One Day at a Time - Do You Know Bill W?

[DarkSkies]

I'm not sure how many people read these posts. Seems like we have a small crowd of folks that contribute and that is fine. I continue to post in order to offer a little hope. When my life was out of control and addictions had taken over, I needed some hope. And for those of you who might read this, there is hope. If I can do anything, shoot me a PM. I would be honored to hear your story. Mick

At under 300 actual posts, and almost 1400 views, SOMEONE's reading this Mick, and it ain't just the Keebler elves. A lot of people are shy, don't want to post their lives on the internet, that's understandable. I was that way once too. I broke my AA/NA anonymity a long time ago, and never looked back.

If some of this stuff helps other people, that would make my day. I've gotten some PMs thanking me for the thread.

Sometimes I feel stupid posting every day, and I know there could be more actual responses, but people are afraid of being labeled an alcoholic or drug addict if they post here, so they don't. To me, that's kinda silly, we're just having a discusion about drinking, and some other stuff in here. All are welcome, you don't have to have a problem to jump in and make a comment.

That's ok. I know with all the views this thread is getting, it's helping someone. I also know it's helping me, and keeps me centered when I can't get to a meeting. So I'm gonna keep it up as long as I'm able to type.



Daily Reflections

GIVING UP INSANITY

. . . where alcohol has been involved, we have been
strangely insane.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 38

Alcoholism required me to drink, whether I wanted to or
not. Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of
my disease. It robbed me of the freedom of choice over
drinking and, therefore, robbed me of all other choices.
When I drank, I was unable to make effective choices in
any part of my life and life became unmanageable. I ask
God to help me understand and accept the full meaning of
the disease of alcoholism.

************************************************** *********

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

A.A. Thought For The Day

This sober world is a pleasant place for an alcoholic to
live in. Once you've gotten out of your alcoholic fog, you
find that the world looks good. You find real friends in
A.A. You get a job. You feel good in the morning. You eat a good breakfast and you do a good day's work at home or outside. And your family loves you and welcomes you because you're sober. Am I convinced that this sober world is a pleasant place for an alcoholic to live in?

Insanity dominated my life and was the essence of my disease. Seems to be a pretty accurate description of my life at that time. Always good to keep the memopry green.


Also wanted to wish everyone out there and their families a Happy Easter!! Hope you all get some time to spend with your families today.

[jonthepain]

Thanks Dark.

re: Insanity. Saturday I noticed my neighbor running the weed whacker. Hadn't seen him in 6 months, so I popped over to see how he is doing.

He is doing great. Has been living in an Oxford House here in NC for the past 5 months. Showed me his 24 hr and 3 month chips; he'll be getting his 6 month chip in a coupla weeks. Goes to 5-8 meetings a week.

I am glad that I have been stopping by here every day, because I was able to relate to how AA's focus on the Lord and the spiritual life have been changing him. We had an incredible spiritual talk. My wife and I have been praying for him for several years. I used to drink with him, and then I tried to help him a couple of times after the Lord took the desire to drink away from me, but I guess his time hadn't come up yet.

He had a serious anger management problem when he was drinking, (as did I, but not to the same extent,) which is why this reading really spoke to me. He told me that he felt like he was going insane because he was so focused on himself and his circumstances, and the solution was more alcohol. The alcohol always increased the "them vs. me" feelings that he had.

I can't tell you what a great blessing it is to be able to have this type conversation with my neighbor. It truly is an answer to (many years of) prayer. To be frank, eventually I thought it was hopeless.

He doesn't do the computer thing, so can you all please pray for him? That God would bless him in his sobriety? He has an awesome testimony - he has been through some nightmarish stuff - and I feel that eventually he will be able to help a lot of apparently hopeless men who have had the same issues that he has had.

Please pray for him. His name is Steve.

thanks,
jon

[DarkSkies]

The good thing about the program, is that as long as were alive, there is hope. Some people you have to write off for awhile, efforts fail, they're not ready, etc.

Eventually, some of those people come around, either on their own or with God's help. I'm one of the least religious people I know, but God has been there time and time again for me. I'll pray for Steve, and that he continues to stay on the path. Nice to hear good news, Jon.


April 13, 2009

Honesty

The biggest word for me in AA is "honesty."
I don't believe this program would work for me
if I didn't get honest with myself about everything.
Honesty is the easiest word for me to understand
because it is the exact opposite of what I've been doing all my life.
- Experience, Strength and Hope, pp. 400-401.

Thought to Ponder....

Honesty is the absence of the intent to deceive.





When you're not honest, the only person you're fooling is usually yourself.

[jonthepain]

I'm one of the least religious people I know, but God has been there time and time again for me.

I'm not religious either. The Pharisees were religious.

[DarkSkies]

I'm not religious either. The Pharisees were religious.

Your posts are witty, humorous, simple and to the point, Jon. Wish I knew how to do that.

Yes there is a certain fanaticism with religious groups even today. That's why I try not to talk about religion too much here. Everyone's got their own comfortability level.




April 14, 2009

Laughter

When my AA sponsor began to laugh
and point out my self-pity and ego-feeding deceptions, I was annoyed and hurt,
but it taught me to lighten up and focus on my recovery.
I soon learned to laugh at myself
and eventually I taught those I sponsor to laugh also.
Every day I ask God to help me stop taking myself too seriously.
- Daily Reflections, p. 59

Thought to Ponder....

Smile, it's a free facelift.



That's why I love to make fun of myself and the dorky things I do. Laughter smooths out the rough spots in life, I'm glad I can laugh at myself.

[jonthepain]

Your posts are ... simple...

not by design

I'm glad I can laugh at myself...

that makes two of us!

[DarkSkies]

April 20, 2009

The Journey

Words cannot begin to describe the feelings in my heart
as I sometimes ponder how much my life has changed, how far I've come,
and how much there is yet to discover.
And though I'm not sure where my journey may take me next,
I know I'll owe it to the grace of God and to three words of the Twelve Steps:
continue, improve, and practice.
- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 511

Thought to Ponder....

The journey is the destination.




Truer words never spoken, not only for AA life but regular life. So many of us focus on being responsible, getting ahead, and getting the material things we want. What happens if we get a heart attack, stroke, or cancer along the way, and don't make our intended "destination"? The opposite of that is what about the people who have no goals in life, are happy to drift around and are barely responsible for themselves to the extent that someone is always picking them up when they fall?

To me, there is a balance somewhere in the middle here where I need to be, less focused on the destination, and more focused on the people around me. To me, the people in our lives that we cherish are part of the journey, and I don't want to lose sight of that.

[jonthepain]

balance

key concept right there. thanks for reminding me.

[mick2360]

We all know how medicating difficult feelings works out, don't we? Death and suffering are one of life's perplexing issues; they also clarify that how we use our time really matters. Not getting hung up on turmoil is a huge accomplishment; acknowledge it, feel the pain, come to some understanding of it and move on. Good post, dark.

[DarkSkies]

Death and suffering are one of life's perplexing issues; they also clarify that how we use our time really matters..

Visited another person in the hospital last night who might be dying, Mick, she has a tumor and diabetes complications, her hands and feet keep falling asleep, and they found her on the floor of her apt last week passed out from low sugar. Her pancreas is giving up and can't regulate that sugar, sometimes it's over 350. Insulin may help. All she can talk about is going back to work.

And it gets worse. She has a large tumor in her ovaries, they don't even know what's happening with that because she's not stable enough for the biopsy.

She's worked hard all her life to support her family, and now this part of her identity will probably be taken away from her. I was supposed to go fishin, but somehow this seemed more important.

I tell you it really ripped me up inside. When you see someone trying their hardest to make a life for themselves and their family, it seems cruel that a thing like diabetes can get in the way.

I might start educating myself on diabetes and as well as anyone else here who wants to learn. Sad disease because it doesn't kill you outright, but in extreme cases you deteriorate slowly. That's the toughest thing to watch, for me. I wish I could make this better for her, but there ain't nothing I can do except offer support.

Sorry for the sad paragraphs, but I had to vent it out there, it's really bothering me.

[jonthepain]

sorry to hear about Mick. i lost a good friend and mentor to diabetes 15 yrs ago. he helped me stay sober for a spell.

hang in there Rich.

[mick2360]

Hang in Dark, I'll give you a shout on Thursday. Careful in the hospitals man.

Jon, I'm okay, I think the boss was referring to another of his friends.

[jonthepain]

gotcha

[mick2360]

Saturday, April 25, 2009

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

Unused capacities atrophy, cease to be.
—Tillie Olsen

Those of us who have suffered a broken bone and had to put up with a cast for several weeks know how hard it is to use muscles that have been inactive for so long. They have gotten weak from lack of use, and we have to begin to develop our strength all over again.

The same thing happens if we don't use our other capacities. If we don't constantly use our minds to think and learn, we become dull people, almost incapable of new thoughts and insights. If we don't use our hearts to love, we become uncaring and insensitive - much like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. If we don't use our creative talents - to draw or write or sew, or whatever it is we're into - we lose the ability to do those things.

On the other hand, like our muscles, our other capacities can be strengthened and developed by daily use. We exercise our hearts by being kind and loving, our minds by thinking, our imaginations by being creative. In this way, we become spiritually powerful, a force for good in the world.

How can I exercise my assets today?

A good challenge for any person. What does this have to do with recovery from addiction? At one time that meant to put down the bottle, stop with the pills and leaving MJ alone. I did all of that and was still not connecting.
What gifts did I have? This is a hard question for an addict but in time i did find some. I liked to help people. And to listen. And I read people very, very well (what is it about addicts reading other folks like a book but missing our own most obvious issues ?). Eventually, I humbled myself and went back to school. I became a counselor and today I help others.

As for how I can use my assets today.... I am afraid I am overdue for some yard work with my bride. It's off to work i go!

[DarkSkies]

Saturday, April 25, 2009

You are reading from the book Today's Gift

Unused capacities atrophy, cease to be.
—Tillie Olsen


The same thing happens if we don't use our other capacities. If we don't constantly use our minds to think and learn, we become dull people, almost incapable of new thoughts and insights. If we don't use our hearts to love, we become uncaring and insensitive - much like Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. If we don't use our creative talents - to draw or write or sew, or whatever it is we're into - we lose the ability to do those things.

How can I exercise my assets today?

Eventually, I humbled myself and went back to school. I became a counselor and today I help others.

As for how I can use my assets today.... I am afraid I am overdue for some yard work with my bride. It's off to work i go!

Well said Mick. There are all sorts of capabilities inside us. Not living up to our best potential is a waste once we find out what we're capable of.

Nice speaking to you and your wife today, I could tell she really loves, ya, Mick, and not just because you do yard work. I admire that both of you people can work in that field without getting burnt out.

[buckethead]

Good point Dark. I also find that there are people out there who own up to their mistakes and bad behavior but never really learn from them. A week or two later they are back to doing the same things. Maturity only comes to those who really learn and improve themselves.

[jonthepain]

My only fault is that I'm too modest.

[DarkSkies]

My only fault is that I'm too modest.

Yeah, about as modest as PT Barnum.




April 30, 2009

Secrets

I must walk into darkness to find the light and walk into fear to find peace.
By revealing my secrets -- and thereby ridding myself of guilt --
I can actually change my thinking;
by altering my thinking, I can change myself.
My thoughts create my future.
What I will be tomorrow is determined by what I think today.
- Daily Reflections, p. 130.

Thought to Ponder....

Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.

[jonthepain]

frikin client handed me and the boss a bourbon ball this am. i didn't know, it just looked like some chocolate thingy. the bourbon taste hit me and i went about crosseyed. couldn't insult the guy and spit it out all over his kitchen floor so i ate it.

there couldn't be much alcohol in one of them things, can there? i don't have to start my clock over again, do I? **** i got almost 5 yrs sober fer goodness sake!

coulda swore i was catching a buzz for a minute there but i think it was probably just my blood pressure (which is 171/111 on a good day)

ya know, if it's not one thing it's every thing.

[mick2360]

A lot of discussion on this issue. I wouldn't worry about restarting the clock; it's answering the bell knowing you are walking into the ring that's the problem.
I don't recommend it for everyone but when I have a bad head cold, I'll have some nyquil. Seeing as how I'm the guy counting the time, it works for me.