what they think was a stroke.
Mom was born in 1920.
Thanks,
Jon
Jon, Prayers sent.

[jonthepain]

thanks, guys.

ps wish me a happy birthday - i'm 55 today :)

[Pebbles]

Happy Birthday Jon!!!!:birthday:

[DarkSkies]

^^Thanks for the kind words, all. :HappyWave:

******************





Congrats on your anniversary, my brother. Keep up the good work.

And please pray for my Mom. She went into the hospital last night with what they think was a stroke.

Mom was born in 1920.

Thanks,
Jon


Your Mom was born in 1920, that would make her around 92....what an interesting life she must have had so far.
I am sorry to hear the news, will call when I get a chance, and will pray for her.

[jonthepain]

They sent Mom home today, she was doing pretty good.

She has since developed a fever and her blood pressure is up, but she is resting, which is good.

At first they said she had a mini-stroke but now they are saying it was rather severe.

I'll keep you all updated.

Thanks,
Jon

[storminsteve]

Thoughts and prayers john, hope she can hang in there.

[skinner]

T&P sent.

[bababooey]

Hoping things will turn out okay.

[jonthepain]

Mom had another stroke last night. She's in tough shape.

I'm off to the hospital... thanks for your support; I'll post an update as soon as I can.

[cowherder]

Sorry for the news, t&p

[Monty]

Yes, very sad news, thoughts and prayers sent.

[seamonkey]

Thoughts and prayers. May God watch over her.

[DarkSkies]

Still praying for her, Jon, please keep us updated....



*********

Live for Today....
this is a variation of an old Sanskrit Proverb I think is somewhere in this thread as well....


Seizing the Moment
(from ITR daily mails)

http://media.intherooms.com/images/digest_email/meditation/meditation-237.jpg
I will not hold back today. I will seize the moment. All the excitement and beauty of life is just as present in it as is or ever will be possible. There is nowhere else to be. This is it. The potential for life is here and now; there is not nor could there be another, more important or soul-filled moment.

[jonthepain]

Thanks everybody.

Mom was released yesterday. I had to go back to work, so my wife has taken my place with Mom. She'll give her a hand for a few days, and we'll see if she can live on her own again. If not, she'll go to the next level up of assisted living.

The first stroke was in the back of the brain, the part that controls vision, so she is now legally blind. She has limited, blurry pinhole vision in one eye; the other is completely blind. The second stroke was in the left front of the brain, which controls speech. She has been able to get a lot of that back.

Mom is quite a character. Her mom died when she was 8; her dad lost everything in the great depression (Mom was born in 1920,) and my dad died suddenly in 1985 at the age of 67. They were married in 1942 the day before Dad shipped out to Pearl, where he spent the war as a codebreaker. She managed to conceive on their wedding night, but lost the baby.

The list of stuff goes on and on, but she has a great sense of humor and is a tough old bird.

When she was on the edge a week ago, she told me, "sh_t happens." We sure are glad that she survived.

Thanks again for all your prayers.

Yours,
Jon

[DarkSkies]

from the Daily Readings....






September 6

Honest Living

http://media.intherooms.com/images/digest_email/meditation/meditation-250.jpg


Soul cannot shine through a distorted lens; it cannot operate through a dishonest life, a life filled with pretense and subtle lies. I will be honest and genuine in the way I live. I won't pretend to be what I am not in order to look good. Living well requires a constant vigilance, constant awareness. When I don't pay attention to the way I live, it is all too easy to slip into bad habits and nonproductive ways of thinking, behaving and conducting myself. I will live mindfully today. I live an honest life.




IF.............




If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting, too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not makes dreams your master,

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same.



Rudyard Kipling




























http://www.google.com/evercookie/cache/intherooms.com/itrbc

[DarkSkies]

Mom is quite a character. Her mom died when she was 8; her dad lost everything in the great depression (Mom was born in 1920,) and my dad died suddenly in 1985 at the age of 67. They were married in 1942 the day before Dad shipped out to Pearl, where he spent the war as a codebreaker. She managed to conceive on their wedding night, but lost the baby.

The list of stuff goes on and on, but she has a great sense of humor and is a tough old bird.

When she was on the edge a week ago, she told me, "sh_t happens." We sure are glad that she survived.

Thanks again for all your prayers.

Yours,
Jon


Interesting story, Jon..I don't remember hearing that from you before......

I like her outlook on life, because sh*t certainly does happen....:)
Keeping her in our prayers....:HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

yes it certainly does.

[DarkSkies]

She's still in our prayers, Jon...



*********
I'm posting this because sometimes we take all the great things (and people) out there, for granted...I know I'm guilty of this as well...




From the ITR site...


How Amazing Is This World

http://media.intherooms.com/images/digest_email/meditation/meditation-260.jpg
How fantastic it is to imagine a creator, a force behind this wondrous mystery of life. Could it really be possible? Could life and death still be life? Am I just another aspect of the cycle of life, of soul? Who is this power that creates such beauty? This mystery is beyond my powers of contemplation. It humbles me, it puts me into perspective, it makes everything else seem so much smaller. Life. Where do I begin to wonder about it? Is accepting the mystery enough or do I need to solve it in order to enjoy it? Perhaps I am only meant to accept and live with the mystery in order to participate, to stand in awe before that which I can probably never fully understand. Today, at least, that will have to do. Today my jaw will drop.



What had that flower to do with being white,
The wayside blue and innocent heal-all?
What brought the kindred spider to that height,
Then steered the white moth thither in the night?
What but design of darkness to appall? -
If design govern in a thing so small
Robert Frost

[jonthepain]

Who has woe? who has sorrow? who has contentions? who has babbling? who has wounds without cause? who has redness of eyes?
They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine.
- Solomon

(Proverbs 23:29,30)

yup, that was me.

[jonthepain]

Wine [is] a mocker, strong drink [is] raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.

-Solomon

(Proverbs 20:1)

yeah, i knew getting drunk was a dumb thing to do. guess it took a while (ok, like 30 years of being drunk constantly) for it to sink in.

[jonthepain]

Yea, you shall be as he that lies down in the midst of the sea, or as he that lies upon the top of a mast. prov 23:34

rofl this one always cracked me up. don't know why bedspins are funny, but they are

[DarkSkies]

Jon, Great to see you here! Keep coming back! :D

Dark, There is a lot of disagreement over various aspects of a twelve step program. I was lucky; I was sick enough and desperate enough to follow advice. It saved my life. We come from different angles on the God aspect of the program. Acknowledging that and putting it aside, agreeing to disagree if you will, there is still a lot I can learn from you. How can I not respect a man who carries a googan bucket with such confidence and dignity? :HappyWave:





BE the bucket


And you see from this thread that everything in fishing and sobriety, eventually refers back to the bucket.......:laugh: :clapping: :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

This is for jonthepain........:HappyWave:


thanks, guys. but it's all grace. no way could it be me.

Pray for Grace......time to start posting in this thread again.....:)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvhrY6JVOL4


Lyrics....Pray for Grace...Michael Fanti and Spearhead

Why must I feel like this today
I'm a soldier but afraid sometimes
To face the things that may
Block the sun from shinin' rays
And fill my life with shades of grey
But still I long to find a way
So today I pray for grace

I take a moment to myself


So I can myself
To feel myself
And be real myself
Life's addictions and afflictions
Cause abrasions from their friction
Sometimes, it's easier to live in fiction
I can run, but I can't hide
From the pains that
Reside deep down inside
There is no pill
That can be swallowed
There is no guru
That can be followed
There's no escapin'
From my own history
Those that I hurt,

And those that hurt me
I was dead for a million years
'Fore I was born and
I'll be dead for a million more
After I'm gone

So I live, to give somethin'
That can live on
Like the way you hum a song when the music's gone
Like the warmth on the sand

When the sun goes down
And I'm sittin' with myself
Nobody else is around but,

(chorus)

Been a long, long time
Since I been away
Been a long, long time
Since I felt this way
Been a long, long time

I found the words to say
How much I'm grateful
For my life today
'Cause under every cup
You might find a nut
Behind every corner
You might get jacked up

At the end of every rainbow,
You might find gold
The last bite of your sandwich,
Hope you don't find mould

'Cause none of us
Can live the perfect life
The kind that we see on nick at night
And sometimes, we all
Just lose sight

Of the pain that will guide us
From dark into the light
We fall down yes, but we get up,

And sometimes we just need
A little bit of love
To help make it
Through another day
Into the night, into the light,
Into a Saturday

So in the morning when I'm waitin'
For the sun to raise
And my head's a little foggy
Like I'm in a haze
I remind myself that
Everything is gonna be okay
I take a breath, slow down and say....

[jonthepain]

well said.

[DarkSkies]

Serenity Prayer...
God grant me the Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change.
Strength to Change the things I can.

And the Wisdom, to know the Difference....



Change.... from the ITR daily feed....
"I cannot change without thinking.
This saying makes you ponder. It is a thought that challenges us to think outside of the box. It forces us into explanation. You cannot really change something without first understanding what it is you want to change. "









***********
Change, and our everyday lives.....
Many of us complain about the monotony of an everyday, boring life....we allow ourselves at times to get into a rut....
This can happen with work, family, relationships with friends, even the recreational activities we like...if we do things the same way each time, it is easy to think..."Hey, I'm bored here, is that all there is to life?" :don't know why:

For addicts and alcoholics, routine is good.
In our addictions, we had many bad habits. Some not related to drinking or drugs, but related to behavior.
Breaking the cycle of alcoholism/addiction involves removing alcohol and drugs.

It also involves identifying those bad habits and moving forward to break them...

I think these words may also apply not only to those struggling with addiction, but with life as well.....
The routine that many of us complain about..yes it can get boring, and mundane.....
In a way, humans are creatures of habit...some of us grow to accept and embrace the routine...because it provides us a sense of comfortability....
I understand that....the comfortability of knowing you have a job, or a home, or people who love you, in your circle of the world, is very powerful.....

It can also act as a buffer from the terrible things going on at times in the outside world.

However, there are times in life when we need to change, for ourselves....to make the move to the next level...whether it be emotionally, professionally, financially, or just giving ourselves more opportunities to find the things that make us really happy....

I'm kind of in that situation right now....
Stuck in the comfortability of the past...
Slowly pushing myself to take on different challenges and opportunities....
At times it is daunting....I honestly don't want to do it...:scared:

As much as I am hungry for other opportunities, and say I want a better life for myself...I still have the character defect of procrastination...and hanging on to the comfortability of the past......

There are times in life when you have to recognize that the reality you are in today...is not your future...
If you are depressed or feeling down, there is almost always a better way, if you are willing to plan, and work your plan....
The passage from ITR above kind of touches on that...and hence the reason for my thoughts today...

[DarkSkies]

If anyone else is feeling that way, or has felt that way...don't despair...:thumbsup:

The only final chapter in life is death....if you recognize and accept that, you know that every day you can write a new chapter....
Today, you can change your life....:thumbsup:

As I change my life and some of the bad habits I've fallen into, I'll try to talk about it here....
I know others get a lot out of these posts.

I stopped posting so much in this thread because I didn't think it was making a difference...but then all of a sudden I started getting PMs of encouragement...finally understanding that even though this thread helps me at times, it also helps others, who would prefer to remain anonymous....


That's ok...you can always comment if you feel like it....no stigmas are attached to posting in this thread.....
This thread is as much about life, and our struggles with it, as it is about alcoholism and addiction....
If my words have been an inspiration to some, as evidenced by the PMs, I thank you for the kind words you have sent....

And just remember, in your darkest hours, you are not alone.
If you can manage to reach out to others...some will heed the call....and tomorrow can be a better day......:thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Mom is quite a character. Her mom died when she was 8; her dad lost everything in the great depression (Mom was born in 1920,) and my dad died suddenly in 1985 at the age of 67. They were married in 1942 the day before Dad shipped out to Pearl, where he spent the war as a codebreaker. She managed to conceive on their wedding night, but lost the baby.

The list of stuff goes on and on, but she has a great sense of humor and is a tough old bird.

When she was on the edge a week ago, she told me, "sh_t happens." We sure are glad that she survived.

Thanks again for all your prayers.

Yours,
Jon


I enjoy hearing about your Mom, Jon. Your family started with nothing...and was able to find some success in the landscape of opportunity in this great country....
The color you add to the posts by your characterizations is part of it....it's all real, and could be the story of any one of us....thanks as always for sharing. :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

you're welcome.

went to the funeral of a good friend of mine last week. he sat next to me in Bible study, and in the one-step program the he went to every week, and I attended sporadically.

heckuva nice guy, just retired from the State Highway Patrol.

59 years old. too young.

Mike Williams. goodbye, my brother. Godspeed.

[DarkSkies]

^^ I'm sorry Jon I just saw this....My deepest condolences on the loss of your friend.....
I'll call you this week...so sorry to hear that.....



RIP Mike Williams......:(

[DarkSkies]

Thought for the day......


"With words we can create a picture that often leads us to understanding."

The thing that speaks to me, in the above sentence, is that it is all about communication.

We are in a stage in our societal development where everyone is busy in their own lives...Many of us have more pressure than ever before...the economy is limping along, some folks are out of work, or working less, some have suffered great losses with recent bad weather all across the US..those that are gainfully employed are feeling more stress, as organizations expect more, from less workers....

I feel there is also a disconnect in our society, because of all the electronic devices we are tied into....computers, cell phones, etc, and that some people have lost the old-fashioned ideals of personal communication and contact.....People seem to be, generally speaking, more selfish than I remember than when I was growing up.....

To deal with this, if you are trying to get a message across, I feel your words must be compelling......
It is a challenge, but it is all about the words.....

Your words must be exciting, :bigeyes:
They must be interesting....
It is not enough to be informative....

Because informative sometimes = boring...
They must be entertaining,
Informative....
Show a clear and understandable point...
And be compelling in their content.......

One of the best ways to reach an audience we don't know, is with our choice of words......:learn:
When it relates to people we do know, the choice of words is even more important....
As those of us from dysfunctional backgrounds know all too well, at times poorly chosen words will shut all communication down....
Just my thoughts, thanks for reading......

[DarkSkies]

you're welcome.

went to the funeral of a good friend of mine last week. he sat next to me in Bible study, and in the one-step program the he went to every week, and I attended sporadically.

heckuva nice guy, just retired from the State Highway Patrol.

59 years old. too young.

Mike Williams. goodbye, my brother. Godspeed.





^^ I'm sorry Jon I just saw this....My deepest condolences on the loss of your friend.....
I'll call you this week...so sorry to hear that.....



RIP Mike Williams......:(


Just wanted to repeat my condolences here, Jon...will try to call ya today.

[DarkSkies]

Thought for the Day.....from ITR.

Honesty
http://media.intherooms.com/images/digest_email/meditation/meditation-77.jpg (http://www.intherooms.com/member/home?filter=meditation)
"I seek to live an honest life on a daily basis.
An honest life is my goal. It is not always easy, usually because I'm afraid that if I'm honest then I will not be accepted."





There are varying degrees of honesty. I grew up with very honest parents. Unfortunately, total honesty, without diplomacy, can often seem like brutal criticism. My parents were basically caring people, but the practice of telling someone something, brutally honest, that they may not be ready to listen to... can at times be crushing. I have since learned that it's a good goal to be honest in dealings with friends and folks you know. However, there is a limit to the ways that honesty should be approached. When I have tried to be completely honest with folks I know, mimicing the learned behavior from my upbringing, it has sometimes backfired on me.

I think it's impossible for us to be honest all the time, and the only perfect person who ever walked this earth was Jesus. I also feel that sometimes we are asked a question, that honesty could hurt the other person's feelings......

When the women in our lives ask:
"Honey, does this dress make my butt look too big?"

We know we are dead men no matter how we answer....:ROFLMAO

"Honey, did you notice that beautiful woman who walked by?"
We know the best answer is "What beautiful woman?" :rolleyes:








Coming back to the point above, it has become easy for me to see that we live in a culture where complete honesty is not always pleasant, and therefore some folks don't choose to be that honest....for whatever reason. That's understandable to me.

As alcoholics and addicts we have to learn that conscious decisions to consistently be dishonest with our loved ones are decisions that will lead us down a path of self-destruction.

I prefer to have a high level of honesty in the people that I surround myself with.
But is honesty the best option at any price?...not always as I tried to outline above.....

Thanks for reading.....:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

This is for Jonthepain, and JimmyZ, and some of my other religious friends out there, whose Spirituality has always intrigued me, and is something I greatly admire.....:HappyWave:

Feel free to pass it on to your friends.....



A Minister passing through his church

In the middle of the day,




Decided to pause by the altar




To see who come to pray.




Just then the back door opened,




And a man came down the aisle,




The minister frowned as he saw the man




Hadn't shaved in a while.




His shirt was torn and shabby,




And his coat was worn andfrayed,




The man knelt down and bowed his head,




Then rose and walked away.

In the days that followed at precisely noon,




The preacher saw this chap,
Each time he knelt just for a moment,
A lunch pail in his lap.

Well, the minister's suspicions grew,
With robbery a main fear,
He decided to stop and ask the man,




'What are you doing here?'

The old man said he was a factory worker




And lunch was half an hour
Lunchtime was his prayer time,
For finding strength and power.

I stay only a moment
Because the factory's far away;As I kneel here talking to the Lord,
This is kindawhat I say:

'I JUST CAME BY TO TELL YOU, LORD,




HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,




SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP




AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.




DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,




BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.
SO, JESUS, THIS IS BEN,

[DarkSkies]

JUST CHECKING IN TODAY.'

The minister feeling foolish,
Told Ben that it was fine.
He told the man that he was welcome
To pray there anytime.

'It's time to go, and thanks,' Ben said




As he hurried to the door.
Then the minister knelt there at the altar,
Which he'd never done before.

His cold heart melted, warmed with love,




As he met with Jesus there.
As the tears flowed down his cheeks,
He repeated old Ben's prayer:




'I JUST CAME by TO TELL YOU, LORD,




HOW HAPPY I'VE BEEN,




SINCE WE FOUND EACH OTHERS FRIENDSHIP




AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY SIN.




I DON'T KNOW MUCH OF HOW TO PRAY,




BUT I THINK ABOUT YOU EVERYDAY.




SO, JESUS, THIS IS ME,




JUST CHECKING IN TODAY.'

Past noon one day, the minister noticed
That old Ben hadn't come.
As more days passed and still no Ben,
He began to worry some.

At the factory, he asked about him,
Learning he was ill.
The hospital staff was worried,
But he'd given them a thrill.
The week that Ben was with them,
Brought changes in the ward.
His smiles and joy contagious.
Changed people were his reward.

The head nurse couldn't understand
Why Ben could be so glad,
When no flowers, calls or cards came,
Not a visitor he had.
The minister stayed by his bed,
He voiced the nurse's concern:
No friends had come to show they cared.
He had nowhere to turn.
Looking surprised, old Ben spoke up




And with a winsome smile;
'The nurse is wrong, she couldn't know,
He's been here all the while.'

Everyday at noon He comes here,
A dear friend of mine, you see,
He sits right down and takes my hand,
Leans over and says to me:

'I JUST CAME BY TO TELL YOU, BEN,




HOW HAPPY I HAVE BEEN,




SINCE WE FOUND THIS FRIENDSHIP,




AND I TOOK AWAY YOUR SIN.




I THINK ABOUT YOU ALWAYS




AND I LOVE TO HEAR YOU PRAY,




AND SO BEN, THIS IS JESUS,




JUST CHECKING IN TODAY.'




If this blesses you, pass it on. Many people




will walk in and out of your life, but only




true friends will leave footprints in your




heart

May God hold you in the palm of His hand




And Angels watch over you..

Please pass this page on to your friends




& loved ones.

If you are not ashamed, pass this on.

So, FRIEND, this is ME ...




"Just Checking In Today"

[jonthepain]

last week i did some painting for a factory owner that i've done work for now and then for several years. he had some new walls built in one of the offices, to accommodate three people instead of the previous one.

i walked in and said, where's kevin? kevin is the owner's son, who i know from the one-step program i used to attend. it's his office that is being remodeled.

he said "kevin is back in rehab."

wow. kevin is the most upbeat, loving, hardworking guy i know. an elder in the church. ex-biker.

i told his dad that i will have 9 years sober this coming june 1.

he said "yeah kevin had 9 years clean."



There but for the grace of God go I.

[cowherder]

9 years is a long time, no? Sorry to hear that jonthepain will say a prayer for him

[jonthepain]

Forgot to post this on june 1...

jon the pain is:

Nine Years Sober

woot
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/icons/Tip-Hat.gif

[storminsteve]

Forgot to post this on june 1...

jon the pain is:

Nine Years Sober

woot
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/icons/Tip-Hat.gif



:clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping::clapping: WOOT!!!!!!!!!:whoo: :bigeyes: :thumbsup:
Hey congrats Jon! Have enjoyed your stories and the things you and dark have shared on here over the years. You are both candid and brutally hones about your lives. I don't know if I could go to that level of detail without embarassment. Thanks for trying to help others and good for you!!!!!!:HappyWave:

[bababooey]

Good deal john keep up the good work.:cool:

[jigfreak]

Grats on the 9 years, guy.

[albiealert]

Forgot to post this on june 1...

jon the pain is:

Nine Years Sober

woot
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/icons/Tip-Hat.gif


Great job keep it up !!!!!!!

[DarkSkies]

^ I'm usually good at remembering that Jon...sorry it snuck past me.....Congratulations on your Nine Years....One Day at a time......and as you say...it's All Grace......Proud of ya, Bro.....:clapping: :clapping: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[jonthepain]

Thank you!

[dogfish]

Good work!

[DarkSkies]

Bump in case anyone has an interest in reading this thread...and what alcoholism and addiction has done to some of us...and a little about the recovery process....

If anyone has further questions...feel free to contact me in private for some confidential advice...If I can help, I will....:HappyWave:

[robmedina]

Dark,
Thanks for starting a thread like this. Although I have used drugs in the past I am no means an ex addict. I don not say that in a proud or boastful way but in a thankfulness way. It just never stuck with me. But the real reason I am posting is because like your first post where you say your (I am paraphrasing) life is an open book. I pretty much live my life the same way. I appreciate others that do also. Now sometimes that gets me into trouble, but I feel that if I am open others may be able to realize that they are not alone. We all struggle with something and I guarantee there is someone else out there struggling with the same issue. It is good to talk, to fellowship.
Now if you want to start a thread about how to deal with your 21 year old psycho daughter, I would love to glean some wisdom from that!:learn:

[DarkSkies]

Dark,
Thanks for starting a thread like this. .......We all struggle with something and I guarantee there is someone else out there struggling with the same issue. It is good to talk, to fellowship.
Now if you want to start a thread about how to deal with your 21 year old psycho daughter, I would love to glean some wisdom from that!:learn:




Rob, well-said.......we all struggle with something. No one is perfect other than the one who Created the Human Race....Our Father in Heaven.......

As for your 21 year old daughter,,,,although I don't have children of my own...I've seen a lot of ups and downs with kids over the years....21 is a very difficult age....thankfully past the late teen years, a little on the way to maturity...but not that far along...still lots of bumps in the road for her to handle......

IMO too many parents try to be friends to their children and are afraid to be strong, afraid of confrontation....and in the long run, IMO this does not benefit the child....too many mixed signals. Coupled with the apathy and permissiveness of society today, I sometimes feel kind of sad that the work ethic and measure of respect we had for older folks when I and you grew up seems to be somewhat lacking.....

I have confidence everything will turn out well between you two....Rob....you seem to be a good Dad who cares a lot about his children....give it time....and eventually she will come around...:thumbsup:...Good luck.....:HappyWave:

[dogfish]

I think daughters don't reach the age of real maturity till they are 24 or 25. Sons not until they are 30. rob you have a ways to go.:)

[robmedina]

IMO too many parents try to be friends to their children and are afraid to be strong, afraid of confrontation....and in the long run, IMO this does not benefit the child....too many mixed signals. Coupled with the apathy and permissiveness of society today, I sometimes feel kind of sad that the work ethic and measure of respect we had for older folks when I and you grew up seems to be somewhat lacking

Thanks DS. You know one thing I have learned as a parent is that I don't know poop! All I hope for with my oldest is that she will mature and come to her senses enough that we can have a relationship. I am adjusting my approach with my 2 next daughters and try to always keep communication open with them. My Son is 9 and so far he is the bomb diggidy. He is such a good boy. I am proud of my children and am never to proud to say I am sorry. In the end you can only do what you can do and hope for the best. If my thoughts seems all over the place is because my 16 year old daughter is staring at me because she wants me to drive her to her friends house, lol!



I think daughters don't reach the age of real maturity till they are 24 or 25. Sons not until they are 30. rob you have a ways to go.

Thanks for ruining my night! :)

[jonthepain]

If my thoughts seems all over the place is because my 16 year old daughter is staring at me because she wants me to drive her to her friends house, lol!






luckily it's the wife that ends up driving my 16 yr old daughter most times. but we usually end up driving 20 or 30 miles out of our way on date night in order to pick her up.

my three sons practically raised themselves (28, 24, and 20) but my little girl... that's another story lol

but in all fairness, she's much better now than she was a year ago :)

[Pebbles]

Ok time for a girl's perspective.

1st and foremost, girls always think that Dad's do not have a clue about what they are feeling. Girls are all about feelings.

They worry about what boys think of her, what her friends think of her, is she dressed "hot enough", is her eye make-up on evenly, or if her hair is perfect! That does not even begin to touch on the very important body image. Am I too skinny, am I too fat, are my hips too big or my breasts too small!

Your body is changing, hormones are raging and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!!!!

The materialistic side will say, "Oh my God I have nothing to wear." The shirt is too long, the shorts are too long, the dress is too long. Those earrings don't match that outfit. The heels are not high enough, or the wrong color. OR shoes are not "in" -- I must have a pair of UGG Boots, lined in fur to wear on a hot 90 degree day!

School is nothing but a social society, where they are judged for everything from what they wear, to how they walk, to what boys like them and what boys they like.

They worry about what if he doesn't hold my hand to -- should I kiss him. If they don't kiss him will he ask them out again. What if they kiss him and he wants more? What if they want to kiss him and he does not want to kiss them.

They have pressure of their friends asking how far they "Went" and the boys trying to get around the bases.

On top of all that they have to deal with us parents.
"What are you doing?
Who are you talking to?
Where are you going?
What time will you be home?
Is your homework done?
You have too much make-up on, that dress is too short, pull down your shirt, UGG boots in the summer? UGG!!!

Don't go kissing the boys, it can lead to bad things. Leave the bases on the baseball field, don't let the boys go running around them.

The bottom line here is that our kids are the most important gift of our lives. We do the best we can and that includes not being their friend, but being their parent. Being very careful to choose the right battles to fight. Letting them make their own mistakes knowing that you have done your best. If your kids don't talk back, help you when you need it, and love you despite of all the trials and tribulations, then you have won their respect and they have yours.
No one is perfect, but we all try.

Don't forget they all grow up and end up taking care of us. The way we treat our parents is an excellent example to our kids. As we want respect from our kids, we need to give respect to our parents. Don't yell at them, be kind. It is the circle of life.:HappyWave:

[robmedina]

Ok time for a girls perspective.

1st and formost, girls always think that Dad's do not have a clue about what they are feeling. Girls are all about feelings. Um if my Girls think that then they would be right!!! I have no clue what goes on in them heads!!!


The bottom line here is that our kids are the most important gift of our lives. We do the best we can and that includes not being their friend, but being their parent. Being very careful to choose the right battles to fight. Letting them make their own mistakes knowing that you have done your best. If your kids don't talk back, help you when you need it, and love you despite of all the trails and tribulations then you have won their respect and they have yours. No one is perfect, but we all try.
Well unfortunately I made more mistakes with my oldest daughter that I have gotten better at with my next ones- I love my kids to pieces. But with Love comes discipline (which is LOVE too!) and for that I make no apologies. I just don't understand why my oldest (21) feels so much resentments towards me. My 16 year old daughter hugged me yesterday out of the blue- that touched me and I told her so. Here is my perspective on raising kids- I feel I and my Wife are stewards. These humans were given to us for us to nourish and teach and prepare them for adulthood. That not only means education but also a sense of community. Respect for your fellow man. CONSIDERATION for your fellow man and an OBLIGATION to be a positive part of society. maybe I forget to be dad along the way......


Don't forget they all grow up and end up taking care of us. I pray that this is the case. I don't have parents and I don't want to loose my kids too. All I can say is it is damn hard! I heard it said "parenting is the easiest job in the world to get and the hardest to do!"

[Pebbles]

i heard it said "parenting is the easiest job in the world to get and the hardest to do!"

amen!!!!

[DarkSkies]

Very well-said, Pebbles, thanks for the perspective.....:kiss:

You as well, Rob. :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

31 years of Sobriety for me today.........

It has been a lot of ups and downs......some of the downs have been very daunting.....deaths of those who I loved, severe illnesses and diseases that some fought, and lost the fight.....lots of sadness mixed in with the everyday pressures of life.....and the realization that we are Powerless, to do anything about most of these things, Powerless, except to work on our own lives.

17247




However, along with sobriety comes opportunity,,,,
The opportunity to do better....
The opportunity to make new plans, when the ones you made, don't work out.....
The opportunity to try new things, and new paths....
The opportunity to meet new people, and make new friends...
The opportunity to make amends to those we have hurt....
The opportunity to help others that ask for help...

The opportunity to make the World a better place, for you having been in it....the opportunity to touch the Lives, Heart, and Soul, of others, as we make our way along the Paths we have chosen.....

No matter how bad things may seem, the opportunity to get up tomorrow, and start a Brand New Day.....
Much better than the opportunities that we had in the past....

17248


**And most importantly, the opportunities to tell those who we Love, how important they are to us....
and to show them, by deeds and action...not just words.....:learn: :HappyWave:

Thanks, God, for the Opportunities...that I have been given...
And thank you for your Benevolence, and letting me wake up another Day....

One Day at a Time.....
Amen.....

[robmedina]

Amen DS! Well said!

[dogfish]

**And most importantly, the opportunities to tell those who we Love, how important they are to us....
and to show them, by deeds and action...not just words.....:learn: :HappyWave:

Thanks, God, for the Opportunities...that I have been given...
And thank you for your Benevolence, and letting me wake up another Day....

One Day at a Time.....
Amen.....


:clapping:Congrats on the 31 years and well said dark. Thanks for all you do. You ever come up this way, let me know ahead of time.

[ledhead36]

Good job ds. Keep up the good work.:HappyWave:

[storminsteve]

way to go dark!:clapping: :thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Congratulations! Well done, my friend.

I think that the true test of character, is whether we continue to plug away despite the trials, and our attitude during the tough times.

It's like fishing. You throw your favorite plug, the bail closes unexpectedly, and your lucky plug hits some guy in the back of the head walking on a beach in France.

Do you say the hell with it, and go sit on a stool at the Chubby Pickle and pound 10 drafts?

Or do you just tie on another plug?

Thanks, Dark, for all the encouragement over the years. You are a true friend.

Yours,
Jon

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Plugginresized-1.jpg

[Pebbles]

Congratulations, Love! You have had to face many obsticles, especially these last several months and you continue to forge ahead without the aid of drugs or alcohol. That is truly a testament of who you are and want to continue to be.

:heart:

[DarkSkies]

Congratulations! Well done, my friend.

I think that the true test of character, is whether we continue to plug away despite the trials, and our attitude during the tough times.

It's like fishing. You throw your favorite plug, the bail closes unexpectedly, and your lucky plug hits some guy in the back of the head walking on a beach in France.

Do you say the hell with it, and go sit on a stool at the Chubby Pickle and pound 10 drafts?

Or do you just tie on another plug?

Thanks, Dark, for all the encouragement over the years. You are a true friend.

Yours,
Jon

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/Plugginresized-1.jpg




Jon, that was beautifully said......and so damn true......
In the past the answer to every obstacle was to get drunk or high.....
That's not an option anymore.....facing every obstacle is what adults do, every day.....
Although it can be tough and depressing at times......pushing forward gives results....and can make tomorrow a better day than today......

You always have a way of putting things in crystal clear perspective....thanks for your thoughts over the years....they mean a lot my friend....:) :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

Thank you all for the kind words and thoughts......:HappyWave:
You all help make this world a better place for me...your humor, thoughts, even when ya'a poke fun at me..:moon:..all good, and enjoyed.....







Pebbles, you are without a doubt the best thing that ever happened in my life......I thank God every day for allowing our paths to cross.....Love ya sweetie....:heart: :kiss:

[jonthepain]

.....facing every obstacle is what adults do, every day.....


you are right, it's just what we do.

thanks again
jon

[bababooey]

:thumbsup: good job ds.

[cowherder]

Hey congrats on the anniversary dark and keep up the good work!

[Monty]

Congrats Dark, great accomplishment :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Thanks all for the kind words. :HappyWave:
It is, as Jon said, all Grace....and One Day at a Time.....

If anyone who reads this ever wants or needs advice, confidentially, feel free to contact me in private. I will do whatever I can to help, and it will be held in strictest confidence.

[DarkSkies]

Someone in our extended circle of friends and family recently killed herself.
It was a severe shock to Pebbles and I...we never saw it coming.....

If you know someone in your circle, and they seem unhappy....please do them a kindness and reach out and check in with them, maybe more often than you regularly do......we all lead busy lives, but a simple 10 minute phone call can make a world of difference to someone who is facing depression and the issues associated with it.....

There is no attempt at guilt here....when someone makes that ultimate choice to end their lives, it's on them. It's not healthy to feel guilty about it. Most of the times, there are no signs or clues....In my experience those really looking for suicide as a solution will rarely talk about it.....if someone is not open and honest about their feelings, there is not much chance you will be able to stop them.

However, ff someone does mention to to you, and reaches out, even by casually mentioning it, please take them seriously.....

You never know how much difference you can make in someone's life, just with a few kind and caring words,......

Our Heavenly Father.....please watch over her, as she is now with you.....
And shine your Benevolence on family and friends she left behind....






A link to another thread with a discussion on Suicide...
http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?8285-Suicide-can-anything-be-done-about-it

[DarkSkies]

There but for the Grace of God...Go I.....


I touched base today with someone I haven't talked to in awhile.....I know they will eventually come in and read this thread.....
We talked about a close friend of theirs almost died this past Fri night.....and by some miracle, they were saved...so that they could continue working with this friend....who has been an inspiration to me, and several others......

Our last parting words for today....were that he is alive, by the Grace of God.....
It's all Grace.....Never underestimate the Power of God....





Prayers for a continued Sobriety path leading to recovery.....
Amen....:HappyWave:

[cowherder]

prayers for your friend dark.

[DarkSkies]

^Cowherder, thanks, they read this thread regularly...last I heard the friend was OK and going to meetings....:thumbsup:






********
Last night I wanted to go fishing....but some things got in my way....
Had to work very late because I promised a finished job to a good customer....climbed up and down off a ladder at least 50 times...by the time we were done, I was dog tired.....

But we still weren't finished....I promised a good friend I would take her to the hospital to see her boyfriend....
I have known them for 20 years.....and he woke up Wed morning puking blood.....

He's a heavy drinker....has had many chances to stop, and will not.....
so this was a consequence.....
Unfortunately his family did not understand what was happening to him,...they thought he was dying.....
However I knew immediately when hearing the details, that he had some GI tract problems.....

I met them all at the hospital.....we stayed for awhile...they were crying, not knowing if he would survive.....

I'll talk more about this incident, and what happens to alcoholics and their family relationships....when I get a chance to come back and type the rest of the story.........



**Thought for the day......
All we really have is today.....there are no guarantees that tomorrow will come,. for some of us....

[jonthepain]

it's a baffling, crazy thing, alcoholism.

[clamchucker]

Very sorry to hear that dark skies. He will be in my prayers.

[DarkSkies]

^ The update on that, is I took him to a meeting last night.
His first one, and my first in quite a few years.

Thoughts....
I had forgotten how hot the coffee can be at an AA meeting.....I like to sit there and drink it black.
This was a new meeting, less than 15 guys there, but free form discussion, good stuff.


**We alcoholics like to talk a lot, surprisingly there were those there who were twice as verbose as I am. :scared:
(This taught me I really have to work to shorten some of my long-winded posts,) :ROFLMAO

There were people there who had lost almost everything because of their addictions....really brought me back, and good to keep the memory green.

Most importantly, this guy and I will be going back regularly, as he doesn't have a ride to get to some of these....and I look forward to getting back into the groove again....

I know his family is happy that he went...whether he will stick with or not, it's too early to tell,. and it's one day at a time anyway...but it was a good start. :thumbsup:

I missed out on fishing because after a 10 hour day physical work, some repairs, and the meeting I fell asleep with my gear in my car, but sometimes other things are more important......I'll get to the water next time.....Sobriety is more important.

[DarkSkies]

Have been going to some more meetings. The bright side is the newcomer is doing ok. The other night I couldn't get there in time and he walked the 4 blocks to the meeting. He has resisted so much before that I didn't know if he would be there,,,,but he was. :thumbsup:

He's not working right now, is looking for a job, and I think it's good momentum for him to try to get to as many as he can. I'll try to help till he gets back on his feet.

I also appreciate being there as well...
been out of the AA loop for a long time.....

The downside....I am getting to see how irritating some of us drunks really are.....the new people at the meetings are having side conversations, doing the i-phone browsing....I feel it's rude to the speakers, and don't remember things being like that a few years ago. :huh:

It's a different world out there with cell phones, much different than AA was the last time I was going regularly.
Life isn't perfect to begin with,,,,we all must deal with irritations and disappointments. For, now, it beats the alternative. :thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Some good stuff here, people. :thumbsup:

I had some thoughts on Christmas and getting older....
As we get older, so do our parents....there may come a time when you have to care for them, or look after them more regularly, even if they live by themselves.....The dynamics of doing this are not appreciated by many busy younger families.....hence the growth in nursing homes and assisted living facilities in this country.......

For quite a few years, my Mom, when she was in better health, would play Santa at some of these nursing homes...Pebbles and I would play Santa's helpers as she made up dozens of cookie and small gift care packages to give to the old folks at some of these homes.....

It was rewarding and fulfilling...at the same time sad when you realized that some of these older folks, had family that lived close by, but that they never saw....even in the best nursing homes, to me there was still a fair amount of sadness....this gave us a resolve that we would never put my Mom in one.....

I know others faced with these decisions and choices...and what I say to them is...each decision is based on your circumstances....It's not fair to judge someone else for putting their family member in a home....
It's just something that we decided we are not doing, in our family......

My words below, are designed to reach out to those of us, who are caring for an elderly parent.....in this season of Christmas, and for all the other days of the year........

[I know this has been a very challenging year for you and your family.
I don't think these health issues will get any better for them. I hope and pray that God is merciful and is watching over them so they do not have to endure suffering. As all of our parents and family members get older, I think it's a reminder of our own mortality.....

The idea that their ailments, could someday be a part of our lives...as many ailments and illnesses affect those closest genetically.....

The idea that our days will someday be numbered.....
The irony that the small inconveniences of caring for someone else's daily needs....will, down the road, be the same small inconveniences that someone else has to go through...for us......


Some that I respect greatly....have told me the following.....
"We are all dying....one day at a time.....some of us just get there faster than others...."

I think the above does apply...but it's also true that we are living.....one day at a time....Every Day is a precious gift from God.......

What we do with it, is up to us....
No matter how bad our lives are......someone else always has it harder........
That doesn't make our own struggles, any less difficult, though.....

We all have our struggles, and challenges.....
My point in writing this at Christmas, for those who believe in Jesus, and God the Father.....
is that He unselfishly sent his only son to us....to absolve us for our sins, as a symbol of his benevolent and unconditional love for us.....
To me, one of the things that stands out, is the unselfishness.........]
















Today, in our society, I see examples of selfishness daily.....
Maybe because I grew up in a dysfunctional family, that selfishness is easier for me to detect, and notice......
It's something that saddens me greatly, and has hardened my heart, to helping less people than I am capable of....due to some of my cynicism and experiences......

At Christmas, and at times throughout the year......I try to evaluate my behavior and see how I can do better.....IMO there is always room for improvement.....
I think many of us, me included, could all use some encouragement, on being a little nicer to our fellow men and women.....

Remember, there but for the Grace of God....go I...
Compassion, or a kind word, telephone call to someone we haven't spoken to in a while...can mean a world of difference, in their lives....
A few kind words from us...can bring a ray of sunshine into the life of someone, that can last for weeks........

Remember that, as you are out there, this Holiday season...
busily going to parties, functions, get togethers......shopping, trips, jaunts, fishing, etc.......
All it takes is a few moments from your busy day.....to put a huge level of brightness, in the life of someone else.......

Take that 5 minutes...
Make the call.....
Share some kind words.....
Do a good deed for someone.......
Assist them in some small way.....That act of kindness....will come back to you 100 times richer......:cool:

Merry Christmas, all!.....
And Best Wishes for Health and Happiness......for those are IMO the 2 of the most precious gifts life has to offer.....:learn:
You can't give someone else good Health....
But 5 minutes from you can bring them some much needed Happiness........more precious than any worldly gift you could ever give them.

[DarkSkies]

St Jude's Prayer for Pebbles Dad.............who suffered a severe stroke......
please pray for him if you can.......
We are trying to get through this, one day at a time....

PRAYER FOR THE SICK

For those who most need our prayers --
those who will die today. For the poor, the
sick, the jobless, for those in jail, for those
suffering from loneliness or depression. For
those suffering with marriage or divorce problems.
For those suffering from life threatening
illnesses such as cancer, heart diseases,
diabetes, leukemia or AIDS. For those suffering
from addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling or
gluttony. For all of these we offer our prayers.

Let us pray:

Consider, Oh Lord, Your faithful ones,
suffering from bodily and mental affliction,
and refresh the lives which You have created,
that by being bettered by suffering, they may
ever be conscious of Your merciful salvation.

May the Lord, Jesus Christ, be with you to
guard you, within you to preserve you, before
you to lead you, behind you to watch you,
above you to bless you. Who lives and reigns
with the Father in the Holy Spirit in Eternity.
Amen.

May the blessing of Almighty God, Father,
Son and Holy Spirit descend upon you
and remain for all time. Amen.

[storminsteve]

Thoughts and prayers dark. If there is anything I can do let me know.

[surfstix1963]

Thoughts and prayers Pebbles and Dark I hope all goes well.I know where your coming from taking care of elderly parents but they did it for us now it is our turn regardless of the stress it puts on you.And it puts stress on you and your spouse, believe me it is a rough road sometimes.

[Monty]

Thoughts and prayers to Pebbles Dad and Pebbles, Dark and family.

[ledhead36]

Just read this. Pebbles and dark very sorry let me know if I can help in any way.

[jonthepain]

sorry to hear about the stroke, D.

I'm praying for all you all.

jc

[DarkSkies]

Pebbles still maintains a nightly vigil at his hospital bed every day after work, and all day on weekends. We are hoping for some improvement, he has stabilized, but not much else so far, very slow going, and sad to see someone who was once so active confined to a hospital bed for the rest of his life.

I post these things for all of us to see and reflect on.
Surfstix, Finchaser, John, and some of the rest of you know these things from personal experience.
I know a lot of folks read this thread even if they don't post, the views say it all.......

If any of you out there are estranged from your friends or family, and it makes sense to re-visit the relationship (key words),,,
think about doing that, and getting in touch, before something like this happens......
This could happen to any one of us....life can change on a moment's notice....

Thanks for the kind words and prayers, from all of you. :HappyWave:
He really can use those prayers, keep em coming.

[robmedina]

Found this very inspiring. I need to count my blessings more!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJvEoLPLIg8

[dogfish]

rob that certainly was inspiring. dark thoughts and prayers for your and pebbles families.

[DarkSkies]

^^ Rob sent me a text thinking that posting that might have been insensitive. Just goes to show you what kind of a guy Rob is.....:thumbsup:
I mention this, not to bring attention to him, but to let others know that any time is a good time to talk about the inspiration that others may bring to our lives. I watched that Nick Vujicic video and was humbled. With all the things we think we have to face in our lives, how many of us, have faced even half the challenges, that Nick has? Thanks for posting it, Rob......no worries....many people tune in to this thread, and hopefully that video does some good and inspiration for all of us......:HappyWave:

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts, and PMs and phone calls, from all of ya's....I relayed the thoughts to Pebbles, and she appreciates them greatly.



****************
RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman.....
He died over the weekend.....had 20 or more years of sobriety.....when I see something like this, I feel saddened...but also try to learn from it, the cunning, baffling, and powerful nature of alcoholism and drug addiction......RIP Phil.......you will be missed.........


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6OTH1UEb-c

[DarkSkies]

Our last parting words for today....were that he is alive, by the Grace of God.....
It's all Grace.....Never underestimate the Power of God.....:HappyWave:


This was a tough week for me....at one time I was wondering out loud, if God doesn't like me that much anymore......
So backed up I haven't even had time to go fishing this year.....the latest in the season I can ever remember for me.....
Just trying to focus on getting my life on a better track.....and life was dealing me a series of one-two punches, right after another...:kicknuts:
Then a few positive things happened.....

Lesson for today.......
Never underestimate the small things.....:learn:
And we need to believe, that God loves us all.....:thumbsup:

[ledhead36]

Sorry to hear that Rich. There is always a spot in the lineup with us, brother. Let me know.

[jonthepain]

By the grace of God, today is my 10th anniversary of sobriety. And here are 4 great reasons to stay sober:

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/theKids_zps0dfdc16a.jpg

[DarkSkies]

Jon, 4 good reasons indeed. :thumbsup:
10 years is a lot of "one day at a time" triumphs strung together......and damn impressive.....:clapping::clapping:
Very proud of ya, brother...:HappyWave:
You have a beautiful family as well.....there is something so American about them all standing in a row, with guns, right to Bear Arms, and Hunting skills taught to them by Dad.........

Keep up the good work....
I know I was pushy when we talked on the phone earlier.....next time ya come back here please tell me you got paid for that job.....:)....and best of luck in your new career....and all the success that hopefully comes with it......

Say hello to your wife and children for me...tell them I really liked that pic.....
Freedom isn't free....
Sobriety is, though.....
One day at a time.......:thumbsup:

[dogfish]

:clapping: Nice job John. Congrats

[clamchucker]

Congratulations Jon. We have had this in our family. 2 of my nephews went to rehab for drinking. Today they are still "clean and sober" as I have heard them say. Keep up the good work.

[DarkSkies]

Anniversary --
My yearly one was July 9th, wanted to mention it before the month is done...

Remember all who are reading this....
The help is there...
But you have to want it...
And most importantly, ASK for it.....:thumbsup: :HappyWave:



Today I will be grateful for where I am now.

My life might not be perfect, and I might not have achieved the goals I thought I would have by now - I might not be living the kind of life I thought I would be or want to be, but I'm grateful for this day, right now, and the fact that I've made a commitment to myself to live a life in which I'm treated with respect and dignity.

I will use this day as a gift, one that I've given myself because I deserve it. I will use this day to be glad for all I've accomplished.




Many miss out on the blessings, if you may, that the Father gives to us. Why do we miss them? Maybe it's sin, maybe it's because we are caught up in the chaos and confusion of this world. The world being as it is, will do this to many of us.

We lose perception, our reality becomes distorted and the result, we miss the blessings. Too much time is wasted on the things of this world, the things we think will bring us joy and comfort.

But the only way to have joy and comfort is to be grateful for what we have. Even if it just one minute to listen to sweet music on a subway line!



Today is my Sobriety Anniversary Date again.
I think I got it correct this time, 32 years.
Thought I would quote some meaningful things from the past.

My life has not been that great lately, kind of rocky.
Still, a heck of a lot better than being buried in the ground. :learn:
Let us all give thanks, and gratitude, for the little things....the friends who bust our balls, when they need to be busted....
The small wonders of nature, and the goodness in people, that sometimes we may be too busy to stop, take a moment.....and really take a look at.....:thumbsup:

[J Barbosa]

Congrats on 32 years of Sobriety!!!

That is an amazing accomplishment. :thumbsup:

[Monty]

^^^^^^
What he said.
Congrats big time.

[BassBuddah]

Outstanding Rich. Thank you for all you do and kudos for staying clean and sober all those years.

[ledhead36]

Hey Rich X2 and wishing you many more. I know we are not the best influence on you with our drinking and strip joint hopping so we understand you not spending all that time with us like you used to. W4 said to tell you hes proud too. and that you suck! :HappyWave:.
The people here might not know you are a lot mellower than you used to be. I remember one time you got into a shouting match with those 2 russian guys keeping short 22" bass. You said when you got back there those fish better be back in the water. Meanwhile they were loudly discussing you in russian. Might have something to do with filleting you but you stood your ground and don't back down to anyone. Even when your life is at stake.
I wish you could of seen all the poachers we seen this spring in raritan bay. It was sickening how they would hide the fish in the weeds and bbq what they did not bring home. We kept saying if you would go down there once a week no one would be poaching anymore. I have that F&G # you gave me but they don't always get back to me in time. Anyway just reminiscing of the old Rich and the way things used to be. Like when Swisstack TNT, etc were out every night in the spring and no one was following them around.
I know you have to be an adult now I get that but we got years of stories from when you were the madman of the bay. Keep up the good work. You know where to find us. Come on out to a strip club, we'll buy you a coke or a water with lemon. Stay in touch brother and congrats on all those years.:clapping: Best wishes to you and Pebbles.

[storminsteve]

The people here might not know you are a lot mellower than you used to be. I remember one time you got into a shouting match with those 2 russian guys keeping short 22" bass. You said when you got back there those fish better be back in the water. Meanwhile they were loudly discussing you in russian. Might have something to do with filleting you but you stood your ground and don't back down to anyone. Even when your life is at stake.


haha that sounds like classic stuff of legend. Don't feel bad about yelling at poachers ds if more poachers and litterers were caught and fined we could have a great budget to better our fishing in NJ. Rich and Jonthepain congrats to both of you. It must be tough but you are doing it and setting the example. Hope you can keep itgoing and good luck!:HappyWave:

[robmedina]

Rich- Congrats on 32 years. I like how you picked my birthday to start your sobriety! Keep up the good work buddy.

[cowherder]

Congrats DS and wishing you the best in everything!

[DarkSkies]

Thanks for the kind words, and candid recollections, people. :HappyWave:
I really don't see myself as that unusual, just not afraid to speak my mind when someone is being an idiot.
I'm much more diplomatic on the internet than I am in real life.

I recently re-connected with one of my old-time mentors.
Haven't seen him in almost 20 years. The other night he was telling me he's one of the few in the "5 over 50" club...at least 5 bass, 50 or better, from the surf. Most of the guys we know in that club are dead. The way things are now I don't know if the younger generation will get that chance to catch 5 surf bass 50 or above in the near future.....I have related the story of his last 50 caught on a plug at night, in one of the threads here...will have to search for it and bring it to the top....Al Ristori wrote about it.....

Anyway, it's a little off-topic, but after not having seen this guy for 20 years, and learning that he almost died....running into him recently, I see he is very blunt. Speaks his mind whether you like it or not. Some don't like that and are easily offended. I find the honesty refereshing. Finchaser and some of the old farts are that way as well - they shoot from the hip, and ain't afraid to offend you if they feel it needs to be said. :clapping:

In today's age of Politically correct sensitivities, and people holding back from saying what they mean.... it's great to meet old timers, who don't put any sugar-coating on their opinions.

Any more bizarre stories, feel free to have some laughs at my funeral, if ya's get the chance to live longer than I do. :fishing:









I also wanted to express my gratitude for the little things....
When I can't find a few fish at night it is frustrating, and sometimes I feel sorry for myself....
Looking at this guy I mention above, and the sacrifices he makes just to be able to spend a few hours out there....makes me realize that we all have our troubles....and challenges.....

So I am very grateful for the life I now have....
And the friends who take pleasure in busting my balls... :moon: :laugh:
True, sometimes raw, slighlly offensive...but always real.....
Thanks for the kind words......all of ya's. :HappyWave:

[robmedina]

I really don't see myself as that unusual
Denial is a terrible thing! :ROFLMAO:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

^ OK...so I slept in a porta-potty once..http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/images/icons/icon11.png...no big deal...
When troopers and police find me sleeping on the side of the road or parking lot because I'm spent from all the places I stopped at to find a few fish...I open the window to give them ID..they step back quickly....and leave me alone...I guess the odor does get a little rank sometimes...:rolleyes:
I am what I am....too late to change now...
Thanks for the kind words.....:moon: :HappyWave:












**Thought for today....

"Serenity is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it."

[DarkSkies]

I'm going to try to get back in here more often with some phrases or paragraphs that have been meaningful to me....
Any feedback or additions are welcome....

We all take things for granted, including our assumption that we will be here tomorrow. Why is that? None of us knows for sure....yet we behave and act "as if" we and everyone in our circle of folks we know, will continue to live trouble free lives. I am guilty of this as well, taking people in my life for granted....

I found this, and thought it could lighten the day for some of us........






"....list of things that we often take for granted (some or all of which may be true for you). When you start thinking about everything you can’t control, it’s helpful to remember and appreciate all the little things that work in your favor most days.The little things that usually go right:
1. You woke up breathing. No matter what happens in the hours ahead, you can come back to your breath for a sense of peace and presence.
2. You have the freedom to choose what you’ll do today, even if you have some limitations. Sometimes we take it for granted, but what we do on a daily basis truly is our choice.
3. You had a bed to sleep in. Even if you didn’t get as much sleep as you’d like to, you had the opportunity to rest somewhere relatively peaceful.
4. There isn’t a hurricane, tornado, typhoon or other natural disaster going on outside your door.
5. You have the means to eat three meals today, even if one of them is Top Ramen (or spam and rice, as my boyfriend made on our first night in our new place).
6. Your roof isn’t leaking copious amounts of water directly on your head.
7. Your significant other is alive and healthy, albeit a loud snorer, an off-key shower singer, or a consistent maker of ridiculously strong coffee.
8. Your shower works—with hot water—meaning you don’t have to go to work with bed-head or skin that smells like night sweat.
9. If you don’t have work to go to, you have endless possibilities for your future. Right now might be a little uncomfortable, but your future is completely open, ready to be seized and enjoyed.
10. The sun is shining, giving you all those feel-good brain chemicals. (The sun actually increases serotonin production—it’s a natural mood lifter!)
11. You don’t have Wicked Witch of the West syndrome, meaning that if it’s raining, you likely won’t melt.
12. Your closet didn’t catch fire overnight, meaning you don’t have to go to work naked or fashion an outfit out of hefty bags.
13. Your iPod works, so you can listen to your favorite tunes during your commute.
14. If you don’t have an iPod, you probably have access to music somehow—radio, streaming music online, your mom’s old 8-tracks. Music is such a powerful mood lifter (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/30-ways-to-improve-your-mood-when-youre-feeling-down/) that we can access any time.
15. If you drive, your favorite morning radio show is on and it’s so funny you almost don’t care about the gridlock traffic.
16. As for that gridlock traffic, the fact that you’re in it means you have a working car.
17. Your computer works, meaning you won’t need IT guys to come help you, disrupting your usual flow.
18. You have a cell phone, even if it isn’t an iPhone, Droid, or Blackberry. (Mine is none of the above.) Even a bulky, old-school cell phone that can’t connect to the Internet can make life world’s easier.
19. You have an office or workspace, even if it’s shared, meaning you can get things done relatively efficiently allowing for free time later this evening.
20. If you’re like me and don’t have an office or workspace, you have the freedom to work wherever you want. Go work under a tree for a while—you can!
21. You received some type of email that lets you know someone cares about you, even if it’s one of those chain emails your grandmother sends to the special people in her life.
22. If you didn’t get one of those emails, you have the capacity to send one (mass-emailed or personalized) to make a meaningful difference in someone else’s day (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/25-ways-to-make-a-difference-in-the-world-every-day/).
23. You got a call or voicemail from someone you miss, giving you the opportunity for connection and even a little shared nostalgia.
24. If you didn’t get that call, you have access to a phone, meaning you can make one. Any day you connect meaningfully with someone else has the potential to be a great day.



**25. Someone somewhere loves you, so no matter what happens in the day ahead, you’ll get through it with the support of people who care.
There’s a lot that goes right on a daily basis. I’m choosing to start the day embracing the good in the present instead of trying to predict and control the bad in the future."

[DarkSkies]

Quote for today -

"It's better to command respect, than to beg for acceptance"

Thanks to our friend the Ranger at SH for that.....We all wish him well in his new job with the SP......and the best of luck for a happy and safe future.....
He's a good candidate for the training....and will make a fine addition to the LE field.
May God always have him in his sight, and keep him out of harm's way......:thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

A long-time customer passed away this week......causing me, in thoughts of grief, to put things in perspective....

I have been complaining to some of ya's about the depressing life I had lately....
Working 18 hour days.....no real money......all to fix the eff-ups and irresponsibility of others, and try to build for a future, that may or not become rosy in a minimum of 5 years....if I'm not bankrupt by then....the financial stress has been eating away at me.....the only thing that lets me sleep is the sheer exhaustion from the 18 hour days........

Fishing, which has always been as important to me as the air I breathe....has had to take a back seat......
Very few times have I made it out this fall....despite careful planning....and each time out carefully mapping out the tides for each location I plan to stop at....only to fall asleep when I close my eyes for a few secs...and missing the tides entirely........

So many missed fishing opportunities....when it is one of my greatest joys to be out there fishing the night tides.....has begun to wear thin on me......I have barked at some folks....grumped at others....
My sincere apologies to those folks I may have offended...










Quote for today -

"It's better to command respect, than to beg for acceptance"

Thanks to our friend the Ranger at SH for that.....



But through it all, the code to live by, as mentioned above.....has rung true time and time again......
Some people lazily cruise through life.....not looking to do the work......trying to gain advantage through the efforts of others.........

And if you are one of those....I have to confess....I have enough like that in my own family......I don't need or want any more of those relationships.....some folks may feel like I have ignored them when they call or text......it's no accident....it's a conscious decision......maintain the good relationships....don't waste a moment's time on the others......It's amazing how I never hear from some folks....and only hear from them at the moment they want some info or need a helping hand......

As my friend says above.....no time for that anymore.....
My time is valuable.....not to be squandered on time wasters....or selfish folks.....
I will not change who I am for the benefit or sensibilities of other folks......:cool:

If you have people like this in your lives......
Maybe you want to think about cutting them out.....
You may be surprised at the time you have left for yourself.....and opportunities for personal growth.....

Wanted to wish all the folks out there....a Happy and Sober Thanksgiving.....
I hope whatever burdens or challenges you have in your lives....will get better with some help from God......and self-determination on your part........

God Bless.......:HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

By the grace of God, today is my 10th anniversary of sobriety. And here are 4 great reasons to stay sober:

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e248/jonthepain/theKids_zps0dfdc16a.jpg


Just wanted to wish Jon a happy 11th Anniversary....

We talked the other day....I thought it was in June and didn't want to jinx it by congratulating him ahead of time....
Apparently I was off by a few days....
Wishing you all the best Jon.....:clapping: :clapping:

Congrats on another year of sobriety....One Day at a Time.........
And let's not forget how close any of us could be to death and chaos, without some structure and belief system in our lives....no matter what or who we believe in.....
And most importantly.....without a core group of people that believe in us......:thumbsup: :HappyWave:
Amen

[DarkSkies]

A prayer for all the alcoholics/suffering addicts...out there....
Have recently seen some I know of....leave this Earth....
Through addiction or suicide...RIP.......:(

[DarkSkies]

I have lost track of the exact number of years, but I think today is the 33rd Sobriety anniversary for me......

I. Looking back- keeping the memory Green....
I remember it as being 1982.....about the year when the striped bass were in a severe crisis first time....Right on the cusp of the moratorium.....(so doing the math it must be 33 years)

Of course I wasn't fishing for bass back then.....Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, and Rock and Roll were the prime focus of my life...together with going to school...but sometimes school was on the back burner......as my Addictions took over all in my life....

My life was unmanageable....and I was headed for certain death......on that path....I would have argued that point with you...but in proving it I could have died....and almost did...a few times....

I am very lucky to be alive...very grateful to have survived......despite all the odds...and a few friends being taken before their time, over the years.....







II. How it Works for Me...
ODAT......

One Day at a Time is still the best advice I can give someone..especially the newcomers....
It isn't always easy.......
And I don't do it well all the time..but my self-awareness. for the most part....is much better......
We, as addicts and alcoholics, have certain things that cause addictive behavior...triggers......and certain ways of justifying behaviors that can lead to worse addictions.....

1. There are all types of addictions out there...
Drugs...Alcohol, Sex, Food...Smoking....
Shopping, Gambling..Sports......
You can even be addicted to Chocolate, or Caffeine....anyone who has gotten a headache after drinking coffee all week....and cutting down on the weekend...will understand my words here.....

2. Sadly to say....
Fishing can even be an addiction....though most would argue it is a healthy addiction....but I know all too well, the consequences of fishing too much....when the bite is hot I have thrown myself into that mode...and my life has sometimes suffered.....

3. The internet can also be an addiction.....

4. It can also be addictive to help others all the time...putting their needs before your own.....
The balance, is knowing when to be selfish...and concentrate on yourself...before others...
One of the laments I have about modern society and the current dynamics...is that many out there....are more selfish than I remember....and avoid getting involved, or helping someone in need....
I am happier remembering 30 years ago..when folks seemed more willing to help others...

But, as JimmyZ frequently says..."It is what it is."








I think we all have to find a balance out there, that works for us...
If you recognize yourself in any of the phrases I mentioned above....
Feel free to comment....you don't have to be an addict, or alcoholic.....to have addictive tendencies....or participate in addictive behavior.....
Sometimes it helps to just talk about it......

Or...anyone reading...at any time....feel free to PM me in confidence...being assured of discretion and confidentiality....
And someone to listen...if you are in Crisis about anything going on in your life....
Feel free to reach out...I will help if I can.....:thumbsup:

[DarkSkies]

Many are still suffering...or in Denial.......
I still have issues within my own family.....33 years into my Sobriety.....so if you have similar issues....
I can tell you...you are not alone...and if you are willing to work on yourself....
Things WILL get better........




Finally.....a Prayer for the Suffering Addict/Alcoholic out there......

"Dear God...please in your infinite wisdom and benevolence.....
Shine your Light down on those who are still suffering.....
Make them aware of your Benevolence and Availibility...
And if possible...allow them to be open to listening to Others...who may provide guidance or show them the way...
Amen..."

[cowherder]

:clapping::clapping:Hey grats on the 33 years dark! I agree with you about addiction - fishing can definitely take a hold of you. Fortunately I have my wife to nag me before it gets that bad.

[ledhead36]

Well done Rich. Proud of you and how far you have come. Dont worry about families and crazies you can have mine. Let me know anytime and I will gladly dump them off with a dump truck.

[stripercrazy]

congratulations DS heres to many more.



I agree with you about addiction - fishing can definitely take a hold of you. Fortunately I have my wife to nag me before it gets that bad.
would it sound like this? lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtZ4uDked0k

[dogfish]

Good job Rich. One day at a time works.

[buckethead]

Keep up the good work. Congrats and thanks for all you do, Dark.

[jonthepain]

It's definitely easier to go one day at a time with guys like Dark around to lend an ear when I need it.

Thanks man, it's always a kick in the *** talking with you.

[DarkSkies]

It's always a good part of my sobriety talking to you as well, pal.
(That is, as long as our cell phone batteries are fully charged) ;) :laugh:

Some days are better than others for me....I still struggle with some ups and downs....as many of us do....I still have my flaws...Sometimes the things I should be doing best at....I struggle with...and the secondary things.....seem to be easier to do well at....But they become manageable with the Grace of God....

The bottom line....is that sobriety is better than the alternative......
Too many people that we've known over the years....are no longer here because of their addictions.....That's the sobering thought that I face every day...that helps keep my memory green.

Thanks for the kind words.....and all you and your wife do to help others.....:thumbsup: :HappyWave:

[DarkSkies]

congratulations DS heres to many more.



would it sound like this? lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtZ4uDked0k

Yes fishing can definitely be included among many addictions that we can have.
It's said to be a lot safer and less likely to get us arrested or killed...
But it can still ruin families and relationships...

I know quite a few people at the top of their game when it comes to catching fish....
Yet, they have suffered lost relationships or divorce because of their fishing addiction.....Your post and video help to lighten things up a bit...I bet all of us know at least a few people who could be the subject of that video...:)

(http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?1760-The-Dark-Side-of-surf-fishing)



Thanks to all for the kind words...:HappyWave:
Read "The Dark side of surf fishing" to learn more.....
http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?1760-The-Dark-Side-of-surf-fishing







(http://stripersandanglers.com/Forum/showthread.php?1760-The-Dark-Side-of-surf-fishing)

[DarkSkies]

It's with great sadness that I post this story....

Someone sent this to me....
Credit to Mark DiIonno and the Star Ledger...

A young Sandy hero dies during her personal recovery
http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2015/08/a_young_sandy_hero_dies_during_her_personal_recove .html#incart_most-read_monmouth_article
http://imgick.nj.com/home/njo-media/width40/img/avatars/2369.png (http://connect.nj.com/user/mdiionno/index.html)Mark Di Ionno
August 05, 2015 at 10:14 AM, updated August 06, 2015 at 9:59 AM


(http://connect.nj.com/user/mdiionno/posts.html)Cassandra Vitale tracked the early reports on Hurricane Sandy and believed the predictions about the storm's ferocity.
"She kept calling ... 'Ma, it's going to be real bad. You better get out of there,' " said her mother, Dawn Vitale.

Cassandra was living in Fort Lauderdale then, but was a Jersey Shore girl - Beachwood born and raised - so she packed a bag and jumped in her father's company van. She followed the storm up the coast with no real plan: She just knew she wanted to help.

"That's the way she was. She connected with people. Everyone she met, she helped in some way," said her brother, J.R. Vitale.

She helped so many people in her life, maybe she'll help someone with her death." -- Dawn Vitale

Cassandra Vitale arrived the day after the storm and went right to where help was needed most. She talked her way onto the barrier island near Seaside Heights and drove through sand-covered streets strewn with the debris of so many broken homes.

She parked her van at the EMS Station on 6th Avenue in Ortley Beach and the Bucket Brigade was born. Vitale figured out ways to get what everybody needed: coffee and hot meals for the National Guard; bleach, garbage bags, mops, gloves, masks, cleaning supplies - all in warehouse volume - for the people arriving home to begin the long road back.


"She just went out and got donations,'' said Joan DeLucia, whose volunteer group, Weekday Warriors, demolished 1,200 Sandy-ravaged homes and worked closely with the Bucket Brigade. "She always came back with truckloads of something. She helped hundreds and hundreds of people."


From the van on 6th Avenue, the operation grew to a donated construction trailer in the A&P parking lot as the donations kept coming and her crew kept getting bigger. Soon, Vitale was distributing tools and building supplies. At just 26, Vitale became a local legend for her ability to get what people needed.


"She was a great example of how one person can make a huge difference, and she made a huge difference," DeLucia said.

So when word spread earlier this week that Vitale, now 29, had died in Florida, all those people she had touched reacted with sadness, matched only by shock.


"It rocked me," said Kenneth Vasquez, who "lost everything" in the storm. "It hit me like a sledgehammer. I get choked up just thinking about it, and I think about it a lot."

Vasquez was a frequent visitor to Bucket Brigade headquarters on the island.

"She knew a lot of people couldn't get to the other donation centers," he said. "She was smart. She went to where the people were."

And at times, she even delivered the goods.

"She came to our house with cleaning supplies and also made sure we had hot meals when we were working on our home," said Nancy Phander. "She was a true, dear friend."


Vitale's brother remembered the day she took a can of pink spray paint and wrote "Stop staring, start caring," as rubberneckers began to cruise through the area.


"She wasn't a talker, she got things done," J.R. Vitale said. "The way she saw things, the world, was just bigger than most people. I don't know how to really describe it. To her, everything was an adventure."


For the first couple of months, Cassandra slept in her truck, unable to pull herself away.

"She came to my house a couple of times to shower, but she wanted to be where the action was," J.R. said.
Finally, DeLucia convinced her to stop living in the truck.
"After a while I said, 'This is crazy. Come stay with me. I'm right over the bridge,' " DeLucia said.


Still, Vitale worked almost around the clock. The volume of donations that came and went was box store-like and her trailer was one of the busiest places in town, one-stop shopping for people trying to rebuild their lives.
But when the need died down, what happened next was seemingly inexplicable.

She began using heroin, which is sadly prevalent in Ocean County. Of the 557 heroin deaths in New Jersey last year, almost 20 percent were in that county.

"I think it left a real void in her life," her brother said. "Or maybe she just had to numb herself from all the suffering she saw. That's what heroin does. It numbs you."

She went into rehab last summer, and went back to Florida and seemed to be doing well in her new job selling fuel oil to cruise lines. Her brother saw her two weeks ago at the funeral for their grandmother and "she was okay."


DeLucia talked to her on the phone two days before she died "and she was like her normal, happy-go-lucky, self."

Dawn Vitale said the family did not want to hide the cause of death because "the truth is the truth."

"She helped so many people in her life, maybe she'll help someone with her death," she said. "Because if it could happen to a kid like this, it could happen to anybody.















People should understand that about this drug. It can happen to anybody.
I'm posting this because I was talking about keeping our memories green.....
Here is a girl who had seemingly unlimited energy and love for others....very unselfish...in contrast to the selfish demeanor by many in today's society....

With all she did for others...she fell victim to a heroin addiction.....
It is tragic to me how many younger people today are doing heroin...
As the article said....Oeean County has one of the largeest % of users in the state.....
I can't do much to change these circumstances....

Just thought I would post it.....
Not to talk about drug use...
But to lament that here was a young woman who really tried to make difference....and
she's gone..
She gave her ALL to help others.....remarkable fortitude and courage...
And yet...she still fell victim to the Addiction...which is Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful........

Every time someone says to me..
"Rich you are doing great...all those years of Sobriety....you're finally "cured"!

It's not that simple.....
If you return to the old behaviors...
It's easy to return to the addiction as well.....

One Day at a Time.....
I hope all who read this remember that......

I have the utmost in heartfelt sadness and sympathy for this girl and her family...:(

Jonthepain says the following so much....I have to give him the credit....
"There but for the Grace of God....Go I...."
My deepest condolences to the family and friends of Cassandra Vitale.
















Cassandra Vitale (sitting at desk) was a founder of the Ortley Beach Bucket Brigade, a local aid group on the barrier island that helped up and distribute building supplies after Hurricane Sandy. Vitale, 29, died of a heroin overdose earlier this week. (Andrew Mills | NJ Advance Media for NJ.com)




(http://connect.nj.com/user/mdiionno/posts.html)

[jonthepain]

wow.

[buckethead]

So very sorry to hear that. The daughter of a woman who my niece worked with in bayville died from a heroin OD 3 years ago. The family still has trouble with it. It was their only daughter. Very tragic. May Cassandra RIP.

[seamonkey]

People should understand that about this drug. It can happen to anybody.
I'm posting this because I was talking about keeping our memories green.....
Here is a girl who had seemingly unlimited energy and love for others....very unselfish...in contrast to the selfish demeanor by many in today's society....

With all she did for others...she fell victim to a heroin addiction.....
It is tragic to me how many younger people today are doing heroin...
As the article said....Oeean County has one of the largeest % of users in the state.....


Came across this it was an article musicians rallying against heroin abuse in ocean county,
Check out these stats-
There have been at least 758 opiate-related deaths in Monmouth and Ocean counties in the last 10 years; 146 of them (roughly 20 percent) came in 2014 alone.


Sorry to hear of the loss, t&p.

[bababooey]

There's a discussion right now on New Jersey 101.5 about the rise in heroin deaths in Monmouth and Ocean counties. prayers sent May she r.i.p

[DarkSkies]

Thanks for mentioning and posting about these issues, people. Heroin addiction and deaths are on the rise among our young people. It hits me hard every time I hear about another one. A short prayer for them all.....

God in your everlasting light...please shine down on these lost souls....
They have lost their Way......and are perilously close to a Path that ends in Death....
Please shine some understanding and Wisdom down on them....
That they may break the cycle of Addiction....
and find their way....back to Society, Friends...and Family that they have abandoned....
Amen.......

[buckethead]

Yes, God bless and help them to get themselves off this terrible stuff.

[surfrob]

Heroin is epidemic in my county. That and crack/meth. These cost the life of a friend this year who was murdered by his addicted son.

God Bless and help all who have taken the step, to make it *one day at a time*!

[jonthepain]

Dec 1 was my 11 year and 6 month sobriety anniversary. All Grace.

My best friend and long-time fishing partner, Ray Nemeth, died yesterday. He had been waiting for a liver. Please pray for his wife Sarah and brother John.

Thanks,
Jon

[seamonkey]

Congrats man you guys have a lot of will power to kick that stuff. RIP for your friend as well, t&p.

[bababooey]

sorry for your loss, prayers sent.

[lostatsea]

Congrats on the years clean. Must be pretty tough with all the temptations. Sorry for your friends passing. rip

[DarkSkies]

So sad to hear that Jon. Last I remember he was waiting for a liver. That has to be the toughest thing, having your life hanging by the balance of whether you get a transplant or not.
My deepest condolences to his family and friends.

May God shine his Everlasting light down on him, that he may be with his Father in Heaven. I also pray that he in his infinite wisdom, may lessen the pain and sorrow for those he left behind. Amen.

Also congratulations on your sobriety as well. When we get sober, as the years pass, sometimes we take them for granted. It's good to always keep the memory green, and not forget where we came from.

[plugcrazy]

Thoughts and prayers.

[buckethead]

Sorry for your loss. May he RIP.

[DarkSkies]

I think it's appropriate in this Holiday Season, and end of year as we reflect on the live we have lived this year...to bring up a reminder that sometimes we lose touch with our old pals....folks go their separate ways......
That's part of life....but let's not take for granted.....that those we lose touch with.....will always be here....because they won't...


I say this, because I have made this very mistake several times in my life.....and know we all do it....getting caught up in the busyness....telling ourselves "we'll make that call, make that visit...during Holiday time"...because many of us lead busy lives.....and often lose sight that another year has gone by........

Let's keep that in the back of our minds.......and remember that as folks we know get older...life becomes a revolving game of musical chairs for some of them....who is the next one who will be called home to God?
We can't really say....we can't count on them being around tomorrow....

Better to reach out today....even if only a text or phone call......
Try it....
I promise ya's...you'll be glad ya did...:)

[DarkSkies]

Time for a little positivity here......

Jonthepain's sad occasion was just that.....a sad occasion for him......
But it was OK for me...because we finally got to meet after all these years........

He came up from NC to NJ for his friend's wake and funeral......
I made him crash in my house, instead of paying for a motel.....
Told him to bring some gear up....hoping he might get into that IBSP bite on the way back down...
Loaded him up with some shads and other things that might get him some stray fish.....
And off he went....:fishing:
(turns out he did stop at the beach, but instead at his old stomping grounds of LBI)...


So...although sad...it was good to meet an (old) ;) friend for the first time in person.....
And a fellow brother in recovery...:headbang:
I was ashamed of all the times we were supposed to meet up.....and didn't because finances got in the way....
Thanks for your visit Pal...enjoyed it....and congrats to both you and your wife in your new careers...:thumbsup: :HappyWave:






Christmas Prayer...
O Lord, in the times we are living in....we know there will be ups and downs...
Let us be Grateful for what we have...
Try not to think about what we do not have...
Instead appreciate the Gift of Life...that was given to us......
Realize how Precious and Tenuous that Gift really is.....
May we rejoice in the ability to get up and make a difference, every day....
At the same time please, in your Benevolence, watch over those still suffering out there...
And if possible....show them the Light, that they may walk the Path, to a better life...
and come back to their Families and Friends....
Amen

[jonthepain]

11 years 11 months sober today.

Thanks Rich for your support, really enjoyed hanging with you. Next time we will wet a line together.

Thanks to all you all for your kind words and prayers after Ray's death. A liver is a terrible thing to waste...

God bless,
jc

[cowherder]

Wow that's a long time. Keep up the good work guys.

[DarkSkies]

11 years 11 months sober today.

Thanks Rich for your support, really enjoyed hanging with you. Next time we will wet a line together.

Thanks to all you all for your kind words and prayers after Ray's death. A liver is a terrible thing to waste...

God bless,
jc

John, thanks for the kind words...it was the least I could do for a friend who I had known for years and never met.....
You're welcome to crash at my place anytime...for any reason....

Real good talking to ya the other day....
Congrats on your sobriety, one day at a time..
And with the grace of God. :thumbsup:

[clamchucker]

Congratulations and good job.

[buckethead]

Keep up the good work.

[jonthepain]

Well a year has gone by, still miss my best friend and fishing partner Ray.

Still sober, though

20614

[hookset]

Congrats to all of you guys on the straight and narrow. Keep up the good work.

[jonthepain]

13 years sober today! Meant to call you DS, sorry I didn't. Tomorrow. Thanks for all your encouragement over the years!

[ledhead36]

:clapping:Hey congrats on the sobriety. Don't know how you guys manage, may have to try it one of these years.

[cowherder]

Good job gentlemen keep up the good work!

[jonthepain]

14 Years Sober Today! By grace.

Thanks Dark for your mentoring over all these years.

Miss you Mike and Ray. Wish you could have been here for this.
21493

[Monty]

14 Years Sober Today! By grace.

Thanks Dark for your mentoring over all these years.

Congrats Jon. A huge accomplishment and I hope you feel proud of it.
And to those that have provided support also congrats.
My immediate family had alcoholism problems for 50+ Years.
Your 14 year accomplishment cannot be understated.

[bababooey]

I can't imagine doing it for that long. My sober episodes have lasted for 30 days at most. I would feel less fulfilled without alcohol to lubricate the challenges of life and the too demanding clients! That being said, many congrats, great accomplishment!:clapping::clapping:

[storminsteve]

Very cool congrats thanks for sharing. Wishing you future success.

[jigfreak]

Congrats, that's a lot of years.

[hookset]

Nice job dude!

[dogfish]

:clapping::clapping:WTG

[jonthepain]

Thanks guys, I appreciate your encouragement, more than you know.

[nitestrikes]

Congratulations.

[jonthepain]

15 years sober today, by the grace of God. Thanks to my family and friends, especially Dark, who helped me through the tough years.

God bless you all.

[DarkSkies]

This is one thread with the least activity...the most views..and one that has not much to do with fishing..on a fishing site...except that in the Bible....Jesus told the Disciples to go out and become "Fishers of Men".........what a Paradox...LOL. The SEO and reach for this "One little thread that could"...is beyond what I ever thought it could be....(Thanks to Jon the Expert SEO guy for opening my eyes to SEO and what it could do...:clapping:..I'm now spending about 80% of my free time increasing SEO for some other projects we're working on...and it's all thanks to you, Jon.....:HappyWave:

Many many congrats on your 15 yrs of sobriety.....It's all ODAT....and to use a phrase you coined....."It's All Grace"...Glad to have ya around still...and Sober....Jon you are truly a remarkable guy....a Renaissance Man...who took the lemons life threw at ya....and made lemonade.....Wishing much happiness to you and your family....Peace and Serenity as well.......Talk to ya soon....my friend....and Congrats again...on your milestone of achievement.....One Day...At..A...Time. :clapping: :thumbsup::thumbsup:

[jonthepain]

Thanks Dark!

18 years sober today, June 1, 2022

It's All Grace... but still, thank you for your support all of these years. You're a good man.

[jonthepain]

19 years sober today

[jonthepain]

20 Years Sober Today
Memorial day, May 31 2004, I got seeing triple, puking on my shoes drunk, as usual. June 1 2004 I did not drink, and by the grace of God I have not had a drink since. Dad proved to me by example that it can be done. Thank you Wendy for supporting me in my sobriety. And of course a special thank you to Rich Darkskies who has mentored me since the beginning of this journey. Rich, you were instrumental in showing me just how much can be overcome with a sober mind and body. It's all grace my brother. Thanks also to all of you Stripers and Anglers members for your kind words and support.
Thank you to all of my family and friends who have supported me in these past 20 years. Thank you.